Author Archives: Josh Fruhlinger

Full Name: Josh Fruhlinger Website:
Info: Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.
  tales of epic trolling

Cool Republican Bro Had Fun Spreading Dumb Fake Hurricane Rumors Last Night

Good morning, New Yorkers! We hope that you are reading these words right now, because that means you have power and Internet access and probably are in your own home, which we sincerely hope is not soggy and gross! Last night was pretty bad for New York, but we know that not everyone can be out protecting the public or repairing downed power lines or carrying sick babies to safety, so many were at a loss as to how to conduct themselves in this treacherous hour. Some read, or dicked around on the Internet, or Instagrammed pictures of destruction, while others, including an extremely minor GOP NYC luminary who went by ComfortablySmug on Twitter, just stone cold spread a bunch of fake rumors about storm damage, for kicks. Read more on Cool Republican Bro Had Fun Spreading Dumb Fake Hurricane Rumors Last Night…
  ordinary citizens such as you

New AP Poll: Americans Are Dumb And Petty, Like Always (And Also Romney Is Winning)

OH CRAP ROMNEY’S AHEAD BY TWO POINTS IN THE LATEST AP POLL AND THE LADIES ALL LOVE HIM NOW TIME TO FREAK OUT??? No, don’t worry, libs, your math and numbers boyfriend Nate Silver still has Barry with a 70% chance of winning (and also offers soothing words about how the media specifically pays attention to outlier polls, which makes for a misleading picture). But! The AP poll does contain some delightful quotes from ordinary Americans and other little details that seem, well, kind of hilarious? Not on purpose? Join us for a children’s treasury, after the jump. Read more on New AP Poll: Americans Are Dumb And Petty, Like Always (And Also Romney Is Winning)…
  people who supposedly want to be senator

GOP Candidate Richard Mourdock: Why Can’t Dames Understand That Rape-Babies Are God’s Precious Gift?

Hey, you know what’s tricky? Putting together a coherent philosophical system that reconciles belief in an omnipotent but also loving God with indisputable evidence that bad things happen to good people. And it can be frustrating when you’re running for Senate and someone at a debate tries to trip you up with a “gotcha” question that forces you into philosophical weeds that have baffled great thinkers for millennia. You know what’s even trickier and more frustrating, though? Getting raped and then getting pregnant as a result of getting raped! You know what’s not tricky at all? The decision of, “Hmm, will saying that your rape-baby is a part of God’s plan be good for my election campaign, or bad for it?” The correct answer is: bad. Do not imply this to people who might want to vote for you. Oh, wait, you already did it, Richard Mourdock? Oh, dear, that might not work out so well for you! Read more on GOP Candidate Richard Mourdock: Why Can’t Dames Understand That Rape-Babies Are God’s Precious Gift?…
  civic doobies

Innovative Californians Discover Key To Boosting Voter Turnout: Free Weed

Your average American is far too savvy a consumer to just go and do things because it’s a “civic duty” or whatever. These are people who won’t even buy a 12-pack of soda unless it’s on an endcap at the supermarket and is being pushed at 50 percent off, so why should they go to some gross elementary school gymnasium and vote for President, or, worse, “neighborhood council,” which sounds like something out of a terrible reality show, just for the privilege of feeling good about themselves as citizens? Well, the gentle hipsters in Eagle Rock, which is a part of Los Angeles, have figured out a way to lure people to democracy: by giving away $40 worth of medical marijuana to anyone who can bring in proof of voting! Read more on Innovative Californians Discover Key To Boosting Voter Turnout: Free Weed…
  i love the '00s

‘Macaca’ Legend George Allen Determined To Destroy Wonkette By Being Boring

“George Allen” is one of the names inscribed in gilded letters in Wonkette’s Book of Legends. For those of you too young to remember, he was a senator from Virginia and considered a viable candidate for the Republican nomination in 2008, but before he could become George W. Bush II: The Bushening, he had to win re-election in 2006. This went hilariously wrong, as it did for many Republicans that year, starting with him calling the Indian-American dude who was paid by the Democrats to follow the campaign around with a camcorder “macaca,” which is apparently a weird ethnic slur of some kind. It also came out that maybe he used some less hilarious racial epithets when he was in college, and also put a severed deer’s head in a black family’s mailbox. Next, it turned out his mother was a secret Jew, which he had a dumb freakout about. Then he didn’t get re-elected. BUT! Jim Webb, the Democrat and gun-crazed maniac who beat Allen, is now leaving the Senate in disgust, and Allen has decided to run for is old seat again. Which meant that this year should have been full of fun macaca times, and yet it … hasn’t been? WHOSE FAULT IS THIS? What evil spell have the Jews placed on George Allen, in a plot to reduce Wonkette’s pageviews? Read more on ‘Macaca’ Legend George Allen Determined To Destroy Wonkette By Being Boring…
  twas beauty killed the beast

Lazy Slut Who Did No Work Dinesh D’Souza ‘Resigns’ From Million Dollar Christian College Prez Gig

Dinesh D’Souza: Not having the greatest of all possible weeks? Just a couple days after the revelation that got engaged to and/or shared a hotel with his new lady without technically getting divorced from his old one (and also that lady has a husband too, or at least did recently, ha ha) comes the bad news that he’s going to “resign” from his job as president of The King’s College. (We put “resign” in quotes because “he” “made” the decision after the school’s board of trustees met for like two days straight, presumably deciding the wording of the resignation statement “he” would write.) Was he forced out because of his sexual shenanigans? Sure! But also because he was doing a not very good job of being president of The King’s College? Yes, that too! Read more on Lazy Slut Who Did No Work Dinesh D’Souza ‘Resigns’ From Million Dollar Christian College Prez Gig…
  this is our zapruder film

Wingnuts Furious: Shameless Lawbreaker Michelle Obama Briefly Clapped For Her Husband At Debate

Sorry, liberals, you probably thought that Barack Obama won the debate on Tuesday or whatever, BUT: just as sometimes you can retroactively have your Olympic medals taken away for cheating with drugs, or have winning football games turn into losses more than ten years after the fact due to a little child rape, so too can you lose a debate when it turns out that you had a biased accomplice in the crowd clapping for you, like Barack Obama did. How can you trust your assessment of Obama’s victory, now that you know that his wife was influencing your decision-making skills, with her magical clapping? Read more on Wingnuts Furious: Shameless Lawbreaker Michelle Obama Briefly Clapped For Her Husband At Debate…
  something something robert byrd something

South Carolina Politician Joined The Klan For A While, Wasn’t Super Into It

You know how it goes: you’re young, you’re questioning a lot of things, you’re working as a sheriff’s deputy in South Carolina, and you’re open to some “out there” ideas! Why not experiment with eastern religions? Why not drop some acid? Why not join the Ku Klux Klan? That’s the sort of thing that might come back to haunt you, though, if you later grow up and become a county councilman. Or not, we guess? Eddie Moore’s local political career seemed to be going OK until he had to testify under oath in a lawsuit between the county and its former administrator (side note: this lawsuit is almost certain full of vicious recriminations, we bet it makes for good local drama), which apparently resulted in some awkward Klan-related questions. Why did Moore eventually leave this racist terror group? Was it because he realized that its hatred was a cancer eating away at American society? Or was it because it was boring and lame? Read more on South Carolina Politician Joined The Klan For A While, Wasn’t Super Into It…
  roll 1d20 to save

Fox Nation Super-Stoked On Romney’s Domination Of Pre-Debate Coin-Toss

“Say,” you’re probably thinking. “That’s a good-looking nickel. One of those saucy ones from 2005. You could use it to buy a piece of Double Bubble, or maybe you could put in the ‘take a penny, leave a penny’ tray at the gas station if you want to blow minds with your generosity.” But that’s no ordinary nickel; that’s the most politically important metallic disc in the world, and it has personally ensured the crushing defeat of Barack Hussein Nobama at tonight’s debate. BUT HOW COULD A MERE FIVE-CENT PIECE HAVE SUCH POWER??? Read more on Fox Nation Super-Stoked On Romney’s Domination Of Pre-Debate Coin-Toss…
  mapocalypse now

Fox News Starting To Get A Wee Bit Cocky

Here is a map from an “election forecasting model” that the Fox News sent out to America, and your Editrix found it on the Twitter and shared it in the Secret Wonkette Chat Room, for panic-laughs. But seriously, Fox News, try to be a bit more realistic! All of us who have been frantically refreshing Nate Silver’s Math and Numbers Emporium for succor know that there’s no way that Obama loses Pennsylvania and Minnesota but wins Nevada. Ain’t gonna happen! But we have a more likely map to flip out about, after the jump! Read more on Fox News Starting To Get A Wee Bit Cocky…
  feathered traitors

Good Job, Barry! Big Bird Totally Voting For Romney Now

Oh hey liberals, remember how in the opening moments of the first presidential debate Mitt Romney was all like “I love Big Bird, but he should not be paid for with taxes,” and you thought this was hilarious, but then Obama started losing and then you peed your pants and launched into a five-day crying jag? Well, Barry’s handlers want to bring you back to a kinder, gentler time, when Mitt Romney was just some stiff doofus who was going to lose so bad in November, and not the guy who was literally going to murder you in your sleep, with his Presidential gun. So they made an a jokey ad where they made fun of Romney wanting to get rid of Big Bird, ha ha! Only … now they’ve managed to piss off Big Bird. Read more on Good Job, Barry! Big Bird Totally Voting For Romney Now…
  patented management techniques

Romney Talks War Stuff Without Actually Promising More Wars, What A Wuss

Oh, boy, a Republican presidential candidate just went to give a “major foreign policy address” to a military academy, which as we all know means a whole lot of highly explosive murder-death, for freedom, right? Well, sorry carnage lovers, your 2012 GOP nominee isn’t the sort of guy who, say, makes up comical “Weird” Al-style song spoofs about dropping bombs on other countries and killing tens of thousands of people. Nope! You’re stuck with Mitt Romney, who comes from a modern-day executive class that believes the answer to everything is “leadership,” and that you can learn “leadership” by reading the executive summaries of all the terrible business books with “leadership” in the title, and that liberal weenies who’ve never run a business don’t understand “leadership,” and that what the world wants is more American “leadership,” from a real “leader,” Mitt Romney. “Fuck this noise,” you’re saying, “Who will America bomb, under President Romney? WHO?” Details after the jump, but … maybe nobody? BOOO. Read more on Romney Talks War Stuff Without Actually Promising More Wars, What A Wuss…
  america's wang we love you

Florida Politicians Sure Do Love Paying For Sex

How many elected officials in the state of Florida have to be discovered on a list of clients at a brothel before Your Wonkette deigns to write about it? One? Two? Three? Oh, no, wait, we guess it’s only two. So, noted central Florida pimp Mark David Risner, what sort of politicians did you lure to the “sex room” in your house, for paid sex? A state representative and “rising GOP star,” plus a comically titled “vice mayor”? And they paid you $200 an hour, which last we checked the exchange rate was about two and a half whore diamonds? Nice work! Read more on Florida Politicians Sure Do Love Paying For Sex…
  penetrating analysis

Rick Sanchez On How Romney Can Win Tonight’s Debate: Explain Jobs More Better

When we last heard from World’s Dumbest Anchorman Rick Sanchez, he had gotten fired from CNN for blowing the lid off of the global Jewish conspiracy and so had nothing better to do than to do some light content aggregation on HuffPo and pay some poor publicist to send out email blasts about it. Since then he has managed to snag a job or at least the password to some blogging software and now his deep thoughts appear on “Fox News Latino,” which is a real website that exists. How can Mitt Romney defeat Obama in tonight’s debate, Rick Sanchez? Easy! Just explain, in simple terms, how Mitt Romney will create jobs, for everybody. Why hasn’t Mitt done this? It’s almost as if it would be very complicated to explain and/or he doesn’t actually know how! Read more on Rick Sanchez On How Romney Can Win Tonight’s Debate: Explain Jobs More Better…
  jedi mind tricks

Romney Cannot Out-Debate Handsome, Talented Barack Obama, Says Romney Spokeswoman

OH BOY OH BOY THE DEBATES ARE COMING! This week will be the first time that Barack Obama and Mitt Romney get on TV and have a thoughtful, earnest exchange about how their different visions will translate into policies to help the great country they both love ha ha we can’t even finish this sentence because of course the whole noble debate concept has long been subsumed into the general presidential election horrorshow of spin and fuckery. We’re still days away and already the mind games are starting. First up: expectations-lowering, in which each campaign tries to convince the press that their candidate will spend most of the debate gibbering incoherently and urinating on himself in terror, so that when he manages to string several coherent sentences together it can be spun as a win. Unfortunately, Mitt’s people’s attempts at this have been a little … too convincing? Read more on Romney Cannot Out-Debate Handsome, Talented Barack Obama, Says Romney Spokeswoman…
  is acme corp violating un sactions?

Netanyahu: Iran Almost Capable Of Building A Cartoon Bomb

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has an MBA and worked for a consulting firm before getting involved in Israeli politics, so he knows a little something about livening up a boring presentation with graphics. Unfortunately the fuddy-duddies at the U.N. nixed his innovative PowerPoint idea, or maybe their projector didn’t have the right port for him to plug his laptop into (Thunderbolt is the new hotness, guys, get with the program), so he had to use this drawing of a comical cartoon bomb, of the sort that Wiley E. Coyote would use on the Road Runner, instead. If you were the underling tasked with Israeli U.N. presentation graphic design, what icon would you have used? Some suggestions, after the jump! Read more on Netanyahu: Iran Almost Capable Of Building A Cartoon Bomb…
  sure let's talk about this some more

Cherokee Nation Chief Would Like Brown’s Staff To Can It With The War Whoops

Hey, everybody, settle in and let’s hear a story about the great American state of Oklahoma. See, once upon a time there were Native Americans living in the Southeastern United States, and they said, “Hey, these white people moving in have some good ideas about society, maybe let’s live more like them!” And the white people were like “Ha, nice try, we’d actually prefer that you live more like us … in Oklahoma, maybe? Don’t worry, it’s not too far to walk. Then like 70 years later they said, “Well, could we maybe have our own state at least?” And Teddy Roosevelt was like “Nah, man, you should, uh, have a state with the white people living next door to you, and increasingly right there on the land we promised that was yours, yeah, that’ll work too.” Then a lot of the Native Americans were like “Fuck this noise” and married white people and stopped participating in tribal political life and such. But their kids and grandkids remembered they were Native Americans! Even though they had a lot of white ancestors too! But there still are tribal governments in Oklahoma, and every once in a while one of their leaders has to say “OK, Massholes, can it with the casual racism, please.” Read more on Cherokee Nation Chief Would Like Brown’s Staff To Can It With The War Whoops…
  sometimes when we touch

Watch Out, America: Handsome Joe Biden Wants To Snuggle You

Guys, Wonkette’s Los Angeles-based Editrix is probably still asleep at this early hour, so we’ll just take this opportunity to discuss a story that may produce some mixed emotions for her. We mean, on the one hand, who doesn’t love hundreds of words in the paper of record about Old Handsome Joe Biden all getting into your personal space and laying his gentle, friendly hands on you? But on the other, with California in the bag for Obama, chances are very slim that our Editrix will experience a campaign moment like this: “Outside the Airport Diner here on Saturday, Mr. Biden shook Samantha Mullin’s hand while stroking her left forearm. He placed a hand on one shoulder. He put his other hand on her other shoulder. As he looked into her eyes, he touched her cheek.” Yowza! HOTTT! Read more on Watch Out, America: Handsome Joe Biden Wants To Snuggle You…
  a cheap shot but it writes itself come on

At Last, Rush Limbaugh Knows Who To Blame For His Tiny Penis

Science, you guys, science is revealing all sorts of terrible mysteries about the modern world. And not just the liberal kind of mysteries, like about how all the animals are dying and the ice is melting and whatever; no, it’s also revealing tough, conservative facts, like the fact that human penises are on average 10 percent shorter than they were 50 years ago. If you heard “50 years ago” and “smaller penises” and you immediately came up with “feminism” as the cause, then congratulations, you are well equipped (heh) to run a radio talk show that reaches millions of people and influences American politics. Rush Limbaugh has a tiny penis and he’s been mad about it for a long time and it explains a lot, is what we’re TRYING to say here. Read more on At Last, Rush Limbaugh Knows Who To Blame For His Tiny Penis…
  this bird you can change it turns out

Lynyrd Skynyrd Latest Victims Of Obama’s Thought Police

If there is one musical group that we know defends Real American Values, it’s Lynyrd Skynyrd. They bravely stood up for segregation and other forms of awesomeness, and while Jimmy Carter’s CIA managed to kill most of the original members in an “accidental” plane crash, a new version of the band was formed during the Reagan administration to spread the message everywhere that the South will rise again and such, often performing in front of a giant Confederate flag. But now even that is being taken away from us, because Obamabot mind-control operatives have brainwashed Lynyrd Skynyrd into a bunch of liberals who don’t want segregation and slavery restored, not even a little. Read more on Lynyrd Skynyrd Latest Victims Of Obama’s Thought Police…
  did tax dollars pay for that bronzer

Mitt Romney Totally Loves Welfare Now, You Guys

A weak, vacillating politician — one not fit to be a leader — would express a politically unpalatable position in a private setting, but then retract it when it becomes public. A strong leader would explain that, while his words may have sounded harsh in context, the ideas he was trying to express were important, and in fact are ultimately for everyone’s benefit. And that’s exactly what Mitt did with his 47% talk in his brownfaced appearance on Univision, except for the part where he said that he cares about all Americans and especially poor people and welfare is awesome and did you know that Mitt’s dad was on welfare? Yay, welfare! Read more on Mitt Romney Totally Loves Welfare Now, You Guys…