Jesse Berney

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Jesse Berney is a writer living in Washington, D.C. You can find him on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/jesseberney
There's hope for you, white guys.

Since America is no longer great, according to certain dimwitted candidates for president, we are sharing ideas to Make America Great Again. Read more entries in the series here. Look, Jesus isn't going to turn...
Do not takesess our precious.

Since America is no longer great, according to certain dimwitted candidates for president, we are sharing ideas to Make America Great Again. Read more entries in the series here. “My preciousssssssssss.” Gun rights extremists are Gollum....

America! It was great once, remember? But now it’s not, thanks to Muslim presidents and homosexual marriages. If only there were someone out there with enough boundless self-confidence that he truly believed, in his heart...

Apple is once again looking to take over an entire sector of consumer products with its introduction of the new Apple Watch. Shipping early next year at an introductory price of only $349, it...

You already know about the hilarious and timely GOP videos parodying Apple’s Mac vs. PC ads that are timely and also hilarious! But what you don’t know is that the ads on the Republican...

“Senator Ted Cruz, who recently discovered that he is likely a Canadian, must win security clearance from Canada's spy agency, fill in a four-page form and then wait up to eight months to sever...

Bad news. It turns out that Obamacare doesn't just make birth control freely available. It actually mandates that every man, woman, and child in America take birth control until they grow hair in weird...

States like Texas, Ohio, and North Carolina have made great strides in recent days to make sure their women are well-protected and well-informed about pregnancy and abortion, issues that they are rarely able to...

Paula Deen’s first apology video, the one that was posted to Youtube and then pulled down moments later, was just 45 seconds long and contained a number of sudden jump cuts that made it...

To whom it may concern at the National Security Agency, I’m sorry. I realize you have 315 million citizens to monitor, but I am certain you have had to pay particular attention to my case file,...

Impeach! Impeach! IMPEACH! Everything terrible you ever believed about our tyrannical gun-grabbing socialist Muslim foreign-born gay president has turned out to be true, according to the latest expose on Solyndra Fast and Furious Benghazi...

If you are the kind of radical extremist who gets his news from “newspapers” or “television” or other sources of so-called “journalism,” you probably think we don’t yet know who perpetrated Monday’s deadly bomb...

We don’t yet know who is responsible for the horrific bombings in Boston yesterday, but we do know they are a sign of society’s imminent collapse, and that those unprepared for our post-apocalyptic future...

Campbell Brown is a former CNN anchor and Objective Journalist who is extremely concerned that President Obama isn’t doing enough to combat gun violence. So she took to the always-objective Wall Street Journal editorial...

In 2003, disgusting perverts like you celebrated the landmark 6-3 decision in Lawrence v. Texas, which invalidated laws against sodomy in Texas and across the nation. The Supreme Court ruling meant that you’ll only...

Roe v. Wade, guys. Roe v. Wade. I know you’re probably shaking your head sadly at the mere mention of that travesty, because even if you support a woman’s right to choose when she...

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