You already know about the hilarious and timely GOP videos parodying Apple’s Mac vs. PC ads that are timely and also hilarious! But what you don’t know is that the ads on the Republican National Committee’s website aren’t the only scripts that were written. Our Wonkette Special Investigative Team has uncovered the lost, unproduced scripts […]

“Senator Ted Cruz, who recently discovered that he is likely a Canadian, must win security clearance from Canada’s spy agency, fill in a four-page form and then wait up to eight months to sever his ties to America’s northern neighbor…. “A person giving up citizenship must be Canadian, prove they are or will become a […]

Bad news. It turns out that Obamacare doesn’t just make birth control freely available. It actually mandates that every man, woman, and child in America take birth control until they grow hair in weird places or whatever those devil pills do to you. It seems strange that they would mandate birth control usage, but that’s […]

States like Texas, Ohio, and North Carolina have made great strides in recent days to make sure their women are well-protected and well-informed about pregnancy and abortion, issues that they are rarely able to understand on their own. Mandatory ultrasounds ensure that women know that pregnancy means they are growing a baby inside their tummies, […]

Paula Deen’s first apology video, the one that was posted to Youtube and then pulled down moments later, was just 45 seconds long and contained a number of sudden jump cuts that made it clear we weren’t getting the apology Paula intended to give. Well good news: we found the original transcript of the full, […]

YOU SO NSASTY  11:09 am June 12, 2013

I’m Sorry, NSA

by Jesse Berney

To whom it may concern at the National Security Agency, I’m sorry. I realize you have 315 million citizens to monitor, but I am certain you have had to pay particular attention to my case file, given my affinity for terrorist-related lifestyle publications. In the course of monitoring my phone and Internet activity, you may […]

Impeach! Impeach! IMPEACH! Everything terrible you ever believed about our tyrannical gun-grabbing socialist Muslim foreign-born gay president has turned out to be true, according to the latest expose on Solyndra Fast and Furious Benghazi from ABC News: ABC News has obtained 12 different versions of the talking points that show they were extensively edited as […]

If you are the kind of radical extremist who gets his news from “newspapers” or “television” or other sources of so-called “journalism,” you probably think we don’t yet know who perpetrated Monday’s deadly bomb attack in Boston. But if you’re among the loyal members of Glenn Beck’s Internet media empire, you know the truth: the […]

We don’t yet know who is responsible for the horrific bombings in Boston yesterday, but we do know they are a sign of society’s imminent collapse, and that those unprepared for our post-apocalyptic future are destined to die alone in the streets. How do we know this? Because Glenn Beck, America’s foremost historian* and greatest […]

Campbell Brown is a former CNN anchor and Objective Journalist who is extremely concerned that President Obama isn’t doing enough to combat gun violence. So she took to the always-objective Wall Street Journal editorial page to give the president some objective advice: The president’s campaign against gun violence has produced a stale debate marked by […]

In 2003, disgusting perverts like you celebrated the landmark 6-3 decision in Lawrence v. Texas, which invalidated laws against sodomy in Texas and across the nation. The Supreme Court ruling meant that you’ll only face God’s judgment for whatever foul things you and your consenting adult lovers do in the privacy of your basement sex […]

Roe v. Wade, guys. Roe v. Wade. I know you’re probably shaking your head sadly at the mere mention of that travesty, because even if you support a woman’s right to choose when she gets to grow a baby inside her belly, you probably consider it the worst decision ever decided by the Supreme Court. […]

If you’ve noticed the acrid smell of gelled hair burning today, that’s the scent of the conservative world en fuego. The battle for the hearts and minds of the worst Americans is on, and it pits the terrible against the even more terrible. At the center of the fight is Pamela Geller, who can most […]

You were once just two little cells, floating around in goo inside some disgusting lady who probably just had sex. But even back then you were still a complete human being, according to state representative Tom Shaw, one of nine Iowa Republicans who introduced a law that would make the destruction of a zygote subject […]

Are you Jewish? Black? A doctor? Episcopalian? A victim of domestic violence? A school principal? Steve Buscemi? If you are a member of any of these categories or one of hundreds of others, the National Rifle Association may be planning your imminent demise. (They’re having a little trouble in the planning phase. They don’t know […]