Jeff Wattrick

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Jeff Wattrick is someone whose unsolicited submissions accidentally get published on Wonkette. He also writes for Deadline Detroit, which is this thing on the internet about the Motor City.

A Children’s Treasury Of Reactions As Al Jazeera America’s Sharia Plot Creeps Into Detroit

As everyone who watches Fox News unironically knows, Dearborn, Michigan, is filled with Islamist sleeper cells just waiting to be activated by an Al Jazeera anchor instructing them to play a nice game of Halal solitaire. With the go code...

Leave Dave Agema Alone, Cries Lispy Homophobe Stalker Andrew Shirvell

Oh my God, you guys, those awful gays just refuse to stop bullying poor Republican National Committeeman Dave Agema just because he likes to repeat defamatory lies about gays, many of whom live in the magical far away place...

Was Loser Congressman Thad McCotter House Of Cardsed By Evil Staffer? Sure Why Not

So remember Thad McCotter? The nobody Congressman who ran for president of the Iowa Straw Poll and lost, and then failed to gather enough real petition signatures to run for reelection, and then quit Congress in a blaze of...

RNC Bigot/Ex-Pilot Dave Agema Talks About His Issues Inside Homosexual ‘Flight Attendant Realm’

Republican National Committeeman Dave Agema got away with saying Obama and pretty much every terrorist is a Muslim and cutting funding to orphans and skipping budget votes to shoot sheep so it's no wonder that he's genuinely surprised other Republicans...

Everyone So Mad At Terrible Michigan RNC Committeeman Homophobe Dave Agema Being Terrible

Dave Agema, the Republican National Committeeman from Michigan and former state representative, is a Wonkette favorite. Wonketeers love him for his charming efforts to cut funding to a program that buys clothes for orphans, his willingness to miss key...

Terrible Gucci Fanboy, Sports Mythmaker Buzz Bissinger Proves Why Marginal Tax Rates Should Be 100 Percent

Remember last year when angry old sportswriter Harry "Buzz" Bissinger endorsed Mitt Romney because Mittens was totally lying about everything? It was probably non-sports fans' first introduction to the douchepile that is Buzz Bissinger, so here is a quick...

Shocker: Fox News Rape Jokester Steve Crowder Wasn’t Victim Of Legitimate Union Thug Assault

So remember last year when Michigan's Nerd-Governor Rick Snyder passed Right-To-Work like a ninja without so much as a committee hearing or an acknowledgment that Right to Work was something he wanted to do? Yeah, that was fun. And remember how...

Because There Are So Many, Another Romney, One ‘Ronna Romney,’ May Run For Carl Levin’s Senate Seat

When Sen. Carl Levin announced he wasn't running for re-election in 2014, he didn't just retire with class, befitting his distinguished record of public service, but he also gave this nation a great gift: Nearly two years of speculation...

‘Concerned Minnesotan’ Explains How Mixing Sperm, Butt Enzymes Causes AIDS

New American hero Mike Frey isn’t just an ordinary "concerned Minnesotan." He is also a husband and father, so you can understand why he is so concerned about this gay marriage thing. He's agin it and he wants to...

Ex-Detroit Mayor/Ben’s Chili Bowl Aficionado Kwame Kilpatrick Going To Jail For Long, Long, Long Time

This is really sad, you guys. Just because a federal jury decided that you can’t run a city like it was your personal organized crime family, former Detroit Mayor/convicted felon Kwame Kilpatrick, a man Russell Simmons once called the...

Honestly, You Guys, ‘Not Raping’ Is Actually Really Easy

Today is International Women's Day, which means two things. First, we have to listen to people say stupid things like: “I’m not a sexist, but why isn’t there an International Men’s Day?” The correct answer to that question is...

Let’s All Watch Retiring Sen. Carl Levin Yelling At Bankers Before It Was Cool

Six-term U.S. Sen. Carl Levin (D-MI) announced today he'll retire when his term ends in 2014. The professorial/grandfatherly senator was known for rumpled suits, huge combover, glasses tenuously perched on the edge of his nose, and dragging the banking...

Mitt Romney Is Literally The Worst Choice Ever For Detroit’s Emergency Manager

The city of Detroit, which has been basically issuing bonds to pay for daily expenses since 2005, is in such bad fiscal shape that even people who bought exurban McMansions in 2005 with reverse-money-down ARMs think the city is in a...

New American Hero Will Drive With Hazard Lights On To Save Us From Sequestration

“These are the times that try men's souls," Thomas Paine once wrote, even though some scold of a junior high language arts teacher probably told him he should have written “times like these try men’s souls” because active voice. Today,...

New Michigan Democratic Party Chairman Lon Johnson Is NOT The Lee Strasberg Of Porn Lon Johnson

The Michigan Democratic Party elected Lon Johnson as their new chairman Saturday. But you should know that Michigan Democratic Party chairman Lon Johnson is not the Lon Johnson who, in addition to starring in over 1300 adult films, operates...

RNC Committeeman Dave Agema: Hey Y’All Know If This Onion Story About ‘Bama’s Slow Sad Son Is True?

Republican National Committeeman and former Michigan state representative Dave Agema is a swell guy. He once, in the midst of a state budget showdown, skipped some key votes so he could hunt sheep in Russia. (True fact: The sheep...