If we want to be bleeding heart about it, pedophiles like former Penn State football coach Jerry Sandusky are monsters in the truest sense of the word. As Wikipedia explains, “the word ‘monster’ derives from Latin monstrum, an aberrant occurrence, usually biological, that was taken as a sign that something was wrong within the natural […]

Let’s imagine Tom Friedman is in an Indianapolis taxi driving to Lucas Oil Stadium for the NFL Scouting Combine. Tom Friedman asks the cab driver what he thinks about the NFL Scouting Combine because that would be a most Tom Friedman thing to do. For the sake of our thought experiment, in which we pretend […]

GOP pollster Frank Luntz is the kind of hired gun political hack who can, with a straight face, say stuff like: “To be ‘Orwellian’ is to speak with absolute clarity, to be succinct, to explain what the event is, to talk about what triggers something happening… and to do so without any pejorative whatsoever.” This […]

When Michael Sam is drafted — it should be a matter of when not if, because if Sam liked lady bits, there would no question he would get drafted — Sam would be the first openly gay professional athlete in a major American team sport. But Sam’s draft status is an open question because, after he […]

As everyone knows the only real racists anymore are the blacks because they racistly always have to remind real Americans (the job creators who keep sunscreen manufacturers profitable) that life in this country wasn’t, you know, all that great for the blacks for a long, long time. Seriously, you guys, it’s long past time to […]

Probably today everyone at Hillsdale College, located near Michigan’s not-terribly-Irish “Irish Hills,” is longing for that simpler time when their president was only a creepy weirdo who (allegedly) sexed his daughter-in-law until she committed suicide. This being an actual thing that happened at the pastoral private college considered “a citadel of American conservatism,” to quote […]

Michigan’s next gubernatorial election is only 15 months away and the match-up is pretty much set. Nerd-Governor Rick Snyder is expected to face likely Democratic challenger Mark Schauer. Naturally the only responsible thing to do now is to speculate about who Schauer might select as his running mate. Michigan’s lieutenant governor is like a less […]

Frank Beckmann, the long-time radio voice of the University of Michigan and severely Caucasian right-wing radio host/newspaper columnist, took time out from his normal activities (holding hands with football coaches and singing Josh Groban songs) to explain to his Detroit News audience that African-Americans shouldn’t be ashamed about that whole black people eating fried chicken […]

Apparently the sack of crap CEO of awful mall store Abercrombie and Fitch, Mike Jeffries, said he doesn’t like it when you fuglies shop at his stores. He said this to Salon back in 2006 but apparently it took seven years for his mean girl comments to set off a firestorm of outrage on the social […]

Imagine for a second a place where there are vibrant, diverse cities near majestic mountains and oceans and lakes, where the climate is temperate but never Arizona hot, where there is universal health care and gay marriage, where recreational marijuana use is effectively decriminalized because police are focused on actual crimes. Does this magical fairyland exist […]

Gawd, you people are awful. According to famous women-binding failed presidential candidate Mitt Romney the problem with you selfish dolts is that you simply won’t get married when you’re really young. “Some people could marry, but choose to take more time for themselves,” Romney tells graduates of Southern Virginia University. “Others plan to wait until […]

So it turns out there is this super rad Islamic cleric in Washington, DC, who marries gay couples because, like decent people of all faiths, Imam Daayiee Abdullah just ignores the crazy medieval stuff and focuses on the let’s just love each other part of his faith. “I think we’re at the start of a movement: a […]

This 2008-2011 model Ford Focus SES spotted in downtown Detroit probably doesn’t belong to the real John Galt, the one with a verified Twitter account or whatever. The real John Galt’s car would have that magic static electricity motor. Instead, this one just uses gasoline. It must belong to one of the many other masters […]

So remember that dumb thing about Rick Santorum speaking/not speaking to some high school students about “leadership?” Well, he did speak Wednesday at Grosse Pointe South High School and got paid $18,000 for it. That means Santorum made in two hours 38% of the median annual salary of South teachers. And that’s a lesson, kids. […]

Buena Vista Township sounds like some swampy patch of Florida where Jack Lemmon or Al Pacino might try to sell you real estate, but it’s not. It’s worse. Buena Vista Township is this miserable flat place near Saginaw, Michigan, aka Flint without the glitter. According to Google Maps, BVT features such landmarks as a McDonald’s […]