Even Conservatives Are Liberal In The Greatest Place Ever, British Columbia
Imagine for a second a place where there are vibrant, diverse cities near majestic mountains and oceans and lakes, where the climate is temperate but never Arizona hot, where there is universal health care and gay marriage, where recreational marijuana use is effectively decriminalized because police are focused on actual crimes. Does this magical fairyland exist [...]
Mitt Romney Wants All You 22-Year-Olds To Get Knocked Up Now, For Our Savior
Gawd, you people are awful. According to famous women-binding failed presidential candidate Mitt Romney the problem with you selfish dolts is that you simply won’t get married when you’re really young. “Some people could marry, but choose to take more time for themselves,” Romney tells graduates of Southern Virginia University. “Others plan to wait until [...]
Your Tuesday Nice Time: DC Imam Marries Gay Couples, For Creeping Sharia
So it turns out there is this super rad Islamic cleric in Washington, DC, who marries gay couples because, like decent people of all faiths, Imam Daayiee Abdullah just ignores the crazy medieval stuff and focuses on the let’s just love each other part of his faith. “I think we’re at the start of a movement: a [...]
What Are Your Modern Job-Creating Economic Libertarian Supermen Driving Today?
This 2008-2011 model Ford Focus SES spotted in downtown Detroit probably doesn’t belong to the real John Galt, the one with a verified Twitter account or whatever. The real John Galt’s car would have that magic static electricity motor. Instead, this one just uses gasoline. It must belong to one of the many other masters [...]
Here Is Rick Santorum Spreading Leadership To High Schoolers In Totally Non-Political Way
So remember that dumb thing about Rick Santorum speaking/not speaking to some high school students about “leadership?” Well, he did speak Wednesday at Grosse Pointe South High School and got paid $18,000 for it. That means Santorum made in two hours 38% of the median annual salary of South teachers. And that’s a lesson, kids. [...]
Meet The Old White Michigan Lady Clerk Who Uses N-Word In Not At All Racist Way To Describe Black Official
Buena Vista Township sounds like some swampy patch of Florida where Jack Lemmon or Al Pacino might try to sell you real estate, but it’s not. It’s worse. Buena Vista Township is this miserable flat place near Saginaw, Michigan, aka Flint without the glitter. According to Google Maps, BVT features such landmarks as a McDonald’s [...]
Oh Look, An Actual Shadow Government Conspiracy Called ‘Skunk Works’ Is Happening In Michigan
Let’s say you are Michigan nerd-governor Rick Snyder’s chief information officer David Behen and let’s say you had a fun idea for a school voucher policy. How would you go about making your special plan a reality? Would you go through normal channels to make policy in the transparent process that we’ve become accustomed to in these [...]
A Children’s Treasury Of Reactions As Al Jazeera America’s Sharia Plot Creeps Into Detroit
As everyone who watches Fox News unironically knows, Dearborn, Michigan, is filled with Islamist sleeper cells just waiting to be activated by an Al Jazeera anchor instructing them to play a nice game of Halal solitaire. With the go code delivered, these Muslim terrorists will rise up and strike at America’s Arsenal of Democracy, reducing the [...]
Leave Dave Agema Alone, Cries Lispy Homophobe Stalker Andrew Shirvell
Oh my God, you guys, those awful gays just refuse to stop bullying poor Republican National Committeeman Dave Agema just because he likes to repeat defamatory lies about gays, many of whom live in the magical far away place known as the “Flight Attendant Realm” where they have wild orgies, plot half the murders in [...]
Was Loser Congressman Thad McCotter House Of Cardsed By Evil Staffer? Sure Why Not
So remember Thad McCotter? The nobody Congressman who ran for president of the Iowa Straw Poll and lost, and then failed to gather enough real petition signatures to run for reelection, and then quit Congress in a blaze of glory and banal Dylan lyrics as his former staffers were about to be indicted for petition [...]
RNC Bigot/Ex-Pilot Dave Agema Talks About His Issues Inside Homosexual ‘Flight Attendant Realm’
Republican National Committeeman Dave Agema got away with saying Obama and pretty much every terrorist is a Muslim and cutting funding to orphans and skipping budget votes to shoot sheep so it’s no wonder that he’s genuinely surprised other Republicans are now very upset because he turned his trademark awfulness toward the gays. So Agema has [...]
Everyone So Mad At Terrible Michigan RNC Committeeman Homophobe Dave Agema Being Terrible
Dave Agema, the Republican National Committeeman from Michigan and former state representative, is a Wonkette favorite. Wonketeers love him for his charming efforts to cut funding to a program that buys clothes for orphans, his willingness to miss key budget votes to shoot Siberian sheep, his fondness for tear-gassing American citizens, his deep-abiding belief that [...]
Terrible Gucci Fanboy, Sports Mythmaker Buzz Bissinger Proves Why Marginal Tax Rates Should Be 100 Percent
Remember last year when angry old sportswriter Harry “Buzz” Bissinger endorsed Mitt Romney because Mittens was totally lying about everything? It was probably non-sports fans’ first introduction to the douchepile that is Buzz Bissinger, so here is a quick primer. Back when the internet consisted of three Star Trek fans on a dial-up message board, [...]
Shocker: Fox News Rape Jokester Steve Crowder Wasn’t Victim Of Legitimate Union Thug Assault
So remember last year when Michigan’s Nerd-Governor Rick Snyder passed Right-To-Work like a ninja without so much as a committee hearing or an acknowledgment that Right to Work was something he wanted to do? Yeah, that was fun. And remember how all those union thugs — teachers, nurses, autoworkers, society’s dregs mostly — protested this stunning public [...]
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