Jack Stuef

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

The Heart Bleats On

• Wonkette editor Jack Stuef decides to make this Retro Day, celebrating the rich, vile history of the crass political blog. • Rail-thin recumbent biking hippie kid Dick Cheney has decided to go with his...

WND: Esquire Taking Orders From White House To Destroy WND Book

This morning, Esquire's politics blog put up a fake joke post about WorldNetDaily's Joseph Farah finally coming around and realizing he was wrong about President Obama's birth certificate, and was pulling back the release of his hilarious fact-denying organization's...

Obama Campaign Selling Carefully Worded T-Shirt That Doesn’t Actually Say He Was Born In U.S.

Here is something "amusing": The Obama re-election campaign is selling t-shirts in exchange for donations. In a wry joke about how awful the country is that Obama claims to love, it says "MADE in the USA" and has a...

Newt Gingrich Wipes Off Glitter, Says Very Dumb Thing

Wow, that Newt Gingrich sure is good at getting media coverage! He didn't even have to take a bath of party favors this time. "Any ad which quotes what I said on Sunday is a falsehood." HE IS "ON...

Osama Bin Laden Death Photos Look Strangely Like Rob Lowe

Wonkette operative "Matt" sends us this screengrab from SFGate.com. Is the reason the U.S. government doesn't want us to see the bin Laden photos is that he's too handsome? Americans aren't going to be grossed out by them. They're...

Not Waiting For Kucinich, Willie Nelson Gives Coveted Kiss-of-Death To Johnson

Presidential candidate Gary Johnson is fired up about an endorsement from country music legend Willie Nelson and the Teapot Party. Teapot: you get it? You get it. In the previous two elections, Nelson endorsed Dennis Kucinich, so you know this will...

Already Depressed Newt Gingrich Hit With Box of Glitter

Newt Gingrich's week has been so bad that he can't shake one person's hand without that nobody immediately making news. First it was the "get out!" guy; now Newt has had a box of glitter dumped on him because...

‘Rick Perry Presidential Push Quietly Gains Steam’; Haha, What?

According to Real Clear Politics, which we were certain was just a dumping ground for releases by right-wing pollsters, but apparently has HUMAN or HUMAN-LIKE writers, Rick Perry is being considered for the Republican presidential nomination. "RCP has learned...

Ben Stein: Idiot, Bigot, Whatever

2.) In life, events tend to follow patterns. People who commit crimes tend to be criminals, for example. Can anyone tell me any economists who have been convicted of violent sex crimes? Can anyone tell me of any heads...

Newt Gingrich Is a Man of Endless Treasure

"Callista Gingrich, was employed by the House Agriculture Committee until 2007, according to public records. She listed a 'revolving charge account' at Tiffany and Company in the liability section of her personal financial disclosure form for two consecutive years...

American Hero Eats Sandwich

A special ceremony is planned Tuesday afternoon at McDonald’s in Fond du Lac for Don Gorske. That’s because, since 1972, Gorske has eaten at least two Big Macs a day, which means the 57-year-old will be eating his 25,000th...

Iowan Corners Whiny Newt Gingrich

This Iowan stole Newt Gingrich's hand and wouldn't give it back until the adulterer said he was sorry. We're not sure if the whiny "I didn't do anything to Paul Ryan!" or the smile stuck on Newt's shiny-headed wife's...

Feds End Their ‘Watch On Muslin Men,’ Newspaper Reports

Wonkette operative "Paul G." sends in this rewritten AP article printed in the St. Petersburg Times. Look, the death of bin Laden actually resulted in a slight restoration of civil liberties! But we're still going to call them "Muslin."...

Supreme Court: Police Don’t Need Warrant To Kick Your Door Down, Shoot Your Dog

The police do not need a warrant to enter a home if they smell burning marijuana, knock loudly, announce themselves and hear what they think is the sound of evidence being destroyed, the Supreme Court ruled on Monday in...

Shutdown-Averting ‘Budget Package’ Actually Increases Spending This Year

Last November, the Teabaggers won the House for the Republicans, which meant government spending and all post-18th century bureaucracy was gone forever, yay. Except, that big budget deal that saved us all from government shutdown? It's going to make...

Proto-Bristol Palin: Schwarzenegger Fathered Kid With ‘the Help’

Ten years ago, the Culture of Life was going strong. How do we know this? Arnold Schwarzenegger got one of his maids pregnant a decade ago, and she went through with it, having the kid and pretending her husband...