Jack Stuef
Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.
With Bin Laden Dead, My Work Here Is Done
All Wonkette editors leave you eventually. Today, it is my turn. So this is my last post ever. What a ride, etc.! I’ve enjoyed making fun of politics for this dumb little blog. But now it is time to move on. I came to this site a 21-year-old kid. And now, I can safely say, [...]
Alvin Greene Delivers Ultimate Daoist Lesson On Letting Go
This afternoon your editor, who first interviewed South Carolina’s only ever black U.S. Senate candidate last summer, called up Alvin Greene and asked for the Daoist monk’s perspective on saying goodbye when it’s difficult to let go. Greene’s response? He hung up. Singular enlightenment! This is the only answer to the question. In truth, there [...]
Undeclared Republican Presidential Candidate Power Rankings, Week 2
On Monday, if he’s still around after the rapture (UNLIKELY!), Tim Pawlenty will officially announce his campaign for president. Okay! But there’s still nobody in the race anybody, even wingnuts, would want to vote for. Once again, America turns to our weekly undeclared Republican presidential candidate power rankings to learn who could swoop in and [...]
Lindsey Graham’s Butchest Moments
For years, Lindsey Graham has been dogged (a little bit of pun intended there) by allegations that he is gay. He denies this, and professes to just be a strange bachelor whose house is strewn with trash. Last December, however, gay-outer Mike Rogers said he had “pictures” of a man who spent the night at [...]
World’s Most Unfortunate Young Woman Joins Palin Family
In Alaska, tragedy has struck: Sarah Palin’s son Track (who is a person, not a Hot Wheels play set), married a young woman, officially making her a Palin and a part of the Arctic’s largest grifting operation. Around the world, people now grieve for her, as this is pretty much the worst thing that can [...]
Willie Nelson On Gary Johnson Endorsement: ‘My Bad’
It would appear Willie Nelson read our joke about Dennis Kucinich running for president and took it very seriously: “I know I said that,” Nelson replied. “But I think I will wait and see where he stands on other things. My bad. Sorry. I still think he is a good guy but so Is Dennis [...]
Tim Pawlenty Has No Idea Why He’s Running For President
Mitt Romney’s perennial challenger for Nation’s Most Boring Governor, Tim Pawlenty, has decided to decide their epic rivalry once and for all in the 2012 presidential contest. But if you’re going to run for president, one of the things you’re supposed to have an answer for is why you’re running for president. “And when I [...]
Ask a Lobbyist: Baby Origins
Every week, our Anonymous Lobbyist answers your questions about how laws get made and why they probably shouldn’t. If you have a question about the dirty business of doing business in Washington, ask her. This week: sweaty encounters between boastful adults.
I’ve Got Friends In Jihad Places
Here’s some hott Harriet Miers news from the nation’s top Harriet Miers blog: She’s now working as a lobbyist for Pakistan! Cool! Dealing with terrorist-coddlers like Pakistani officials is pretty much just as bad as working with Antonin Scalia, so President Obama should totally appoint her to the Supreme Court again. Just look at Pakistan [...]
Metro Section: Great Assassinations
“Justin’s Café opened last year, just a few blocks from Nationals Park. They opened up shop at 1025 First Street SE with a fine line of beer, wine, and meals oh so divine. Pardon, my rhyme but I feel the selection was worth the cute play on words.” [We Love DC] “Hey, It’s Ford’s Theater. [...]
Wonk’d: Neocon Expo
This week, Paul Wolfowitz, Scooter Libby, Dick Gephardt, Alberto Gonzalez, Zell Miller, Strom Thurmond, and Tim Russert were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. Voyeuristic fun, as always, is after the jump.
Gossip Roundup: Osama-Free Tuna
• Inside the Beltway: Lady with boobs is more or less taking part in boob competition. [WT] • Reliable Source: Rahm Emanuel is getting his house back from those dirt-faced squatters who tried to stop him from checking into the city on Foursquare. [WP] • Heard on the Hill: Rep. Bruce Braley is trying to [...]
Wonkette Answers: Our Plans
Haha, what the hell was this feature? Did people really care about who the person who wrote this blog was? We don’t have any questions like this in our inbox, so let’s just answer the first thing we see with a question mark. Ah! A spam from Newsmax: Are Your Prostate Issues an Inevitable Part [...]
Washingtonienne Update!
Considering this is Retro Day, and Wikipedia says some word vomit called a “Washingtonienne” is what Wonkette is “known for,” we should probably let you know what is going on in the life of this sex-haver! Google says she had what appears to be a teevee pilot in 2009, featuring such fun characters as “Politician,” [...]
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