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RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

Conference of Lies. Lies!

Friday, February 8th, 2008
  • Everyone in America will die if Democrats are elected president. But, you know. That’s always been true. [Washington Note]
  • Bill Clinton doesn’t want to be the story, but he’s probably going to do it anyway. [The Hill Blog]
  • At CPAC, just ping those sweet spots and a candidate will never go home alone. [Balloon Juice]
  • The power of two batshit old men makes a ticket much more alluring than just one. [IMAO]
  • Virginia is all of a sudden the bluest place on Earth. [Political Wire]
  • We wish that money would pour in for us when we tell the world we’re broke. [The Swamp]

DAILY BRIEFING

Contract Work Gets Harder Every Year

Friday, February 8th, 2008
  • Mitt “Mittens” Romney’s grip on reality turned out to be a lot stronger than we gave him credit for. And usually our character judgment is so sharp. [Washington Post]
  • Legal torture, illegal torture, who can really keep track of these things? All we know is America must be kept safe. [New York Times]
  • And a safe America means contracting out your waterboarding. [Wall Street Journal]
  • Turns out it’s the hippies who’ve been killing the planet all this time. [Washington Post]
  • Shocking revelation: Bill Clinton’s major donors are somehow drawn to donate to Hillary as well. [Washington Times]
  • Speaking through James Dobson, God endorses Mike Huckabee. [Associated Press]

RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

Mittens Will Always Keep Us Warm

Thursday, February 7th, 2008
  • Barry Hussein will have a good week this week — his horoscope says so. [Wizbang Politics]
  • Hey, remember the Iraq war? Remember those benchmarks? Well, you’re pretty much the only one. [AMERICAblog]
  • Lou Dobbs won’t just hire anybody. [Fresh Intelligence]
  • Reagan lovers will soon realize that McCain is the batshit old man they’ve been waiting for all this time. [Redstate]
  • Less thinking and maybe more winning? Just a suggestion. [Firedoglake]
  • Ron Paul wants you to know that John McCain sometimes hangs out with Democrats. Ron Paul defends the Constitution by hanging out with no one at all. [The Swamp]
  • The GOP’s biggest loser was also its best shot at winning, apparently. [The RBC]

DAILY BRIEFING

When Everyone Wins, America Loses

Wednesday, February 6th, 2008

RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

Super Snooze Day

Tuesday, February 5th, 2008
  • If JFK was such a great president, why didn’t he do like a million more wonderful things before he got his brains blasted across the backseat of a convertible in Dallas, huh? [Interesting Times]
  • We have a sense these polls might be meaningless. [Wizbang Politics]
  • Wait, CIA Director Hayden, your candid admission that the US does torture seems to fly in the face of everything you’ve previously said on the issue. Think you’ll try and explain that, or, you know, just be all whatever about it? [Monsters and Critics]
  • Guess who Barry Obama voted for. JUST GUESS! [Ben Smith]
  • Don’t be fooled by the shrewd campaigns being run by perplexingly strong candidates; the Democrats are headed for a total fucking meltdown.[Captain's Quarters]
  • Bob Dole is an asshole. John McCain is just like Bob Dole. Who we love. [Political Radar]
  • Mike Gravel isn’t really giving this his all anymore. [Reason]

  • RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

    She Could Go All The Way

    Monday, February 4th, 2008
    • Remember the surplus? Us neither! [Naked Politics]
    • Oh yeah, we vaugely remember living through some kind of political crisis for the past eight fucking years. Way to miss the boat, dude. [The Hill]
    • Hillary’s totally imaginary health care plan is the best because Barry’s completely hypothetical plan insures 2 million fewer pretend Americans. [AMERICAblog]
    • Hillary has trouble in the caucuses. They say it helps if you’re a “people person.” [Ben Smith]
    • There hasn’t been a “brokered convention” in so long we don’t even know what that means. No, seriously. They didn’t cover it in class. [Firedoglake]
    • Some group calls for Congressional oversight of the White House. Isn’t that cute? They think it’s still 1999. [Think Progress]
    • If Hill doesn’t seal the deal tomorrow, then Barry does automatically! [Election Central]

    DAILY BRIEFING

    Ken Burns Should Be So Proud

    Monday, February 4th, 2008
    • American forces go all willy-nilly into whatever Arab nation they want because, you know, why would Iran or Syria mind a little cross-border excursion? [New York Times]
    • Every American sacrifices and does their part at home to help the war effort abroad. Ha ha ha, just kidding, we’re going to let China pay for this one. [New York Times]
    • Colleagues grapple with the prospect of John McCain ascending from grumpy-gus Senator to sociopathically ill-tempered President. [Washington Post, Politico]
    • But can he overcome his precious tolerance of the evil al-Qaeda Mexicans who are destroying America one lettuce field at a time? [LA Times]
    • With 11 months left in office, there’s never a better time to start hiring diplomats. [Washington Post]
    • For some reason, the GOP is having trouble turning memories of their sound governance into campaign cash. [The Hill, The Hill]
    • Oprah and the Kennedys make for a formidable political force. [Politico]
    • We’re moving closer and closer to the time when the 527 groups so vital to the function of Democracy are operating at full steam, year round. [Wall Street Journal]

    DAILY BRIEFING

    A Good Offense

    Friday, February 1st, 2008
    • It’s news when Barry and Hillary fight, but it’s bigger news when they don’t. [LA Times, Washington Post, The Hill]
    • The US couldn’t defend itself if someone (like Russia) were to attack the homeland. WHAT WOULD REAGAN SAY ABOUT THAT? [USA Today]
    • Mittens wrote himself an $18 million check, because that’s how democracy works! [Politico]
    • He used the money to buy himself a whole bunch of TV ads for his *big day* on Tuesday. [LA Times]
    • Oh, look. Guess who has no problem issuing subpeonas for reporters all of a sudden. [New York Times]
    • The Democrats are finding that they don’t really have as much they want to get done as they thought last year. [Washington Post]
    • OMG BARRY SAID THINGS THEN HE NO LONGER AGREES WITH NOW. [Washington Times]

    RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

    Barry Moneybags

    Thursday, January 31st, 2008
    • Barry Obama tricked the Clintons into attacking him because he knew what it would do for him in South Carolina. Right? [AMERICAblog]
    • Is Mittens going to throw in the towel after his riveting performance in the Air Force One debate last night? Is he, is he? [Balloon Juice]
    • Barry has so much money he can’t even fit any more in his pockets. [Ben Smith]
    • And maybe that has soemthing to do with the fact he’s the most liberal liberal in all of the universe. [National Journal]
    • Even so, he still has a little bit of a paranoia problem. [Whitehouse.com]
    • Conservatives: McCain is best suited to carry on our protracted, national nightmare. [Redstate]

    RUMORS ON THE INTERNET

    Obamalot

    Wednesday, January 30th, 2008
    • Asia is a new country that will soon make Mitt Romney its first-ever president. [Wizbang Politics]
    • Obama going negative is like the leaves changing, or the cherry blossoms blooming in springtime. [AMERICAblog]
    • Rupert Murdoch takes a shot at Clinton. [Politico]
    • Mike Bloomberg has ads! ADS! [Hot Air]
    • Two assholes united by singularity of purpose. [Michelle Malkin]
    • John Edwards may file for unemployment. [Fresh Intelligence]
    • A play on words that would make Shakespeare proud. [Redstate]

    DAILY BRIEFING

    Count Your Blessings

    Wednesday, January 30th, 2008
    • Attorney General Mukasey finally got around to answering that waterboarding question. [New York Times]
    • Florida yields a two-person field? We only count one. [New York Times]
    • We may not have health care, but pretty soon we’ll all have the best picture quality money can buy. [Wall Street Journal]
    • The Energy Dept. might pull out of plan to store greenhouse gases underground because the whole idea is stupid. [Washington Post]
    • Congress will let Dick Cheney read your email for two more weeks while they try to figure out what to do next. [Washington Post]
    • Sorry, Rudy. There was no way of knowing that you’re strategy of shamelessly exploiting an already-tapped out source of national grief wouldn’t get you there. [Politico, The Hill]
    • The Senate may not give us our $600. [Politico]
    • Margaret Truman, now dead, was a one-person Salinger novel. [Los Angeles Times]