Author Archives: Greer Mansfield

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Is Barack Obama a ‘Sex Rebel’ Fathered By Jimi Hendrix?

Your book reviewer was hoping to dig into the new collection of Bruce Chatwin’s letters sometime soon, but then we remembered our Wonkette responsibilities, i.e. to finish what we started last week and continue to describe the ways and wonders of Deconstructing Obama: The Life, Loves, and Letters of America’s First Postmodern President by Jack Cashill, the world’s greatest “literary detective.” Among the revelations: Barack Obama might be a “sex rebel.” Also, he’s the son of either A) a guy who edited various Communist newspapers in the 1930s or B) Jimi Hendrix. Read more on Is Barack Obama a ‘Sex Rebel’ Fathered By Jimi Hendrix?…
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Barack Obama Not Capable of Book-Writing, Sez ‘Literary Detective’

Barack Obama: you’re familiar with him (or are you?). Whatever else you might say about the man, it’s hard to deny that he’s smart and literate and can express his thoughts in non-horrible English. Or so you sheeple thought, until world-renowned author and self-proclaimed “literary detective” Jack Cashill came along to prove that Bill Ayers wrote Barry’s books and that, well, it’s not like black people can write proper books anyway. Cashill’s newest exposé, Deconstructing Obama: The Life, Loves, and Letters of America’s First Postmodern President, released this week, will forever prove that Obama was born to Indonesian chupacabras and is a literary Space Communist. Read more on Barack Obama Not Capable of Book-Writing, Sez ‘Literary Detective’…
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Donald Rumsfeld Sad About Torture, Opponents of Torture

Are you a small business owner looking (now that our economy is in Recovery) to hire an actual destroyer of human beings for your growing Torture of Humans business? In today’s competitive atrocity market, run-of-the-mill teenage terrorists with their scrotum-fuses and YouTube videos probably won’t get the job done (though they are notoriously cheap workers). You’ll likely need a death-monster with exceptional organizational skills, a man who knows desks and flow charts as well as he knows piles of nekkid prisoners. Might your reviewer suggest Donald Rumsfeld, with his résumé/memoir Known and Unknown? He might. Read more on Donald Rumsfeld Sad About Torture, Opponents of Torture…
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Did Snooki and/or Aliens Write This New ‘O’ Novel?

It’s amazing that novels about Washington DC intrigue get written at all, because the politicians who engage in what the media thinks of as “Washington intrigue” take dullness to unholy extremes. New Obama administration roman à clef O: A Presidential Novel achieves the feat of making these people even duller in fiction than they are in real life, which makes “Anonymous” (Richard Cohen? An intern at Politico? Snooki?) [Mark Salter. Same thing.–ed.] a great talent, like those nameless aliens who built the pyramids. But enough talk about Egypt, because right now our business is history’s most boring novel. Read more on Did Snooki and/or Aliens Write This New ‘O’ Novel?…
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Reagan Boys Disagree On Dad’s Dementia, Much Else

Ancient lizard god Ronald Reagan achieved many things during his 93 years on Planet Earth, one of which was the actual creation of Planet Earth (modern conservative scholars will confirm this, so don’t argue). It seems our greatest president’s 100th birthday will occur this February 6 (mark your calendar with eagle tears, plan a seance, etc.), so both his actual son and his unwanted adopted son are marking the occasion by releasing dad-themed books: The New Reagan Revolution: How Ronald Reagan’s Principles Can Restore America’s Greatness is from the adoptee, Michael, and My Father at 100is by balletic son Ron. Apparently these two really hate each other, mainly because they can’t agree on just when Pop started to go a bit funny in the head. Read more on Reagan Boys Disagree On Dad’s Dementia, Much Else…
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Q&A With Eliot Weinberger (Who Wrote That Great Bush Bio Review)

Tragically, Wonkette World o’ Books hasn’t read any stream-of-consciousness Sarah Palin diaries or Glenn Beck murder mysteries in the last few weeks. This means there will be no book “review” this week. What to do instead? Well, surely you all remember that funny and imaginative review of George W. Bush’s Decision Points in the London Review of Books a few weeks ago. By some weird coincidence, your Wonkette reviewer started corresponding with the piece’s author, Eliot Weinberger, just before it was published. At some point, we wondered if Mr. Weinberger would be willing to sit down for a shambolic Wonkette interview. He kindly agreed. Read more on Q&A With Eliot Weinberger (Who Wrote That Great Bush Bio Review)…
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Glenn Beck’s Tears Save Christmas

Wonkette World o’ Books is a bit late to the party on this week’s Fine Read. The Christmas Sweater, a curious coming-of-age novel by beloved teevee lunatic Glenn Beck, was actually published in 2008, which took place a full, what, THREE years ago, almost? A picture book version (for the kids) and a film/one-man-show version (for chortling libtards with money to burn on a goddamned Glenn Beck movie) followed in 2009. There were many amusing reviews. But no one, it seems, had read the novel that led to the comical movie/show. Until now. Read more on Glenn Beck’s Tears Save Christmas…
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Your Wonkette Guide To the War On Christmas

Christ-killers and Menorah fetishists, ACLU fascists and Kwanzaa-celebrating racists, liberals and Nazis, gather ’round the Christmas fire! Normally at Christmastime, your reviewer would want to read aloud some classics of the season, but this year we must focus on what’s truly important and enduring: books by furious wingnuts that denounce the damnable War on Christmas. According to two incisive pieces of War on Christmas/Christians lit, you liberal hooligans are setting reindeer traps and torching Nativity scenes left and right. But then again, even flying reindeer might be a liberal/Hitlerite plot. What? Read more on Your Wonkette Guide To the War On Christmas…
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Obama Wants Your Child To Be Helen Keller

Young author Barack H. Obama (also a noted current president of the United States) has for some time owed his publishers a children’s book; specifically, one to bring out around the holidays. Barry managed to write just such a thing before he took office, or so we’re told. Your reviewer suspects the President actually wrote it on the job, in between pressing phone calls (“ah fuck it, just continue the drone strikes”) and indoor Crocodile Mile sessions with Rahm Emanuel and David Axelrod. The book, titled Of Thee I Sing, is a poem-letter to Barry’s daughters Sasha and Malia. Of what, specifically, does Obama sing?  Read more on Obama Wants Your Child To Be Helen Keller…
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Sarah Palin Reflects On Stuff, Via Ghostwriters

Surely you’ve been wondering lately, “HMMM, what makes better Hanukkah reading: Sarah Palin’s new book, or that infinite library of Wikileak’d State Department telegrams?” If you enjoy endless Reports of the Obvious (“TOP SECRET: Arabs don’t like Iran!”) and the occasional bitchy gossip item (“Vladimir Putin: DRAG QUEEN BY NIGHT, or so I’ve heard”), go with the Wikileaks document dump. If you prefer something more Exceptionally American Exceptionalist, go with eight copies of America by Heart: Reflections on Family, Faith, and Flag by our tawdry nation’s premier media figure. What lurks therein, to degrade civilization and the human soul? Read more on Sarah Palin Reflects On Stuff, Via Ghostwriters…
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Newt Gingrich Understands Martha Washington’s Rage

Historical novels aren’t like those Important Must-Read Books about getting divorced in Connecticut or that time your grandparents died. They imply that other times, other places, other ways of being, people who are in many ways QUITE DIFFERENT from yourself might be interesting and worth reading about, sometimes even more interesting than you and your addiction to ferret-tranquilizers (which caused your Connecticut divorce). The best historical novels are rich and entertaining indeed, but as with any other kind of writing, 90% of them are pretty bad. Which brings us to Valley Forge, a novel about the American Revolution partially authored by beloved American demagogue Newt Gingrich. Read more on Newt Gingrich Understands Martha Washington’s Rage…
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‘Lone Hen Turkey’ Saves America in George W. Bush’s New Memoir

Former Texas Rangers owner George W. Bush was so upset by the outcome of the 2010 World Series that he retreated to a dark library somewhere and poured his feelings into a huge cri de coeur titled Decision Points. It also includes stuff about his time as President of the United States. You’ve already heard about the fetus jar and other revelations; is there anything else worth hearing about in this thing? Probably not! Nonetheless, Wonkette has read this miscarried jar-person of a book and reviewed it, here. Read more on ‘Lone Hen Turkey’ Saves America in George W. Bush’s New Memoir…
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Weeping-Eagle Erotica: Sad Sex Scenes = Freedom

Down in the dumps about the election? Looking for an escape from our National Jobs & Politics Sadness via the wonder of books? Do you crave Teabagger erotica about a small-town Texan sheriff who leads a dramatic insurrection against the degenerate rulers of Amerika, leaving a trail of dead and maimed illegal immigrants in his wake, while having weepy sexytime with his wife? If you answered “Oh hell yes!” to all these questions, Till the Eagle Screams by Paul Rawlings will be your only pleasure in these dark times. Read more on Weeping-Eagle Erotica: Sad Sex Scenes = Freedom…
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Your Wonkette Guide To Terrifying Halloween Reading!

Rejoice, Wonketeers, for Halloween is nearly upon us! In keeping with the spirit of this sexy witch-burning holiday, Wonkette World o’ Books is going to try something a bit different this week. Instead of reviewing one shameful/inept book, we’ll simply recommend a few different books, none of them explicitly about politics but all helpful in illuminating the Horror and Devilry of our nation’s public life. Read on, and questions will be answered! Questions like: What can studies of witchery teach us about Christine O’Donnell? Also: if Tea Partiers and other folks want to cut government spending so badly, why doesn’t our military save money by becoming more like Dr. Fu Manchu?  Read more on Your Wonkette Guide To Terrifying Halloween Reading!…
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A Pirate/Abortion/Nuke/Fashion Epic, by Ralph Reed

Remember Ralph Reed, shameless leader of ’90s boy band “the Christian Coalition” and smooth-faced huckster for Casino Jesus? Your book reviewer doesn’t spend an unhealthy amount of time thinking about Ralph Reed, but he occasionally wonders, “How does Ralph Reed spend his time when he’s not manufacturing rube hysteria and gobbling up Jack Abramoff lobbying fees to fund his large tacky house in the Atlanta suburbs? Really, what are his hobbies?” Book scientists can now confirm he “writes” novels. Who knew?! Read more on A Pirate/Abortion/Nuke/Fashion Epic, by Ralph Reed…
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Republican ‘Young Guns’ Publish Violent Cowboy Novel

The creaky and lonesome ol’ town of Americaville — no longer a boomtown, not yet a ghost town — just ain’t been the same since that corrupt mayor, mean ol’ Barry Obammer, took office and made every cowpoke, whore, gamblin’ man, Injun and saloon piano player sad as a still sagebrush. The citizens of Americaville need some real cowboys to clean up their one-horse town, yessirree. Cowboys like the Republican Party’s “young guns” Eric Cantor, Paul Ryan and Kevin McCarthy, who’ve formed a posse and written a shoot ‘em up Young Adult Western novel called Young Guns: A New Generation of Conservative Leaders. Just how does our trio of “young” heroes plan to get rid of mean ol’ Mayor Obammer? Read more on Republican ‘Young Guns’ Publish Violent Cowboy Novel…