Evan Hurst

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Evan Hurst is the Senior Editor of Wonkette. He spends his days deflecting the sad glances of his black lab, Lula, who would please like him to stop typing letters to the internet and throw the squeaky chicken in the backyard instead. Though the internet does not give him credit, it's probably his fault Aaron Schock is no longer a congressperson, due how Evan would not stay off his tail during the SCANDALS. (Not in a sex way, in a writing way!) Also, he writes songs and plays the piano, at the same time! Lastly, Evan is a Southern person, and thus is casting polite judgment on you, right now, for reading this. Bless your heart.

Guten Morgen, Wonkers, WTF does that headline even mean? Did Hillary Clinton and Ted Cruz actually have a caucus with Satan at the Olive Garden and that's how she winned all those coin flips...
These ladies apparently.

OH GOLLY GEE HIP HOORAY, we think we found a story about the Democratic primary that will NOT make anybody weep and wail and gnash their teeths and beat their breasteses and helicopter their...
Oh Jeb. What did she do to you?

What up, Jeb? Besides losing for president and trying to win supporters who will never come, because you are so pathetic? Oh, we see, you're kiddin' around at a "campaign event" about how terrible...
there's that appleheaded vagina mouth we love so much

Raise your hand if you think Donald Trump believes even half of the stuff that comes out of his mouth. Now if your hand is raised, use it to slap yourself in the face...

Thursday night's Democratic debate was fun! As usual, it featured grown-ups saying brain thoughts to each other, as opposed to the poo-flinging zoo creatures on the crowded GOP debate stage. But this time the...
That's you right now.

What's shakin', DUMMIES? Just sittin' around, bein' DUMMIES? Just fooling, you are not so dumb after all. Because obviously (OBVIOUSLY) you are planning to meet us late this evening here at Ye Olde Wonkette...
A face even a mother could punch.

At the end of January, we all giggled together about how LOL, David Daleiden of the Center For Medical Progress, the guy who made those fake videos that supposedly show Planned Parenthood selling grande...
Typical.

There goes Barry Barack Hussein The Muslim Obama again, showing everybody what a Muslim-loving Muslim from Muslimistan he is! If you were born on a turnip truck five minutes from now, you probably don't...
Bye Rick.

Oh well, guess Rick Santorum's dreams have died again. Late Wednesday, Santorum surprised exactly no one by declaring that he would no longer be quote unquote "running for president," and that he has decided...
See this pie, ISIS? You can't have none!

When you are a Republican from Maine, you have to work HARD to come up with new ways to be a dick. Sociopath Gov. Paul LePage's SPECIALTY, the thing that gives him morning wood, is taking...
They ain't smilin' no more.

Good morning, Wonkers! Did you watch the super exciting whoa-gazi jam session CNN did with the Democratic candidates last night? Did it send a thrill up your leg and leave a wet spot on...
They're probably not goin to be nice to each other like this anymore, oh well.

Oh gosh, what a week it has been, and it's not over yet. First Hillary eked out the minorest of beatings against Bernie in the Iowa caucuses. Like so minor that if some of...
Things that aren't in his mouth right now: Semen lattes. Allegedly.

Have you met this nice, totally normal pastor of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, James David Manning? He is the main dude of the Atlah Worldwide Ministries in Harlem, and his church is up...
The way we were.

Hooray, the real Donald Trump is back! We were worried Tuesday when it seemed like maybe he had been sedated after his SECOND PLACE IS FIRST LOSER finish in the Iowa Caucuses. He was...
OOOH DADDY WE GET TO DO TEEVEE AGAIN!

We just ... I ... what? WHY? If this report from the Christian Post is in any way true, the TLC network is a buncha rancid whores: After seeing the success of , it was announced that TLC...
Well this sure is upsetting, no it's not.

See? The insane, dumb Iowa caucuses DO serve a purpose, and it's to get rid of some more of these damn Republicans who think for whatever reason that they might get to be president...

Wonkette Primary! Vote!


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