SPOILER: You really don't want any of these men babysitting your little girl.
It's probably best to let him believe the Mueller investigation is almost over.
YOU COME READ YOUR TOP TEN STORIES RIGHT NOW!
Also BREAKING NEWS: Alabama Gov. Kay Ivey is proudly voting for the kid-toucher!
Oh, you meant THOSE Russian emails?
Weird, the sexual predator in the White House still doesn't have anything to say about accused kid toucher Roy Moore.
Pretty sure Glenn Greenwald is still seeing Assange on the side, though.
Let's have a CAPTION CONTEST.
Pip pip and cheerio!
Hello, Roy Moore's 6th and 7th accusers. Tell us your stories!
WE DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE ANYMORE!
What in the ACTUAL fuck did we just watch?
God did say His people would be hated for loving him too much.
This has to be rock bottom. It has to be, right?