Author Archives: Erik Jay

Full Name: Erik Jay Website:
Info: Erik Jay is currently unemployed, but has a history of managing various motels and quitting customer service jobs on day 1. He still feels accomplished graduating from a continuation high school in 1989.
  Lunch Crunch

Mob Offers Free Club Sammich To White Supremacists

Tinley Park IL – Tinley Park is a small community that has a way of making anyone who visits feel right at home. It’s a place that allows people to know one another, shake hands with an old friend while walking down the main road and gather nightly at local restaurants sporting a ‘come one, come all’ vibe. Sometimes in towns like Tinley, feathers can get ruffled and little spats occur as they do in any family setting. This is a place where one can vent frustrations without fear of losing out on friendship. These modest folks don’t make it a point to cause any trouble. They just want to finish their day’s work, go to a local eatery, beat people with clubs, have their dinner and go home to fall to sleep in front of the TV. Read more on Mob Offers Free Club Sammich To White Supremacists…
  Priestly Beast

Priest Battles Homosexuality One 16-Year-Old At A Time

In a time when gay satan has plagued the churches with rampant homosexual battles, a breath of fresh air has been given to those on the side of good. The righteous have found their cleaner and he knows what he’s doing. He is a man of God and he has an impressive way of showing his devotion to the Holy Spirit. His name is John Fiala and he hates gays so much that he had to become one to beat one. Father John Fiala was a good Catholic priest residing in the great state of Texas. He was always there for the kids, he was quite approachable and he knew where all the good motels were. Father John had a way of connecting with certain lost souls. He had a way of sniffing out those in danger of facing the gay devil nestled within boys. It was a very warm and gay Texas summer day when Father John’s pelvic powered Jesus compass pointed straight up to a young boy. This was the moment he was waiting for. This boy was going to be saved! Read more on Priest Battles Homosexuality One 16-Year-Old At A Time…
  call your doctor

George Zimmerman’s View To A Pill

When Trayvon Martin was killed, it looked really bad for George Zimmerman until it was discovered that he was fighting the savage effects of a marijuana-fueled person of color. Little did Zimmerman know that the young man he was chasing was seeking weedemption for all of his terrorist pot smoking members who belong to a secret organization called ‘People In The United States Who Have Tried Marijuana.’ Luckily for Zimmerman, there’s a pill for this; and he happened to be prepared by taking it well before the altercation ensued. What miracle drug allowed Mr. Zimmerman to tangle with this young man? It was none other than big pharma endorsed ‘happy place’ drug Temazepam. How can one mind altering pill that has potential side effects of violence be able to combat the threat of a stoned teen on a cell phone walking down the street? It’s easy when all you have to do is swallow it, wait an hour and hate black people. Read more on George Zimmerman’s View To A Pill…
  Bristol Bump

Bristol Palin Absolutely Not Sexing Anyone, Says Bristol Palin

Bristol Palin is setting the record straight about ‘putting a ring on it’ vs ‘trial marriage’ (getting dick). Despite her past struggles of tagging hockey players, having a child out of wedlock and pretending to be a Christian, Bristol is super totally not “doing it” with the hot dude your Wonkette said Bristol was totally doing it with. Bristol is a good Christian, but now she wants to show how bad it is for everyone else but her to get it without being married first. Bristol, through her years of experience, has found the only way to have sex and be ok with it is to put a shiny piece of metal on her finger and getting the ‘do it’ from Jesus. Read more on Bristol Palin Absolutely Not Sexing Anyone, Says Bristol Palin…
  Ungrateful Dead

Egypt Bringing New Meaning To Term ‘Cold Fish’ (UPDATED!)

The mysterious land of Egypt has always been known for three things: Pyramids, the Sphinx and sex with dead people. Now husbands who have been married for years with the same wife may be able to enjoy a continuing fruitful sex life post mortem (but, sadly, the ‘screw by’ date expires six hours after death). The law — which may in fact just be a smear campaign — could help bridge the gap between Egyptian laws and men’s rights: Egyptian men have been oppressed long enough by having to marry adults and watching women get educated so they can work. Enough is enough. This proposed law allowing men to bid a fond farewell to the corpses of their wives, with their penises, is one of a set brought to you by your friends over at the Islamist-dominated parliament nestled in beautiful downtown Cairo. And men are not the only ones who benefit. Ladies get to enjoy the freedom of marriage as young as 14 with no worry of ever having to better themselves. Who needs school and work when you have a guy at home salivating over the thought of fornicating with your dead body? Oh…and ladies, fair is fair: you also get to have sex with your dead husbands! Good luck! Read more on Egypt Bringing New Meaning To Term ‘Cold Fish’ (UPDATED!)…
  the horror

Louisiana Foster Kids Saved From Horror of Loving Homes

BATON ROUGE, LA – A local House Committee in Baton Rouge saved the last little pocket of American innocence on Tuesday. A proposal that would have allowed gay couples and straight unmarried couples and other ungodless folk (Wiccans?) to adopt children together in Louisiana has been defeated, with the House Civil Law and Procedure Committee voting 9-2 against HB 1081. Foster kids have it really good and the thought of subjecting them to a loving household without a marriage certificate is unthinkable. To make matters worse, passage of this bill would have forced some children to live in a house where parents have the same genitals! Who is the sicko responsible for trying to hurt these kids? It is Rep. Jared Brossett, known child hater and endorser of same-genital co-existence (Democrat). Read more on Louisiana Foster Kids Saved From Horror of Loving Homes…
  is there sex in a gop champagne room?

Tampa Strip Clubs To Be Disappointed When Hordes of Straight GOPers Fail To Come

Tampa, Fla – Churches, bathroom stalls and NAMBLA can take a well-deserved five. The GOP circus is coming to Tampa and the city’s finer purveyor of tittay are hauling them out and boosting them up in preparation! There is so much business expected, businesses are working in harmony, helping out their competitors, and city residents are welcoming the influx in greazy cash. Tampa Gold Club and Scores Gentlemen’s Club & Steakhouse are two of the better known clubs in town. Both have been gearing up for the onslaught of normal, family-oriented, churchgoing, upstanding members of society. Club remodels are underway, with upgrades in everything from furniture, lighting and booze to higher end strippers with fewer thigh bruises. Boobs and booze may scare some off, but with a little luck all of these upgrades will provide a show that will tickle even the most staunch right wingers. To make things even hotter, the strippers are going to be paid 70 cents for every dollar a male would earn. Read more on Tampa Strip Clubs To Be Disappointed When Hordes of Straight GOPers Fail To Come…
  Colson Out!

We Won’t have Chuck Colson To Kick Around Anymore

Watergate warrior Chuck Colson died. He was 80 years old. Colson was most famous for going above and beyond the law for disgraced President Richard “Dick” Nixon, thus becoming one of America’s first humiliated and imprisoned American heroes. (He served less than a year in prison for his role in “Watergate,” which was a political scandal famous for being the first of the next eleven thousand “gates” in American politics.) But underneath his hatred and strong signs of sociopathic behavior beat the heart of a good man, some idiots think. Read more on We Won’t have Chuck Colson To Kick Around Anymore…
  Bush's Balls

Jeb ‘The Smart One’ Bush Gladdens Democrat Hearts With Vague ‘Maybe’ To Veep Question

West Palm Beach, Fla – Y’all ready to see if George H.W. Bush’s testes can ruin the world (again)? Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush says he might prove it by considering a shot at the veep spot, if asked nicely by Willard. But he doesn’t think Willard likes him that way. That’s ok, because even though Jeb would consider it, he doesn’t know if it would be the right thing. That’s how them Bushies think. Jeb’s mental prowess has allowed him to answer the difficult questions only a potential commander-in-chief can fulfill. At almost light speed and spot-on precision, he told America, “I would consider it” then, shortly after, “I am not going to be the veep nominee. Lay that to rest.” Then, he laid it all out for America when he ended the day with, “I guess I wasn’t clear enough.” Read more on Jeb ‘The Smart One’ Bush Gladdens Democrat Hearts With Vague ‘Maybe’ To Veep Question…
  but is it art

Racist Gallery Available For People Who Can’t Afford To Visit Alabama

Big Rapids, MI –- Jim Crow is back, baby! Ferris State University has recently opened the Jim Crow Museum of Racist Memorabilia and it is chock-full of beautifully restored treasures of hatred. The museum has the nation’s largest public collection of racist artifacts. Founder David Pilgrim makes no apologies for the museum and hopes it will serve as a learning tool to those who need to be taught it isn’t polite to hate. The shiny new museum only cost $1.3 million which is a bargain compared to turning the entire South into a giant fishbowl. Read more on Racist Gallery Available For People Who Can’t Afford To Visit Alabama…
  identical cousins

Bishop In Search Of Hitler and Stalin Says Obama Good Enough Match

Peoria, IL – Bishop Daniel Jenky was conducting his Sunday message to a small group of Catholic followers in his modest countryside church, nestled in Peoria, Illinois. Bishop Jenky really knows how to deliver a powerful message. And just as Jesus would have done, he compared President Barack Obama to Adolf Hitler and Joseph Stalin. Catholics have had a little Hitler exposure over the years, so it was no surprise that the Bishop was able to see so many similarities between the three. Bishop Jenky isn’t your typical hatemonger. He is an educated hatemonger and he has all sorts of letters following his name to prove it. He refers to himself as “Most Reverend Daniel R. Jenky, C.S.C., D.D.” “Hitler and Stalin, at their better moments, would just barely tolerate some churches remaining open, but would not tolerate any competition with the state in education, social services, and health care. In clear violation of our First Amendment rights, President Obama — with his radical, pro-abortion and extreme secularist agenda, now seems intent on following a similar path.” That is why Barack Obama has shut down all the Catholic schools and hospitals, in his War on Catholics, which he learned at the knees of liberal Catholics who were also at war with Catholics, by being liberal. Read more on Bishop In Search Of Hitler and Stalin Says Obama Good Enough Match…
  The Pain In Bain

Romney Firm Too Busy Firing People For Not Being Mormon To Create Those Jobs He Keeps Talking About

What kind of underwear do you have on? Are they magical? No? Outta here! Bain Capital, a job creating powerhouse established by America’s number one job creator Mitt Romney, is being sued by a group of people that claim they were fired for not being part of the Mormon church (LDS). This rogue group of secular sweat hogs were threatening the very foundation of ethics and morals Bain was built on. It was time to call out Romney Rooter and snake out these infiltrators of normalcy and make sure that the pains in Bain go mainly down the drain. Read more on Romney Firm Too Busy Firing People For Not Being Mormon To Create Those Jobs He Keeps Talking About…
  hammertime

Florida Stops Dancing Thugs From Destroying Town

Weston, Florida – Floridians can breathe a sigh of relief and unlock their doors at night. There is no more need for police officers, and every senior citizen is now safe without the threat of being eaten by rap zombies. How did Weston create such an amazing utopia for its residents? How did they erase all crime and cause everyone to live in peace and harmony? Did they steal the playbook from Hidden Valley? The answer has been there the entire time and leaders around the world are kicking themselves in the asses for not thinking of it first. The answer to stopping all crime is to stop all dancing. Read more on Florida Stops Dancing Thugs From Destroying Town…
  elimination power station

Mitt Romney Accidentally Gives Details On Something, Somewhere, To Someone

PALM BEACH, Fla. – Willard Romney took a moment out of his daily dog and pony show to deliver some real ideas a la Romney. This wasn’t a typical Romnification of bullshit jib jab. These were actual ideas coming from the Republican contender. This was a closed-door fundraiser that was held by some of Romney’s supporters. He outlined particulars that left quite an impression on the attendees. And also quite an impression on the political reporters who’d been made to wait outside. HOT MIC! HOT MIC! Somebody call Putin quick! Read more on Mitt Romney Accidentally Gives Details On Something, Somewhere, To Someone…
  they say it's your birthday?

Sorry We Missed Your Birthday, Ann Romney!

Ann ‘Quintomom’ Romney, an unemployed housewife with five children, has recently gained recognition due to her stressed domestic situation. With a husband on the road almost seven days a week, she doesn’t have a chance to have any ‘Ann Time.’ When her story took to the air, the heartstrings of a selfless job creator were tugged on. Ann’s birthday was yesterday and she never asks for much, but Melania Trump (who is still around?) is going to make sure she gets a birthday bash she will never forget. Read more on Sorry We Missed Your Birthday, Ann Romney!…
  Republicans Poking Around Again

Friendly Republicans Offer To Help Obama Out By Looking Into This Whole Hooker Thing For Him

A heated exchange between a prostitute and a Secret Service agent has led to an embarrassing situation for President Obama to deal with. It turns out eleven U.S. Secret Service agents and five military service members are under investigation and facing possible reprimand for allegedly cavorting with prostitutes and drinking excessively at a Colombian hotel ahead of President Obama’s visit to Colombia to explain that no he will never ever ever ever decriminalize drugs. If the investigation turns out to hold merit — and it is probably going to turn out to hold lots of merit, among other things it is holding — Obama is going to be pissed. “If it turns out some of the allegations that have been made in the press are confirmed, then, of course, I’ll be angry,” he said, doing that thing where he tries and fails to do an impression of “angry.” He doesn’t need to get “angry.” He has people for that. Read more on Friendly Republicans Offer To Help Obama Out By Looking Into This Whole Hooker Thing For Him…