Doktor Zoom

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Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition). He loves upvoting your comments but Disqus is broken and his upvotes don't "stick." Just assume he upvoted what you said, because it was excellent and witty.
'Some' sure say a lot of stupid shit, don't they?

A Republican nominee for Congress accuses her Democratic opponent, incumbent Tulsi Gabbard, of being a devil worshipper because Gabbard is Hindu. She also hates Japanese-Americans. She seems nice.
There's no war on women. Maybe some casualties, but no war.

After massive cuts to women's clinics aimed at putting Planned Parenthood out of business, Texas now has the highest maternal death rate in the developed world. Yay! Still better than Sudan!
It starts with a single toke. Before you know it, you're unfreezing Iranian assets following international negotiations

Sen. Mark Kirk says Barack Obama is the 'drug dealer in chief' for releasing frozen Iranian assets. He doesn't do metaphors very good.
Financial model remarkably similar to Trump's

Michele Bachmann is advising Donald Trump on foreign policy. How's that for a kick in the pants?
I have heard the derpmaids singing, each to each

Hey, Dinesh D'Souza saw our review of his dumb movie! He didn't like it much.
Head shots: They let you know who's running, but don't make for very funny jokes. Darn.

Who'd have guessed that North Carolina may be a key state in Democrats' hopes of retaking the Senate? We're just as surprised as you!

Donald Trump went to Baton Rouge to look at the floodwaters, help unload a truck, and sign some baseball caps. Everything's better!
Oh, one more. How about 'I'd like that in used, nonsequential $100 bills'?

Paul Manafort had resigned from Donald Trump's presidential campaign; we bet everyone's all broken up about that.
Beloved cartoon character Elmer Fudd proclaims it's Rabid Season

Sen. Jeff Sessions would jsut like us to remember how tough on crime Donald Trump is: So tough he called for the execution of five falsely-accused teens!
Mistakes were made

Donald Trump regrets some things he said. What things? Things.
At least they stopped short of waterboarding the kid

A lawsuit alleges officials at a Long Island middle school forced a learning-disabled Muslim boy to confess to planning a terrorist attack. Get ready for morons to start explaining why this made perfect sense.
He likes that song about the Secret Asian Man, though

Donald Trump doesn't have a very high opinion of American intelligence. That seems ungrateful to the people who won him the nomination.
All the boys think she's a spy / she's got Bette Davis eyes

Yet another would-be rightwing dirty trickster has been caught trying to infiltrate a Democratic campaign. These folks are really crappy spies.
Little-known fact: Butthurt is also covered by Obamacare

Aetna dropped out of Obamacare exchanges in 11 states this week, proving either that Obamacare is unsustainable, or that big corporations can act like big babies when they don't get what they want.

A Tulsa man has been charged with murdering his next-door neighbor because he was from Lebanon. Yes, in the USA in 2016.
Screw the cookies. I want the Foreign Relations Committee

Liz Cheney won the Republican primary for the open House seat in Wyoming, putting her on a path to eventual Overlordhood.

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