Doktor Zoom

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Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition). He loves upvoting your comments but Disqus is broken and his upvotes don't "stick." Just assume he upvoted what you said, because it was excellent and witty.

Betsy DeVos Wants Everyone To Be Happy. Bigots, And The Immigrant Kids They Rat Out To ICE

Since when do you expect the head of a federal agency to know anything about federal law?

Portal To Hell Opens In White House Lawn. Obama Never Had One Of Those.

You know WHO ELSE never had a sinkhole on the White House lawn? All the other presidents, Katie.
still from Bee Movie with Winnie the Pooh in a rifle scope's crosshairs

Ryan Zinke To Permit Uday And Qusay Trump To Murder Bear Cubs, Too

Federally-mandated revision of 'Bambi' will have the little deer say his mother was a renewable resource, so fair's fair.

Everyone Mourns Differently. Father Of Texas School Shooter Mourns Like A Dick

Terrible how liberals blame others for their own actions. Just ask this Fox News watching NRA fan.

Idiot Gateway Pundit Reporter, But We Repeat Ourselves, Lectures Bernice King On Her Father, MLK

News Flash: Martin Luther King Jr. gave more than one speech, wingnuts skeptical.

You Can Have Donald Trump’s Jitterbug Old People Phone When You Pry It From His Cold Dead Hands

Now that Obama's out of office, no one would wire tapp Trump anyway.

Border Patrol Guy Keeps Montana Safe From Two US Citizens Speaking Spanish

He saw something, and he said something. Something stupid and bigoted.

American Dreams Take Second Place To Precious, Precious Guns

10 people are dead. 10 more are injured. A very unemotional discussion of some costs of having more guns than people in America.

Jailbird Don Blankenship Running Third-Party For Senate, Because What Are Laws?

Looks like we may have Don Blankenship to kick around some more.

Deleted Comments: Are All You Diversity Supremacists Inbread Or Just Jewish?

Oh, what a lovely little Shitferbrains we have for you today, Wonkers! It's full of some of the most original trolling we've ever seen, and... OK, actually, it's the same derp as ever, albeit with at one new attempt...

Indiana’s GOP Senate Candidate Wants America Run Like Business. His Business Sucks Ass.

Why do these guys keep insisting something that isn't a business should be run like one?

Nazi Mother-In-Law Fucker Off To Jail. But Not For Assaulting His Lover’s Daughter (His Wife)

Try not to cry too hard for this Nazi schmuck, whose bizarre domestic battery case violated his probation in a whole 'nother crime.

House GOP Fails To Take Your Food Stamps Away. Better Luck Next Time, House GOP!

Yep, that Republican control of government sure is great for avoiding gridlock. Blame the Democrats.
King Arthur and Sir Bedivere from Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Rep. Mo Brooks Does Science: Maybe Sea Levels Rise When Someone Drops Mountains In The Ocean

Next, some amazing news on how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.

Judge Reams ICE’s Ass For Perjuring All Over Dreamer Kid

Yet another ICE story that may put your computer or mobile device in danger of being hurled across the room.

Alex Jones Has Thoughts On Robert Mueller’s Deep State Sex Orgy, By A Doctor Of Rhetoric

Alex Jones is a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a hypothetical gang-bang video.