Doktor Zoom

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Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition). He loves upvoting your comments but Disqus is broken and his upvotes don't "stick." Just assume he upvoted what you said, because it was excellent and witty.
We'll defend to the death your right to be a smug, entitled little jerk baby

The University of California-Irvine apparently forgot that government entities can't ban loathsome opinions. Are they trying to confirm rightwing stereotypes?
You do realize we're going to keep the military bases...

The Brexit vote has Texas secessionists all excited, because every now and then they need to be mentioned in the media. And then laughed at.
He is an actual, biological tortoise. And NRA stooge.

Mitch McConnell, faced with the risk of allowing a vote on a widely supported gun bill that the NRA didn't like, pulled a pretty neat switcheroo. Give the old coot credit for being crafty.
To Protect and Unnerve

In news only slightly less surprising than Britons' vote to leave the EU, the former Texas cop who roughed up a 15-year-old girl at a pool party has been cleared of criminal charges by a grand jury.
That guy is such a jerk

The Supreme Court deadlocked in an immigration case, effectively killing off President Obama's 2014 executive action on immigration. Get ready for drunks to start trying to enforce the decision with crowbars.

Paul Ryan said he wouldn't dwell on the shocking lack of decorum in the House by Democrats who were staging a sit-in to call attention to gun violence. Then he very indecorously dismissed the action as a "publicity stunt" for the sole purpose of raising funds.
Who needs facts when you've got charm?

Donald Trump is going to be incredibly ready for his debates with Hillary Clinton, although he hasn't started preparing for them yet. September is FOREVER away.
Oh god, Wonkette's bringing out the kittens

Rightwing blogs went crazy with stories of a 'gang rape' by 'Syrian refugees' that turned out to be mostly paranoid rumor. So when authorities clarified what happened, obviously that was part of the cover-up, too.
That works for political careers and reputations, too.

The Republicans finally have a plan to replace Obamacare! It's really more of a wish list for brainstorming what a plan might look like, after some planning.
All the lies, none of the energy.

Donald Trump gave a speech about Hillary Clinton, and thanks to the miracle of Twitter, it was fact-checked to pieces while in progress.
Not as fun as a new car :(

Yet another state program to test welfare recipients for drugs has found no drug fiends getting welfare. Clearly, the answer is tougher drug tests.
Really can't go wrong with this pic. Or the corndog.

Donald Trump went and got himself a bunch of top rightwing Christian thought leaders to join his newly-announced 'evangelical advisory board.' He got Michele Bachmann, too.
Gary Larson did it better. But Trump IS a vulture...

Donald Trump is questioning Hillary Clinton's faith. And her commitment to Sparkle Motion.
Those Trump Steaks won't eat themselves

Donald Trump's campaign has been great business for Donald Trump. And any business owned by his family.
Trump hats: 2017's top garage sale item

Donald Trump's campaign is in complete disarray. But...what if it isn't?
It's a plausible theory, at least

We've got Bundyite sovereign citizens, liars, and racists against the Bears Ears national monument proposal. Hell, all we need now is some good old-fashioned ratfucking.

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