Bryan Fischer: Teh Gheys Can’t Be Scouts Because Scout Oath Says No Weaklings
Sorry, Homosexual America, but Bryan Fischer is thinking about You People again. By golly, it’s almost as if Bryan Fischer can’t think of many things other than gay people. This time, the mouthpiece for the American Patriarchy Association is having kittens over the possibility that the Boy Scouts of America may vote to allow sodomites [...]
New Trendy Thing: Local Pols Smoking Crack Like It’s 1999
It took a while, sure, but the Marion Berry copycats are suddenly coming out in droves! (They are just really really slow copycats because of their drug-induced torpor.) That is, if two counts as “droves,” and we figure fuck it, because that’s easily enough examples for a New York Times trend piece. So here’s the [...]
Reddit Being So Mean To Oppressed White Nationalists
Hey, Reddit, we know you like being all free-speechy over there, and that you took forever to close down forums like r/creepshots and then winked and nodded when it re-emerged as “candid fashion police” (haha, close-up pictures of boobs and asses, only with the pretense of mocking the fashion sense of the unsuspecting, non-consenting women [...]
Tennessee State Sen. Wreaks Horrific Revenge On Traffic Cam That Nabbed Him Speeding
You may recall how, back in April, Tennessee state Sen. Jon Lundberg bestowed upon himself a resolution declaring Tennessee state Sen. Jon Lundberg the kindest bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being in the history of EVER. This week, Sen. Lundberg, recognizing that he’ll never match his confrere Stacy Campfield in the sheer asshattery needed to [...]
Pacific Northwest Wonkettonians: Get Your (Unofficial) Drinky Thing On In Seattle, June 1!
Hey there, Pacific Northwest and maybe even British Columbian Wonkeetteers, and whatever sea lions ain’t busy eating all the salmon at the Bonneville Dam, mark your colanders for Saturday June 1, when we will gather at The Blarney Stone in beautiful downtown Seattle at 7 in the PM. We will sing union songs and pee [...]
Latest Factory Farm Byproduct: Exploding Foamy Pigdoots
Today, Mother Jones brings us news of yet another exciting environmental development: the enormous lagoons of manure that are the inevitable result of large scale hog farms are home to some wondrous chemical reactions, resulting in a dangerous, highly combustible mess (LUNCH WARNING!): starting in about 2009, in the pits that capture manure under factory-scale [...]
Butthurt Christians Oppressed By Sports Thing That Never Happened
You know what’s outrageous? The way that Christians are constantly being oppressed in this country! Like for instance how a high school track team in Texas had its win taken away and was disqualified from going to the state championship, all because the winning runner in the 4X100 meter relay, Christian athlete Derrick Hayes, pointed [...]
Gap & Wal-Mart To Bangladesh Garment Workers: Go Die In A Fire, LOL
Since “competition” and “efficiency” and “unit cost” are key to success in international trade and to maintaining the prosperous lifestyle we all enjoy in today’s modern America of today, it’s not too big a surprise that U.S. retailers might balk at anything that would make their costs go up. That’s just the Free Market, right? [...]
Sarah Palin Leads ‘Not Sure’ By 8 Points For 2014 Alaska Senate Race
So what if she’s not actually running (yet), and maybe she spends most of her time in Arizona these days, but if she wants the job, a new poll shows bitter quitter Sarah Palin leading the contenders for the 2014 GOP Senate nomination in Alaska. The poll, sponsored by some Tea Party fan fiction club [...]
James Dobson So Glad Feminism Is Over and Women Want to Be Mommies Again
Hello Americans! Focus on the Family founder James Dobson would like you to know that, despite an advanced state of fossilization, he has not “retired to a quiet farm somewhere,” and is still just as much a patriarchal asshat as ever! In a rambling Mother’s Day message, Dobson takes some comfort that, in the midst [...]
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