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Doktor Zoom

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Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition). He loves upvoting your comments but Disqus is broken and his upvotes don't "stick." Just assume he upvoted what you said, because it was excellent and witty.

Deleted Comments: So John Lewis Got Hit On The Head That One Time. Big Deal!

For some reason, we heard from a lot of people who aren't racists this week.

Guys? White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer Has Lost His Freaking Mind

Thank god we got that cleared up. Your Open Thread.

Uppity Women Marching Against Trump’s American Carnage: Your Wonkette Livebloog

A Lot Of People are saying there's a misogynist in the White House. This is what we hear.

Purge Of White House Website Complete: Gays And Climate Change No Longer Exist

Well, what else did you expect?
Early draft obtained by Wonkette

Texas State Rep. Just Wants To Poll Muslims On How Terroristy They Are. Is That Wrong?

No wonder Texas loons weren't going insane about this last year. It's a biennial event.

Who Is Trolling Trump Today? TCM, Elia Kazan, And Zombie Andy Griffith

It's a great movie, but not nearly cynical enough.
Ain't no party like a Pyongyang party, 'cuase a Pyongyang party is ABSOLUTELY MANDATORY

Military Parades? We Did Nazi That Coming!

Maybe some bread and circuses, too.

Donald Trump Loves Reading Books. Here’s A Book. He Loves Reading It.

Books: What have they ever done for us?
Never Forget

Rick Santorum To Bring Word Of God And/Or Rick Santorum To Heathen CNN

All out of frothy jokes.

Get Well Soon, Poppy and Bar Bush

Look this good when 92 you are, you will not.
Do we really need an 'environment' anyway?

2016 Was Third Straight Hottest Year Ever, But It’s Probably Snowing Somewhere, So No Big

Damn, those Chinese sure have been busy faking climate data.
Zits of DOOOOM!

Trump Jerk Roger Stone Was Poisoned To Death By The CIA, But He Got Better

Could it have been ... SATAN?

HHS Nominee Tom Price Will Fit Great In Trump Cabinet, Because Of How He Is Grafty

Well sure he's getting rich from being in office. Why else would anyone take such a crappy job?

Really Nice Time: Obama Commutes Chelsea Manning’s Sentence To Time Served Plus A Tiny More

President Obama issued one last burst of commutations for federal prisoners Monday, including a reduction of Chelsea Manning's sentence from 35 years to time served, plus another four months so she can get ready for life after prison. The...
Leonard Pinth-Garnell was, sadly, unavailable.

Attention All Versifiers: Wonkette Proudly Presents Your Donald Trump Inaugural Poetry Contest!

Wonkette brings you an inaugural poetry contest. First prize: A trip to Nantucket (prize may be imaginary)