ALITO SUCKS  12:05 pm June 30, 2014

Supreme Court Dicks Over Unions

by DDM

Hey, did you know that there were TWO decisions from the Supreme Bishops Court today? Before they announced that ‘Corporations are religious people, my friend,’ they announced a decision about unions. And we saw that unions were once again weakened: The Supreme Court ruled narrowly on Monday that some government employees do not have to […]

You know what’s wonderful? Living in a post-racial America, where everyone is judged based on the content of their character and not the color of their skin. For example: Tucker Carlson is a dick not because of his race, but because he is a cosmic turd wrapped in leaking anal polyps sent here to punish […]

We all know that the Republican Party consists mainly of homophobic, xenophobic, racist-to-varying-degrees, warring-on-women assholes, right? This is FACT and SCIENCE, and other things that liberals accept and Republicans deny. But just how homophobic is the GOP? So much so that the organization that tries to get more LGBT acceptance in the Republican party, GOProud, […]

Are you ready for some déjà vu? The Obama Administration is looking to implement a policy that will lead to healthier Americans. And once again, the GOP is frothing and foaming and throwing a temper-tantrum because they fucking HATE healthy (post-embryotic) Americans! And the kicker: they might just shut down the government, take their toys, […]

Leading conservative intellectual Joe the Failed Politician Not-Plumber has decided that he has not spewed forth enough frothing filth to remind us all of what a horrible shitpile he is. First, he told the parents of dead kids in Isla Vista to STFU and quit whining about their tragedy because he is a classy fellow. […]

Holy crap, 2016 fundraising is rough, especially if you are a Democrat not named Hillary Clinton. How rough? Maryland Governor Martin O’Malley spent the weekend engaging in his most aggressive push for campaign cash yet, and his office refuses to release how much he raised. What was his tactic? Maryland Gov. Martin O’Malley (D), who […]

The gaypocalypse is upon us. We have seen the signs, from judges competing to see who can write the most elegant fuck you to the religious right when legalizing gay marriage to Common Core turning all our children gay. And Washington, DC (the city and people that live here, not the asshole Congresscritters you flyover […]

President Obama can’t do anything right, especially when it comes to kids. For some reason, he will not personally fly to Nigeria to rescue kidnapped schoolgirls, probably because he is lazy. Or maybe it’s because he is pro-child sex trafficking. What, you didn’t know that Obama was totes cool with child sex trafficking? ARE YOU […]

The kids are our future, so we should treasure them and take care of each individual precious snowflake child, each of whom is a gift from God or Allah or Spirit Pasta or whatever. But you know what? Skinny snowflakes suck. Don’t you like fat, enormous snowflakes? So do Republicans, which is why they continue […]

This post made possible by the Patty Dumpling Endowment for Oil Spill Blogging and Bait Shop. Are there business courses specifically geared to teaching you to be a corporate dick? If there are, we have a candidate to teach a masters-level class, perhaps titled “Advanced Assholery and Dickishness in a Post-Modern American South.” Class, meet […]

What’s up with the GOP and substance abuse these days? First there was the “cocaine Congressman” from Florida, and then the drunk-driving Taco Bell state representative, also from Florida. Apparently Oklahoma has a big SAD about not getting enough attention, so former GOP party chief Chad Alexander played the role of spoiled child and screamed […]

You know what’s tough? Having gay marriage crammed down your throat. It’s uncomfortable if you are not used to it (just breathe through your nose). But what if there was a reacharound workaround that could un-cram that gay marriage? It would have to be completely illogical and a legal stretch, but hey, we think that […]

Let’s set the stage. You are drunk and/or high, and need a burger. You go to your local Jack in the Box. Just as you are ordering, the French fries start attacking you. Luckily, you are strapped, so you are able to defend your freedom or stand your ground and Second Amendment those fries to […]

So we all know that President B. Barry Bamz hates St. Ronald Reagan, right? It is clear, established fact that everything Nobummer does is directly related to desecrating the memory of Reagan’s lifetime of achievements. Remember when Obama was going to tear down Reagan’s childhood home using only his testicles as wrecking balls? Well apparently […]

Does your job blow? Do you ever fantasize about just kicking back and watching porn all day, but wish you could still pull down a nice six-figure salary? Yeah, us too, so click on those goddam ads swirling around, ok? (Note: do not actually click on those ads unless they are things in which you […]