You guys, there is some serious UN-AMERICAN activity happening, and we bet you don’t know about it! According to Allen West on Fox & Friends, there is a secret Muslim plot in America to… wait for it… become politically organized in order to push for policies that are more friendly towards Muslims. Now is the […]

Gather round, ye children of this fair land. It has cometh to our attention that scoundrels, muckrakers, and charlatans hath sought and attained positions within our genteel federal government. These miscreants have the audacity to make partisan public speeches – IN PUBLIC, no less. These divisive, partisan activities and vile words are not acceptable to […]

Is it 2016 yet? Have we inaugurated Hillary Clinton already? CNN BREAKING NEWS: No, it is only 2014. Yet rumors persist about who is and is not running for President to replace Our Dreamy Guiding Star of Socialist Hippie Liberalism Barack HU-SANE Obama. It looks like we may have another contender, and she is a […]

Liberals, we need to talk. On our pages, we deride Republicans for being anti-poor just because they are always trying to cut food stamps and deny people health care. But are they really that bad? Gov. Mary Fallin of Oklahoma is trying to show us that Republicans aren’t that bad. They’re worse. Per NewsOK: Cities […]

There’s rarely a chance for us to say this, so please savor the moment: We have good news out of Texas, where prosecutors dismissed a stupid case against Battleground Texas, a liberal group trying to persuade Texans to stop voting for idiots, which was brought about when known ass-clown and rightwing sockpuppet James O’Keefe lied […]

Ever had an old person walk up to you on the street and ask you a completely bizarre question, like, “Why do all the apples send moonbeams into your brain?” No? Well, doesn’t happen to us either. But at a Senate hearing yesterday, David Cohen, undersecretary of treasury for terrorism and financial intelligence, was testifying […]

Are you done yet? Did you read all eight gazillion pages of the Ryan Budget, or did you stop after the first few lines and pleasure yourself thinking about his dreamy biceps? Well, we didn’t read it all either because we were distracted by whiskey. And his biceps. But luckily other people read it and […]

We all know the rich are being attacked by TAXES. But for every problem there is a solution. Just put your faith in Jesus, and He will shield your money from the IRS, just like Linus told Charlie Brown was the true meaning of Christmas. Hell, you don’t even need to establish a brick-and-mortar church, […]

Courage of convictions. This is one of the most important courages out there, cited more often than almost any other courage. So it came as quite a pleasant surprise when World Vision, one of the largest faith-based, pro-Jesus global charities on the planet, announced that they would hire legally married gay couples. Kudos to World […]

Are you fond of traveling to exotic locations and having sexytimes with hookers? Do you drink on the job? Have you recently been to Western Europe and drunk until you passed out in a hotel? Then perhaps you should consider an exciting career protecting the President of the United States as a Secret Service agent! […]

Normally, we rely on our sister site, HappyNiceTimePeople.com, to cover people who are famous for being famous. But every now and then, some no-talent celebrity decides to wade into politics, despite a complete lack of resume and credentials, and we are forced to mock them back to the realm of do-nothingness. Giant-headed moon enthusiast Newt […]

TRIGGER WARNING: It appears that several states are following the law as laid out in the new farm bill to… wait for it… help poor people eat!!!!1!1! Oh, the humanity! Are you outraged? Are you clutching your pearls while your panties bunch themselves in a wad? We should have warned for earmuffs for all children, […]

OMG! Did you guys hear that the Internet is being given away? Quick! Download all the dirtiest porn you can, because THE INTERNET IS ABOUT TO GO AWAY FOREVER! YES, GODDAMIT, THIS DOES TOO DESERVE ALL CAPS BECAUSE THE INTERNET WORLD IS COMING TO AN END. At least, that’s what we are hearing. Are you […]

You all remember how the Republicans made a big show after Nobummer’s re-election of learning that maybe putting all their eggs in the ‘angry white man’ basket might not work in modern America? That lasted about 2.8 seconds, until Republicans started, you know, being Republican. But since the report that outlined that sincere push was […]

Crybaby car-robber firebug Darrell Issa sucks. We could really end this post right now, but you are probably wondering why we are writing again about the sucktastic exploits of the World’s Worst Arsonist-and-Car-Robber-(and Crybaby!)-Turned-Congressman. Well, here is why: House Oversight Chairman Darrell Issa (R-Calif.) blew his chance to hold former IRS official Lois Lerner in […]