DDM

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Politics is fun. Politics with dick jokes is infinitely better. I wonksplain things so people can more betterer understand policy, politics, Congress, and government in general.
Love, America

Congress Reaches New Levels of Suckitude With Funding Bill: A Wonksplainer

A few years ago, Congress got rid of earmarks because of corruption. In Jurassic Park, we learned that nature will find a way. In the same vein, our GOP overlords in Congress are teaching us that corruption will find...

How Paul Ryan Failed As House Speaker In Record Time: A Wonksplainer

Paul Ryan gained the Speaker’s Gavel after everyone and their mother determined that he was THE ONLY ONE who could save the GOP from disastrous dumbassery after Crybaby McDrunkerson decided to peace out. While Ryan demurred like a coy...
Don't tell Sarah Palin they weren't really made out of plastic.

What’s Long And Hard And Screws People Over? U.S. Refugee Policy! A Wonksplainer

Running from war and carnage, leaving everything behind, and literally fleeing for your life sounds pretty awful. But America has a long tradition of making life awfuller for refugees seeking some measure of safety and security. Break out your...

GOP Tax Plans Are Just Free Stuff For Rich People: A Wonksplainer

Are you rich and tired of all the poors getting the government handouts? Damn right you are! It’s time that this country gave something back to rich entitled asshats, and the GOP clowncar of fuckwits and addle-brained toads are...
Editrix can have Old Handsome Joe Biden, we like Sexy Obama.

How Obama Is Dividing America By Making Things Better: A Wonksplainer

President Obama continues his longstanding tradition of creating jobs to push his partisan agenda of economic recovery, while simultaneously dividing this country by making liars out of Republicans who swear he is ruining America. Candidate Obama promised to bring this country together,...
Was there any other picture we could have used?

Why Dumbass Republicans Want To Impeach IRS For Doing Nothing Wrong: A Wonksplainer

Remember how we reported that the Department of Justice determined the IRS DID NOT harass teabagging morans, despite the lies of Darrell Issa & Co? We’ve known this has been a non-scandal for YEARS (proof here and here), but...

How The Wingnut Freedom Caucus Took Congress Hostage: A Wonksplainer

Colloquially speaking, the Freedom Caucus is the spoiled asshole millennial who can’t find his dick with Lindsey Graham’s hands but is demanding the corner office straight out of college. Metaphorically speaking, it's the shit-stained pile of week-old garbage creating nothing but misery and...

What Is Washington DC? A Wonksplainer Just For You, Jeb!

For a man applying for public housing in DC for the next four to eight years, Jeb Bush sure does seem to loathe it with the passion of a thousand low-energy suns. As a privileged son-and-brother-of-a-president golden-spoon-bred asshole, he gives zero...
Just plain sad

What Does The Speaker Of The House Do, Other Than Adultery? A Wonksplainer

Republicans are avoiding the race for speaker of the House like how Rick Santorum avoids post-coital eye contact with goats. The job that is second in line for the presidency is only attracting whackjobs, arsonists, and tin foil hat-wearers....
thought i gave a shit, didn't ya?!

Why John Boehner Is A Drunken Numbnuts Coward: A Wonksplainer

John Boehner is the worst kind of weak-willed pansy-ass yellow-bellied coward in modern politics. His recent decision to resign reeks not of courage, but of the lowest, basest, cowardly lack of balls since Sir Robin ran away. The bullshit...
You need these right now

Another F*cking Government Shutdown? Seriously?

  Pope Frank was in town to basically tell Congress to get its shit together. In response, Congress is flinging poo in every direction but "together," because it is full of insolent assclowns and juvenile numbnuts. With government funding running...

Congress Sucks Harder Than Your Mom: The Debt Ceiling, Wonksplained

It’s that time of year again, kids! The leaves are turning, students are back in school, and Congress is threatening to drive our national car right over the fiscal cliff. Buckle up, because Republicans are already costing us millions...
Bloody peasant!

Hey Dumbass! Prosecution Is Not Persecution: A Wonksplainer

There’s been a lot of yammering this week about a certain Kentucky lady who has been “air quotes” “persecuted” for her beliefs that Teh Gays can suck it, and not in the Dan Savage GGG way. But while she...

Labor Day: Why You Get To Day-Drink Like A Blogger Today!

BREAKING: Labor Day was not named for women squirting fully baked fetuses out of their hoo-has because hahahaha celebrating women is a silly notion. Labor Day actually celebrates workers, as in unions, as in the people who are constantly trying to...
Congress

Congress Planning New, Exciting Ways To Screw You In The Bottom This Fall

Raise your hand if you are about to get fucked over by Congress. (Hint: All of you should have a hand raised.) Now use the other hand to pour yourself a stiff drink, because you’re gonna need it. In September,...
Perry seems to have better technique

More Than Corndog Fellatio Pics: The Iowa State Fair, Wonksplained

Every few years, we are #blessed with photos of politicians deep-throating a corndog at Iowa’s state fair. But did you know that there is more to the Iowa State Fair than hot politician-on-food pics? There's enough meat-on-sticks to make...