Cord Jefferson

11 POSTS 0 COMMENTS
Originally from Tucson, Arizona, Cord Jefferson now lives in Washington where he reports for The Root, Slate and Wonkette. He has only one kidney after donating the second to his once-ill father.

Christmastime Means a District of Drunken Cretins

One thing I noticed the other night, while watching a girl stumble out of Tom Tom and fall headfirst into a cop car, is that people in DC sure do love to get drunk! Not that residents of other...

Where Have All the Payphones Gone?

The other night I was on a very important call with my broker -- "Immediately sell all shares in Laughable Olbermann Smugness!" -- when my piece of shit cellphone died. I do not own an iPhone or a...

The Great DC Drag Queen Race

Up in New York City, the gay bars are called things like "The Cock," and the go-go boys start going full-nude at about 4 PM. In Los Angeles, all of West Hollywood is gay -- especially your favorite action...

DC Men’s Shoes For Clowns and Elves, Not Men

A very kind, smart, attractive young woman I know took grave exception with my denunciation of those medallion shoes all the District's WASPy women seem to fancy. While willing to admit that perhaps they were, indeed, crap shoes, she...

DC Burger Battle Just a Proxy War For Lawyers v. Humans

Besides Bride Wars, Junkyard Wars and Star Wars, my favorite military engagements are burger wars. Lucky for me, and unlucky for dignity, there are actual adults currently waging a burger war in the heart of Dupont Circle, a really...

DC Sloths Can’t Stop Complaining About Broken Escalators

This smarmy crybaby in pleated trousers was just bitching so loudly because the escalator at the Shaw metro stop was "broken" yesterday. He was a grown man eating a candy bar, which is against The Subway Rules in the...

Teabagger Who Warned of DC Black People Celebrates Black Kid’s Death

What do you do when a young black man you don't even know dies in a hail of gang-related gunfire? To be honest, I don't do much but briefly consider the crushing absurdity of violence before getting on with...

Shameful DC Man Joins Yuppie Cult

As long as Wonkette keeps calling people "Quiznos-stuffed slobs” and “corn-syrup-chugging Hot Pockets monsters,” I figure that it's only fair that I try not being a wheezing lard burden on society myself. Thus, I've been trying frickin' yoga, an...

DC Chicken Wing Bones Drive Capitol Hill Yuppies Nuts

Where have all the DC hoodoo men gone? Time was you could find a good hoodoo man to bless a mojo bag as easily as you could buy a mediocre sandwich covered in goat cheese at Cosi. Without these...

Glenn Beck Loonies Not Looking Forward To DC’s Black People

On the one hand, Washington is the perfect venue for this Saturday's Glenn Beck Caveman Jamboree/Eagle Cookout: Not only are there goddamn Subways everywhere -- the better to measure your salami and Ranch dressing intake in inches -- but...

Thanks For Building the Capitol, Slaves!

Did you think DC is called the "Chocolate City" because of how pretty much every family values politician/pederast coaxes his interns under his desk with melted Snickers? Well, that is one reason! Another, however, is the black people. There...