Blair Burke

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Blair Burke obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move and fashion decision for Wonkette's The FLOTUS Files feature, which appears here every Monday.

Michelle Obama Spends More Time on Television Than Actual Actors, According to Vague Statement

We have been following Michelle Obama's television escapades - most recently, an appearance on The Biggest Loser and Colbert - and we are not the only ones. Fox News would like you to know that Michelle Obama is now...

Michelle Obama Appears on ‘Biggest Loser,’ Is Now a Kardashian

Have you seen that show on the E! television network featuring a bunch of whiny girls whose names all start with the letter "K" and their father, played by a melted-down Ken doll? It is the "Keeping Up With...

Bo Obama Wears Bunny Ears Almost Long Enough to Distract From Michelle Obama’s New Hairstyle

Coming off a very sparkly appearance at Nickelodeon's Kids' Choice Awards last weekend (that's the one where they commemorate all their teevee stars who are now teen mothers and/or using heroin, and then Justin Bieber dumps lime green human...

FLOTUS Dangerously Suggests Possible Woman President in 100 Years

Our dear First Lady Michelle Obama was out gardening yesterday, because what else is new? Normally, our FLOTUS just hangs out in her vegetable garden, looking pretty and planting things basically to stick it to a nation that...

FLOTUS Visits Late Show, Things Get Real

Our beloved FLOTUS has been the subject of some "trouble" lately, but of course, that is one of the things we like about her. We also adore her style, charm, and biceps. That Michelle Obama charm was on...

Michelle Obama Brags To Child About Fancy Sweet Potato Fries

According to most people, journalism has seen better days, and as an industry/art form/whatever you want to call it, is really just sending reluctant, furloughed editors to set up subscription booths at the nearest Walgreen's and hoping for...

FLOTUS Less Popular Among White Ladies With Poor Self-Esteem

Women in this country are under a tremendous amount of pressure right now, with scaly old men going out of their way and then some to make sure there is absolutely nothing left in place to prevent their personal...

Michelle Obama Takes Millionth Vacation For Fake Holiday

Here we are again, trying to keep the rats from eating the last of our Ramen noodles while our FLOTUS wines and dines (in reasonable portions, of course) across the country. This past weekend, Michelle Obama took the First...

Michelle Obama Celebrates Fitness Campaign Success With ‘Obesity Tour’

Were you aware that we, as a nation, are currently celebrating the second anniversary of Michelle Obama's Let's Move! campaign? Probably not, because McDonald's did not advertise this on its napkins. Our FLOTUS, the arms and inspiration behind the...

Michelle Obama Does More Pushups Than TV Lady, Wingnuts Furious

For a brief moment, our First Lady Michelle Obama's appearance on the Ellen DeGeneres show was all fun and games. Our FLOTUS danced her way onto the stage in her usual style and then sat down with Ellen to...

British Tabloids Uncover Michelle Obama’s Fancy Underwear

The Europeans just cannot get enough of our First Lady Michelle Obama. She is all they have right now, with their money spinning down the toilet and Heidi Klum experiencing a divorce tragedy, etc. Last week, the French shared...

Michelle Obama’s ‘Let’s Move!’ Receives Critical Endorsement From Fat Joe

"Why hello, 2004, we had almost (thankfully) forgotten about you," was our first reaction to the news that Michelle Obama's anti-obesity campaign has a new "celebrity" champion in Joseph Antonio "Fat Joe" Cartagena, who at one point made a...

FLOTUS Celebrates Birthday, is Crowned Queen of Nickelodeon

Hooray, today is our dear FLOTUS' birthday! Hopefully you are celebrating this special day with one of those cake-flavored yogurts and a few jumping jacks. FLOTUS foes are of course marking the occasion by continuing their Occupy Denny's protest,...

New Book Reveals FLOTUS Hates Rahm Emanuel, Just Wants to Party

Hallelujah, our FLOTUS has survived yet another dreadful year in the White House. We don't really know how she does it, but then again, she looks like she has had a lot of endurance training. So, will 2012...

Michelle Obama Celebrates 2011 With One Last Fancy Clothes Scandal

The end of the year (world?) can be a good time to reflect on all of the happy times of the last 12 months, like gym sessions with Desmond Tutu, victories in world domination, and whatever is actually going...

FLOTUS Proves Commitment to Military Families By Dating Marine

When Michelle Obama is bored from exercising with toddlers all day, she takes on her second hobby: supporting The Troops. After all, that is what her recent NASCAR horror and teevee appearance were all about. We thought she was...