Blair Burke
Blair Burke obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move and fashion decision for Wonkette's The FLOTUS Files feature, which appears here every Monday.
The Europeans just cannot get enough of our First Lady Michelle Obama. She is all they have right now, with their money spinning down the toilet and Heidi Klum experiencing a divorce tragedy, etc. Last week, the French shared their opinions about Michelle Obama and her brave decision to not dress like MC Hammer. Now, [...]
“Why hello, 2004, we had almost (thankfully) forgotten about you,” was our first reaction to the news that Michelle Obama’s anti-obesity campaign has a new “celebrity” champion in Joseph Antonio “Fat Joe” Cartagena, who at one point made a lot of suburban middle school dance chaperones nervous with his funny lyrics about the act of [...]
Hooray, today is our dear FLOTUS’ birthday! Hopefully you are celebrating this special day with one of those cake-flavored yogurts and a few jumping jacks. FLOTUS foes are of course marking the occasion by continuing their Occupy Denny’s protest, which is probably the longest-running and most effective (hello, obesity!) movement of this century. Last year, [...]
The end of the year (world?) can be a good time to reflect on all of the happy times of the last 12 months, like gym sessions with Desmond Tutu, victories in world domination, and whatever is actually going on in this photo. Perhaps it is also an appropriate time to consider the past year’s [...]
“Remember all those kids doing jumping jacks at the White House in October?” wondered this story. We obviously did not, but here is a reminder: A few months ago, our FLOTUS decided to teach children the value of exercise by obtaining what is nothing short of the Holy Grail for 4th graders, a Guinness World [...]
At this point in the week, maybe you have stopped having panic dreams about Michelle Obama dougie-ing into your kitchen to kidnap your pecan pie. She has certainly moved on from our National Day of Obesity and Forgotten Genocide, and is now embracing the holidays to come with her fashion protégés/children and fancy dog. Our [...]
It wasn’t exactly clear what Michelle Obama did to get sent to what is probably the equivalent of Gitmo, for people who care about their health, but mean old Barry banished our FLOTUS to a NASCAR event on Sunday to cheer on The Troops, and by that we of course mean, “campaign for Barack Obama, [...]
Our Michelle Obama just likes to surprise us every day, mostly with bad news about how we’re all killing ourselves, eating things that are probably not classified as “food” by any branch of science. But she also likes to surprise us by showing up places where a FLOTUS would not be expected to appear, like [...]
