Author Archives: Alex Pareene

  time to die

Alex Pareene Remembers None Of His Time At Yr Wonkette

A thousand years ago, in 2006, I joined Wonkette.com as co-editor alongside David Lat. We were not very good at this job, and Lat wisely quit a few months later to go do things he actually was interested in instead. I continued on. I was ten years old and had no clue what I was doing as editor of Wonkette.com, the famous Political Gossip Website. Did it show? (Yes, it did.) Thankfully all the archives and links and images from those rotten days are broken so it’s impossible to actually find most of the inane shit I wrote. Someday every link to everything I’ve ever written will meet the same fate — fellow internet writers, I hope you’re printing your favorite work out on some heavy paper stock, because do you really think Thought Catalog Dot Com is going to keep its domain registration and hosting up-to-date and paid-for forever? Not that printing it out would have helped me make sense of a one-paragraph late-afternoon post making fun of some long-deleted Dana Milbank “web video” seven years years after its publication. Still, my beloved photo of Denny Hastert and George W. Bush in lab coats, lost in time, like tears in the rain… time to die. Read more on Alex Pareene Remembers None Of His Time At Yr Wonkette…
 

“I have never been a quitter.”

Although editing Wonkette for the last 20 months has permanently destroyed any remaining faith I might’ve had in the democratic process, and America as whole, it has also been a helluva lotta fun. And I’ll miss it! I’ve grown to hate each and every elected official in this great nation, but there’s still something slightly pleasurable in viciously attacking them. And now, as I compose my final post for Wonkette until I quit Gawker in two years and end up the editor of Jezebel for some reason until I’m fired and shipped back here because I’m otherwise unemployable and no one else on Earth is willing for work for Nick Denton anymore, I feel a little sadder than I thought I would. Also drunker. I’ve been hitting the bottle since noon! Read more on “I have never been a quitter.”…
 

Please Wash

This week, Barney Frank, Bob Allen, Ken Mehlman, Ben Stein, Maria Bartiromo and Robert Novak were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. Voyeuristic fun, as always, is after the jump. Read more on Please Wash…
 

Two Names That I Can Hardly Stand to Hear

Did you hear? It is my last day as your Wonkette editor! On Monday, I’ll sit down at the same goddamn computer and log into the same goddamn screwy blogging engine to continue to write for the same goddamn English billionaire Tory, but it will be for a site called “Gawker.com” instead. So to celebrate, I’m just gonna tell two brief stories of nutty DC types who helped make this gig miserable, in a “funny” way. Join me in saluting Karen Feld and Tucker Carlson! Read more on Two Names That I Can Hardly Stand to Hear…
 

NHFA’s Noche de Gala

newVideoPlayer("latinwonk.flv", 475, 376);We continue to celebrate our last day by presenting scenes from yet another party that we neglected to attend. This one was the National Hispanic Foundation for the Arts’ Eleventh Annual Noche de Gala Dinner, held last week at the Mayflower’s Grand Ballroom. Honored guests included, Jimmy Smits, Kenny Ortega, Ed Markey, and FCC commisioner Robert McDowell. And our own Liz Glover and Liz Gorman, who documented the whole affair for your enjoyment. Gorman’s gallery may be found here! And some of Glover’s reflections are after the jump. Noche de Gala Gallery Read more on NHFA’s Noche de Gala…
 

Rejected Posts For My Last Day at Wonkette

* The Top 10 Least Corrupt Junior Members of the 110th Congress * Revealed: The Wonkette-LNS Cross-Promotional Deal! * The Best Bars in DC For Ensuring That You Will Not Run Into a Single Person Even Vaguely Connected With Politics or Media (crossposted to Gridskipper) * You Know, That Dana Milbank is Pretty Funny! Read more on Rejected Posts For My Last Day at Wonkette…
 

Cartoon Violence Is Seeing Double

Each week, the Comics Curmudgeon helps explain Today’s Cartoons. Greetings, Wonkette readers! Welcome back to that popular and intermittently recurring Cartoon Violence feature, “This Thing Looks Just Like That Thing!” Here, we pick on poor political cartoonists who happen to produce cartoons that look almost exactly like some other cartoons, and then arbitrarily declare one to be better than the other, which is probably really unfair of us. After all, there are only so many current events, easily lampooned images, and collectively understood icons to go around, am I right? Plus cartoonists are all chained to their drafting tables by their employers and forced to churn out comic after comic (some of which on the worst of the worst, the local political scene) and so they don’t really have time to call each other up and say, “Hey, are you doing to a ‘Blackwater/Creature from the Black Lagoon’ bit? No? OK, I’ll do one, then.” Read more on Cartoon Violence Is Seeing Double…
 

The Child is Grown

* Reliable Source: Wilder Valderrama is living the American Dream… Harold Ford Jr.’s future in-laws switched parties just in time… The much e-mailed about couple Ted Turner and Elizabeth Dewberry made an appearance at Jane Goodall’s Global Leadership Awards. [WP] * Yeas and Nays: James Carville thinks its not too late for Al Gore… Bishop John Bryson Chane and Graham Nash bond over the Chane Gang… Vincente Fox talks today… Ben Affleck not running for office, stop asking… Rockettes bring some holiday cheer to Walter Reed. [Examiner] * Shenanigans: Alan Greenspan is on the record… Jenna Bush scouts out DC condos… Nixon’s favorite meatloaf will be served on Watergate china at Martin’s Tavern. [Politico] * Page Six: Chelsea Clinton’s ex Ian Klaus still friendly with Bill. [NYP] Read more on The Child is Grown…
 

John Edwards Did Not Have Sex With That Hippie

John Edwards was stupid enough to deny reports from the National Enquirer that he had an affair with that nutty hippie. Reporters asked him about it yesterday and he said it was “completely untrue” and “ridiculous.” So we’re done with the part where “real” reporters refuse to mention the story at all until its sorta “reported” in a “disreputable” tabloid (or website!) and we can move on to the nonstop meta-media “what have we become” handwringing part where we all keep hearing about this “ridiculous” story over and over again until they give John Edwards his own Nobel prize! Read more on John Edwards Did Not Have Sex With That Hippie…
 

“Of course we’re happy for Vice President Gore and the IPCC for receiving this recognition,” White House spokesman Tony Fratto said, referring to the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, which shared the award with Gore. [Reuters] Read more on …
 

Larry Craig To Make Primetime Debut

Apparently not yet ready for the “serious” questioning he’d get on a Sunday morning, Larry Craig (and his terrifying wife) will subject themselves to an awkward chat with Matt Lauer next Tuesday, after an interview on local Idaho TV. This will be his first TV appearance since his arrest for toilet cruising in a Minneapolis airport, his guilty plea, his promise to resign, his legal challenge of the guilty plea, that challenge’s dismissal, and his announcement that no, on second thought he won’t be retiring after all. No word yet on whether his sad adopted children will be joining the happy couple. Read more on Larry Craig To Make Primetime Debut…
 

Bill Clinton threw a huge book party for the first novel by Chelsea’s ex-boyfriend Ian Klaus! And Chelsea brought her new boyfriend! Awkward! Though, seriously, they’re all still friends. So adult! Anyway if you’re a struggling novelist you better try to get with John McCain’s blogger daughter ASAP. Update: Not a novel! Whoops! All truth is relative etc etc [WP] Read more on …
 

Cheney Sad!

According to what will surely be an utterly insane Fox News documentary (Dick Cheney: No Retreat is the serious, no-foolin’ name), Vice President Gargamel disagreed with Bush’s decision to remove his buddy Donald Rumsfeld as Defense Secretary. Because Don was doing such a great job with the war, and oh, also because Don is the only reason Dick has reached his current position of ridiculous power. “I wouldn’t be where I am today if it hadn’t been for what Don Rumsfeld was willing to do,” Cheney told Fox, just in case we’d all forgotten how much we hate Don Rumsfeld. But, uh, we’re kinda confused. Because didn’t Rummy voluntarily resign? Read more on Cheney Sad!…
 

After the GOP debate the other night, Post political correspondent Dan Balz admitted that he has no clue who the Prime Minister of Canada is. Come on, Dan! That’s an easy one! It’s Stephen Stills. No, wait, the other one — Neil Young. Right? [ETP] Read more on …
 

A Child Could Do It

* Heard on the Hill: No Slaughter in sight… Sen. Olympia Snowe says she’s in Vegas for business and she’s sticking to it… Sen. Chris Dodd might not be the best person to sit next to if the Sox lose. [Roll Call] * Reliable Source: Stephen Colbert doesn’t know many red districts. [WP] * Yeas and Nays: Fly Lounge is getting its own reality show… No congressional censure for Limbaugh… Jimmy Carter wouldn’t change a thing. [Examiner] * Shenanigans: Billy Crystal to be honored at the Kennedy Center tonight… The Palm is back in action. [Politico] * The Sleuth: Mitch McConnell and Harry Reid suddenly bff? [WP] * Page Six: Wonkette is far less creepy than Ruthann Aron. [NYP] Read more on A Child Could Do It…
 

Did John Edwards Sleep With This Lady?

Oh, that John Edwards sex scandal thing? It might have been planted and tended with care by the Huffington Post, sort of. Someone gave Sam Stein (former Newsweek intern-turned-HuffPo Political Journalist extraordinaire!) the story of some TOTALLY MYSTERIOUS VIDEOS that disappeared from John Edwards’ website. First it was a mere mysterious mystery — why would the Edwards’ campaign scrub all traces of these harmless, complimentary “meet the candidate” videos? Then it was a totally mysterious mystery involving a nutty, directionless hippie chick whom Edwards met in a bar. Read more on Did John Edwards Sleep With This Lady?…
 

McCain Now Ripping Off Forgotten Danny DeVito Roles

“It wasn’t government’s job to spend millions to save buggy whip factories and haberdashers when cars replaced carriages and men stopped wearing hats. And it isn’t government’s job to spend billions preserving products and services that we can’t sell anymore.” — John McCain in Michigan Read more on McCain Now Ripping Off Forgotten Danny DeVito Roles…
 

Times Are Tough For Billionaires

The poor super-rich. While America’s richest 1% still rule the country, controlling more wealth than the entire bottom 90%, it’s become much harder for them to prove how wealthy they are through ostentatious consumption. Because everyone in America owns two homes and a yacht now, haven’t you heard? George Will has, and his column — filed directly from the Bizarro Planet — urges you, the little guy, to take pity on the plutocracy. Read more on Times Are Tough For Billionaires…
 

The Turks are so angry that a House committee declared their 1915 massacre of 1.5 million Armenians a genocide, they’re going kill all the Kurds. [NYT]
 

I’ll Work All Week

* If we were in Iraq, we’d probably be pushing to go to Afghanistan too. [NYT] * Better late than never probably. [NYT] * Democrats will let the Bush spy on us so long as he says please. [WP] * We would choose a no-day work week if it was up to us, but it’s not, and do you here us bitching? [Politico] * It’s possible that Karl Rove may have done something illegal, but let’s give the guy the benefit of the doubt. [The Hill] * Mitt and Rudy play make believe. [LAT] Read more on I’ll Work All Week…
 

Pink Elephants on Parade

The RNC is trying to capitalize on that whole “pink sports apparel for ladies who pretend to like sports” thing by selling their own brand of offensively “feminized” Republican merchandise. They call it “Pink Elephants,” which manages to suggest both homosexuality and DTs-induced hallucination. Great job guys! RNC Store Read more on Pink Elephants on Parade…