Wonkette

Well this is terribly disappointing! After a veritable two weeks of post-election speculation about our future Secretary of the Treasury, with an endless parade of sexist buffoons and kindly forest-giants to choose from, Barack Obama goes for some dude named Tim Geithner who appears to be of normal stature and possessed of no serious personality defects. YAWN. MORE »

Are you ready for 2012 polls? Well, too bad. Gallup is already doing 2012 polls. Nate Silver will not even get a break to buy a baseball team or whatever. According to Gallup, of the last losers calling themselves “Republican,” 67% want Alaskan turkey Sarah Palin to run, 62% wish Mormon gay-hater Mitt Romney would have another losing campaign, and 61% hope squirrel-eating socialist and Romney-hater Mike Huckabee will have another go in 2012. MORE »

• Erstwhile athlete/web-logger Gilbert Arenas has been immortalized in wax, at a museum full of wax people. [DCist]
• If it snows on Inauguration Day, Barack Obama’s car will still get to the White House just fine, and you can still probably charge the person renting out your couch obscene amounts of money for the privilege of doing so. [WTOP]
• Mary Chapin Carpenter, a country musician who’s biggest qualification is that she apparently doesn’t even live in DC, will be the newest Washington Times columnist. [Fishbowl DC]
• Meet Dulles’ newest runway! You will probably be spending several utterly inexplicable hours sitting on it sometime this holiday season. [Washington Post]
• Here are some tips for getting Obama to hire you, as the only jobs left in America are in the White House and at the Washington Times, and one of them has just gone to Mary Chapin Carpenter. [Politico]

There is an ENTIRE WORLD you are apparently missing if you don’t sit at home all day watching the daytime teevee programs. For Example: There is a show called Ellen which consists of political personalities such as Barack Obama and Chris Matthews doing a retarded dance. Then there are commercials, probably for weight-loss schemes or super-big toilets. [YouTube]

This weird and wonderful year has been packed with implausibilities and impossibilities: the Clintons losing, a black man elected president and Peggy Noonan occassionally making sense. This week’s installment of her serialized first-person novel of Manhattan Madness, Declarations, contains two well-written arguments for the current conventional wisdom — Hillary is an interesting yet troublesome choice for Secretary of State, and Robert Gates should stay on for a while as Secretary of Defense. Which is nice and all, but it doesn’t really leave your Wonkette much to work with. Luckily, Peggy was just coming down from her Dexedrine-Percocet highball when she scrawled her first zany sentence, in Lancome mascara, on the walls of her Upper East Side apartment. MORE »

By the Comics Curmudgeon
Ahh, what’s that smell? Now that the election is over and there’s a brief respite from the never-ending stream of bullshit, we can catch a whiff of sweet romance! They don’t call the period after a new president’s election a “honeymoon” for nothing. Let’s enjoy this brief window of love-addled happiness before the hellscape re-engulfs us with these fine romantic cartoons. MORE »

YOUR EDITOR HAS TO GO TAPE A RADIO THING NOW: Wonkette’s own Sara K. Smith will be on the “Good News, Bad News, No News” segment of Weekend America tomorrow, offering her valuable opinions on the news — that is, unless she chokes on her tongue during the taping, or is unable to come up with family-friendly descriptors for Joe Lieberman. The point is, Ken will be posting “soon.” [Weekend America]

Well phew now everybody can just go back to mocking this guy for being a torture-lovin’ Bush sellout, because that scary incident where Michael Mukasey conked out in the middle of a speech did not signify a stroke or a heart attack or anything serious. He just had what a spokeswoman for the Department of Justice called “a fainting spell,” which is Republican code for “collapse due to oldness.” MORE »

Hey gays, you like Nate Silver, yes? He is a vanquisher of angry cursing wingnuts and the sexual mentor to a hot new generation of polynomials. That’s two things to like! In an interview with Queerty he talks about numbers and gay things by explaining why we should blame the passage of California’s Prop. 8 not on black people but on old people of all colors and hues. (You will all click the “MORE” button now because Nate Silver is your new Sarah Palin: sweet sexy pageview bait.) MORE »

Here is something weird, and thank you, First Read, for pointing this out recently: the press has already found out the identity of like half of the future Obama cabinet. And yet we have no idea who’s being vetted to fill one of the most important positions of all — Treasury Secretary. What is up with that HMMM? Will it be the kindly ancient giant Paul Volcker? The stouthearted Kansan Republican Sheila Bair? The repellent NAFTA whore Larry Summers? Nobody knows — or at least, nobody’s telling! Our prediction: Ron Paul, who will unleash a “money bomb” on the United States economy in February of 2009 and then sell us to the nation of Galt’s Gulch for 50 Ameros. [Washington Post]