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Pat Robertson Can’t Believe You Thought He Wanted Gays And Muslims To Kill Each Other Just Cause He Said So

Only disingenuous left-wing bloggers would ever think such a thing!

Pat Robertson Would Like To Starve All The Drug Addicts To Death, Just Like Jesus Would Have

WHOA IF TRUE, but we don't think Pat Robertson understands the Bible.

Did A Transgender Try To Watch Pat Robertson Poop?

We are very serious with the journalism question we are asking here. Pat Robertson told his "viewers" on The 700 Club that "so much" of the time, transgender people are big fakers who just want to sneak into the wrong bathrooms...

Pat Robertson Doesn’t Understand Why NFL Loves Georgia Buttsex So Much

America's senile grandpa Pat Robertson is having a confuseness in his brain. You see, Georgia Gov. Nathan Deal (The Republican) announced that he would veto HB 757, a bill to protect the "religious freedom" of dongweasel lunatic fundamentalist Christians...

Pat Robertson Can Heal You And Drive Out Demons — Even On Tape!

Superannuated Godswallop peddler Pat Robertson has some excellent news for you: He (and God of course) can heal you even if you're watching a recording of "The 700 Club" on the DVR, or even "on tape." He didn't specify...

Pat Robertson Teaches How To Hate Your Gay Kid Real Good This Thanksgiving

This post originally ran in the Olden Timey Days of just a few weeks ago, but now we think it might be a Thanksgiving tradition! Curl up in your snuggie with your first cocktail of Thanksgiving morning, and learn...
He doesn't look quite so D-U-M when he's being correct about a thing.

Pat Robertson Lets Gays Off Hook For That Whole ‘Sodom’ Thing

It's the weirdest thing on the whole planet when Pat Robertson is Right About A Thing, especially when it's about gaygendersexicans! Usually Grandpa Pat is all "Hey, you homosexuals, stop thrusting inside Pat's dusty man cave!" and "Hey, fake...
What what, in the butt.

Pat Robertson Wishes The Homosexuals Would Stop Thrusting Into Him So Hard

Pat Robertson, congratulations, for you are getting your second mention on Wonkette in one week. Your Google Alerts must be going CRAZY! Last time we visited with America's most embarrassingest grandpa, he was teaching us how to make sure...
Thinking face.

Pat Robertson Teaches How To Hate Your Gay Kid Real Good This Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is such a nice time! (Unless you hate it.) You get to see your family, or whatever family you've created for yourself, and they shove eleventy thousand pounds of food in your face and then you take a...

Pat Robertson Swears Faith Healing Works For People Who Aren’t Pat Robertson

Didn't we just discuss a GRRR MAD SO ANGRY KILL IT WITH FIRE story about parents who let their children die because they believe -- huh, wrongly, oh well -- they can pray the life-threatening illnesses away? Yup, we sure...

Get Filled Up And Gushed On By God, With Pat Robertson

Have you ever tried to love God so hard that he makes you say a bunch of crazy non-words sounds, with your tongue, but it just wouldn't work? Well, “Gary” has had that problem, so of course he turns...
Disappointed in Kim Davis's past sins obviously.

Pat Robertson Just Called Kim Davis A Whore

UH OH SHOTS FIRED! Grandpa Pat Robertson is real glad Kim Davis is standing up for Jesus Christ's true message, which is "PEEEEE-YEW! Notice how I never said Blessed Are The Icky Homos? They're the BEATITUDES, not the BE-FAG-ITUDES."...
God's financial analyst.

You’re Off The Hook, China. Pat Robertson Says Stock Markets Crashing Because Of Abortion

Just like all U.S. Americans, Pat Robertson woke up Monday morning to news that the stock market is kinda batshit right now. It's plunging! Then rallying, kind of! Then dipping again! By the time you read this, only Jesus...

BREAKING: Televangelist Scamster Pat Robertson Has Never Actually Read The Bible

Gather round, kidlets, time for another edition of What Do The Voices Say In Crazy Uncle Pat's Brain Parts? On a recent episode of Pat Robertson's Jesus Hour, a viewer named "Viewer" -- no, seriously, they didn't even bother to...
Good advice bro!

Pat Robertson Shows Grandma How To Shove Jesus Inside Her Grandkids

It's time for another episode of Pat Robertson answers an email from a viewer who probably doesn't exist! What's wrong, "Elizabeth"? Oh, you are a grandmommy, and your 6-year-old grandson hates Jesus? That sounds bad! Wait, he doesn't even...
Viewers ask the darnedest questions!

Pat Robertson Reminds God To Murder Supreme Court

It's time for another edition of viewer questions with Pat Robertson, which are sent by totally real viewers who exist, to Pat Robertson, so that his wisdom may be bestowed upon them. Whatcha curious about, "Eugene"? Oh, just how...