Search Results for “noonington”

  This is CNN being CNN

CNN Tries To Be Even More Worser By Wooing Jay Leno’s Chin To Make Bad Jokes On It

In case you’re one of those people who wonders to yourself, Gosh, how could cable “news” possibly get even more unbearably unbearable, heeeeeeeeeeeeere’s your answer: Jay Leno. CNN President Jeff Zucker said earlier this month that he wants CNN to have more of “an attitude and a take” and to have it compete not just with Fox News and MSNBC but with the Discovery and History channels. [...] Zucker appears to be makin...
  old man shakes fist at clouds

Aaron Sorkin, Media Critic

Have you ever wondered what Aaron Sorkin’s “media diet” is? No? Neither have we, but he’s going to tell us. And guess what? He does not like this newfangled media stuff on this interwebs thingy. No, he likes his news the old-fashioned way: propaganda dressed up as objective journalism by “the media elite,” printed on dead trees, and thrown at his front door every morning. Why? Because he knows it’s news...
  the projection room

Why Won’t Barack Obama Just Shut Up About This Rodeo Clown Already?

Just in case anyone’s not completely tired of the saga of Tuffy Gessling, the rodeo clown who wore a Barack Obama mask (god knows we are), the always incisive folks at WND have this temporal anomaly of a headline about Obama’s appearance on Saturday Night Live in 2007: “No way! Look who’s wearing Obama mask now[!]” The story is mostly a collection of quotes about the mask nontroversy, plus a clip of Obama appearing...
  How is Peggy Noonan making us stabby today?

Obama Must Make Sweet Love To That Racist Rodeo Clown, Peggy Noonan Mumbles Into Her Morning Pick-Me-Up

Dame Peggington Noonington — cat blogger; astute observer of the painfully obvious; and longtime sufferer of a crappy hotel room, thanks to Obama — has some more unsolicited advice for the president, which he should definitely follow if he wants to be like that great bipartisan messiah, Saint Ronald Jesus Reagan, in His name we pray. Here are today’s words-she-wishes-she-could-put-in-Reagan’s-mouth-like-the-good-old-days-...
  couldn't she just go to bronycon instead?

Peggy Noonan Is Writing About Furries Now Y’all

Dame Peggington Noonington has a sad, you guys, because she’s apparently the last person in America to hear this joke: I have a friend who once told me the difference between cats and dogs. When you get up in the morning and feed your dog he looks up at you and thinks: “She comes, finds my food and pours it for me — she must be a god.” A cat thinks: “She comes, finds my food and pours it out for me — I must be...
  peggy's world

Peggy Noonan Saw a (New) Mexican (Governor)

Greeteries, subjects. It is I, thy lord Mme. HRH Miss Peggington Noonington, queene word-smither of thine Wall Street Journal banking pamphlet, and good heavens, the thingingtons that I Hath Seen in Tampa, polis of knaves and Deville Rays. Myne dispatchery hath been postington’d on the vulgarian electrico-blogge, vulgarly titled “Peggy Noonan’s Opinion Blog,” that mine Editors hath force upponeth Mee, for the increasery o...
  worse than seeing a mexican

Jester’s Reporte: HRH ‘Patty’ Noonington Is A Communist

Good heavens! This electronick “ABCNews.com” reporte suggesteth that regent-lord HRH Peggington Noonington, chief wordsmithingtonshire of the Wall Street Journal banking pamphlet, is a Communiste, as though She keepeth court with textile-craffters or Chicagoe Africkans. Her Highness Queen Noonington also doth not beareth the street-commoner name “Patty.” Wereth that her name, She wouldst have killedington’d Herself...
  peggy's world

Peggy Noonan Hath Been Captured By Electronicks

Huff, and puff! Thine KangarooLand Fish-Serpent, the estimable Lord Mur-Doch, hath Captur’d thine regal majesty Peggington Noonington’s banking pamphlet wordsmithery behindeth a pecuniary Magneto-Sphere. Who shallst telegramme the serf-town Locksmithe? Or perhapseth these Maginot Lines art Porous-ingtonshire… [WSJ]...
  when sociopaths gather at the same table

Peggy Noonan Seeth The Divine In Scott Brown!

Children, wenches: thou canst breathe. Chief wordsmith of the Wall Street Journal banking pamphlet, the regal majestic and most comely Madame Queen Peggington Noonington, hath Christened and Blessed thine conservative dauphin, Scottington the Nude. This Nude Man. For only He, this sterling griffin of Man, possesseth the Royal Strength to constructeth thine Third Reich of Massachusetts Bay Colony Republicans. Firstington, there wereth the Whit...
  peggy's world

Peggy Noonan Takes Delightful Cab Ride Down Fifth Avenue!

Death, it has been omnipresent this annum. Most humans have expired. This datum is known by Mme. Peggington Noonington, a prosemonger famous to children, and regal oligarch wordsmith for the Wall Street Journal banking pamphlet. Peggington did not faceth the Grim Reaper this year. For someone who was born in 1820′s London, in the actual Buckingham Palace, this is rare. It is rare for a human to survive into her ninth score. We know this, w...
  peggy's world

Peggy Noonan Despises This Devil’s Medal, And Its Recipient

It is Hell-o-ween come early, children. Gather ’round, for Dame Peggington Noonington, chief word-writer for the notable Wall Street Journal banking pamphlet, hath composed a Second Weekly Article, doubleth her normal output. She worketh harder than most humans. It is her Duty and she shall performeth it, in times of national crisis, such as it was Friday. That was when disastrous monster Barack Obama accepted his Nobel Peace Prize, from t...
  peggy's world

Deleted: ‘Peggy Noonan Will Educate The Young Princes, Now’

“Royal wordsmith Peggington Noonington, a columnist famous to children, noticed through her eye-vision powers a faint speckle of Light atop her oaken chiffonier. This perturbed her, for she had been in a trance, considering Modernity. She ordered her house slave, Mister Winston, to deliver her the object aglow at once, for Inspecktion. What was this Object? What magickal powers might it possess! Manyfold powers, to be sure, for ’twas...
  peggy's world

Peggy Noonan Abhors This Tasteless Measure To Bring Health To Humans!

Today marketh the third consecutive Fri-Day in which Peggington Noonington, chief columnateur of the Wall Street Journal banking pamphlet, has graced her “Declarations” with commentary on the foremost political debate of our time: Health Care. Your Wonkette hath attempted to compose paeans to Her Majesty’s previous two edicts, but was unable to finisheth on both occasions due to Hyper-Tension. Dissecting Madame’s attitude...
  nerds

IS NORM COLEMAN DEAD YET? Surprisingly, no! He is alive! And he’s doing the most liberal thing since the French Revolution this fall: being a teaching fellow at Harvard. His course will be called, “How To Litigate A Losing Case For Months, Just For The Fuck Of It.” (This is actually the topic of every corporate law course offered at Harvard.) On a side note, one of Coleman’s fellow fellows at Harvard this fall will be Ms...
  peggy's world

Peggy Noonan Chastiseth Thine Wolf-Childe Sarah Palin!

Thursdayington, July Nintheth. Sky Princess Peggington Noonington, famous to children for her sparkling, weekly collection-of-paragraphs in the Wall Street Journal business pamphlet, looks at the Street, 100 miles beneath her Park Avenue Penthouse. She seeth seven Motorcars velocitating through an Intersection of Roads, but no Mexicans. (One time, Peggy Noonan saw a Mexican.) Seven, an odd number: it meaneth, “Tonightington, I disliketh Sa...
  not so good without yr telly prompter haw haw

Obama Omits Various Words During Press Conference

EVEN MORE: “Jackrabbit,” “dildo,” “Uzbekistan,” “Martin Luther King Jr.,” “farrier,” “Jennifer Fitzgerald,” “coconut,” “hobbit,” “goat,” “Ezekiel,” “laser blasters,” “Bob Seger,” “bulldyke,” “potato,” “constable,” “midwife,” “Oberon,” “Noo...
  peggy's world

PEGGY NOONAN TRUMPETS BAWDY CONCUPISCENCE TOWARD FELLOW LADYINGTON NANCY PELOSI: Word-writing human Peggington Noonington loveth Ronald Reagan much in today’s edition of her holy word-compilation, “Declarations.” But doth she loveth the visage of Nancington Pelosi the more? “At public events Mrs. Pelosi always tries to look engaged, a pleasant half-smile on her face. This is a courtesy women in their middle years unconsci...
  peggy's world

Let Us Honor The Troops With Peggy Noonan, A Columnist Famous To Children

While you hamburger sacks may conceive of Memorial Day as little more than a free 24-hour session of experimental masturbation R&D, it is actually a “memorial” to those Americans, throughout our History, who have laid down their lives in the service of the King. Your Wonkette would like to thank and honor The Troops past and present, in Mexico and Afghanistan, in Vietnam and VIETNAM. Because as notable American word-writer Peg...
  where are my batty pills

Peggy Noonan Wishes To Disremember Those Uncouth Torture Episodes

Oh fignewtons, someone telephone the slaves at Grey Gardens, it seems a tenant has meandered through the gate during her noontime perambulations and landed on the television set! Here is Ms. Peggy Noonington on the George Stephanopoulos program alongside George Will. George Will! He must have forwarded Peggy e-mails about this torture memo business, and again, THAT IS NOT NICE, you know how she gets. She wants to forget she ever read the wretc...
  peggy's world

Peggy Noonan Is Out Of Pills!

Thursday, early evening. She turns the key to her Dungeon of Medicines, an isolated pod floating atop the highest vistas of Park Avenue. It is constructed of the finest Metals and can only be reached by rickshaw. Even after all these years, the scent of myrrh lingers. A glass of scotch is poured and she takes to the shelves. Tonight will be a night of barbiturates. Full bottles of Amytal, Nembutal, Seconal, et. al, are downed within seconds. She...
  peggy's world

Peggy Noonan Flew On An Aer-Plane With Africkans!

A fortnight or deux hath passed since our last installment of “Fridays with Peggy,” for one must endure days of insomnia and procure a boat-ship‘s worth of les stimulati — what they in the Scientific Trade know as Amphet-a-Mines — to pen an adequate Noonington critique, and it hath taken many a seven-day to locate a sufficiently inventoried Medick. Let us not waste Reagan’s dear time today, then, to reach the...