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Is he even Catholic?

New Pope Tells Congress The State Of The Union Is Insufficiently Communist

New Pope Frank is addressing Congress, even though some of our nation's Very Serious And Good Christian Republicans have insisted New Pope is A Idiot who should keep his nose out of our American bidness, except for the part...
Is he even Catholic?

Conservatives Hate New Pope Now, For Being Dumb Commie Tree-Hugger

They really don't make popes like they used to. You know, the kind who may have sorta kinda been in the Hitler Youth -- but reluctantly! And then kinda sorta tried to cover up all that unpleasantness about Catholic...
One! More! Time!

Rick Santorum’s Tears Only Make New Pope And Nancy Pelosi Stronger

Can we establish something, dear Wonketteers? Can we all agree that the Pope really gets off on just straight-up trolling old prudes? It was just last week that Francis admitted that fracking is just the worst to the stunned silence...
Who does Pope Rabbit like for president? Warren, of course.

New Pope: You Ladies Don’t Have To Have All The Babies All The Time for Jesus

Pope Francis is doing that thing again where he halfway sounds like a liberal socialist weenie and then turns around and throws a bone to the patriarchal jerkface constituency. For instance, on his way back from the Philippines, he...
Is he even Catholic?

New Pope On Boobs: Suck Em If You Got Em

How is un-American Marxist commie is-he-even-a-real-Catholic? New Pope destroying Western civilization today? Glad you asked. He's turning the Sistine Chapel into a hotbed of boobs, which definitely violates the laws of man, nature, common decency, and some other stuff,...
Hi Kim Davis, bye Kim Davis!

New Pope Wants To Save Planet From Climate Change, Like That’s A Thing

Is there no limit to the new pope's willingness to reject right-wing ideology because it's, you know, stupid? In addition to getting his hands dirty with poor people and telling American bishops to chill the eff out on all...
What really went down

New Pope Firing All The Right People

From the Vatican, more news of Pope Francis I The Awesome: New Pope has gone and fired the head of the Swiss Guard, reportedly because he "found the commander’s manner overly strict and Teutonic.'" So we've gone from having...
Thanks for clarifying

New Pope Semi-Reverses Self, Takes Bold Stand Against War

Sometimes we like New Pope, like when he is all, "The church should stop obsessing about Bortions and The Gays, Jesus Christ!" and "Greed-is-good Reaganomics ruined everything, let's all be socialist communist takers instead" and also that time he...

Dear New Pope And/Or Penthouse Forum, I Never Thought Boning A Priest Would Happen To Me

Times are hard — rock hard, if you know what we mean — for the few remaining adherents of Holy Mother Church. And now, the institution that continues to employ pedophile protector Bernard Cardinal Law finds itself with yet another sexxxytimes...

No One Is Sure What Happened When New Pope Called This Divorced Lady

Reports are sketchy and confused, but either New Pope just tossed out centuries of dogma and tradition on divorce, or somewhere in between Argentina, Italy, England and several different publications in at least three languages, somebody or several somebodies...

New Pope Nice Time: Nifty 10-Year-Old Girl Asks For Help With Immigration Reform

Here is a New Pope story that isn't so much about New Pope as it is about the way people think of New Pope. Depending on your personal ol' softy settings, you may want to have a hanky nearby....

Barack Obama Meets New Pope, Converts Him To Islam

Did you all know Barack Obama is gallivanting around the world, telling the Hague he is going to blow up Manhattan we think (?) and then jetting off to see his fellow communist, New Pope, Francis I? Who does...

New Pope Said A Swear!

Oh, man, guys, did you hear what New Pope said? He is gonna get a ruler to the knuckles for sure: On Sunday, the pontiff accidentally said "fuck" during his weekly blessing from the Vatican. To be fair, the prayer...

New Pope Stays Awesome, Will Now Cause So Much Cardinal Fighting About Divorce

New Pope! New Pope! New Pope! New Pope! Say it loud, say it proud, we are still loving Pope Francis, and we are still totally doing our Vatican III watch. Soon we're going to set up a betting pool...

New Pope Stuffing Catholic Church Full Of Marxist Liberation-y Goodness

Welcome to Wonkette, where we are at the very tippy-top vanguard of tracking New Pope's inevitable march to Vatican III, which is going to be SO UNIRONICALLY AWESOME, you guys, for real! Pope Francis I is just going to...

Could New Pope Please Cancel This American Remake Of ‘Bling Bishop’?

Hey, remember the story about the German "Bling Bishop" who got suspended after everybody was outraged by the $55 million cost of renovating his personal residence? Right here in U.S. America, we seem to have our own version of...