Search Results for “"bryan fischer"”

  Today In Theocracy

Bryan Fischer To Save America From Satan Statues With Special Jesus Constitution

Like Gamera, Baphomet is the friend of children everywhere
...held at the Satanic Temple’s chapter in Detroit. Not surprisingly, American Family Association radio guy Bryan Fischer is plenty angry about it, and would like you all to know that if we followed the REAL Constitution of the United States, none of this would be allowed, because the Founders only meant the First Amendment to apply to Christians. Writing at Bradlee Dean’s Web Aggregation Of Stuff That’s Too Stupid For WND, Fische...
  Here let me yell at you

Boy Scouts Gay Now, Mormons’ Magic Underpanties All In A Wad

Finally legal
...t was just fine for scout leaders to be gay, despite the fact that the very thought of that makes wingnuts like Bryan Fischer quiver in their fearful loin parts about how this is going to immediately lead to a buttsex infestation in an otherwise Christian organization. Now you’d think that the organization’s decision to pat bigot Mormons and bigot Southern Baptists on their dumb fucking heads and say, “There there, don’t w...
  Goin' To The Chapel And We're Gonna Get Married Married Married

Sincerely Held Belief In Publicity Inspires Reality TV Polygamists To Apply For Marriage License

This stuff is pretty good, actually. Made in Park City, Utah.
...decision on marriage equality “is about something very different.” This is pretty much the cue for Bryan Fischer and the whole Gay Panic Lobby to insist that there’s no difference at all, and next you’ll have people marrying their pets and their cars (Yr Dok Zoom has no plans to wed Vlad the Impala, at least not until we get some bodywork done and some nice upholstery installed. In the car). For what it’s worth, act...
  Point and laugh some more

Wingnut Texas AG Has Hilarious, Beautiful Meltdown Over Gay Marriage

The schadenfreude is almost as fun as the equality.
...will and spark concern among anyone who believes in religious liberty and freedom for all. Wow, and we thought Bryan Fischer’s declaration that 6/26/15 is the new 9/11 was insane.  (It was. It was very insane.) Earth to Paxton:  The only way this ruling will affect Texas wingnuts is that it’ll make life a little more uncomfortable for the severe closet cases who scream about the gay agenda, and then go home to dutifully, occasionally...
  After we stopped crying we started giggling

Wingnuts Very Upset That Gay Jihadists Just Did 9/11 To America

HELP, JESUS!
...gay marriage down the throatholes of every God-fearing American, our first instinct (AFTER CRYING) was go check Bryan Fischer’s Twitter-Twatter page. And he had said nothing! “WAKE UP, BRYAN FISCHER!,” we said to no one in particular, but apparently we successfully summoned the demon, because HOLY SHIT Y’ALL, he is having a meltdown of the most beautiful, epic proportions. Let’s point and laugh as Bryan Fischer expla...
  They're getting Holocausted too probably

Oppressed Wingnuts: Please Stop Lynching Us With Gay Rainbow Flag!

Yeah, those are totally the same.
...he Blacks? Well fair’s fair, take down your fag flag too, because it hurts our pussy-ass FEELINGS.” Bryan Fischer will start us off, because nobody can top Bryan Fischer in the bugfuck insane department. All others who repeat his words are simply Bryan Fischer’s Big Nelly Bottoms: “If we are going to remove symbols of oppression from our culture, if we come to the point where we say any flag that represents bigotry, any fl...
  We Get Letters

Yr Wonket’s New Wingnut Admirer Wants To Put His Peen In A Liberal Lady Editor

Always nice to hear from our fans
...ery idiot we write about that we intend to write about them being idiots; for one thing, we assume Jeb Bush and Bryan Fischer would tire of the constant notifications. Just in case we didn’t click the linky in the comment, he also sent another email to Yr Editrix, to be sure she understood that he had a “tip” for her. Get it? Get it? A TIP!: Hey Rebecca, I’ve got a ‘Tip’ for you, Sweetheart !!! The tip of my Co...
  Heroism Nice Time

Two WW I Heroes Finally American Enough To Receive Medals Of Honor They Earned

Ina has what Rachel Maddow would call a Muppet Smile there
...ighest military honor while they were still alive. We’re looking forward to the inevitable complaint from Bryan Fischer that the medals were feminized or something. In his remarks at the ceremony, President Obama said: We are a nation — a people — who remember our heroes. We take seriously our responsibility to only send them when war is necessary. We strive to care for them and their families when they come home. We never forge...
  The poor dears

Caitlyn Jenner Making Wingnuts Feel Shame Tingles In Their No-No Parts

Your reaction to this picture says more about you than it says about Caitlyn Jenner.
...er meltdowns over Caitlyn Jenner’s transition. Whatcha doin’, American Family Association hate goon Bryan Fischer? Taking a bold stand for Real American Christian Pronoun Usage, is what he’s doing: “My heart, frankly, goes out to Bruce Jenner. I’m not going to call him Caitlyn Jenner because that’s not his name and I’m not going to refer to him as a she. He’s a he. He’s a he in every single so...
  Mad About A Thing

Family Values Republicans Just Fine With Gross Duggar Family Sex-Criming

Fun-employed
...ting around on gay hook-up sites; we just haven’t found them yet. And really, does anyone want to see how Bryan Fischer tries to score some hot homo lovin’? Ugh and no fucking way. Josh Duggar and his sick, corrupt, valueless family aren’t the exception. They’re the rule. And while corporate sponsors of the suspended-for-now TLC show 19 Kids And Counting, like Walgreens and Payless, have the good sense to run as far and fa...
  Like On A Trail You Know?

Boy Scouts President Says Gay Scout Leaders Just Fine, Haters Can Take A Hike

It will look just like this.
...the organization. Despite the fact that we are talking about KIDS, this did not stop religious right goons like Bryan Fischer and Kevin Swanson from making juvenile rage jokes about sodomy badges and also Boy Scouts’ firm young buttocks, because Bryan Fischer and Kevin Swanson probably need professional help. Well, it turns out that those guys’ sexiest nightmares might come true, because former Secretary of Defense Robert Gates, curre...
  low hanging fruit

Mike Huckabee: Hawking Fake Diabetes Cures Proves I’ll Be A Great President

Yours for only $19.95, bitches.
...wnHall.com, ready and willing to absorb dishonest, bigoted swill from the likes of Joseph Farah, Pam Geller and Bryan Fischer, and you’re also willing to cheer for Mike Huckabee’s fearmongering, prudish campaign platform, you are PROBABLY also a wingnut who is willing to believe that you can cure cancer with this one little trick that the “experts” won’t tell you about. Republican presidential candidates and online f...
  wingnut slapfight

Bryan Fischer Will Root All Queers Out Of Wingnut ‘News’ Websites

GRRRR HOMOS GRRRR
Bryan Fischer’s butthole is in an extra-twitchy state (not the Michelle Malkin kind of twitchy; or wait, come to think of it, yes the Malkin kind), as he is feeling BETRAYED! You see, one of the wingnut websites he likes, Townhall.com, has a known homosexual in its midst, by the name of Guy Benson, political editor. And Benson is a dirty homo, as he reveals in a new book out this week. Let your freak flag fly, Fischer: The political edito...
  we can't say we haven't been warned

Wingnut Tony Perkins: If Supreme Court Gay Marriages Us, We Might All Die

We just hope we've stockpiled enough rations!
...ng Family Research Council figuredickhead Tony Perkins’s radio show this week: CALLER: I was listening to Bryan Fischer, and there was a question about if the Supreme Court decides to go with gay marriage, which I hope they never do — but anyway, I was listening to Bryan Fischer, and to show you how far this can get out of hand, I heard Bryan speak about a woman had married a house. That’s really strange, isn’t it? PERKINS...
  hail mary

Wingnuts’ Last-Ditch Effort To Make Justices Stay Home On Gay Marriage Day Shockingly Unsuccessful

Oh now that's just tacky.
...sts left, they all talk to each other, so Lively’s pouty demands might sound familiar. In January, it was Bryan Fischer and the American Family Association, demanding that Ginsburg and Kagan take the day off from Supreme Court-ing today, and go play softball or something. Media Matters reports that the National Organization for Marriage (NOM nom nom) is also a part of this hilariously dead end “campaign” to get Supreme Court jus...
  Wonket Think Piece

Rick Perry Might Go To A Gay Wedding, But Would He F*ck A Groomsman?

Spit it out to make room for your foot, Rick Perry, or a dildo, whatever.
...tter manners and slightly better hair. On Friday, the American Family Association’s loudest hate-squealer Bryan Fischer spent time on his show advising his listeners that IF they are being pressured to go to a gay wedding, they should send the gay couple a nice letter explaining that they are bigots and that they most certainly do NOT give their blessing. Then and only then are they allowed to go, and they are most certainly not allowed to...