Search Results for “"bryan fischer"”

  It's A Series Of Rubes

Alex Jones Explains How Net Neutrality Is Hitler

Why would anyone doubt this man?
...ee trunk, and one said it was like a rope, and another, standing a few feet behind, said it was soft and mushy. Bryan Fischer thought that Net Neutrality was about requiring all ISPs to charge the same rates to all subscribers regardless of whether they have dialup or broadband (not even close). And now, perhaps feeling like others were dropping the ball when it came to stupid crazy mischaracterizations of Net Neutrality, here’s Supreme Pis...
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Day: You Lieberals And Your Stupid Fake ‘Global Warming’

My Little Pony: Friendship is a Plot by Scientists to Raise Your Taxes and Destroy Freedom
...ou guys think? Is jaichbin One Of Us, or is his interest in Schock’s possible gayness more of a kind with Bryan Fischer, the fundamentalist who just can’t stop thinking about gays doing it in the butt? Convince us that jaichbin isn’t the latter, and we might just let him join in our reindeer games. From Sammy_95, some thoughts on the great pro-life Patriot Todd Kincannon, who wants to solve the Ebola crisis by killing everyone d...
  poutine on airs

Ted Cruz Will Fix Constitution So Judges Can’t Gay Us Anymore

Even Harvard makes mistakes
...expecting waves of hysterical overreactions from wingnuts everywhere. Sure, there were a few. Gay-panic vector Bryan Fischer worked himself into his usual froth at the idea of the Court legitimizing “sodomy-based marriage.” Genocide Ben Shapiro threw a hilarious temper tantrum in the satin-lined nooks of Dead Breitbart’s Mausoleum for Cocaine-Fueled Rage Monkeys, citing 2003’s Lawrence v. Texas decision as a related case that found “anal penetra...
  Sizzling Sharia

Internet Heroes Defend Vermont’s Bacon From Evil Muslim-Vegan Assault

Meat your maker
...ir PC, and eventually the “issue” even got mentioned by the American Patriarchy Association’s Bryan Fischer, who explained that America is very definitely a Christian nation because our restaurants serve bacon: “You want one single item of proof that America is a Christian nation and not a Jewish nation and not an Islamic nation?” he asked. “One single bit of proof is all you need: we freely allow restaurants and grocery s...
  Here have some news n stuff

Wonder Woman Is Your For Real Based On A True Story Feminist Superhero

Not the REAL Wonder Woman
...d limit wasteful urban sprawl, among many other steps. Oh well. Eternally dimwitted doofus dingleberry derphead Bryan Fischer took a second out of his busy schedule of thinking about gay stuff, but in a totally heterosexual way, of course, wink wink whatever, Bryan, to think about bacon: “You want one single item of proof that America is a Christian nation and not a Jewish nation and not an Islamic nation?” he asked. “One single...
  He Keeps Saying That Word

Rick Santorum And Bryan Fischer Share Sweaty Fantasies About Banning ‘Secularism’ From Schools

The look of love / is in your eyes / The look your smile can't disguise...
...Two of America’s greatest professional Oppressed Christians, the American Patriarchy Association’s Bryan Fischer and Totally Serious Presidential Candidate Rick Santorum, came together Thursdayto bemoan the sorry state of our once great nation, etc. Fischer interviewed Santorum on the AFA’s “Focal Point” internet “radio” show (by telephone, so a critical mass of idiocy was avoided) so Santorum could flog...
  Called On The Carpet

Bryan Fischer Wishes Michelle Obama Would Do Something About All These Husky Lesbians

Bryan Fischer, his finger ever on the pulse of the American zeitgeist (assuming that the American zeitgeist is far up his own ass, which we have no reason to doubt), is not going to make fun of a National Institutes of Health-funded study that’s looking at why lesbians may be prone to obesity. He’s not even going to call it wasteful. No, instead, he’s going to suggest concrete action: He wants Michelle Obama to show that she c...
  As Ye Have Done It Unto One Of The Least Of These

Congratulations, Deport-The-Kids Patriots! Kids Returned To Honduras, Killed.

Sorry about that. America's full, you see.
...l vote Democrat, haw-haw-haw. But really, they’re their own lookout. No less an authority than Man of God Bryan Fischer has explained that God instituted borders between nations, and therefore allowing a bunch of Honduran children across ours all willy-nilly would be an offense to the Almighty. Look, just because their families don’t want them to die in a nation with the world’s highest murder rate doesn’t mean we owe them...
  Best oops yet

Rick Perry Indicted, Must Now Resign According to Rick Perry

Dear Jesus, please send a really good defense
...oyote interrupting your morning jog, what needs to be shot? Obviously, there is a compelling alternate theory that this is a partisan Demoncrat witch hunt, led by … Republicans? Okay, scratch that. Here’s a much more likely theory, courtesy of one Very Serious Legal Scholar Bryan Fischer: Yup, that’s probably it. Beware the mad-with-power open lesbians. Who knows which governor they’ll indict next? [Texas Observer]...
  he reports we snide

Sky News Reporter Gives You Plane Crash News You Can Use By Ransacking Dead Child’s Luggage

...ay, so very many people have used it as an opportunity to be terrible. See, for example, Wonkette hate favorite Bryan Fischer, who is pretty sure that it was awesome that a whole bunch of AIDS researchers were killed and also too why won’t Obama shut up about the damn gays? And let’s not even get started on every conservative explaining that Dead Ronald Reagan would have already flown to Russia and personally kissed or murdered Putin...
  so lange and thanks

Bryan Fischer Thinking Good Thoughts About AIDS Researchers Dying On Plane. No, Really. He’s Thinking ‘Good’

...8221; by saying words with his mouth about it. DAMN YOU OBAMA. Luckily, the American Family Association’s Bryan Fischer is here to pack 87 distinctly grotesque “thoughts” into just one little tweet. How did he manage to cram so much in there? We are guessing “lube and patience.” Here is Bryan Fischer. Wow, right? First, we would just like to note for the record that Joep Lange, who was on his way to the conferen...
  oh canada

Nice Time! Canadian Teen Makes Sure Students Can Learn About Slut Pills

...221; activists already and then her school would have expelled her for creating a ruckus. Then Bradlee Dean and Bryan Fischer would have collaborated on an article in which they explained that abstinence-only education isn’t just what Jesus wants, it’s what the Constitution wants, even though this particular abstinence course was hella Jesus-y. The complaint alleges that the Pregnancy Care Centre’s course used scare tactics, like misl...
  bordering on insanity

Bryan Fischer Explains: God Can’t Stand These Awful Immigrant Children

Oh, thank goodness! American Patriarchy Association radio figurehead Bryan Fischer has weighed in on the Send the Children Away Crisis, and just wants everyone to know that Jesus would want those little would-be moochers sent home pronto, and possibly for their houses to burn down, too. You see, what the stupid immigrant-coddlers don’t understand is that God made the southern border of the United States, with a little help from James K. P...
  a visit to the goon squad

Bryan Fischer Blessed My Hot Gay Marriage

..., however, take an extra day off so I could drive down to Tupelo and pay a “respectful and peaceful” visit to Bryan Fischer and the AFA. Tuesday was the first day of Mississippi’s brand-spanking-new Keep Out the Gays law, the same measure considered even too extreme for Jan Fucking Brewer to sign into law in Arizona. But our idiot governor, who is big friends with Bry-Bry, had zero problem rubbing his gubernatorial goodie bits all over the Reli...
  the most unskewed poll ever

American Family Association Presents Best Hobby Lobby Poll Ever

...winning, and there aren’t even any options that trolls can have fun with. Ripoff, man. Also, AFA’s Bryan Fischer knows exactly why the decision came down as it did, and how Terrible Barack Obama will respond to it: We almost think that super-patriot Bryan Fischer has absolutely know idea how government actually works, maybe. And of course, Erick, Son of Erick, was in an ebullient mood, and weighed in with some jolly slut-shaming,...
  what are words for?

Virginia Legislators Want ‘Redskins Pride Caucus’ Because They Are Terrible And Stupid

...ant. It’s like Rick Santorum creating the Pansy Pride Caucus, for fuck’s sake, and staffing it with Bryan Fischer and Phil Robertson. We just can’t get over the fact that this is the hill these idiot people want to die on. Like that’s what you want on your tombstone: “David Ramadan. Defended Racist Football Team Name Until His Last Breath.” Of course, given that he’s a Republican from Virginia, maybe keep...
  milk bath

American Family Association Will Not Touch Harvey Milk Stamps For Fear Of Catching Gay Cooties

The American Family Association, home of perpetual source of Wonkette material Bryan Fischer, is most put out by the United States Postal Service right now. Did the USPS fail to deliver the donations grifted out of uneducated rubes that are the AFA’s lifeblood? Did it “accidentally” deliver several dozen copies of Bear Magazine to AFA’s headquarters? What dastardly deed on the part of the post office has the AFA so perturbed? The Harvey M...
  it's called capitalism bitches

Stop Persecuting Christians By Letting Gays Shop In Your Stores!

Are you guys worried about Bryan Fischer? We’re totally worried about Bryan Fischer. There’s just so much homosexxican behavior going on right now that he and his organization of fellow incoherent rageaholics, the American Family Association, are kind of losing track of reality. The latest salvo from the AFA is aimed at businesses who aren’t willing to douse gays in lighter fluid and light them on fire, all in the name of Jes...
  lies damn lies and statistics

Bryan Fischer So Mad The NFL Won’t Tell Michael Sam He Is Going To Die Of AIDS

Bryan Fischer must be excited for his new job over at GOPUSA, where he’s clearly going to be teaching a master class in concern trolling. Yes, Bryan Fischer is very very concerned — no seriously you guys, shut up, he really is — about Michael Sam’s health, and he really feels that the NFL is letting Michael Sam down by glorifying him and drafting him instead of sitting him in a corner and just telling him over and over...
  the boors you will always have with you

Bryan Fischer Revises Christian Teaching On Wealth, Explains Poors Should ‘Kiss The Ground’ Where 1% Walk

Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” At this the man’s face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth. Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!” –Mark 10:21-23 And lo, the prophet Bryan, Fischer of Men, did speak to the peop...
  Adam and eve not adam and IBM selectric

Brian Fischer Explains Why God Made Women To Be Secretaries, Just Like In Bible Times

...res of cats). So now that we have that clear, let’s see what American Patriarchy Association spokesdouche Bryan Fischer has to say about gender discrimination? Hmmm… Looks like he’s for it. OK, that’s all. On his radio show Wednesday, Fischer was going over the arguments in the Big Slut Pills case, and he just does not buy the claim that anyone would ever use their religion as an excuse to discriminate on the basis of gend...
  theocracy for fun and prophet

Bryan Fischer Has Exciting Theory: Constitution Only Allows Laws God Would Approve Of

...eve that we have not brought you the thought-like pronouncements of the American Patriarchy Association’s Bryan Fischer since December? Too long! And it seems that Mr. Fischer has continued a little further down the tracks that he was laying last time, when he said that the First Amendment only applies to Christians, because the Constitution is a magically Christian document (and it also includes Christmas, because “any date with A.D&...