In Case You Missed it

Wonkette Week In Review: How Did You Miss These Nuggets O’ Brilliance?

Yes, yes, you were 'working'
We have come to understand that the weekend is an important time for some of you Wonkers with “jerbs” to “catch up” on the Wonkettey goodness that you may have missed during the previous week, possibly because instead of just clicking on Wonkette all day like a normal ...
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Reaches Out To ‘Bitter Clingers And Wingers’

It’s October, and in just a couple weeks, a depressingly small percentage of Americans will vote for a new Congress. Sarah Palin’s out on the campaign trail, makin’ darned sure that the whitest and rightest midterm voters pull the lever for the Republican Party’s vision ...
  Still More Lies From The Pit Of Hell

Sundays With The Christianists: How Western Culture Got All Satanic

Image dimensions: 700 X 666 -- we swear it just worked out that way
Welcome to part 2 of our exploration of Apostate: The Men Who Destroyed the Christian West, by Colorado radio preacher Kevin Swanson, whose goal in this book is to explain just how Western Civilization was destroyed by just about everything that we commonly think of as Western Civilization ...
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: An Armed Society Will Teach Black Teens Some Manners

Scootaloo thinks you should just just throw away your TV and radio and your computer and go join the Amish
It’s time for our weekly mucking-out of the ol’ comments queue — a chore that we manage to be more diligent about than we are when it comes to changing the water in our betta fish’s tank. Sorry about that, Flushy, but the slime is just a lot thicker in the comments ...
  Enjoy this perfect October drink

Make Your Own Pumpkin Spice Latte, On The Real

Made with real pumpkin
Now is the time when millennials and their mothers squee for a piping hot Pumpkin Spice Latte. What is this about? Pumpkin Spice Lattes are hot things people drink in October. It provokes ridiculous smiles and smells like pie. Millions of people have a girlish devotion for this drink, even ...
  A Fistful Of Dullards

Cliven Bundy And His One Black Friend Star In Weirdest Political Ad Of 2014 (Video)

Oh, sure, we’ve called several ads weird, or even the weirdest. We thought maybe we’d seen all the weird that could be seen when Minneapolis mayoral candidate Jeff Wagner walked out of a lake holding a coffee cup last year, but this thing we are about to unleash on you poor ...
  Now From Our Boise Bureau

Nice Time: Idaho Veterans Cemetery Will Stop Discriminating Against Dead Gay Sailors

Jean Mixner & Madelynn Taylor; Mixner died in 2012
Remember the infuriating story about Madelynn Lee Taylor, the Navy veteran who wanted to reserve a spot in the Idaho Veterans Cemetery for her ashes, to be interred with the ashes of her late wife, Jean Mixner? The two had been together since 1995, and were legally married in California in ...
  Panic! In the Editorials

America’s Editorial Writers Fear Ebola, Should Fear Plague Of Stupid

And that's just in the editorial pages.
Time now to turn to our nation’s vaunted editorial pages for the smartest, hottest takes on President Obola’s response to this deadly plague that has so far sickened exactly two of our nation’s 330 million citizens. BURN THE BODIES! STOP THE FLIGHTS! ARGLE BARGLE! Because nothing could possibly ...

Scott Brown: We Wouldn’t Have Ebola If Mitt Was President

Nope, wrong again
Roll your eyes with us, won’t you please, at the latest steaming pile of stupid from former Sen. Scott Brown (R-Whatever State Will Take Him): “Gosh can you imagine if Mitt was the president right now?” Brown said. “He was right on Russia, he was right on Obamacare, he was right on the ...
  Colbert Is The New (Rebecca) Black

Let Stephen Colbert Sing You Into Your Weekend

The only genuinely enjoyable version of this song
What a week! But at last, it is Friday. What you really need is Stephen Colbert singing, dancing, and rescuing a very bad song from its own terribleness, with the help of Jimmy Fallon and the Roots. In Colbert’s voice, rhyming “bowl” with “cere-ole” is genius. This ...
  Pregnant Is The New Black

Texas Wants In On This Pregnancy Crimes Game, Too

Invasion of the babby-snatchers
Looks like we have a trend story here! A few days ago we brought you the story of Alabama Supreme Court Judge Tom Parker, who’s working to end ‘bortion forever by building a whole bunch of cases that treat fetuses as persons — often in criminal prosecutions of pregnant women ...
  Autoclave Your Cowbell

President Doctor Ted Cruz Is The Only Cure For Ebola

He's the smart one, never forget
Remember that time Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Canada) was all, “Say health care one more time, and I will shut this government DOWN!” and also something about Green Eggs and Ham and Nazis? Nuh uh, no you do not, because Cruz would never be so reckless and irresponsible as to suggest the ...
  Bending Toward Justice

Oh How Sad, Michael Dunn Is Going To Prison For Life. Wait, Did We Say ‘Sad’?

Lucia McBath & her son, Jordan Davis (1995-20120
Michael Dunn, convicted last month for the murder of 17-year-old Jordan Davis, was sentenced today to life in prison with no chance of parole. Since prosecutors did not seek the death penalty in Dunn’s first-degree murder trial, the conviction carried a mandatory life sentence. Judge ...
  Dude Where's My Czar?

Obama To Fix All The Ebola Now

Rasputin auditions to be held next week
Take a deep breath through your respirator and relax, America! Barack Obama is going to appoint an Ebola Czar to coordinate the government’s response to the not-really-an-outbreak of Ebola in the USA. The appointee, according to CNN, will be Ron Klain, who served in the past as chief of ...
  Sins Of The Son

Old Handsome Joe Biden’s Son Hoovering Up All The Cocaine

Having the Royal Navy bring him the stuff was probably a mistake on his part
Vice President Joe Biden’s son Hunter was discharged from the Navy Reserve in February of this year after failing a drug test for cocaine, according to the Wall Street Journal. It’s a sad story, and pretty unremarkable, but thank god, the Stupidest Guest Blogger on the Internet, ...
  She makes a bag of hammers look good

Is Iowa’s Lady Wannabe Senator Joni Ernst Stupid Or Just Really Stupid?

Give her a minute she's trying to figure it out
Iowa state Sen. Joni Ernst is definitely not the brightest belle in the drawer. She’s hoping to get elected to the U.S. Senate on a platform of arresting the government for Obamacare, warning the rural folk about Agenda 21′s plot to make them ride bicycles like common Chinese, and ...
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Rachel’s Pantheon Of Heroes (Video)

maybe we do need another hero now and then
Rachel Maddow noted Thursday night, “Sometimes the news gods decide that today’s news will have a theme. And the news gods decided that for today, the theme is personal bravery.” So in two segments, she brings us stories of people who stick their necks out for the sake of ...
  onward to victory

GOP Has Binder Full Of Jews To Communicate With New Hip Kids These Days

The Republican rebranding continues to suck more than ever, but at least we can be assured of one area where the GOP is making a comeback: Communications. Specifically, in training new communications staffers for campaigns and harnessing social media to get the conservative message out directly ...
  Here have some news n stuff

This Iowa Cop Knows Everyone Who Plays Frisbee Golf Smokes Weed

they probably played disc golf
There are a lot of stereotypes about people who engage in the inhaling of recreational marijuana, and let’s face it, they’re mostly all true, aren’t they? (Not that we would know, of course. [Okay, yeah we would totally know.]) Red eyes, slower reflexes, a ravenous hunger for ...
  Both Sides Don't Actually Do it

It’s OK, America, Crossfire Can’t Hurt You Anymore. Again. (Video)

That's one way to celebrate an anniversary
Can you believe that it’s been exactly 10 years (OK, yesterday) since Jon Stewart went on CNN’s Crossfire and told Paul Begala and Tucker Carlson (who still wore a bowtie at the time) that their show was “hurting America”? “I wanted to come here today and ...
  Conduct Unbecoming To A Human Being

Alaska National Guard A Hotbed Of Rapey Recruiters Led By End-Times Porn Baron

True fact: The Anchorage Press's filename for this photo is 'assface_lawendowski.jpg'
Wonkette would like to give a hearty welcome to Lt. Col. Joseph R. Lawendowski, our daily (hourly?) “He seems nice” contestant. Lt. Col. Lawendowski is a rough tough military man and the Deputy Chief of Staff for Operations and Training of the Alaska National Guard. Please note the ...
  Get An Ugly Girl To Marry You

Jen Rubin Wants You To Get Married. Yes All Of You. Even You!

The Washington Post’s Jennifer Rubin wrote an extremely lazy column about how “Marriage = Happiness,” throwing a bunch of blockquotes together and calling it a day. Nice work if you can get it! For a column from the frequently bewildering Jennifer Rubin, it’s not even ...