From the "legitimate rape" desk

Lindsey Graham Finding It Difficult To Separate Good Girls From Lying Sluts, Would Appreciate Suggestions

and unfortunately I vote
Senator Lindsey Graham (R-please just stop) spoke Thursday at the annual March for Life Rally/Recycled Offensive Placard Emporium about the House GOP’s failure to get their act together enough to pass H.R. 36, the Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act. As you will recall, GOP ...
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Here’s Rachel Saying ‘Shtupping.’ Also, Maybe A Murder At Gitmo?

Shtup Making Sense
Rachel Maddow leads into this developing story about the firing of the head of the Navy’s base at Guantanamo Bay with a quick overview of the David Petraeus affair, noting that Petraeus lost his job as CIA director only after an investigation into what seemed an unrelated matter, and also ...
  Why Didn't He Just See 'American Sniper' With All The Other Wingnuts?

Louie Gohmert’s Movie Review: ‘Selma’ An Inspiring Reminder To Fear Muslims

Tahrir Square, 2013 (but definitely not 2011)
Texas Congressmaroon Louie Gohmert saw a movie about the Civil Rights Movement, and it so inspired him that he just had to tell the world about its inspiring message about the need to defeat Radical Islam. “I thought about the Egyptian peaceable revolution as I watched the movie ...
  I'm Not Mad Just Very Disappointed

Rick Santorum’s Tears Only Make New Pope And Nancy Pelosi Stronger

One! More! Time!
Can we establish something, dear Wonketteers? Can we all agree that the Pope really gets off on just straight-up trolling old prudes? It was just last week that Francis admitted that fracking is just the worst to the stunned silence of the pro-flaming-tap-water brigade, and it was only a few ...
  thanks obama!

Oklahoma Rep: Hope You Like Your ‘Common-Law’ Marriages, Godless Hippie Homo Folk!

If you’re like us — and we know you are because we’ve seen you in the shower — you find the ongoing right-wing freakout over gay marriage delectably amusing. Whether it’s the Florida clerks of court stopping all courthouse weddings so they wouldn’t have to pronounce Adam and Steve husband and ...
  Also 'Grapes Of Wrath' Too Dusty

Rich Texas Parents: Reading Ayn Rand In School Will Fix All The Poverty

You can't go wrong with the classics
Oh, Texas. This is so very you: A book about poverty is again being challenged in Highland Park ISD, one of the wealthiest school districts in the state. Seems that some parents are worried that The Working Poor: Invisible in America, by David K. Shipler, is too “sexually explicit” ...
  nice guns finish last

Florida Hero Chokes Out Old Black Dude For Being Completely Law-Abiding Citizen

just bearing my arms, bro
Florida’s Vigilante Justice Community is likely mourning the temporary loss of a friend this week, since he is IN JAIL for the so-called “crime” of choking out an old black dude who was legally carrying a gun. According to the Hillsborough Sheriff’s Office, 62-year-old Clarence ...
  your tax dollars at work

House Votes To Extra Super Double-Ban Taxpayer Funding For Abortion (Which Is Already Illegal)

Just lay back and think about the savings
Republicans love tradition, and that is why on Thursday, on the anniversary of Roe v. Wade (haha, take that, ladies!), the House held its traditional vote for the No Taxpayer Funding For Abortion Act, which they introduce every single congressional session, because tradition! Sure, taxpayer ...
  A Gag Order Would Be Redundant

Alan Grayson’s Bigamist Wife Has Leaking Boob Sacs, We Are Done Here

Artist's representation
Just about everything about Florida Democrat Alan Grayson’s divorce from his wife, Lolita (yes really) has been gross and vaguely horrible, like the claim that he assaulted her (or maybe he didn’t) and his contention that their marriage was invalid from the get-go because she never ...
  Connect The Dots

Doctors To Fox Host: Vaccinate Your Kids, Idiot

Srs Doctors are Srs
A panel of doctors had very little patience for a Fox News host’s “hurr-durr, LIBERTY” argument Wednesday, rejecting the notion that people should be allowed to opt out of vaccinating their kids simply because they don’t want Big Government pushing them around. On ...
  We can't even count high enough

23 Times Fox News Sh*t The Bed, You Are Welcome

So you know how Fox News, America’s No. 1 News Source for Your Racist Uncle, got into that little dustup with Le Gay Paree over, you know, how France and England had created a bunch of Muslims-only Shariah paradises where good and decent Christian folk weren’t allowed, which, well, wasn’t ...
  It must be the fever talking

Mike Huckabee: Ted Nugent’s Song About Ladies’ Vaginas Really Just About Kitty Cats

Mike Huckabee should probably stop talking now. After being universally mocked for writing in his new book that the Obamas belong in bad-parent prison for letting their daughters listen to Beyonce’s whore music — which is basically the same thing as buying them a stripper pole ...
  Revised Revisionist History

Fox Knows Who Is To Blame For Ferguson Riots (It’s Still Eric Holder Obvs)

Portrait of a man looking forward to a nice university president job
Fox News wasted no time in repackaging the news that the Justice Department is not expected to file civil rights charges against Darren Wilson in the killing of Michael Brown, according to a report in the New York Times, into an astonishingly distorted pack of lies about Ferguson. Yes, we know ...
  A Tale of Woe and Christian Oppression

Anti-Gay Man Wants Gay Dudes All Over His Cake, But Not in a Gay Way

As a mommyblog dedicated to Strong Christian Principles® and Also Booze, your Wonkette feels it is our duty to inform you that it has not been easy being a Christian in America as of late. The Homosexual Intifada bears down on the poor oppressed majority, denying Christians even the basic right ...
  But don't worry they will keep trying to ban abortion in all of the ways

House GOP Aborts Dumb Anti-Choice Bill Because Ladies Vote Too, Huh

do we need to go back to THIS?
Today is the 42nd anniversary of Roe v. Wade, which is one of those Supreme Court decisions that you totally know about! In Roe, the Court held that ladies have a constitutional right to have an abortion up until fetal viability, or roughly 24 or 25 weeks of pregnancy, so if you are a pregnant ...
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Is Obama Allowed To Be Feeling This Sassy? Pretty Much.

Rachel's happy about the big desk
For Wednesday’s Rachel Maddow Show, Rachel was still using the great big desk from Tuesday’s State of the Union coverage, and she was pretty darn happy about having an extra day with it. It’s like an extra day of politic-nerd Super Bowl. And Barack Obama is enjoying his own ...
  The Sun's Just The Right Height

Mitt Romney’s Climate Change Flip Flops Accelerating At Alarming Rate

2014 was the planet’s hottest year since our species learned how to transcribe temperatures onto paper. While much of the globe wilted like Rick Perry under stage lights (hey-o!), our Congress ho-hummed as Republicans continued to dismiss “science” as mere propaganda from ...
  This is what the Senate considers 'progress'

Senate Almost Unanimously Pretends To Believe In Climate Change

Our brave and noble Senate
Big news, everyone: The Senate did a thing! But wait, there’s even bigger news than that. The Senate did a thing on climate change. Kind of. Sort of. In a way. A symbolic non-binding basically meaningless way. But still! Are you confused? Confounded? Downright what-the-effed? Laughing so ...
  We Have Always Been At War With Climate Science

House GOP Posts SOTU Video With Climate Stuff Magically Erased

The transcript also appears to have been altered
Here’s a fun little bit of political ratfucking (not really, it’s totally an accident!): When the House Republican website posted a version of Tuesday’s State of the Union address, with Republican talking points popping up to reply to each point President Obama made, the ...
  with friends like these

WA ‘Pro-Choice Democrat’ Decides He’s Not Pro-Choice, Not A Democrat, IS A Total Jerk

Party of jerks, that's for sure
Meet Martin Moore, a nice pro-choice Democrat and member of the Federal Way City Council in Washington State. Except for how he’s not pro-choice now, and he doesn’t want to be a Democrat anymore, and oh, and he does not seem nice at all; he seems like a total 100 Percent Genuine ...
  Only Safe Town In California: Needles

Orange County High Schoolers All Have Measles Now, Thanks Anti-Vaxxers!

Surgical mask wouldn't really help. Do not get your medical advice from photoshop.
The measles outbreak that started at Disneyland in late December has been spreading; most recently, it’s hit Huntington Beach High School in Orange County, where 24 unvaccinated students have been told to stay home from school after an infected classmate exposed the school to the disease. ...
  Transphobia ain’t just for USAmericans anymore

Crazy Anonymous Flyer People: Trans-Women, Please Stop Raping All The Bathroom Ladies!

from transsexual ... indo ... nesia
Hey ladies: You use the bathroom, to tinkle, right? How would you like to be raped in the bathroom, while you are trying to tinkle? No? Well, then, according to a poster at the University of Bristol, you shouldn’t trust the trannies, for they will rape you. It’s Science! Poster found near ...