He is A Expert

Scott Brown Knows More About Lady Stuff Than Dumb Lady He’s Running Against

Scott Brown (R-Insert State Here)
Scott Brown, topless truck-driving Everyman who’s trying to unseat Democratic Sen. Jeanne Shaheen because she’s not as “virtually” from New Hampshire as he is, knows all about women. He has a wife — who is a woman! — and also too some daughters, and they are ...
  clipbait

John Oliver: America Loves Cheap And Deadly Drones Because Cheap And Deadly (Video)

Oh the hilarity!
Now that he’s done in-depth comedy reports on nuclear weapons and student debt, we’re no longer surprised when John Oliver uses deadly serious subject matter. It can only be a matter of time before he gets to Ebola at this rate. But this week, Last Week Tonight took on a different ...
  Here have some news n stuff

Chelsea Clinton Had A Baby, Whereabouts During Benghazi Unknown

Ha. Ha. Ha.
Unto the child of Billary, a child was born. And the New York Post was ON IT, as only the Post can be: Bill and Hillary Clinton welcomed a brand new Democrat into the fold on Saturday — by sharing the first pictures of their only grandchild. Chelsea Clinton gave birth Friday night to Charlotte ...
  Two Days At The Values Voter Summit

Values Voters Throw Annual Pity Party, Decide Obama is THE WORST. Again.

The Values Voter Summit happens every fall at the Omni Shoreham Hotel, the premier venue for conservative conventions in Washington, DC. (For those of you keeping score, it goes Omni, Grand Hyatt, Mayflower. We do not attend conventions at sub-Mayflower hotels.) The Omni is a sprawling mass ...
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Still Hates The GOP

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented by Fartknocker
This week’s installment of The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker is a little light on content, mostly because the Sarah Palin Channel is a little light on content — 80 percent of last week’s posts were just recycled clips from Sarah Palin’s Alaska. ...
  Enjoy this craft cocktail of charity

Celebrate St. Vincent De Paul With Some Charity And His Favorite Cocktail

Burns a little going down
It’s the feast day of St. Vincent de Paul, a French priest whose legacy of charity and education continues today. He was born into a poor family, but his parents recognized his intellectual capabilities and sold some livestock to send him the priesting school. On Sept. 27, we honor his ...
  The mansplaination of the unfairness of life

Bill O’Reilly Thinks Michelle Obama Is A Big Dumb Girl

Dumb ladies want fairness because dumb
First lady Michelle Obama sure asks a lot of dumb questions. When she addressed the United Nations Global Education First Initiative earlier this week, for example, she was all, “Do we truly value women as equals, or do we see them as merely second-class citizens?” and “Are we ...
  Eat Bray Love

Rachel Maddow Brings You A Tale Of Polish Teabaggers Vs. Amorous Donkeys

Romance, my ass
From Thursday’s Rachel Maddow Show, a story of love, loss, and redemption from Poznan, Poland. In its farm animal exhibit, the Poznan Zoo has a pair of donkeys, Napoleon and Antosia, who really like each other. They’re inseparable. So inseparable that over the 10 years the zoo has ...
  Drinks Before Dinner & Wine With Dinner & After Dinner Drinks

Come Drink With Yr Wonkette At the Seattle Drinky Thing

Derp Needle Not Included
Hope you Pacific Northwesty Wonkers have your Saturday evening clear, because the Great PNW Wonkette Drinking Tour is on its way to Seattle this weekend. Yr Editrix will be there. Yr Web maven ShyPixel will be there (just look for the orange pixel shyly sitting in the background). Yr Doktor ...
  Vote: It's Your Civic Doobie

Meet Your New Favorite Pot-Smoking Candidate For Governor Of Rhode Island

Her name is Anne Armstrong, and while she says she’s going to be the next governor of Rhode Island, we’re thinking probably not. For one, she’s a write-in candidate, so unless her name is Lisa Murkowski and she’s running as a write-in for Alaska senator, her chances of ...
  so long farewell

A Children’s Treasury Of ‘Normal Real Person’ Michele Bachmann

She's real something all right
While watching soon-to-be-former-Rep. Michele Bachmann tell the Values Voter Summit Friday morning that she is a “normal real person,” the sense of just how great a source of comedy we are losing with her upcoming retirement really hit home. Is there even a reason for Wonkette to go ...
  Freakout Level: Pants-Filling

Wingnuts Sure Oklahoma Beheading Suspect Proves Jihad Is Here

Alton Nolen, from a prior arrest
The wingnuttosphere is very excited about the implications of a terrible crime today at Vaughan Foods, a warehouse and distribution facility in Moore, Oklahoma (disgusting details follow, no way around it): Sgt. Jeremy Lewis says the alleged suspect, 30-year-old Alton Nolen had just been fired ...
  wonkette world o' books

It’s Banned Books Week. Go Read Something Subversive!

Seems fitting for weekend of the Values Voters summit...
Can you believe that Banned Books Week is almost over? But you don’t have to fear — people are always trying to ban something, somewhere, so you can still enjoy a banned book at your leisure. Here’s a shopping list from the American Library Association’s list of the ...
  Attack Of The 50-Foot Straw Man

Fox’s Gretchen Carlson Tells Protesting Colorado Punks To Love It Or Leave It

If you don't like it here, get out
Fox News lady Gretchen Carlson has just about had it with these radical extremist Denver-area high school students and their unruly protests over proposed changes to the history curriculum. The walkouts have continued all week, and have spread to additional schools. And by golly, Gretchen is ...
  Whine and Jesus Party

It’s A Good Friday For Values Voters To Feel Persecuted Again

nice ride
It’s time for all the wingnuttiest Christianist wingnuts who will never be president to gather once again in D.C. to Biblesplain how President Obama is THE WORST, liberals have killed Jesus (again!), and it’s hard out there in these American United States of Real America for an ...
  clipbait

Jon Stewart On Latte Salute Poutrage: ‘F-ck You And All Your False Patriotism’ (Video)

It's right there in Federalist #51
It is a time of war, and the executive and legislative branches aren’t playing well together. Congress itself is divided — can the president act militarily without specific congressional authorization, or must he be hamstrung by partisan squabbles? Jon Stewart addressed our current ...
  Here have some news n stuff

Of Course President Obama Is To Blame For the NFL Scandals Because Benghazi

There he is plotting the whole thing
Not sure how President Obama and Benghazi are to blame for the NFL scandals? Our sweet little sister Happy Nice Time People connects the so-simple-it-must-be-true dots for you, via Kevin Sorbo the Hercules cosplayer and “expert” on “stuff”: If you’ve been wondering what ...
  The Thin Blue Twitching Emotionally Unbalanced Line

Police Departments Trying To Kill And Beat People A Little Less, Maybe

Help! Police!
Now that Ferguson Police Chief Thomas Jackson has apologized for being worthless (but not for actively making matters worse), what are other law enforcement agencies doing to get back in the public’s good graces? Let’s start with a story we already touched on in the morning links, ...
  dancing horse race politics

Mitt Romney Totally Gonna Run Again In 2016; Wonkette Erections To Never Subside

Will we have Mitt Romney to kick around in 2016 after all? Lately the Romney camp and its allies have been floating so many trial balloons with the conservative media you could attach gondolas and sell tickets for the ride. And we’d buy those tickets, because how much fun would we have watching ...
  Sizzling Sharia

Internet Heroes Defend Vermont’s Bacon From Evil Muslim-Vegan Assault

Meat your maker
Back in August, Sneakers, a little bistro in Winooski, Vermont, put a little mock traffic sign in the flower bed in front of the restaurant: “Yield for Sneakers Bacon.” It wasn’t especially well-received by a woman who posted a message to an online community forum, saying that she was a ...
  sorry seems to be the hardest word

Ferguson Police Chief Real Sorry Or Something, So That’s All Over Now

Mistakes were made
Attention, America: All of the fuss over the shooting of Michael Brown and the Keystone Stormtroopers police response is now taken care of, because Ferguson Police Chief Thomas Jackson is real sorry that he and his police department were a bunch of useless (but murdery!) jerks, and has issued a ...