Where is harpy/constant rag/culture scold Andrea Peyser when we need her? Has she forsaken and abandoned the New York Post? Certainly, under her gimlet eye the Post could never run what at first glance...

John Boehner called Ted Cruz many mean names like "Lucifer" and "miserable son of a bitch" and "Ted Cruz." This is old news from hours ago. But now Ted Cruz has responded, and it...

Hey, here's a new and different kind of gay-hatin' law that just got signed in Tennessee! All over the country, we're getting used to laws barring transgenders from pee-pee time (for Jesus, and to protect...
What? It's a flower is all

A Michigan substitute teacher has been fired for saying the word "vagina" out loud in an art classroom while discussing the imagery of Georgia O'Keeffe's paintings of flowers, under a school policy requiring instructors...

'I think the only thing she has got going is she’s a woman,' Trump told Matt Lauer on the Today Show.

Wonkette Business

Hello citizens! It is I, Sara Benincasa, longtime Wonkette contributor and longer-time Wonkette commenter. I am here to tell you about my new book, Real Artists Have Day Jobs, which you can obtain via...

How long has it been since you examined your box? Do you like to examine it in the morning, when the sunlight hits it just right? When you examine your box, tell us, is...
Truck Fump never looked so good

Do you, like all sentient beings on the planet, have a violently strong distaste for presidential candidate Donald J. Trump (nee Drumpf)? Of course you do! Do you, like so very many others, feel the...

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Scary Monsters then, Scary Monsters now

A top fundraiser for Sen. John McCain was arrested Tuesday in a Phoenix meth lab bust -- or at least, according to the very careful phrasing in the Arizona Republic, Emily Pitha is a...

Carly Fiorina is doing that thing again, the thing that always happens when she opens her mouth. Yes, she is lying! But what things is she saying so far, now that she is Ted...

In a novel bit of legal reasoning, an Oklahoma state appeals court has decided that under Oklahoma law, oral sex with a person who's completely unconscious isn't actually a crime. They're not unsympathetic to...
Nope, can't take the Ferrari to prison with you.

Funtimes at the US Supreme Court! In hearing an appeal to former Virginia Governor and current felon Bob McDonnell's conviction for Duke Cunningham levels of bribe-taking, the court seemed to be questioning whether federal...
Dirty mouth!

John Boehner is easy, breezy, and beautiful these days, ever since he sobbed his way out of his position as speaker of the House. We can only imagine how many adult beverages he's had...

In Kurt Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse-Five, there's a lovely Kilgore Trout story-within-a-story called "The Gospel From Outer Space." An alien came to Earth, studied Christianity very carefully, and concluded that the true message of the Gospels...
Yeah, we just used this. But it fits.

Maine Gov. Paul LePage, not a man given to patience, reason, or indeed any known habits of civilized humans, abruptly stormed out of a dedication ceremony at the University of Maine at Farmington Tuesday...

Uh oh, James O'Keefe, doer of wingnut "exposés" that don't expose much of anything, besides what a dishonest fucking creep James O'Keefe is, has done another thing. He has gotten RIGHT to the heart...

Y'all, the child senator from Arkansas, Tom Cotton, is mad enough to tittyfuck a swallow right now! Surprise, it has to do with how Cotton still thinks he's the president of Obama's Iran foreign...

It's been almost a week since Prince left to go teach Heaven how to Gett Off, and we are still sad, but that doesn't mean we are not dancing! Which is good, because it's...

Ted Cruz has announced that yes indeed, he has chosen America's new mommy, and it is Carly Fiorina! As we write, he is STILL FUCKING TALKING 30 MINUTES LATER, and ... BREAKING! It seems...

Poor pitiful House Speaker Paul Ryan! He's supposed to be the sane Republican savior to herd all the feral cats together and actually get something done in Washington, but this Donald Trump man has...

Ted Cruz is making a very sexy announcement today, America! Nobody knows what it will be except all the people who say it will be Ted Cruz announcing his "running mate," who will be...
Gaul is supposed to be a big deal, but it's nothing. Very disappointing. Terrible hotels.

Now that Donald Trump has declared himself the Republican Nominee, High Pooh-Bah, and All-Father of the World (Dilute! Dilute!), it's time for him to start Acting Presidential, so he gave a Very Serious Foreign...

Trump says he hasn't quite recovered from Clinton's reaction to his accusation that she is playing the 'woman card.'
did someone need the hydrangeas watered?

We decided to watch part of Tuesday's election coverage on Fox News last night, and in the middle of all the ads for prescription pills that will give you boners and make your bowels...
Sick fuck if true

Denny Hastert, former speaker of the House and a serial child molester who for eight years was second in line to the presidency after Dick Cheney (who was already president anyway), has been sentenced...

This is what you are greeted with when you tune to this week's episode of "Jill and Jessa: Counting On": Oh good. Because if there was one thing this squashy-baby-filled show was missing, it was...

We have an important journalism update on the trollop Beyoncé, who insists on being a feminist black lady, and who we learned Monday is an "urban terrorist" and a CIA-funded brainwasher, on top of her...

There is a town called OXFORD, Alabama, and it sounds like the town council/shootin' range/squirrel recipe dispensary needs an OXFORD English Dictionary, because boy howdy, let us tell you about these dumb motherfuckers. The...