Here is an important 2014 election update brought to you by AHAHAHAHAHAHA: Michele Bachmann is trailing her Democratic challenger for her House seat by two points, according to a new survey from Public Policy Polling:
The survey…shows Democrat Jim Graves leading Bachmann, a four-term congresswoman and former GOP presidential candidate, 47 percent to 45 percent. The results are within the poll’s 4.4 percentage point margin of error.
This is a pretty humiliating thing, as a Republican, to lose your seat in Minnesota’s most conservative congressional district. Your Wonkette is going to have a drink to, uh, celebrate this thing that has not yet happened and speculate extremely prematurely on what Michele Bachmann might do with her time after her stench is ejected from the landfill known as Congress, for being too foul. Let’s have some ideas, after the jump! READ MORE »
It seems that someone in the Georgia Department of Natural Resources, which runs the state’s parks, decided that if Bibles are good enough for motel rooms, then sure, why not distribute them in the cabins in state parks, too? But then Ed Buckner, the former head of American Atheists, went camping and found a Bible in his state-owned cabin that he rented from a state agency. Because he hates America, he raised a stink about how the Constitution maybe doesn’t allow the State Of Georgia to act like Motel 6, saying that
“When you go into a state park cabin and the only piece of religious literature there is a Protestant Bible, that suggests the government’s endorsed that particular perspective.”
We do not see why he is so upset, though, because as a whole lot of Christians pointed out, when the state provided him with a Protestant Bible in a state-owned cabin, that is not really an endorsement of any particular religious views because nobody forced him to read the Bible, now did they? Needless to say, they would also not consider it a church-state issue if the cabin’s nightstand contained only a Quran instead. We’re pretty sure of that. READ MORE »
Every now and then, Democrats in Congress decide they are going to try to do something good, which will never actually happen, but it makes us feel all warm and glowy inside. Hooray Blue Team:
Democrats in the House and Senate are looking to stop what they say are deceptive advertising practices by anti-abortion health clinics that imply they offer abortion services, but instead encourage birth and promote adoption.
The legislation is aimed at crisis pregnancy centers (CPCs), which are clinics often set up by a church or other anti-abortion groups. Democrats in Congress and other pro-abortion groups say these clinics are known to indicate they can perform abortions in order to attract pregnant women patients, and then try to convince them to carry their babies to term.
The bill, Stop Deceptive Advertising for Women’s Services Act (H.R. 2030), would make it Not Okay to advertise come-to-Jesus centers as health care clinics, because they are not actually health care clinics. What a novel concept! READ MORE »
Hey, anyone remember those silly costumed role-playing Republicans who pretended they were this whole new party of teabaggers, but actually, they were just Republicans? You may vaguely recall Fox News doing non-stop coverage of four or five of them waving misspelled signs in public spaces to prove what a “huge” movement this was going to be, all these cranky old white dudes whining about how their taxes were too high because reverse racism, thanks to President Obama, who actually made their taxes lower, but hey, why split hairs? Yeah. Those guys. The ones whom establishment Republicans welcomed with open arms, only to realize that hey, those mofos be CRAZY.
Well, the tea party will NOT BE IGNORED, DAN, and they are pretty excited to report that all their worst fears have come true:
They say the IRS acknowledgement that it had targeted their groups for extra scrutiny – a claim that tea party activists had made for years – is helping pump new energy into the coalition. And they are trying to use that development, along with the ongoing controversy over the Benghazi, Libya, terrorist attacks and the Justice Department’s secret seizure of journalists’ phone records, to recruit new activists incensed about government overreach.
To the tri-corner hat wholesale outlet, boys! READ MORE »
Now that America is well on its way to being full-on gay homosexual rainbow flag-waving equality-for-all-land, what with state after state after state jumping on the marriage rights bandwagon and the Supreme Court about half a second away from being all, “Nah, dude, you totes can’t have laws that only let some people get married but not others because that is some fucked up repugnant bullshit right there,” it seems there remain a few holdouts. Like in Florida, where some asshole parents plus a jerkwad basketball coach plus the schmuck-faced school board are all so terrified of the Big Gay Menace that is an 18-year-old high school senior who is also — ooooh, scary — a lesbian:
[Kaitlyn] Hunt was a highly respected student at Florida’s Sebastian River High School with good grades and participation in cheerleading, basketball and chorus. She was even voted “most school spirit.”
Sounds terrifying so far, right? But just wait.
All of that changed when she started dating a fellow student, a girl she met on the basketball team, at the beginning of the school year.
Like what, you may ask? Like the coach kicking Kaitlyn off the team to avoid “drama.” Like Kaitlyn’s girlfriend’s not-very-nice parents sending the cops to her home on her 18th birthday to charge her with “two felony counts of lewd and lascivious battery on a child 12 – 16 years of age.” Because being gay is “lewd and lascivious” — you know, if you’re a bigot. And obviously their daughter wouldn’t be gay but for her gay girlfriend. Or something. We don’t quite understand because we are not fluent in either bigot or stupid. READ MORE »
We for one would like to know a little bit more about Arkansas Dem lady treasurer Martha Shoffner, and why she is IN JAIL! Like, the story is all “Oh the FBI says she is extortin’ the people,” but maybe it is a theft of honest services kind of extortin’? Which last we heard the Supreme Court said didn’t exist? Because if this is all their evidence, it does not seem like extortion so much as “total kickbacks.” Which, don’t get us wrong, fuck you Martha Shoffner! If you are guilty! READ MORE »
It was brought to our attention that in the course of trying to filet Peggy Noonan for being a shameless hack lacking the critical thinking skills God gave a flounder, we said Ronald Reagan was using proceeds from arms sales to Iran to fund South American death squads. Actually the money from the sales went to the contras in Nicaragua, which is in Central America. Also, death squads are generally thought of as government-backed entities, and the contras were a rebel insurgency, though they did their share of death squad-like activities (murder, rape, pillage, and more rape). Nonetheless, yr Wonkette prides itself on accuracy and thus we regret the error. READ MORE »
There’s this guy, Chris Faraone. Thinks he killed Breitbart. Ate some acid with us one time in Charlotte. Worked at the lamented Boston Phoenix, writing about hip-hop and Occupy and Breitbart and James O’Keefe and eating acid with us. He would like some money please! READ MORE »
UPDATE: We are almost certain the entire “Legal Defense Fund” website is a hoax to make Mr. M. Joseph Sheppard look bad, which is a shame. Mr. M. Joseph Sheppard will look how he will look without help from any “clever” Internet folk. We apologize for having been very stupid. SHAME ON US. SHAME. SHAAAAAAME.
For being stupid, not for being evil communists.
Consider the rest of this post no longer operative.
Well, Wonkers, we defeated one meritless lawsuit threat with the power of laughter. (At least we assume we did, since we never heard from Bradlee Dean again.) But now there is another! Our old pal M. Joseph Sheppard, to whom we tried to offer the gift of friendship, and who was so eloquently addressed here, has a new website, “M. Joseph Sheppard Legal Defense Fund – Support Me In Defending Sarah Palin And Smashing Her Enemies!” It is a website whose sole purpose is asking for money to start a “legal defense fund” to smash us! :(
Here, let us read it, together!
I am M. Joseph Sheppard, a warrior for Sarah Palin and a warrior for the Lord.
My enemies formed a firing squad and their weapons are aimed at me.
I am fighting for Sarah Palin. My blogs are “palin4president2016″ and “Recovering Liberal.”
Now I need your help. I have to take legal action against my enemies who are using libel and slander to destroy me.
The communists at Wonkette and Daily Kos have started a war. They are also at war with Sarah Palin’s son Trig. They are evil. READ MORE »
Christine Daniel is a minister and doctor (although, not, to our knowledge, a realtor, dentist, or vampire hunter) who just wanted to help the world beat cancer! She did this by going on Trinity Broadcast Network and selling a mixture of suntan oil and beef flavoring.
To people with cancer.
As a cure.
Man, she may have outgrifted the Crouches! (For the lord, of course.)
Now she is going to jail for 14 years, and having to give back $1.2 million (SADFACE!), just for murdering people! STOP INFRINGING CHRISTINE DANIEL’S RELIGIOUS FREEDOM TO KILL PEOPLE, NOBAMA!!!! READ MORE »
You know what’s compelling about creationists? They are awfully good at making incredulity seem like science: “Evolution is like believing that a tornado in a junkyard could build a 747″ and so on. Which means that we’re in for one last look at our tenth-grade science textbook, Biology for Christian Schools, by William S. “Stop Calling Me Pinkie Pie” Pinkston. Last time, we looked at the totally convincing scientific evidence for Noah’s Flood (review: God said it did), so now, let’s take a brief look at why most biologists are lying (it is because they hate God). READ MORE »
Sorry, Homosexual America, but Bryan Fischer is thinking about You People again. By golly, it’s almost as if Bryan Fischer can’t think of many things other than gay people.
This time, the mouthpiece for the American Patriarchy Association is having kittens over the possibility that the Boy Scouts of America may vote to allow sodomites to be Scouts. Never mind that the BSA already does and always has, of course; we’re talking about the really dangerous kind of sodomites, the ones who don’t quietly pretend to be straight, you know. We don’t have any particular fondness for this little paramilitary organization, which we dropped out of after being unable to say
“Webelows” “Webelos” without breaking into fits of snickering, but if gay kids want to be Scouts, we say go for it. READ MORE »
Oh, well this is … what is the opposite of fun? It is that. Let us think of some words for that: Gross. It is gross. And sad. And icky. And yuck! Oh, at first we assumed it was just some Occupy kids calling us out for our undying love of the Droner in Chief, which: fair enough! We voted for Nader (twice!), and it appeared to have some consequences to it! So now we are pretty much “DON’T CARE” if the Dems are corporatist moneyslurpers or love to bomb people from very far away, we are reasonably okay with that! But, no, “unperson192″ had more to say, in a comment that he (he, right?) typed from the ether straight to our moderation panel, and it seemed to boil down to: if we claim to love the poor, we will help get rid of blacks and Mexicans. Huh.
anti-racism, affirmative action, and the rest of the fakeleftist, social leftism regime is strongly supported by the top of society, by govt, by corporate hollywood, by the corporate media, by huge corporations, by the educational industrial complex. Strongly supported by all these rich and powerful institutions. If anyone fails to toe the PC line, they are destroyed by those in power in society. The civil rights movement itself grew out of the elites and was never supported by the white working class majority bloc.
Doesn’t that, in and of itself, tell you something?
Whose side are you on?
You are on the side of the rich and powerful. Whatever else is true, that fact is undeniable. READ MORE »
Remember that 1990s teevee show called The X Files, where that one good-looking cable soft-core star solved mysteries with that teensy skeptical ginger who always happened to look the other way when the crazy stuff happened, just like a pro-wrestling ref? And remember that man who smoked all the cigarettes and had all the big secrets and totally had the power to kill that cable soft-core star but never did because in his death that cable soft-core star would only become MORE POWERFUL and a MARTYR?
That cable soft-core star is exactly like Ghost Andrew Breitbart, who is also like Ghost Obi Wan Kenobi in that he always shows up in the minds of heroic young conservatives to tell them to turn off their targeting computers (“facts,” “science”) and just fire straight ahead hoping to score a one-in-a-million shot with their eyes closed (“BENGHAZI!”).
But even Ghost Andrew Breitbart sometimes does wrong. There’s a new documentary out, made by conservatives, that is supposed to just be about how good he was at the things he was good at: yelling, sweating, pretending videos that showed one thing actually showed something different.
But the only writer left at what used to be The Village Voice noticed something funny about the movie. (The Village Voice writer wrote in fussy second-person, pretending that *you* are Andrew Breitbart, because YOU WISH): READ MORE »