fashion tips

For The Ladies: What Not To Wear If You Don’t Want To Get Diddled By A Duggar

By now, we all know that Josh Duggar molested some of his sisters, and we also know that — because of the Duggar family’s gross, Quiverfull, patriarchal, Christian fundamentalist, Father-Knows-Best lifestyle — if you are a girl and you are molested or raped, you probably share some of the blame. Because you have the audacity to be a girl in the first place, and the fact that you even HAVE that vagina and those breasts is just a bridge too far. How can you expect menfolk to ...
  Who Will Be His Secretary of Patchouli?

Sure, Rand Paul Is Now A Tree Hugger, Why Not?

Oh, wow...his vibe is groovy for like 5 minutes, and then he's, like, a massive bummer
In yet another attempt to convince people who aren’t paying attention that he’s a totally different kind of Republican, Rand Paul has come out as a self-proclaimed “tree hugger” who thinks composting is groovy and that clean air and water are good things. These and other exciting revelations are in Paul’s exciting new book-shaped object that you couldn’t pay us enough to read, Taking a Stand: Moving Beyond Partisan Politics to Unite America, in bookstores ...
  he knows what Kids These Days are into

Gov. Scott Walker: Ultrasounds Are So Hella Cool They Should Be MANDATORY

Knows what is cool and what is not cool.
Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker does not understand why you libtards do not like the nice anti-abortion bill he signed in 2013. Recently, a federal judge smacked part of it down, saying that requiring abortion doctors to have admitting privileges at a nearby hospital is “unconstitutional,” like as if. Walker told wingnut radio host Dana Loesch he doesn’t understand why everybody isn’t excited about a different part of his totally baller law, the part that forces ladies ...
  Uh ... thanks?

Senate Republicans Have Neat New Plan To Make You Pay More For Slut Pills, You’re Welcome

They sure love us
Senate Republicans are really concerned about making sure women have greater access to birth control. No, really, it is true! (No, really, it is not.) From the same party that has tried for years to defund Planned Parenthood, ban certain types of birth control that they think murder babies (because they are idiots who don’t understand what contraception is), and protect employers’ “right” to tell you what kind of medicine you can use on your ladyparts comes the ...
  What About The Renegade Nuns On Wheels?

Outlaw Biker Gangs Enlisting Army Guys, What’s Wrong With That?

Dear Wonkette, I wish to complain that you have depicted active-duty WWII soldiers in a story on outlaw gangs...Also The Harley WLA was a bitchin' bike.
Just in case you weren’t nervous enough about the dangers of this bad old world, NBC brings us a scary story about a 2014 report by the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives on attempts by outlaw motorcycle gangs (OMGs) to recruit former and active duty members of the military into their criminal enterprises. The report, first obtained by The Intercept, warns that “The OMG community continues to spread its tentacles throughout all facets of government,” and has ...
  leave the former presidents aloooooooooone!

Mean Sen. Joni Ernst Takes Castratin’ Knife To Former Presidents’ Allowance Moneys

Oh, they look happy NOW.
Hey there, former presidents of the US and A — that would be Clinton, Carter and those two Bush brats — thanks for serving your country and all by BEING PRESIDENT OF IT, but Sen. Joni Ernst (R-Pig Spaying), and her Republican friends Marco Rubio and Mark Kirk, want to take away all the fun moneys you get for being Former Presidents. This is very mean, and you should all, in a bipartisan way, get together to tell them exactly where they ought to get fucked with whatever pig ...
  For an America that doesn't suck

Bernie Sanders Will Officially Socialize You, America, From The White House

Rejoice, Liberal-Americansians, for Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders (Socialist and proud of it!) officially declared on Tuesday that he is running to be president of U.S. America. Awwwwww yeah! And lest you think Sanders is just some silly vanity candidate — like, for example, every single Republican in the race or pretending to maybe be planning to get into the race to boost ratings or sell books — nope, he is dead serious about this, and he’s already raised millions of ...
  But who would ever be that dumb?

Look, It’s Another Republican Calling Bullsh*t On Dumb Obamacare Lawsuit

Yes America is that dumb
No one could have imagined that any state would be stupid enough or evil enough — or both! — to turn down free money to subsidize healthcare for people who need it. Literally, no one. Not even congressional Republicans who worked on the Affordable Care Act, while kicking and screaming the whole time about how it was going to murder all our freedoms and jobs and blah blah blah, whatever, turns out they were all WRONG. Because who would say, “No, I don’t want your icky ...
  Officer Entirely Too Friendly

Thanks To Pedophile Cop Pal, Sister-Touching Josh Duggar Will Never Be Prosecuted. Thanks Cop Pal!

Hotline? What hotline?
So here’s a twist on the Josh Duggar Saga of Shame and Grossness that’s just become clear: Back in 2006, when the Arkansas Department of Human Services was contacted by an anonymous tipster and the family was interviewed by law enforcement, it would have been possible to prosecute young Josh for the offenses that he’d allegedly committed against his sisters in 2002, because Arkansas has an extended statute of limitations on sex crimes against minors. There’s just one ...
  But what about the Bible story about the prodigal son?

Jim Bob Duggar: Incesters Like My Oldest Boy Should Be Put To Death

Dad's gonna KILL me when he finds out what I did LOL
HERE IS A JUICY THING. Way back in 2002, when Jim Bob Duggar was running in the Republican primary for the U.S. Senate (and losing), the part of his campaign website labeled “abortion” said that no, ladies should not be allowed to abort their rape babies, but the rapist should be killed. Oh, and also that the “heinous crime” of incest should be a capital crime as well. Look what Defamer duggared up: Funny he would say that! He was campaigning just about the same time ...
  Forgotten But Not Gone

Rightwing Troll ‘Journalist’ Chuck C. Johnson Banned From Twitter Forever, Again

Now he'll have to go back where he came from
Award-winning journalist Chuck C. Johnson has Finally Gone Too Far, No Really This Time, and has reportedly been banned for life from Twitter, and they definitely mean it this time for sure, almost certainly, maybe. Johnson got a “permanent suspension” from Twitter, unlike all his previous temporary suspensions, after asking supporters to give him money to “take out” civil rights activist DeRay McKesson, who is just one of his many, many enemies. McKesson has been ...
  everybody in this story is the villain

Guess Who’s Mixed Up In Duggar Family Sex Crimes Now? Hobby Lobby, Of Course!

Arts and crafts and cover-ups!
According to the official police report, after Josh Duggar’s parents found out he was molesting his sisters, and they spent a year doing NOTHING about it, Jim Bob Duggar sent his son for counseling with a “family friend” who was renovating a building in Little Rock, Arkansas. It turns out the program Josh went to was the Basic Life Principles Training Center, led by none other than Duggar family BFF Bill Gothard, the creepy man who, as your Wonkette reported Sunday, ...
  Make Babies Not War

VA Can’t Help Disabled Vets Make Babies Because ‘Pro-Lifers’ Hate The Troops

Danged artists taking all the fun out of everything
The Law of Unintended Consequences is doing its part to make life just a little extra bit awful for disabled vets. A Veterans Administration ban on in vitro fertility treatments (IVF) — put into place by “pro-life” lawmakers worried about the inalienable rights of frozen fertilized eggs — means that many injured Iraq and Afghanistan vets can’t become parents. This has nothing to do with the VA’s notorious backlogs; this is Congress just plain prohibiting ...
  Not so excellent news for him though

Excellent News! John McCain Might Get His Butt Kicked, By A Girl

Not a good day to be John McCain
The crusty old crankypants senior senator from Arizona — who will never give up! never surrender! never stop being SO GODDAMNED BITTER about that time he didn’t get to be president, and then that other time he didn’t get to be president — has a problem, and that problem is that nobody likes him at all. (Except for his bastard son Sen. Lindsey Graham, but he doesn’t count, because no one likes him either.) But for reals, pretty much everyone hates John McCain. ...
  conquered by the gay agenda

George W. Bush Wanted To Gay Marry Some Ladies, Because He Is A Filthy Liberal Now

He would have done the wedding but he was washing his hair.
Oh no, even former President George W. Bush has been conquered by the Gay Mafia! Way back in 2013, we reported that other former President George H.W. Bush had been an official witness for the lesbian nuptials of Bonnie Clement and Helen Thorgalsen, in Kennebunkport, Maine. At the time, we were like “Nice Time!” and also “Wow, those establishment Republicans really do not care about this issue, when they’re not having to pander to Stupids for votes.” Well NOW ...
  Careful what you wish for

Let’s Watch The GOP Cage Fight With Itself About Obamacare, Again

... for Republicans
As Senate Republicans have slowly — very slowly — begun to realize that “We’re trying to take away your healthcare, for your FREEDOM!” is not a very good campaign slogan, they’re trying to figure out how to save themselves and their jobs just in case the Supreme Court agrees with them that subsidized healthcare is ILLEGAL and grants their wish to kill that part of Obamacare, with judicial fire. That’s why Wisconsin Sen. Ron Johnson (R-Asshole) ...
  Arpaio In Your Face

Kickstarter For Joe Arpaio To Crush His Enemies Like Cockroaches They Are

Guy needs a monocle and a Persian cat
The last time we checked in on Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio, he was having a terrible horrible no-good very bad day: He was facing a contempt of court charge for ignoring federal court orders telling him to stop racial profiling, and the judge in his case wasn’t very happy with him because Arpaio had sent a private investigator after the judge’s wife. But now Sheriff Joe is fighting back! He’s sent out an email appealing for help from patriotic conservaloons all over ...
  Purity Baller

Tuesday With The Christianists: Sex Education To Keep You Purer Than Those Slutty Duggar Children

This image has not been altered in any way. Ick.
As a supplement to Yr Editrix’s Sunday column on the “counseling” recommended by the Duggar family’s homeschooling guru, we thought we’d take a look back at some other homeschooling wisdom regarding sex education for good little Christian children. Throughout all of it runs this weird notion of “purity”: sex is dirty and nasty and sinful except when it’s done by a man and a woman joined together by God, in which case it is a wonderful blessed ...
  Sweet Justice

America’s Gay-Hating Cake Bakers Would Like To Be Pen Pals With Cake Bigots In Northern Ireland

The most important sacrament is refusing to bake cakes for gays. Religion fact.
The owners of Ashers Bakery in Northern Ireland, victims of the growing international menace of gay cake-eaters, might be feeling a little discouraged this week after nearly a year of legal wrangling ended with a Belfast court fining them for the “gay cake row” they started with some innocent biblically-inspired discrimination. The story of Ashers is not only a cautionary tale cited by the homophobes in Ireland who just lost big in their bid to keep same-sex marriage off the ...
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

No Duggars Were Harmed In The Writing Of This Post. Your Weekly Top Ten.

Yep, still gross.
Happy Memorial Day, gentle readers! We usually do the sexy, exciting Top Ten Stories Of The Week post on Sundays, but it is a holiday, which means it is still the weekend, hurray! Now, usually your top ten most favoritest stories cover a range of topics, but this week, SPOILER ALERT, it’s Duggar-Thirty and you’ve got an appointment. By this point, you probably already know that Josh Duggar, adult son of Jim Bob and Michelle, has a history of kid-touching. But there were very ...
  no fighting in the war room!

We Are Now, As Ever, At War With Eastasia. Happy Memorial Day From Yr Wonkette.

Arlington National Cemetery on Memorial Day
  While the editorial “we” is house style at Wonkette, we will use the less-pretentious “I” for the duration of this post, because we can occasionally turn the snark off, we swear. Starting now. The Washington Post has pulled together a sobering chart that allows readers to determine what percentage of their lives the United States has been at war. It’s worth a look — I was born in 1983, so as long as the Global War on Terror continues for a couple more ...
  Reading Is Fundament-al

High School Teacher Canned For Teaching Allen Ginsberg’s Filthy Buttsechs Poetry

Bias Confession: I think Howl is a wee bit overrated
The children of South Windsor, Connecticut, are at long last safe from the pernicious influence of David Olio, who has been forced to resign as an English teacher at South Windsor High School after showing a video of Allen Ginsberg reading his poem “Please, Master” to his Advanced Placement English class in February. The poem, which is definitely not rated PG, apparently upset some students enough that they complained to their parents, so the school suspended and then moved to ...