Show us on the turkey where your family hurt you

Holiday Horror Stories: Tell Us Why Your Family Is THE WORST

Not intended to be a factual Thanksgiving
Are you having a nice Merry Thanksgiving? Cooking up all those delicious Thanksgiving recipe hub recipes what we made for you to make? Watching some beers, drinking some sportsball with your nearest and dearest? Maybe you are, and good for you! In which case, what are you doing here? Go away ...
  And What About All Those Red Indians?

No, Mr. Limbaugh, Thanksgiving Has Never Been A Celebration Of The Pilgrims’ Triumph Over Socialism

The Platonic Ideal Of Cheesy Thanksgiving Photos
It’s Thanksgiving Day, so as we gather together with (or hide from) our families, however functional or dysfunctional they may be, let us remember the true meaning of any American holiday: It’s an opportunity to pound home a political lesson about why We Are Good and They Are Bad. ...
  for john dillinger

A Nation Of Finks: Your William S. Burroughs Thanksgiving Prayer 2014

A holiday tradition
We began posting this Thanksgiving Prayer by William S. Burroughs and Gus Van Sant back in 2006, and a lot of things have changed since then. The deadpan list of Bloody American Triumphs sounds less like sarcasm in our Terrible Year of the Lord 2014, and more like an elegy. The stuff that drove ...
  never forget

Oh, Yes, We Have The Palin Turkey Massacre Again, Because ‘Tradition’

Feeling a bit low this Thanksgiving? A bit like something is just…missing? Could be because you have been waiting, longing, for Wonkette’s sort-of-annual Thanksgiving tradition. As a parade is to Macy’s, Sarah Palin’s interview-cum-turkey-slaughter-horror-show is to ...
  How to do holiday sexxytime

Dr. Ruth’s Thanksgiving Sex Tips, For Thanksgiving Sex

You know what goes great with Thanksgiving? Sex! Here’s our national treasure, Dr. Ruth Westheimer, with some helpful sexxytime tips for how to do Thanksgiving sex on Thanksgiving. Feel free to share your Thanksgiving sex tips for Thanksgiving sex on Thanksgiving in the comments. We ...
  also a cooking blog

Nostalgic Repost Of Repasts Past: The Jell-O Recipe That Mamie Eisenhower Used To Win The Cold War

Another Wonkette Thanksgiving Classic, for Thanksgiving. And America. Here is your bit of “DC gossip” for the day: a Jell-O dessert recipe, for the holiday of Thanksgiving! It is Mamie Eisenhower’s famed Red Scare Thanksgiving Jell-o Dessert and it is best served chilled, to ...
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Day: In Which We Hear From Some Turkeys

We elected not to use the Cosmo-Kramer-as-turkey image we first saw. You're welcome.
We really were planning to just get a couple of new posts up today and then coast on recipes while getting ready for Thanksgiving, but darned if we didn’t notice a couple of high-priority, short-shelf-life messages from idiots in the Comments queue. They simply would not wait until after ...
  thanksgiving at the corner

Let Us Now Praise Famous K-Lo Recipes: Carcass Stuffed With 10 Hamburgers

Happy Anus Burger-Turkey Day!
Important National Review Online pundit Kathryn Jean Lopez only really gets excited twice a year: When she makes up another excuse to get people to send her a bunch of porn, and when Thanksgiving comes around so she can post a Real American recipe involving ten smashed-up anus burgers stuck up ...
  never thought we'd say 'poor rush'

There Is No Escaping This Recipe From Rush Limbaugh With Jello, Stuffed Olives, And Miracle Whip In It

shouldn't inflict that on you in the morning, should we?
The Ghost of Recipes Past has scanned our archives and found this thing, which had previously run in July 2012. It is more Jell-O, for people who find Mamie Eisenhower a tad intimidating. OK, sure, we made fun of Rush Limbaugh for putting saccharine in his hot cocoa recipe and frying a chicken ...
  Ready For Another Stent On The Bench

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Kicks Her Own Heart’s Ass

For Great Justice!
Yr Wonkette sends our warmest Get Well Soon wishes to Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who underwent heart surgery Tuesday night after discovery of a blockage in a coronary artery. How badass is the 81-year-old Supreme Court Justice? The issue was discovered when she felt “some discomfort” ...
  wonkette thanksgiving classics

Making Thanksgiving ‘Monkey Bread’ With Nancy Reagan

Enjoy this Wonkette Holiday Classic recipe all over again, as though The Gipper was still wandering around somewhere. Whatever the hell “monkey bread” might be — something racist, we assume — it was the thing our favorite first lady Nancy Reagan was known to ...
  When Dunning Met Kruger

Homeschool Mom Disproves Evolution Because Science Museum Is Stupid

We know what we're talking about, right?
Meet Megan Fox, who is not the dopey actress from the Transformers movies, but is instead a dopey homeschooling mom who doesn’t believe that  organisms transform over time. She has her very own YouTube channel where she reviews children’s books and pursues a single-minded crusade ...
  beloved traditions

Put Some Food On Your Family With Aunt Wonkette’s Real Cranberry Business

The following is our annual repost of Ken Layne’s Real Cranberry Business, because when we bought this bitch we bought the archives too. One hundred and seventy two years from now, “Ken Layne” will be retelling his cranberry business recipe … from the grave! So enjoy ...
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Meet Michael Brown, Super-Predator (Video)

'Demographically inevitable'
Back in 1995, John DiIulio, a conservative political scientist, published an incredibly influential article about the coming wave of “Super Predators,” remorseless young crime machines bred of poverty, incarceration with adults, gang culture, and dysfunctional (blackblackblack) ...
  All Part Of The Job

Officer Darren Wilson Feels Fine About Killing Michael Brown Like He Was Trained To Do

Ferguson Police Officer Darren Wilson is ready to sell his story of the time he was viciously attacked, for no good reason, by teenager Michael Brown. And oh, it is such a tragic tale — for Wilson. In an interview with ABC News’s George Stephanopoulos, Wilson finally tells his side ...
  too soon?

Where Is Nixon Now That Bill Kristol Needs Him?

After hearing for years and years that President Obama and all of his faux “scandals” — IRSgate, Benghazigate, BeingBlackgate — are worse than Watergate, the Gate-iest Gate of all — this sad plea from Perpetually Wrong Bill Kristol is a heck of a thing: Discuss.
  Be inspired — on your own dime

Forget GoKickStartMe, Here Is All Millennials Need To Make Dreams Come True

Here's your goddamned inspiration
If you’re a struggling “creative” type who thinks a little charity from the interwebs is all you need to achieve success, think again. All you really need is the proper motivation. And now there’s a new tool to do just that: WorkHarder is the world’s largest non-funding ...
  That'll Learn Him

Don’t Let Obama Give State Of The Union Speech, For The Constitution

Season's beatings! (oh Drudge Report, you cards!)
As a lovely holiday gift for the president (not a Christmas gift; he doesn’t get one), the geniuses at Dead Breitbart’s Home For Creative Assholery have floated a doozy of an idea — though only time will tell whether it’s a floater or a sinker. Joel Pollak has this ...
  Shame Hasn't Worked. How About Sharing?

Let’s Put Some Food On People

Happily, such scenes are a thing of the distant past
We at your Recipe Hub are monsters who like to play in butter all day, but the payout is being able to share our meals. Few things make me happier than putting food inside of people, especially because they are hungry and even more so because they need it. With that in mind, and with ...
  justice delayed

Judicial Nice Time: Man Wrongly Convicted Of 1978 Murder Exonerated, Finally

Crimes against fashion are all he's guilty of
Here’s a nice change: A story of what happens when the court system gets it right — belatedly, yes, but on a day like this, we’re about one post away from just saying screw it and posting adorable kitten videos all day, so we’ll take what we can get. In Los Angeles, ...
  Isn't It Iconic? A Little Too Iconic.

Will Fox News Accuse Ferguson Of Doing War On Christmas?

2014 America in one photo
Just a quick question for Todd Starnes and Bill O’Reilly: Would this photo be better or worse if the sign said “Merry Christmas”? Our guess: If Fox News does mention this sign, one of the resident Professionally Oppressed Christians will argue that perhaps Ferguson brought ...
  Obama Also To Blame For Terrible Hairdo

Donald Trump So Mad Obama Ruined America For Black People

We shoulda listened to him. Again.
Donald Trump is a YOOOGE expert on many things — in fact, all the things — but one of all the things about which he knows more than anyone else is how President Obama turned our post-racial United States of Color-blind America into a cesspool of racial divide and hatred. Like most ...