Mah Raghts!

Gun Nuts Just Want Mom’s Address To Say Howdy, Probably

More evidence that open carry is in the Napoleon-in-Russia phase of its campaign for gun rights most people never asked for and don’t want: a now-deleted tweet from prominent Texas open carry nut and alleged airline pilot Eric Reed: How’s that month-old frozen horse meat tasting ...
  Difficult Listening

Victoria Jackson Proves Obama Is A Muslim Again With Catchy New Song, Again

Still making with the funny!
Wonkette frenemy Victoria Jackson asked a very important question the other day: “Is Obama a Muslim or a Jihadist?” Turns out that it was a trick question, because there’s no real difference! The only thing remarkable about the post was that she ran the collection of ...
  No Requests For 'Coal Miner's Daughter'So Far

Loretta Lynch Won’t Impeach Obama, Obviously Not Suitable Attorney General

Claims not to be Eric Holder, but has anyone asked if she's the Batman?
Wednesday was the first day of Loretta Lynch’s confirmation hearings before the Senate Judiciary Committee, and so far, it looks like Republicans may consider her too “nominated by Barack Obama” to be confirmed as attorney general. In a fairly basic bit of identity ...
  we love trans people just not this one bitch

Saks Only Wants To Discriminate Against This One Trans Person, Not All Of Them

Wonkette update! A couple weeks back, I gathered you all around to tell you the story of Leyth Jamal, a former Saks Fifth Avenue employee who is transgender, and her lawsuit against Saks Fifth Avenue for unlawful discrimination under Title VII. You see, courts, the EEOC and the Justice ...
  Justice Nice Time

South Carolina Rushes To Overturn Convictions Of Civil Rights Protesters … From 1961

The moral arc of the universe gets one right
The town of Rock Hill, South Carolina, took a step to right an injustice from the Civil Rights era, vacating the 1961 trespassing convictions of nine protesters who spent 30 days on a chain gang for attempting to sit at a whites-only lunch counter in McCrory’s Drug Store. The eight ...
  build the dang fence around congress

Republicans Suing Obama Again, This Time About The Mexicans

We just like this picture a lot
Some days we almost feel sorry for John Boehner, what with having to herd the feral cat farm that is the House Republican caucus while simultaneously convincing the Beltway’s Very Serious People that he, too, is a Very Serious Person who wants to Get Things Done and Has Ideas and Jobs, Jobs, ...
  The Long Grift

Scammy Conservative PACs Fleece Your Grandma With This One Weird Trick

Last week, Mother Jones reported that Mike Huckabee used his PAC to funnel more than $400,000 to his family. This week, Politico’s Ken Vogel gives us a story about scammy conservative PACs that make thousands of dollars from home with just one weird trick. These “scam PACs” ...
  There's gotta be a santorum joke in here somewhere

Hero Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore Will Block Gay Courthouse Door, For Freedom

Adam y Esteban
Fellow Patriots®, are you tired of the gay agenda being rammed down your throat? Are you afraid that the repeated joyous celebrations of legalized gay marriage exploding all over your face will give you gay herpes of the eye? You are not alone, and we have a hero who has returned from the ...
  Take that haters

Donald Trump: Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump. TRUMP!

He's got his eye on you now, NYP
Fact: Donald Trump gave the very bestest speech at the Iowa Freedom Summit over the weekend. How do we know that’s true? Because Donald Trump says so, duh, even though the New York Post is spreading vicious lies, which we know are vicious lies because Donald Trump said so about that too: ...
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Rachel Tests Balls In A Men’s Room, For SCIENCE! (Video)

Rachel Maddow goes all Mythbusters in this segment on the under-inflated foot-the-ball scandal, testing out the hypothesis that a New England Patriots employee may have done something nasty to the footballs in a stadium restroom. With the help of TRMS web producer Will Femia, Rachel tests ...
  Another great moment in GOP outreach

Congressmoron Louie Gohmert Quite Displeased With ‘Our Republican Females’

Texas Rep. Louie Gohmert, one of spittiest ragemonkeys the GOP has to offer, is feeling lots of upset feelings this week, and it is because House Republicans were forced to cancel a vote on their 20-week abortion ban bill that was scheduled to coincide with the anniversary of Roe v. Wade. The ...
  let them eat bootstraps

Illinois Gov. Rauner Halts ‘Non-Essential’ Spending Except For His Wife

He's just a regular super rich guy who's a total dick
Pretend Populist and Actual Uber-Wealthy Bully Bruce Rauner is your new governor, Illinois. So all you working stiffs better take notice because your days of making reasonable compensation in consideration for your labor might be numbered. After all, the state is facing a gigantic unfunded ...
  Dogs & Cats Reportedly Living Together In Open Defiance Of God

Ted Cruz’s Dad: Good Christians Must Fight Against Transgender Use Of Bathrooms, Or Else

Not that Raphael?
Ted Cruz’s wackaloon father, fundamentalist preacher Rafael Cruz, warned on Tuesday that bans on discrimination against LGBT Americans would inevitably lead to unisex locker rooms, rampant crime by sexual predators, and probably the criminalization of Christianity — the usual load ...
  Joe Arpaio Better Watch His Back

Wingnut Sheriff To Single Black Moms: Stop Making Cops Shoot Kids!

Meet your 2020 Republican primary contender, America
David Clarke is the sheriff of Milwaukee County in Wisconsin, and he has been a hero to Wingnut America ever since he ran radio ads a couple years back encouraging people to arm themselves instead of calling 911. On Tuesday, he played to his real constituency, the Fox News audience, when host ...
  He will wash your mouth out for you America

Mike Huckabee Simply Fainting At Crass Broads And Their Sweary Filthy Sh*tmouths

Effin beyotches, amirite?
Mike Huckabee, America’s favorite moral scold, is at it again. Again again. While pimping his book, he explained how it’s not just that whore Beyonce who is corrupting America’s lady-youth, but all of the potty-mouthed single ladies who work in New York, aka, Bubbleville: In ...
  We'll have what he's smoking please

Louisiana Congressman Has Reefer Sadness

Doctor. Congressman. Idiot.
Louisiana Republican Rep. John C. Fleming MD has some words of warning about the dangers of The Marijuana, for those of you who want your medical information from a guy who gets his information from The Onion: “Marijuana is a gateway drug, we have proven that scientifically,” Fleming said. “To ...
  FAA issues Flying Pigs Alert

Mormons Suddenly Okay With Some Gay Rights, Weird!

So here’s a sentence we never would have predicted we’d type: Leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints have come out (ahem!) in support of a Utah law prohibiting discrimination against LGBT people. Not surprisingly, there’s a catch — they also want to ...
  It'll be just like Robocop or Escape From New York.

Koch Brothers Pledge $889 Million To Least Losery 2016 Candidate, If Any

They just want to buy the White House is all
If President Obama’s lame-duck “don’t give a fuck” attitude has been improving your outlook on life lately, then fresh from Freedom Partners’ annual winter summit comes some news that will send you crashing right back down to Frown Town. An anonymous source who ...
  Always Support The Troops Except When You Shouldn't

Bowe Bergdahl May Be Charged With Desertion, We Should Probably Kill Him Either Way

Get ready for the shitstorm, Part Two
Get ready for some exploding conservative heads: Bowe Bergdahl, the POW returned to America last year after a swap for Taliban prisoners, will be charged with desertion for walking off his base in Afghanistan in 2009, according to unnamed defense officials who spoke to NBC: According to the ...
  vote knope

Indiana Governor To Start Very Own Pravda, Hooray!

All the cool kids in Muncie wear these
We will comment on this further as soon as we manage to pick our jaws up off the floor: Gov. Mike Pence is starting a state-run taxpayer-funded news outlet that will make pre-written news stories available to Indiana media, as well as sometimes break news about his administration, according to ...
  libertarianism now libertarianism tomorrow libertarianism forever

Ron Paul Escapes Tethers In Son’s Basement, Heads To Fun Secession Conference For Fun

You know who else served stale croissants while yammering about liberty to a crowd?
How much fun are we going to have in 2016 watching a couple of the candidates in the GOP clown car gagging their insane fathers, shoving them into canvas sacks and dumping them into the Potomac, only to have the crazy old men chew through the gags and the canvas and paddle to the surface, where ...
  Don't believe the lies -- or the snow

Rush Limbaugh: Big Government Nanny State Controlling You Through Weather Warnings

His weather is just fine, thanks
While conservatives usually love a good snowstorm because it proves global warming is a hoax and Al Gore is fat, truth-seeking climatologist Rush Limbaugh is too smart to buy into the lies of such lefty media outlets as AccuWeather and the National Weather Service. He’s heard about this ...