Idaho School District Levy Fails, So Kids Will Take P.E. Classes Online

  Michelle Obama's 'Let's Click' Campaign May Help Some
Clipart: When even modest artistic skills are well beyond your abilities
Here’s what you get when school funding meets the No Taxes Ever crowd: In the microscopic school district for the town of Lapwai, Idaho (population 1137), the voters turned down a supplemental levy last week, the second failure of a school funding levy this year. And so kids in the ...

Phyllis Schlafly Says Just Get Married, Ladies, And End Rape And Violence Forever

  Bring Back Menstrual Huts Too
Logically consistent since 1964
Veteran riot provocateur Phyllis Schlafly has a simple solution to two problems at once: If women are so all-fired worried about sexual assault and domestic violence, then they darn well better hurry up and get married instead of pursuing a career, since both rape and domestic abuse are caused ...

Mary Burke Just Might Kill Gov. Scott Walker’s Dreams of Losing GOP Presidential Primary

  2016 training wheels
o hai
Scott Walker’s job security as King of Wisconsin and Union-Buster in Chief appears increasingly precarious, even as he is road tripping to push for a promotion to that oval-shaped office in Washington. Marquette Law School just released a third consecutive poll showing the 2016 ...

John Oliver Reads YouTube Comments On John Oliver Vids, Survives (Video)

  clipbait
Can't really disagree, now that you mention it
John Oliver and his show are on vacay until next week, but he was kind enough to viral market share a few videos that they filmed before they left. And proving the old adage about mad dogs and Englishmen, Mr. Oliver paid a visit to the blazing idiocy of YouTube comments on his own videos and ...

Florida GOP Vaporizes Obamacare With Fully Operational Free Market Alternative

  Many Bocans Died For These Plans
Now, observe the power of the free market!
Florida Republicans had a great idea: Instead of expanding Medicaid under the socialist tyranny of Obamacare, they’d let the Free Market show off what it could do. So they spent $900,000 to build a website that would allow Floridians to buy private health insurance plans from ...

Rob Ford Bobbleheads, Jon Stewart Hates Himself And Other News You Can Maybe Use

  Your morning cup of wut?
Your three-day weekend is over. Back to work, everyone. Also, don’t forget to not wear white. (Because it’s after Labor Day, see? Get it? GET IT?) You know you want one: President Obama said “immigration rights.” Time’s Zeke Miller noted that during a Labor Day address ...

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Labor Day Loonies Edition

  the commentczar's in town
I am outraged by the poor quality of the .gifs on this blog!
Happy Labor Day, workers of the world! While you and your grillables marinate in anticipation of the big holiday Bar-B-Q/bonfire, we bring you these offerings from the comments queue. Just be careful not to leave them out too long — like mayonnaise, they go bad in the sun. First up, since ...

McDonnell Grift Trial, Week Five: Maureen Goes Gaga

  the beginning of the end
smilin bob
  Prosecutors and defense attorneys ended the fifth week of the federal corruption trial of Bob and Maureen McDonnell with their closing statements and, as a reward for not vomiting or bursting into tears at being reminded of it all, the long-suffering jury was given a reprieve in the form ...

It’s Labor Day (In Case You Didn’t Know) And Other News You Can Maybe Use

  Your morning cup of wut?
If it's Sunday ... it's probably still going to suck
Everyone enjoy having the day off, except for those of you who don’t have the day off. Also, enjoy some news. Now that NBC has gotten rid of that old host of “Meet the Press” — David something? Who can remember? — the whole gang is real excited about Chuck Todd. ...

At The New York Times, A Slow News Day

  Sunday Bloody New York Times Sunday
Fred Stein, 'Children reading newspaper' 1936
Things have quieted down in Ferguson and we have a holiday weekend, so the New York Times is full of analysis-type stuff today. There’s a pretty good piece on Democrats’ attempts to mobilize African-American voters who are outraged over Michael Brown’s shooting (and another ...

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Reveals The True Meaning of Labor Day

  We Watch So You Don't Have To
Or quit halfway through
When Sarah Palin announced her new online channel, Wonkette commenter Fartknocker ponied up the coin to buy us a year-long subscription, plus a couple beers for our troubles. This week’s installment of The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker, features Sarah getting ...

Wonkette Stumbles Into Molly Ivins’ Birthday Party, A Day Late And Wasted

  Dance With Them What Brung You
62 years of raising hell
We’ll get your Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday written real soon here, but first, let’s note that yesterday, August 30, would have been Molly Ivins’s 70th birthday. In our book, the only proof you need that there is no justice in the universe is the simple fact that we lost Gilda ...

Hundreds of Patriots, Cleverly Disguised As Tourists, Rally For Impeachment At White House

  Are you sure they said today?
At noon on Saturday, the Real Americans of the greater Washington, DC metropolitan area were set to celebrate National Impeach Obama Week by meeting at the White House to call for the immediate impeachment of Kenyan Usurper President Barry Soetoro. The Wonket Washington Bureau readied full team ...

Your Wonkette Week In Review: Everything You Should Have Read While You Were ‘Working’

  In Case You Missed it
Also, there are some kickass coupons for Sofas & Quills
We realize that some of you don’t spend every moment of every day clicking on our little mommyblog (what is WRONG with you?). So in our continuous quest to be Moar Servicey, we bring you this weekly roundup our very best pieces, as determined by the number of times they were shared on the ...

Mitch McConnell’s Campaign Manager Quits To Spend More Time With His (Alleged) Bribe Money

  Shell Shocker
Oh this guy, what a joker
Looks like Senate Minority Leader and Supreme Chelonian Overlord Mitch McConnell is going to have to find himself a new campaign manager after the sudden resignation of Jesse Benton, who will now have more time to hold his nose and wait for Rand Paul to snap him up for 2016. It might be a long ...

It’s A Texas Abortion Party, Who Could Ask For More?

  The Texas Choice Law Massacre
Or is this for a hysterectomy party?
Excellent news, for a while at least, maybe: A federal judge has overturned part of Texas’s terrible abortion law, House Bill 2, which means that the state’s remaining clinics can stay open. The new restrictions, which would have gone into effect Monday, required clinics performing ...

Wingnuts Pretty Sure ISIS Gonna Storm Texas Any Minute Now

  The Texas Choice Law Massacre
And when little Alejandro took off his mask...
The WingnuttoSphere is buzzing today with news that ISIS is planning an “imminent attack” at the U.S-Mexico border any day now!!!Exclamationpoint!! The alleged intelligence report comes from rightwing bullshit spigot “Judicial Watch”, which claims: Islamic terrorist ...

Clip And Save: Your Patriot Bingo Card!

  bring the family
  ATTENTION, LOVERS OF FREEDOM! We assume we’ll be seeing all of you Real Americans Saturday at noon. What’s that? You have plans to spend your Labor Day weekend eating warm potato salad by the lake, maybe burning some lawn clippings in defiance of local ordinances? To that we ...

Peggy Noonan Goes To Wyoming, Says Words At It

  a city girl goes to the country
Tenderfoot is a city girl, used to canyons of high-rise buildings, not canyons of rock and dirt and running rivers that do not smell like a giant Superfund site. But she is happy to escape the city in August, that dull month when the garbage piles are as high as an elephant’s eye and the heat ...

New Crime To Worry About: Sitting While Black

  Stop Resisting! Stop Resisting!
Even the three-fingered cops of the future are terrifying
In yet another completely isolated incident that has nothing to do with race, another black man has released a video of police going to town on him for being an uncooperative ne’er do well. In this case, the unruly offender is Christopher Lollie of St. Paul, Minnesota, who on Jan. 31 of ...

Florida Man Reports Child’s Lemonade Stand To Authorities. You’ll Never Guess What Happened Next!

  nice time!
Today’s lesson in not being a curmudgeonly dickhead comes to us courtesy of Dunedin, Florida, where 12-year-old T.J. Guerrero, an enterprising lad who runs his own lemonade stand, has won a victory over the forces of darkness that hoped to teach him a lesson about the over-regulated nanny state ...

Kirk Cameron’s War On Christmas Gets Earlier And Earlier Every Year

  Figgy Pudding In August
And keep Sol in Sol Invictus!
Just as America’s scruffy secularists had Christmas tied to the railroad tracks so they could kill it once and for all, Kirk “Banana Man” Cameron is riding to the rescue with a movie called “Saving Christmas,” which will rescue the wildly popular holiday and its ...