Aww, Jim Inhofe’s grandchildren built Al Gore a spacious snow cavern to live in! How did they know Al’s fursona was a “homeless but sensitive polar bear?” [Think Progress]
Looks like it’s going to be another lonely, miserable Valentine’s Day, huh? Hey, why not fingerbang a heavily-discounted Newt Gingrich paperback from the NRO bookstore instead? Ships with a bottle of Newt’s famous pheromone cologne so you can set the mood! [The Corner]
“How many Americans will die because of Barack Obama’s handling of national security?” Hopefully enough in time for the 2012 elections! [RedState]
Obama’s “the only good terrorist is a dead terrorist” policy is in direct conflict with Rumsfeld’s way better “keep that terrorist alive so we can tickle him with a power drill” doctrine. [Matt Yglesias]
Bad news for feral Hill interns who snack on cigarette butts and other special treasures they find on the Mall: You are exposing yourself to third-hand smoke. [Gateway Pundit]
The New York Times is supposedly typey-typing its story that we already know will force David Paterson to resign before having any idea what’s in it. Why won’t David Paterson save the Times the trouble and just resign right now, for whatever? MORE »
TODAY’S MOST IMPORTANT QUICK READ: A 4,200-word pretentious, Roman-numeral-subsectionedscreed from the “Dick Cheney of TNR,” Leon Wieseltier, about how Andrew “He Links To Some Good Stuff” Sullivan hates Jews for being so Jewish, those rotten Jews. What, you don’t want to read this? Meh, just click on this Pareene thing instead. [TNR, Gawker]
Oh that Robert Gibbs and his Making Fun Of Trig, by writing notes on his hand during today’s White House Press Briefing. Our beloved press corps is simply not sure how to handle this. OUCH, man, OUCH. What did Trig ever do to Robert Gibbs, anyway? UPDATE: Oh jeebus, they WILL whine about this. AP write-up: “Many in the room, where President Barack Obama had spoken just moments before about the need for bipartisanship, groaned at the political shot.” Also, and also. [YouTube]
Neither snow nor sleet, nor more snow and sleet, can stop what is coming this Sunday: Valentine’s Day. BLAH BLAH BLAH, you either love Valentine’s Day because you’re happy and in love, or its mere presence makes you want to slit your wrists. (Or you don’t care.) Well, whether you’re single, in a relationship or cheating on your partner, there are plenty of things to do in DC to celebrate this (happy? sad? pointless?) day. MORE »
Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty, the 2012 candidate everyone’s heard about and immediately forgotten, holds a very special position for the Republican party: he runs around the country giving speeches that no one cares about BUT ONLY TO DISGUISE his true purpose, which is cash. He distributes unmarked bills and checks to people. Powerful people. Real quiet, see? MORE »
MICHAEL STEELE CONTINUES TO NEVER PLAY RACE CARD: Moo moo motherfuckers: “I don’t see stories about the internal operations of the DNC that I see about this operation. Why? Is it because Michael Steele is the chairman, or is it because a black man is chairman?” It’s because Tim Kaine is really boring. And yes, the black skin/RNC combo does make for more hilarity. [Plum Line]
Atlanta’s public transportation system “MARTA” is in so much trouble today for being racist against Asians. See, the MARTA people, the Martians, renamed the train line that goes where all the Asian people live the “yellow line.” And “yellow,” everyone knows, is the worst Coldplay song ever invented. Everyone just hates it, including Asians. MORE »
Oh lookee here: Eliot Spitzer’s whore thing Kristin Davis, his “Manhattan Madam,” has announced at some Libertarian convention (?) that she will be running for governor of New York. But woah, Albany insider gossip: this was Spitzer’s exact job in politics, running New York! It is nothing more than a classic tale of “switchsies”: the governor prefers spending his time whoring, and she who whores, wishes she could govern. MORE »
Here is a close-up of Sarah Palin’s new temporary tattoo. It raises so many more questions than it answers, technically! The Huffington Post did an impression of journalism and has now bequeathed unto the world revelations about what specifically those words are, namely “Energy,” “Tax,” “Lift American Spirits,” and “Budget cuts.” This information will amass even greater relevance when the New York Times reveals that it is an anagram for “RSVP for David Paterson Key Party.” [Huffington Post]
Today Iran began enriching its uranium for what are definitely nuclear-type purposes. [New York Times]
Joe Jackson, the alive father of the dead pop star Michael Jackson, believes his son was killed in a conspiracy, which is a thing that commonly happens. [CNN]
Childhood obesity is Michelle Obama’s new thing, as obese children are the #1 cause of obese adults. [WSJ]
It’s going to snow again in D.C. Budget your weather puns accordingly. [Washington Post]
Toyota has recalled half a million more Priuses, which means we are that much closer to a consensus on the Latin accusative plural of “Prius.” [AP]
Oh thank heavens: the arbitrarily obstinate Richard Shelby has lifted his holds on Obama’s 70 nominees. [The Hill]
Nothin’ quite like a few rich poopbags trying to dissect Sarah Palin’s reasons for scribbling shit all over her hands during a teabagging speech. Disturbed racial theorist Brian Kilmeade offers another story from his dark, repressed childhood on this morning’s Fox & Friends and adds, “I think that is — like you said before, Gretchen — folksy, absolutely, down-to-earth, I can identify.” Ha ha. It’s what the Common Man does! The Common Man cannot afford cue cards, or a sheet of paper, and so this is what the Common Man does during speeches. The Common Man feels LITERALLY MARRIED to Sarah Palin when she draws on herself like a child. [Think Progress]
The New York Times is supposedly typey-typing its 
TODAY’S MOST IMPORTANT QUICK READ: A 4,200-word pretentious, Roman-numeral-subsectioned 
Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty, the 2012 candidate everyone’s heard about and immediately forgotten, holds a very special position for the Republican party: he runs around the country giving speeches that no one cares about BUT ONLY TO DISGUISE his true purpose, which is 
MICHAEL STEELE CONTINUES TO NEVER PLAY RACE CARD: Moo moo motherfuckers: “I don’t see stories about the internal operations of the DNC that I see about this operation. Why? Is it because Michael Steele is the chairman, or is it because a black man is chairman?” It’s because Tim Kaine is really boring. And yes, the black skin/RNC combo does make for more hilarity. [
Atlanta’s public transportation system “MARTA” is in so much trouble today for being racist against Asians. See, the MARTA people, the Martians, renamed the train line that goes where all the Asian people live the “yellow line.” And “yellow,” everyone knows, is the worst Coldplay song ever invented. Everyone just hates it, including Asians. 
Oh lookee here: Eliot Spitzer’s whore thing Kristin Davis, his “Manhattan Madam,” has announced at some Libertarian convention (?) that she will be running for governor of New York. But woah, Albany insider gossip: this was Spitzer’s exact job in politics, running New York! It is nothing more than a classic tale of “switchsies”: the governor prefers spending his time whoring, and she who whores, wishes she could govern. 
