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Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today, but first, A BABY GOAT!

Trump’s 2018 budget will be released later today; it’s calling for “an aggressive set of spending reforms” across multiple federal agencies, yet showers the DOD with hundreds of billions of dollars. Priorities, people!

With the White House drowning in scandal, it’s decided to distract everyone by declaring it Infrastructure Week (again), announcing $200 billion in budget reallocations and an additional 1.3 trillion in unaccountable spending.

The Department of Transportation’s head train safety guy has been quit-fired after reports surfaced that he was also working as a PR guru in Mississippi, not because there’s been four collisions this year.

Rob Porter’s ex-wife Jennie Willoughby has penned a powerful op-ed defending herself against allegations from Trump and his White House that she and Porter’s other ex-wife, Colbie Holderness, are lying about being physically, psychologically, and emotionally abused.

Trump’s White House was in damage control yesterday, sending out talking heads to deny that John Kelly was being “You’re Fired” for defending alleged wife beater Rob Porter. Nobody liked Porter anyway, it’s all fake news!

Mick Mulvaney’s bootlicking may finally be paying off as the rumor mill on the Hill reports that Mulvaney is being considered for Chief of Staff.

White House lawyer Don McGahn has his own private hatchet man from the Koch brothers, paid for by US taxpayers.

Devin Nunes launched his own news website only to find it knocked offline within hours, forcing a redirect to a social media page.

Sinclair Broadcasting Group is asking its news directors to donate to its PAC so that it can continue to pressure legislators, regulators and courts to look the other way while it gobbles up what’s left of small town newspapers and television stations.

Eric Trump is determined to remind everyone that he really is the dumbest of the Trump spawn by bringing back Trump Magazine.

The Trump tax cuts (for the super rich) have spurred big businesses to dish out bonuses, but nobody is actually raising wages.

EPA Director Scott Pruitt is still costing taxpayers shitloads of money for his secretive jet-setting lifestyle. What could be better than a climate change skeptic burning thousands of gallons of jet fuel?

A report that details how intelligence agencies routinely shit on whistleblowers was killed by a watchdog before it could expose how the CIA and NSA regularly get revenge on snitches.

The US was trying to get back some of the data stolen by a group of hackers, but when the contact started offering Trump kompromat, like the pee hooker tape, the agents suspected a Russian ruse, and a general fear of pissing off Trump and Mike Pompeo.

ICE arrests of noncriminal undocumented immigrants are up by 40 percent under Donald Trump as agents are now taking “the shackles off” Uncle Sam and placing them on immigrants whose only crime was trying to start a new life.

Pennsylvania Republicans redrew their gerrymandered congressional map largely along presidential voting lines, making it just as gerrymandered as the last map.

Progressives are pissing off Democratic incumbents for having the gall to take their advice and run for public office.

Mike Cernovich and Stacey Dash are pouring gasoline on reports that they’re both considering congressional runs. This is what rock bottom looks like.

A former district court judge, school board member, and Trump campaign official in Kentucky (he’s one busy guy!) pleaded guilty to 21 counts of human trafficking against 19 victims, including minors.

Harvey Weinstein and his little brother are being sued by New York AG Eric Schneiderman for civil and human rights abuses after an investigation found “pervasive sexual harassment, intimidation and discrimination.” The AG is worried that the ongoing sale of the Weinstein company is an attempt to weasel out of paying damages to victims.

Steve Bannon is warning that the feminazis are coming to cut off ALL THE BALLS, telling reporters, “Time’s up on 10,000 years of recorded history. This is coming. This is real.”

Shortly after reports that Puerto Rico had restored 75 percent of electrical capacity began to appear, an explosion at an electrical substation plunged much of the island into darkness.

Australia’s deputy PM got a lucrative cabinet position for his pregnant mistress, and the Prime Minister’s office doesn’t see this as nepotism.

Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte is telling soldiers to shoot female rebels in their vaginas.

Youths are mad that a social media app primarily used to share underage dick pics, sexts, and shitposts decided to update and legitimize itself. Cry me a river.

NICE TIME: A Utah school named for Andrew Jackson will now honor Mary W. Jackson instead. The NASA engineer was one of the first black women to work in the space agency, and a pioneer in promoting women and minorities for the space program.

And here’s your morning Nice Time! RED PANDAS!

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Follow Dominic on Twitter, and look at his pretty pictures!

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  • Nounverb911
    • bupkus231

      Shit, that stuff was “dead on conception”, never mind “arrival”.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Do these boxes weigh more than the conflict-of-interest folders? http://thehill.com/sites/default/files/article_images/trumps_pence01112017getty.jpg

      • kareemachan

        Fuck, there’s the human q-tip with his smarmy, smug look AGAIN.

        Oh, it is Bring the Kids To Work Day – AGAIN?

        • Msgr_MΩment

          It is NEVER Bring the Adults to Work Day with this crowd.

  • dslindc

    GOOD JOB, BABY GOAT!

  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
  • IdiotsforPalin
    • Toomush Stability

      The Best!…

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Meta-asshole.

    • Fritz1964

      Yes. Calling him an asshole is an insult to assholes.

  • armed_bears
    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      The bulging can indicates freshness!

    • Cock Blockula

      What MONSTER created this?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Clams in a can! Now aren’t we fancy!

  • Nounverb911
    • From Russia with Love

      If you measure success as a liar as someone who tells the most lies…

  • La forza del resistino

    It’s Donald’s infrastructure buildout week calling for everyone to do 6 sets of ab crunches w/o punching your SO

  • George

    I thought my head was melting but now I think it’s about to splode. Hep me Lawd!

  • BadKitty904
  • Nounverb911

    Does Disqus seem more disqusy than usual today?

  • Marion in Savannah

    Both are squee, but which is more squee — babby goats or red pandas? Discuss.

    • janecita

      If push comes to shove, I would probably eat the goats. So, I vote for the red pandas.

      • From Russia with Love

        They’re pets. They mow the grass. They’re dinner. Multifaceted I must say.

        • kareemachan

          They’re REALLY good at getting rid of monster blackberry vines, too.

          • Skeptical_thinker

            Poison ivy, too, also and in addition.

        • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

          Kudzu. In my town, we have a “goat man” who will hire out his goats to clear brush. The job that they did on the town cemetery was awesome.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            I almost adopted a pair of goats for brush clearing purposes, but I have only 5 acres, so what would I do with them on month #2?

          • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

            Rent them out?

    • The Wanderer

      Red pandas are, by definition, cute. Which is partly why I chose them for the family of Chinese gangsters in one story.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    i can’t believe I almost missed it; for months I’ve been bidding you all adieu as i leave to my internship, calling it the “not-a-job” and then the “soon-to-be-a-job.”

    So I have to say, ciao, as I’m off to the “FINALLY-A-JOB!”

    thanks for all the support wonkers. : )

  • The Wanderer

    I think I’ll forego coffee for a second cup of lemon tea and a slice of toast. Shouldn’t overtax my stomach after an attack of the Dreaded Lurgi.

    • BadKitty904

      <– ANY time is time for mint tea!

      • The Wanderer

        Sadly I have none in the house, so I must make do. And my first slice of toast, about three hours ago, was the first food I’d had since lunch yesterday.

        • BadKitty904

          Hmm. Granny always recommended ginger-ale and saltines for upset tummies.

          • The Wanderer

            Ginger ale was last night.

          • BadKitty904

            Good AND good for you.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Granny was right. There’s a compound in ginger that’s good for nausea. And saltines are the only thing that will help when I’ve got bad tummy problems.

          • BadKitty904

            See?

          • Erala Contratista

            Also plain (with a dab of salt) oatmeal, too.

          • kareemachan

            Well, I’d have oyster crackers, but same thing, really.

          • BadKitty904

            Prolly better for you, sans the salt.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Too bad it isn’t upper respiratory. My Grandma always recommended whiskey and honey for that.

          • BadKitty904

            See? In case of sore throats, Granny’s remedy was rum, honey, and lemon-juice. Just the ticket for a houseful of tiny, sick, drunken children careening about…

          • YaJagoff

            My Grandmas’ was Rock & Rye.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    TrumpFlunkies were out in force this weekend, pimping the narrative that his statements about due process had absolutely NOTHING to do with defending Rob Porter, but were completely coincidental affirmation of his deep love and understanding of the Constitution and belief in the rule of law. Also too, it’s the FBI’s fault that Porter worked in the White House for a year without a security clearance.

    • bupkus231

      ” …affirmation of his deep love and understanding of the Constitution and belief in the rule of law… ”

      Here’s the new front-runner for snark-of-the-year!

  • La forza del resistino

    ‘ … but when the contact started offering Trump kompromat, like the pee hooker tape, the agents suspected a Russian ruse, and a general fear of pissing off Trump’ You’re in or approaching deep water here, Dominic.

    • Mr Canoehead, Porg Griller

      That ain’t water.

  • Toomush Stability

    I once built a fence ten feet tall and ten feet away from the barn to keep the damn goats in. One billy figured out how to run along the barn wall, jump up against it and catapult himself over the fence. He tasted a little stringy, but good…

    • The Wanderer

      Goats invented parkour.

  • Nounverb911
    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Not to mention DemocratIC voters.

      • From Russia with Love

        Willing stupidity.

        • Marion in Savannah

          Intentional stupidity.

    • HazooToo

      Wow. Ted Cruz is right.

      • Christopher Story

        Fear makes a man honest.

        • Marion in Savannah

          Even a Republican? I have my doubts about that.

      • Darlene Underdahl

        Yeah, sleazy as hell but not stupid.

        • HazooToo

          That last part is debatable, he could just be repeating sounds he’s heard frequently from inside his cage.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Not to mention over your-soon-to-be-electoral-corpse, Mr. Zodiac.

    • kareemachan

      Well, duh!

    • YoBunnyBunny

      I mis-read that as “volatile erection“….

      Totally not a phrase you want to see in the same sentence as “Cruz”

      But yes, crawl over broken glass, then wipe up said broken class with the GOP.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Hey, if I looked like an old-timey flim-flam man about to be run out of town for selling worthless gold claims and “nerve tonic,” I’d probably be nervous too.

    • From Russia with Love

      My pleasure to vote for Beto O’Rourke in the primary by absentee ballot just last week. You miserable fuck.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      The only reason he won last time was a special runoff election in the middle of August. Somewhere around 20,000 Texans bothered to go to the polls that day.

  • BadKitty904
  • Nounverb911
  • beingreleased

    Roses are red,
    Violets are blue,
    Some poems rhyme,
    This one doesn’t.

    I don’t know who wrote this, but I heard it from Bob Dylan, Nobel Laureate.

  • Bub, Secret Society zombie
    • Nounverb911

      Debbie Wasserman Schultz lib…. Oh, nevermind.

    • beingreleased

      If frauding is outlawed, only frauders will fraud.

    • They had one of them on morning edition this AM. I was already in a crappy mood so i was pretty schadenfreude-y upon hearing her dismay that the suit had been dismissed. And with it her chances of dismissing her millions of debt.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    The Guardian is reporting that Pence has seriously cheesed off the South Koreans. Nice job, you clueless fundie fuckwit.

    • beingreleased

      I’m sure this is nothing a few air strikes can’t solve.

    • From Russia with Love

      These guys are like somebody’s little brother that you don’t want to take with you to the party.

    • kareemachan

      I was seriously cheesed off after seeing this. I’m not Korean or even Asian, but a firm believer in etiquette.

    • The disgusting Kim dynasty dictatorship has played a flawless diplomatic game over the Olympics. Now they look like the good guys even in Western media. I honestly don’t think the ruthless dictator KJU is a nutcase like his dad was, or at least he knows how to listen to people who know what they’re talking about.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I think we should not forget what a totalitarian menace North Korea really is, but we need to understand the desire of the South Koreans for some sort of rapprochement or break in the stalemate. They’ve been living in state of trigger alert and fear for 60 years now, of course they are eager for some means, any means of easing that, and sports can be one way of finding common ground. Pence pissed all over that like an incontinent toddler.

  • Christopher Story
  • OrG

    Yeah, Sinclair really sucks. I had to change my morning news station because of the “commentary”. It was basically nazi propaganda.

    • Ants In My Eyes Johnson

      Is the any way to protect a local news source from being snapped up by Sinclair?

      • OrG

        Yeah, the FCC. Oh yeah,right.

      • When Sinclair and Tronc tried to buy Chicago Sun-Times the newsroom banded together with a local union, and a rich guy to make a counter offer the former owner couldn’t refuse. Part of the deal was that newsroom maintained control of content and editorials, would be allowed to unionize, and would not exert control or influence on the paper’s content, or the content of the local alt-weekly, The Chicago Reader.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Devin Nunes launched his own news website only to find it knocked offline within hours

    Not even the ISP host could stand seeing “All the Nunes that’s fit to print!” splayed across the home page.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Ew.

      That is all.

  • Rick Hill

    FBI releases it’s Wonk spy surveillance tapes
    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/aZ3p1n0_460s.jpg

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I’m with her.

    • From Russia with Love

      Hopefully you hate shirts too!

      • Courser_Resistance

        She just might hate bras too from the looks of it.

        • From Russia with Love

          Trifecta!

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    The appropriate follow up question, on being told insistently that the president is not firing a racist boor who went to bat for a wife beater, would be, “why not?”

  • sarafina

    The pandas are very cute!!

    And if one Trump appointee can be shamed out of office for expensive travel, why can’t this other idiot?

  • RE: NSA trying to recover hacked docs and getting offered the pee hooker tape — personally, I have a number of issues with this story. A number of details are “too good to be true” and are counter to hacker culture. “Hacking” is essentially a B&E, and you fence what you can for whatever you can get ASAP, or just dump everything for the lulz. This story suggests the Shadow Brokers were a calculated collective with an agenda. I have a lot of trouble accepting this notion.

    The Shadow Brokers initially sold the NSA toolkit, but nobody really wanted to buy it, so they just dumped it about a month later. It’s not a stretch to assume they held on to some other data, but what would be so damning that the NSA tried to buy it back? It’s not a uncommon for loose-knit hacking groups to fracture, they’re usually one-time alliances anyway, but nobody usually seeks out the feds in fear of getting busted. The whole story is just very sketchy.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4e70cbb9051debd1eadb251fd724d207273f9a766773d9a3c29de547e6d8e7de.gif

    • MynameisBlarney

      Yeah, I heard about that on NPR over the weekend.
      Doesn’t quite pass the smell test.

      • Nope. And hacking groups are notoriously secretive, unless its for the lulz. There’s been some political douches in the past, but they’re usually not that skilled or organized to crack the fucking NSA. It’s not a secret that submarine with screen doors is more secure than most US government computers, but I I know people on both sides of the aisle — a B&E for the the NSA is VERY resource intensive operation. I’m talking about expensive computers, and a lot of time, electricity, and people. These are things that set off red flags and initiate door knocks and surveillance, exactly what you don’t want when you’re attempting to crack a first world government server.

        Think about every heist movie you’ve ever seen. It usually has a motley crew of specialists, everyone stands to gain a lot of money, and the operation is very delicate and complicated. That’s not to say that a independent group is incapable of doing just that, it’s just not very likely. Most of the “PR” the group put out was in Eurotrash broken English, suggesting there wasn’t an fluent English speaker. That itself suggest former Soviet bloc countries where a lot of hackers now operate. A lot of those guys operate on what would be considered a salary as opposed to the gig-based freedom most people prefer. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/88fc7b774fe992969585297b8620f3d8f0020980eabcc4e765cf7597fadd55a4.jpg

    • BadKitty904

      And “Shadow Brokers”? Srsly? What is this, an episode of Scooby Doo?

  • Nounverb911
    • HazooToo

      Yes obviously

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Well at least this time it was declared on Monday.

  • Ants In My Eyes Johnson

    As awful as I knew a Trump presidency would be, I honestly never expected it to be anywhere near this awful. The article really needed that baby goat video, to help deal with reading this morning’s update on the death of our democracy. Look at how she’s as small as a kitty! OMG!

    • Marion in Savannah

      And the TAIL!

    • (((Secret Agent Sedagive)))

      I knew it would be this awful in theory, but nothing can prepare you for the emotional reality.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Most of my friends and associates have been taken over by Pod-people. I’ve sent an email to a therapist who I hope can help me through this. I need to get out as soon as I can.

      • bupkus231

        Any progress on your plans for Normay?

        • Courser_Resistance

          Not really. I’m kind of spooked that it might have been some kind of hack. Their FaceBorg page when down when the Normay thing broke and their webpage hasn’t been updated. I called the number from the webpage. No answer, but an automated voice in Norwegian. I’m learning the language pretty quickly but picking up on a recording is tough. I’m going to try to record it and then I can use a translation program to translate it. Then I can formulate my reply in Norwegian to leave my own message.

          I’ve had a ton of shit going on in my head, and my unemployment is ending next month so I’ve got to swap priorities for a while. I’m hoping to find a therapist soon to help me work through the emotional stuff and keep me on track with all the stuff I really need to do but don’t have the brain space to pay attention to.

          • Changeling

            If it was emigrateme.com and +47 930 33 907, I called and it’s just an automated message, I think it’s something like ‘welcome to the answering machine for number +47 930 33 907, leave message after the sound’.
            Here’s the page for Ringerike Commune: http://www.ringerike.kommune.no. It should be understandable if you Google translate it, Norwegian translates well into English. This is the contacts page: http://www.ringerike.kommune.no/Toppmeny/Kontakt-oss/
            Maybe try servicetorget@ringerike.kommune.no. They will understand English.

          • Courser_Resistance

            Oooh, thanks! Very helpful! It’s basically the information I’ve been looking for. I’ve been composing a letter (in Norwegian) and now I have some idea of how to contact someone in the area.

            {{{HUGS}}}

          • Changeling

            Just wanted to cheer you up, so I checked if I could do something. I hope it helps!

  • Nounverb911
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Ministry of Truth — Lie Factory

  • Bub, Secret Society zombie

    Millions of dollars in unregulated cash, forked over to any politician seeking to hold a massive party to commemorate their own inauguration. What could possibly go wrong? While most officials have raised several millions of dollars, the Trump committee brought in a record-breaking $107 million in individual and corporate donations.

    However, only half of the money was spent, and even those dollars seemed over and above what others have spent.

    “Considering that the inaugural committee’s only job was to put on a few parties in January 2017, it is difficult to see why it should need any extensions” to the IRS filing deadline, Fischer said.

    The constant delays “really make you wonder what it is they are trying to hide,” he noted.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1cddeb7cfbce73cf023fe8f4e786585e7fd5e962b689f25ce305fabf3da24ed6.jpg

    https://www.rawstory.com/2018/02/trump-hiding-inaugural-committee-still-cant-account-107-million-donations/

    • Marion in Savannah

      Gifters gonna grift. Liars gonna lie.

    • bupkus231

      Rachel Maddow was reporting last week about the possibility that these unaccounted monies were gonna be used for a “legal defense fund” for Rump staffers facing legal action….

      So, an unaccountable slush fund, if not illegal in itself, is to be used to defend illegal activities…..

      This reminds me of the Nixonian CREEP ( “Committee to Re-Elect the President” ), which I think was as much a money laundering scheme as it was cover for the ratfucking plumbers….

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    From what I’ve read, both of Rob Porter’s ex-wives seem to be intelligent, articulate, capable women. My guess is that this is part of the source of his rage towards them, not being the servile, fawning house-mouse partners his religion told him he was entitled to.

    • (((Secret Agent Sedagive)))

      That really is a nice op-ed from Jenny Willoughby.

      One wonders why such an apparently intelligent and thoughtful woman would marry such a schmuck in the first place.

      • bupkus231

        I would have preferred to see a more explicit retraction of her words in the “Daily Mail” piece a few days ago:

        Link: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5359731/Ex-wife-Rob-Porter-Trumps-secretary-tells-marriage.html

        …’I want to be very clear when I say this,’ Willoughby said. ‘I don’t want to be married to him. I would not recommend anyone to date him or marry him. But I definitely want him in the White House and the position he is in. I think his integrity and ability to do his job is impeccable. And the majority of the issues he suffers from are very personal and intimate.’

        • (((Secret Agent Sedagive)))

          Interesting: she supports this so-called administration even though she’s calling the President a dangerous enabler and her husband a violent abuser.

          I guess that answers the question about why she married such a schmuck.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I’m guessing she’s been getting woke in the last few weeks. Again, if she’s Mormon, she’s programmed to mouth these kinds of platitudes about a powerful man, even if he beat the shit out of her. But maybe the light is finally coming on for her.

          • (((Secret Agent Sedagive)))

            Ah yes – I had forgotten that they were Mormon.

            Many years ago I worked with a Mormon feminist. She said that she wanted to change the institution from the inside. I often wonder how things turned out for her.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Mormons are big on education, so there is a dissident faction of lib/feminist types in the church who remain believers. It is tolerated to a point, unless it becomes too public or too overtly challenges the ruling patriarchy. In which case they will excommunicate you and declare you a non-entity in a heartbeat.

          • Mentally Stable Ron

            That’s one of the warning signs of a cult, isn’t it?

          • Skeptical_thinker

            Excommunicated, in a word.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Assuming she is Mormon as well, she has been conditioned from birth to seek out a man like this. Not the abuse per se, but an alpha male who makes all the decisions and treats her like a servant.

      • Me not sure

        Who in the world would hit someone with a name a like Colbie Holderness?
        She had such a sweet face before it was rearranged for her and It’s the cutest name ever.

    • folderol

      Rob Porter looks like he has a stick so far up his ass he can’t bend over.

    • Resistor Radio

      I’ve never heard the term “house mouse,” and I like it. Fitting.

  • Parakeetist

    Warning: the goat and panda videos are Too Squee and violate the Federal Cuteness Act of 1979.

    • Marion in Savannah

      But there’s a loophole about babby goat tails that lets them in.

    • Toomush Stability

      I’m having trouble reading the Act – it’s written in the most precious cursive I’ve ever seen. Who does that?…

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Those damn smiley faces and hearts over the i’s…

    • Ghenghis McCann

      The babby goat is smart too. How many Wonketeers could walk at one day old?

      • From Russia with Love

        I could, but just over to the beer cooler and back.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        Not just walking. Babby goat be jumpin’!

      • Jeffery Campbell

        Day one!? I’m struggling now (aged 59 and 3/4th).

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Fucking Carter.

      • bupkus231

        It was passed with a veto-proof majority – Don’t blame Jimmeh!

    • MynameisBlarney

      We only have so much Squee to go around too.
      This is just wasteful!

  • From Russia with Love

    This administration… What’s the word for inelegantly going from one fucked up situation right to another one?

    “Honey who was that guy on Addams Family?”

    Ah that’s it. Lurch!

    • Marion in Savannah

      Stagger works too.

      • From Russia with Love

        Also applies to me after about 5:00PM.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      “Stepping on their dicks”???

      Oh… you said “word for inelegantly”, suggesting a more elegant turn of phrase.

      There just isn’t an elegant way of putting what this “administration” is doing do.

    • CripesAmighty

      Clusterfuck.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Little known fact: Ohio Governor Bob Taft’s college nickname was Lurch.

  • Covfefe

    If Trump doesn’t defend wife beaters, who will?

    • Nounverb911
      • bupkus231

        Well, face it – even the people of Alabama went for Roy Moore instead of Mo Brooks…..

    • OneYieldRegular

      The last thing I need to see right now is Trump wearing a wife-beater. I mean, ICK.

      • MynameisBlarney

        All stained and with globs of KFC gracy and McD’s special sauce.

        • Ghenghis McCann

          I have a queasy feeling that he might lick it clean.

          • MynameisBlarney

            That really made my stomach churn and almost gag.
            LOL

          • Marion in Savannah

            Jeez — some people are trying to eat breakfast.

          • Ghenghis McCann

            Sorry, I keep forgetting the Time Zone difference.

    • Me not sure

      Puppy stranglers?

      • weejee

        Hucksterbees don’t choke. Wait, what?

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Duggars….wait, wrong thing.

    • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

      Scott Baio?

    • chicken thief

      Mike Tyson?

  • MynameisBlarney

    Also, too; fuck that sadistic SOB Duterte!

    That fuckin psycho needs to experience Karmic Retribution. STAT!

  • BigCSouthside

    For the first time this morning I felt exhausted by this administration and the GOP. The destruction of truth in this country will never be undone. They are dismantling anything they can do they can loot the country. I remember republicans having bad ideas, I don’t remember them being so brutally cynical. This country is sick

    • From Russia with Love

      My only joy in all of this is that he is fucking over the people who voted for him more so than the rest of us.

      • Me not sure

        Give him time.

      • BigCSouthside

        And it won’t matter one bit. They’ll flood the voting booths and merrily vote for him and the GOP over and over again until they die off. They’ll do it for a few hundred extra bucks in the short term. The GOP bribes these dumbfucks with crumbs while ensuring an economic crisis in the future. But hey, they fuck over the brown people so they have that going for them.

        • From Russia with Love

          That’s why we need to work on OUR voting problems. Fuck trying to poach a few of them.

        • bupkus231

          The few hundred extra bucks don’t count nearly as much as the fucking over of brown people and Democrats for most of them.

          The ones getting hundreds of thousands of extra bucks are the ones the GOP is playing for.

    • bupkus231

      For the first time? You must have the constitution of a team of horses to only now getting exhausted ( I know you haven’t been oblivious, to it all – after all, you are here on Wonkette ).

      I think my capability to see anything positive coming out of this administration was exhausted before that administration even took office!

  • Me not sure

    Head of OMB, head of CFPB, and next White House Chief of staff. This is rapidly becoming the Mulvaney Presidency.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Just another day at the psycho mine.

  • IdiotsforPalin
    • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

      Stolen.

    • phoenix00

      “Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain”

  • weejee
  • Fartknocker

    Trump agains only hires the best people to run the Federal Railroad Administration while concurrently serving as the PIO for some local yocal sherriff in Misssissippi. Mrs. Turtleman has everything under control.

  • Werewolf

    New rule:
    The name “Mick Mulvaney” needs to be preceded by “Little Rat-faced Git”.

  • Jeffery Campbell

    Pandas and goats!!! Wonkette is very, very, good to me.

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    The DOD needs more money to help them find all the missing Ameros that they can’t find.

  • calliecallie

    Those red pandas really did almost make up for everything else I read there.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    I hate going into Old Man Get off my lawn mode but…. Who the fucks cares about Snapchat’s update ? If you kids spent more time being concerned about shit that actually matters than some stupid app changing its look.

    • akryan

      LOL, I work in a high school. all the kids were bitching about the update last week.

    • chortlingdingo

      I don’t do Snapchat. It seems to be primarily selfie-based, and I just don’t really take that many pictures of myself.

  • Mentally Stable Ron

    Oh, to have the joy for life of a day-old baby goat.

    • BillEGoatSmirk

      And the energy.

  • calliecallie

    That guy in Kentucky was a school board member? Jeesus!

    • chicken thief

      That’s easy in Kentucky as long as you don’t believe in science and that Jesus wrote the Constitution.

      • Unhappy Fingers

        Jesus crossed the Delaware on his dinosaur to put the Ten Commandments in the Constitution. Right? Right????

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Ken Hamm of the reconstructed ark on taxpayer funds probably believes that.

  • cmd resistor

    It really must be Infrastructure week. He has this 45 minute meeting on the schedule today: The President hosts a meeting with State and local officials about his infrastructure initiative State Dining Room. Then Intelligence briefing in the Oval Office, 30 minutes set aside, but figure 5 minutes to get there. Then lunch with Mikey Pence. Big day.

  • akryan

    just saw the smithsonian portrait of michelle obama unveiled on TV. I just gotta put it out there: WTF? she’s corpse grey wearing what looks like a sheet colored like a chess board. even the face doesn’t look like her. it’s just weird. edit update: she is a fucking master orator. every bit as good as her husband.

    • willi0000000

      well . . . according to Variety

      Amy Sherald, who painted Michelle Obama’s
      portrait, was the first woman to win the National Portrait
      Gallery’s Outwin Boochever Portrait Competition, is known for conveying
      “the inner strength of her subjects through a combination of calm
      expressions and confrontational poses,” the Smithsonian noted. Her
      portrait of the former first lady features gray skin tones that are a
      distinctive aspect of a majority of her paintings. Michelle Obama is
      wearing a dress by designer Michelle Smith’s label Milly.

      so . . . it looks like they found a Vogon artist.

      • akryan

        I don’t know what a Vogon artist is, but that portrait looks like it comes out of an emo fan fic redo of alice in wonderland

        • RandomNameAllocated

          They’re the ones who don’t make the poetry grade…

          (If you’ve not read* Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy I envy you, as you get to read it for the first time)
          * seen or heard

    • chicken thief

      I’m not a fan of Barack’s portrait either. His image is fine, I guess but the background? It loosely based on Sean Spicer hiding in the bushes?

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Question: how is it legal for a media company to have its own PAC? Lobbying is one thing, but seriously, a corporation can just have its own PAC?

    • Skeptical_thinker

      “Citizens United” Blame Chief Justice Roberts.

  • Marceline

    “Progressives are pissing off Democratic incumbents for having the gall to take their advice and run for public office.”

    The first thing I do is to see if they are tied to Justice Democrats, Brand New Congress, or Our Revolution. If so, they’re dead to me.

    • Hollandaise

      Why?

      • Marceline

        Because I want nothing to do with those organizations or people tied to them.

        • Hollandaise

          okey dokey

  • UnsaltedSinner

    37 years after Reagan began the modern Republican tradition of not giving a fuck about the deficit, American news media still manage to give you headlines like this.

    https://twitter.com/LemieuxLGM/status/962873175611662336

  • Celtic_Gnome

    It’s hard to fathom how these people have managed to hold onto any money at all. First, Jared Kushner buys a newspaper in 2007 to get in on the burgeoning explosion of new technology called newspapers, now Eric the Idle decides to publish a glossy print magazine while the entire world is going digital.

    If the Trumps want to piss away all their money, they could funnel some my way. Hell, I’d even pay the taxes on it.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      They look at all the money they have and assume they must be brilliant entrepreneurs.

    • BadKitty904

      Hey, any crew that can bankrupt multiple casinos has a gift…

      • Ling Ling

        And are slow learners

        • BadKitty904

          Or non-learners.

    • ExecutorElassus

      It’s hard to fathom how these people have managed to hold onto any money at all.

      That part’s easy. They launder money for the Russian mob. Pays for all their other ventures, all of which destroy wealth faster than if they’d simply piled all the money in one giant heap and set it on fire.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I read Jennie Willoughby’s op-ed. I have a question. She says “Rather than embarrass an abuser, society is subconsciously trained to question a victim of abuse. I would call it an ignorant denial based on the residual, puritan, collective agreement that abuse is uncomfortable to talk about.”

    Now, I understand this intellectually, but I am having trouble understanding it emotionally, because I am the 6th generation in a long line of people who instinctively respond to the first sign of abuse from someone by saying say “Fuck you, asshole, I’m not putting up with that shit.” So I don’t entirely understand this thing about a “residual, puritan, collective agreement that abuse is uncomfortable to talk about.” I have seen women AND men respond in the way she describes, and the explanation they always give is that they are afraid of being on the receiving end of some kind of disapproval, and this possibility terrifies them. It clearly is a real problem, but I’m not clear on how people learn to respond this way to abuse, since it is outside my personal experience. Can anyone explain it to me?

    • Manders

      Women used to be property.

      They had no power within a marriage. They had no assets. Women couldn’t even get their own credit cards until very recently. Marital rape was therefore not possible. If someone is your property, you can do with them whatever you like, including beat them up.

      Pile on top of that the fact that in general, we try to stay out of our neighbors’ business, that people often love their abusers and don’t actually want to leave them and just want the beating to stop, well . . . it’s a complicated subject and not everybody has the ability to draw that bright line.

    • Hollandaise

      We don’t teach kids how to recognize the early signs of abuse. Abusers know that and they groom you. They’re charming and lovely. Until they aren’t, but then they are again and they’re soooo sorry they said/did that and they’ll never do it again but you have to understand that they had a rough childhood/breakup/day at work and if you just don’t set them off like that again off it’ll be ok. Besides, you love them and it won’t happen again.

      Except it definitely does and it just gets escalated and worse and worse each time. But by the time it looks like what people think of as “real abuse”, you have a home and kids and joint accounts and your friends aren’t around much anymore for some reason so you just have his friends and your family adores him – he’s so charming and lovely! And nobody will believe you – why would they? He’s made sure you’re not considered a reliable narrator of our own life and you believe it too. And why would they even care? I mean, if you’re so stupid and awful enough to piss him off so much all the time why would anyone care about you? You probably deserve it on some level. And anything you could try (and you’ve tried) has backfired and just made things worse so why would you keep trying? Besides, you still love him and so do your kids. And he’s charming, and lovely. And terrifying.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        OK, I accept what you said, except that nobody taught me to not tolerate abuse, I just knew it instinctively. I was fighting back against hypocrisy and injustice when I was only 9 years old. Why do some people accept abuse and other people don’t, is my basic question.

        • Hollandaise

          Because not everyone is you or has your experiences. Don’t discount what you were taught, implicitly as well as explicitly. Things as small as not forcing kids to hug/kiss relatives they don’t want to are hugely instructive without having to say the words “your body is your own and you and only you get to make choices for it”. Many abusers are exceptionally good at manipulating what people “just instinctively know” – even you could yet ne affected. No one is immune.

        • PincheMacha

          There’s this psychological quality known as “resiliency.” It’s just what you would think, based on the name: the ability to weather events that would scar most people without long-term damage. Just like some people can bounce back from horrific accidents, falls or punches that would take most of us a year to recover from in a week, some people can bounce right back from abuse, or respond right off with a counterattack.

          I’m from a profoundly dysfunctional family of origin. Eight kids, classic big Mexican family – dad and mom both survivors of sexual abuse, dad also veteran with PTSD. Without getting into what our childhoods were like I’ll just say – Every one of us is now really … really … really fucked up. Drug addictions, gambling addictions, alcoholism, locked in abusive relationships, one brother guilty of a drive-by shooting, prison terms, etc, etc … *except me.* Me, I’ve got a graduate degree. Me, I’m a college prof. Me, I live in the hippest area of the PNW’s hippest city, married to the best man in the world, who adores me beyond words, fantastic gifted child, no drugs other than the occasional recreational edible and rioja with dinner. And I’m happy, when I’m not thinking of trump: I’m really, actually, happy.

          I won this particular genetic lottery, I think. Whatever resiliency is, it’s allowed me to go through sexual and physical abuse that typically destroys lives, that HAS destroyed the lives of my siblings. It’s not moral superiority. It’s not willpower, it’s not strength. I think my homeless brother, my alcoholic sister, my sister with the abusive husband – they’re far, far stronger than me, if you want to know the truth.

          Sounds like you too are a highly resilient person. It’s amazing, and you are lucky. I don’t think you or I will ever really emotionally comprehend what it’s like to live without this unearned shelter. But knowing that it’s a gift, a twist of luck and nothing more – hopefully that will strengthen your empathy for average folks who lack it, and especially for the highly sensitive souls out there, who suffer so much more than we will EVER know.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            You make some excellent points and you express them very well, thanks. Yes, resiliency is a valuable gift, and it has nothing to do with moral superiority or willpower, but I think it does have to do with strength – although there are different kinds of strength, and I’m not sure which one it is that I think is involved here. There is also an element of positive thinking, which quite a few people I have known since childhood know do not have and have never had – they are always expecting the worst or expecting to fail, whereas I am always 100% sure that I will overcome any obstacle in my path eventually, and so I always do. This might be because I don’t give up until I do overcome it, so then we have a trait called persistence.

    • Unhappy Fingers

      If the abused person is a kid, and the abuser is their parent, AND the abuser is also the kid’s only source of what nurturing and caring they get, the kid is in an impossible situation. Exposing or repudiating the abuse runs risk of losing the nurturing and being abandoned. Telling others may get the abused person into far more trouble.

      These things are FELT emotionally rather than rationally. The rage therefrom can get locked into the body, causing lifelong harm. Emotional cost is quite high, too.

      These things I unfortunately know very well as they happened to me.

      I can’t speak authoritatively to the experiences of those whose abuse started later in life and/or who had supportive people they could go to and confide in. I also can’t speak about women’s experience as I’m a guy.

      If you would like to know more, I can recommend the book Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman. She studied sexually abused women of all ages and places their experiences in the context of history too.

  • Re: The “Snapchat” write-up: Geez, Dom, are you in the “Kids these days” age bracket already (with their hula-hoops and their dungarees and their…)

  • chicken thief

    They going to buy ad space on Fox & Friends to hawk Trump Magazine?

    • phoenix00

      Who else would take their (Russian) ad money?

  • YouInDangerGirl!

    Re: the Bannon quote above – Stevie, for 10,000 years we also didn’t have printing presses, plumbing, or electricity. We’ve learned to cope with these unfortunate developments. Don’t you worry, my man – we can weather this storm!

    • Bitter Scribe

      Everything is the apocalypse with this guy.

  • Progressives are pissing off Democratic incumbents for having the gall to take their advice and run for public office.

    Can’t speak to the ones outside New York, but the ones in NY they wrote about could just as easily be framed as profoundly liberal incumbents being challenged by monied newcomers with no previous experience and support from some of the oldest established hacks in NY politics.

    I don’t think anyone who isn’t actually being funded by Republicans is suggesting that aspiring Democratic officeholders start at the top of the political heap by knocking off Democrats. Although, I can see why Politico is framing it that way.

    • It’s great to see the enthusiasm, but it would be great if the new candidates really understood what politics involves. “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington” is a fine movie, but in reality, Jefferson Smith would have utterly destroyed his party in whatever state he’s supposed to be from.
      http://www.overthinkingit.com/2010/04/01/amateur-presidents/

      • The first time I ever went to DC not on the way to somewhere else, I burst into tears because the trees had grown past the point where you could see the capital.

        I wish I believed that the people who are being idiots cared,

  • OrdinaryJoe

    #ibelieveher

  • Zyxomma

    Baby goats and red pandas are squee, but the op-ed by Porter’s ex is POWERFUL.

  • Referee

    Like all bullies, wife beaters carefully choose victims who aren’t physically capable of defending themselves. Of course Rob Porter was as calm and amiable as Mr. Rogers when he interacted with his male bosses. If he had punched John Kelly in the face, this pathetic coward would have ended up in handcuffs, with a badly bruised ass and TWO black eyes!

  • Poly_Ester

    I guess donnie has had a few too many women tell him that he is no good in bed for him to trust any of them.

  • Garbageman

    This is worth watching until the end, when Jeanine Pirro actually blames wife beaters in the Trump administration on . . . guess who?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDQ4mJ2ZbM0&feature=youtu.be

    • Ninja0980

      She’s NY gift to the batshit crazy society.

  • Herewegoagain

    Weakling our Phony Strongman …??????

    It’s interesting to see Donny Trump backing a guy abusing his wife and then claiming to be the victim of a “witch hunt” .. Donny’s every action is consistent with a criminal trying to cover his tracks. If he isn’t guilty, he sure acts like it.

    Shine a light on a bunch of cockroaches and they scurry for cover. Shine it on Donny Trump and he whines about being a victim. . He has a history of cheating and lying….. I don’t associate with such creatures in my daily life, so for me it’s a rare window into Trumpistan. Not pretty, but informative.

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    They should name that babby goat India Pale, because he’s so hoppy.

    *wince*

    I’ll see myself out.

    • phoenix00

      But that also means he’s bitter, which he certainly is not.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        Excellent point. I hadn’t considered that.

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