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Donald Trump says SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL FAKE NEWS DICK JOKE EMPORIUM!

Did you see that weak sauce bullshit Donald Trump did for his big Fake News Awards, which were only hotly anticipated in that everybody hotly anticipated he would fuck it up and wanted to see how much? Well, he missed his deadline a week ago, and then again, and THEN he missed his 5:00 PM deadline last night and then when it finally came up, it was on a GOP website (#complicit) and the site didn’t work, and when it finally did, it was kinda like the 45th president of the United States had faked an orgasm all over America’s face. It was dumb. It was a boring PDF file. It was an absolute abuse of the freedom of the press, which is disturbing, of course, but all the press did was LOL and go back to filing their Russia stories.

But Wonkette won ONE MILLION OF THEM. (Fake news.)

Look!

Now, it’s not quite the end of the month, but something that is NOT A FAKIE is that this little mommyblog/warblog/recipe hub/sex site that occasionally writes about politics is 100% READER SUPPORTED BY YOU, the people who love the Fake News Wonkette the mostest! We have NO ads to take over your browser. So the only reason Wonkette is here, being FAKE NEWS and making you laugh, is because of YOU!

So we’re asking you to pony up to let our FAKIE SELVES grow and grow and grow! The best way to do that is to CLICK RIGHT HERE and sign up for a monthly subscription if you don’t have one, up your subscription if you do (and can afford it) or even give us just an extry one-time donation!

“But Wonkette, what do my moneys pay for?” We are glad you asked! On top of Rebecca Schoenkopf, the woman business owner who runs this whole joint, there is …

That’s right, kids, Wonkette, it is I, Evan Hurst, writing at you right now! Your money buys ME! So if you have ever wanted a chance to support MYSELF, then MAKE LIKE A CLICKER AND CLICK!

And for real, we have some changes happening around here. First of all, there is a SUPER SECRET SEXXXXUAL NEW PLATFORM about to roll out on Ye Olde Wonkette, and we could really use an extra $5,000 for that (we’ve been scrimpin’ and savin’).

Also too, yr Editrix Rebecca has become a lady boss with a COMPANY HEALTHCARE PLAN. That’s right, if you love Wonkette and contribute moneys to yr Wonkette, you are now officially paying for us to go to the doctor, and it’s part of the benefits of our jobs.

You also pay for salary and healthcare for …

And also Rebecca’s family, which includes Wonkette Toddler Donna Rose, who, LOL SAD, didn’t even get a Fakie, because she’s not old enough to lie at you yet:

So that is the full-timers here at the Wonk, not counting Donna Rose who is always like “I will have my blog post finished when I am done BEING A TODDLER, OK?”

But wait there is more! Do you love weekend editor Robyn and freelancers like Five Dollar Feminist? You are paying for them too when you donate us moneys, and look, THEY GOT FAKIES:

That’s right, even our part-timers and freelancers are FAKE NEWS AWARD WINNERS. And don’t you want to see MORE of them? $$$$$$$$$$$$$$!

Look, we know you love Wonkette, whether you are here all the time or just every now and then. The average reader spends an average of SIX MINUTES at a time at Wonkette, which is quite a lot for a news website, actually. (Hell, it’s three minutes longer than you guys spend looking at porns in one sitting LOL ZING!) In comparison, most people only spend FIVE minutes at a time looking at the New York Times (which they are actually very proud is a 35 percent increase), guess because WHEN YOU GIVE YOUR OP-ED PAGE TO 60 TRUMP IDIOTS NAMED CLETUS TO WRITE ABOUT WHY DONALD TRUMP MAKES THEIR LOINS RUMBLE, people get real bored after five minutes.

Maybe they click on this op-ed by conservative never-Trumper climate denier (who is actually kind of sexy, and it bothers us that we think that) Bret Stephens called “A Modest Immigration Proposal: Ban Jews,” and they think, “Oh God, Bret Stephens is Jewish and we get what he is saying and it’s a really good point, but good LORD that is the worst headline in the world, like how did that ever get published? Especially on THE ONLY DAY Trump idiots are buying the NYT, on account of how all their dumb Cletus letters are in the newspaper that day? WTF YOU IDIOTS?”

That’ll make folks click off a news website before their five minutes are up, yes siree boy!

Why not just give moneys to a website that A) pays writers a living wage, B) gives them health insurance, C) doesn’t let Trump idiots write whack-off letters to themselves on our site and D) WRITES THE BEST HEADLINES ON THE INTERNET?

We think this is not a very hard choice. Please contribute early and often! New sexxxy platform comin’ atcha REAL SOON!

WE LOVE YOU KISS KISS KISS.

PS: Thanks to the lovely commenter who made these Fakie Awards for Wonkette! Take a bow in the comments, which are not allowed!

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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  • chascates

    And don’t forget to buy your Amazon stuff through the Wonkette link! Costs you no more but helps buy little Donna Rose’s shoes!

    • Asterix

      Fuck shoes… see the snow? That babby needs boots!

      • rocktonsam

        and a coat! Where is that childs coat?!1!!!1!
        deport her parents!

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Fuck boots. That babby needs a sled.

        Rosebud!

  • Crank Tango

    I don’t mean to be hard on you guys, but there are not nearly enough dick jokes on here.

    Hopefully, we can all rise to the occasion and fill in the gaps.

  • Asterix

    Done and done.

    Stop whining.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    This is almost as good as the Cut Cut Cut Act. Fucking moron.

  • gallbladder

    Wait a minute: Doc’s not qualified in medicine?!? That might explain why his prescription for Mike & Ike aren’t making these lesions go away.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      The Red Hots I was prescribed turned me the ghey.

    • Me not sure
      • gallbladder

        (Note to self: go Watusi this weekend.)

        • Me not sure

          First, my son, you must kill a lion with your bare hands. Get back to me when you’re done.

        • Ellie

          I now have a Watusi earworm.

          • FlownΩver

            Ah, but is it EL Watusi? These things matter.

          • Ellie

            It is now.

      • Oblios_Cap

        “Still getting subsidies to keep the price of sugar artificially high and screw American consumers”

      • Arolpin

        I was sure this was a joke, so I checked, and THIS WAS A REAL AD! It’s up there with cigarette ads quoting doctors for pure, unadulterated bullshit.

        • Oblios_Cap

          you should have seen some of the foods they advertised back in the day…

        • Me not sure

          I never joke about SUGAR!!!

      • OneYieldRegular

        Hey, that looks vaguely like the same person featured in the American Diabetes Association ad 35 years later!

      • SeeTrainWrecked

        Her children do the High Fructose Corn Syrup ads now.

  • Me not sure

    Faux Fakie fake news? Does that mean it’s real? If so, truth as we have known it is surely dead.

  • FlemmishSpy

    The failing NYT never gives its whole opinion page over to wonket dick jokes. Unfair!

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      I say we buy every paper every day to prevent people from reading it. That’ll show ’em!!!!

      • WotsAllThisThen

        I’m going to load so many online copies there’ll be none left for anyone else.

    • gallbladder

      Sad.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Sad and floppy.

    • Opiwan

      I’m pretty sure that violates all of our 92nd Amendment rights, or something

      • JAKvirginia

        Ha, liar! There are only 57!

    • SeeTrainWrecked

      People laugh enough at the NYT Opinion Page. At least this way, people won’t be laughing out of embarrassment.

      And it’ll be more thought out than anything Douthat, Brooks or MoDo can write.

  • aureolaborealis

    Evan is gay? I mean, I knew he was fucking guys and all, but a REAL LIVE HOMO? I thought he was just doing it to get chicks.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Wait, I thought Evan was the goldfish?

      • SayItWithWookies

        The angelfish is Wanda — that’s all I know.

      • aureolaborealis

        A GAY GOLDFISH?!?!?! Where’s the Conscience and Religious Freedom Division when you need them?

        • Oblios_Cap

          Does he know Kanye West?

          • aureolaborealis

            Does anyone REALLY know Kanye West?

          • Oblios_Cap

            He likes fish sticks. That’s all I know about him.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Kanye knows Kanye.

        • Timothy Watson

          Gay goldfishes?! Alert Alex Jones!

          • Major^3 Andre

            It’s the FLOURIDATED CHEMTRAILZZZZZZZS111!!!1!!!

      • Me not sure

        A cracker? I know he’s from the south, but isn’t that a little harsh?

    • Asterix

      Clearly Evan is not real.

      If he were, he would be a cat.

      • aureolaborealis

        While I don’t understand this, yet I approve of it.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Her’s a practicing homosexual. He’s working his way up to apprentice.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Then to Journeyman, I presume?

      • SeeTrainWrecked

        Practice makes perfect.

  • PubOption

    Reporter: Mr. President, we would like to do a story on Melania’s breasts.
    Trump: Fake news!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Robin s very shrill and mean to men? I’ve never seen that side of her.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      But she wrote words on the internet and it made a bunch of guys really mad.

      • Ms. MLG on Maui

        She won’t even prioritize men over women! How is that even legal?

        • MynameisBlarney

          I heard she didn’t eeeeven feel bad about making MRA’s cry.

        • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

          When she does talk about men she doesn’t talk about the scared white conservative men who are scared of everything. How rude.

      • Oblios_Cap

        I know she made Roosh V have a sad, but he deserved it.

        • Wonky “TransgenderFetus” McGoo

          MISANDRY

  • Ms. MLG on Maui

    Oh, man! I hope all the Trumpkins were as disappointed as a kid who gets nothing but socks and underwear for Christmas.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Will the trains be running to the sexxxual platform on time?

  • Victoria Ricola

    Ben Ferguson sucks and is a big dumb lying idiot who couldn’t spin his way out of bed. That’s all.

    • SeeTrainWrecked

      Agreed.

      Who’s for cake?

  • Maclare’s Bodega o’ Crap 🏪
    • Asterix

      That is one creepy raccoon.

  • Ryan Denniston

    The Trumpys were such a let down. The Morning Joe crew barely even made fun of them.

    • Major^3 Andre

      How can you tell when they are being funny?

  • Asterix

    I politely disagree with the assertion that Bret Stephens is kinda sexy.

    Not sexy. Not even close. Kinda meh at best.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Krakatoa, East of Orgy

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
  • Martini A, very stable genius

    For the record, Robyn is totally a 10. Really, she’s more like a 20. I was just using hyperbole to get into the mind of Dotard. Do you know how mentally damaging that is?!

  • LiberalANDProud

    Don’t forget that one million space bucks you owe Pizza the Hut.

    Tell ’em, Vinny.

    https://uproxx.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/pizza-4.gif?w=650

  • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

    So as I’ve mentioned I somehow got on the Very Best Presumdemt’s Greatest Own Mailing List – I know, right? SOMEBODY wasn’t doing their due diligence! Anyway today there was A Email asking for who Me the People thought should win for Fakest of All the Fake Newsies. Since they thoughtfully included a write-in candidate slot, I naturally nominated the originator and still champeen, Faux Nooz! (which I spelled correctly for them as I’m sure the sarcasm would be lost). I also took the opportunity to dash off a brief missive to Presidamp Gruntpoops McPantyshart letting him know that I consider him a massive embarrassment and a national disgrace. Brightened my day right up, I tell you what.

  • Ωbjectifier

    Did we get snarkiest non-commenter award?

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Obama has fundamentally transformed America. I don’t recognize my country. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZS_6-IwMPjM

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Boy, they really are determined to get the deplorable clicks at the Times, aren’t they.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    OK, you had me at “health care.”

  • JoeChristmas

    Only an authoritarian would attack the free press.

  • Ellie

    Damn his eyes. Now I have to continue to subscribe to NYT and WaPo. However, since I have to do that, I think it only fair that I also subscribe to Wonkette, even if I can’t comment here.

  • Ms. MLG on Maui

    All snark aside, I’m very happy you folks are getting a healthcare plan.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Now they can afford the therapy they all need!

      • GuidedAccordingly

        Thought the booze took care of those needs.

      • GuidedAccordingly

        We’re not paying for the booze too are we?

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          Nope, Soros foots that bill.

  • Opiwan

    These awards need more of those cakes we like. Would not bang. 4/10

    *throws crumpled up 100s at Wonkette*

    • jodyleek

      And cedar cheese? Where’s the gull derned cedar cheese?

      • The Wanderer

        The Manic Piano Asshat et it all.

        • Opiwan

          “Manic Piano Asshats” shall be the name of my next (first) band

      • WotsAllThisThen

        In the freezer section next to the vegan butthole.

        • mohave rocky

          “free range vegan baby butthole” as I remember

    • WomanInThePersistence

      And where are the canned clams?

      • Oblios_Cap

        YOU MONSTER!

      • SeeTrainWrecked

        I mentioned to someone the “canned clams” meme was all played out and was informed quite rightly, “You know what else is all played out? ‘ALL PLAYED OUT.'”

        No criticism here. Just thought I’d share. ; )

        • WomanInThePersistence

          You are a lovely person. Just sayin’.

        • SisterArtemis

          the canned clams meme (along with cedar cheese and a few others) has made its way to my workplace, where I am the only wonkateer. I love the evolution of language.

          • eggs ackly-wright

            Neologisms R US.

          • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

            I say “allegedly” after far too many sentences. “Also, too” has spread to my hubby and one neighbor.

          • Peter Witting

            I reflexively add “with votes” after verbalizing a well-deserved death wish, also, too.

        • mohave rocky

          Can we replace the clams with smoked oysters? I really like them. Maybe a combo; “Those oysters we like”

  • BearGHAZI

    So when are the Fake President Awards scheduled?

    • Opiwan

      Every time Poot Lips mounts the dais…

      • The Wanderer

        Please, for the love of Kitty Buddha, don’t associate Poot Lips with “mounting” anything.

        • Opiwan

          I was really hoping to use it as a way to counteract Dok’s open thread post yesterday, but it turns out two wrongs don’t make a vomit-free right

        • Well, I could see her mounting a vehicle for the ride to jail…

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    OT: So a couple days ago I regaled y’all with the story out of North Las Vegas where the mayor hired a political crony to a cushy assistant city manager position despite the crony having no experience in governmental administration. Then when the city manager tried to fire said crony for incompetence, the mayor not only reversed the decision but then fired the city manager in violation of city charter rules.

    Last night, the North Las Vegas city council unanimously approved elevating the mayor’s crony to the city manager job. When the media questioned hiring a person with no experience into a very difficult job, the mayor dropped this cliché.

    https://twitter.com/MichelleRindels/status/954029884287852544

    • Ms. MLG on Maui

      Wow.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Yeah. But one was a real ship and the other a fairy tale…

      • WotsAllThisThen

        I can’t build a boat but I can tell everyone I did. And it survived a worldwide flood! Also I’m 600 years old.

    • Jenny

      Said every incompetent person ever.

      • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

        It’s just an extension of the corporate BS of “We hired a CEO with no experience in our business because he doesn’t know what can’t be done!”

    • Crank Tango

      Imaginary boat trumps real boat every time.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Wow. That is some serious Louisiana-corruption-style chutzpah right there.

      • SeeTrainWrecked

        Damn it, I was just going to say, “Normally you have to go to Jersey for this kind of corruption.”

        • SDGeoff3

          Will somebody please think of Providence, Rhode Island?!!

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Probably not.

          • SDGeoff3

            I try not to. But they did have one great shining moment with the Macaroni Riots of 1914. (No, honest. It’s real.
            ed: Great day for the workers!

        • New York libel!

          • SeeTrainWrecked

            I wouldn’t have nominated my home state of Ohio, but they’re so incompetent at it their laws are struck down before they pass the Leg.

    • Shibusa

      Amateurs built the Trump administration. Look where that got us.

      • Lord Jim

        See, Trumpanzees think his admin is just great on account of its incompetence. Because talking shit is more important than getting shit done.

        • Shibusa

          Yes. As the year anniversary of his time in office approaches, the MSM is beating us over the head with focus groups of Trumpkins who think he’s just great. The main thing motivating them seems to be racial anxiety (hiding behind the flimsy fig leaf of ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION OMG OMG OMG!!!) but they also throw in shit about ISIS (like Trump had fuck-all to do with that) and tax cuts (business will be taking off in my shitty mill town any day now!) I also heard a woman saying giddily that she finds Trump’s constant lying [“wildly exaggerated by the biased media”] and reversing himself [“he’s not rigid! He can change his mind!”]refreshing because she doesn’t like the “polish” other politicians have. Good fucking god.

    • Shibusa

      I read there’s going to be a big women’s rally at Sam Boyd’s stadium on Sunday. Yay! I’m hoping Jacky Rosen beats Heller, btw. Nevada Dems have to really be organized to make that happen (and to help Susie Lee get into Rosen’s seat!)

      • Arolpin

        Nevada Dems work VERY closely with labor, largely health care and casino worker unions, and a lot of help from CA, so I’m sure they are getting ready now.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      ANALOGY FAIL

      The Titanic disaster is exactly what happens when you take a thing that was ostensibly being built and operated by professionals, and cede too much control of its design and operation to an amateur. Joseph Bruce Ismay — a fucking businessman, not an engineer or ship’s captain — called for the number of lifeboats to be reduced and (allegedly) for the ship to do a speed test during its fateful run.

  • (((Sedagive)))

    Where’s the afterparty? I love the smell of flop sweat and Axe Body Spray!

    Let’s dance, dance, dance the night away with Kid Rock, Ted Nugent, 3 Doors Down and the USA Freedom Kids (oh, wait).

    Well anyway: keep the corn dogs coming, and bring on the sparkling wine!

    • elviouslyqueer

      I love the smell of flop sweat and Axe Body Spray!

      Honey, that’s the Politico afterparty. The Wonkette afterparty smells of nothing but unicorn farts, sunshine, and Froot Loops.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Damn. I want to go to that party.

      • Jonny On Maui

        And hash. Don’t forget the hand pressed hash!

        • Arolpin

          I was wondering what smelled like burning rope. (I still don’t understand that, but anti-drug propaganda didn’t really worry itself with being true or rational.)

          • MynameisBlarney

            Well, back then rope was made from hemp.

          • OutOfOrbit

            but “hemp” is not the kind you smoke

          • MynameisBlarney

            They don’t care.

          • Paperless Tiger

            They still make it. It’s way softer and stronger than manila.

          • MynameisBlarney

            I tried to get some to make some tug toys for mah dawg, but I couldn’t find it anywhere.

          • sarafina

            I took up your challenge and checked out Amazon:

            https://www.amazon.com/Darice-400-Feet-Hemp-48-Pound-Natural/dp/B001687W0G/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1516315306&sr=8-6&keywords=hemp+rope

            It may not be what you want, but I searched “hemp rope”

          • MynameisBlarney

            Yeah, that I found.
            But I’m looking for big rope. Like 2″ diameter.
            Couldn’t find any made of hemp.

        • OutOfOrbit

          Hash? I thinked you was a spam&pineapple man

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      Sorry, Kid Rock is putting together his set for the NHL All-Star Game.

      • Pisto75666

        I’m still wondering (as a hockey fan) what we ever did to deserve that wonderful gift /s.I mean I know league expansion was kind of a bad idea but come on!

      • Arolpin

        I may not watch the All-Star weekend this year. Or at least not the musical portions. (Of the 4 major Merkin sporting leagues, all star events are ranked as follows:
        #1. NBA (not much of an NBA fan, but they throw a serious All-Star Weekend, and include community service as a big part of it)
        #2. MLB
        #3. NHL
        #431,545,454,675,190. NFL)

    • Ms. MLG on Maui
  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Right in the feels: As told on the other thread there is no train traffc possible because of the storm and people arre stranded at Utrecht CS en Amsterdam CS the biggest train hubs in the Netherlands.

    No we have a slightly different problem there. Traffic jams because people all over the country are driving there to pick up stranded passengers and drive them to their homes.

    9KM traffic jam for train stration entrances to pick up people.

    https://twitter.com/vid/status/954055423849631745
    https://www.vid.nl/Nieuws/article/VID.2018.018.06

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Dotard is saying words on my TV. What a fucking moron.

  • Michael R
  • DrBigHead

    O/T, but I need to vent. Just heard a brief story on NPR. They let stand, without comment, a statement by Trump that in effect said a government shutdown will include the military. Maybe I am confused, or perhaps a little naive, but I always thought it was the fucking OBLIGATION of the media to point out when members of the government, including the President, are lying through their teeth.

    • Michael R

      I heard that , and something else they said earlier ,
      NPR has been really awful lately , definitely over the last year or two .
      ( my roommate has it on in the kitchen , I never turn to NPR for anything )

      • DrBigHead

        Behaving like they are terrified of losing funding. Which, I suppose, is a rational perspective.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      CNN Tweeted the same thing from Paul Ryan, even though they reported on the network that Ryan’s statements were not accurate.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Yeah, they can just take Iraq’s oil, like Trump said.

        • sarafina

          I thought The Dick said that first, many years ago.

    • rebecca

      NPR has been absolutely worthless for a couple years now. I get a lot of their former subscribers’ subscriptions …

      • WomanInThePersistence

        I still like a few of their programs. “Wait, wait” for one. It’s available on podcasts. Because I dumped my subscription.

        • sarafina

          I think “Wait, wait” is a hoot.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        The Nice Polite Republicans have been suffering such a bad case of Stockholm Syndrome that there’s literally no difference between them and the hostage takers these days

        • Ill-Advised

          Today, and every day, they are all Patty Hearst.

      • Rags

        That would be me. Among a host of others, I hope.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Yep.

          • coozledad

            At this point, NPR is more about appealing to a white middlebrow demographic than anything else. They could easily fund their bullshit programming with ads from Hellmann’s and Renuzit.

            They’re just a farm team for Fox News “moderates”. And you just know there’s been a fuckload of dick-showing and ass grabbing there. You can just about hear the unequal power arrangements in the “personalities” voices. Their remaining listeners must like being talked to like children who’ve soiled their clothes.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I used to like them. Before they became stupid.

      • SDGeoff3

        Like moi. Our local outlet has really slid.

      • coozledad

        When anyone tells me that my failure to indulge the worldview of racists, torturers and xenophobes is somehow equivalent to their intolerance, all my sympathies immediately shut down.

        Anyone who’s still pushing the fallacy that there are good Republicans out there, or that there’s some kind of American heartland where pinchfaced white god botherers wouldn’t string up every outsider unfortunate enough to have to stop instead of driving straight through, is lying their goddamn ass off and is looking for a dollar up some other racist’s ass.

        There’s no Republican/American consensus. They’ve been the enemy since the Reagan administration. NPR and the NYT exist to give aid and comfort to the enemy.

      • Lynn A Myers

        I am one of them (former NPR supporter now proudly supporting our fabulous Wonkette!).

    • Martini A, very stable genius

      You have to wonder, in an offhand sort of manner, if that infusion of Koch bucks has perhaps tainted their credibility an incy wincy bit.

      • Rags

        ya think?

  • Ryan Denniston

    OMG. MSNBC, I think Chris Jansing is praising the Times for giving Trump reporters space to express their views. I think she meant supporters, but JFC!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Now they’re giving Evangelical Trumpies a chance to explain why it’s OK to ignore serial adultery, misogyny, lifelong racism, corruption, vulgarity, lying, bullying and pretty much every single thing Jesus actually espoused- as long as Donnie is anti abortion and hates the gheys

      • DrBigHead

        You forgot the guns

      • Ryan Denniston

        “They’ll only turn on him if they see something illegal or immoral.” Yeah, they’ll rationalize Stormy Ddaniels and the dozen or so other women away.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          illegal, like collusion or money laundering? Immoral like sleeping with porn stars who aren’t your wife and spying on little girls in their dressing rooms or groping women’s junk without their permission? How fucking illegal and immoral does it have to get?

          • Ryan Denniston

            You have to abandon the policy agenda.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Yup, guns, Gawd and gheys- actual Biblical teachings?

            not so much…

          • puredog

            “Grits. Don’t forget the grits.”
            — Hucksterbee

      • WotsAllThisThen

        I’d actually like to hear that. Especially the vulgar adultery.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        I can make this real simple, MSNBC- they’re fucking world class hypocrites.

        There, I just saved you a whole bunch of time and money…

      • cmd resistor

        I so wish someone would dig up some dirt involving Trump and an abortion he paid for. I suppose they would forgive him for that, too, if he asks them to.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Of course- that was different because reasons. Fake news, also too

          • Lord Jim

            PLENTY of “pro-life” women have gotten abortions, because DIFFERENT ENTIRELY.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            They just call them D&C and pray to Jebus the next Sunday and it’s all good

          • cmd resistor

            Yeah, and there was that elected guy (rep?) in Tennessee who supposedly made his girlfriend (he was married at the time) have one or maybe 2 abortions. He was a t-party family values Christian jerk. As I recall, he was reelected. But considering they’ve forgiven him for all the other sins in order to get his anti-abortion support, one would THINK there would be a line they wouldn’t cross, but of course not.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Sen. Vitter of Louisiana admitted being involved in a prostitution ring in 2007 and pressuring a woman he was paying for sex to have an abortion, but the citizens of Louisiana re-elected him in 2010 anyway, because he “admitted his sin and was forgiven.”

          • Ms.Moon

            My response to this is and will ever be G-d forgives I don’t. My memory is long and I like to hold on to my anger against people I don’t like.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            The Bible says we are supposed to forgive people who do wrong to US PERSONALLY (I try, and sometimes I succeed) but it doesn’t say much about forgiving people who do wrong to others. I am under no legal, spiritual, moral or ethical obligation whatsoever to forgive such people. I have one relative who tried repeatedly to kill his 91-yr-old mother so as to inherit her house. SHE might feel obligated to forgive him, but *I* don’t have to.

          • Ms.Moon

            My grandfather is still angry at my grandmother for something that happened over 50 years ago and she’s dead. My great grandmother remembered how much a pain in the butt my great grandfather was she never forgot how much her pissed her off even after he died. My holding onto a grudge is very genetic.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I think that is pretty normal. One of the nicest things I ever heard of was the time the Amish community in Nickel Mines, PA forgave Charles Roberts for murdering 10 little girls in an Amish schoolhouse in 2007. Perhaps it is easier to do when the whole community gathers together in an act of forgiveness. As a solitary individual, it is much harder.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            JFC!

          • sarafina

            DesJarlais???? or something like that

          • cmd resistor

            Yeah

      • Lord Jim

        Evangelicals’ gospel is not the word of Christ, but modern movement conservatism. The language of the authentic gospel is a fig leaf covering this ugliness.

    • mackafritz, v.s.g.

      Reporters, supporters, same thing.

      • puredog

        But athletic reporters are something entirely different.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Everyone is giving Trump supporters space to express their views. We know “Hillary was bad, Trump good, liberals mean, coal jobs, argle bargle”.

  • GRH
  • Paperless Tiger

    Trump forgot that he fired his chief Stalinist.

  • Anna Rompage

    Come for the dick jokes, stay for the non-comments, and Dear Shit For Brains section…

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    OT: Larry Nasser sent a whiny letter to the judge in his sentencing hearing saying that forcing him to listen to his victims was unfair, that he was not sure he was “mentally able” to endure it, and that the judge was grandstanding and engaging in a media circus.
    For her part, the judge told him to suck it up, buttercup.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I’d imagine that your sexual abuse to those little girls also taxed their mental abilities, asshole

    • rebecca

      but if they keep talking at him, maybe he will no longer not feel acrimony toward them!

      • elviouslyqueer

        Only then can the healing begin.

    • ariel_gee_398

      “I was told that, in the time of Trump, white men would be spared any and all consequences of their actions. This is deeply unfair.”

    • SeeTrainWrecked
    • Pisto75666

      Honest question: don’t these people have lawyers or some kind of respresentation, to tell them something like that might be a bad idea?

      • MynameisBlarney

        I’m thinking his lawyers are so repulsed by him they’re not going out of their way to help him from hurting his cause.

        • Pisto75666

          I would hope so but isn’t that their job? Defense lawyers defend people they dislike all the time.

          • MynameisBlarney

            It is their job, yes. I’m just sayin mebbe they ain’t exactly motivated for that particular client.

          • Pisto75666

            Point taken.

          • puredog

            That *is* their job. The genius of the adversay system is that it rewards such behavior, and allows defense counsel to compartmentalize (“it’s a win!”) without having to dwell unduly on what “it” is. Same for the prosecution, for the most part (though slightly less so).

        • sarafina

          Don’t they have to be careful fuckwit can’t appeal because of ineffective counsel? (IANAL, unsure of proper terminology-I did mean to say fuckwit, though)

      • OrG

        In tRump’s merica you don’t have to listen to your egghead lawyer.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        My guess would be that the lawyers are so repulsed by what he did that they don’t want to hear the testimony either or they might puke right there in court and have to quit. But that’s just a guess.

      • ariel_gee_398

        It was a hand-written letter. I suspect he asked his lawyer to draft, the lawyer said, no, this is going to hurt your case, and he did it himself because holy mother of god does the privilege run deep with this one.

      • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

        Especially since one of the conditions of his plea was that he agreed to listen to all of them?

        • Pisto75666

          Really? Damn I missed that part (seriously, no snark)

    • Arolpin

      Serial rapist is whining that people hate him? Good.

    • The Wanderer

      Had I been the judge, I would have ordered him to watch the recorded statements all over again, and give him an additional six months for contempt of court.

      • Yellow_Dog_Dem

        I’d put them on a loop to play in his prison cell for the duration of his sentence – 24 hours a day.

        • sarafina

          No, no more than 8 hours. Otherwise he’ll get desensitized and it will just become white noise.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I just can’t even. Sports coaches were very important to me. And yes, they were mostly men. And they were decent people.

      Men, decent men, why are you so quiet about this?

      • Bananas Foster

        Even the coach I hated was an asshole in a goddamn normal way.

      • Opiwan

        We are TRYING not to violate the commenting rules. Seriously.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Thank you. I know that most men are decent people. And appreciate that.

        • sarafina

          Commenting on the computer is not helping in real life. People not paying attention or being too comfortable believing in “coach” is why this went on for so long.

          • Opiwan

            I have a daughter I’m teaching not to put up with ANYONE’S shit, and a son I’m teaching not to be a rapey shitweasel. Is that good enough for you? Did you miss the irony of calling me out for commenting on the internet by fucking making a reply comment on the internet? Go shame someone who actually needs it, thanks.

      • elviouslyqueer

        When the judge flat out tells the survivors, “Nasser is going to die in jail,” what else is there to say?

      • Gosala

        What Opiwan said, but also I don’t post about it on Wonkette, I’m more inclined to listen and learn.

        But when this shit comes up at work (and it does), I get pretty loud.

      • shivaskeeper

        Sometimes there is nothing that can be said. Not without crossing a few lines. Nothing that won’t sound like like a trite cliche.

        I am sorry this happened. For years. I am somewhere passed enraged that this was covered up. For years. I am glad he is finally facing some sort of justice. I’m glad he will die in prison. I am gobsmacked that he feels the right to complain about having to listen to how his abuse affected these girls and women.

      • David Roosa

        no one in the gymnastics federation has quit or been fired………………………. even after allowing this to go on for years. they don’t care about the kids at all

    • MamaBrown

      This asshole’s privilege runs so deep that even after being found guilty of molesting scores of young girls, while awaiting sentencing, he still feels perfectly free to castigate a female judge because he thinks she’s a big old meanie for making him listen to these shrill women bash him–bash him! a man! a white man!

    • Rags

      One of those girls is daughter of a friend. Fuck him with venom-soaked, putrescent, extremely sharp, rotating, nucular votes.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      This guy makes me really want to violate the commenting rules…

    • Sean Jungian

      I loved her response to him.

    • I’d put him on the balance beam or parallel bars…..about 200 feet off the ground.

    • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

      Not mentally able?

      He’s already facing 60 years for a kiddie pron plea deal…

  • Bananas Foster

    I’m doubling my monthly.

    Er, that sounds bad. Like I need super turbo max tampons or something.

    • chicken thief

      It will balance out the dick jokes though. Period.

    • rebecca

      well who doesn’t??

  • Zippy W Pinhead
    • The Wanderer

      “When Tom Cotton’s balls get rotten . . . “

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Look away!

        • eggs ackly-wright

          Disneyland!

      • Ellie

        “Get?”

    • SDGeoff3

      Wow.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Listening to Trump’s speech. It’s like he’s willing a boner into full erection state.

    • puredog

      Anyone standing within 5 mm of him should JUMP BACK!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      He sounds like he’s selling a timeshare

      • Ryan Denniston

        And he needs cold medicine.

      • SDGeoff3

        All the time.

    • Yellerduck

      Can he pull off an erection without help from the Russians?

  • Master Contrail Program

    I guess Google doesn’t believe the children are our future. I googled “terrible awards” and the first post is the Razzies, but the first few images are from the Teen Choice Awards.

    • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

      Teens aren’t children, they’re filthy animals

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Pisto75666

      Oops! Someone pushed the wrong button. Sorry, won’t happen again!

    • Ryan Denniston

      You know, Tiny Tim’s crutch could have also been used as a bargaining chip.

    • sarafina

      That first headline WAS refreshing!

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    So I haven’t used my gym membership in, well, a long damn time. So I just cancelled it and increased my monthly donation to Lula’s vet bill by the same amount. Go Wonkette! I may not lose any weight, but I’ll stay relatively sane. Thanks for all the dick jokes and cakes that we like.

    • cmd resistor

      Well, according to Trump, you’ll save yourself a knee replacement (which is what happens to people who work out at the gym, by age 55).

    • OutOfOrbit

      donut anyone like sideboob nanymoar ?

    • Master Contrail Program

      I justify my gym donation while not ever going by saying that’s 4-18 fewer beers a month I can purchase, depending on where and what I buy. I must have saved tens of thousands of calories by this point.

      That said, if/when my patronage ever reaches the $5000 mark I will demand to have my name engraved on a thighmaster or exercise ball.

    • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

      Thanks for all the dick cakes and jokes we like.

  • ariel_gee_398

    Every part of this is terrifying, but I can’t get past the fact that he prints out tweets. Is this the oldest Cabinet ever?
    https://twitter.com/splinter_news/status/953984477323321345

    • Roadstergal

      Slightly less coherent than reading chicken entrails.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Ezekiel 21:26: “For the king of Babylon stands at the parting of the way, at the head of the two ways, to use divination; he shakes the arrows, he consults the household idols, he looks at the liver.”

        I’ve been wanting to use that quote for years, thanks for giving me the opportunity. Change “household idols” to “household idiots” and it applies perfectly to our current White House.

        • Roadstergal

          And change Babylon to Babble On. The Bible is filled with accurate prophecy!

          ETA: Looking at the liver – that’s Bannon, right?

    • weejee
    • SayItWithWookies

      Also — Tillerson doesn’t print them out himself — he has an aide do it. I imagine he was one of those CEOs who didn’t even have a computer on his desk. I was finishing up a software project once and one of the other developers suggested we get real users to test it. “In fact,” he said, “we should find the least computer-literate person in the building to see if they can use it.”
      “There’s no reason to wake up the CEO just for that,” I said. Didn’t go over quite as well as I had expected — a humorless bunch, IT folks.

      • I’m an IT. I can make ITs laugh. Usually the female ones only, though.

    • puredog

      Well, he doesn’t have a Twitter account, so he has little choice.
      Not having a Twitter account my own self, I can support this call.

      • ariel_gee_398

        You don’t need a twitter account to view a profile or tweet.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Dammit, damn you ! I thought you had actually won something at the fakies awards. I was like “Donald Trump knows Wonkette ?!!?! Woohoo !!!” But no, he doesn’t. Of course he doesn’t. Pity, because it would have made his fakies awards far less lame than they were. Even business awards are more fun than that.

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    There is no black lab moping in the background of the DR pic. It’s FAKE!!!!

  • Nounverb911

    A big MAZEL TOV to you all!

  • Ryan Denniston

    Yah Trump, about that AVERAGE $4000 per household increase in income, you’re lucky your dumbshit supporters don’t know what a median is. For now.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      If they ever figure out how to do basic math…

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I don’t get why people think math is so hard. Little children can do it. I was a whiz at it when I was 14. Of course, now I’m 61 and I don’t remember any of it. Isosceles Triangle? Is that in the Caribbean somewhere?

        • chicken thief

          Pffft. Isosceles is one them Greek werds, so clearly it’s in Mediterranean. Or in Cleveland. There’s lots a Greeks in Cleveland.

    • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

      They were told there’d be no math. Just a lot of meth

    • Beelzebubba

      200 schlubs get $0.50 each, one rich fuck gets $803,900. The math checks out, but Trumptards ain’t too good at math.

      • mohave rocky

        Please, no “tard”s . Try Trumpster or RWNJ .

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          trumpencezee works for me.

    • Roadstergal

      They _are_ all mean.

    • President in Exile Firefly

      They’re certainly not normal.

  • Nounverb911

    Donnie in his speech finally mentioned Saccone’s existence then droned on about his accomplishments….

    https://twitter.com/markknoller/status/954082055213772801

  • Pisto75666
  • I’d like to propose that all wonker’s can become Wonkette employees for the purpose of establishing a GROUP for insurance purposes.

    Sure, we’d likely be ultra-high risk but so is living in todays trumpworld.

    • Nounverb911

      I seem to remember some sort of retirement plan from when Gawker owned the Wonkette.

      • Master Contrail Program

        Sure, but who gets to scratch all those tickets?

        • weejee

          And all those shares in the Awl.

    • H0mer0

      a number of years ago when I was a wee trainee, a friend in AA asked about a blood bank for one of the AA/NA clubs and I thought “yeah, if you want to select for a group with the most blood borne pathogens”

  • Ryan Denniston

    Big difference. Vas deferens.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Go Huskies! Go Nads!

    • Rags

      At first glans, at least……

    • thixotropic jerk

      That non-comment left me prostate

    • President in Exile Firefly

      I feel like you’re just giving us the shaft here.

  • Zippy W Pinhead
    • Lord Jim

      And doubtless Tump’s base is proud of this fact, imagining that Porky is being persecuted for his beliefs. Trumpian Republicanism is politicized oppositional-defiant disorder.

    • TJ Barke

      We already know Donnie’s fond of foreign criminals.

    • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

      Hunkies In Da’ House!!11!1!11!11

  • Ryan Denniston

    Ok MSNBC, at this point, there is no point in watching you instead of Fox. Cut away from Trump.

  • Michael R

    Laugh In’s ” Flying Fickle Finger Of Fate ”
    ( versions turn up on Ebay occasionally )

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8b3b06b4e318e6ff84fc198eb90908e308dcbb1344ea66ba44c154386cc9eccd.jpg

  • Nasty Candy Apple

    Needz MOAR Blingee!!

    • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

      Doesn’t everything?

  • Nounverb911
    • Lord Jim

      PERFECT.

    • Roadstergal

      UNFAKE NEWS.

    • Doug Langley

      Wait – he’s already on a statin med and still his cholesterol’s too high?

      • H0mer0

        I keep seeing conflicting guidelines about whether you should check the levels or start them on a statin and monitor only once. He looks like he would need a PCSK9 inhibitor (I leave that to the cardiologists.)

    • SadDemInTex

      Can easily be reversed to : Cognitive issues, no heart

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      I’ll bet a cookie it was deliberately written that way.

  • cmd resistor

    So, Connecticut governor not happy with the Fake News Awards.
    “The modern-day Republican party seems to have taken a page out of the 20th century fascist regime propaganda playbook. The primary purpose of today’s theater regarding ‘fake news’ awards is to bully and intimidate members of an independent press who seek to report the facts.
    “Democracy does not exist without a free and independent press. When our nation’s founders drafted the United States Constitution, they intentionally and with unequivocal purpose had the foresight to include as its first amendment one of the preeminent attributes that make ours the greatest country in the world – freedom of speech and freedom of the press. It’s written clear as day and with good reason, largely because history has not been kind to nations that do not value the importance a free press in regards to upholding the true principles of democracy and the freedom of its people.
    “At a time when the relevance of a free press is being challenged by some, I want to thank those who have dedicated their careers to the profession of journalism. Journalists, in large part, receive little recognition for the contributions they bring to our communities. But it is because of them that our democracy continues to thrive, and the voice of the people continues to be heard. The work of journalists is a public service that is fundamental to our free and democratic society.””
    http://portal.ct.gov/Office-of-the-Governor/Press-Room/Press-Releases/2018/01-2018/Gov-Malloy-Statement-on-President-Trumps-Fake-News-Awards

    • Lord Jim

      Hear, hear!

    • pstokk

      Good on him for specifying the Republicans rather than getting distracted by the *president.

    • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

      Is this his way of announcing his 2020 run?

  • Wackyland Radio Resistor

    “Super secret sexxxxual platform?” Are we mature enough to handle it?

    • bbayliss

      Hope not.

      • puredog

        I plan to fondle, not handle.

    • Iron Monkey

      No.

      • Wackyland Radio Resistor

        Can’t wait!!!

      • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

        It really was a silly question

    • vukojebina_MΩment

      Spoiler: It’s a trampoline!

  • Belasaurius

    how does one increase their subscription money throwing?

    • rebecca

      if it’s paypal, it’s pretty easy; log in to paypal and they will let you do it there (or cancel and start over). If it’s stripe, teh credit card one, email me and i’ll help you cancel the old!

    • InDogsWeTrust

      Or get a second subscription, like I did.

  • like really RESISTLY GHERKINS!
    • thixotropic jerk

      “And the winner for ‘shortest, smallest, quickest, most overpaid for sex act(s? NO! More than oncet? So wrong!) while fantasizing about a relative whose name rhymes with Sri Lanka goes to–“

  • GRH

    No surprise that Russia Insider is loving Trumps attack on the free press.

    http://russia-insider.com/en/love-him-or-loathe-him-trump-liberating-us-all-empires-lies/ri22177

  • vukojebina_MΩment

    Good thing comments are not allowed, or there would be no keeping up with all the “Not News”, “Not true” awards (aka “Notsies”) awarded to the non-commenters from this site…

  • chicken thief

    Speaking of dick jokes, Christie blocked from using VIP entrance at Newark airport…

    https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2018-01-18/mortal-again-christie-blocked-at-vip-entrance-to-newark-airport

    • Villago Delenda Est

      How far the mighty have fallen!

    • sarafina

      He seems nice for a walking POS.

    • Zyxomma

      The Outlaw Jersey Whale had to stand on line! I’ll bet his outsized Depends were full.

      • H0mer0

        I want to upvote this based on its cleverness but trying to cut down on the fat shaming

  • Mavenmaven

    I suppose we’ll hear a lot more about fakies when Stormy Daniels tells us about her time with Trump.

    • John Thorstensen

      “It went in, it went out. You can’t explain it.”

      • Trumpsters_are_fools

        shit John, I don’t want to imagine it! no matter how short (in time/length/girth whatever) it was for her!

        • John Thorstensen

          My apologies for the image. The O’Reilly parallel was too juicy to pass up.

  • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

    It was like that Ralphie moment with the Little Orphan Annie secret decoder ring: ‘B E S U R E TO D R I N K Y O U R O V A L T I N E,’ only more like ‘B E S U R E T O V O T E R E P U B L I C A N.’

    A crummy commercial!

  • blaid droog

    Please contribute early and often.
    Made me think of Quark, auctioning Vashs’ plundered antiquities from the Gamma Quadrant. “Remember to bid high and bid often”.
    I can’t afford that orb. Maybe I can go for that tacky dagger.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    YES! I increased my monthly donation. (New Year’s resolution)

    Also, I’m struck by how petty and trivial Liddle’ Baby Donnie’s “fake news awards” are. A photo mistakenly captioned as during instead of before one of his ego-boosting rallies; a tweet about the MLK bust in the Oval Office; and so forth. The reporters/outlets corrected and acknowledged the mistakes almost immediately.

    Compare that with, say, “Obama wiretapped my phone” which diverted FBI and other resources to investigate and refute. Or “Hillary got millions of fraudulent votes” which led to the fraudulent fraud commission’s sweep of personal data which, in turn, led to people unregistering from voter rolls to protect their privacy. Or “terrorists are pouring in from Mexico” which … OH GO FUCK YOURSELF LIDDLE’ BABY DONNIE!

  • Sakonyachen

    (Hell, it’s three minutes longer than you guys spend looking at porns in one sitting. LOL ZING!)

    Dammit Evan! Stop watching me in the bathroom!!!

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      Did you look behind the mirror in the medicine cabinet for cameras?

  • Tony Prost

    Congratulations on your clean sweep! I am giving you a fake standing O (that means “ovation”, you dirty, dirty people!) as we speak!

    • John Robinson

      I give most of my ovations lying down, at my age. It’s sad, but a fact of life, that standing ovations are just harder and harder to manage as we get older. Alas! (That means “Sad!” if you’re not a complete putz.)

    • JustDon’tSayCamel

      So you couldn’t manage the other kind of standing O? Weak! Sad!

  • Last Hussar

    I can’t help but feel that these might be,well, fake.

  • Zyxomma

    Where’s killermartinis’s Fakie? And Dom’s?

    • IndianaKevin

      Did you not read the part of the headline that said, “Wonkette Wins ONE MILLION FAKIE AWARDS?” Do you HAVE ANY IDEA how hard it is to write about ONE MILLION anythings?! Do you KNOW how much time that takes?! Do you UNDERSTAND how many pixels have to DIE?!

      Me neither.

  • will there be coffee mugs and other assorted merchandise?

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      Just fake ones.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    What, no awards for all the fake comments?

    • I know. This has me all upset

    • Ω cynmac’s skipping the SOTU

      Comments which are not allowed also too.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      There are no comments on Wonkette, silly billy.

  • Rick Hill

    “….Wonkette Toddler Donna Rose, who, LOL SAD, didn’t even get a Fakie, because she’s not old enough to lie at you yet”

    Or, rather, she’s so good at lying, you don’t know it.

  • Poly_Ester

    self-aggrandizement at its BEST!

  • Jason Hollett

    I clicked, I clicked… As everyone knows, Evan only has eyes for Aaron Schock and/or the gaybie son of the new senator from AL, and also lives in the hinterlands, so donations only buy smarts, but they are worth it!

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      And Justin Trudeau, he has very good taste after all.

  • Leftflank

    Fake never ends. You get all the way to the end of fake and there’s a big wall with ‘nothing’ on the other side. Hmmm!

    I’m sending Wonkette a million large. Not really.
    I don’t have a million small : (

  • Garbageman

    Can we get a Fakie for worstest commenter too??? I can win that one!!!

    • H0mer0

      yeah and for derpiest shit-for-brains
      and least popular noncommenter (yay, this makes me not a loser! It’s like golf strokes…)

  • Amalga

    How could you leave out Domenic?

  • kLo
    • george lastrapes

      He cleaned my windshield once, wanted $500, but took a half an egg McMuffin.

      • kLo

        He’s a better negotiator than Trump, that I can tell you.

  • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

    I read that some Republicans are unhappy with RNC resources being used on the Fakies instead of on pushing the GOP agenda. So, good news?

  • Peripatetic Poltroon

    What the heck is that sparkly cholla thing emanating from the throne o’ gold? Maybe a parade of Kardashian brand sea urchins?

  • tehbaddr

    Not covered on Faux News! Fake!

  • Moar Wordz

    Are those for real ?
    The Fakies News awards ? With the gold toilet, etc ?
    Because he sounded like a parody of himself.

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