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Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today!

Missouri’s godawful governor Eric Greitens has admitted to an extramarital affair back in 2015, but he SWEARS he didn’t try to blackmail his mistress into shutting the fuck up by taking her into his basement, blindfolding her, then tying her to exercise equipment and taking naked photos of her.

During a presser with Norwegian Prime Minister Erna Solberg yesterday, President Trump repeatedly dodged questions about whether or not he’d sit down for a nice little chat with Robert Mueller and his justice league of extraordinary investigators.

IF Trump actually sits down to chat with Robert Mueller, he’s probably going to have some serious meat sweats.

Robert Mueller has brought on an expert cyber crimes prosecutor who nabbed the original Guccifer back in 2014, with observers wondering if Mueller is potentially bringing charges under the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act. [Morning Maddow]

There’s more evidence this morning about the White House altering official transcripts after a CBS producer looked for “collusion” on the White House website.

Somebody leaked the secret plan to kill Obamacare and win over House Freedom Crazies by using executive actions to systematically cut the legs out from under the ACA.

States will soon be allowed to force Medicaid recipients get jobs thanks to a new policy from the Trump administration that Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services admin Seema Verma calls an effort to help people achieve “self-sufficiency.”

The rumor mill on the Hill is that Republicans are going to bail on a budget after realizing that they don’t have enough votes to keep all the different hawks from flying off the rails.

Trump has suggested that Congress should rethink the ban on earmarks that were once used to grease the palms of skittish congress critters. Maybe Trump just wants the Bridge to Nowhere to lead to Russia?

About 100 7-Eleven stores across 17 states and DC suddenly became victims of a pre-dawn ICE “audit,” with one official calling it “a harbinger of what’s to come.”

The Trump administration is continuing to drag its feet on the opioid crisis as deadline for the 90-day public health emergency runs out.

UN officials are gossiping that Nikki Haley’s bombastic hardline speeches aren’t intended to keep Trump from throwing a tantrum, but that Haley is quietly building a base for a presidential run.

A new report from the IRS details how the agency has spent $20 million hiring private debt collectors to recover $6.7 million from poors who couldn’t pay their taxes to Uncle Sam.

Democrats are planning to protest Trump’s first State of the Union address later this month by either wearing black, or simply skipping another nationally televised display of “American carnage.”

The trafficking of firearms may soon become a lot easier if Trump’s White House transfers licensing of gun exports from the State Department to the Commerce Department.

Interior Secretary and grifty bastard Ryan Zinke is reorganizing the Department of the Interior, shifting staff, centralizing authority, and redrawing boundaries based on geographic basins rather than states, but the whole plan still needs congressional approval.

A video depicting a US soldier appearing to commit a drive-by shooting on Afghan civilians has spawned a military investigation of spec-ops soldiers. One veteran who viewed the video noted, “It may have been an operator not doing the right thing and firing a non-lethal round just to be a dick.”

Florida Governor Rick Scott might be butthurt about big oil companies ruining beachfront property, but that hasn’t stopped Florida from censoring words like “climate change” and “global warming” in official documents.

The DC City Council unanimously voted for the Boris Nemtsov Plaza Designation Act which renames the part of Wisconsin Ave. in front of the Russian Embassy to honor the Putin critic who was assassinated outside the Kremlin in February of 2015.

A bunch of sheriffs in Alabama are trying to hide how much money they spend on food for prisoners since there’s a law that says they can pocket the leftover cash, leading to allegations of abuse.

The woman who created the Shitty Men in Media list outed herself in a tweet instead of letting Harper’s dox her. Last night, she published a lengthy essay detailing WHY she made the list.

Fox News reporter James Rosen and WaPo’s Joel Achenbach have been accused of sexual misconduct. Rosen has left Fox while Achenbach is on a 90-day suspension without pay.

US ambassador to the Netherlands Pete Hoekstra held his first press conference, and it was dominated by the Dutch press trolling him with questions about “no-go zones” and “politicians that are being burned.” When Hoekstra refused to respond, one reporter stated, “This is the Netherlands, you have to answer questions.”

Ex-UKIP leader and Brexit fetishist Nigel Farage is now suggesting that maybe there should be another vote on Brexit since everyone is “whinging and whining and moaning all the way through this process.” What a cheeky bastard.

A security analyst has found a number of IP addresses belonging to the US Senate and Executive Office of the President visiting and posting messages and photos on a anonymous revenge porn site, some as recently as this past November.

Your crazy drunk uncle can take off his tinfoil hat now that science geeks have discovered last year’s creepy space pulses were likely from a collapsing neutron star. Of course, that’s what THEY want us to think…

The people of Rome can’t wait to turn their godawful $57,000 Christmas tree into a lactation hut, and some cheap souvenirs.

And here’s your late night wrap-up! Stephen Colbert wished Trump good luck at changing libel laws; Jimmy Kimmel noticed Trump told his 2,000th lie; Seth Meyers had another late night press briefing; The Daily Show talked about Trump’s mixed messages on immigration; Jordan Klepper learned how to write like the “alt-right”; and Samantha Bee railed against everyone for falling for Fire & Fury

And here’s your morning Nice Time! A grey seal pup!

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  • Nounverb911
    • weejee
  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    I loved this comment on Wapo’s Hoekstra article:

    To: The Honorable Peter Hoekstra, Ambassador of the United States of America to The Netherlands

    Mr. Ambassador,

    The country in which you currently have the honor to serve as Ambassador is one of the United States’ oldest allies: the Dutch Republic was second only to France in recognising the States’ independence. At a time when the Netherlands was considerably more powerful than the fledgling American republic, the economic and material aid it provided over decades was of crucial importance to your country’s growth. The office of Ambassador to the Netherlands has been held by men of stature, such as John Adams; and his house was the first American-owned embassy on foreign soil.

    Given that long and honorable history, Sir, the very least you can do while you are in post is to behave.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I raise a glass to your journalist countrymen.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        in my opinion what is best about it is this:
        https://twitter.com/kenneth1crook/status/951449500912115712

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          It’s a beautiful thing. It’s also called “doing your fucking job”. Hopefully a few of the cattle in the White House press room will take note.

  • Oblios_Cap
    • tza

      Last night my dad, who tends to take a long view of politics, loudly went “ISSA? Something big is up” when he saw it on the news.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Can it start being up already? I’m getting impatient.

      • SweetDeeKat

        Agree. He is way too craven to opt out without pressure.

  • Asterix

    Baby seals make the world a better place.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      And they are great fun if clubbing is your thing.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Boo!

      • Msgr_MΩment

        I used to go clubbing a lot in my youth, but then the SPCA got involved.

  • memzilla Ω

    Robert Mueller has brought on an expert cyber crimes prosecutor….

    Notice that he’s not a cyber crimes investigator, he’s a prosecutor.
    *rubs hands in gleeful anticipation*

    • It’s not hard to be a cyber crimes investigator — the general term is cyber security expert, some people call them “white hats.”

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      Mueller is creating a blokechain.

    • BadKitty904
    • Gayer Than Thou

      Finally! We’ll get to the bottom of Podesta’s risotto recipe!

      • Oblios_Cap

        What’s the real trick to making it so good?

        • Fartknocker

          I can tell you it is NOT Canned Clams.

          • Oblios_Cap

            YOU MONSTER!

        • OneYieldRegular

          A bolognese of children, d’uh.

        • grindstone

          The blood of your enemies.

  • WIDTAP
  • Oblios_Cap

    A new report from the IRS details how the agency has spent $20 million hiring private debt collectors to recover $6.7 million from poors who couldn’t pay their taxes to Uncle Sam.
    That’s a lot of bread to toss to the bottom feeders. Capitalism works!

    • OrG Unstable Genius

      Drain the swamp!

    • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

      If they started at the top instead of the bottom they could put a serious dent in the deficit.

  • BadKitty904

    A new report from the IRS details how the agency has spent $20 million hiring private debt collectors to recover $6.7 million from poors who couldn’t pay their taxes to Uncle Sam.

    Let me guess – the $20 million in our taxdollars spent to collect $6.7 million went to collection companies owned by Republican “campaign donors”?

  • Michael R
    • Oblios_Cap

      Doggone it!

    • janecita

      Oh no, poor puppy:-(

    • Ωbjectifier

      Anti-lock brakes are malfunctioning.

      • From Russia with Love

        “Glad you fuckers trimmed my toenails last week.”

      • Blanche de Shambles
        • SweetDeeKat

          My kitties love doing this. The throw rugs exist solely as cat decelerators.

    • OutOfOrbit

      and then what happened?

      • Gayer Than Thou

        And then the murders began.

    • OutOfOrbit

      that final expression says: “This was not my fault!”

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Trump does his “NO COLLUSION!!” routine about 20 fucking times a day. This is where the sheep in the White House press corps need to take a lesson from the Dutch press. “Excuse me, President Dickbreath, but it is an established fact that Dimwit Jr., Jared, and Manafort colluded with the Russians in that Trump Tower meeting. Why do you continue to lie about this, you lazy fat fuck?”

    • From Russia with Love

      you intellectually (and otherwise) lazy fat fuck

  • Nounverb911
  • BadKitty904

    Democrats are planning to protest Trump’s first State of the Union address later this month by either wearing black, or simply skipping another nationally televised display of “American carnage.”

    How much would we have to pay to get one of them to shout “YOU LIE!?

    • Tetman Callis

      Better yet, maybe 200 of them could stand up and shout it. As far as pay goes, we already pay them. Time they earned it.

    • janecita

      I have $20.00 in my wallet, but I need some of it for lunch, $14.00!

    • Mr. Blobfish

      My stars. Who would do such a thing? That would disrespect the office of the president.

      • BadKitty904

        Not in this instance, as America has no elected President.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Somebody should shout “TIMES UP!!”

    • nightmoth

      Oh please oh please oh please! You know, it took several days for that asshole from South Carolina to be censored for that.

      • BadKitty904

        “chastised”…

        (Personally – though it would be stopping to the Republicans’ level – I think your suggestion would garner the Dems quite a few votes)

  • Asterix

    Is there a count on how many rethugs are quitting? It’s interesting how many rats are abandoning the ship.

    • OrG Unstable Genius

      The swamp drains itself?

      • TundraGrifter

        No – the creatures see the storm clouds gathering in the distance. Winter 2018 is coming and they seek shelter now.

        • Spurning Beer

          They’re self-deporting.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Here is an article posted just yesterday:

      31 House Republicans are declining to seek re-election. The last time either party even came close to having this many representatives leave was 1994.

      https://shareblue.com/panicked-republicans-break-24-year-record-for-fleeing-house-ahead-of-midterms/#.WlY8YgFdges.twitter

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        They have their lifetime healthcare and a pension … who needs their dick pics published on twatter?

  • OneYieldRegular

    First they came for the Slurpees, and I did not speak out. Then they came for the Cheesy Gordita Crunches, and…

  • Oblios_Cap

    The trafficking of firearms may soon become a lot easier if Trump’s White House transfers licensing of gun exports from the State Department to the Commerce Department.

    They might as well just let the NRA set up shop in Commerce.

    • OneYieldRegular

      They effectively have just let the NRA – and the world’s arms dealers – set up shop in Commerce.

    • Scratch the surface of some “senior advisor” and that’s what you’ll find.

  • Bub, the like, cynical zombie
  • Oblios_Cap

    When Hoekstra refused to respond, one reporter stated, “This is the Netherlands, you have to answer questions.”

    So that’s how the press acts in a real democracy!

    • Werewolf

      And the Netherlands is actually a (constitutional) monarchy!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Why won’t you stop talking about Hillary?

    • BadKitty904

      What else have they got?

      • Duke

        Benghazi!

        Wait…

        • BadKitty904

          See?

  • Nounverb911
    • Oblios_Cap

      I still don’t miss him. But I will say he’s better than the idiot in the office now.

      • Arolpin

        The difference is that W was a fundamentally decent man, without a lot of intelligence. Drumpf is a fundamentally horrible man with significantly less intelligence.

        • therblig

          michelle obama likes him, so yeah, he can’t be all bad.

          mostly, but not all.

      • Major^3 Andre

        He was a moran. Darth Cheney told him exactly what to do, and he derpsperately wanted to finish up his Daddy’s war, but he was at least a genuine person.

    • Meccalopolis

      nah, he’ll just insult the recipients with ethnic slurs

  • Nounverb911
  • Mr. Blobfish

    Baby Grey Seal Walk?

    • Meccalopolis

      baby grey seal perp walk

  • Latverian Diplomat

    The rumor mill on the Hill is that Republicans are going to bail on a budget after realizing that they don’t have enough votes to keep all the different hawks from flying off the rails.

    I feel like there’s a mixed metaphor in there, somewhere, but I haven’t had my coffee yet.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Is that good? How do we avoid default if that happens?

      • tomamitai

        Go around default line?

      • Latverian Diplomat

        I think bail in this case just means throw together another continuing resolution. Ordinarily, that would pass with Dem votes, but there is talk of them not doing that without progress on DACA, so stay tuned I guess?

        • sarafina

          If the Dems hold firm on “no wall $” I think there may be a shutdown, without a CR. Cornyn was saying he thinks CHIP will be funded around the 19th, but he lies like a rug.

      • bupkus231

        The “budget resolutions” are only blueprints for the appropriations bills for specific areas ( like defense or HHS ) to be drafted and passed.

        Default is only if they fail to extend ( or remove ) the “debt ceiling” – which is separate from the budget or appropriations….

        So, when they say there’s a Jan 18th “deadline” to pass a spending bill and keep the government operating, they’re NOT talking about “default” – just that specific authorization for additional spending stops – except that spending for “essential” stuff continues…

    • Mr. Blobfish

      The train is heading towards the waterfall.

      • OneYieldRegular

        Ol’ 97 went in the wrong hole, now there’s blood on the tracks and blood on the coal.

    • OneYieldRegular

      It just means that there’s a train swooping down the path to the nest of spiders, and if people don’t clear the benches it’s going to sting them like a bee.

    • grindstone

      I read it four times….

    • bupkus231

      Hmmm – I seem to remember all the times the GOP crowed about the Democrats not passing a budget resolution ( because of GOP obstructionism ) – and also how they hated “continuing resolutions”.

      Guess they don’t seem so bad, now, eh muthafukers?

  • BadKitty904
  • William
    • Duke

      If the president said to do it, it’s not illegal.

    • From Russia with Love

      Do you think Hannity still convinces himself?

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I’ve read the article, and I still don’t understand how or why you would turn a dead Christmas tree into a lactation hut.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • YoBunnyBunny

      You are so ruining my current orange creamsicle obsession…

      Thanks…

      • tomamitai

        What’s that cocktail that’s supposed to taste like a creamsicle? I think the ingredients include Southern Comfort and your last shred of dignity.

    • Nockular cavity

      Orange creamsicle libel!

  • ariel_gee_398
    • Oblios_Cap

      Coal mines liked little workers back in the day.

      • ariel_gee_398

        Little hands are great for assembling tech – hint hint, Tim Cook.

        • Duke

          So that’s where the workers will come from for the big Foxcon plant. Thanks, Paul Ryan!

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Ask Drublic Jr. about this. He was the victim of forced child labor at the hands of a braying tyrant.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      That driving range at Mar-a-Lago is going to retrieve those balls by itself.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Blind Item: This morning, a certain convenience store chain is regretting its decision not to give generously to the Trump Campaign…

    • BadKitty904

      Or give more generously to the Dems.

    • cmd resistor

      Now that I think of it, it was 7-11 people here who gave out free coffee to people waiting in line to see Hillary last October.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    he SWEARS he didn’t try to blackmail his mistress into shutting the fuck up by taking her into his basement, blindfolding her, then tying her to exercise equipment and taking naked photos of her

    Who was it, Sam Rayburn? LBJ? Who used to accuse their opponents of fucking pigs just so they’d have to deny being a pigfucker?

    I swear the current crop of Republicans are tripping over themselves to admit being a pigfucker because it’s so much more acceptable than what they actually did.

    • Oblios_Cap

      But his wife has forgiven him and it’s made their marriage stronger.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Hell, imagine what _she_ has on him.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      “The pig said it was consensual!”

      • From Russia with Love

        And consequential!

    • Dude can fuck right off. I don’t scare easily, but watching the state cops, on his orders, allow drunk rednecks and suburbanites in the wealthy super-white St. Louis ‘brubs berate and assault BLM protesters and journalists over the summer was one of the more terrifying situations I’ve been in. And let me tell you, I’ve seen some shit. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0d9ca03920c40aa46245191d7b3d3dcfda7ba2799d13c92584b7f508fe61140d.gif

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I just wonder if these people were acculturated to be sociopaths or if they were just briefly shamed into pretending they weren’t.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Classic LBJ.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Oblios_Cap

    Missouri’s godawful governor Eric Greitens has admitted to an extramarital affair back in 2015, but he SWEARS he didn’t try to blackmail his mistress into shutting the fuck up by taking her into his basement, blindfolding her, then tying her to exercise equipment and taking naked photos of her.

    Truly, Missouri is the “Show Me” state!

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Latverian Diplomat

    “If Mr. Trump does testify, I recommend he go with Dick Cheney. Dick does the best hand-holding. When I testified about 9/11, I was holding onto my Dick the whole time.”
    — George W. Bush

  • Bill D. Burger
  • TundraGrifter

    “Missouri’s godawful governor Eric Greitens has admitted to an extramarital affair back in 2015, but he SWEARS he didn’t try to blackmail his mistress…”

    Once again a woman is called a “mistress.” Did Greitens financially support her? Put her up in her own crib? It does appear they were having an affair – it doesn’t appear that she was his mistress.

    • From Russia with Love

      In fairness they should call him her fuckstick.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Well, most publications are squeamish about calling a woman somebody’s fuck bunny.

      • From Russia with Love

        Punch monkey?

  • Bill D. Burger
    • tomamitai

      Where do the catheter ads fit in? Other than the obvious place, you dirty minded Wonkers.

  • memzilla Ω
  • Bill D. Burger
    • YoBunnyBunny

      I’m assuming this will be Kushner’s disguise when he finally realizes time is up and it’s time to flee the country…

      • From Russia with Love

        If his ass was bigger they might just confuse him for his wife and arrest him anyway.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Would Trump tap dat ass?

  • ariel_gee_398

    She looks lovely for someone who has had her face eaten by a leopard.
    https://twitter.com/charlesbethea/status/951234422245855232

    • Nounverb911

      So much WINNING!

    • Fartknocker

      Elections have consequences. I’m sorry she’s going through this.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      “How could we possibly have known he would lie to us?”

    • From Russia with Love

      She voted for Trump. With all the sympathy I can muster, too fucking bad sweetheart.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Maybe she can apply for one of those thousands of coal mine jobs that have come back.

    • Arolpin

      Bless her heart.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Has she considered moving to Mexico and taking a pay cut?

    • therblig

      so, trumpy reneeged on a deal?

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Say it ain’t so!

      • Opiwan

        He only reneges on the BEST, BIGLYEST deals

    • YoBunnyBunny

      There might be some openings at 7-Eleven now that we’re getting rid of those illegals who’ve been stealing all the jobs.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Lots of jobs in the orchards, vegetable fields, and slaughterhouses.

        • sarafina

          Somebody needs to operate those portable leaf-blowers to keep the sidewalks clear!

      • cmd resistor

        Yeah, all 21 of them.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Normally, I don’t like to mock other people’s misfortunes, but I really want to meet this woman face-to-face, and call her a fucking idiot.

      “You fucking idiot. What were you thinking? You really believed that Trump cared about you, and wasn’t just exploiting you for his campaign? And you live in Indiana. How stupid are you, exactly?”

  • mfp, stable genius

    khaa-ryst, jobs for medicaid recipients….these dumb mothafuckas will never realise (or just dont care) that 98% of medicaid recipients either already have a shitty low-paying job or are on disability and unable to work🙄…my capacity to contain rage at the burning stupid has reached its limit

    • ariel_gee_398

      The number of non-disabled, non-aged adults who don’t work and receive Medicaid is so tiny. Let’s expend a fuckload of government resources shaming them!

      • SweetDeeKat

        I’ve never seen one. The few that look able-bodied usually have serious mental illnesses and need super-strong meds.

    • From Russia with Love

      Get onboard, mfp. Alls we gotta do is wring a couple trillion dollars out of the disabled and poor, and we’re in the shit!

      • mfp, stable genius

        imma pickin….and he’s a-wringin!

    • Me not sure

      Nursing homes will make get sweat shops.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Zackly. Which is why my liquor store bills have skyrocketed this past year.

    • grindstone

      That was the item that made me gnash my teeth. Do these imbeciles have any *idea* what the cost is of an accident or random big illness is, vs the pay of any entry-level job. Not even taking into account the cost of food and housing?

      Reform the cost of health care, reform the insurance system to socialized medicine, and in addition to a healthier, more productive work force, the number of lawsuits would reduce dramatically. Some people have to sue for damages after an accident just to ward of bankruptcy due to medical bills.

      • mfp, stable genius

        yup, alla dat, but esp…the insurance mafia must die

        • grindstone

          Seems so simple, and yet it’s more difficult to kill than Alien.

  • Iron Monkey

    “It’s not a good idea, and it’s illegal.”

    True not only of work requirements for Medicaid recipients but of this whole fucking administration.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Nounverb911

      But, but, but do they still get their Obamacare for life?

      • Asterix

        Yup, and full pension too… which we pay for. Right now the base salary for a House member is $174k. Most of us (media US income $56k) survive on far less, without guaranteed health insurance. More of us should run for office.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      It appears a surprising number of Tennesseans are leaving.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Reverse Volunteers.

      • sarafina

        Foxx or Blackburn? Two women who should never have power.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      In a rare bit of reporting, NPR said a lot of these folks are chairpersons of plum committees, but they were going to have to give up those positions next term (something about term limits for chairpersonss, is that new? some Republican thing?)

      So, if they don’t get to be big wheels anymore, they want to leave.

      • Antonin Dvorak

        Committee chairs rotate every few years; I think the sheer number of retirees portend something larger.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Leave now or learn how to surf the Blue Tsunami.

    • BadKitty904
    • YoBunnyBunny

      We can haz lobby gig now?

    • SadDemInTex

      My spousal unit pointed out that they may be merely waiting in the wings for the initial fallout to subside and then they will be back (unless the grift from the private sector is immense).

      • Major^3 Andre

        It would need to be a giant fuckin’ pie o’ grift to be split that many god damn ways. The wingnut welfare circuit is gonna get awfully acrimonious next year.

    • Dr. Jo

      These “retirees” will be laughing all the way to the offshore bank with their plunder.

  • Nounverb911
    • Oblios_Cap

      Since he’s not a diplomat or Ecuadorian, that was the proper call.

      • therblig

        so, he’s what, an illegal immigrant?

        • Oblios_Cap

          Evict!

        • Blanche de Shambles

          I think, technically, he’s a house elf.

          • therblig

            Skreacher?

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
  • Mr. Blobfish

    We now return to the thrilling conclusion of “The Birth Certificate Is Fake” starring Sheriff Joe

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
  • YoBunnyBunny

    SQUEEEEEEEE!!!!

    That baby seal pup is just a jiggly, flubby lump of squiggly cuteness!!

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Duke

    Another day, another shitstorm of lies!

  • Bill D. Burger
    • therblig

      nope, she’s killed [dr. evil] one million [/dr.evil] people.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Major^3 Andre

      and it was TWO (2) grand juries what were impaneled…

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Welcome back to the studio

    Welcome back, my friends,
    To the shitshow that never ends,
    We’re so glad you could attend.
    Step inside, step inside.

    There beside the stool,
    We’ve a sight to make you drool:
    Scaracmucci and a mule.
    Keep it cool, keep it cool.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Yeah…so…
    Thanks the fuck a LOT, Gillibrand!

    https://www.democraticunderground.com/100210084695

    • bupkus231

      Instead of Gillibrand, why aren’t you cursing out the Rump administration for being pigheaded assholes who renominate a reject?

      Seems to me that jumping straight to Gillibrand’s role in getting Franken ousted us just “normalizing” the Rump administration, and “giving up” on resisting…

      • MynameisBlarney

        OK.
        I curse them every day. All fucking day.
        Gillibrand was the loudest one insisting Franken resign if I’m not mistaken.
        On very very weak accusations.
        If you think I’m normalizing turmp and giving up on resisting, perhaps you should take a look at my posting history.

        • bupkus231

          I suppose you ain’t giving up on resisting – but turning on Gillibrand because the Republicans re-nominated a shithead whom Al Franken has exposed is just wrong. Even if Franken was still in the Senate, you cannot say that the GOP would not have re-nominated this shitbird ( I believe they’ve re-nominated a few shitbirds, not just the one that Franken exposed ).

          I don’t even care if you dislike Gillibrand – just don’t blame her because the Republicans are assholes. What are you going to say if SHE ends up blocking this nominee? She’s already blocking an asshole buddy of Rudy Giuliani’s whom Rump has nominated to replace Preet Bharara.

          • MynameisBlarney

            If she ends up blocking this nominee then I’ll be dining on crow.

        • sarafina

          You are not being helpful. Move the fuck along. I don’t think Franken should have resigned, but he did. No one had the power to make him if he had wanted to stay for the investigation. Once again, a man (YOU) is whining about how he has nothing against women in power, just not THAT woman. Sounds like the bullshit the Russians/Republicans promoted against HRC for decades. Or outrage that sexual harassment is FINALLY getting noticed as the evil it is.

          Which is it?

          • MynameisBlarney

            LOL, ok.
            Since I’m “whining” about how Franken was fucking railroaded and forced out on flimsy evidence with no due process I’m a fuckin Russian/Republican now or pissed that sexual harassment is getting called out? No grey areas, eh?

            Talk about not being helpful.

            You “ma’am”, can go forth and fornicate thyself.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Nounverb911

    Breaking!
    (Not really)

    Trey Gowdy to retire and return to his natural plant like self.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c1563b3179718691af7170b73cf61b6d3364e3fe5452499cd70d5fdf4bd9925c.jpg

  • Bec Jenn

    Holy hell is today’s list so very depressing. I think we needed two videos minimum of cute baby animals. Anyone got any? Methinks this is my cue to escape into games, or books, or television for the day,

  • TundraGrifter

    “Ex-UKIP leader and Brexit fetishist Nigel Farage is now suggesting that maybe there should be another vote on Brexit since everyone is ‘whinging and whining and moaning all the way through this process.’”

    So folks in another country are also tired of all this whinging!

  • Christopher Story
    • Bill D. Burger

      “Strange. He knows I can see those tweets. Right?” ___ Mueller (*probably)

      • YoBunnyBunny

        “But I BLOCKED him!!!!”
        ~DJT

        bwhhahahahahahahahahahaaa!!!

  • therblig

    i don’t think there’s any doubt that nikki is currently running for president:

    southern state: check
    executive experience: check
    international experience: acquiring
    dangerous wingnut: check

    • but she pulled down a Confederate flag! That’s worth, like, 10 karma points.

      • ariel_gee_398

        She thinks to herself, “You got this, girl. You’ve nailed down the black vote!”

        • mfp, stable genius

          keep thinkin, nikki

      • cmd resistor

        How many karma points does one need?

    • Christopher Story

      It sickens me to think that she could be the first woman president.

      • Spurning Beer

        America’s first sorority president.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Plus she has affairs with bloggers. Allegedly.
      Good news for Dom!

  • jesuswasablack

    “The Trump administration is continuing to drag its feet on the opioid crisis”
    https://cdn.newsday.com/polopoly_fs/1.15880551.1515199242!/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/display_600/image.jpg

  • freakishlypersistent

    Could someone remind the game show host that he’s a public servant? He isn’t allowed to not answer questions. (In the Netherlands).

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Nounverb911
    • Oblios_Cap

      People who say that as much as he does are always lying.

  • Bill D. Burger

    The entire Republican Party and his cabinet has a pair….but not the ‘pair’ they need to grow.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DTNL-9TXkAAnuem.jpg

  • Belasaurius

    renaming that street is some A plus level trolling. I salute the DC Council for their middle finger flagdown to the Russians.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Major^3 Andre

      If I was a) knowledgeable about photoshop, and 2) not too lazy to learn it, I would make a similar one with the tagline “Stable genius Horse’s Ass”

  • Bub, the like, cynical zombie
    • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

      We need to protect our phony baloney jobs, gentlemen!

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Ghenghis McCann

      Why are there two horse’s heads and one horse’s ass in the picture?

    • Kiri the Like, Smart Unicorn

      Horse libelz.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Prediction: It will become obvious that Greitens is completely guilty of what he’s accused of, the good Christian Republicans won’t care, and he will remain in office. Meanwhile, a Democratic Missouri official will be forced to resign over a jay-walking scandal that never happened.

    • Cock Blockula

      Especially if he cries and goes on TV to say that Jesus has forgiven him.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Jesus is the only one who counts for Republicans, and He always forgives Republicans, or so they say.

  • Ali | A Grumpy Cat

    Everyone I know who is on Medicaid is currently a) working or b) a foster child. MAYBE SUPPORT THESE PEOPLE GETTING PAID MORE YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT.

    • Ellie

      Most of the people I know receiving Medicaid are old white women in nursing homes. But, they are rarely mentioned – although Paul Ryan dreams every night about killing them.

      • Me not sure

        That!☝

      • nightmoth

        Yes, the Republican legislature in North Carolina was making noises about my 104 year old aunt last year: enough to make me call them and threaten to put her on a bus and send her to their offices in Raleigh if they kicked her out of assisted living. Apparently, somebody explained to them just who was on Medicaid and they shut up. I expect I’ll have more calls to make with this latest posturing.

    • Kateaux

      And many people on Medicaid (myself included; my Medicaid pays my Medicare premiums and that is…significant) are disabled and would like nothing better than to be ABLE to work again.

    • Of the approximately 600 people i’ve signed up for medicaid, i would estimate that less than 20 of them were able bodied and not working or in school.

      This is just shaming bullshit.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Kateaux

      That is scary-depressing, that is.

  • Bill D. Burger

    The “new” faces of the Republican Party:

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DTQfkTLWAAANwVT.jpg

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Ghenghis McCann

      That’s bound to be even thicker than my copy of the ‘Complete Works of William Shakespeare.’

      • Me not sure

        Is there a Cliff Notes edition?

        • Doug Langley

          That IS the Cliff Notes edition.

          • Me not sure

            I still have my “Complete Works” from college. It has lots of notes scribbled in it and copious doodles in the margins.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Nounverb911

    “Hillary CLinton? Never heard of her.”
    –Kellyanne Conjob

    https://twitter.com/RVAwonk/status/951292680155402241

    • MynameisBlarney

      The fact that they’re so ready to lie when their lies are so easy to point out each and every time they lied tell shows that they’re really not very smart.

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        I think it means that they don’t care what the truth is, and neither do their supporters.

    • cmd resistor

      Geez, last night made the mistake of stopping by CNN to see Kellyanne and Cuomo yelling at each other endlessly.

  • Bub, the like, cynical zombie
  • Nounverb911
    • Stulexington

      Naw, he’ll insist someone get more, probably adding “what do I pay you people for” even though he has nothing to do with their salaries (tax payers pay them.)

  • Carpe Vagenda

    That article about Trump testifying for Mueller in Politico is a riot

    On the other hand, Trump also has a habit of engaging in repetitive but incoherent rants. These are client traits that form the basis for lawyers’ nightmares, and it will be incumbent upon the president’s legal team to smooth over these verbal tics to the best they can.

    The client rambles like a schizophrenic homeless character from Law and Order. We like to call it a tic.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Okay, Wonkette:
    It may be because I’m running such a fever that I have the door to the outside open. It may be that I’m on day 4 of the flu. It may be that I finished reading Colson Whitehead’s “Underground Railroad” last night and didn’t sleep.
    But honestly . . . when you make me slap my forehead and say OH MY GAWD seven times on the Wonkagenda post, that’s just too. damn. many.
    And I am now cranky.

    • Bec Jenn

      Yup, today’s list was just too much. Hope you feel better soon.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • nightmoth

      Yes, this. You know how cops throw the book at somebody they really, really want in jail and will arrest them on everything they can, including jaywalking? Let it be so with Trump.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Jaywalking is probably the only thing he won’t be charged with. As if he would walk anywhere.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          Jay-golfcarting?

        • Crystalclear12

          Obstructing traffic.
          He was standing in the middle of 5th Avenue when he shot our democracy.

      • So many crimes to choose from, which ones will get the quickest convictions?

      • Paul Dietzel

        Everyone always talks about how they got Capone for tex evasion because they couldn’t prove the real heinous (St.Valentines day Massacre, anyone?) things he had done. Similar thing with Jimmy Burke; got sentenced for the BC point-shaving scandal because he’d killed nearly everyone who could have testified about the Lufthansa theft at JFK. If you get the chance, watch “Playing For The Mob” sometime on 30/30. Same cast of “characters” as “Goodfellas”; Henry Hill etc.

      • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

        Your mouth to God’s ear. Or Mueller’s, whichever gets the job done quickest.

        • Mentally Stable Ron

          Mueller’s rack record is WAY better.

      • greyXstar

        Just happened to my sister. She had a warrant for failing to appear for a traffic ticket, and was arrested for jaywalking. Arrested. For jaywalking. America can be stupid.

        • sarafina

          Why didn’t she appear for the traffic ticket?

          • greyXstar

            She’s not the sharpest knife in the block.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
  • nightmoth

    Frankly, I would like to put a tinfoil hat ON and hope that an invasion of enlightened space aliens will save us.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    As a person who works in a business with a LOT of customers who are on some form of public assistance, I’d just like to say that there’s no real way to take a man who is 55 or so years old, weighs 350 lbs (at a guess, possibly a low guess) and is missing one leg due to diabetes and make him find and hold a job in order to continue to receive Medicaid. I’m not trying to age-, fat- or disease-shame the man – but I would like to shame-shame the person who thinks forcing him to die of a preventable disease flare after you take away his health care is a way to give him “self sufficiency.”

    • I live in an area with a lot of people getting Medicaid or extremely reduced (even free) health insurance due to the ACA. Quite a number of them do work, but the problem is that the only jobs available for them are seasonal ones, which don’t have benefits. Add to that the number of people who are disabled, or to be honest, unemployable, and doing this sort of stuff is just ridiculous.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Not to mention all the Walmart employees who are on Medicaid due to Walmart’s shitty wages and benefits.

        • sarafina

          I just heard on NPR Walmart is raising their minimum wage to $11/hour. No, I don’t think that’s enough.

    • Courser_Resistance

      I’m in a catch-22. As long as I’m unemployed, I can get Medicaid. When I take a contract job, I can’t afford to pay for insurance because I make ‘too much’ to get a subsidy, so the premiums eat up 10%+ of my income on top of 20% tax withholding. Who can afford to lose 30% of their income? Plus, when I’ve had private insurance, I couldn’t afford to use it on top of the premiums. I’m better off going without and doing to doc-in-the-box to get my prescriptions renewed.

      • Hollandaise

        I lose 33% for taxes + HC as an employee with a median income for my area – and that’s with a $2,700/$4,000 deductible. Pretty normal, alas.

      • When you go to MP, you are annualizing your income right? And you can deduct business expenses for your modified adj income.

        (I say this b/c it’s unusual for folks to ping pong between medicaid and over 400% FPL)

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      Ridiculous + cruel[to the poors] = double+good for the GOP

    • Jeff Ackerman

      The standard GOP response is always “yea but_____________!” They like to believe on faith alone and never let facts get in the way.

  • Without “earmarks” we would never have had the opportunity to secure the highly coveted Teapot Museum. Clearly “earmarks” are jerb creators. The two geniuses Virginia Foxx and Richard Burr just knew this would work.

    From CBS in 2007:

    “It might sound far-fetched that a quirky collection of teapots would draw 60,000 tourists each year to Sparta, N.C., population 18,000. But the plan is being financed by your tax dollars.
    The Sparta Teapot Museum is the brainchild of avid teapot collectors Sonny and Gloria Kamm and North Carolina philanthropist Philip Hanes — as in Hanes underwear.

    “Why can’t there be a teapot hall of fame?” asked Sonny Kamm. “And we said, ‘why not!'”

    Sparta Town Manager Bryan Edwards admits it’s something of a gamble.

    When asked whether he thinks this teapot museum would really make a difference to the economy here, the mayor said, “That’s hard to say. Clearly it’s speculative; there are risks involved. We don’t have a track record.”

    But with the help of a few good Washington lobbyists, the Sparta Teapot Museum has gotten $400,000 in state funds and $500,000 from Congress.

    It’s nothing against teapots or the dream. Maybe tens of thousands of teapot-seeking tourists will flock into Sparta and spend millions of dollars. But the question is this: Why should your federal tax dollars be used for this local project?

    Attkisson asked Rep. Virginia Foxx, R-N.C., who, with Sen. Richard Burr, got the Teapot Museum its money. They also received several thousand dollars in campaign contributions from the project’s lobbyists.

    Foxx told us she’s simply claiming a share of the money Congress sets aside each year for such purposes, called “earmarks.””

    https://www.cbsnews.com/news/tempest-over-a-teapot-museum/

    Oh wait, nevermind.

    2010:

    SPARTA TEAPOT MUSEUM
    OF CRAFT & DESIGN WINDING DOWN OPERATIONS AND DISSOLVING

    The Board of Directors of the Sparta Teapot Museum of Craft & Design has determined that due to the economic downturn over the past 16 months and evaluation of future opportunities to raise enough funds to continue operation of a museum in Sparta, North Carolina, the organization will wind up its affairs and dissolve effective January 31, 2010.

    http://teapotmuseum.org/

    • Ghenghis McCann

      ‘I’m a little teapot,
      short and stout.
      Here’s my handle;
      and here’s my spout.’

      • “Tip me over and pour the money out!”

        • Jeffery Campbell

          You’re missing the best and most appropriate line: “When I get all steamed up, hear me shout!”

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        ‘I’m a little teapot,
        Short and stout.
        Here is my handle,
        Here is my… other handle?
        Oh, crap, I’m a sugar bowl.’

    • From Russia with Love

      In case you wonder where your endowment for the arts has gone.

    • sarafina

      So where did the $400K go?

      • To the rich couple who wanted the bloody thing to begin with I suppose.

  • cmd resistor

    Another busy day in DC. Maybe he can get the prisons in shape before he becomes a resident of one:
    schedule for Thursday, January 11th:
    · Prison reform roundtable
    · Meeting with National Security team

    • greyXstar

      How does he manage to get it all done??

  • jez

    interesting thing about nige farage, most of his supporters, and in fact most of the reactionary olds who voted to leave the eu are dying, they are dying at about 3 leave voters to every 1 remain voter. At the crrent rate most voters still alive in the UK will be remain voters by the end of next year. The tory government while sqwarking abot democracy refse to hold a second referendum because they know that the leave vote was a last gasp by a generation which went through the imperialist education system worship winston chrchill and still think the uk has an empire.

    • From Russia with Love

      Don’t count them out. We though our bigots and morons were dying out in the USA too…

    • Cornelius Fussbudget

      I think Nigel is starting to wonder if he may end up replacing Guy Fawks as the most reviled Briton in history.

      • Hesavebread!

        Margaret Thatcher took Fawkes’s crown decades ago.

        • Mentally Stable Ron

          ‘Penny for the Marg?’ just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

          • Hesavebread!

            I can’t believe it’s not Marge.

          • Teecha

            We’d probably say ‘penny for Maggie?’

          • Mentally Stable Ron

            Oh, of course. <slaps forehead, forgets he has hooves, knocks himself out for an hour or two>

          • Teecha

            Careful!

    • Hesavebread!

      In many cases yes, but Leavers are also sometimes the poor, white working class who don’t have jobs and blame immigrants for everything. Demographics are working in favour of Remain but the turnout among young voters wasn’t great. I have no idea how a second referendum would go, but the Remain campaign couldn’t be any worse than the last time.

    • Courser_Resistance

      With the crisis at NHS right now, they may be all wiped out by Spring.

    • Teecha

      All 3 of my parents voted leave. They’re not racists- 1 votes coz the MEPs are all pigs at the trough, and the other 2 coz they don’t like the way the EU deals with developing counties.

      I think they’re misguided.

      • jez

        there is a very good left wing argument about the eu being bad from a workers perspective in that it supports privatisation and austerity the real problem is that any discussion gets drowned ot by the right.From a left wing perspective the eu is no friend of the working class but you wont hear that argment from MSM

        • Teecha

          On the other hand, many of the workers’ rights the uk has come from the EU

          It definitely needs work on issues, on expenses, on the treatment of Greece, on the relationship with Turkey, the refugees who flee to Europe. And so on. But I would rather be part of a big club, trying to change and improve it, than outside on a piddly little island trying to find people to trade with.

  • cmd resistor
    • Courser_Resistance

      He’ll be thrilled that he’s on the cover. Again.

      • TakingAmes

        Think he’ll frame this one to put in all his properties, tho?

  • Tennessee Rain Genius

    So, politicians took steps to undermine the ACA in order to prove that the ACA doesn’t work. Yeah. There’s a real shocker.

  • nightmoth

    I think the “work for Medicaid” is another GOP dog & pony show, designed to appeal to their racist base. From today’s WaPo, here’s why:
    “In states that now choose to link Medicaid to work, the requirement would apply only to able-bodied adults as defined by each state.
    Sixty percent of Medicaid’s non-elderly adults already work, according to a recent analysis of census data by the Kaiser Family Foundation. Of those without a job, more than a third are ill or disabled, 30 percent are caring for young children, and 15 percent are in school, the analysis shows. The CMS guidance gives states a great deal of flexibility to define their own exceptions to a work requirement, as well as what counts toward work. “Each state is different,” the letter says, and such activities “include, but are not limited to, community service, caregiving, education, job training, and substance use disorder treatment.”

    • dshwa

      Yeah, it’s the “lazy moocher” canard that will not die (and again, Fuck Ronald Reagan) that no matter how much it’s disproven, conservatives still believe is Gospel

      • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

        It’s pretty amazing how they ALL seem to know someone who won’t work, has the latest iPhone, drives a late model car, and sits around watching cable all day on the gummint dime..

        • ChumpsForTrump

          I’m always impressed at how strong the urge is for some people, to feel like they’re better or more deserving than someone else…

          Too many people choose to believe that, if the world were only fair, they would be the ones with new cars and fancy phones.

          • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

            And they overlook the fact that they *have* a fairly fancy phone (but its two years old!) and car (three!!). And house in the suburbs, with a school district that they don’t worry about sending their kids to (mine used to come home with tales of the strawberry working their morning bus stop). But they had to pay some ~taxes~! It’s so un-FAYUR!!

    • Manders

      Thank you for this. the level of ignorance displayed by people who gripe about government assistance is . . . well, at this point, exactly what one might expect.

    • Lefty Wright

      So it looks like only about 8% of people on Medicaid have no obvious reason not to work. If you dig a little deeper, you will probably find most of them live in what could be called job deserts with no way to get out. Small to medium inner cities with few jobs and no public transportation or rural areas with the same problem. When you have no money, you cannot just pick up and leave the sparsely populated northeast section of North Carolina and move to Norfolk VA or Raleigh NC. Where do you stay? How do you live until you get a minimum wage job, then how do you pay deposits for an apartment and utilities, and how do you even apply for a job 90 miles away when you have no car and possibly no internet access. So possibly 2% to 4% of people on Medicaid could possibly work. Still, is that a valid reason they should not have access to medical care?

      • nightmoth

        Excellent point—thank you.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Arbeit macht frei.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    The Interior reorganization is an example of why you need to be able to trust your government, and the motives of the people running it. It doesn’t sound like a terrible idea, but I would not be able to get past the idea the Zinke is doing it to purge perceived enemies and weaken environmental protections.

  • calliecallie

    Nikki Haley has a bombastic hairline?
    You know who else has a bombastic hairline?

  • calliecallie

    “…by taking her into his basement, blindfolding her, then tying her to exercise equipment and taking naked photos of her.”

    The Governor of Missouri – the Governor!!!1! of Missouri!!!1!! Not Missisippi!! – actually thought he could get away with this? Where were his minions, his staff and the state troopers who no doubt provide his security? How did his appointments secretary schedule this activity?

    Holy crap, Missouri, you got some shit to answer for. This is way worse than Mark Sanford walking the Appalachian Trail.

    (Just read the article. It was before he was governor. Never mind.)

    • TundraGrifter

      “How did his appointments secretary schedule this activity?”

      “Executive Time.”

      [You are, of course, correct – it was before he was governor. But if he wanted to do it while governor, then…]

  • T30024

    This is supremely awesome
    The DC City Council unanimously voted for the Boris Nemtsov Plaza Designation Act which renames the part of Wisconsin Ave. in front of the Russian Embassy to honor the Putin critic who was assassinated outside the Kremlin in February of 2015.

    Can you imagine having this on Official Russian Embassy correspondence? if course they won’t do that, but it’s still awesome!

    • Beelzebubba

      USPS rules could specify that that’s the address, and not deliver mail otherwise. That would be fun to do.

    • Donkey Option

      I am delighted by this! It is just so fantastic. Just a nice way to fuck with awful people.

    • Ray Brust

      I also hope that the road in Russia where the US embassy is located is also renamed, to Robert Mueller Dr. :D

  • TundraGrifter

    Was the collusion consensual?

  • Beelzebubba

    So ICE targets 7-11 stores, franchises largely owned and operated by immigrants, to round up those terrorist minimum-wage-earning clerks? How nice.

    What about big (Republican-Party-owning) corporations, you ask?
    Here’s how that plays out: Sholom Rubashkin, the chief executive of Agriprocessors, a plant that employed over 400 illegals, did get convicted … and Il Douche pardoned him. I’m guessing that the immigrants who lose their livelihoods when their 7-11 franchises get yanked won’t fare as well. Not many of them contribute to the GOP.

  • ziggywiggy

    I’ve decided we are living in one long episode of Black Mirror that combines all of the episodes.

  • Amy!

    Journo who looked for collusion in the built-in search engine on whitehouse.gov was Doin’ It Rong.

    If he had tried “collusion site:whitehouse.gov” on google instead, the results would have been very different. At least seven pages when I tried it.

  • greyXstar

    He actually said “welcome back to the studio” he has no idea where he is.

  • Bitter Scribe

    After Brexit passed and Farage realized he would have to take some responsibility for what he brought about, he practically left skid marks getting out of his office at UKIP. And he talks about “whinging politicians”? He’s an asshole (or wanker, if you will) who finds it easier to run his fat mouth than actually do anything.

    • Teecha

      Don’t be kind about him. He’s a cunt.

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