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Left: Hot guy. Right: Needs therapy.

OMG LOL, after Donald Trump’s crazy-ass meltdown of a press conference Thursday, all the fake news-ers at CNN were sitting around asking each other “WTF was that?” and John King broke a little bit of news of his own! Turns out an unnamed GOP senator texted him during the presser and it was a dick pic from Nebraska’s Ben Sasse, HAHAHA JUST KIDDING, though he is cute in that evil GOP sort of way. This is what happened:

“I got a text from a couple of Democrats during the thing, who of course are not inclined to like him,” King said Thursday, “But I got a text from a Republican senator who said in this text, ‘He should do this with a therapist, not on live television.’”

As Mediaite reports, King never said who it was, but suggested it’s somebody who’s always hated Trump. Let’s wildly speculate who!

John McCain: He definitely hates Donald Trump! But we’re not sure how good at texting McCain is, due to 100,000 years old and fingers sticky from all the butterscotches.

Lindsey Graham: The genteel senator from South Carolina is certainly bitchy enough.

Marco Rubio: Take THAT, Donald Trump, this is payback for calling him “Little Marco” so many times!

Ted Cruz: We highly doubt Ted Cruz believes in therapists, as they are not listed in the Bible, and besides if the word “therapist” was allowed in the Cruz household, his wife might get one and then it would be Divorce O’Clock. It wasn’t Ted Cruz.

Mitch McConnell: Did the majority leader, who usually cynically rubberstamps anything Trump wants, slither out of his shell and send a mean girl text message to John King, like a mischievous turtle? What a mischievous turtle Mitch McConnell is!

Lisa Murkowski or Susan Collins: Those ladies don’t like Trump very much, but according to Mediaite, it was a HE senator, not a SHE senator, so we guess neither of these two was the one throwing shade.

Joni Ernst: When Joni Ernst was a child, she had to walk uphill five miles both ways wearing nothing but bread bags on her feet in order to go see a therapist, and by “therapist,” we mean she was on her way to castrate a hog. Also, she likes Trump and is a lady like Murkowski and Collins, so not her.

Ben Sasse: It was a text about Donald Trump’s mental health, not a dick pic! (N.B. We literally have never heard of Ben Sasse sending dick pics, we just think he is cute and are making this joke for literally no reason.)

Jeff Flake: Also hates Trump, but meh. Doesn’t seem like the type to pissy-text CNN reporters.

Joe Manchin: Silly Wonkette, Joe Manchin is a Democrat, just kidding no he isn’t, not really.

In conclusion it was Rand Paul, unless it wasn’t, in which case it was Orrin Hatch, unless we’re wrong on that too. GAH WHO WAS IT, WE CAN’T FIGURE IT OUT.

It was Lindsey Graham.

(OR WAS IT?)

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  • MynameisBlarney

    McCain.
    I betcha 5 bucks.

  • Lizzietish81

    I’m putting money on Lindsey.

  • Vincent Ricola

    That was classic Lindsey shade.

    • cmd resistor

      He’s the only one of that group who has a sense of humor other than “Libtards Suck” jokes.

  • Bill D. Burger

    And talk about obsession, pathological obsession. I just saw that Turnip brought up, with no question asked from the press, Hillary Clinton no less than 18, count em’, 18 times during the press conference. (His new cabinet pick, his reason for being there, was mentioned 4 times)
    Think he’s over the fact that she crushed him in the popular vote? For fuck’s sake, she should sue him for creepily stalking her.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Remember all those press conferences Obama spent carping bitterly about Mitt and McCain? No? Funny, I don’t either.

    • artem1s

      yea, they are going after her staff now. Thankfully, I think the poor IT tech guy actually has immunity. they are actually going to start putting low level staffers on trial as part of their bread and circuses. I seem to remember Newt and Starr trying this with Whitewater too. One of Bill Clinton’s staffers spent 18 months in jail on contempt charges because she refused to lie about BigDawg to save her ass. Hillary’s people are just, if not more, loyal. I don’t think this is going to go the way they think it will.

  • MynameisBlarney

    http://www.salon.com/2017/02/17/the-latest-priebus-says-president-nailed-press-conference/

    Priebus says turmp nailed it yesterday…

    Ooookaaaay…If he was going for proving to the world how incredibly unfit he is for the presidency. Then hell fuckin yeah he nailed the fuck out it. I give him a 10.

  • Nounverb911
    • Msgr_MΩment

      No. Would have included an obligatory Python or Simpsons reference.
      Something something D. J. Gumby.

  • Duke

    I speculated last year that McCain would lead the revolt against Trump during the election.

    I think he’ll be the first senator to say “I can’t take it” and side with the Democrats. For America.

    Still, I’ll go with Marco. Much more likely for this passive-aggressive stuff.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      Or Graham. No, Marco. Graham would probably say he should just shoot himself.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      You are obviously unfamiliar with McCain’s 200 year career as a sanctimonious grandstanding “maverick” who always caves in for the sake of being a good German.

    • Meccalopolis

      We need to turn 3 to the light

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • MynameisBlarney

      He is absolutely certifiable.

      • medcannabis1

        no, this is a” stitch k ” to get our of the treason charges coming for colluding with Russia and that pesky oil deal and money laundering

        • MynameisBlarney

          Not so sure about that.

    • Nounverb911

      Hey donnie, rush lives in Palm Beach, you should go visit him and kiss his ring over the weekend.

      • OneYieldRegular

        Ew.

      • coozledad

        Just make sure the Dominican piss-hookers bring their cameras.

    • Meccalopolis

      I made a doody. The best stinks. Rush said.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Weevie

      Gross! So, how did they do in Jabba, again?

  • Nounverb911

    AOT,K.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Yeah, they’ll send a snotty text about his mental health, then turn around and vote for every one of his nominees and policies. Fuck these assholes.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Whatever event that tRump causes that motivates the assholes to renounce the Orange One will probably be on the order of a nuclear bomb. It won’t be pretty and even then there will be holdouts.

      • Mariewgamache

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !dh242c:
        On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !dh242c:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs542ShopReviewsGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!dh242c:….,……

  • Lefty Frizzell

    It was Miss Lindsey. Must’ve been. None of the christian taliban would mention therapy, and the others aren’t funny enough.

    • Crystalclear12

      He does get sassy when he gets liquored up.

    • medcannabis1

      now that’s some shade worthy of Ru Paul Queens….

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • Nounverb911

      What about Boeing Charleston today?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        “They’re not booing, they’re yelling Boeing!”

    • OneYieldRegular

      Do you still get the free gift/voucher if you’re protesting against Trump?

      • Suttree

        And Soros bucks?

  • Crystalclear12

    I think it was all of them in the little boys room.
    No, you push send.
    I’m not going to, you do it!

    • MynameisBlarney

      Followed by squeals and girlish laughter.

  • medcannabis1
  • schmannity

    As an aside, given Trump’s delusion/pathological lying, imagine how much more delusion/ pathological lying would be going on if Ted Cruz had been elected if even Trump recognizes/envies Lyin’ Ted’s lies.

    • Weevie

      It would be deliberate, though. Trump has no concept of real vs. delusion.
      The result would be the same but not as funny!

      • schmannity

        Ted’s lies would be Texas sized.

        • Weevie

          And take longer.

    • anon_the_great

      Ted is evil, not insane. Although Pence is likely worse b/c he IS so quiet, he is not insane. The existence of humanity is dangerously at risk every moment this mad man is allowed to command America’s military.

      America has been lucky so far. There is no reason to think that will continue to be the case.

      • Weevie

        Pence isn’t crazy but he’s massively stupid so he’s best at dealing with really simple stuff, like ordering pizza.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Not the pizza! The last time we let Mike order, we ended up with a whole bunch of underage sex slaves from Comet Ping Pong.

      • Sardonicuss

        When he was describing the concept of nuclear exchange between the US and Russia yesterday, as if it were the first time anyone had ever conceived of it –
        I peed a little.

      • willi0000000

        c’mon . . . what do they always say after the “incident” ?

        “he was such a quiet guy.”

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Cruz still gives me the willies. I’m afraid his administration really would be running like a fine-tuned machine. {shiver}.

      • Weevie

        Remember how they voted for Trump to be sure Cruz didn’t win? Two stupids make…stupid!

  • anon_the_great

    It was Lord Dampnut’s Russian handler.

    • schmannity

      Last trip to Moscow, Trump wanted a Russian “handler,” all all he got was peed on.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Or his nugget massager?

  • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

    It was Senator Palpatine, and when he thinks you are crazier than a shit house rat, you can guarantee the Republic is doomed…DOOMED…DOOOOOOOOMMMMMMED!!!!111!!!

  • Weevie

    That Ethics Idiot, Chaffetz, who has no ethics.
    I vote Lindsey.

  • azeyote

    it’s the only one with a brain

  • Michael Smith

    It was Dr. Phil as part of an ongoing campaign to persuade people that a Trump episode would be a good idea.

    “Come on, Obama was the first president to do the late night stuff, maybe Trump can be the first one to show up on sleezy daytime shows!”

    • Suttree

      May I pre-emptively throw an empty bottle of vodka at my television?

      • Just make sure it’s completely empty. Even more than usual, you do not want to waste a drop.

  • Antimassacree

    “I have done the rapey many times already. When your a celebrity they let you do anything you want.”

  • Juan de Fuca

    Joe Lieberman?

    • Suttree

      Who?

      • Juan de Fuca

        The retired Republican Senator from Connecticut.

      • Terpsichord

        Alf’s earth father.

        • Suttree

          As a child of the 80’s, I approve this message.

      • Meccalopolis

        Deputy dawg

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Who’s that?

    • Notreelyhelping

      Insufficient whining.

  • dslindc

    I, also too, would put my money on Lindsey Graham, from the study, on the fainting couch.

    • Hutch

      With the clutching pearls.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        …and the smelling salts.

    • Sardonicuss

      He was giddy with the first mint julep of the day.

  • C4TWOMAN

    OT: In EWW News:

    Trump’s Labor nominee oversaw ‘sweetheart plea deal’ in billionaire’s underage sex case
    http://www.politico.com/story/2017/02/alexander-acosta-trump-jeffrey-epstein-plea-235096

    • ariel_gee_398

      Yet Hillary is pro-rape because she defended a rapist once.

      • C4TWOMAN

        Also too PIZZABENGHAZIEMAILGATE111!!11!one!1

    • Lefty Frizzell

      “As the U.S. attorney for Southern Florida, Acosta agreed not to file
      any federal charges against the wealthy financier, Jeffrey Epstein, if
      he pled guilty to state charges involving soliciting prostitution and
      soliciting a minor for prostitution.

      Epstein ultimately received an 18-month sentence in county jail and
      served about 13 months — treatment that provoked outrage from alleged
      victims in the case.”

      “alleged victims”??!! He pled guilty – they’re “victims”.

    • jodyleek

      Wasn’t trump a good buddy of Epstein? And wasn’t there speculation that the woman who has dropped charges twice against Trump was a sexual plaything of both Epstein and Trump? This dude knows where many skeletons are buried. Of course Donny would want him under his thumb.

    • Doug Langley

      So this is what they call “extreme vetting”?

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

      We don’t have enough straitjackets to outfit the millions who still agree with him.

      • coozledad

        They’re giving them border patrol uniforms instead. if this guy had just been a little more patient, he could have been an ICE agent.
        http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/fbi-arrests-man-after-planning-dylann-roof-style-attack-n721881

      • MynameisBlarney

        Think of all the jobs it will create makin all them straight jackets!

        • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

          …In China and/or Mexico. We put a Trump label on ’em, embroider “MAGA” on the back in big letters, and we have a winner! Trumpkins have already proved that they’ll buy anything! *dollar signs in eyes*

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        I believe they would give him up in a second if told to by the Bat-Shit Insane Right Wing Media Whores. Still, I would like to see the millions in those jackets.

  • Suttree

    It was totally Miss Lindsey! Now I want to sit out on the veranda with him and sip mint juleps. An electric fan will suffice for me as Pablo will be too busy with his needs. I want some fried okra too.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Joe & Mika MAY have turned a corner – they did a presser summary complete with buzzes & bells for the lies.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Rats diving off the sinking ship. It was all good when they were getting that sweet Trump access/attention, now that he’s proven his treasonous crazy, they don’t want the BFF association anymore.

      • Lefty Frizzell

        Frankly, I don’t care why they turn on him, as long as they turn on him.

    • Mr. Blobfish
  • Lance Thrustwell

    Definitely Graham. I think he’s one of perhaps 3.7 GOP Congressmen with a functioning sense of humor.

  • OneYieldRegular

    It can’t possibly be Rand Paul; he doesn’t possess a sense of humor.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Objectivists don’t believe in jokes – jokes let the lazy takers coast on your intellectual capital.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I thought “Atlas Shrugged” was the funniest book I never finished.

      • OneYieldRegular

        Q: How many Ayn Rand fanatics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
        A: That’s not funny.

    • ¡Persister de la Résistance!

      He should appoint himself one.

    • Lizzietish81

      Speaking of which, I wonder if Ron Paul is still alive

      • Lance Thrustwell

        He died a while ago, but he decided to exercise his individual freedom to continue walking and talking in defiance of the oppressive, international ‘mortality’ state.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          A million upvotes, sir!

  • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

    fingers sticky from all the butterscotches.

    Ribbon Candy libelz!!!111!

  • Nounverb911
    • Antonin Dvorak

      So is Herr Hair actually on the ceiling here?

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Rob Portman from Ohio doesn’t like Trump either. And he was one of the group who torpedoed Puzder’s nomination, so maybe him?

    • artem1s

      Portman has zero sense of humor. none. nada. zip. he is a walking turnip. too clever for him.

  • Suse
    • janecita

      I’m so grateful for that well placed sign!

      • Ωbjectifier

        A post-it would have sufficed.

  • memzilla Ω
  • Martini Ambassador

    I say Lindsey, because that cat can throw RuPaul-level shade.

    • Vincent Ricola

      He’s the only GOP Senator I could see sneaking out to comment on the Wonkette and fitting in so well that we don’t realize it’s him.

      • Sardonicuss

        “Strennnth”.

      • I’m still not gonna say nice things about him.

      • Nockular cavity

        Oh my god WHICH ONE OF US IS LINDSEY???!!!???

  • MynameisBlarney

    Well, I’ll be damned…looks like Tweety had a moment of clarity yesterday.

    “Matthews…discerned something revealing about Trump’s answer to
    reporters’ questions in the East Room of the White House. And Matthews
    put it into historical context.

    Whenever answering (or dodging) inquiries about his campaign’s
    involvement with the Russians, Matthews said, Trump used phrases like
    “to the best of my knowledge” and “I don’t recall” to deflect questions
    without quite denying them.

    Matthews compared Trump’s “weasel words” to those of Alger Hiss, an
    American who spied for the Soviet Union during the Red Scare of the Cold
    War.

    “Those are ways to avoid perjury,” Matthews said of Trump’s word choices. “They’re not truth-telling, generally.”

    • Sardonicuss

      Guess Chris missed Reagan and Nixon in history class.

      • yyyaz

        And Poppy Bush and his idjit spawn, most of the Great Prevaricator’s cabinet members and

    • bluicebank

      Well if that’s the case, just point the way to the Pumpkin Papers.

    • When he says “media”, he means YOU, TOO, Tweety.

    • ltmcdies

      good catch…now fucking do something with it

    • satanscheerleadersloveamerica

      He was quoting Reagan.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    AOT,K?

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    Couldn’t have been Marco, it has the distinct wording of an old white man.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Marco was basically an old white man by the time he was 10 years old.

      • ¡Persister de la Résistance!

        Hydrophobia is a stern mistress.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        It’s nice of you to believe his claims but I won’t let him forget he’s not white.

        • janecita

          What exactly is he? We are not a race, we are an ethnicity.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            I know that but he’s not a white Hispanic. And he doesn’t pass like Ted Cruz.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Will you let him forget he’s a man? (ba-DAH-da-bump).

        • Rags

          canned claims in white sauce.

      • Weevie

        When he got his first suit.

  • Michael R
  • Me not sure

    Senator Beauregard Claghorn of the great state of South Carolina, perhaps? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/219a338fd8126a099b5c69ecd477cf071b71b4e2edd17e0c3fc25332afa4899d.jpg

  • janecita

    Of course it was Miss. Lindsey! It seems like the kind of bullshit that he would do. He doesn’t have the balls to go and say it in front of everybody, but he is brave enough to send an “off the record” text.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Assume Grassley Shady. That is all.

    • orygoon

      Yup we are one the same page, darlin’.

  • Michael R

    ‘He should do this with a therapist, not on live television.’
    sounds like the work of …

    https://s11.postimg.org/3x4uda4xf/cb_chirstine_baranski.jpg

  • bluicebank

    It was Sen. Barack Obama from Illinois, using that Kenyan time machine.

    Like duh. Can’t believe I have to explain this to you.

  • Jeffocaster in the desert

    It was the stealth Senator from Montana, Schoenkopf.

  • Msgr_MΩment
  • Suse
    • beingreleased

      If and when the case does reach the Supreme Court, its next step, Justice Thomas will likely have to recuse himself from the case given his wife’s behind-the-scenes conservative activism, law experts say.

      This is wishful thinking. Since Thomas as no ethics, he’ll just refuse to recuse himself and there isn’t anything anyone can do about it.

      • yyyaz

        Makes one proud of our fine institutions with their awesome checks on power and finely tuned counterbalancing mechanisms, does it not?

        • wavicles

          To be fair, they’re doing it wrong.

      • Suse

        Roberts can’t do anything about that?

        • V4Virginia, NASTY!

          They have to recuse themselves. It’s intended to be a check on outside pressure, but, in Thomas’ case, it just means someone with a lot of ideology and no ethical center can decide cases in which they have personal interest.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Hey, Scalia did it all the time. Are you saying the black man can’t do the same thing? Racist!

        • puredog

          “Could” and “will” are entirely different things. And I think all he could do would be to purse his lips in profound disapproval. That’s not likely to move Thomas off the dime.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        I have to agree – he didn’t recuse himself from ACA-related cases, even though she was lobbying against it…or from Citizens United, even though her organization directly benefited from it.

        There are few people for whom I have more contempt than Ginni Thomas.

        http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2013/07/ginni-thomas-groundswell-conflict-interest

        • Thank you for the reminder! I knew that he should have recused himself for something.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Now if only she could involve herself in literally every issue that’s due to come before the court…

      • willi0000000

        you don’t think she does now?

  • Jeffocaster in the desert

    In the photo above it is clear Trudeau does not want to touch that hand because of all the disease it might have on it. Insiders at the White House says that Donnie doesn’t wash after wiping. Disinfect the White House now!

    • Sophia

      Bearing in mind that tremendous presser yesterday can you imagine being a head of state, May, Abe, Trudeau, visiting the WH and being forced to sit there and listen to this moron talk?

      • Jeffocaster in the desert

        You mean without laughing?

      • wavicles

        Barry and Michelle had to welcome ‘him’ to our House and prolly had to say something like “we’re so glad you’re here, congratulations.”

        • Sophia

          They were so gracious to that asshole.

      • Longstreet63

        Among the talents held by real leaders other than Trump is the ability to sit through a torrent of bullshit with a reactionless smile.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      How dare you denigrate the disabled. Do you think he could ever wipe effectively with those tiny, tiny hands?

  • Jeffocaster in the desert

    I need moar cooffeees……all right. It was……..Senator Schwarzenegger.

    • Doug Langley

      In the workout room. With a dumbbell.

  • janecita

    OT, but where are all those “fiscally responsible” Republicans? The so-called president is flying on our dime to Florida, for the third weekend in a row. His evil spawns are in Dubai opening a golf course, on our dime. The First Skank, and the little one are still in NY, it cost $500,000 to the city of NY to protect them. Where is the outrage?

  • Graham had the idea and McCain polished it up a bit, both of them giggling the whole time.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Naw, if Walnuts was involved, the text would have called Donnie a cunt

  • Jeffocaster in the desert

    Pence is peeing his pants in anticipation. Who is the next VP?

    • Lefty Frizzell

      Cruz

      • We were worrying about this happening:
        Pence quits
        Trump appoints Bannon as Veep
        Trump is YOU’RE FIRED and/or eaten by rabid Madagascar Rat Monkeys
        Bannon is president! Heil to the Chief!

        • Résistance Land Shark

          No WAY! Even rabid Madagascar Rat Monkeys have some taste.

        • Madagascar Rat Monkeys libelz!!!

        • Skeptical_thinker

          Do you think the senate would confirm Bannon?

          • You know, I’d like to think they wouldn’t…

          • willi0000000

            that would be nice, wouldn’t it?

    • doggiedaddy

      Ryan, why else would he have that shit eating smirk on his face.
      I know cutting benefits to those who need them the most is fun, but come on.

      As my grandmother used to say ‘I will slap that smirk off your face and they can send me to prision for doing so!’
      http://images.dailykos.com/images/327509/story_image/GettyImages-622158460.jpg?1479142229

      • 333tenant

        Ryan thinks Pence is going down too and then the precious will be HIS

    • Yr. Gma

      Christie.

  • TARGETED OT NEWS

    Welcome to the world of Trump-style ‘SMRT BIZZNESMAN’ domestic terrorism.

    1. Your local Target franchise

    2.Bomb in the Hamburger Helper

    3. BOOM

    4. PROFIT!

    http://abcnews.go.com/US/florida-man-arrested-plotting-bomb-target-stores-companys/story?id=45553743

    Exploding Pop Tarts would probably scare off scary toilet transsexuals too, so WIN/WIN.

    • Yeah, except that it was in Florida, so that makes it just another day in Florida.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      There’s probably a spot for him in the Trump house. Not sure if he could get Security clearance.

      • I’m guessing Trump declaring “I like the way this guy thinks. Smart.” would be a brownie point for him.

  • ltmcdies

    my first thought was Graham. but they gonna have to do more than send mean girl texts

  • doggiedaddy
    • Rags

      Rope should be through Bannon’s nose ring…..

    • kareemachan

      Gagamaggot.

    • Sandy Beaches

      There are no words.

    • Meccalopolis

      Delete! Delete! Unsee!

    • YayConspiracy

      I’ll be in my bunk.

  • Jgb979

    Sassy? Wasn’t lil Marco he’d already have apologized for it while in a fetal position fists clinched “please don’t hurt me” pose. Ted Cruz doesn’t understand the human concept of humor.

    It was Lindsey.

    https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/81/a3/87/81a387db1d8076fcd88f14529e1c32f9.jpg

    Girl you so sassy

  • wavicles

    I think it’s the one that everyone else thinks it is.

    • willi0000000

      nobody sent it . . . it was a spontaneous creation of the innertubes.

  • Asterix

    I like Rand Paul for it, but Graham is a good choice too.

  • boredcatlady

    Hmmmmm— I am going to lean towards Ben Sasse (I too think he’s cute and it’s fun to imagine him sending dick picks, but in an earnest midwestern kinda way and only when asked, not a creepy liberal elite sleaze like Mr Huma).

    I feel like grand old genteel southern families embrace the crazy instead of therapy, so that nixes Lindsay O’Hara…and I just don’t think Marco Rubio has an unscripted sense of humor.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I’m going with McCain. He had an aide send it, not being technologically savvy himself.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Or had Megs do it. That does sound like her.

  • Résistance Land Shark

    Joni Ernst: Also, she likes Trump and is a lady like Murkowski and Collins, so not her.

    Assumes facts not in evidence.

  • goonemeritus

    I’m going with Senator Palpatine, Trump is giving the “Dark Side” a bad name.

  • artem1s

    If Boehner was still around I would bet money it was him. seems like something he would do while dipping into his secret liquor cabinet and waving his cigarette smoke away from the smoke detectors in his office. He never said it was a current Senator…

    • Notreelyhelping

      Boehner does seem to be laying low. I imagine he’s thoroughly enjoying a bourbon and peeling open a fresh pack of Winstons. Blowing smoke rings toward the ceiling. Trying not to slide back into PTSD.

      • kareemachan

        Let him slide. He’s a… what’s the term? a hoofwanking bunglecnut.

    • Zyxomma

      Good guess, but Boner was a Congresscritter, not a Senator.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Please let him go on for about one more month. He is positively influencing the Dutch elections.

    https://euobserver.com/opinion/136945

    • Maclare

      Silver lining?

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        For me it sure is.

    • artem1s

      I’m hoping it also helps keeps Merkel in power too.

    • Nasty Candy Apple

      I heard he was having a deleterious impact on the German election as well — deleterious if you are a right-winger, that is.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Thank you for teaching me a new word I am now going to use like all the time.

    • YayConspiracy

      Yes, let Trump make Europe sane again! (full disclosure: I am from the lowlands where poplars line slow-moving rivers like plumes though infinite lowlands. Yes, I stole that.)

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Ah yes, thinking of Holland.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        But are you Dutch or just have Dutch roots?

        • YayConspiracy

          Nederlander. Live in Germany. Love the States, but not their politicians.

          • RC

            kind of like how I feel about Christians and their god.

      • bookish

        Good stealering. Carry on.

  • Notreelyhelping

    Perhaps it was Orrin Hatch’s secret multiple personality.

    • Yr. Gma

      He has a twin sister, you know.

      • kareemachan

        This explains a lot….

    • Nasty Candy Apple

      I have it on fairly good authority that Orrin Hatch engages in polygamy. I cannot tell you how I know this, but it is whispered in these Utah parts, of which I am a resident.

      • Doug Langley

        I saw it on the internets, so it must be true!

        • TakingAmes

          It would be irresponsible not to speculate wildly.

      • Notreelyhelping

        For the life of me, I don’t know how the blood gets to his brain with those Cotton Mather collars he wears…. Wait a minute.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Isn’t anyone going to give Senator Jim Inhofe the benefit of consideration?

      • He doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Now that’s fucking hilarious!

  • sosuume

    The guy musta really been somethin’ when he was all coked up doing the NYC club scene. Yikes!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      The height of his pussy-grabbing days.

  • Bitter Scribe

    QUIT TEASING US KING!!!!!

  • Mike Steele

    Perhaps King misspoke-sounds to me like REP. Mark Sanford.

  • kareemachan

    I watched some of that shitshow. I dragged my SO out of bed (he has insomnia) to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating. What broke me down? Stuart McLean is dead. If you never listened to ‘The Vinyl Cafe’, I’m sad for you. 2017 isn’t *any* better than 2016.

  • Nasty Candy Apple

    UGH, there’s no need to perv on evil Republicans when there are so many hot Dems, like Gavin Newsom (swoooooon) or #AlternateUSPresident Justin Trudeau, known dreamboat.

    • thewendyb

      Yes yes YES! My Wonkette would be wise to have those wet dreams about yoga move man, Trudeau, hunka hunka

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Dean Heller is a 2018 target, and he might be worried that his constituents will figure out what a mess Donald has made when Vegas loses both tourists and employees. Just sayin’…

    • javadavis

      Who’s running against Heller? I’ll start door knocking right now to get that fat bastard pried out of his cozy office.

  • Rags
  • Crank Tango

    I’m guessing Little Marco, do I win something?

  • The Librarian

    I enjoy trying to guess, but in the end, it doesn’t really matter.

    Just laugh and point…..

  • It was definitely Miss Lindsey. Hiss! Meow! Then afterward he had a mint julep while fanning himself and declaring that there Trump man is a CAD and a BOUNDER and NO GENTLEMAN, no sirree.

  • Mavenmaven

    Yesterday’s press conference makes much more sense if one imagines it as a scene from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    Are we sure the text wasn’t “He should be doing this with the rapist, not on live television” …?

    It’s unclear whether he meant Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly, or maybe Roger Ailes?

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Conway.

  • Scrofula

    Surely Miss Lindsey would have a better burn than that. (Let me drop a thin mint in my morning cocktail and I’ll try to think of one).
    Sounds like the sort of not-funny that Rubio would make, as he giggle-snorts at his cleverness for a good half-hour after.

    • TakingAmes

      Hers would be something more along the lines of, “Bless his heart!” Which, as all Southerners know, is actually the worst possible thing one can say to/about someone else.

  • thewendyb

    Miss Lindsey, in the House, with a TWEET.
    -D.C. version of CLUE

  • FlownOver

    You can cut the list of possibles by a little ove 2%. Sure as Oglalla ex-aquifer, it wasn’t Pat Roberts (R-Shut Up About Undocumented Meatpackers)

  • SadDemInTex

    I’m with alwayspunkindrublic. I don’t care which GOP knob said it. Fuck them for rubber stamping the shit storm.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    It’s so hard to decide. On the one hand, we know it was a Republican. On the other hand, we know it was someone who recognizes the value of therapy, which basically leaves out the entire red side of the Senate.

  • At first I thought it was Wisconsin’s own Idiot Bastard Ron Johnson but then I realized he would have sent it straight to Cheeto Mussolini by mistake.

  • Raan

    Mm. I could go for a few butterscotches.

  • If it’s not miss Lindsey, I’ll eat a ham biscuit.

  • Gosala

    Wasn’t Rubio. Missing Marco likes to pretend he’s independent, but always end up supporting whatever the orange tyrant wants.

  • orygoon

    Someone below must have said it already. I’d put a twenty on Grassly.

  • Panika MCD

    it was Heidi Cruz on Ted’s phone. you’ve got her all wrong. she’s the brains in that outfit. when he endorsed Tsarina Conspiracy Theory, it was probably her pushing him to do it. she runs his campaigns and everything. having him in DC not only gives her power, but gives her a lot of distance from him. she’s just genius enough to have been spoofing his number for the past decade.

  • phoenix00
  • BFD

    It was his therapist.

  • Jenna

    What a stupid headline.

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