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Might need some tanks and missile launchers for the parade, too

You might think maybe Donald Trump is possibly a bit overwhelmed by the sudden realization that he’s in a job that he’s utterly unprepared for, but Donald Trump doesn’t do Overwhelmed, even when he clearly is. He does Denial. So of course he’s having a great big campaign-style rally in Florida this Saturday so he can take his message directly to his supporters, who will all show up and slobber on him and prove through their love that he is indeed still winning, even though his administration appears to be setting a record for self-inflicted gunshots to the foot in its first month.

And that message will be exactly the same as always: He won a huge, historic victory even though the crooked media said he didn’t have a chance and Hillary Clinton had millions and millions of illegal voters, and he’ll keep on winning even though all his enemies keep leaking fake news about him, because he’s the best. There, we saved you an hour (no, of course we’re going to watch in horror anyway). Trump never really wanted to bother with the details of governing, and so far, he really seems to be meeting that goal, though god knows people seem to keep expecting him to answer questions and have policies and stuff, even though he’s already signed all those beautiful executive orders. But it’s not his fault — the Senate won’t confirm his cabinet nominees, and all those holdovers from the Obama administration keep undercutting him. Now, to be sure, he might have some responsibility for the understaffing, just maybe:

So clearly, it’s time for a rally, because America needs one. Or at least Donald Trump does, since there are clearly not enough people in the White House telling him he’s wonderful. He’ll get to yell at the media and enjoy seeing his followers turn around and jeer at the press pen, tell some lies about how he’s been more successful in four weeks than most presidents were in an entire term, and repeat all the promises and grievances he knows his Flying Monkey Brigade will eat up like meth. He might even talk about how huge his inauguration crowd was. If he’s really lucky, there’ll be some protesters to be thrown out — or perhaps executed on the spot; he’s still checking with Bannon on whether he’s allowed to do that.

Unfortunately, as New York Times reporter Sopan Deb notes, he won’t be able to repeat one of his classic riffs from the fall campaign, because now he’s the showman with the government jet flying all over at public expense:

Trump may also find time to play some golf this weekend, but that’s different. He works hard and deserves the break. And as WaPo’s Phillip Bump points out, even if his approval ratings are in the toilet, Trump can always point to the size of the crowd as proof that America still loves him. With a huge crowd like that, surely nothing else matters, and everything is OK.

Oh, and if you’re not in the mood for a rally, Robert Reich would like to remind you use your weekend to drop by your member of Congress’s office with some friends and a camera phone:

Donald Trump keeps forgetting to give money to Wonkette to keep us ad-free. He’s such a jerk. You wouldn’t make the same mistake, would you? Of course you wouldn’t!

[The Hill / WaPo / Sopan Deb on Twitter / Robert Reich on Twitter]

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  • memzilla Ω

    From Seth Abramson, “a criminal attorney for many years:”

    “Ask any criminal attorney: the president is engaging in _all_ the behaviors a guilty person would.

    #1 Allege a conspiracy against you.
    #2 Raise issues irrelevant to the case to distract attention.
    #3 Avoid speaking of the facts closest in time/space to the crime alleged.
    #4 Cite the support of people unassociated with the allegations to boost credibility.
    #5 Make oneself difficult to access for further questioning.
    #6 Displacing blame onto others.
    #7 Using anger/self-righteousness to distract from the allegations.
    #8 Complain about law enforcement.
    #9 Allege the crime was impossible/improbable.
    #10 Misstate facts of the case while (paradoxically) claiming innocence and having nothing to hide.
    #11 Manipulate surrogates (particularly witnesses) to make the case harder to investigate/prosecute and to sow confusion.
    #12 Deny relationships (even provably extant ones) that would make commission of the crime more likely.

    These are the 12 most common signs of a guilty person. Trump exhibits _all of them_.”

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      The only thing missing is claiming, “These aren’t my pants, man.”

      • memzilla Ω

        I saw that COPS episode. WHILE HE WAS WEARING THEM.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Dave’s not here, man.

    • Ωbjectifier

      1. Deny everything.
      2. Admit nothing.
      3. Make counter accusations.
      4. ????

      • Alternative Pony Ron

        Profit?

  • MynameisBlarney

    All that tweetin’ will tire a motherfucker out.

  • FlownOver

    Dolt 45 has way too much time on his tiny hands.

    Reminder – only a couple of days left to make history by beating Wm. Henry Harrison’s record.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Dolt 45 is something I would dearly love to see get more use, credit or not.

      • FlownOver

        OK, then, let’s say it’s public domain.

        • wide_stance_hubby

          Done.

  • Nounverb911

    Leni Riefenstahl was not available for comment.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “I’m sure it Will be a Triumph.”
      — Donald Trump

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • cmd resistor

      Wonder if they’ve printed up Trump 2020 shit yet. Or some new theme related stuff, like Down with Fake News/

      • o’look Skwerl!

        It’s consist of boxes of Trump Steaks from “the Lost Shipping Container”.

      • arglebargle

        I don’t thin Dampnut is going to leave his time in office up to something as fickle as an election.

  • ltmcdies

    so which sycophantic networks will breathlessly cover this utter waste of the taxpayers money…..yes taxpayers…your covering what I’m sure is the huge security expenses for this rally.

  • Nounverb911

    So does that mean that no operations will take place in Orlando airport while trump is there?

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      the next military anti-terrorism operation will be watched live from the Mar-a-Lago patio.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Disney will love that.

    • cmd resistor

      It’s actually in Melbourne (on the East Coast). The airport is called Orlando Melbourne International Airport. Much smaller place. I read that it will be in a hangar that held around 8500 people when he had a rally there in I think September.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    this fuckin’ guy – I had forgotten about that “why is obama on vacation” crap…NO sense of irony or shame. NONE.

    • SnarkON

      True of the entire GOP.

    • Ricky Gay

      Hellooo, Republican!

    • Suttree

      Something something Benghazi black man commie something

    • TJ Barke

      Trump deserves it because he’s been working sooooo haaaaaard!

    • Pilotshark

      wonder how many Billions it cost as well.

      • anwisok

        Somebody posted about that last night. Obama’s vacations, over the course of his 8 year Presidency, are estimated to have cost us 85 – 96 million. At the current rate, it will cost that much for Donnie’s downtime by the end of this year. IOKIYAR, though.

  • SnarkON

    He should toss a whole bunch of dollar bills into the crowd, just to see what they do.

    • Rick Hill

      “Here!…heheheheh(look at ’em scramble) ok…ok. I want those back, you know…”

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Pfft! They’ll probably be fake bills anyway with Trump’s face plastered all over them.

    • Groundloop

      For some reason an image of “President” Trump tossing donuts to the crowd from a golf cart popped into my head. Not sure why.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Abbie Hoffman libelz!

    • Querolous
  • memzilla Ω

    Since, unlike graffiti, there’s no defacement, light displays are protected by the First Amendment. Wonder if they’ll truck their equipment down south?
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7834ccab540e13056fd3057882a5131af9e5951cf62c3c92ee0dc4aa53521e36.png

    • Msgr_MΩment

      How are we going to keep white Amurrikan birthrates up when they do THAT?

    • Michael R

      ” Precious and ewwwww are the moments we two can share “

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Where would you like your Internets delivered?

      • SadDemInTex

        Thank you for this….now I must steal!

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      ‘Remember when birth rates spiked nine months after the blackout of ’65? It’ll be the opposite of that.’

  • msanthropesmr

    Sorry Donnie. I’ll be at my local Mosque breaking bread in solidarity with other sane humans.

    • SweetDeeKat

      I’m going to my local mosque for an “Interfaith Event: Equity and Justice for Humanity.” They promised cookies, too.

      • msanthropesmr

        Macaroons? Or maamoul?

        • SweetDeeKat

          Both, I hope. My Lutheran upbringing requires me to eat copious amounts and compliment the baker.

          • Shirleyareichert

            Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !di196c:
            On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            !di196c:
            ➽➽
            ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs485DirectPowerGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!di196c:….,…….

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Sorry, Donny. I have plans that day. That grout is not going to clean itself.

  • memzilla Ω

    I assume they will serve delicious sammiches at the rally, also too?
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/81066c281f795d620e59dc60b83e61f67525373b530cf28e6f7f51a3fce97942.png

    • Michael R
    • shaar dula

      the pickle HAS to be small, everyone knows that and everyone knows the special brine in which it is pickled in.

    • puredog

      That reminds me of Loeb’s Delicatessen in DC, a block from the White House, which used to serve a Nasser Sandwich: chicken, tongue, and Russian dressing.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      I assume that when you actually order the tr*** sandwich, they bring you shit smeared on two pieces of moldy bread. On the other hand, you don’t have to pay full price for the meal.

      • FlownOver

        They put the full price on the check but expect you to dine & dash.

        • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

          Hah! Not the Russian Puppet though. Don’t think he could run anywhere except…nope, not even chasing after his pee hookers.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Even though this is basically an exercise in Trump jerking himself off on a stadium of deplorables, Republicans will still consider it work time, not vacation.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    There, we saved you an hour (no, of course we’re going to watch in horror anyway).

    Live-blog? I should be done with the immigrant’s rights protest in DTLA by then…

  • o’look Skwerl!
  • wide_stance_hubby

    Make America Emerge Victorious Again!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Make
      America
      German*
      Again.

      *old-fashioned ones, not the kind I know.

  • Proud Liberal

    There goes Trump fucking up my Saturday. God damn it!

  • Oblios_Cap

    It’s nice to see that the Senate hasn’t lost its work ethic of the last 8 years.

  • Suttree

    Oh please oh please oh please take questions whenever you decide to show up for your little talk in a few minutes!

  • beingreleased

    I may be a petty, petty person, but there is nothing I want more than for him to have a complete breakdown on stage in front of a group of supporters dwarfed by a crowd of protestors. I remember thinking during the 2008 financial breakdown, that W should go out in a blaze of obscenities, but this would be much better.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I’m hoping his airplane hanger is only about 10% full, and there’s no way for him to hide it.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      He owes it to the world to combust in a most humiliating fashion.

      • beingreleased

        Damn straight. He owes me. He owes me bigly.

    • Paperless Tiger

      What Trump has been doing would probably be considered a breakdown for anyone else. He’s obviously having delusions and possibly even hallucinations, judging from what he has said. Unfortunately, most of what he has said is lies. I guess that is supposed to keep us guessing.

    • Erala Contratista

      Wasn’t that a movie already?

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    I wonder if his Trumpanzees will show up now that Crooked Hillary isn’t in jail?

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance
    • Nounverb911

      Melania?

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Rumor has it she is unhappy being FLOTUS. Poor dear.

        • FlownOver

          She’s FLOTUS? I thought she was an extra in that Andrew McCarthy-Kim Cattrall film.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Naked armies I could maybe get behind.

      • FlownOver

        Hey! Back up!

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        And I’ll get in front. But somehow I suspect the game we’re about to play is not leapfrog.

    • Serai 1

      So could I. With a posse and some bullwhips.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Actually, I would consider going to this rally, but only if he’s paying more than Soros does.

    • Hutch

      I am planning on going. With a group of resisters from Tallahassee. Should be a lot of yelling and insults both ways. Maybe I can get arrrested!

      • Msgr_MΩment

        I don’t have the capacitance to go. I think I’ll just stay grounded.

        • Nockular cavity

          At least try to stay current.

          • Hutch

            All I’ve got are vacuum tubes. But they work!

          • FlownOver

            Vacuums, eh? Do they suck as much as Dolt 45?

        • msanthropesmr

          Watch out for possible induction.

          • Hutch

            Hah! I am the one who inducts!

        • snark-lurker

          with a resister i hope

        • snark-lurker

          let us all chant together:

          Ooooohhhhhhmmm
          Ooooohhhhhhmmm

        • FlownOver

          Something something… with volts!

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Watt?

    • anwisok

      Collect from Donnie for attending (get paid BEFORE the rally), then protest while there and collect Sorosbux, also too. Win/win!

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Gosh, that sounds like a shady business practice! I can’t imagine what public figure could have inspired you to think that way.

        • anwisok

          I’d tell you, but I had to sign a NDA.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      If he offers you “exposure”, DON’T TAKE IT!!!!!!!!

    • Oneofthebobs

      I heard that he’s paying twice as much.

  • Nounverb911

    Trump does realize that his golf rounds per working day ratio is much higher than Bamz’s ever was already?

    • Martini Ambassador

      Yeah, but yanno, less black.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      It never bothered the Fox and Idiot Friends crowd that GWB spent way more time on vacation than Obama did.

      • Sandy Beaches

        RWNJ during the Bush Administration: The president is never really on vacation. RWNJ during the Obama Adminstration: He takes too many vacations. I wonder what their opinion is about Trump’s vacations. Ha ha. Who am I kididng. We are obviously back to, “the president is never really on vacation.”

        • cmd resistor

          Except Trump is pretty much on vacation even when he is sitting in the Oval Office….

        • beingreleased

          We all saw Trump working on the North Korea response in the middle of the dining room.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        But Obama went to exotic locales like Hawaii, if that’s even a real place.

        • cmd resistor

          It’s just a front for Kenya.

          • puredog

            Beat me to it.

      • Crank Tango

        VWB!

  • Martini Ambassador

    Speaking of living in denial (it’s not just a suburb of Philly): Trump claim of being ‘first in his class’ at Wharton was another lie

    • beingreleased

      My understanding was that he didn’t even go to Wharton. Wharton is the Graduate School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania. He went to Penn and attended some classes at Wharton. His degree is from Penn though.

      • Martini Ambassador

        Exactly:

        At other points in his career, Trump has claimed to have an MBA from Wharton, although Newsweek‘s Kurt Eichenwald confirmed
        that Trump never pursued post-graduate studies at Wharton and only
        attended the undergraduate program for two years, transferring in as a
        junior.

      • aureolaborealis

        He graduated from Wharton (a business school, both undergrad and grad) with a BS in Econ. I looked it up, because I had this conversation with another Penn grad, he said what you said, and I really wanted it to be true.
        Page 21:
        http://www.archives.upenn.edu/primdocs/upg/upg7/upg7_1968.pdf

        • FlownOver

          Dolt 45 a BS? Who woulda thunk it?

          • aureolaborealis

            Right? Trump is essentially the Wharton undergrad stereotype on steroids: Rich, entitled, ambitious, and not overburdened by intellect.*

            * I stole the last bit from P.G. Wodehouse.

    • cmd resistor

      Loved this line from that story: “The future reality TV star would show up to study sessions with classmates without having read the material, Calomaris said, and “didn’t seem to care about being prepared.”

      • Sandy Beaches

        I’m truly shocked by this revelation.

    • Crank Tango

      I’m sure he was the first something in his class.

      • FlownOver

        Top bottom, I’m guessing.

  • TJ Barke

    And by people they mean corporations.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Which I-75 exit is Nuremberg, again?

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Melbourne is on the coast so it is technically I-95.

    • puredog

      Will Leni’s ghost be working the kamera?

      • Latverian Diplomat

        He doesn’t like the artsy types…they keep trying to color correct the orange tint out of his skin tone.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO, SOROS!!!

  • OneYieldRegular

    I sincerely hope a f*ckton of “alt-supporters” will join him at that rally.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      It sounds like a lot of them were planning to get tickets. That could get ugly, though. It would still be interesting if half the crowd was made up of Indivisables.
      Actually, since those assholes call themselves Deplorables, maybe we should call ourselves Indivisibles.

      • puredog

        bigly ugly

  • Suttree

    Ooooh Turnip is going to take questions! Right now I mean.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    I’m not sure I’d want to go anywhere in Florida so soon after the janitorial staff had a Day Without an Immigrant.

    • Bebecca

      I’ve wanted to stay out of FL since the fall of 2000. Unfortunately my mother lived there at the time so it was impossible to do.

  • Nockular cavity

    Golf, golf, golf, golf.

    Smartest thing he’s ever said. And I hate fuckin’ golf.

    • Nounverb911

      I wonder if trump will drop in on the PGA Honda Classic Tournament being held in Palm Beach Gardens this weekend….

  • Nounverb911

    In the meantime, doonies visits are hurting businesses….

    https://twitter.com/pbpost/status/832287618826170368

    • Crank Tango

      Lol @ Feds. Who’s gonna stop this guy?

      • DahBoner

        Harrison Ford is the only one who can come close

        • wide_stance_hubby

          Life imitates art, bigly.

    • Serai 1

      He won’t care. So some losers don’t have jobs, so what? HIS PRESIDENCY IS GOING BIGLY. LALALALALA HE CAN’T HEAR YOU.

  • Crystalclear12

    I’m tired, could someone make the Nuremberg joke for me?
    Thanks.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      This seems topical.

      Two men meet. “Nice to see you’re free again. How was the concentration camp?”
      “Great! Breakfast in bed, a choice of coffee or chocolate, and for lunch we got soup, meat and dessert. And we played games in the afternoon before getting coffee and cakes. Then a little snooze and we watched movies after dinner.”
      The man was astonished: “That’s great! I recently spoke to Meyer, who was also locked up there. He told me a different story.”
      The other man nods gravely and says: “Yes, well that’s why they’ve picked him up again.”

  • ViveLaPersistence

    I have two tickets, if anyone wants them.

    • Suttree

      Will you pay me in liquor and cash?

    • Pilotshark

      I see what you are doing :-)

      guessing they are not two tickets to paradise.

  • Roadstergal
  • Nounverb911
  • FlownOver

    OT:

    Whiny Little Bitch is now parodying himself after naming Alex Acosta new SoL. Everything’s the fault of Obama and the media. Let’s see how many questions he takes from actual reporters vs. fluffers.

    • ltmcdies

      oh right, it’s having a presser, isn’t it

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      He keeps saying “I inherited a mess.” And all I can think is, “Sure, it’ll look like a mess if you only hire/appoint idiots who know nothing about government.” It’s not a mess; you’re too stupid to understand even the basics.

      • ltmcdies

        so, basically, Trump is going to whine, is that the gist of this presser….and likely the gist of his rally….

        • elviouslyqueer

          Also too, 306! 306! 306! ad infinitum forever.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Gosh, what if more protesters than supporters got tickets for his rally?

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Well, it was terribly unfair that he inherited an economy losing 800K jobs a month, banks collapsing, the stock market plummeting, and house prices losing 50% of their value…oh, wait, that was Obama.

    • beingreleased

      Rouge POTUS Staff says they screened questions from the press first:
      https://twitter.com/RoguePOTUSStaff/status/832263485232967685

      • elviouslyqueer

        Vee vill only answer questions vee believe are suitable.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Well, Acosta is slightly more qualified in that he is a former employment law attorney, former U.S. Attorney (his office prosecuted Jack Abramoff), he did serve on the NLRB, and he was an Assistant AG in the Civil Rights Division. Of course, these were all under President George W. Bush, so it’s not like he’s anything but a hard-line social conservative. But AFAIK he isn’t calling to replace minimum-wage workers with serfs or robots…so it’s not exactly a high bar.

    • puredog

      How can you tell when he is parodying himself? That would seem to be a very difficult task. (Telling, not parodying.)

  • DahBoner

    Any Special Guest Pee Hookers coming?
    https://media4.giphy.com/media/l2JhGzgqCFhJQooRG/200w.gif

  • Mavenmaven
  • Nounverb911
    • elviouslyqueer

      So. Much. Male. Cameltoe.

      • Roadstergal

        Remember when we had a sexy president??

        • Bebecca

          sexy, smart, cultured, empathetic and the list goes on and on. Those were the days.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Trump cheats at golf? Color me surprised.

      • SpideySenser

        Whuddathunktit?

  • elviouslyqueer

    This Saturday I will be baking many, many delicious King Cakes for a gumbo contest to benefit the Tennessee Equality Project. Perhaps the only time I will even remotely think about Herr Shitgibbon is when I take a potty break.

  • exinkwretch

    To be fair, West Palm IS nicer than Nuremberg this time of year.

    • Thaumaturgist

      You can go have sex with West Palm. I want to see the Trumpenproletariat march in Palm Beach.

  • Florida is also pretty close to the Caribbean in case any indictments appear over the weekend. It’s just a hop, skip, and a frantic plane ride over international waters to a non-extradition Island where you can enjoy your retirement and the loot you’ve stolen…

  • o’look Skwerl!

    You know. It been a few years since I held a rally to sooth my raging narcissism.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      “2020, here I come!”

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    He’s doing all that rally stuff live on TV right now!

    • Suttree

      He just said that his 306 ev was the highest since Raygun! WTF?

      • laughingnome

        Obama got 365 in 2008

      • Antonin Dvorak

        For a GOPer, maybe. But Clinton and Obama both surpassed 350 at least once.

        • Suttree

          GHWB got 426! So noooo dumbass!

      • Sandy Beaches

        Except for him, who the fuck cares? Jesus Hussein Christ. He needs to stfu.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Clinton, Obama and GHWB all beat him. Asshat.

        • Roadstergal

          And for popular vote, Hillz beat him. Never let him forget. It REALLY pisses him off.

  • chascates

    Trump is live saying he inherited a mess, we have great people in our military but they don’t have good equipment, it’s depleted, he got 306 electoral votes (he was told that was impossible), he’s following through on what he pledged to do and the media isn’t happy about that. And he says there is no chaos in his administration, it’s running like a fine machine except he can’t get his cabinet approved.

    • Thaumaturgist

      Actually, the military is running out of good equipment, the consequence of sequestration and more than fifteen years of war. http://breakingdefense.com/2017/02/navy-marine-f-18s-in-death-spiral-as-readiness-plummets/

    • PubOption

      Military equipment is depleted, he intended to use weapons-grade uranium bullets.

    • medcannabis1

      evidence for his mental instability….

    • puredog

      Thank you. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what that parenthetical (306) was doing in the middle of his tweet.

      • chascates

        A reporter just called him out and told him Obama, George H.W. Bush, and someone else had higher numbers of electoral votes. Trump said he won by a big margin and he was just told ‘306’ by someone.

  • Asterix

    I hope the protesters who show up actually outnumber the number of people who live in FL.

    Of course Herr Shitgibbon will claim they are his supporters…

    • Suse

      He said he’s hearing there will be “so many” people there.

  • TRUMP ON TEEVEE RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE:

    “It’s a mess. I inherited a mess. A mess.”

    Just wait until it’s a full on HOT MESS

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a85e4d39b5ce52ff035ba4410aafe0843aac054c4414bfe5d5a45db030a91222.png

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      no obama did, fuck face – stop whining. As usual it’s projection.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Dumpster Fire says what?

    • puredog

      Sorry, I’m very absorbed in this test pattern.

    • SpideySenser

      When did KaC go brunette?

  • Suse

    Drumpf on TV now – total crap, as usual. Praising his big win again and calling out the dishonest media.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    I tune in to Dolt 45’s presser a minute ago and immediately he’s lying.

    I had the largest Electoral College victory since Ronald Reagan. — small DJTs

    Huh?

    1984 (Reagan) 525 13 512
    1988 (Bush) 426 111 315
    1992 (Clinton) 370 168 202
    1996 (Clinton) 379 159 220
    2000 (Bush) 271 266 5
    2004 (Bush) 286 251 35
    2008 (Obama) 365 173 192
    2012 (Obama) 332 206 126
    2016 (Trump) 306 232 74

    • cmd resistor

      Well, it was the largest Electoral College victory for a cheeto-faced shitgibbon.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        For a post-African-American candidate. Show some respect.

  • snark-lurker

    there will be a skimpy crowd and the OPOS will say there was a vast conspiracy by the left to take all the tickets & then not show up

    • Celtic_Gnome

      That was my first thought when I saw the tweet with the link to get tix.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    More realistic headline: Trump requires moar narcissistic kibbles, plans to host sycophant rally.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    I need a bingo card for these pressers. Already I’d have: fake news; lying media; electoral college win; poll numbers. Still awaiting: leakers. You know it’s coming.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      and terrorism for SUPER BINGO!

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        Just got “wall”!

    • Suttree

      I have already shot 3 gallons of vodka.

    • Sandy Beaches

      “believe me” – I throw up in my mouth a LOT, every time the Orange One says that.

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        He already threw a “Big league.” VERY carefully pronounced.

        • Roadstergal

          Bigly enunciated.

      • puredog

        As an attorney, I have always gone by the rule of thumb that when a witness, other attorney, or anyone else prefaces a remark with “TBH” or “Believe me,” that remark will be anywhere from 25% to 100% false. Hasn’t let me down yet.

        • Sandy Beaches

          Definitely. But, there are lots of ways to determine if someone is lying. Usually, a person who provides too many details is lying because they don’t know how much information to provide in order to sound truthful. Trump is no exception to this.

        • FlownOver

          In the same way that “not really” means “yes.”

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      BINGO!
      ☻☺☻☻☻
      ☻☺☻☺☺
      ☻☻☻☻☻
      ☺☺☻☺☻
      ☻☻☻☺☻

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos
    • Thaumaturgist

      I am starving. This pic/comment is cruel and unusual.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        there’s a place in austin, the Stubbs restaurant – the same as sells the sauce. A lot of people think it’s sell out BBQ, but I like it.

        Anyway, they used to have dishes like that. So a “Major” was 3 meets (like brisket sausage and turkey up there) with two sides – and a “Minor” which was 2 meats and 1 side.

        I took the TX parents once when they were in town and TX dad finished his major and when the waitress asked how it was, he said, “Great, bring me another.” The lady goes, seriously? And he’s like, yup.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    Trump is that awful boss who is so bad, the company loses money every time he steps foot in the door. Eventually, it becomes obvious that it is far more cost-effective to pay him to stay away.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      I’ve had bosses like that. A day when they were out of the office was almost better than a vacation day.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        When you plan your vacation so as not to miss even one day without them.

  • puredog

    “. . .no, of course we’re going to watch in horror anyway. . ..”

    Good ol’ Dok. Taking one for the team again. Wild weasels couldn’t make me watch that shitgibbon at a rally.

    • Serai 1

      The clips of him I see on the late shows are enough to last me my whole life. Not gonna torture myself with any more.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    If he’s going to do the job part-time, can’t we just call one of those manpower companies and bring in a temp to save money?

    • ariel_gee_398

      He’s not taking a $400,000 salary, but he is wasting millions monthly on vacations. And we wonder how he lost money running a casino…

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i stiall seriously doubt the salary thing – I won’t believe it till i see some records on it (or preferably his tax returns).

        • ariel_gee_398

          I suspect he will take the salary then “donate” it to a “charity” that may or may not actually exist but definitely will never see the money.

          • LucindathePook

            Trump Fndn.

          • FlownOver

            Assholes With Borders would be my guess.

        • Serai 1

          Yeah, I can’t see this fucker turning down money. He’s the asshole who personally endorsed checks for 35 CENTS, remember.

    • Thaumaturgist

      Flynn was a temp. According to Brietbart, Priebus is a temp. Some people say KaC is a temp.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        Indeed they are. Absolute zero, to be specific.

  • Suse

    This Trump guy is absolutely nuts!

    • Paperless Tiger

      Feckin identity politics.

  • Reximus

    I think there’s a special SNL episode on CNN right now

    • Darrell Imaginarian

      Oh god. He looks like a bloated ferret about to bite.

      • Reximus

        Baldwin is killing it today

        • Msgr_MΩment

          We want Spicey! We want Spicey!

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        bloated ferret libelz!

  • Hutch
    • Doug Langley

      It’s a real wedge issue.

  • goonemeritus

    With his slipping popularity soon he will be able to hold these at the most convenient Denney’s.

    • Serai 1

      But there won’t be any dishwashers to cheer him on.

  • ViveLaPersistence

    Did you guys know that illegal drugs are cheaper than candy bars?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Thanks, Obama.

      EDIT: That’s why they call them “dimebags”, asshole.

  • bookish

    @ACLU
    Your rights at protests.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C4viVQ8WAAAjw_p.jpg

    • Serai 1

      I’m sure that will be a comfort as the pepper spray hits your eyes and the club your head.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    “That’s just a number I heard.” (District Court overruled 80% of the time)

    You’re the fucking POTUS, asshat. You can actually try to VERIFY the sludge that comes out of your hooker urinal mouth!

    • puredog

      As I understand it, it is the Ninth Circuit that is reversed 80% of the time. And even that statement is misleading, as it is apparently reversed 80% of the time as to cases that are reviewed in the Supreme Court (which is a vanishingly small number of its decisions). And though I know reversing the Ninth gives the SCt stiffies, I am just repeating that 80% number. Whatever the number is, though, it is high.

      • Roadstergal

        I think that’s in the ballpark, but as you say, the SCOTUS hears VERY FEW cases. The 9th rules on thousands and thousands of cases, and the vast majority of decisions stand. The ones that are appealed tend to have some sort of reason why they’re appealed, so only the ones with higher chances of getting overturned even get to the SCOTUS stage anyway, so it’s very misleading to look at that number.

        IANAL, and welcome correction from those who are.

        • FlownOver

          IAAL, and you’re spot on.

      • David Chaillou

        Trup is going to even those odds.

  • Trump just shocked the nation by proclaiming illegal drugs are now cheaper than candy bars.

    Should we ask “Where the hell are you buying your candy bars?” or “Where the hell are you buying your drugs?”

    • Roadstergal

      How much does a candy bar cost at his shitty hotels?

      • ariel_gee_398

        He’s thinking of minibar prices.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Well, the shitty cocktails start at $40.00, so someone who’s good at math should be able to work that up.

    • Serai 1

      And he should know, ’cause he’s obviously high as fuck.

  • goonemeritus

    Strange that he never held one of these in Ithaca NY.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Too many hills, which are even more dangerous than stairs.

  • Martini Ambassador
  • Creepoman

    “He’ll get to yell at the media and enjoy seeing his followers turn around and jeer at the press pen . . .”

    Hey, the media, here’s an idea – how about you grow a fucking spine and ignore the shit show altogether. Write a story afterwards that is simply a thorough debunking of every lie, but don’t give this fucker a megaphone. Let the Moron’s Messiah and his followers yell at the Infowars jack-offs.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      i still like the “Send in the interns” idea.
      Sounds perfect. They can cover it AND make a point.

      • LucindathePook

        And it’s good experience for the interns, like writing obits and covering car crashes.

  • Darrell Imaginarian

    The Trump administration is a finely tuned machine. The 3rd Circuit Court of Appeals is in chaos and turmoil.

  • bookish

    Our intelligence community is getting ready to gut Drumf. Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      There are patriotic Americans there. Tom Clancy couldn’t make this stuff up.

  • medcannabis1

    Trump is rambling like a dementia patient…. can he even read?

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      ii’m telling you guys, he’s cracking up.

    • Suse

      No. Plus he’s totally full of shit.

    • Thaumaturgist

      Trump having trouble reading? Ya think he might be dyslexic?

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        Nah, he just picked up the whole reading-right-to-left thing to kiss up to Bibi.

    • TJ Barke

      He can read, he just can’t comprehend anything.

    • Doug Langley
  • Reximus

    Uh…ferret-head: WSJ says Obama gave you a near full-employment economy

  • Suse

    Drain the swamp, American steel, Obamacare – it’s a disaster, folks, greatest cabinet in American history, blah, blah, blah… lie, lie, lie

    • Antonin Dvorak
      • Msgr_MΩment

        Easier to assemble, two.

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        Lowe’s has better installers.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      This doesn’t sound too much like an announcement of a new labor nominee. It’s like he’s just wandering around mentioning whatever crap he wants to.

      Also: Love that he keeps mentioning that campaign event in Florida. Sigh…

      • ltmcdies

        because campaigning after just a month in office is something every president does…

    • ltmcdies

      drain the swamp …. and fill it with those Goldman Sachs guys…

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    you folks are actually watching?

    • ViveLaPersistence

      No any more. What a rambling mess of nonsense.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      I’m only listening. I’m trying to eat lunch, here!

    • Suse

      Yeah, and it ain’t pretty.

    • Darrell Imaginarian

      I take breaks to smoke drugs.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        I’m saving up to try to buy a Snickers bar.

        • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

          2 for $1 at Kroger.

        • Wee Mousie

          You can eat two Impatient Bars before you save enough for a Snickers. I know they cost the same, but I’m just saying.

      • ViveLaPersistence

        If you paid more for those drugs than what a candy bar costs, you paid too much.

    • Serai 1

      Fuck, no. I can’t stand the sight or sound of that fucking baboon. I’ll wait for the reports (or disallowed comments). I can read.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    He thinks that the $100,000 Bar actually costs $100,000.
    Sad. Pathetic.

  • Hutch

    So who’s his high-class labor sec pick, FFS? Enough with the hogwallop, Donnie!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      BUSEY!

    • Wee Mousie

      Joe the Plumber.

  • Mary Sandoras

    OT: I think Rasmussen just broke their +5R bias rating.

    The Rasmussen Reports daily Presidential Tracking Poll for Thursday shows that 55% of Likely U.S. Voters approve of President Trump’s job performance. Forty-five percent (45%) disapprove.

    Gallup +40 -54

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      I’m listening in on the NYT feed which is annotated. The people who are annotating in real time said, “No one really trusts or pays attention to Rasmussen.” LOL

      • FrenchFriar

        Even Rasmussen admits it is weighted toward repubs.

        • CogitoErgoBibo

          I pulled the direct quote: For our readers, Rasmussen is not considered a reliable pollster by most people in the polling industry.

      • Mary Sandoras

        Nate Silver gave them a +5R bias. I think he’s going to need to update their bias rating.

  • Suse

    Russia – all fake news. No phone calls, no discussions, no visits.

  • FrenchFriar

    He is going on another vacation and calling it a rally.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    So, he’s admitting that was reported about his phone call with Australia is what actually happened? Thanks, Ferret Top.

  • Treehopper1104

    Well to be fair, Trump does seem dead set on destroying the environment, so burning as many fossil fuels as possible by flying to Florida once a week would be consistent with that goal.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • Thaumaturgist

      Granted, presidenting has hurt Ivanka’s fashion line. But 19% of a Russian oil company — if that tale is true — proves he does know how presidenting works.

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        No, it proves he knows how Putin works.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          he knows how grifting works

  • Reximus

    “Manafort is a very respected man”…or so Putin tells me

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Send him back to Kiev. Let’s hold a party for him to show how well respected he is.

    • cmd resistor

      Ok, I just figured out a plot twist for the international spy thriller movie. Supposedly Manafort has an apt. in Trump Tower. So ask yourself again WHY Melania is staying there during the week?

      • Notreelyhelping

        Deeeeep cover.

        • Wee Mousie

          That CREEP-E! And I don’t mean the Committee to Re-Elect the President Elect.

      • Tacoclamgenda

        Eeewwwwwwwwww

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Too bad it isn’t George Stone. Then, we could have a scene where Melania’s nails dig into the Dick Nixon on his back while he flails nonsensically on top of her.

        • cmd resistor

          Roger? I expect him to surface again somewhere.

  • Lizzietish81

    Not that it matters, President Bannon will be hard at work

    • TJ Barke

      You mean Obergruppenfuhrer Bannon?

    • FrenchFriar

      The more we say “President Bannon”, the more people will believe it.

      • Gosala

        I respect the office so much that I refuse to link any of their names with it.

        • FlownOver

          How about “So-called President _________”?

          • Gosala

            Orange tyrant works for me

          • Wee Mousie

            Ornithologists havq just logged a new species — a cross between the the Orange-Crested Peewit and the Tyrant Flycatcher. The resultant crossbreed, the Orange-Crested Peecatcher, is a bird which is most active at night and favors the wetlands of Russia.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            My new favorite is Dolt 45.

            And, yes, I heard it here first.

  • Suse

    What a fucking liar! No ties to Russia!

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      If them gums be flappin’, it be lies fallin’ out.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Who are you gonna believe? Donald J. Trump or some goddamn facts?

    • TJ Barke

      Cheesus Crust, he is like a fucking child.

      • Wee Mousie

        Except children grow up. At 70, Trump not so much.
        Not so much? Not at all, nil, nyet, nada, zilch, zero.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      The sixth-biggest electoral in the last eight elections. Respect.

    • Wee Mousie

      He won by 306 electoral votes this election. Just four years ago he didn’t win any votes. THAT’S PROGRESS!

  • Notreelyhelping

    I don’t hear Trump talking; I hear Trump + benzodiazepines talking. “My new top advisor, Mr. Clonazepam….”

    • Suse

      He’s really out to lunch, bigly.

      • Notreelyhelping

        “…and…this is Thursday, right?”

  • Suse

    Take him away – he’s insane.

  • Reximus

    LOLLLLL already busted on the EC vote lie

  • Msgr_MΩment

    “I was given that information. I’ve seen it.”

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      “And I liked it. It’s much better than the truth, so I keep repeating it.”

  • Bebecca

    He should call this the “Trump you are the greatest president in history” rally. Seriously, aren’t rallys usually held for a cause?

  • Suttree

    This will be the last press briefing that he has not received the questions 2 weeks before hand. And a teleprompter and an earpiece and an interpretive dancer……

  • Suttree

    Oh ffs he did not just bring up DPKR.

  • Suse

    Says the guy who talked about N Korea in the middle of his fucking dinner party!

  • Suse

    He respects reporters and can handle bad stories as long as they’re true!

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    The leaks are real, but the news (about the leaks) is fake. Say what?

  • Suttree

    Ratings!!! Drink and shoot an ounce of heroin into your eyeball!!!!

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Shit man, you’re playing for fucking keeps!

  • Suttree

    Hillary!!! Beat your head into a wall!

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    If you are watching the troll, all you’re are seeing is Trump’s empty sucking soul crying out for ego kibbles because he is a flaming narcissist, so he had to expend time and money to gather a dwindling base of sycophants in a vain attempt to quench his unquenchable thirst .

    • Suse

      “ego kibbles” – lol!

  • Suttree

    Krauthammer!!!! Cut a finger off and send it to a lost love.

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    Oh my god, the rager at the press in the opening is terrifying. Somebody do something and get this guy outta there.

    • Suttree

      He will bite the first person who tries to take him away! He is in rage mode!

      • Suttree

        I am waiting from him to froth!

        • Suse

          I’m waiting for a rage stroke.

          • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

            And waiting, and waiting…

      • Mildred Broxon

        Use a net, or a snake stick. Fer godsake don’t let him bite you, rabies shots are painful!

  • Scrofula

    Anybody who whines about Dems blocking his cabinet can point out he’s only even put up 5.3% for approval.

  • Reximus
  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Wow, what a dumpster fire of a press conference. Between the blatant lies and the pathetic pity party, this sounds like the mewling of your typical Yahoo troll…

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    A quick read of the new Labor Sec pick seems like a good guy and maybe he shoulda be AG instead of the racist little elf.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Yes, Donnie. you ARE a bad person

  • Darrell Imaginarian

    I can’t believe he’s still talking.

    • Suttree

      I can’t believe that they haven’t shot him with a tranquilizer dart.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        actually, the dart that Bannon hit him with before the presser is wearing off

        • Suttree

          That one was full of coke obvs.

  • Suttree

    Why do people hate me!!!!

    • Suse

      Fox & Friends love me.

    • Doug Langley

      M*A*S*H”

      “What I can’t understand is why everyone takes an instant dislike to me.”
      “It saves time, Frank.”

      • Suttree

        Ha! I watched the pilot yesterday. I love MASH!

        • Doug Langley

          Is that the one where Hot Lips gives a patient a shot, lifts his briefs, stares in recognition and screams “FRANK???”

  • Blackest Noobs

    i know it’s Florida, and they’re full of dipshits, but what if nobody shows up?

    like yeah some people will show up but what if they do not come out in the numbers he wants?

    WHAT THEN, AMERICA?!?

    • Thiazin Red

      Idea: Crowd fund an initiative to buy all the tickets, and then don’t use them. No one shows up and Trump is sad.

      • Blackest Noobs

        wtf…you have to buy a fucking ticket to attend?

        • puredog

          Hey — you don’t get those pearls of wisdom for free!

        • Doug Langley

          Ahem. We are talking about Donald, after all.

        • cmd resistor

          No, they are free. Supposedly there is a limit per phone # or something.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Since he’s basically the presidential equivalent of a domestic abuser, I assume some act of violence or emotional abuse aimed at the populace, after which he will tell us we made him do it and he only did it because he loves us.

    • Wee Mousie

      There would be a Yuuuge tempest at The Orlando-Melbourne International Airport in Florida which would be so severe it would cause a temporal shift back to Nov. 8th, 2016.

      • Blackest Noobs

        even more fun would be an unexpected tornado that kills Trump…..and rightwinging christians saying leftist conjure up Satan to do the dirty deed…but it was just AC/DC

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26wrvblgGP0

  • Suse

    They should all stand up, say “fuck you!” and walk out. He’s absolutely insane.

    • veska

      If only…

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    It’s like the cheating partner who says “It’s your fault for looking at the cell phone bill and calling that number!”

  • Jgb979

    President snowflake needs a safe space.

  • Suttree

    I feel like I am getting a contact high. I have totally been this high and been around people this high. Flashback!

    • Suse

      He’s just exhausting.

      • Darrell Imaginarian

        I’m just waiting for somebody to count how many times he said “Hillary Clinton” in this press conference. It’s got to be hundreds of times. Feels like it.

    • Notreelyhelping

      You ever really looked at your hands?

      • Suttree

        Their huge!!!!!!

  • Suse

    Reince is busy putting out fires and they’re fake fires!

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    I’M THE REAL VICTIM HERE!

  • Suttree

    “Lot’s of thing are done with uranium.”
    -some hobo under the bridge yelling about dental fillings

  • Suse

    Hillary’s cheap plastic button???

  • Darrell Imaginarian

    All America would cheer if Trump blew up the Russian ship. But he’s too proud a man to pander to the popular whims.

  • Notreelyhelping

    Who knew terrifying could be so fucking funny? And vice versa.

    • Suttree

      We have to laugh or else we would cry.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      He is such an utter buffoon.

      I DON’T HAVE TO TELL YOU!!!

      • Suse

        That reporter’s expression was priceless.

      • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

        “Petulant child” was the phrase that crossed my mind.

        • Wee Mousie

          With a petulant childlike vocabulary.

  • eggsacklywright

    How can anyone listen to that blathering moron without bustin’ out laughing?
    “We had a very, very, very good meeting. Many great things were talked about. We’ve got a major, major, major announcement coming soon. It involves truly great things, etc ad infinitum…”

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      I’ve got great superlatives. Super superlatives. The best.

  • Blackest Noobs

    Damnit Fred Trump, why oh why did you not fucking hug your son?!?

    and dads and moms out there….HUG YOUR SONS AND DAUGHTERS….don’t let them grow up to be so insecure and loathsome like Donald J. Trump!!!!

    • Résistance Land Shark

      🎶♪ Mommas don’t let your babies grow up to be trump like ♫♪

      • Wee Mousie

        🎶♪ Mamams Trump don’t let your babies grow up. ♫♪

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Fred was no prince, blame the granparents

      • Blackest Noobs

        so when ive gathered enough tachyons for my time machine, just eliminate the entire Drumpf clan in Germany or whateverfuckinstan his family came from…gotcha….IM ON IT!!!!

        • C4TWOMAN

          Nah, kill Hitler first. Then the alt-right that supports Trump wouldn’t exist. Always kill Hitler first.

          • Blackest Noobs

            that was a given…the Drumpf family is just a bonus.

          • Wee Mousie

            Kill Hitler’s grandfather before he meets Hitler’s grandmother, just in case it runs in the family.

          • C4TWOMAN

            Welp, Hitler’s dad was an asshole, so…

    • magyar of infinite power

      We hear about what a shit gibbon Fred was, but what was up with Mrs. Fred?

    • Lance Thrustwell

      ♫ Hug
      Your children well…♫

    • Wee Mousie

      In Little Donnie’s case, Fred should have hugged him with a pillow over his face — Little Dork Donnie’s or Big Bad Fred’s.

  • laughingnome

    Trying to banter with BBC reporter and failing big league.

    • Suttree

      At least someone finally told him to pronounce it something other than “bigly”.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    I love his new tell when he lies

    “I may be wrong but…” It’s his chickenshit way of inoculating himself for when he’s inevitably called out on the lie

    • Suttree

      It is just as bad as when he prefaces some with Honestly.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        or “believe me”. That really means “I’m about to tell a whopper”

        • CindyinEncinitas

          or “Go cut a switch.”

    • OrG

      I thought it was when his lips move.

    • Notreelyhelping

      “I may be wrong, but I am seven feet tall and have a twelve-inch dick. Next question?”

  • Suse
  • Suse

    Very insulting question!

    • Suttree

      You should be in a room somewhere with your little hat counting my money.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        Havah nagilah! Hell, have two, if that’s what it takes! Just get out of my way!

  • Suttree

    He just got laughed at before saying that he did well with blacks. He never actually got the words out because of the laugh.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      “Does anyone here think Hillary would have been tougher on Russia than I am?”

      umm, Putin certainly thought so…

      • ltmcdies

        When we actually see something you do that’s tough on Putin, we’ll have a comparison

  • laughingnome

    Look how he treated the Jewish reporter! Unbelievably rude and he didn’t answer the question about the rise in anti-semitic acts in recent weeks.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      despicable

      • laughingnome

        Bomb threats at my local JCC twice in the past few weeks. Just one example.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          there’s been an exponential rise in bomb threats and hate crimes, matched only by a similar uptick against Mosques. Fucking out of control racist Trumpanzees

          • laughingnome

            I attended a vigil at the JCC and there were several Muslims there in support. That was so great to see. Yes, hate against minority groups, Muslims, scapegoating, this is an awful time.

        • Suttree

          I’m sorry!

          • laughingnome

            It’s happening all over. So, it’s a big problem. Little kids being evacuated from daycare in the middle of the day. Sick.

          • Suttree

            As an atheist, I will punch any Nazis that I see (with or without votes. Maybe. Depends on the situation and threat). I believe and will fight for your freedom, right, and ability to practice your religion. I hope that this shit cools off, I know it will never stop.

    • Suttree

      That was really shitty.

    • cmd resistor

      He didn’t answer that same question yesterday, either, except to start talking about his electoral victory.

      • FlownOver

        His “306 votes” is the new “These go to eleven!”

    • magyar of infinite power

      He refused to answer it yesterday, so at least he’s consistent…

  • ariel_gee_398

    So…he still doesn’t know what DACA is?

    • Suse

      Is that the thing Frederick Douglass is working on?

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Him and Brad.

      • Mike Steele

        No, that’s the CBC, but he’ll get April to set up that meeting, since all blahs know each other…

    • The Wanderer

      Isn’t that a NASCAR sponsor?

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      It’s Da Affordable Care Act: Chicago’s plan to sabotage Drumpf’s sabotage of Obamacare. Send in the Feds!!1!

  • The Wanderer

    I was tempted to attend the Melbourne rally, but then I passed gas and felt better.

    • Wee Mousie

      Having a fart cross-ways can be worse than a brain tumor, depending upon the the fart and the brain.

  • eggsacklywright

    The wingnut buttlikker “reporters” are asking the very good questions.

    • Suttree

      I was pissing and making a drink. I missed it.

      • eggsacklywright

        Something about “exactly how wonderful is Melania, anyway?”

        • Notreelyhelping

          WE DON’T REALLY WANT TO KNOW.

  • Persistent Demme

    The site for rally tickets says it’s for his Re-Election campaign.
    Are you kidding me?!

    • cmd resistor

      Mostly likely some kind of financial grift reason behind all that.

      • magyar of infinite power

        Well then, I want to see the cancelled check from the campaign to the treasury for all the expenses.

        • cmd resistor

          So he can charge the campaign for Mar-A-Lago expenses somehow, who knows, but if there’s a way to pocket $$, he will find it.

          • wavicles

            I saw that he charges all the Secret Service vehicles overnight parking. I’m sure it goes on and on like that.

          • cmd resistor

            What a sleazebag.

    • Notreelyhelping

      Unfortunately…no.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      He filed for 2020 actual minutes after the yooge urinaguration. It’s so he gets to keep his urinaguration donations and charge his campaign to rent his bed at Mar-a-Lago.

    • Wee Mousie

      Well, you must admit, his re-election is in jeopardy.

      • FlownOver

        What is “No fucking way in Hell,” Alex?

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      He certainly is a CREEP.

  • Suse

    This is so bizarre. He’s absolutely crazy.

    • Wee Mousie

      Or alternately, that is so bizarre. He’s absolutely crazy!

  • Suse

    Katy Tur just called it a Festivus airing of grievances.

    • ltmcdies

      And Katy wins the ‘net

      • Darrell Imaginarian

        and my heart. Loins. Whatever.

        • Longstreet63

          Loins are more fun, but hearts are generally low fat if properly trimmed.

    • Rick Hill

      Festivus comes daily in trumplandia

  • Mr. Blobfish

    That guy is such a divisive.

  • Markuserektus

    President Donald Trump called a hastily arranged press conference Thursday in the East Room of the White House, where he launched into a startling attack against the media.

    Trump also defended the chaotic first month of his presidency, claiming that he had “inherited a mess” from President Barack Obama and that his administration “is running like a fine-tuned machine.”

    “I’m making this presentation directly to the American people with the media present … because many of our nation’s reporters and folks will not tell you the truth and will not treat the wonderful people of our country with the respect they deserve,” Trump said. (HuffPo)

    • Longstreet63

      Is it still “startling”?
      I’m thinking it’s more of a “Typical” at this point.

    • Résistance Land Shark
    • Résistance Land Shark

      “I’m making this presentation directly to the American people with the media present … because many of our nation’s reporters and folks will not tell you MY VERSION OF the truth opinions of my staff and will not treat the wonderful people of our country with the respect they deserve,” Trump said.

      FTFY

    • Rick Hill

      “They keep lying to everyone by showing them video of me saying things. So dishonest and misleading.”

      • Wee Mousie

        Who are you going to believe a Uuuge politician like me, or your lying eyes and unedited video going back for years and decades?

    • yyyaz

      “Inherited a mess….” No, little fuckface, you are the one who brought in the nest-shitters.

  • Beaufighter

    So much golf.

  • cmd resistor

    Wapo has most of it in transcript form now and they will annotate it later. Pretty horrifying.
    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2017/02/16/donald-trumps-grievance-filled-press-conference-annotated/?utm_term=.8254a5f06a39

    • NastyBossetti

      I have a project going, where I take transcripts of his remarks and turn them into found poems. I will have to add this one to my list.

      • cmd resistor

        LOTS of material there.

    • Biff52

      Good lard, and I thought palin was hard to follow.

    • bobbert

      Holy shit, still pulling numbers out of his ass.

  • capnkrunch

    Rallies are not something sitting presidents do. They are something that tin-pot dictators do…

    • Biff52

      He hasn’t even begun to govern yet, and he’s already campaigning for 2020.

      • Wee Mousie

        I both hope and fear that will be Trump’s legacy, by which he will go down in history, “I have not yet begun to govern.”

        • Biff52

          He’s only got until Monday to beat President Harrison’s record of only 32 days.

          • Wee Mousie

            If so, it won’t be from pneumonia carrying him off, it will be from 45’s head exploding. Future elementary school students studying history wouldl get quite a giggle out of that.

      • Mike Steele

        Also, too, collecting campaign funds…

        • FlownOver

          🎶And the grift goes on, the grift goes on…

          • Rickyphoo

            Speaking of which… Where is our Snowbilly Grifter Sarah? Does she know she’s missing out on all this Tremendous grifting?

      • Rags

        He has already filed for his 2020 candidacy. True dat.

    • eggsacklywright

      Maybe he’ll do night rallies soon.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        But will he be able to resist showing up in a monster truck?

      • Mehmeisterjr

        What aspiring Leni Riefenstahl will be his pet directrix?

        • leemoder

          You just know that Michael Bay’s sporting a chubby at the thought…

    • Wee Mousie

      You are forgetting the Nuremberg rallies which Hair Furor’s Nerfenbog Clam Bakes and Corn Roasts are based upon, except I don’t believe there were quite so many protesters at Der Fuehrer’s shindigs as there are at Hair Furor’s worm wrassels.

      • capnkrunch

        Good point. I suppose you can’t really call Hitler a tin-pot dictator. I should have said “…something that tin-pot dictators and actual Hitler do”. Ah…I miss the days when Godwin was still in effect.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          I just realized that Godwin is suspended for the duration.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        He’s not a real monster unless he serves canned clams.

    • Bill Slider

      Well?

  • cmd resistor

    So much to choose from in the transcript as most ridiculous, but this (talking about Flynn’s phone call not being a bad thing) just jumped out: “As far as — as far as the actual making the call, fact I’ve watched various programs and I’ve read various articles where he was just doing his job.”

    • TakingAmes

      Right? He can’t determine for himself whether his aides are doing their jobs, he has to watch TV and “read” articles.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        And not just programs and articles. Various programs and various articles.

        He has a terrific brain, the greatest.

      • phoenix00

        Even the “crooked” and “fake” ones!

    • Rickyphoo

      I think someone should have point out to our “Supposed President” that at the time of the calls, Flynn did not officially have a job.

      • cmd resistor

        Paul Ryan said the same thing, just doing his job, you know, “calling countries.”

  • Wee Mousie

    The Rumpt Administration has set a new world record for shooting off their foot by shooting off their mouth, and not even all their feet stuffed into their mouths can save them from that because of the derpitude of the Rumpt Administration.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
  • CindyinEncinitas

    I’m sure in his head there’s a reviewing stand and the military will let him borrow some tanks and shit that they will drive down the street so he can clap his tiny hands in delight. Maybe Melania can design a smart-looking uniform for him to wear. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ac79e7f77b5c4c87c3f4cd4b668848c2eabf6e39e11e19b2bba7659010ec408f.jpg

    • whitroth

      That’s silly. If Trumpolini was wearing that many, *all* of them would have his face on them.

  • whitroth

    Wait, Wonkette – the rally’s AT THE AIRPORT?!

    Have they notified the airport authorities? The FAA? The FREAKING AIRLINES THAT ARE TRYING TO FLY ALL THOSE TOURISTS INTO DISNEY WORLD, TO DESPERATELY PRETEND THEY’RE IN THE REAL WORLD, AND NOT THIS HORROR FANTASY?

    Wonder how much it’s going to cost just the airlines, not even talking about the airport… oh, that’s right, that’s a *smaller* airport….

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      It was the easiest place for the Russian Puppet to rendezvous with Russians from the submarine. They have new orders from the Criminal to pass along.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Trump has also set the record for the fastest negative approval rating in the history of public opinion. That is one factual feat the fat fetid fuck could mention…

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Oh…That’s so cute…tiny hands is having a play date with his friends…I wonder if Mommy Bannon and Daddy Putin will be there.

  • gratuitous

    Speaking of huge, like Donald Trump’s huge electoral victory, for some reason he keeps saying that he won with 306 electoral votes. The real number is 304. Now, we all know that some men like to pretend that 4 is really 6, but shouldn’t President Trump get this number right, fer crissakes? It was in all the papers, even the fake ones.

  • azeyote

    is it still a rally if nobody goes to it – ah – and what all the crazy that would cause –

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    Oh goody, the Arirang Ass Games.

  • TakingAmes

    That’s okay. Flynn lied to the FBI and got caught, because recordings. I’m currently taking bets on how long it takes good ol’ Jefferson Beauregard to find no reason to issue charges against him.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Didn’t you get the word from Rand Paul? Republicans don’t investigate Republicans. It’s inefficient and gets in the way of repealing Obamacare.
      (Poe alert: not snark; this is literally what he said.)

    • The FBI has already declined to pursue a case against him. Serious conspiracy here. That’s all I can say.

  • Kooolest G

    If anybody wants to get free tickets to this event you can get them here https://www.donaldjtrump.com/schedule/register/melbourne-fl-2017/
    The wife already picked up a couple tickets for us. Not sure if we’ll be able to fly all the way across the country to see it, boy it sure would be a shame if word got out to all the real Americans in crackerville Florida that the rally was all sold out and they didn’t show up.

    • Weevie

      Funny, I hit the link and my screen scrolled to “I am not a robot.”
      Well, I think you are, if not Pence surely is!

      • leemoder

        Keep all of your medications away from Pence. He eats them for fuel.

  • Weevie

    Should be some great vids coming out of this. Yep, the good old days with all the cussin’ and hatin’!
    End of story. Why do those old farts always say that like it makes them sound impotent?

  • Bill Slider

    An airport rally, near Disney world, cool. Will it be on the runway? Will there be counters? Have the alligators been invited?

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Every day he is out of DC is a good day for America. And for those of you who say “What if there is an emergency ?”
    All the more reason for him to be outside DC.

  • Stupid Monkey – Call me Stu’

    The heroin of the egotist… Blind praise.

  • sosuume
    • phoenix00

      George Soros looks like a pro by comparison. Com’on, Donnie, do it right!

  • jackaroe
  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Stage a rally where only your rabid idiot fans will appear, and soak in their adoration.
    Say, you know who else . . . ah fuckit. Too easy.

  • handyhippie65

    i got an old friend in melbourne. he won’t be there i hope. he had some sense, but he has been in fla. for a long time.

  • And of the 36 positions having nominees, none of the properly vetted before nomination, none of them completing their FBI and ethics paperwork in a timely fashion, and none of them prepared for the confirmation process on day one of his administration. So, yeah, it’s the Democrats fault that he doesn’t have his cabinet in place yet.

    Can’t we all just start pissing on this dumpster fire and put it now already please?

  • Shirleyareichert

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !di196c:
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    !di196c:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs485DirectPowerGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!di196c:….,……..

  • jackaroe

    It’s a crutch!!!

    http://playola.co/p/2c16d7

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