SHARE
Calling Dr. Bombay! Emergency! Come right away!

It is a known fact that it is generally a poor idea to take any medical advice from Gwyneth Paltrow, lest you end up with a steam burn on your vadge (fine, vulva, whatever), bee poison all over your face, or getting toxic shock syndrome from a mystical jade egg in your vadge (the actual, clinical vadge, not the vulva).

But what about medical advice Gwyneth gets from a dude who is a medical medium and gets super legit medical advice from Casper the Friendly Ghost, MD? Is that a good idea?

Oddly enough, it is not!

Gwyneth’s ghost talking friend is one Anthony William, who claims he has the ability to diagnose medical problems through a spirit that talks to him, and who is a better doctor than all of the real medical doctors in the whole world. He has had this “ability” since he was a child, according to his website:

Anthony William was born with the unique ability to converse with a high-level spirit who provides him with extraordinarily accurate health information that’s often far ahead of its time. When Anthony was four years old, he shocked his family by announcing at the dinner table that his symptom-free grandmother had lung cancer. Medical testing soon confirmed the diagnosis.

For over 25 years, Anthony has devoted his life to helping people overcome and prevent illness—and discover the lives they were meant to live. What he does is several decades ahead of scientific discovery. His compassionate approach, which takes into account well-being on every level, not just physical health, has time and again given relief and results to those who seek him out.

Anthony’s unprecedented accuracy and success rate as the Medical Medium have earned him the trust and love of thousands worldwide, among them movie stars, rock stars, billionaires, professional athletes, best-selling authors, and countless other people from all walks of life who couldn’t find a way to heal until he provided them with insights from Spirit.

Anthony has also become an invaluable resource to doctors who need help solving their most difficult cases. He is the author of the New York Times Best Selling book, Medical Medium: Secrets Behind Chronic and Mystery Illness and How to Finally Heal.

Wow, it sure is weird that Dr. Quinn Medicine Spirit only helps rich people with “mystery illnesses,” rather than, say, curing leper colonies and communities devastated by the spread of HIV/AIDS.

According to the preface for his most recent article on GOOP, Anthony William uses his spirit to diagnose things like a “benign growth near the liver, an over-taxed adrenal system, or a rare blood disorder that might become a nuisance.” Instead of prescribing medicine, which he can’t do, because he’s not an actual doctor, Jacob Barley over here recommends “common sense cures” like unwashed blueberries, spirulina, and iodine.

Anyhow, in this article for GOOP, Anthony William explains all about thyroid problems, which he claims are caused by Epstein-Barr Virus (the virus that gives you mono).

In over 95 percent of today’s thyroid disorders, including Hashimoto’s and even thyroid cancer, Epstein-Barr virus (EBV) is the cause. (The other 5 percent of thyroid problems come from radiation exposure due to chest X-rays, dental exams, and/or plane travel.) Which is to say, it’s not your own immune system that’s causing hypothyroidism (underactive thyroid), hyperthyroidism (overactive thyroid), thyroiditis (inflammation of the thyroid), or nodules, cysts, tumors, and tissue damage to the thyroid gland. It’s EBV.

WOAH if true! Except it is not at all true! The world’s preeminent Gwyneth debunker, Dr. Jen Gunter, explains:

Dr. Christofides says that EBV is just like any virus and Hashimoto’s, like all other autoimmune diseases, can be induced by a variety of environmental triggers in a genetically susceptible individual. So virus + genetic issue can = autoimmune condition. There is nothing special about EBV in this regard. Also, she correctly pointed out that ionizing radiation causes cancer, not hypothyroidism. If you’re going to fear monger over radiation at least get the condition right.

Another thing responsible for your Hashimoto’s or other thyroid problem? An iodine deficiency!

Iodine is a disinfectant, effective at killing both viruses and bacteria. You’ve probably used it or heard of it being used as an antiseptic to clean wounds and prevent infection. When it’s in someone’s system, either through diet or supplementation, iodine applies this same germ-fighting ability. This also means that someone with an iodine deficiency is more vulnerable to bacterial and viral infections. So if you have a thyroid infection of EBV that’s causing hypothyroidism and/or Hashimoto’s, you don’t want to be iodine deficient, because it can translate to greater EBV susceptibility.

You know what people don’t actually have too often anymore? Iodine deficiencies! That’s because we put iodine in salt a long time ago, and people need so little iodine that this pretty much covers you. If you take iodine and are not actually iodine deficient, it can actually screw with your thyroid and cause hypothyroidism.

Dr. Gunter’s article also explains that while iodine works as a topical disinfectant, it is not a good idea to use it as an internal one. Just like how you wouldn’t swallow a bottle of Neosporin to fight off a cold. Alas, this is one of the pitfalls of getting medical advice from a Ouija board.

It would be one thing if the advice Gwyneth was spreading was essentially harmless woo. Like how I convinced some middle school jocks that they could get high from huffing opium scented incense and sticking cotton balls soaked in cod liver oil in their ears. But it’s not. These things could actually have very bad effects on your health, and you should not do them. Or, at the very least, consult an actual, corporeal doctor before you attempt any.

(Happy Valentine’s Day Wonkers! In lieu of the candy, flowers and jewels I know you were planning to send me for the purposes of declaring your undying love and devotion, I ask you please donate some money in the money donating thingie below so that Wonkette can continue giving me freelance work! #ROMANCE)

[GOOP | Dr. Jen Gunter]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Nounverb911

    “through a spirit that talks to him”
    Nancy Reagan’s ghost?

  • Nounverb911
    • arglebargle

      Whoa if true.

    • OneYieldRegular

      I love this.

  • Ricky Gay

    “getting medical advice from a Ouija board” – I LOLd!

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Gee. I had my hypothyroidism diagnosed by a laydee doctor who prescribed me old-fashioned pharmaceuticals. I must be doing it wrong.

    • Martini Ambassador

      Well, you said “laydee” and then you said “doctor,” as if such a thing existed.

      • snark-lurker

        uh oh, you’re gonna get it now

        • Martini Ambassador

          I’d worry about that, but my flighty laydee brain can’t worry about such weighty things. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

    • SweetDeeKat

      Them blood tests are the work of the devil. He’s just putting sin in yer mind.

  • Martini Ambassador
  • Bill D. Burger

    Sheet’! A real healer like Fundie TEAlibangelical Con man Benny Hinn could heal that stuff with just a wave of his coat. (OH…and a substantial $$$$ ‘love gift’!)

    “Be healed, you fuckers! The power of Christ commands it.”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/780659cbf4747f5da850b90e7bd8e5cec34f77683fa2b79ded5461d69e2c9963.gif

    • Creepoman

      And all I can hear in my head is the theme song to Benny Hill.

    • Mr. White

      Best. Clip. Ever.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Is this shit real? I just googled. Holy fuck! So that’s a couple thousand years of progress down the drain.

    • mailman27

      Dayum. And I just wasted half my Social Security on miracle spring water. It was a sport coat the whole time.

    • aureolaborealis

      “Well you say that it’s gospel
      But I know that it’s only church”

    • Naytch

      Well, he certainly wasn’t going to give them the shirt off his back!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Is the ghost named “Galen”?

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Pepper, Pepper, Pepper.

    You are not Natasha Romanoff. Get over it.

    • Suttree

      Oh right. I forgot that she had been in a movie in the past decade.

  • Creepoman

    Gwyneth is a quack. I only take medical advice from General Ripper and will continue to substitute vodka for tap water (and now table salt). Ever seen a commie drink a glass of water?

  • Life rule 1043: The only time you should take advice from a ghost is when it audibly tells you to “Get out” of its house.

    • Vacuous Virgina

      What color is a ghost?

      Boo!

    • Tiny kaiju

      If a ghost tells you to “Get out” you should do so with all expediency. Do not stop to retrieve your personal belongings or to clean your now soiled trousers.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Say, Gwen, you know what else we have to say about your medical malpractice-y bullshit?

    http://static4.worldofwonder.net/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/unnamed-15.gif

  • memzilla Ω

    …couldn’t find a way to heal until he provided them with insights from Spirit.

    Mr William begins his consultations with “Eenie Meanie, Chili Beanie.”
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/32edfb6302c6c167273795fad019b29374f3d943a945847556fbfc669cddc93e.png

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Are they friendly spirits?”
      “Friendly? Just listen!”

  • Shibusa

    You have goiter be kidding me, Gwyneth.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Iodine these puns … no, I’m not good at this.

    • PubOption

      This is cretinous.

  • Jgb979

    Signs of how terrible health care still is in this country: people are turning to Gwenneth Paltrow’s spirit medium to check their thyroid levels.

    I had to get mine taken out because it was swollen to the size of a baseball and choking me in my sleep. If Dr xenu investigates my thyroid hole will he see nothing but the black void of an existential crisis that will consume his soul?

    • anwisok

      Only one way to find out!

  • Suttree

    Just shut the fuck up Gwyneth. People will still give you money, if you sit in a chair very quietly. I cannot even remember why you are famous.

    • Nounverb911

      Blythe Danner/Bruce Paltrow.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Pepper Potts.

        • marxalot

          Am I the only person who thinks that Lisa Kudrow is built on the same model, only funnier and not as thin, and probably could have brought a lot to that character?

  • Michael R

    Hey Trump – you missed a spot …

    https://s7.postimg.org/othrwbj97/trump_bronze.jpg

    • arglebargle

      Fake president with fake hair and fake tan and fake marriage hates fake news.

    • marxalot

      It’s like he applies the bronzer with a comically oversized puff

    • PubOption
      • aureolaborealis

        I worked with a guy in the 90s who used this shit. He sat at a computer that the rest of us would walk past in the course of our jobs. So we could look down onto the top of his head. It was punishingly sad and depressing.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Huh. According to the TARDIS Data Core :

    Anthony Brian Williams was the adoptive American son of Rory and Amy Williams, and thus the adoptive brother of River Song (Melody Pond) and brother-in-law of the Doctor.

    You learn something new everyday.

  • Crystalclear12

    As someone with Hashimoto’s let me be the first to tell him and her to piss off for belittling a serious condition.

    • Tacoclamgenda

      Right with you on this. It ca be so confounding as it is without this shit.

  • schmannity

    Is there any treatment for persistent Gywneth Paltrow pain in the ass?

    • Suttree

      Alcohol.

    • snark-lurker

      every time i see your mug-thingie put a piece of tape over it on monitor and WOULD PLEASE STOP MOVING IT AROUND!

  • dslindc

    I thought the cure for everything was coconut oil?

    • Oblios_Cap

      I thought it was blowjobs.

      • marxalot

        They may not fix what’s wrong, but you’ll feel better!

        • Oblios_Cap

          Isn’t that what really matters?

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        Fake news! Mr Hontas keeps telling me that, but after all these years he’s still bald!

        • Oblios_Cap

          Does he have hairy palms?

  • jodyleek

    This broad also sells $72 candles on her website. $72. For a candle.
    Jesus. Who buys this shit?

    • dslindc

      Other insufferable people with too much money.

      • jodyleek

        Oh, but it smells like (and I shit you not) snow. Snow.
        And smoke. Is she saying it smells like an ’80s era drug dealer’s living room? So retro.

        • dslindc

          I don’t want either of those smells in my apartment . . . and I don’t have a $72 candle budget, so I guess I’m passing.

        • Given that I spent a good part of yesterday morning shoveling the snow from Sunday’s snowstorm, I can attest that snow does not smell. Not unless it’s the yellow snow, in which case, it smells like piss.

    • snark-lurker

      donut have sell very many

  • ImPEECH!

    I really, really hope Melania restores for her adoring public the much-missed and keenly followed consultation of the stargazers and soothsayers in continuing the grand tradition Former First Lady Nancy Reagan established with her cohort Jeane Dixon.

  • memzilla Ω

    White House Press Briefing in ten minutes (live stream linky here).

    Today’s medical question: which prescription medicine(s) is/are Sean Spicer taking now for anxiety and depression, and which booze(s) is/are he mixing it/them with? This is an open-book quiz.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot
  • TJ Barke

    I’m incredulous at Paltrow’s credulity.

  • Tiny kaiju

    Paging Dr. Bombay. Dr. Bombay. The reason iodine is important to your thyroid function is because it is part of the 2 major thyroid hormones, neither of which are anti- septic.
    And radiation is use to destroy thyroid cancer, by not so lightly toasting the whole thyroid. Honestly sir, my witch doctor at least knows when to put the lime in the coconut and when to prescribe Synthroid.

    • dslindc

      “Did someone say Bombay?”

      -Sister Peggy Noonan

      • snark-lurker

        if yes did they mean Black Bombay?

        • snark-lurker

          or Bombay Black? is’s been awhile

        • Tiny kaiju

          In Peggy’s case, it’s drink Bombay until you black out.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    Haldol will take care of the voices he hears

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Shibusa
    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Would be a great illustration for that women’s magazine feature “Can This Marriage Be Saved.”

      • Suttree

        With a few hundred million and ALL of the pool boys.

        • Patriciadflowers

          Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !dr186c:
          On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
          !dr186c:
          ➽➽
          ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs475DirectUnionGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!dr186c:….,….

    • Michael R
    • OneYieldRegular

      Trump’s tie is red
      Melania is blue
      These roses smell rancid.
      LAWSUIT.

    • aureolaborealis

      Imagine. You think you’ll be set for life. Just have to bang this fat troll every now and again and you and your family will never again want for anything. It’s not like your noisome arrangement will be paraded in front of the world on a daily basis. I mean, thank god for that, right? Otherwise the situation would quickly become intolerable.

      • SadDemInTex

        You also have to have a baby because you have to have a hold on the estate of fat troll even if he divorces you for a younger model. (I’ve seem many many trophy wives of wealthy men get preggers as soon as possible).

    • Incoming (AKA Large) Ham

      She’s praying that the secret service doesn’t stop the divorce papers from being delivered to Trump.

  • dslindc

    “Gwyneth’s medical advice is absolutely sound. Period!”

    -Sean Spicer

    • Oblios_Cap

      Crystals, or GTFO.

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Shut up, Melissa!

  • MizzMazz

    So sick of this shit! Thought we got over it in the 80’s/90’s with Ramtha, John Edwards, what ever woo hustler was popular at the time. I blame people like Goopy and Oprah for foisting this on the masses, and lending them credibility. I used to be into all this crap, but I learneded. Still a second degree Reiki practitioner, if that can do anything for anyone (no, it’s can’t).

    • arglebargle

      “Dr.” Oz is proudly going forward. Standing on the shoulders of giants.

  • Hutch

    I wonder if “Doc” Williams could divine why my dog keeps getting his anal gland infected? That would actually be helpful!

  • Suttree

    Am I supposed to feel bad for anyone who gives their Ameros to this *checks name* asshole? Because I’m having a real hard time trying to find wherever I hid my fucks at.

  • BearGHAZI

    FUCK all my ghosts are low-level and they just scream at me to eat more donuts

    • snark-lurker

      mee too & i do wut they say

      • Tacoclamgenda

        Me too also

    • Tacoclamgenda

      OMG, are you me???

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Rock stars go to him? That’s all the endorsement I need to know.

    • Suttree

      He probably knows where to score, when those blueberries don’t work out.

    • SpideySenser

      Depends upon if it’s Brian May, PhD or (loosely applied term “rock star”) Kid Rock.

  • Fartknocker

    Gweny is so full of shit. When I need a medical treatment for anal polyps or ass rashes I always reach out to Miss Cleo. She was a preferred provider in ACA (which Trump will fuck up royally) and she made Soros billions. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e5992a2baff367dee27cf342f031b708850dcd9fa758e442d9fab48341787b3a.jpg

    • Marsupial

      But now she’s gone. :-( I wonder if she saw that coming?

  • Jenny

    Everybody has different force powers. Some are masters of light saber combat, others master the elements. Jedi Master William communes with the midiclorians.

  • canes_pugnaces

    I think there is a decent chance the entire world is being drugged.

    • Tacoclamgenda

      Would pretty much explain everything.

    • Daru Titor

      I thought it was everybody being insane and not noticing it(b/c they’re insane).

  • Ilgattomorte

    You cannot get medical advice from a ghost! You need to communicate with a fourth dimensional ethereal being from the future for that. I mean think about it, the average ghost has been dead for a long time. Many of them aren’t even familiar with modern medical techniques, but a trans-dimensional spirit from the 4th dimension, now there is an invisible being you can trust.

    I work a lot with Norgrrah and he’s brilliant.He can see right past your Aura, just though your Chi, making a left at your Soul, to get right into your Essence, where he can make a proper diagnosis. When he tells you something, you’ve got to believe it because he’s from the future and they know a lot more stuff than we do, certainly more than some old ghost.

    Unfortunately, while his diagnosis is really, really accurate, most of the time Norgrrah will just let you know that you’re going to die, because your cure hasn’t been invented yet … you know, because of the future and all. So, while he’s 100% right all of the time, he can be a bit of a downer sometimes.

    Still, you’ve got to admit, it’s pretty cool and way better than ghosts

    • SqueakyRat

      Or at least get a second opinion.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Can only talk to one spirit? Amateur.

    • marxalot

      For real. I used to commune with an entire cabinet of ministering spirits!

      • JustDon’tSayPeriod.Period!

        There’s Jack, and Jim, and Johnny, and Jose…

    • Gwynneth, gin and white rum (and cointreau and lemon juice) is a Maiden’s Prayer

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Donald Trump’s Valentine gift to himself was almost as good as the one he got Putin #goldplateddildo

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    So uhm, who’s this doctor spirit he talks to? Because I’m thinking this ‘psychic’ might be getting his medical advice from listening to Dr. Dre, “bust a cap in that bitch and then let me ride!”

  • Carpe Vagenda

    There’s a ton of iodine in seaweed. Have some supermarket sushi, you’regood.

    • Shan McStroppyPants

      I heard there’s more in gas station sushi.

      • MeerkatsRMammals

        More trips to the toilet maybe…

  • mardam422

    When Anthony was four years old, he shocked his family by announcing at the dinner table that his symptom-free grandmother had lung cancer. Medical testing soon confirmed the diagnosis.
    Once at the dinner table, I told my symptom-free brother that he was going to have my foot shoved up his ass. That diagnosis was also confirmed later.

    • Tiny kaiju

      This made me cackle gleefully.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        One time, at dinner, my dad told my brother to put some pants on.

        • Tiny kaiju

          My spouse claims that he stabbed his brother in the hand with a fork for trying steal food off of his plate. I still don’t know whether to believe him or not.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            I did that to my ex on a date. He never tried to eat from my plate again.

      • mardam422

        My work here is done.

  • Raan

    Oh God.

    So…it’s the medical equivalent of Beyond: Two Souls.

    I SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO COMPARE MEDICAL INFORMATION TO A DAVID CAGE GAME

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I dunno. Does David Wolfe trust him?

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    I never knew Dr. Bombay was played by Sen. Jim Webb. He was supposed to be in Vietnam.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I only trust this guy:

    https://youtu.be/h2rI_H93uoU

    • DainBramage

      I prefer to ingest alt-remedies like coconut oil at homeopathic levels. That way, I can enjoy a nice glass of water without a single molecule of the “remedy.”

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        If I can’t have expensive, mineral-rich urine, I don’t want to go on living.

  • mardam422

    “…or a rare blood disorder that might become a nuisance.”
    Just try to find one of those so-called doctors with a degree and licenses and stuff to help you with that!! HEENNNGGGGGHHH!!

  • shastakoala

    So drinking iodine and baby oil won’t give me a tan?

    • FlownOver

      Donald? Is that you?

  • Gayer Than Thou

    When Anthony was four years old, he shocked his family by announcing at the dinner table that his symptom-free grandmother, WHO SMOKED A PACK OF CIGARETTES AT DINNER TIME ALONE, had lung cancer. Medical testing soon confirmed the diagnosis.

    • Jenny

      My son told me I have cancer of the butt so I guess I better believe him!!!

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      It reads as though she was taken in for testing because of what the 4 year old said so stupid obviously runs in the family.

  • Is anyone starting to wonder if Gwynnie P. actually hates rich white women with too much free time? Because she has been giving SHOCKINGLY BAD “medical” advice to them for years now. I mean, that vadge egg thing could actually, literally kill you (it could cause Toxic Shock Syndrome).

    • Latverian Diplomat

      You don’t have to be stupid to be a celebrity, but it helps?

  • The Wanderer

    Here we are again.

  • FlownOver

    That’s it… I’m selling my shares of Stark Industries.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Pepper Potts Libelz!!1!11

  • MeerkatsRMammals

    Surely nothing bad will happen when you take medical advice from a celebrity and/or ghost…

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I’m just glad that the time-honored tradition of credulous celebrities and wealthy dilettantes breathlessly advocating the reality of occult phenomena, ‘spiritual’ mediums and snake-oil cures has not died out in these lands. Some things are simply too good to be done away with!

    • CindyinEncinitas

      I’ll never forget chancing upon Khourtnee Khardashian drinking a cupful of melted butter because she heard it’s good for you. Like, no it isn’t, kay?

  • goonemeritus

    If ghosts knew shit about medicine why are they so dead?

  • Me not sure

    One has to wonder what her mother, Blythe Danner (a seemingly normal human being),
    thinks about all of this. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/82e87dc438dc5c596c977b5768fb6281d57d4d367f38d3353b0fef02017c6e1e.jpg

  • Me not sure

    One has to wonder what her mother, Blythe Danner (a seemingly normal human being),
    thinks about all of this goopery. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/82e87dc438dc5c596c977b5768fb6281d57d4d367f38d3353b0fef02017c6e1e.jpg

  • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn
    • JustDon’tSayPeriod.Period!

      Ever heard the version by Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life? Lots of “Ring of Fire” references.

  • Ms.Moon

    It’s probably easier to get a diagnosis from a spiritual diagnostician than an actual doctor, less blood tests too. I will stick to regular doctors though because although I do like “natural” cures leeching, cobwebs, and oils won’t cure everything that’s why we have sparkling SCIENCE.

  • Yr. Gma

    Thank you, Robyn, for pointing out the difference between “vulva” and “vagina,” my personal pet crusade. One is external, the other internal. I fear for the youth of America and their success at reproduction if they are not properly educated on the terms. I would post my instructive diagram here, but my Photobucket account is down.

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      Some Georgia O’Keefe paintings would have sufficed in its place.

  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

    There are SO fucking many people out there who desperately need a “Skeptical Inquirer” subscription…

    • Ms.Moon

      Or they can read The National Exaggerator

    • natoslug

      Or, if you want to look at both sides, there are SO fucking many people out there who desperately need you to come up with a psychic treatment for chakra misalignment and rotation. Preferably a very expensive treatment that needs to be repeated on a regular basis.

      • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

        I’ve considered doing that. Unfortunately I have these annoying things called “scruples.”

  • Incoming (AKA Large) Ham

    Phew, I sure am glad he dumbsplained my thyroid issue. Who knew that that a very complex problem was so simple to solve. When I think about how much money I have spent on “doctors” it chaps my hide.

    • ButtercuptheHarelessRabbit

      Right? I had a yoga instructor lecture our class on how cancer was a fungus you could cure with baking soda. I sure wish someone would have told me that before I had a double mastectomy. I feel so foolish!

      • Zyxomma

        A few cancers are fungus-based (there are many causes for cancer, fungus is a minor one). Baking soda can be helpful in alkalizing when one is very acidic, but it’s better to normalize the blood pH with GREENS.

      • Incoming (AKA Large) Ham

        Considering that some people give their kids bleach enemas to cure their autism, we got off lucky.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    It’s hard to find good ghost help these days. I blame the Ghostbusters.

  • SadDemInTex
  • PixieThis

    I’m sensing an aura of stupid…it’s coming from….Glenda? No, Gwendolyn…no, wait…it’s Gwyneth. Not to humble brag, but I was born with this talent.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    I’m still hazy on this; the ghost talker doesn’t do vaginas or vulvas? Is he pro- or con- random mineral insertion into women, the ghost not the fake doctor? Where, exactly, does Gwinnie insert the immaterial healing energies? Is there such a thing as a ghost vagina? Isn’t a Vulva a type of Swedish car? Does Obamacare cover phantom diagnoses? So many questions.

  • Unregistered Hijabi Rockstar

    This calls for Dara O’Briain. https://youtu.be/yP84PRIq5_c

  • El Cid

    Good luck getting through to your ghost HMO for approval.

  • RC

    I’d ask what is wrong with Paltrow but a better question is what is wrong with the people who listen to her and take her advice.

    • MOG253

      Starvation diet. She’s down to about 3 foods.

      • Cliff Hendroval

        Oddly enough, she ate at the restaurant where my brother was a line cook while she was filming Iron Man 3, and it’s an upscale steakhouse. He said she was very nice and even went back into the kitchen to thank the cooks. I have no idea what she ordered, though. Don Cheadle also came in – apparently very low-key, but a great tipper.

        • MOG253

          If you read her diet, it’s very restrictive. Glad to hear she treated people well.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          She ate a steakhouse I was hostessing at about 10 years ago. I wasn’t on that day, but apparently her people called to make a same day reservation for the private dining room, and their instructions were very clear that she would be ordering a roasted chicken (we had chicken dishes, but roasted chicken was not on the menu) and it was absolutely essential that the bird be free-range, antibiotic-free, etc etc, various things that I actually agree with as far as keeping meat as cruelty-free and healthy as possible. EXCEPT it was also imperative that the bird’s diet had been macrobiotic (or maybe microbiotic, I know nothing about that stuff).
          So the gm takes off on a wild goose (chicken) chase all over northern Illinois/southern Wisconsin. The farmers had never heard of the mac/microbiotic chickenfeed thing and thought it was just goofy. Finally gm ended up buying a very nice free range, antibiotic and hormone free etc bird to serve her. There were a bunch of other weird requirements for the veggies as well that they ended up fudging and (obviously) not telling her. She made a point of telling the FOH and kitchen staff that it was one of the best meals she had ever had. So she was surprisingly gracious, but pretentious and teh dum.
          She also ate there again another time she was in town, after I had left, so I don’t think she was just blowing smoke up everyone’s ass to make people think she’s nice.

  • geoffalnutt

    Oh, that’s nothing! My duodenum speaks to me in fluent Portuguese…while I drink a glass of water. Pffftt!

    • I Am Helpy

      Mine can say “sausages”!

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    All I can say is, thank goodness that Gwyneth has a successful acting career. Otherwise, she’d be pushing a shopping cart full of garbage bags through downtown Reseda.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Apparently, she smells like someone who pushes a shopping cart full of garbage bags. I’ve heard she thinks she’s too pure, or too something, to bathe.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    That guy looks like Delboy Trotter in blackface. And acts like that as well.

  • Tallmutha

    I posted this once before but I’ll post it once again and once again only: My favorite comment on Gwyneth ever was on another discussion board, where someone was scoffing at the whole premise of Human Centipede 2, because who could eat enough nutritious food to sustain twelve people whose alimentary tracts were all hooked up to their asshole? And somebody else said “Gwyneth Paltrow has a post bragging about this on GOOP.”

  • CatCope

    Is that “guy” named Alex Jones? They need to get together over some ‘goop’ & talk more about peoples health conditions!! GOOD GRIEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    They could ‘save the world’ !

  • alpacapunchbowl

    Reminds me of the story my dad told about his mom, who was pretty nuts to begin with and an alcoholic diabetic to boot: when he and his sibs got sick as kids, she would tuck them into bed after feeding them a teaspoon of Vicks vaporub. o_O

    • CindyinEncinitas

      I used to work with a lady who was in an abusive marriage and her husband forced her to drink some of that when she was pregnant.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        To make her miscarry? JFC.

  • handyhippie65

    according to the moone boy, ghosties are childhood imaginary friends who don’t dissappear. why in the hell would anyone take medical advice from drop dead fred?

  • guppy06

    Anthony William was born with the unique ability to converse with a high-level spirit

    Unfortunately for me I can only communicate with middle-management spirits.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      My spirit got fired for being a fuckup.

  • CindyinEncinitas

    I’m sorry but if he’s so good, why doesn’t he tell Gwynth that One Weird Trick doctors don’t want you to know about to make you smrt or whatever?

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    btw, who listens to a five year old that nonchalantly blurts out his oma has lung cancer?

    • HorseChestnut

      I know people like this; there are a lot of people who think children are magic. Like, that they can see ghosts, or be briefly and benevolently possessed by the spirit of a dead loved one.

  • Ergoetal

    Little William:

    “Hey everybody! Granny has cancer and she gonna DIE!”

    …and from that point on, everyone knew Little William had a special talent.

  • azeyote

    when the idle rich have a little to much time on their hands – and not enough smarts to put it to good use – this is what you get – but if you want a real psychic healing you have only to leave a comment about your problem, and five dollars – cut rate – and i’ll get right on it –

    • Bitter Scribe

      Oh the hell with that. This lady will give me a free Tarot reading.

  • Scrofula

    Even Tony’s ghost can’t help you with your crepey skin, unfortunately.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Can he fix Donald’s brain, or do we need Dr. Carson at this point?

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    Does this mean the Snake Oil Bulletin is back? I missed it a lot

    • phoenix00

      Given what the Trump “administration” spews on the regular, every day is Snake Oil Day.

    • SeeTrain65

      Goop is a fountain of Snake Oil Bulletin stories in an of itself.

  • Donkey Option

    I had a friend who believes in ghosts explain to me that people with very strong personalities and who don’t believe in ghosts will never encounter one because strong wills keep the ghosts away. Which basically means that people who don’t believe in ghosts will never have one, but only people who believe in them will see them, which is the most concise self-fulfilling prophecy I’ve ever seen. And how do you even argue that? I think I just said something like – well, that’s convenient. But my other friend who used to believe in that nonsense also pointed out that this didn’t make much sense, so I am happy to see that he’s becoming more skeptical.

    • JesusWasAHippie

      Yep, that’s convenient all right. Sigh.

      I used to work with a woman who swore by psychics, and talked about all the “utterly convincing” stuff that used to come out at the seances. I called bullshit, and was told that “Well, some people just aren’t sensitive to it.” I responded that, if by sensitive she meant gullible, I agreed.

      • Keith Taylor

        Look, I agree with you both. And the frightening thing is that people who are not stupid, just imaginative and sensitive, can buy this stuff and get ripped off because of their belief. Or how come some really beautiful people in the acting and musical businesses fall for Scientology? You’d think that the instant they knew it was founded, on a bet, by a Science Fiction writer, and a second-rate one (not even remotely in the class of Clarke or LeGuin, much less old H.G. Wells) they’d drop it like hot rivets. But no.
        Arthur Conan Doyle was smarter than I’ll ever be. And more accomplished. He became a thorough believer in, and propagandist for, spiritual mediums. Not even because of his son’s death, which is often cited as the reason. His interest began before that. If he could fall for it, anybody could, and if he could lose his grip on sceptical realism, anybody could. He even took the “Cottingley fairies” business seriously.
        It’s a terrible aberration when you get it.

  • nick kelly

    Let me explain that I’m Canadian and we can be kind of conservative (in another sense of the word) and don’t like see the need to pack heat to Starbucks or own assault rifles, AKs etc.
    But to continue in this bluestocking, 1950’s vein- isn’t practicing medicine without being an MD illegal down there?
    Or would it violate some Amendment to restrict this guy’s BS?

  • Maureen FitzGerald

    Actually … I believe there is some evidence that iodine deficiencies are on the rise, specifically because most Americans have been getting almost all their iodine for the last 75 years or so from (iodized) salt. But now people are not only reducing their salt intake for health reasons, they’re also switching over to sea salt, which does not contain iodide. Just to play devil’s advocate (and also my source for this may not be entirely medically reliable because I honestly don’t remember where I saw/heard it, but it doesn’t seem entirely ridiculous. I mean obviously the whole ghost doctor thing is nutsy bananacakes.

Previous articleStages Of Grief: Russia Having Rough Time Coping With Michael Flynn’s Resignation
Next articleHillary Clinton’s Official Response To Mike Flynn’s Resignation Is ‘LOLOLOLOLOL!’