- Jeff Sessions is your new Attorney General, and Wes Virginia Sen. Joe Manchin was (unsurprisingly) the only non-GOP member to vote “yes.” That includes S.C. Republican Sen. Tim Scott, who read his hate mail. This just sucks.
- Neil Gorsuch thinks Trump’s bitchy tweets about federal judges are “demoralizing” and disheartening,” a ballsy statement that Trump misinterpreted this morning when he decided to imply that a Senator was a Vietnam draft-dodger. Well, it takes one to know one.
- America’s new
racist color coordinating Attorney General, Jeff Sessions, will probably pick his good ol’ boy Charles Cooper for Solicitor General. A former Reaganite, Cooper once defended Bob Jones University’s policies banning inter-racial dating. [Morning Maddow!]
- Sean Spicer pulled a Bowling Green Massacre while counting off lone-wolf terrorist attacks when he thought that the Pulse nightclub attack that killed 49 people happened in Atlanta, over 400 miles away.
- Trump called National Security Advisor Mike Flynn at 3:00 a.m. because he had an economic question, prompting Flynn to suggest he pose the question to an economic advisor, and this is scaring the hell out of White House staffers.
- The EPA will temporarily stop protecting federal nuclear contractors who blow whistles to regulators for uncovering waste, fraud and dangerous conditions because it’s, like, a lot of work, and rules are for nerds and losers!
- According to recent polls, people either love or hate the
Muslim ban travel restrictions on ethnic and religious minorities, depending on who you ask and how you ask it.
- A former NSA contractor has been charged with 20 counts of willful retention of national defense information because he ALLEGEDLY stole oodles of U.S. cyber security data, tools, and strategies.
- A Pennsylvania state senator called Trump a “fascist, loofa-faced, shit-gibbon,” after hearing about Trump’s grumps over civil asset forfeiture. You get a gold star, buddy!
- Carly Fiorina will challenge Tim Kaine for his Virginia Senate seat because she is a carpetbagging glutton for public humiliation.
- Camelot heir Chris Kennedy will challenge Illinois Republican Governor Bruce Rauner, a dismal failure who hasn’t been able to pass a budget in almost a year, and holds civil services as hostages.
- A court in North Carolina said that Republicans can’t just yank away executive power whenever they get their undies in a twist about their new governor being a Democrat. YEY!
- Defense intelligence officials are raising red flags to an order trying to designate Iran’s Revolutionary Guard as a terrorist organization because they’re more like an army, navy, air force, spec-ops, treasury department, police force, and business empire that supports a religious autocratic regime than a rag-tag group of freedom fighters that give everyone the stink eye.
- Hillary Clinton recorded a message for the 2017 Maker’s Conference encouraging ladies to trek boldly where no man has gone before!
- Here’s some Late Night wrap up! Seth Meyers broke down how Democrats are dealing with Trump, while Sam Bee reminded us about Trump’s loathing of windmills and gave CNN a pat on the back and a hearty handshake. Meanwhile, Colbert was getting all snugly with Jake Tapper, and the Daily Show had some talky time with Elizabeth Warren.
- And, here’s your morning Nice Time, FISHING KITTIES!