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Oh HAI, Middle America! Whatcha doin’ today to hate on women? Let’s see who’s got the craziest shit brewing this week.

First up: IOWA.

Hawkeyes, who just LOVE THE LITTLE CHILDREN, have been brainstorming ways to rid themselves of those Planned Parenthood Abortionplexes. Please indulge me in a little Wonksplainer for a second here. If numbers give you the vapors, just remember IT IS ALWAYS WORTH IT TO FUCK THE POOR IF YOU CAN MAKE A MEANINGLESS GESTURE TO YOUR CONSTITUENTS.

What with state governments treating women’s health care as a frivolous indulgence (AKA WhoreCare), Your Federal Government wants to give states every incentive to cover family planning. In fact, Big Gubmint will pick up 90% of the tab under the Medicaid Family Planning Network Waiver. The catch, if you’re a fundamentalist asshole legislator, is that you can’t exclude any qualified provider from the program. Which means that ladies are free to take their ladybits down to Planned Parenthood for services other than abortion, and the states pick up just 10% of the tab. Last year, Iowa ponied up a whole $300,000 for $3,000,000 of services. (Read all about this issue here.)

Sweet God of Ethanol and all that is Holy! This injustice will not stand! Those principled Iowa legislators voted last week to withdraw from the Medicaid Slut Waiver, so the Feds can piss off with that 90% subsidy. The bill passed the House easily and is headed for the Republican-held Senate. Governor Terry Branstad says he will sign it. Hosanna!

Naturally the Iowa Leg raised taxes to offset the additional spending incurred by withdrawing from this plan.

OH, BUT I KID. No, they’re taking the money out of a $15.5 million federally funded block grant for Social Services. Last year, those funds were largely allocated toward services for disabled adults and kids in foster care. Surely those vulnerable populations will be thrilled to pick up the tab on this one! Well played, Iowa.

Your move, ARKANSAS.

The Republican US Senate hasn’t quite finished ratfucking the Supreme Court, so pre-viability abortions remain legal for now. This leaves the Arkansas legislature free to pass all the batguano insane bills they can think of, safe in the knowledge that the courts will overturn them. Beats governing, right?

This week, the Arkansas House passed the Unborn Child Protection from Dismemberment Abortion Act. If you can’t outlaw abortion, write a statute defining a fetus as a child and abortion as a dismemberment. Those courts will never know what hit ‘em! So clever!

Okay, so we’ve seen a million of these statutes before, and they’ve all been struck down. Make it a felony to perform second trimester abortion using the safest method, dilation and extraction (D&E), get overruled in court, pat yourselves on the back for your heroic efforts, run for reelection. Same shit, different day.

But Arkansas Representative Andy Mayberry (no, seriously!) has his eye on the Governor’s mansion, so he figured he’d need to add some extra sparkle to his version. His law grants the right to sue the doctor performing the D&E for injunctive relief and damages. Who has standing to sue to stop a D&E abortion? Well…

A cause of action for injunctive relief against a person who has purposely violated this subchapter may be maintained by:

(A) The woman who receives or attempted to receive a dismemberment abortion in violation of this subchapter;

(B) A person who is the spouse, parent, or legal guardian of the woman who receives or attempted to receive a dismemberment abortion in violation of this subchapter; or

(C) A current or former licensed healthcare provider of the woman who receives or attempted to receive a dismemberment abortion in violation of this subchapter.

The Arkansas General Assembly just approved a law that allows an adult woman’s husband, mother, father, her doctor the right to go to court and stop her from having an abortion. Does “former licensed healthcare provider” include your dermatologist? Does the podiatrist who fitted you for orthotics have a lifetime veto power over your healthcare decisions? Seems like it.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE.

Guess who else has the right to get the court to stop abortion: Rapists. A woman who is raped by her husband, father or legal guardian can still by forced by her rapist to carry the child to term.

Now, Andy Mayberry knows that last part looks kinda bad. So he wants you to know that rapists won’t have access to monetary damages when they sue the doctors. Rapists can force their victims to give birth, but they won’t get attorney’s fees or money for the pain and suffering they feel because their victim chose to abort. So, we’re all good then?

NOTHING IS GOOD. HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT IS HAPPENING TO OUR COUNTRY?!?!?!

This statute violates settled law in about a dozen ways, but it still passed the Arkansas House and Senate. Even if Governor Asa Hutchinson signs, though, courts will immediately invalidate it. It’s just legislative wankers wanking, spilling their seed on the ground and hoping for a big round of applause.

So, I’m going to award today’s Hate Off prize to Iowa, who may well succeed in depriving thousands of disabled adults and vulnerable kids of services just to prove their point about Planned Parenthood. If only they would stick to jerking off.

Holler at me in the comments. And go donate to Planned Parenthood!

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  • Michael R
    • ManchuCandidate

      Touch Little Children (Inappropriately)

    • Bill D. Burger

      Oh lawwd’! Baby just got ‘duggard’!

  • memzilla Ω

    WT Actual F, Iowa? I went to collitch there in the early ’70s. It was one of two states that had effectively decriminalized marijuana possession down to a traffic ticket, and at least the eastern part of the state could be called “approaching almost liberal.”

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Those 70s pot smokers got old and grumpy.

  • Chadwells

    Dafuq!

  • Nounverb911

    Yes, but what about after they’re born?

  • ManchuCandidate

    I wonder how the Iowa legislature would feel if the Feds decided they had enough of corn farmers sucking at the Fed teat on corn subsidies…

    /cue shrieking and throwing of feces/

    Yeah, I thought so.

  • memzilla Ω

    There’s a reason that “to vulva someone over” is not a phrase.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    You had me at “Rapists can force their victims to give birth”

    Come see the violence inherent in the American system.

    • willi0000000

      not sure (an old here) but i think there are states where the rapist has visitation rights . . . or the lege is trying to get it for them.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        So, the prolife Republican order of legislative priority is:

        1. The Rich
        2. The Unborn
        3. Rapists
        4. No more fucks to give. Sorry about your luck.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Whyowa?

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Doctors too? Guess that whole “Hippocratic Oath” and “AMA Guidelines” and whatnot just goes right out the window.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    What, Kansas and South Dakota are on vacation or something?

    • OrG

      Indiana libelz!!

  • dslindc

    Nobody tell Texas about this competition!

    • chortlingdingo

      Texas is currently following in Pence’s footsteps and trying to require funerary services for fetal tissue.

  • Thiazin Red

    One thing I’ve always wondered, doesn’t having the dime in the fetus picture undermine their point? Its the size of a fucking dime, so clearly not the same as a baby.

    Also I really want to mess with these morons by replacing the human fetus picture with literally any tetrapod fetus at the same developmental stage and having them not notice because they all look the fucking same.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      I suspect they swiped the picture from somewhere and can’t figure out how to photoshop the dime out.

    • LucindathePook

      I’ve see one where they use an elephant fetus and it’s way cool.

  • Jeffocaster in the desert

    It is always my pleasure to say to these horrific fuckfaces that Planned Parenthood is the true hero here. They have prevented more abortions than all the fuckfaces who claim pro-life all across the asshole red states.

    • Thiazin Red

      Ha ha none of them actually care about abortions, if there was a better way to keep those terrible slutty sluts from getting away with having sex they would be doing that.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        If they could figure out a way to force us to have sex in front of our moms and dads, they’d be on that in a heartbeat. Since they can’t figure out what to do about those of us who don’t have two living parents, they’re going with the “keep away” game with birth control and safe, legal abortions.

      • chortlingdingo

        I’m hoping none of them watch The Handmaid’s Tale when it airs in April and come away with ideas.

        • cats530

          Airs in April? Is it a cinema movie or made for TV? I guess I could Google it – lol, lazy me.

          • chortlingdingo

            It’ll be on Hulu :)

        • Thiazin Red

          It looks really well done, although the Commander and Serena Joy being so young still bugs me a bit.

          • chortlingdingo

            It’s been a long time since I read it, and I almost picked it up the other day, but it felt too real!

          • Barbarajogren

            Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !dc194c:
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            !dc194c:
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  • goonemeritus

    I’ve been to Iowa and the people I met seemed to be way to nice to vote for assholes.

    • snark-lurker

      me live in iowa & you be wrong about, “–too nice to vote for assholes.” we donut always do [it] to ourselves, but we are very regular

    • Nounverb911

      “I spent a year in Iowa once, I think it was a Sunday.”

      –Not WC Fields

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Their unconditional anti-abortion law will surely work this time, not like all those other times.

    • chortlingdingo

      I’d be interested to see how much taxpayer money has been wasted from passing countless anti-abortion laws that the legislators know will be struck down by the courts.

  • Ricky Gay

    What is happening to our country? https://media.giphy.com/media/zE8yTD8B0b5e/giphy.gif

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Let’s not sugarcoat it.

    • MynameisBlarney

      The idiots were allowed to believe their ignorance and lies were equal to our knowledge and facts for too long.

    • cats530

      I’m reading “Deer Hunting With Jesus” right now and gaining a little more insight. “What’s The Matter With Kansas,” explained it too.

      • Ricky Gay

        Joe Bageant was a hero of mine!

        • cats530

          “Was?” He didn’t die, did he?

          • Ricky Gay

            yeah :(

          • cats530

            Oh. Very sad. But his words live on.

  • Martini Ambassador

    To put that last nail in the coffin, they need to pass a few laws about banning Sharia law too. http://www.majic12.com/298880_354089754665635_1229055902_n.jpg

  • MeerkatsRMammals

    Won’t someone think of the (actual) children?

    • OrG

      Us?

  • Chadwells

    Something something that all the people creating, voting for and promoting these fucked up laws….would have been better if THEY were aborted….

    • willi0000000

      it has long been my opinion that most of the “no abortion for any reason” types get that way when they find out that if Mom had access…

  • Bill D. Burger

    Whaaaaaaaat’? You left out Oklahomo’! ___ They lost a round, but, by crackers’, they’re not through…I’m sure!

    OKLAHOMA LAWMAKERS WANT MEN TO APPROVE ALL ABORTIONS
    Jordan Smith
    February 13 2017, 8:23 a.m

    “I would say it’s certainly a new low for Oklahoma,” said Amanda Allen, senior state legislative counsel for the Center for Reproductive Rights, though she is hardly shocked that Oklahoma lawmakers would seek to pass such a regressive bill. “This is, to my mind, a fruitless effort to shame and stigmatize women who are seeking abortion care and it is completely and unequivocally unconstitutional.”

    https://theintercept.com/2017/02/13/oklahoma-lawmakers-want-men-to-approve-all-abortions/

    • Shan McStroppyPants

      MAGA! By going back to the good ok’ days where all you have to do to take ownership of your very own woman is stick your dick in her.

    • Vincent Ricola

      “I believe one of the breakdowns in our society is that we have excluded the man out of all of these types of decisions,” he said. “I understand
      that they feel like that is their body,” he said of women. “I feel like it is a separate — what I call them is, is you’re a ‘host.’ And you know when you enter into a relationship you’re going to be that host and so, you know, if you pre-know that then take all precautions and don’t get pregnant,” he explained. “So that’s where I’m at. I’m like, hey, your body is your body and be responsible with it. But after you’re irresponsible then don’t claim, well, I can just go and do this with another body, when you’re the host and you invited that in.”

      Motherfucker.

    • SadDemInTex

      I just want to remind everyone that a woman by herself could not buy a house until 1970’s. A woman could not have a credit card (based on her own credit history) until the 1970’s. We have had the vote for less than 100 years (and I’m beginning to think that when the 100th anniversary happens they will endeavor to repeal that amendment). The utter despair I feel living in a state that is 51st in the percentage of women voting.

      • OddMan

        Women could serve on juries in all fifty states for the first time in 1973.

        • SadDemInTex

          We really should make a list for the next march. Any other frightening facts?

  • The Wanderer

    Why isn’t Tennessee in the running? They’ve got a bill before the lege making the product of artsem a bastard by legal definition.

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      This. What a slap in the face of couples that have to result to IVF. Although, my husband speculates that this is more aimed at couples of the homosexual variety.

      • The Wanderer

        Very likely, yes.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Of course it is.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I’m glad they think this is so much more important that ,say, competent governance.

  • Nounverb911

    Just wait until Pence is presnident after the trumplosion and see what happens.

    • Chadwells

      This is what keeps me up at night….

    • cats530

      All hail Mighty Mullah Mike Pence of the Republikkklan Caliphate.

  • tomamitai

    Have they started writing an amendment to repeal the 19th yet?

  • Nounverb911

    “Arkansas Representative Andy Mayberry (no, seriously!) has his eye on the Governor’s mansion”
    Is Barney Fife his running mate?

  • Oblios_Cap

    “Mommy, why do they want to kill me?”
    I’ve never known any pro-life people that advocated killing other people’s kids. Even when they deserve it.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Did you mean “pro-choice” people?

      • Oblios_Cap

        oops. yep. the pro-life people like killing others after they’re born.

    • clubseal

      If your unborn child is talking to you, get some good psych meds stat.

  • Blacktop Autumn

    Just an aside for all those Planned Parenthood supporters (myself included).

    Informed consent is granting access to hormones for many trans people without the need for a therapist to write off on the procedure. Planned Parenthood is one of the principle informed consent clinics out there. This is a spectacularly good thing, and your donations will help spread trans access to necessary hormones!

  • anwisok
    • Nounverb911

      Did Mitch McConnell spawn again?

      • Marion in Savannah

        Miss McConnell could never produce anything that cute.

        • cats530

          Yeah, Mitch is like one of those gene-splicing Frankenfood experiments. What do you get when you inject turkey wattle DNA into turtles?

    • C4TWOMAN

      What would be do without pic function…

      • puredog

        Dog willing, we’ll never ever have to find out.

  • Swampay

    Wait, what? So you could rape a woman and then sue her to carry your spawn to term? Did I read that right? Do you have to confess to the rape first? Do you get punished for the rape?

    “I done raped her fair n square, it’s ma baby and she can’t take it away”

    I …. I can’t even.

    • Blacktop Autumn

      Welcome to the “brood mare” theory of women’s rights.

      • Shan McStroppyPants

        We get more rights to bodily autonomy when we’re dead than when we’re pregnant.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Y’know, I’d like to think that these fuckers are at least still inclined to consider rape as a serious crime, but I’m starting to not assume so much anymore.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Given the number of judges who don’t want to ruin the young man’s life by sending him to prison for a simple little indiscretion like raping an unconscious woman behind a dumpster, I’m guessing they don’t.

      • clubseal

        I can’t say I ever thought these pigs were of the mindset that rape is a serious crime. “Boys will be boys” in their twisted worldview. Until it happens to a woman they know – which is statistically likely – and then it becomes a serious issue.

    • Bill D. Burger
      • cats530

        Don’t forget the genius who said a pregnancy resulting from rape is a “gift from gawd!”

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Less a “rape” confession, and more of a “we did it and she regretted it later” kind of deal, I suspect, coming from the rapist, I mean.

    • Swampay

      they probably claim that they shouldn’t be thrown in jail over the rape and deprive their poor offspring of a father.

    • Shan McStroppyPants

      In some states, they can also sue for custody rights. Sam Bee did a segment on it a while back.

    • Noxious1

      Yup. It means that if a rapist is convicted he can take revenge on his victim by forcing her to carry the fetus to term.
      Then he can sue for visitation and, although he’ll have to pay child support, force her to look at his horrid rapey face every weekend for EIGHTEEN FUCKING YEARS!!!

      Republicans are monsters.

  • Stulexington

    When states compete, everyone looses.

  • Nounverb911

    Did anyone ask Miss Abstinence 2016 Bristol Palin her thoughts on this?

    • Clyde Barrow

      Bristol is waiting for her Alaskan oil dividend check, because socialism is bad, and abstinence is only meant for the brown people.

  • Clyde Barrow

    Of course the people of Arkansas and Iowa wast to put a stop to abortions….I’d be embarrassed too if I had to escort my pregnant sister to the clinic just because I thought White Baby Jesus™ didn’t allow me to wear a condom.

  • Parakeetist

    Free the uterus.

  • cats530

    “It’s just legislative wankers wanking, spilling their seed on the ground and hoping for a big round of applause.”

    A great big Gynecologically Obsessed Pervert circle jerk. Sins of Onan! Too bad their Westboro Baptist god doesn’t strike all of them dead.

  • ariel_gee_398

    Sandra Day O’Connor already said fuck you to spousal consent requirements, and noted the particular harm that might come to women who were victims of spousal rape. I’m sure Arkansas has nothing better to spend money on than futile attempts to defend indefensible legislation.

    “[T]here are millions of women in this country who are the victims of regular physical and psychological abuse at the hands of their husbands. Should these women become pregnant, they may have very good reasons for not wishing to inform their husbands of their decision to obtain an abortion. Many may have justifiable fears of physical abuse, but may be no less fearful of the consequences of reporting prior abuse to the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. Many may have a reasonable fear that notifying their husbands will provoke further instances of child abuse; these women are not exempt from 3209’s notification requirement. Many may fear devastating forms of psychological abuse from their husbands, including verbal harassment, threats of future violence, the destruction of possessions, physical confinement to the home, the withdrawal of financial support, or the disclosure of the abortion to family and friends. These methods of psychological abuse may act as even more of a deterrent to notification than the possibility of physical violence, but women who are the victims of the abuse are not exempt from 3209’s notification requirement. And many women who are pregnant as a result of sexual assaults by their husbands will be unable to avail themselves of the exception for spousal sexual assault, 3209(b)(3), because the exception requires that the woman have notified law enforcement authorities within 90 days of the assault, and her husband will be notified of her report once an investigation begins, 3128(c). If anything in this field is certain, it is that victims of spousal sexual assault are extremely reluctant to report the abuse to the government; hence, a great many spousal rape victims will not be exempt from the notification requirement imposed by 3209.”

    • cats530

      Well, golleeeee. That thar Sandra Day O’Connor was jes some uppity Feminazi. Rush and my pastor sed so.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Why, they oughta Rule XIX that girl.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      When I was at the advanced age of 30, I was required to have my huzzband’s written consent to have a tubal ligation…never mind the fact that having a child could killz me. I realize that I’m one of the lucky ones, in that I found a doctor who didn’t insist that I was too young for such a decision, that I’ll “change my mind” and need to let medicine just catch up with my poor me-killing body that don’t want no babbys. But I cannot TELL you how incensed I was that his permission was required.

      • Shan McStroppyPants

        Now the doctors just refuse you themselves if they think you are too young and might change your mind. My hairdresser suffers from terrible gyno problems and wants it all yanked out but nobody will do it even though she’s never had any interest in giving birth.

        • CogitoErgoBibo

          Weird. My hairdresser had fibroid, but she had a hysterectomy. Luckily. I am beyond angry with those argumentative, “I know better than you do” doctors. I told my mom when I was about 12-years old that I didn’t want kids. Now I look at it as my body saving me from itself by not engaging my mommy gene. But it shouldn’t come down to what a doctor wants. It should be the patient’s decision.

          • Shan McStroppyPants

            I think the doctors are afraid of being sued.

          • Thiazin Red

            People bring that up, but has it ever happened? Is there a single case where someone successfully sued a doctor for performing a requested tubal ligation?

          • Shan McStroppyPants

            No idea, honestly. Maybe that’s just an excuse for them to exercise their paternalistic bulkshit. And, yes, women doctors do it, too.

          • cats530

            Even some of the women OB-GYN doctors believe they “know better than you do.” I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve run out of patience with them and if I don’t find a doc I like, I keep doc shopping until I do find one who isn’t threatened by my questions and my knowledge of my own body.

            Granted, they are my health partner and I’m paying for their expertise, but I am not paying to be easily dismissed. I live in THIS body 24/7. They don’t!

        • Thiazin Red

          My mom was in her 50s, had already had a tubal ligation and three children, but they still gave her a bunch of shit before they finally agreed to give her the hysterectomy that she’d wanted for decades.

          • Shan McStroppyPants

            Grrr! Because she hadn’t suffered long enough already?

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            I am finally getting a uterine ablation after years of anemia and failing the iud. Only took me a year of cage rattling and forgoing my iron supplements to the point where I’m very nearly translucent…I’m so damn excited! Maybe, they make us jump through all the flaming hoops so we’ll feel extra grateful when we finally get medical attention for the lady bits? Or, maybe they’re just assholes.

      • cats530

        Had to have my husband sign the informed consent too (and this was in a blue county in a blue state). I asked the hospital admin who was handling the paperwork if I wasn’t married would I need “permission” to get a tubal and she said no. Ridiculous! The chattel needs the king of the castle’s permission to get her tubes tied.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Please tell me the wife is also required to sign for her husband’s vasectomy.

      • ariel_gee_398
      • suziq

        My unmarried with no kids daughter asked her doc if she could get a tubal ligation (she is under 30). The doctor said she would do it but it might take some time for her to convince somebody (the hospital maybe?) because she needed “permission” to do the procedure, I think for everyone. But now the doctor is part of Franciscan so I bet they won’t do them at all, even if you have 18 kids and will die for 100% sure. Because god says so, or something. So daughter currently has IUD and is undecided. Could be too late very soon though.
        PS Franciscan sucks-why are doctor practices and hospitals owned by the Catholic church?

        • CogitoErgoBibo

          I had to move to a different hospital from the one where my surgeon had her office, because her office was in a Catholic-owned hospital. So that’s definitely something that you have to take into account. I don’t know how much truth there is to it, but I’ve heard female doctors are more likely to work with you on this. I know my female primary physician sent me to a female surgeon. No problems other than needing to cough up a husband signature and transferring to a different hospital.

          • Shan McStroppyPants

            That signature thing would piss me right off. When my XH got a vasectomy, he didn’t need MY signature.

          • Khavrinen

            Well, of course not. Everyone knows it’s totally different for a man, because, umm…
            you know, reasons, & stuff.

          • RC

            that’s why insurance covers bonner pills but not contraceptives unless they are forced by Obama.

          • Historicat

            My wife had to sign off on mine, not sure if it’s a state-by-state thing or just an individual doctor thing. It’s still grating.

          • suziq

            Was there any explanation for needing husband’s signature? That can’t be legal can it? That is just crazy! My mother was told she needed a hysterectomy after she had 8 kids (Catholic) but I wondered then and still do if they thought she shouldn’t have any more kids.

          • CogitoErgoBibo

            This was over 20 years ago, but I was just out of law school and appalled. I knew how hard it was to get someone to do a tubal ligation for someone my age and basically just stopped arguing and got him to sign. I’m presuming it was in case he wanted to sue about it later for some reason.

        • RC

          because pretty soon they will own every hospital. I signed a petition for a law they want to put through making it illegal for them to deny services basted on their bullshit religious views.

      • Skeptical_thinker

        In the late ’70s I had a surgeon tell me I was too young to have a vasectomy (I was 27). At least I didn’t need my wife’s permission (which she would gladly have given).

  • calliecallie

    This is what happens when you run a lady for president and she loses. Backlash. It’s called that for a reason. Got to keep those uppity wimmenz in their place.

    • Proud Liberal

      They were really pissed when we elected the black dude.

  • JohnLindhe

    So, the LA Times had an article last week about a man born in Libya who takes in terminally ill foster children and has for decades:

    http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-foster-father-sick-children-2017-story.html

    It’s a great (and sad) story about a great man. It does have this interesting bit: “But Bzeek is the only foster parent in the county known to take in terminally ill children, Yousef said.”
    So, all you “pro-life” fuckers, where are you?

    • suziq

      Well they are alive aren’t they? So-mission accomplished! No need to do anything more.

  • Tofu Killer

    Ha! I have another contender in the Hate for the Sake of Hate sweepstakes:
    https://legiscan.com/TN/bill/HB1406/2017

    As introduced, repeals statute that deems a child born to a married
    woman as a result of artificial insemination, with consent of the
    married woman’s husband, to be the legitimate child of the husband and
    wife. – Repeals TCA Section 68-3-306.

    So the upshot is, if you get preggers with any baby batter other than that shot out of your lawful husband, you are a whore.

    How’s that for some world class slut shaming??

    • zerosumgame0005

      New and Improved Slut Shame! Get Yours NOW NOW NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • cats530

      I can’t believe that there are no further pressing problems in TN than the obsession of GOP legislators there hellbent on controlling pregnancies and now ejaculations too? Good gawd.

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      I saw this today and its stunning. TN will make these children literal bastards. The effects of this could be widespread. It could cheat them of inhertiances, or parents out of Child Support. We truly are regressiving back to the Purtian Era

      • Rags

        If you have resources, you could adopt the child. But when has this ever been about people with resources?

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      It’s about getting back at the gheys. The idea is that no child born of a ghey couple can ever be legitimate. Married couples practicing artificial insemination are just collateral damage. Shows you how much they really care about family values.

    • Tiny kaiju

      It’s also terrible medical science. The reason married heterosexual ladies use sperm donors is because their male partner is infertile.

  • Warned_and_Persistent

    Iowa will offer a 10% discount to women seeking reproductive health services if they change their ways and show up in a prairie dress.

  • timpundit

    “Mommy, why do they want to kill me?”

    “Because, sweetie, only fetuses possessed by a demon can talk, you silly widdle goose!”

    • Scrofula

      Yeah, when yer fetus starts talking, it’s time for fire.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    I already posted this but look at what these assholes in TN are trying to do http://www.patheos.com/blogs/dispatches/2017/02/13/tn-bill-declares-children-born-insemination-illegitimate/ this is stunning, TN will in effect make these children literal Bastards.

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    So doesn’t this mean that you or your relatives could sue any MD for any elective medical procedure? What does the lovable HHS Price have to say about this?

    • Tiny kaiju

      I picture a teenager post breast enlargement. “My mom hates my new boobs and now she’s suing my doctor.”

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        For a plastic surgeon that’s probably called “Monday”.

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • Shan McStroppyPants

      Hahahaha! Awesome!

    • phoenix00

      Ahh, the time when actual news organizations did news better than some satire website…..

  • puredog

    Governor Asa Hutchinson is a permanent poster boy for “This Asshole Again?”

  • Sister the Persister

    For fucks sake!
    When someone in my earshot makes the unwise decision to spout off about how “Republicans and Democrats are all the same!” women’s healthcare and reproductive rights are always my first topic of response. These fuckers! And it only makes it worse that NONE OF THIS SHIT IS BORNE UP BY THE BIBBLE THEY RELY ON FOR THEIR PIOUS OBJECTIONS! Gaaaahhhhhhh!

    • Shan McStroppyPants

      Bibble (as far as I know) only says how to cause a presumably adulterous woman to have an abortion whether she wants one or not. Also says if someone assaults a pregnant woman and causes her to miscarry, they pay a fine to her husband. Because it was his property.

      So, no. Bibble babblers can piss right off.

      • Sister the Persister

        “bibble babblers” …. love it!

    • Weevie

      Tell you what, I was taught by Jesuits and if you know those guys, they don’t pussyfoot around anything. They blew up stuff in the ’60’s when there were good terrorists!
      Anyway, there is no one in either testament who can be unequivocally verified historically. A bunch of fables. The bibble is indeed babble.

  • Sister the Persister

    Slightly OT, but a pal just posted this question-response in my fb feed
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d10368f4764715be6ad4e9d737d3f58bd7fc37a5d480d4e4736bf37f1f431947.jpg

    • Rags

      aaaactually, thats .02 % of abortions……

      • mtn_socialist

        0.01 x 0.02 = 0.0002

        • Rags

          well, lets get all pedantical here, cuz this is tots important.

          You are right; 0.01 x 0.02 does = .0002, but .0002 = .02 ‘per cent’….’02 per hundred’….100 x the actual fraction, which is .0002 ‘per one’

          But Benghaziiiiiiiii!

    • Shan McStroppyPants

      1000% agreed. And might also point out that nobody is trying to UN-restrict those third trimester abortions unless it’s to push back against legislators who have or tried to ban it even in cases of fatal fetal abnormalities.

      Unlike the legislation being constantly tossed out there trying to ban “abortions” from occurring after the moment of conception.

      Assholes.

    • RC

      **clap clap clap** saved for future use.

    • unclejeems

      The comment of the day . . .

  • OddMan

    One small bit of good news. Out here in our Central Coast of California town, over the weekend the anti-choice folks had a “big” protest out in front of the local Planned Parenthood. Needless to say there were a lot of real pissed off red neck looking big men out in front yelling. All total they had about 100 folks.
    The Friends of Planned Parenthood held a counter demonstration across the street and had 1000 people attend, and raised tens of thousands of dollars for PPHood.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    Good article – just a nitpick, you have Iowa Leg insted of Iowa Leg. or Iowa Lege.

    It’s second paragraph from the bottom of the Iowa part obviousyl.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      You don’t think the Iowa Lege actually got this piece of crap legislation through even a conservative Republican legislature without a little Iowa Leg, do you?

  • sorbs

    Gotta give a big shout-out to Oklahoma: “…it was the second bill, HB 1441, that was even more disturbing, devoid of any nuance and completely unconstitutional. Written by another of the chamber’s freshmen, Rep. Justin Humphrey, the legislation would require a woman seeking an abortion first to obtain written permission from her sexual partner. It would also require her to provide his name to her doctor and would forestall the procedure if the man wanted the opportunity to challenge paternity.” http://tinyurl.com/z5ehqzl

    Oklahoma is no longer OK–Oklahoma is srsly fucked-up

    • Shan McStroppyPants

      I’d just say “good luck, assholes, I have no idea who the father is!” I mean, they’re already all over the slut shaming so why not just double down?

      • RC

        Go full on, stranger in a dark alley or lets see hobo in the woods…..the legislators next of kin. …..any asshole in a storm….

        • Kooolest G

          I would like to provide my services free of charge as the man who every woman in Oklahoma can say “that’s the guy who impregnated me” just so I can give blanket permission to any woman who wants to make her own decisions about her body

    • CATMAN

      I wonder what would happen if the law included mandatory child support from the man opposing the abortion.

      • Bebecca

        including college

        • Weevie

          That’s a foreign concept to the fashionable witches in the top photo.

  • PixieThis

    Okay, I’m done pretending to not wish people who support RAPISTS don’t get raped. Fucking make them and their loved ones know what if feels like and get back to me in 20 -30 years and let me know your emotional state, you sick, mother fucking bastards!

    I’m sorry, this is just getting too unreal and I have this urge to scream. Thank you for listening.

    • Shan McStroppyPants

      I know. We’re supposed to accept this triggering shit with no response.

      The debate where Trump basically stalked HRC right after the pussygranber tape? I rage-cried.

  • RC

    Andy, what you say about Sharia law?

    • whitroth

      That’s Christianist Law, I mean, being as how we are a Christian Nation (no, we’re fucking NOT).

    • phoenix00

      That’s for brown peoples.

      • RC

        truer words were never spoken.

  • Bitter Scribe

    I’m getting a distinct polygamous-cult vibe from the second female from the left in that picture.

  • unclejeems

    Why are we still debating this, for Chrissake? Oh, I forgot . . .

  • Weevie

    They claim something’s disgusting, so disgusting, they can’t bear to see it, then walk around with (fake) graphic images of that disgusting thing, which are stupid because they don’t represent anything real. They chant endlessly about how disgusting the disgusting thing is using graphic language. And bring little kids along with them so they can get the same shit upbringing they had.

    The herd needs thinning.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    I am thoroughly convinced that conservatives don’t know how to do sex right. If they did, they’d be too busy boning to worry about anyone else getting off.

    • phoenix00

      Plus a serving of “If I can’t do sex right, noone can do sex right!”

  • hvdv

    So overcome with the oodles of love I just feel coming from all of those brave and positively saintly state legislators. So touched, they’re really looking out for me, in spite of what that horrible mean “law” says.

  • phoenix00
  • kath1y

    And I repeat myself (from last week)…what is conservative about government-mandated forced pregnancy?

  • the_bitchelor

    Legitimate rape has a way of shutting the lady reproductive parts down, so there’s that. No legitimately raped woman COULD ever get pregnant from it. Bazinga!

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