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And to think, we could have had him for Education Secretary…

Just in case you had forgotten all the many ways Donald Trump’s presidency is poised to screw up American institutions, we now have this reminder that there’s almost nothing the Trumpsters don’t want to get their freakishly short vulgar fingers on: Trump has appointed Jerry Falwell Jr., the president of Liberty “University,” to head a federal task force on higher education. Because nothing says “quality higher education” like Liberty U., the extremely profitable school where the book of Genesis is science and the “university” president says he always carries a gun in case radical Islamic terrorism breaks out on campus. So how is Jerry Jr. going to fix higher ed policy at the Department of Education? Full-Immersion Baptism and Language Instruction?

So far, the exact “size, scope, and mission” of Falwell’s task force hasn’t been announced. But an interview with the Chronicle of Higher Education, Falwell explained he’s looking forward to the chance to free higher education from the shackles of “overreaching regulation” and accountability that have held back so much of the economy, probably a lot like Trump’s EPA will free toxic waste dumpers from the constraints that have kept them from living their dreams. Falwell specifically complained about all the Education Department’s “micromanagement” in areas like accreditation and the way colleges recruit students, suggesting he’d like to roll back those ridiculous Obama regulations aimed at preventing for-profit colleges from sucking up students’ federal benefits while not actually teaching anything. How can you really say we have a free market if scam artists like Corinthian Colleges are prevented from recruiting students with false promises, encouraging them to get all the student loans they can, and then sticking the students with the bill?

“The goal is to pare it back and give colleges and their accrediting agencies more leeway in governing their affairs,” said Mr. Falwell, who said he had been discussing possible issues with several other college leaders and at least one head of an accrediting agency for the past two months. “I’ve got notebooks full of issues,” he said.

Yes, and binders full of women, no doubt. Given the president’s predilection for revenge, we’re betting a top priority will be going after state laws like New York’s regulation preventing weekend real estate seminars from calling themselves a “university,” or allowing malcontents to sue “schools” that don’t teach anything. Trump University will rise again!

Falwell told the Washington Post pretty much the same thing: He’s going to make sure higher education is freed from the burden of intrusive government demands that they actually do education of some kind:

“In the Department of Education, there’s too much intrusion into the independent accreditation,” Falwell told The Washington Post in a telephone interview. “There’s too much intrusion into the operation of universities and colleges. I’ve got a whole list of concerns. It mainly has to do with deregulation.”

Oh boy. Get ready for a whole slew of scammy career colleges to rise from the ashes of Corinthian and ITT Tech.

The other big scoop from the Chronicle interview is that Trump asked Falwell to be his secretary of Education, but Falwell turned down the offer so he could continue running Liberty U. We’ll leave it to you dear Wonkers to discuss in the comments, which are not allowed, whether Jerry Falwell Jr. could possibly be a worse choice than Betsy DeVos. Which, yes, is like asking whether you’d prefer your cherry pie laced with strychnine or arsenic. In any case, you’ll be delighted to know Falwell thinks DeVos is just the bees’ knees as an educator, never mind that she’s never been anywhere near a public school, except perhaps while scouting out sites for missile strikes. She hates over-regulation, too, to the point that she pushed through a charter school law in Michigan that required no accountability for publicly-funded corporate schools. Falwell’s looking forward to helping with her important mission of dismantling the department she’s been selected to lead: “The task force will be a big help to her. It will do some of the work for her.” Oh, goody! Our nipples explode with delight.

Finally, there’s this note from the Chronicle, which tells us who’s really running things:

He kept the task-force offer private until Tuesday, when Steve Bannon, President Trump’s chief strategist, gave him the green light to discuss it, according to Mr. Falwell.

Wasn’t that nice of him? Please, ANYTHING for people to talk about other than the travel ban.

[Chronicle of Higher Education / WaPo / WaPo]

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  • I got my Masters in Biology from Pastor Zeke’s Trailer Park Hallelujah Gumbo and Crawfish University and now I’m the head of the bloodletting department at the hospital.

    • memzilla Ω

      Sorry, your leeches are out of network, that’ll be $12,540. Please pay at the OR door.

      • Peripatetic Poltroon

        Dayyum. I’m going into leech ranching. Hearing the little fellers lowing in the sunrise really sets a man’s soul free.

      • onedollarjuana

        Actually, leeches are often used for recovery from certain types of surgery, such as reattachment of severed fingers.

        Now, bleeding for removing evil humours, not so much.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Do you need a leech selection assistant? I can make Thursday afternoons free for that.

      • Lord Jim

        Need an anesthesiologist? People claim my voice puts them to sleep.

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      Just remember: it’s down the road, not across the street!

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    The Middle Ages wants its academic freedom back.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      But the Dark Ages are going to win the race to the bottom…

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea
      • Historicat

        I don’t hold out much hope for Byzantium to keep up its end this time around.

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      And its disease vectors.

  • BadKitty904

    Not so OT: More Republican educational fuckery…

    Constitutional Amendment Would Restrict Courts on Education
    CHEYENNE, Wyo. – A Senate committee has endorsed a constitutional amendment that would prohibit Wyoming courts from dictating how much money the state should spend on its K-12 public education and mandating higher taxes for school.
    http://www.mcclatchydc.com/news/politics-government/national-politics/article130038619.html

    • Oblios_Cap

      They really hate America, don’t they?

      • BadKitty904

        Yes, they do, as their every action illustrates – fuck America, fuck Americans. Republicans’ absolute loyalty to the Party over everything and everybody is no different from the most ardent Communist or Nazi.

    • FlownOver

      [From Brownbackistan]: Same shit, different state.

      • BadKitty904

        The Republicans have a remarkable knack for instituting the same failed policies over and over and over again.

        “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results”.

    • Peripatetic Poltroon

      Well, it has to go to the electorate. If the people approve it, they’ll deserve everything they don’t get.

      • BadKitty904

        And we’ve certainly seen how well that works…

        • Peripatetic Poltroon

          It’s OK with me if individual states vote to shoot themselves in the foot. I’m less OK with a minority doing it to the entire country.

  • we’re still here

    Richard Dawkins : ‘Students from Liberty “University” : I suggest they leave and go to a proper university.’

  • Beanz&Berryz

    Another morning in America… fuck…

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Vile medieval dogshit sez wut?

  • Oblios_Cap

    So that explains all of the commercials I’ve been seeing for Falwell’s “school”.

    He got the okay to talk from President Bannon. Isn’t that sweet.

  • beingreleased

    These people won’t be happy until its legal to sell a fake deed to the Brooklyn Bridge.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Fuck, they’re going for government subsides for doing so.

  • memzilla Ω

    Sure, why not turn our schools’ curricula into toxic waste dumps, too?

    • Oblios_Cap

      1/2 a day of change counting, 1/2 a day of child labor sounds about right.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      If there’s a buck to be made, go for it!

    • anon_the_great

      How else to create more Trumpanzees?

  • Michael R

    More fun with Fascism :

    You fear and demonize intelligent people who have a higher education because they are the ones who can thwart your effort to brainwash people. You then attempt to prevent others from achieving a higher education because you want the people as ignorant as possible so you can convince them that your way is the right way.

    You are obsessed with your perverted brand of Christianity. You seek to declare a Christian State and to impose religious laws on all the people across the country and the world. You believe other religions are inferior and that those who practice them should be converted, destroyed, or have their lives turned into a living hell.

    https://s29.postimg.org/dqqf0oibr/Trump_Hat_dumb_america_down.jpg

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Rand Paul approves of this messaging.

  • beingreleased

    Its a good thing Trump is promising to bring back jobs that don’t require an education.

    • Michael R

      He’s manufactured a lot of facts .

    • Peripatetic Poltroon

      That should drive up the supply of farmworkers. Us white folks will take that job again once we’re fully illiterate. That will drive down wages & thereby drive the illegals back to Old Mexico. No need for a wall! Is that win-win or what?

      • Historicat

        Maybe Donnie will get that wall after all – Mexico might want to keep out everyone fleeing South for a better chance at an education.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “There should be room in the curriculum for faith based calculus.”
    — A Liberty University Math Professor

    • Michael R

      Pi are Jesus .

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        Jesus is the first derivative of Yeshua.

        Which has nothing to do with the area under the curve of Jesus which is not a function.

        Math-free calculus.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      What is frightening is that there is some dumbshit, somewhere, who is sincere when he says this. And it is invariably a “he” who says something this moranic.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      Jesus + Paul / Moses = King David

      Right?
      I always did suck at math – it was nebulous enough before the introduction of a belief system I didn’t believe in was added.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        something about going forth and multiplying

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          dammit, multiplication?!

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      As I am Newton to this, it seems all a Leibniz.

    • o’look Skwerl!

      Exam
      1. Let f(x) = 1/(1+x) for x -1. What is the nth derivative, f(n)(x)?

      A. n!(1+x)n+1
      B. -n!/(1+x)n+1
      C. n!/(1+x)n+1
      D. Homosexuality is a sin

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Homology theory, Homogenous Transformations, and Group Homomorphisms will not be studied this semester.

      • shaar dula

        +1 for attempt.

    • HogeyeGrex
    • Tovarich Cock Blockula

      Every time I write a + sign I draw a little picture of Jesus to remind others that he died for our sin(θ).

  • proudgrampa

    Oh. For. Fuck’s. Sake.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    “Falwell specifically complained about all the Education Department’s “micromanagement” in areas like accreditation and the way colleges recruit students, suggesting he’d like to roll back those ridiculous Obama regulations aimed at preventing for-profit colleges from sucking up students’ federal benefits while not actually teaching anything.

    FIFY

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Trump U to rise again like the Prince of Peace?

    • Greyhame

      Any institution teaching students how to think rather than what to think is basically on the chopping block.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i really wish critical thinking / logic had been a class or two in my youth.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    ““In the Department of Education, there’s too much intrusion into the independent accreditation,”

    Isn’t that how accredition works? We look at your shit, and if your shit is up to par, we’ll accredit your shit?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      He wants a rubber stamp on whatever dumbfuckery Jeebus wants him to push, for greater profit.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Who accredits the accreditors?”

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Free Accredit Report?

      • BigHorn

        Accredit Karma?

    • arglebargle

      They just want the shit part.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Yup. I guess they want “accreditation” to look solely at the number of zeros on the check issued.

    • Lefty Frizzell

      He’s accredited by the Lord, and that’s the only accreditation he needs. As for the rest of you – you can be accredited by JF jr. That’s what the Lord commanded. You’ll just have to take his word for it. And a crippling loan.

      This sort of arse is going to continue until you grow the fuck up America!

    • msanthropesmr

      Yeah, except by and large those accreditation agencies are pretty grifty. The have and I am not shitting you riders for their staff that come in including what soft drinks we should supply.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        I was thinking of D of Ed, but yeah…no shock. There’s no law school here, but there are “law schools” that are 100% online. I’m not bullish on the topic.

        • msanthropesmr

          DoE under every administration I’ve worked with, is phenomenally incompetent. Education is pretty fucked in a systematic sense. Thankngos we have some good teachers on the ground.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i defer to you…i went to public school and art school…I have…complaints.
            My current community college experience has been terribly impressive. I like a “trade” type thing cause we learn how to do shit we’ll be doing in the office. My least favorite professor is the old cranky head of the department. I keep fucking it up, but that whole line from Rod stewart about knowing what I know now back then…etc etc.

          • msanthropesmr

            Schools can be awesome. School leaders are a highly variable lot.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            aye, no doubt. I’ve managed to avoid the dept. chair’s classes, except for 1. Everyone else, rave reviews..him, he teaches law like it’s meandering trip through a garden.

  • goonemeritus

    Is Trump’s honeymoon period done yet?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Should have been over before the Olympics.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Melania’s honeymoon period had blood coming out her wherever. A real turn off.”
      — Donald Trump

    • PubOption

      I saw a newspaper ad this morning, which was headlined ‘2017 Must Go’. It looks like Trump has upset at least one car dealer.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    On the bright side, according to C&L, immigrant Syrian voters who voted for Trump have immigrating family members who were turned back as part of Trump’s ban. So, some American voters is learning. Education in Trump’s America.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I could have told them this would happen, but fear of a vagina is a powerful fear.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        For good reason. One of things can swallow you!

  • Chadwells

    Oh what the FUCK?!?!? My fucking head is going to explode.

    • Alan

      Yeah, that.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Maharishi University of Management demands equal time for equally crazy leftwing snowflake “universities” to have input.

    Snowflakes unite!

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      I am levitating on your comment.

  • arglebargle

    So to get a post graduate degree would one go to Two Corinthians?

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      That’s not correct. I’ll put three seconds on the clock for the other contestants.

      “Why you must go to a real school instead, Alex?”.

      That is correct.

  • OrG

    Strychnine over arsenic,no doubt.

  • FlownOver

    Announcing the opening of FlownOver University. Admission guaranteed upon payment of tuition; curriculum TBA.

  • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

    This is what the rubes want. They want the entire country to be as stupid as they are and I don’t think we’re going to be able to stop it. The Democrats are starting to feel they may have something that may resemble a spine but it’s too late. Time to move to California and #CalExit this shit.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Thing is of course, they don’t know they’re stupid.

      And that makes them very dangerous.

      • Claire

        I’m not sure they don’t know. Maybe that’s why they’re so oversensitive to the idea that someone, somewhere might possibly be thinking of them as stupid that they’re willing to burn the entire country down just to get rid of that one person, wherever he or she might be hiding.

      • Some do know, and those that know are proud of that for some reason…

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Well the shitapple didn’t fall far from the tree there did it?

  • Alan

    Can’t tell reality from parody anymore. Glad I’m getting old, I might die before these idiots kill me.

    • arglebargle

      I’m glad I didn’t procreate, also too.

      • Alan

        I did and I feel awful now.

        • arglebargle

          Well, that’s the generation that’s going to save us, if it’s not too late. I’ll pitch in, but it’s gonna take more than marching and calling/letter writing.

          • Alan

            They may not. My daughter was filling out grad school apps and after the election said fuck it and sent one to U Toronto. They might just leave.

          • arglebargle

            I can’t blame her/them. This country has been headed down the tubes for a few decades and our generation didn’t do enough to fight it.

      • Suttree

        I really need to look into getting snipped. I assume that they’ll be fine with guys doing birth control.

        • snark-lurker

          that’s never come up before

        • WomanInTheResistance

          Every sperm is sacred.

        • arglebargle

          Better hurry. I can’t find the article now, but if they repeal Roe v Wade they can use the same logic to outlaw birth control. I need some help from some knowledgeable wonkers. I want to say “exclusion clause”, but don’t know if that’s even in the ball park.

          • Alan

            Ball park?

  • Rick Hill

    “Well will MAGA by lowering the standards required to be great!”

    • FlownOver

      Setting the bar so low they had to dig a trench.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Needs moar Creflo Dollar

    • PubOption

      Creflo has enough dollars.

  • Chadwells

    Rapidly getting to the “Fuck it” stage of my despondency. Let me know when we get to the “burn it down” stage…although, pretty sure we are already there. I’ll be ready for some good ol’ disobedience.

    (I wonder how many Bannon triggers this incitement post just set off in his cyber-surveillance bunker?)

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      We’re close. He just chose a peddler of pseudoscience and right-wing Christian religious intolerance to head an “Education Reform Task Force”.

    • Wild Cat

      This is their “feeling-out” stage. In a week or two, the fascists will roll out their anti-Medicare/anti-Social Security plans, which they think will probably pit one citizen against the other to give them cover.
      We’ll find out then.
      Generally, uprisings don’t happen until the population is near starvation and the victims’ children are near death.

      And again, you fuckers who sat out the election—I can’t even mention what I want to do to you shits.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        And the asshole “protest” voters. Without Stein and Johnson we’d be bitching about how boring President Hillary’s first weeks have been.

        • Hellhathnofury Demme

          We will be stuck with T***p’s SCOTUS for a loooong time.
          This is on them, and a lot of us will never forgive them.

      • Chadwells

        Don’t get me started on the abstinence and protest a-hole voters….those fuckers need a throat punch.

      • There’s honestly no difference between Trump and Hillary, so why bother voting? Right? Fucking snowflake fuckbrains.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I’m already there… I ready for secession.. Let them have it… Reap what they sow…

    • nightmoth

      I hear you. This story almost switched my bipolar mode from “Fight Back!” to “Just Shoot Me Now.” I think I’ll stay off the news for the rest of the day and go plant some daffodils.

  • o’look Skwerl!

    Also notice how he talks about admissions *cough*no blacks, browns, and gheys *cough* the whole reason why Liberty was founded in the first place.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Trump University will rise again!

    Like a….. like a…. Damn, that name is already taken.

    • msanthropesmr

      Strayer?

    • From the lagoon called Mar-a-Lago

  • Chadwells

    This is how you control the masses. Dumb them down into compliant ignorant mush.

  • Mavenmaven

    once they create an illiterate drone class, it will be so much cheaper to bring factories back with inhuman job pay!

    • Rick Hill

      Using the Bangladeshi model. Not to mention families with 11-15 offspring

      • Mavenmaven

        quiverful!

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      If we follow the Liberty U model, on top of totalitarian thought control, we have to ban all the Sciences, so we’re just fucked.

    • FlownOver

      Have you seen how much robots cost these days?

  • Suttree

    How exactly are textbook publishers going to put out a new copy of the bibble every year, that MUST BE THE ONLY ONE students can use?

  • BigHorn

    Jesus Christ.

    • Chadwells

      PRetty sure he is the problem!!

      • FlownOver

        Nope, just those who claim to speak for him.

        • Chadwells

          Agreed. I stand corrected.

  • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

    I fear for any degree paths named ‘liberal arts’. A double jeopardy in the name

    • snark-lurker

      well there’s another impedement to my intelligence

  • Vincent Ricola

    So many terrible ideas and terrible joke human beings being elevated to long-reaching power positions. It’s hasn’t even been 2 weeks. This must be some kind of record.

    Jerry fucking Falwell Jr shouldn’t even be legally allowed within 200 ft of any school anywhere.

  • Rick Hill

    Remind me again of the Dems soft bigotry of lowered expectations….

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    The South will be on board so long as it doesn’t impact football.

    • Or NASCAR

    • PubOption

      Colleges will be able to openly recruit illiterates to play on their sportsball teams.

  • Beowoof14

    He is gonna Jebus up all that teaching kids and get rid of all that science baloney.

  • MynameisBlarney

    For fucks sake, it’s like we’re stepping on a pile of fucking rattlesnakes every time we turn around.

  • Sweet, so my bi-weekly Emails from Full Sail “University” will come more frequently! PROGRESS!

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Poking around a little, looks like there’s a lot of history with Liberty University and the accreditation status.

    They used to use the special Transnational Association of Christian Colleges and Schools (TRACS) as their back up accreditation, while they were on probation from the more respected Southern Association of Colleges and Schools (SACS).

    After SACS took them off probation, they dropped the TRACS accreditation for “efficiency” in the same sense as dropping your fake id once you turn 21, presumably.

  • Hutch

    All that taxpayer-supported Pell Grant and guaranteed student loan money isn’t going to grift itself.

  • Msgr_MΩment
    • beingreleased

      Of course, the plan is to get rid of the job-killing regulations that prevent them from making these claims seriously.

    • Peripatetic Poltroon

      At least one of those is actually true. I spend a lot of time talking to my armpit and it’s quite empathetic.

    • msanthropesmr

      That’s British. American ads wouldn’t do that.

    • snark-lurker

      doz it take batteries?

  • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

    D.H Lawrence is yanked from the library and put behind the counter at the local 7/11.

    • To paraphrase the great barrister Mervyn Griffith-Jones “Is this the kind of book you would wish your wife or servants to read”.

  • pgjack

    At least China, Japan, most of the EU and a few other countries are doing fact based education. Falwell’s High Profit U. does alternative fact based education and now other schools will be free to follow suit. Alternative fact based education is cheaper to produce since professors can make the course material up as they go along and therefore don’t really need to know anything. Religious books are also very cheap and that’s all you really need.

    Trump voters, why did you do this to America. We had the most respected university system in the world. Well, I suppose private schools and California’s schools will still be allowed to teach actual facts. Of all the stupid stuff this jackass of a president has done fucking up education is the most sickening. Anything for a buck. I fart in your general direction lion president trump.

  • nightmoth

    “In the Department of Education, there’s too much intrusion into the independent accreditation”
    translation: WAH—it’s really HARD for ignorant fuzzy-mentalist Bible “colleges” to get accredited, and they want accreditation just like a real college!

  • Rick Hill

    An illustrated example of the way conservatives want to run everything:
    http://www.smbc-comics.com/comics/1485966981-20170201.png

    • Lance Thrustwell

      That’s feckin’ hilarious.

    • SMBC FTW

  • msanthropesmr

    As someone with boots on the ground interns of higher education accreditation, I can say that the big accreditation agencies have absolutely no idea what they are doing. So I guess I agree with the snake whisperer on this one. A little.

    • BigHorn

      Jerry Fallwell, Jr.

    • o’look Skwerl!

      I agree. They accredited Liberty.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      I know. The accreditation boat sailed off the cliff in the 1980s–like so many other Reagan revolutions.

      • C4TWOMAN

        I personally experienced this. The tech school I went to was okay for a couple of years…then they got new owners who realized NO ONE was watching the henhouse and it went down hill from there.

        Diploma not worth paper printed on. School gone now.

    • Lord Jim

      But don’t you think it’s better to make the accreditation agencies more competent, rather than less powerful?

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    OT: And the propaganda machine fires up (WH.gov):

    I may have noted, this is the kind of shit they do for books and movies:

    “Bipartisan Praise For The “Impossible To Oppose” Judge Neil Gorsuch

    “Sterling Legal And Academic Credentials” … “A Brilliant Legal Mind” … “Very Ethical” … “An Exceptional Jurist”

    Above The Law’s David Lat On Judge Gorsuch: “Stellar Credentials…” “In my view, the choice between Judge Gorsuch and Judge Hardiman comes down to how Establishment and elitist the president wants to be. Both judges have stellar credentials, but Judge Gorsuch’s shine just a little more brightly.” (David Lat, “Supreme Court Update: And Then There Were Four,” Above The Law, 1/24/17)

    Lat: “He’s Brilliant, Conservative And Impossible To Oppose.” (Mark K. Matthews And Kirk Mitchell, “What You Need To Know About Colorado Judge Neil Gorsuch, Donald Trump’s Rumored Top Pick For The Supreme Court,” Denver Post, 1/30/17)

    SCOTUSBlog’s Eric Citron: “[Gorsuch’s] Background Is Filled With Sterling Legal And Academic Credentials.” “Neil Gorsuch was appointed to the United States Court of Appeals for the 10th Circuit by President George W. Bush on May 10, 2006, and confirmed shortly thereafter. … He is relatively young (turning 50 this year), and his background is filled with sterling legal and academic credentials.” (Eric Citron, “Potential Nominee Profile: Neil Gorsuch,” SCOTUSBlog, 1/13/17)

    Constitutional Expert Jonathan Turley On Judge Gorsuch: A “Very Intelligent Person… (Has A) Coherent And Consistent View Of The Constitution…” “Constitutional expert Jonathan Turley told ABC News that Gorsuch is a ‘very intelligent person’ who would not be that different from Scalia, the justice he would be replacing. He has a ‘coherent and consistent view of the constitution,’ Turley said.” (Audrey Taylor And Geneva Sands, “Judge Neil Gorsuch: What You Need To Know About The Possible SCOTUS Nominee,” ABC News, 1/31/17)

    Melissa Hart, University Of Colorado Law Professor And Former Clerk To Justice Stevens: Gorsuch “Just Treats People Well In Every Context.” “‘He has very strong opinions, but he just treats people well in every context,’ said Melissa Hart, a University of Colorado law professor. She is a Democrat who clerked for Justice John Paul Stevens, who retired in 2010.” (Robert Barnes, “Neil Gorsuch Naturally Equipped For His Spot On Trump’s Supreme Court Shortlist,” The Washington Post, 1/28/17)

    Tom Fitton, President Of Judicial Watch: “An Exciting Pick… A Strong Voice On The Court For His Constitutional Approach To Decision Making…” “Tom Fitton, president of Judicial Watch, tells Newsweek that Gorsuch fits the Scalia mold, which Trump has promised to adhere to in his replacement nominee. ‘I think conservatives would consider him to be an exciting pick. I think it’s fair to say he’s a leader in terms of conservative jurisprudence and I think he quickly would become a strong voice on the court for his constitutional approach to decision making,’ he says.” (Michele Gorman, “A Look At Neil Gorsuch, Possible Trump Scotus Nominee,” Newsweek, 1/27/17)

    Leonard Leo, Executive Vice President Of The Federalist Society For Law And Public Policy Studies On Judge Gorsuch: “An Exceptional Jurist…” “And if it is Gorsuch, Leo went on, ‘The story will be ‘Neil Gorsuch is an exceptional jurist whose work substantially reflects the jurisprudence, quality and style of Justice Scalia.’’” (Shane Goldmacher And Eliana Johnson, “Trump’s Supreme Court Pick Gets Personal,” Politico, 1/30/17)

    Leo: “He Has Very, Very Distinguished Background.” (Jennifer Hansler, “Trump Supreme Court Adviser Praises Judge Neil Gorsuch As Potential Heir To Scalia’s Legacy,” ABC News, 1/25/17)

    Denver Post Editorial Board: “A Brilliant Legal Mind… Applied The Law Fairly And Consistently…” “Neil Gorsuch is a federal judge in Denver with Western roots and a reputation for being a brilliant legal mind and talented writer. Those who have followed Gorsuch’s career say that from his bench in the U.S. 10th Circuit Court of Appeals he has applied the law fairly and consistently, even issuing provocative challenges to the Supreme Court to consider his rulings.” (Editorial, “Trump Would Do Well To Consider Neil Gorsuch For Supreme Court,” Denver Post, 1/26/17)

    “In Considering Gorsuch’s Body Of Work And Reputation — And Yes, We Like His Ties To Colorado As Well — We Hope Trump Gives Him The Nod.” (Editorial, “Trump Would Do Well To Consider Neil Gorsuch For Supreme Court,” Denver Post, 1/26/17)

    Democrat Boulder County (CO) District Attorney Stan Garnett On Judge Gorsuch: “Very Ethical… Very Smart…” “Boulder County District Attorney Stan Garnett, a Democrat, called Gorsuch ‘very ethical’ and ‘very smart.’” (Alex Burness, “Boulder’s Neil Gorsuch Candidate For Supreme Court Vacancy?,” Boulder Daily Camera, 1/30/17)

    Norm Eisen, President Obama’s Former Ethics Czar On Judge Gorsuch: “A Great Guy!” “On Tuesday, Obama’s former ethics czar, Norm Eisen, another classmate, tweeted: ‘Hearing rumors Trump’s likely Supreme Court pick is Neil Gorsuch, my (and President Obama’s!) 1991 Harvard Law classmate. If so, a great guy!’” (Josh Gerstein, “Neil Gorsuch: Who Is He? Bio, Facts, Background And Political Views,” Politico, 1/31/17)

    Sen. Ken Salazar (D-CO): “A Very Impressive Legal Career… Very Intelligent, Thoughtful…” SALAZAR: “At the young age of 38, Mr. Gorsuch has already had a very impressive legal career. … During our meeting, I found him to be very intelligent, thoughtful, and appreciative of the great honor it is to be nominated to the Federal bench.” (Committee On The Judiciary, U.S. Senate, 6/21/06)

    John G. Malcolm, Heritage Foundation On Judge Gorsuch: “He Is Very Bright, Well-Respected And Quite Personable.” (David G. Savage, “Conservative Colorado Judge Emerges As A Top Contender To Fill Scalia’s Supreme Court Seat,” Los Angeles Times, 1/24/17)

    National Review’s Ramesh Ponnuru On Judge Gorsuch: “Reputation For Legal Excellence…” “What recommended Gorsuch was his reputation for legal excellence and his relative lack of controversy.” (Ramesh Ponnuru, “Neil Gorsuch: A Worthy Heir To Scalia,” National Review, 1/31/17)”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The man is dogshit. Everyone above is dogshit.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      oooh, there’s 2 of them:

      Editorial Boards Across The Country Praise Judge Gorsuch

      “A Leading Light” … “A High-Caliber Mind” … “An Impeccable Résumé” … “Deserves Confirmation” … “A Brilliant Legal Mind”

      The Wall Street Journal: “A Leading Light On The Tenth Circuit Court Of Appeals… As Qualified As He Is, Judge Gorsuch Ought To Be Confirmed At Least As Easily As President Obama’s Appointees…” “Judge Gorsuch is a leading light on the Tenth Circuit Court of Appeals, where he was appointed in 2006 by George W. Bush. … As qualified as he is, Judge Gorsuch ought to be confirmed at least as easily as President Obama’s appointees Elena Kagan and Sonia Sotomayor.” (Editorial, “Trump’s Good Justice,” The Wall Street Journal, 1/31/17)

      The Wall Street Journal Editorial Headline: “Trump’s Good Justice” (The Wall Street Journal, 1/31/17)

      New York Daily News: “No One Has Ever Questioned Gorsuch’s Intellect Or Qualifications. … A High-Caliber Mind… His Journey From Judge Gorsuch To Justice Gorsuch Is Easy To Envision…” “No one has ever questioned Gorsuch’s intellect or qualifications. A graduate of Columbia, Harvard and Oxford, he clerked for two Supreme Court justices and served in the Department of Justice and at a top law firm before beginning a 10-year appeals court stint. … While Gorsuch is hardly our ideological ideal, he is a high-caliber mind who stands solidly in the mainstream of conservative jurisprudence. Barring unforeseen revelations — or a partisan blockade that would be as hypocritical as it is destructive — his journey from Judge Gorsuch to Justice Gorsuch is easy to envision.” (Editorial, “Courting Competence: President Trump’s Supreme Justice Pick,” New York Daily News, 1/31/17)

      San Francisco Chronicle: “[Gorsuch’s] Scholarly Credentials Are Impeccable…” “As President Trump announced his choice of Judge Neil Gorsuch to succeed the late Justice Antonin Scalia on Tuesday, one big question hovered over Washington: Were Senate Democrats prepared to block the U.S. Supreme Court nomination by any means? … His scholarly credentials are impeccable: Columbia, Harvard, Oxford and Supreme Court clerk for Justices Byron ‘Whizzer’ White and Anthony Kennedy.” (Editorial, “Democrats: Give Gorsuch Vetting, Hearing, Up-Or-Down Vote,” San Francisco Chronicle, 1/31/17)

      New York Post: “An Impeccable Résumé… Affable And Witty…” “Gorsuch boasts an impeccable résumé, having clerked for Justices Byron White and Anthony Kennedy. Affable and witty, he’s even described as Scalia’s ‘intellectual equal.’” (Editorial, “Trump Picks A Scalia-Clone To Fill Empty Supreme Court Seat,” New York Post, 1/31/17)

      San Diego Union-Tribune: “An Impressive Jurist… Deserves Confirmation…” “Gorsuch is an impressive jurist, and that judgment goes beyond his Harvard law background, his clerking for two U.S. Supreme Court justices and the acclaim he’s received as a judge and professor. … For these reasons, we believe that if Gorsuch does well in his nomination hearings and if no red flags emerge in the heavy scrutiny he is likely to face in coming weeks, he deserves confirmation.” (Editorial, “Why Neil Gorsuch Is A Good Supreme Court Pick For Donald Trump,” San Diego Union-Tribune, 1/31/17)

      San Diego Union-Tribune Editorial Headline: “Why Neil Gorsuch Is A Good Supreme Court Pick For Donald Trump” (San Diego Union-Tribune, 1/31/17)

      Houston Chronicle: “[Gorsuch’s] Pedigree Is Undeniably Impressive…” “Gorsuch, who sits on the federal appeals court in the Denver-based 10th circuit, has been praised for his elegant writing. … His pedigree is undeniably impressive: Gorsuch clerked on the Supreme Court for Justices Byron White and Anthony Kennedy and studied for a doctorate of philosophy at Oxford University.” (Editorial, “Is Eight Enough?,” Houston Chronicle, 1/31/17)

      Colorado Springs Gazette: “Trump Could Not Have Made A Better Supreme Court Appointment Than Gorsuch.” (Editorial, “Trump Could Not Have Made A Better Supreme Court Appointment Than Colorado’s Neil Gorsuch,” Colorado Springs Gazette, 1/31/17)

      Denver Post: “A Brilliant Legal Mind… Applied The Law Fairly And Consistently…” “Neil Gorsuch is a federal judge in Denver with Western roots and a reputation for being a brilliant legal mind and talented writer. Those who have followed Gorsuch’s career say that from his bench in the U.S. 10th Circuit Court of Appeals he has applied the law fairly and consistently, even issuing provocative challenges to the Supreme Court to consider his rulings.” (Editorial, “Trump Would Do Well To Consider Neil Gorsuch For Supreme Court,” Denver Post, 1/26/17)

    • Rick Hill

      “Impeccable qualifications…when compared to the ghost of Goering’s legal council.”

    • Proud Liberal

      But Merrick Garland, whom even Gorsuch said was beyond reproach, doesn’t get the nod. This fucking sucks.

    • Has he invented Hyperdrive and the cure to Leprosy as well?

    • Suttree

      Remind me again why I hate Turley. I used to read his blog years ago.
      ETA: Oh right, he repped Boner during the ACA fight. Shut the fuck up Turley!

    • Melissa Hart? They got Sabrina the Teenage Witch to weigh in? I’m sold!

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    All we need now is for Trump to pardon Dennis Hastert and put him in charge of Youth Outreach.

    • Chadwells

      Don’t joke….I’m sure that’s on the 200 day plan!!!!

    • I had that as 90-100 days in the sweep

    • Khavrinen

      “Outreach”, “Reach Around”, close enough…

    • Nounverb911

      MOLOTOV!

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        Cocktail time already? You people are lushes.

        • Hutch

          Excuse me! That’s old *belch* lushes. There’s a difference.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Hey…like I always say…
          Ya can’t drink all day if ya don’t start in the mornin’!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Warp speed,Scotty!

    • Suttree

      Yay! When are they going to start sneaking us across the border?

      • Nounverb911

        In the underground Wonkabago?

    • Put her to the wood!

    • FlownOver

      🎶 On the road again…

    • BadKitty904

      “She must have hidden the plans in the escape pod.

      ~ Darth Bannon

  • Lance Thrustwell

    It’s almost enough to make, ahem, ethically challenged folks like myself wonder how one can get in on some of this sweet, sweet higher ed grift.

    • o’look Skwerl!

      Name a non-existent building at Thrustwell Pornotechnical Institute after Trump and Bannon!

      • Lance Thrustwell

        “With a diploma from TPI, the sky’s the limit, the world’s your oyster, and Bob’s your uncle.”

    • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

      Wonkette U.

    • snark-lurker

      just throw up a shingle & the more you charge, the less trouble you’ll have

    • C4TWOMAN

      You remember the blow-up about pizza place that said they wouldn’t serve at a hypothetical marriage reception for a gay couple that the alt-right used for political leverage? The result was that family business got $800,000 through crowd funding.

      Ever since I’ve been trying to figure out how to make money off the alt-right like this without lying to people or technically committing fraud because apparently there’s gold in them thar Internets.

  • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

    Liberty Univ Trump School of Scamming A Buck coming soon.

  • Nounverb911
    • BadKitty904

      She looks familiar. Whatever happened to her?

      • Nounverb911

        She’s lost in the woods of Westchester….

      • Asterix

        Writing a book on the 2016 campaign… oy. Also, re-releasing her “It Takes A Village” book.

        • BadKitty904

          Who does she think will buy them if there are no Dems left when they’re published?

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Remember how Trump supporters thought he would be good at running things?

  • Mavenmaven

    OT: Trump’s magisterial address for Black History Month:https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C3l0TKqWMAA8Jvt.jpg:large

  • onedollarjuana

    Wonder if he cries as much after hooker sex as his daddy did.

    • laughingnome

      Those aren’t salty tears of shame those are trickle down favors from hookers.

    • BadKitty904

      perhaps he and the Traitor-in-Chief share that hobby…

    • mancityRed6

      before, during, and after

  • Proud Liberal
    • C4TWOMAN

      Downloaded for future lulz…

    • MynameisBlarney

      It’s just a matter of time before someone shops the dickbutt meme on these pics.

  • TJ Barke

    Trump U to become country’s only “ivy league” school.

    • Anna Rompage

      Poison ivy perhaps….

    • shastakoala

      Skeevy League maybe?

  • DoILookAmused2u ?
    • Nockular cavity

      Holy shit.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Science is the Debil’s plaything.

    • beingreleased

      “Was Noah’s flood global or local?”
      Finally, a school willing to teach the controversy.

      • shastakoala

        Since Meteorology isn’t real how could they even debate this?

      • Nounverb911

        Trump can borrow the Ark when Mar-a-Lago floods.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      This must be fake news… Please?

      I want a copy of the book…

    • Can we please, as a people, move beyond this kind of crap some time before we render the planet uninhabitable for anything beyond mould?

    • Oblios_Cap

      Why are they teaching anything? Look at what happened to poor Eve once she ate from the Tree of Knowledge!

    • Suttree

      We need Dok Zoom to revamp Sundays With the Christianists!
      ETA: Huh, I didn’t realize I had been reading Wonkette for so long.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        I think we need higher authority than even Dok to revamp Sundays With the Christianists.

    • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

      The concept of lifting all boats sounds a little commie to me

    • shaar dula

      the reasoning basically is because I said so.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    “It could grasp it by the husk.”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=liIlW-ovx0Y

  • Hutch

    We won’t have to worry about all those pesky, rich foreign students who would prefer not to attend our shitified colleges and universities.

    Seriously though, I wonder if this is revenge for all the criticism from the halls of higher ed yesterday regarding the muslim ban and the impact it would have on scholarship.

    • nightmoth

      Gonna keep our graduates at home where they belong, too, because what furrin country would want to hire them?

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea
    • Nounverb911

      That’s the Saturday after the March to Demand Trump show his taxes….

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Liberty University teaches young Earth creationism as an explanation for the appearance of life on Earth.[146] The university works with young Earth creationist organizations including Answers in Genesis.[147][148] In biology classes students are taught both creationism and evolution and that the former offers the better explanation of biological diversity.[149][150] In October 2006 the university published an advertisement in The Chronicle of Higher Education in an attempt to recruit staff to its biology department. The advertisement stated that the university was “seeking faculty who can demonstrate a personal faith commitment to its evangelical Christian purpose” and specified that “compatibility with a young-earth creationist philosophy [is] required”.[151]

    In the same month, prominent biologist Richard Dawkins was quoted saying the following about Liberty University: “If it’s really true that the museum at Liberty University has dinosaur fossils which are labeled as being 3,000 years old, then that is an educational disgrace. It is debauching the whole idea of a university, and I would strongly encourage any members of Liberty University who may be here, to leave and go to a proper university.”[152] In December 1991 Creation reported that Arlton C. Murray “excavated a dinosaur for Liberty University’s museum”, which proclaimed “this dinosaur was the first of its kind in any creationist museum.”[153]

  • Nounverb911

    Biden steps into the DNC leadership fray.
    https://twitter.com/samsteinhp/status/826848779122917376

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Meh.

      Wake me up when you get to Michelle Obama.

    • Marceline

      I like Perez a lot. He and Jaime Harrison have been my choices.

    • The best DNC chair would be a certain Barrack Hussein Obama. He knows politics, grassroots organising, how to handle the press, fundraising …

  • BadKitty904

    I’m sure that Harvard, Yale, et al., will appreciate Lil’ Jerry’s help in finally “getting it right”…

  • Nounverb911
    • Proud Liberal

      Nothing like alternative facts.

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        Nothing.

    • Suttree

      At some point, can we strap him into a chair, and make him explain every single fucking thing that he has ever gotten wrong?

    • mancityRed6

      how’s that going to play for Bannon’s portion of his base?

    • Martini Ambassador
    • anwisok

      OK, so now we know that”s NOT going to happen.

    • BadKitty904

      Who knew the State of Israel had a sense of humor?

  • 3FingerPete

    Soon you can earn college credit for visiting creation museums and that giant Noah’s Ark thing.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32mxZxv3dYM

    • Nounverb911
      • Chadwells

        And then they lit that park up like a rainbow flag to “take the rainbow back” from teh evil gayz *frownie face*!!! Ken Ham is such an imbecile that it’s frightening.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        The amount of wood wasted in this exhibit should make any naturalist cry…

        • I’ve seen various shots and it seems that Noah used large quantities of Tyvek stapled between the layers of wood cladding

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            So it’s a working model?…

          • Probably not. Not with hydrodynamics being against it

      • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

        If you are ever around Lexington, VA…
        http://68.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lochzobBCO1qzfsnio1_1280.jpg
        (oddly amusing, with stress on ODD)

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          is that…is that dinosaur eating a union soldier?

          • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

            ‘Tis. It is part of a very interesting set of exhibits/displays across the road from Natural Bridge Caverns. There is also a haunted house, and a wax museum.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            I…uh…but…yeah…okay…can I ask…

            I got nothin’

      • BadKitty904

        How can it be a “replica” if they don’t know what it looked like? The Bible only gives basic dimensions. Plus how much “gopher wood” can there possibly be in Kentucky?

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      She is a dumb.

  • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

    OT: Donald kicks off Black History month spending half his time dissing CNN and referring to Frederick Douglass in what sounds like he is currently a community organizer in Detroit.
    https://youtu.be/HNltX1HZZdQ

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Was there a lot of awkward silence and/or awkward laughing?

    • Yr. Gma

      Is he giving Omarosa the finger in that shot?

      • Nounverb911

        He’s commending her on her ‘Schindler’s’ lists

    • snark-lurker

      lemme know when CNN starts CNNing again like when Turner made it go

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Well, he’s right. Frederick Douglass did do an amazing job.

      • Proud Liberal

        He talked about him in the present tense. Trump is a dick.

      • BadKitty904

        He’s a real credit to his race. Just great. The best.

        ~ Donald Judas Trump

        • Notreelyhelping

          “Fred Douglas? Love Fred Douglas. Tremendous. Unbelievable.”

          • BadKitty904

            “We’re old friends. Play golf together a lot.”

          • Lord Jim

            “I let him win. Makes ‘im happy. I’m such a nice guy, right?”

    • BadKitty904

      As if the Traitor-in-Chief has even the vaguest idea who Frederick Douglass actually is…

    • shaar dula

      he needs to read from notes to say nice words about MLK, but can talk impromptu about statue-gate?

  • Darkest Timeline Zach Morris
  • Anna Rompage

    Soon these loons are going to be proposing that a large group, praying hard enough, will manifest the next iPhone 8S out of 2 stones, some cow dung, and a pile of twigs….

    • snark-lurker

      i thought they’d already dung that

    • Shan

      But will it have a headphone jack?

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        well, there’s a head drill….

      • snark-lurker

        my money’s on a butt plug

        • Shan

          *snort*

      • Anna Rompage

        No headphone jack, but it will come with a tin foil hat to keep your brain from succumbing to the evil cellular waves…

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      soon

      There are at least 2 states where governors held pray-a-thons to cure droughts…
      #JustSayin’

      • natoslug

        Coastal states need to hurry up on building their walls. And a walled high-speed train system connecting the coasts together but walling out the festering wasteland in the middle. Maybe we should consider stops in parts of Colorado and Illinois, however.

        • Shan

          Kansas is getting better. Remember, we were the “experiment” that failed so badly even local Republicans are balking and Teabaggers got primaried pretty hard.

          • natoslug

            Fine. Then we need to revisit my original idea: Ship Trump and co. off to the Great Pacific Garbage Patch and let them create a new nation there.

          • Lord Jim

            Is our children learning? ;)

          • Shan

            I think so. If learning = horrified.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          the ride through the rockes on amtrak was beautiful.

          If you don’t know, they have these “viewing” cars…they have big floor to cieling windows so you can watch teh country go by.

          Arkansas and So. Illinois were dull, but the rockies part was gorgeous.

          • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

            Ooooooooh a corn field…
            and a cow
            (repeat ad nauseum)
            Like a GOTO loop of mundanity

            Full disclosure, a train ride across the US and/or Canadia is on my bucket list.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            ah, go west my friend. the rockies trip is amaze-balls. And i’ve seen big chunks of it via train.

          • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

            I spent 2 weeks after HS driving around the 4 Corners region. I can’t wait to get back out there with my kiddos.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            you must be from midwest.

            Every person I know who loves the desert is from up that way. Look into Las Cruces, NM, you might llike it.

          • natoslug

            My only Amtrak experience was going from SF to LA (I think. I was 10, so the starting point is a bit hazy). It was 12 hours late due to 1) having to stop and wait for another train going the other way so that someone who had gotten on the wrong train, and only realized it halfway through, could get back to SF, and 2) hitting a truck that had stalled in the middle of the tracks in the middle of nowhere. Good times.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol, it’s not efficient, but if you have the time, worth it.
            FWIW – i made out with a chick i met on the train, met an old school con man, a young con man (who got a preacher’s daughter to give him a beej on the train), a 45 yr. old woman who was holding hands with 2 twin, white rapper dudes, and a drunk irish girl in the smoking car, when they had htose).

            Totally worth it, yo.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Secession now!

      • Chadwells

        And one of those idiots, Sonny Perdue, will be the new fuckwit Secretary of Agriculture!!!!

      • Anna Rompage

        Yep, and one of those Gov is likely to be in charge of overseeing our nuclear energy & weapons programs…

        • Asterix

          He’s the same genius who told Texans to pray away a hurricane. So, when the other Psycho Ruler, from NK, decides to nuke Alaska, I guess we’ll just gather in a prayer circle.

  • LarryHoudini

    Australia? Weird bugs. Netherlands? Need to learn dutch. Costa Rica? Hmm maybe.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      i did a presentation on costa rica 20 years ago in college…apparently they’re getting infiltrated by the cartels due to their stable economy and politics.

      (i have no other recommendations)

      • BadKitty904

        One of my cousins lectures there regularly (an expert in tropical agriculture). He’s said the same thing and hates to see the nation ruined.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          aye, i should have said it wasn’t bad then, it was stable 20 years ago…the drug interdiction efforts have led to the cartel problems seeping into costa rica, from what i’ve read.

          Suppose to be beautiful country though. Best wishes to your primo.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Too many Americanos in Costa Rica now.
      They fucking ruined it.

    • BadKitty904

      Psst. Canada, i.e., “what America is supposed to be”…

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        Canada…

        psst…cold.

        • TJ Barke

          Too close to the Glorious States of Our Dear Father Trump.

          • BadKitty904

            Canada is near Petulant Denial?

        • MynameisBlarney

          It’ll warm up soon enough.

        • BadKitty904

          I consider anything below 70F an arctic hell-scape. You think that climate wasn’t the first thing I researched? Two words – British Columbia…

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            being a floridian, you would…

            ; )

            Used to laugh at the florida people wearing jackets in 70 degree weather…shit I do that here in texas, but I’m a fat scotch-irish person, so, I’m adapted to it (except when I took out hte trash to be picked up this morning, damn it was cold).

          • BadKitty904

            Damn str8. What am I, a penguin?

            Let the snowbirds laff. We’ll see who’s laffing come August, when it’s 95+ and I’m wearing a suit without breaking a sweat.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            oh lord, I went to my interview in a suit, the three bosses interviewing me told me, “Nobody wears a suit jacket around here.”

            Then come afternoon, as in hot ass time o’ day, what do these fuckers do? GET HOT ASS COFFEE! I’m fucking dehydrating and these bastards are getting pure jet-fuel coffee every day at 3.

            I’ve said before, my entire time there was like living in bizarro world.
            ; P

          • BadKitty904

            Odd. The custom here, among natives, at least, is usually iced coffee in summer, hot coffee in winter. Kinda like gin in summer, bourbon in winter (rum is year-round, since it “prevents fever,” per the old-timers).

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i finally realized why gin and tonic is a thing…it’s very refreshing on the hot humid days.

          • BadKitty904

            Especially with a twist o’ lime and plenty of ice!

            Per Wikipedia (don’t tell my Mom [a librarian] that I quoted this source):

            The cocktail was introduced by the army of the British East India Company in India. In India and other tropical regions, malaria was a persistent problem. It was discovered that quinine could be used to prevent and treat the disease. The quinine was drunk in tonic water – however, the bitter taste was unpleasant. British officers in India in the early 19th century took to adding a mixture of water, sugar, lime, and gin to the quinine in order to make the drink more palatable, thus the gin and tonic was born. Soldiers in India were already given a gin ration, and the sweet concoction made sense. Since it is no longer used as an antimalarial, tonic water today contains much less quinine, is usually sweetened, and is consequently much less bitter.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i’ve heard that! also too the fruits were anti-rickets.

            But really, it is refreshing in the heat. Tha’ts why you see people ordering it in movies about So. Africa, India, etc.

          • BadKitty904

            Same deal with the British Navy – sailors didn’t like drinking their highly sour lemon-juice ration, to prevent scurvy, so officers started adding it to their rum ration, with some sugar – hey, presto, “grog”!

            Yah, pretty much throughout the old British Empire. Aside from martinis and brandy, G&Ts are the only hard-liquor drinks I’ve ever seen James Bond imbibe.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            the shit i learn here is incredible!

            ; )

          • Notreelyhelping

            It’s cool if gray is your favorite color.

        • Suttree

          You’ll get used to drinking whiskey and setting fires everywhere you go.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            is ice fishing mandatory?

          • Suttree

            Haha! When I lived in Vermont, we had a company ice fishing outing every year. Two guys fished while the rest of us got falling down drunk next to the big ass fire that we cooked a ton of meat on. So yes, you have to “ice fish”.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            it’s my understanding from the anthropological studies done, ingesting large amounts of beer is part of the “ice fishing” ritual.

            That part I can do…freezing my balls off is not something I can do.

          • Suttree

            Bonfires everywhere!

      • Beanz&Berryz

        what America used to be…

    • MynameisBlarney

      New Zealand?

      • Suttree

        You might wind up somewhere near Peter Thiel. Yuck.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Meh…
          Not worried about him.

    • Anna Rompage

      Weird bugs?

      Can’t be as bad as brain eating amoebas, scabies, chiggers, Zika infected mosquitoes, and all those conservative trilobites that are infected with absurd amounts of stupidity…

    • ViveLaRésistance

      I live in Florida so I’m used to weird bugs. Australia it is.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    OT: Moar good news:

    Pentagon working to exempt Iraqi F-16 pilot trainees from Trump travel ban

    he Defense Department and Iraqi diplomats are trying to find a way to exempt Iraqi military pilots from President Trump’s executive order on immigration and allow them to continue training in the United States with the Air Force.

    A Pentagon official confirmed to Air Force Times Monday that the department was working on an exemption allowing Iraqis to continue traveling to the U.S. to learn to fly F-16s, and said officials hoped to have the details ironed out today. The Washington Examiner first reported that a possible exemption was in the works.

    https://www.airforcetimes.com/articles/trump-immigration-order-iraqi-pilots?ct=t%28TFN+2_1_17%29&mc_cid=23e577e8c7&mc_eid=%5BUNIQID%5D

    • beingreleased

      Trump isn’t going to want us to train Iraq terrorists how to kill us.

    • Shan

      How long will it take to “exemption” that EO into the ground and how many more people will die first?

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i’ve noticed every single EO has an exemption available…now, if i was a lawyer, I’d do that too to give me and my client maximum flexibility, but still…

        • Suttree

          But hopefully you wouldn’t be doing it after the fact. Like maybe some sort of planning ahead. I know, it sounds crazy.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol, you should read the damages section of my hypothetical lawsuit for class, i’m trying to recover every single fucking penny my hypothetical client can get.

            (Although I’m thinking of introducing the fact that he worked an 18 hour day the day of the incident and was on some heavy medication, just to keep things interesting. I have to play both defense and plaintiff side on this same case all semester, so, you know.).

    • Suttree

      What? I said no Muslims!!!!!!

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        No Moo-slims. The executive order clearly banned skim milk, not Mohammedans.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      So 5 yr old Iraqis are a national threat, but Iraqis flying F-16s are OK?

      • Alternative Pony Ron

        If Iraq ever hires any 5-year-old pilots ICE will NEVER know what to do!

  • Crystalclear12

    I will be pointing out as often as possible to those people that said Trump was running on “economic insecurity” not racism, that everything on income inequality he has walked back. Everything that he said about bigotry and hatred – green light.

    • BadKitty904

      Thanks, President Bannon!

      • Alternative Pony Ron

        We need to spread this meme far and wide.

        • BadKitty904

          Amen. Nothing will push Cheetolini over the edge faster.

    • Lord Jim

      No one has been able to explain to me how economic matters were decisive in an election in a nation of SUB-5% UNEMPLOYMENT and in which the president-elect LOST THE POPULAR VOTE.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos
    • Nounverb911
    • MynameisBlarney
    • Suttree

      He looks like he’s waiting for it to take off and fly around the room.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        right?

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        he’s what TX mom calls a jungle cat, he wants to be at the absolute highest point in any room…really.

        He likes to sleep up on her bookcase, he begs to use me as a jump pad to the other bookcase…he naps up in my closet. He sleeps on top of the bookcases in the living room (mom and late dad are/were big readers, so lots of book cases).

        Jungle cat!

        • Suttree

          Hehe! I used to have a kitty that was queen of the partially ajar door. It did not look comfortable.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol, mom’s boyfriend cat was pawing at her door a few nights ago as I went to the bathroom.

            He thinks I”m too weird and doesn’t like me. I went to open the door, and he was like, “nah, I got it” and used his nose to push the door open.

            Yeah, mom and white cat can’t be kept apart!

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      and for you ocd/germaphobe folk like me, yes, it’s empty.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Except for the cat in it.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          pedant!

          But yeah, you’re right.

    • Yr. Gma

      Why do cats always pick the smallest box to stuff themselves in to?

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        “iz cozy” – da katz

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i actually read an article somewhere saying it was a “safe place’, evolutionary thing.

        I have this sort of mini entertainment center thing…it’s just been around and I use it as a flat space to put things.

        Anyway, it has this little space for a vcr/dvd/cable box, whatever. He likes to climb up in there.

        the white cat likes to hid in the bushes and under the nasty ass back porch bench.

        I don’t get it either, gramma.

    • BadKitty904

      Lo-Cal Kitty!!!

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i swear, as soon as I clean, I’ll get video of him climbing up the bunk-bed ladder.

        • BadKitty904

          lol Our cat when I was growing up, Thomasina, used to do that!

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            I just ran across this, to prove the jungle cat post. (This is bastard cat on mom’s van, presumably while I’m unloading groceries).

            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/52f51d9f0a6e39410f86b191538e1e82b80472979615a3306e35083618156a77.jpg

          • BadKitty904

            He looks impatient, like he’s waiting for his tuna.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            he’s a biter…he had some sort of freudian mix up and he thinks biting is love…just a few hours ago he was crashed in my bed…

            pet…pet…pet…BITE!

            I’m trying to teach him, so I yank my hand away when he does that.

            So I give him a few minutes, then, pet, pet, pet…then BITE!

            I’m convinced he has “issues”, which is why I give him a lot of space and patience when I can. I consider us kindred spiritis…even though the little fucker drives me crazy sometimes.

          • Alternative Pony Ron

            Our renter’s big kitten/little cat is somewhat like that. She is convinced that affection is a prelude to play, and will attack your hand at random when you pet her. And yet she’ll also curl up with her ‘owner’ and sleep next to him all night… before jumping onto his chest first thing in the morning.
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljznNi79a-c

    • Usedtobeyellerdawg

      Sweet!

      • Alternative Pony Ron

        AND calorie-free!

  • Fartknocker

    I can’t wait to enroll in the Liberty U degree program for my Veterinarian degree. None of those pesky science classes – it’s all about God just like the Bible. Did you know my first class is the Anatomy of Fishes and Loaves? Take that you heathen bitches!

    • TJ Barke

      Determining the wickedness of sheep 101 is the real tough one.

      • PubOption

        Don’t all the sheep go to the right and all the goats go to the left?

        • Alternative Pony Ron

          Ah, I see you have the Cliff’s Notes for the class.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        No, no…Advanced Casting Out of Demons. There’s a really tough practical exam at the end, and you have to provide your own herd of swine.

      • Usedtobeyellerdawg

        The Chinese crossed a human and pig the other day. We’re just one experiment away from actual Sheeple! They might need a vet.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          The Chinese were late. Donald Trump’s parents did that seventy years ago.

      • Lord Jim

        AG 300 – Striped Sticks and Animal Husbandry

    • boyblue123

      Pray for people’s pets to get better and charge them $1000 for the service

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      If you’ve truly mastered the Art of the Deal, you can hand them $500 and tell them Jesus will magically turn it into the full tuition.

  • unclejeems

    Enlightenment? What Enlightenment? We don’t need your goll-danged Enlightenment!

    • Notreelyhelping

      “The Enlightenment, a diabolical Communist plot….”

  • JMP

    Hi everybody! This is great news for graduates of Hollywood Upstairs Medical College!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMqLcjFuagc

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_w_n-8w3IQ

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rnpy3cC673o

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      love dr. nick….”160 most egregious charges…”
      Lol.

  • JohnLindhe

    And those pesky Feds have rules that you have to let in blacks to get financial aid. How intrusive!

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      And who needs Title IX

      • Randy Riddle

        Or the ADA for that matter?

  • Yr. Gma

    The much-loved-by-Republicans free market will sort this out. Businesses will refuse to hire graduates from those “universities” this nonsense will create. Medical schools and law schools will institute tougher entry protocols, beyond the MCAT and LSAT, in order to weed out the dummies. Universities that push back will attract more students because their graduates will be in demand. The “flood” of for-profit graduates will do as they do now and go to work for the same “institutions” that educated them since that’s the only way they can claim “placement” numbers. Of course, the USA will be the laughing stock of the rest of the world, and all the rich foreign students we now see will be going elsewhere. Go free market!

    • shaar dula

      oh then they will sue for discrimination against faith.

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      Canadian universities are already seeing an uptick in applications from out of the country. And that was BEFORE this, and the Muslim ban.

      • Yr. Gma

        If I weren’t retired (and have vowed never to read another student paper as long as I live) I might go back and get a job.

  • Nounverb911
    • Proud Liberal

      Yikes!

    • Yr. Gma

      I hope she didn’t then eat the apple.

    • boyblue123

      “got stuck”

      A snake just doesnt wonder into one’s earlobe

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        given the reddening of her lower earlobe, I call bullshit…course I was (apparently) wrong about the gator thing.

        • boyblue123

          is the gator thing something even weirder than a snake in an earlobe

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            no, not at all.
            Myself and commenter shivaskeeper were on and on about video of a HUGE ass gator on twitter.

            Commenter scrofula hates when I get in forensic video mode.

            Anyway, I call bullshit.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        always check the source:

        Glawe’s pet ball python, Bart, found his way into her ear when she placed him around her shoulders this week, CNN reports.

        Before Glawe could pinpoint what was going on, she believed Bart was attacking the side of her head.

        “What (it) felt like (was) he struck at my ear — I like froze instantly. I didn’t move because I really thought he was like attacking the side of my head,” Glawe told Jeanne Moos of CNN.

        It soon became clear that the python did not attack her — they are just drawn to holes. (The snakes are not venomous and constrict their prey.)

        • boyblue123

          ooohhh…creepy

        • Shan

          I worked in a hospital years ago and heard all kinds of bizarre stories from the ER doctors about people coming in with unlikely explanations for how various objects got stuck in various orifices.

          I’m putting this one in the “I slippped and fell right into my shop vac hose” category.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            heh, seinfeld had an episode: “I swear doc! IT was one in a million chance!”

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            Yeah those shop vacs are vicious, they’ll hunt you down. At least, that’s what I hear in the ER

      • Thiazin Red

        Yeah, I call BS on that one. She thought it would be cool to put it in her stupid ear hole.

      • NastyBossetti

        I don’t know; I think it’s plausible. Snake people like to walk around with snakes around their shoulders. My brother had pythons, and he was once bitten by one of them when he thought it was a good idea to brush his teeth while wearing it and accidentally spat on its head. Snakes are as curious as any other animals, so that it might stick its head through her ear hole doesn’t seem that odd to me.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        That’s what SHE said.

    • honeywest

      Ewww

    • Notreelyhelping

      Oregon: it’s different here.

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      More importantly, what is Florida Woman doing in Oregon?

  • Cool_North

    Alt-facts, alt-education, alt-universe.

  • Larry Linn

    Jerry Falwell Jr. and higher education are mutually exclusive terns!

  • SayItWithWookies

    This is an interesting departure from the usual conservative line — typically Republicans like to combine destroying education with importing foreign labor. Now with Assmouth’s xenophobic policies, we won’t become stupid and run by foreign technocrats — just stupid.

  • ViveLaRésistance

    I know many in the Wonketariat are academics. It was nice knowing you.

    • eggsacklywright

      Watch out for that first step in the Great Leap Forward!

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        Fear not! Dear Leader will have us all manufacturing spray-tan in our backyard workshops in no time flat!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I’m going to start a for-profit school built out of toxic sludge. Two birds, etc.

    • eggsacklywright

      With undocumented Messican laborers, right?

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    I just really want legislation that will prevent my taxes from going to christian schools, home-schoolers and for profit schools. Is that too much to ask?

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Apparently. Also too, why do you hate America?

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      Yes
      – the GOP

  • Bitter Scribe

    I wonder if buying up the now-rock-bottom priced stocks of for-profit Scam U.s would be a good investment.

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      Start your own. Why buy someone else’s problems? I’m sure you’ll be able to get accredited for a small donation to the RNC (and don’t forget Donnie’s cut.)

  • honeywest

    Watch “God’s New Army” – documentary about Patrick Henry University. 2006. And all their wishes came true. Never trust any right wing organization with the word “Liberty” in it’s title. I don’t even think they’re allowed to have a Dem club on campus. Well, I’m glad I am old and not just starting College.

  • Pookabun

    Oh well, education isn’t that big a deal, right? Nah, we can do without it just fine, I’m sure. Shouldn’t have any untoward consequences for the future. .

    • Ducksworthy

      I actually once heard Carl Lindner bragging about how he never had no stinking college education (Your don’t remember Carl. How about his pal Bebe Rebozo? United Fruit Co. (various dictatorial Central American Governments) the S&L Crisis, John McCain, Keating 5, American Financial Corporation? Don’t worry, the sequel is coming soon.)

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        He was just the pre-bozo, from the looks of it.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        College is for fags and communists.

  • honeywest

    US ranks 14th in Education and a whopping 2nd in Ignorance. https://rankingamerica.wordpress.com/category/education/

  • ViveLaRésistance

    Meh. Once we’re living in the zombie post-apocalyptic wasteland next week, all your fancy-pants college diploma will be good for is kindling.

  • BearGHAZI

    Ensuring stupidity is a matter of survival for the Republican Dream

  • CATMAN

    Spawn of the late Master Grifter is going to make it easier to rip off the student loan program by loosening accreditation rules under the aegis of academic freedom–make America Stupid again!

    • Beanz&Berryz

      And financially crippled by student loan debt

      • Alternative Pony Ron

        Stupid and indebted. I forget, what’s the one that makes up the third part of the GOP trifecta?

        • Mike Steele

          Armed.

          • Alternative Pony Ron

            Right, THAT’S why I can never remember it.
            ‘Scuse me, gonna go hide under the bed again.

    • Ducksworthy

      All Federal programs are inherently filled with grafting Republican maggots. Many are designed to be that way.

  • btwbfdimho

    Deregulation in education —-> more Trump Universities flourishing everywhere. For-profit college = fastfoodization of education. Online college, Univ of Phoenix and all that crap.
    A good Frontline production about the topic here.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPQaBqM_YXg

  • btwbfdimho

    From your exit-polls link, what would be the future of college in the United States of Trumpestán?
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0d58ee330c8a7348788c6158328e393be58046a2c8f3d46a84b5065e5bf597d0.png

    • Ducksworthy

      Shouldn’t there be a fourth column “Can’t Remember”.

  • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

    It makes perfect sense. The Republicans are transforming the United States into a colony–a gigantic, scarred, tax and regulation free zone for kazillionaires, plus a bottomless pit of natural resources now that they’ve opened up all those pussy-ass “national parks” so real, manly men in the fossil fuel and mining industries can have at them.

    Anyone who is anyone isn’t even going to live here any more (they’re all scarpering off to massive estates in New Zealand, or wherever), because the whole country is basically about to become just a duty-free port with a lot of open-pit mining going on

    That leaves the rest of the rest of us scrambling to survive in what will basically have become a gigantic, reeking, violent system of enclaves and favelas in which gunplay becomes both a form of entertainment and a herd-thinning device.

    So with all that, who really needs higher education and some of the world’s greatest public universities? Answer me that.

  • Notreelyhelping

    Biology won’t even be offered as an elective, will it?

    • BadKitty904

      Why do you ask, SINNER?!?1?

      • Court B

        lol…

      • Notreelyhelping

        Oh…thought maybe, you know, doctors…could come in handy with…never mind.

        • zerosumgame0005

          well, there are plenty of leeches still and dunking withes worked real gud way back when, since of course they cause disese with all their foul humors and stuff

          http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/theodoric-of-york/n8661?snl=1

        • BadKitty904

          FAITH will sew that arm back on, ya heathen!!1!

          • Notreelyhelping

            (I am so embarrassed.)

          • mailman27

            Unless you can find an Igor.

        • BearDeLaOursistance

          If you know the right people, you can still sign up for Botany 205 (Ergot and its Derivatives) or Mech. Engr. 301 (Structural Elements of Wire Hangers).

  • BrendaKay

    I read Space by James Michener recently and this quote seems appropriate here:
    “An age is called Dark, not because the light fails to shine, but because people refuse to see it.”

  • whitroth

    Overarching regulation? Is that like, I dunno, Title 9?

    • Ducksworthy

      Constitution

  • Up In Smoke O’hontas

    Where’s Larry Flynn when we need him?

    …oh.

  • Alternative Pony Ron

    Back when I was in high school (Yes, we had high schools back then in Canadia. They were in igloos and we had to club our own seals for lunch, in case you were wondering.) we’d talk about going to US colleges and universities. There were a few advantages at the time, but the main problem was that in a number of disciplines American diplomas were considered inadequate, and often people going for post-grad work in other countries would need to take an additional year of school to catch up to everyone else.
    I can see that that might have been considered a golden age compared to what’s coming. I also foresee a thriving business in ‘accredited colleges’ whose campus consists of a bank account and a printer.

  • Scrofula
  • Lord Jim

    The horseapple don’t fall far from the sphincter, does it?

  • dluch

    between Trump U & Liberty U – you’ll be ready for the brave new world…

  • HazooToo

    So this is basically the Dept of Education for the next 4 years. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Spuoivlh79I

  • mailman27

    Such stragety. Very education.

  • JayGoldenBeach

    Even worse than the education deformers and deregulation zealots shilling for Big Business oligarchs and Wall Street money changers are the perpetually gullible American voters who believe safety and consumer protections are bad.

  • hvdv

    I work in higher education. On days like today, when I just spent 12 solid hours interacting with students, it seems there’s not much you can do to fuck with young people’s basic reading, writing and thinking skills more than has already been done. I am unpleasantly surprised to see I may be wrong.

  • Phoenixdoglover

    Jerry Falwell, Jr.? According to Forbes 2016 rankings, Liberty University is at #651 out of 660.

    I guess Quincy Adams Wagstaff was not available.

    Wagstaff: Let us follow a corpuscle on its journey… Now then, baboons, what is a corpuscle?
    Baravelli: That’s easy! First is a captain… then a lieutenant… then is a corpuscle!
    Wagstaff: That’s fine. Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    “I LOVE the poorly educated!!”

  • Maybe

    Yeah. Fix. As in “neuter.”

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