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Are we sure he's not just Bill Maher with funny hair? Funnier hair?
Liar? Yeah? You think?

Tuesday afternoon, many people were thrilled to hear that President Barry Hussein O’Bamz had commuted Chelsea Manning’s (very long) sentence for leaking government secrets, bringing it down from 35 years to time served, plus a few more months, to get ready for living in the free world again. She will be out in May! On top of being happy, many people also were LOLing at Obama being all funny, considering how Wikileaks alleged rapist goon Julian Assange made a promise just last week that he would roll his lily-white ass out of the Ecuadorian embassy in London, where he’s been hiding, and face extradition to the United States if Obama granted Manning clemency. Here is that tweet:

assange

The Justice Department case against Assange (IF IT EXISTS, which it probably most certainly does) comes from that time Chelsea Manning gave all those government secrets to Assange in 2010. And of course, Assange still faces rape charges in Sweden (and he apparently thinks it’s LIBELS!!!!111! to mention that, as Wonkette’s C.A. Pinkham found out). And then there are all the current inquiries into Wikileaks’s role in Russian interference in the 2016 election. In short, LOTSA FUCKIN’ PEOPLE want to talk to this guy, and maybe put him in jail for one million years for being the worst person on earth.

When news of Manning’s commutation broke, Assange’s lawyer Melinda Taylor seemed to suggest Assange wouldn’t go back on his word, and the Wikileaks Twitter account (likely run by either Julian or his cat or his mom) got all huffy and puffy about how Assange would TOTALLY win any U.S. case against him. Hell, at 11:16 AM today, Eastern Time, Wikileaks tweeted that Assange is “happy to come to the US provided all his rights are guarenteed [sic] despite White House now saying Manning was not quid-quo-pro [sic].”

But, oh well, guess somebody had an uncomfortable bowel movement between two hours ago and now, because here’s the latest:

The attorney for Julian Assange said President Obama’s commutation of Chelsea Manning’s sentence does not meet the conditions of the WikiLeaks head’s offer to be extradited to the United States if Manning were pardoned. […]

“Mr. Assange welcomes the announcement that Ms. Manning’s sentence will be reduced and she will be released in May, but this is well short of what he sought,” said Barry Pollack, Assange’s U.S.-based attorney, via email.

“Mr. Assange had called for Chelsea Manning to receive clemency and be released immediately.”

Oh goodness, Peaches found a loophole! Or lied. Let’s go with “lied.” (ALLEGEDLY.) Because that is decidedly not what that tweet, pasted above for easy reference, said. And hey, maybe Obama wasn’t doing a quid pro quo, and instead was simply showing mercy to a person who was being mistreated in our prison system, a person whose life is pretty much ruined now anyway, regardless of what you think of her crimes. But Assange (or his cat or his mom, or Mabel, the sweet old retiree he hired to Do Twitter) just said, “If Obama grants Manning clemency.” And Obama did.

But oh well, it’s not like we expect Assange or Wikileaks, that great vanguard of transparency, to be above totally fucking lying when it suits their purposes, like say about whether Russia handed them all those Clinton/Podesta emails, or if it serves to keep Julian Assange safe in a warm bed in the Ecuadorian embassy, where he can play with his balls in peace.

[The Hill via Towleroad]

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  • Nounverb911

    Assange? Isn’t he that rapist fellow?

    • Oblios_Cap

      Allegedly.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        Allegedly a fellow human or rapist?

        • eka

          though the rape charges are tricky, i think they’d be easier to prove than his status as human being.

          unless you take the view that humans are horrible (easier to prove than the reverse). In that case he’s textbook human.

          • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

            Nice argument. A very Trumpian spin.

      • Yr. Gma

        No. I’m pretty sure he’s a fellow.

      • Shalimar

        Twice

  • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

    when my wiki leaks I seek medical treatment for a STD.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Weird. I call a plumber. Clearly, one of us is doing it wrong.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Either way, both of you should have your wikis checked now, before the Affordable Obamacare Act is repealed.

    • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

      You should call Drumpf, instead; you could get paid for it. oh, wait.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Just arrest him when he comes to his Senate hearing to be confirmed as our next CIA Director.

    • ViveLaPeésistance

      This does seem to be the simplest solution.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Was that final “piece” a deliberate typo? As in, someone should kick his balls into pieces? (With votes?)

  • Manhattan123

    Everyone connected with Trump seems to like to take leaks.

    • BadKitty904

      Ew.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I believe “WikiLeaks” is Ecuadorean for “useless partisan fucks,” but you never can be sure with Google Translate.

    • Shalimar

      Funny, my Google Translate said it meant “too much lube.”

      • Nounverb911

        Santorum is wikileaks?

        • Shalimar

          It’s the process of producing santorum, not santorum itself.

  • Nounverb911
    • Msgr_MΩment

      His pecker half-twitched at the sound of “leaking”.

  • Shalimar

    Assange doesn’t do the lawyering nit-picky thing well. You’re supposed to use very specific words and then point out your loophole because your terms weren’t met, not very general words like clemency that clearly apply to the actual result. Idiot.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Well, he is a furriner. Maybe he don’t speak ‘Merican real good

  • CraigSchultz

    Unpresidented!

    • Nounverb911

      Well, the US will be that on Friday at 12:01PM.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Worst house guest ever!

  • Nounverb911

    Anyone know the closest pizza delivery place to the Ecuadorean Embassy in London?

    • Lizzietish81

      They do not deliver pizza in London. At least that’s what I read in Long Dark Tea Time of the Soul

      • Suttree

        Get drunk and call anyway. Then bitch at them.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      This is no time to send that cur child sex slaves!

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    I was pretty neutral on the Assmange until he attacked C.A. Now? Fuck that guy with the Russian Puppet’s tiny, orange, limp dick.

  • BadKitty904

    As always, Julian Assange will do whatever is best for Julian Assange.

  • WiscoJoe

    Oh, hey, look what I wrote about this yesterday:

    “…it depends on what the definition of “clemency” is. Manning is set to be in prison until May 2017. I’m guessing Assange could always claim that it doesn’t count as clemency unless she is released immediately.”

    It’s all too predictable at this point.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I’d wager that Clement Attlee would not pass his definition for “clemency”.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    You don’t say?

    Welcome to reality. It turns out the enemy of my enemy can also be my enemy.

    The trouble with deciding to throw in with sociopaths and narcissists and those that support them because they seem to be going after people who you “oppose” out of reflex is ….

    this is how we got Trump, among other things.

  • Oblios_Cap

    No self-respecting cat would run Wikileaks’ Twatter account.

    • Crystalclear12

      Standards.

    • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

      Birds neither.

  • Nounverb911

    So what would it take for the Ecuadorean Ambassador to expel him already?

    • Lizzietish81

      They have to find him first, he’s lurking in one of their closets.

      • Suttree

        Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      According to this auto play HuffyPo link, the loss of their illusion that they can work with Donald.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Fire drill?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I knew this would happen. Way to have courage of your convictions (heh heh), asshole…

  • one_who_wanders

    Well knock me over with a bulldozer.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Let’s go with “lied.”

    Uh oh. Somebody’s asking to be sent to bed without his supper, just like Pinkham.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Dear Abby:

    Automatically, every single time I see a news story about Julian Assange, I suddenly have The Penguins’ song “Earth Angel” playing in my head incessantly, though with the words changed to “Ass Angel.” Should I seek professional help?

    Sincerely,
    Suffering in San Francisco

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      I’m partial to Ass-anger, myself.

      – Livid in Los Angeles

      • Scrofula

        I had some ass-anger yesterday, I tell you what. Metformin and french fries with hot sauce. Bad news.

    • Paul
  • AngryKatie

    Eh, either Pootie will make Trump pardon him next week, or Trump will do it on his own because he’s decided to give Assange a promotion and he can’t telecommute anymore.

  • WomanInTheResistance

    You know, if you’re going to publish troll-bait, a little heads’ up would be appreciated. I’m running very low on TrollBeGone, and really don’t feel like going to the store.

    • WiscoJoe

      Disqus offers a “block user” function now, even more effective than TrollBeGone.

      • WomanInTheResistance

        “Block user” is my friend, no question.

  • Vincent Ricola

    Ah, the semantics argument. The last reach in any dying discussion between one side that is right and another side that is an asshole loser that has to distract by any means necessary.

    • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

      … and is also an alleged rapist.

    • Scrofula

      Depends what you mean by “asshole loser”, and is the discussion “dying” or just crawling away in shame?

  • Lizzietish81

    I’m sure Putin would be HAPPY to take him in.

    • arglebargle

      I’m sure Putin would be HAPPY to take him in out.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        If he got extradited to the US, that would be the case. Assange would sing like the caged canary he is, and Putin can’t have that. Bye, bye, Julian.

  • I wonder how many “this user is blocked” tags I will see.

  • Michael R

    He’ll be out free in a few licky weeks .

  • BrianW

    Assange is just like those guys I used to deal with when I worked in a jail. Nine times out of ten, it goes like this:
    Prisoner: Motherfucker, if you open that door, I’ll…
    Me: [click of key, screech of hinges] you’ll what?
    Prisoner: Uh, nothing, …sir.
    Me: Yeah, that’s what I thought.

  • shivaskeeper

    Because I can’t say it enough: The guy that turned Manning in to the FBI after taking all the docs from her was Wikileaks editor Adrian Lamo.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I predict trump will do his best to try and revoke the clemency. Ya know, black guy did it.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    What’s Assange’s backstory and motivation? Why does some random Australian suddenly decide to love Putin so much, in 2010, when faced with possible rape charges?

    I caught a couple of mins last night of Maddow doing a piece on how Putin’s entire career has been built on using KGB/FSB resources to tape people for blackmail.

    So what’s he got on Assange?

    • Anna Rompage

      I’m sure he has a lot, similar to what what he has on Trump…

    • Scrofula

      A couple slugs in the back of the head.

    • eka

      assange’s desperation? where else could he turn at this point? i think he’s fine with being hated, but couldn’t stand being forgotten.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Vlad would hate me. I’m so damned boring, there isn’t anything he could get me on that would blackmail me.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    That Leakywiks guy must be the worst houseguest ever. He moves in one day and then it’s all “maybe tomorrow” for years on end when you ask him when he is going to leave.

    • Scrofula

      Like, does he pay for lunch? Someone bring him cornflakes in the morning? Or does he just take people’s shit from the common fridge? He seems like he’d be a smoker too. Does he chip in on the power bill?

      • OrdinaryJoe

        And the cable bill? I’ll bet he is always bogarting the server with his email shit.

        • eka

          well, maybe putin will help out on that. just keep him safe, happy, and working and it’ll be taken care of.

  • Darthhippy

    My question remains, the state GOP parties got hacked. For example where the hacks in the states were the GOP didn’t let Trump win, and then why were they not handed over to Wikileaks, or if they where handed over?

    • Scrofula

      Pretty sure they were, just not published, for obvious reasons.

  • Anna Rompage

    I too tried to bring up the fact that Assange still faces rape charges in Sweden on the DickyLeaks twitter feed…

    OMG, the number of people who posted bat shit crazy denials reminded me of the time I tried to post a little factual info over on InfoWars…

    • WomanInTheResistance

      You do like living on the edge, don’t you?

      • Anna Rompage

        my twitter account is not directly attached to me, it’s under my alias of Anna Rompage, and I just use it to post contradictory info to Trump’s feed, and a few select others…

        • Anna Rompage

          Speaking of which, I posted a few bits on Laura Ingraham’s feed… Boy those religious followers of her are nutty as a bowl of Grape Nuts!

        • WomanInTheResistance

          Good. Although using a female name must make it super fun. And please be sure to wipe your shoes thoroughly before coming back.

          • Anna Rompage

            I leave my tyvek hazmat suit outside once I’m done over there…

          • WomanInTheResistance

            Much appreciated.

  • Michael Smith

    Maybe he’s waiting for Trump.

  • WiscoJoe

    Related: Anonymous has a pretty thorough explainer/take-down of Assange on Twitter:

    https://twitter.com/YourAnonCentral/status/819553140701806593

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      For those who can’t go on the Twatter:

      First and foremost we have to make it clear the Julian Assange has been a fascist ideologue far before 2010. It is a popular belief that Julian Assange is a avid supporter of human rights, gov’t transparency, and open government. Wikileaks was built/ created by many ppl; many of the ideas attributed w/ it are not in line w Assange’s politics. Wikileaks started as a leak platform but almost immediately stopped accepting leaks for years. This is because the software developer behind it (leak platform) left the project. We assume he is still writing software.@Wikileaks copied a publish everything leak platform idea from John Young’s Cryptome project. John Young left but JY still adheres to this principle. .@Wikileaks was considered to be against war crimes/ for rights of civilians based on leaks in 2010 from @xychelsea. Her (@xychelsea) principles appear unchanged. @Wikileaks has been associated with open government and transparency such as the IMMI initiative in Iceland. Initiatives were work of @birgittaj who is still a pirate MP in Iceland & still a transparency/ open government activist. Many people thought @Wikileaks supported human rights, horizontal governance and was a megaphone for those at risk based on their (@wikileaks) Twitter feed from 2010 to 2012. News tweeted by @Wikileaks then was based on work of @GeorgieBC, still a prominent human rights & horizontal gov advocate. People thought @Wikileaks was against corporate tyranny and pro-anarchy or governance by the people. This was based on the work of (Jeremy Hammond) @FreeJeremyNet who is certainly still an anarchist. People thought @Wikileaks wanted to support the weak against the powerful. That was #Anonymous, not Julian Assange. From earliest interviews, Assange is a racist, sexist, right wing libertarian who loved Rand Paul and the US constitution. His Wikileaks Party met personally with Assad in 2013, they supported AU’s white nationalist fascist party ahead of Greens. Assange has always been more interested in posing with celebrities than talking to anyone working or anyone in need. None of the people who have ever been involved in @Wikileaks have changed. You are just left with the fascist (Assange), all the people whose work he rode off of are still around but not there. Assange didn’t change in 2010. He was never one of the ‘good guys’. Those who made @Wikileaks worth anything simply left. Journalist’s tend to p-shop what @Wikileaks really is into a story of the ‘great man & his struggle’. It sells but it’s wrong. Maybe Putin did blkmail Assange into using WL as RU platform. But more likely he simply found a willing participant. We hope to have cleared up that common misconception on (Assange) @Wikileaks & that you take note of it unlike others.

      • WomanInTheResistance

        Thanks. I don’t do the Twitter.

    • I am surprised that Jules is a facist

  • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

    Assange will come to the US if his sentence is 100 hours of community service installing ‘software’ on State Dept computers.

  • geoffalnutt

    Putin said “Oh no you don’t, Julie! I still need you!”

  • Just to add a bit of class to the discussion, here’s what I always imagine when I hear the name ‘Assange’:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8e9e6cb1283de7a4baecb43d5b7d0822f0bf99dcf3eca79f7d056bbe0151b253.jpg

    (It’s an ‘Ass Orange’)

    • Paul

      That’s fucking classy as shit.

      • Leonordhardiman

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !ud516c:
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  • Nasty Girl Brianna

    HAHAHA! Of COURSE he welched on his promise. Because this racist motherfucker has ZERO honor. Did anybody honestly think he would actually live up to his promises?

    What a fucking tool.

    • CatCafe de la Resistance

      OT sidebar, did you know “welshing on your promise” is actually an anti-Welsh bit of bigotry from the English? Similarly, “the project was Scotched” or “Irish twins.” Nice people, the 19th century English.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    So let’s review the post 2010 internet vigilante record:

    1. WikiLeaks turned out to be run by a self-absorbed amoral sociopath and was co-opted by Russian intelligence.

    2. Anonymous 4chan skids and a few hackers first get social engineered by jihadist groups, the only real hackers get dismantled by the FBI and overseas law enforcement, and the meme lives on as a sort of pathetic thing co-opted by political operatives, Trump-supporters, white supremacists, lefty moralfags, and Russian intelligence.

    The record for this era’s self-proclaimed internet vigilantes is not good.

    • C4TWOMAN

      YMMV? Early channers aged out, moved on to Chanology or WWP. Then to exposing rapists,
      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steubenville_High_School_rape_case#Leaked_evidence

      and neo-nazis

      https://www.splcenter.org/fighting-hate/intelligence-report/2012/anonymous-hacking-collective-declares-operation-blitzkrieg-against-neo-nazi-websites

      There is some overlap with these people and Wikileaks in the beginning, but they drifted apart once wikileaks started to court the anti-gubmint conspiracy crowd.

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        Meh, Sabu wrangled everybody into supporting Jihadists, then got himself nabbed, then became an FBI informant.

        The best of the rest are skids. The rest are worse.

        • C4TWOMAN

          You’ll get no argument with me about Sabu.

          But we’ll have to agree to disagree with that conclusion as it applies to the entire collective.

          No worries.

          • eka

            I think that what is going on in the collective mirrors society as a whole. You have this anti-everything movement and some fall easily on the right and others on the left. Sanders leftists (even though weird because he is still establishment) and gun-loving libertarians. At the end of the day, they’ll find they have to align with something and will fall in different directions.

  • Crystalclear12

    History is not kind to cowards.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    I am not real big on the whole covert actions to neutralize the enemies of American thing, but in this case I could be convinced of the need for exceptions.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Also fuck Kim Dotcom.

  • C4TWOMAN

    “Because that is decidedly not what that tweet, pasted above for easy reference, said.”

    And this, girls and boys, is why you don’t rely on a 140 character limited social networking platform to communicate important information.

    Don’t get me started on normalizing people(almost always on the Alt-right) who will ONLY do “interviews” done via twitter….

    • Bitter Scribe

      Oh hell, the communication medium has nothing to do with it. Even if Manning’s clemency were effective immediately, Assange would probably have found a way to weasel out of his promise. Because he’s a weasel, and that ‘s what they do.

      • C4TWOMAN

        All true, but this over reliance on Twitter exacerbates their problems. Used to be you had a press secretary or PR flack carefully managing how you interact with the media. Considering Assange bad position, it would, be stupid of him not to have a professional doing this. But now they just ADD spew without thinking, then whine when it goes badly.

        I suppose it helps us in a very back handed way….

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Look, wikileaks is pretty much running out of Mama Putin’s basement at this point. Why should they put resources into Assange, other than whatever they’re paying Ecuador?

          • Donkey Option

            I do really wonder about all those people who supported Snowden and Assange when they are working with the Russians against American interests. I get not agreeing with some stuff going on in the US, and some stuff our government does, but holy crap how is Russia the better choice in this? How are they in any way the good guys in this?

          • Carpe Vagenda

            I understand they’re very supportive of Glenn Greenwald’s marriage.

          • C4TWOMAN

            I don’t know why they don’t just house him in St. Petersburg and have done with it. Oh, that would be too obvious….

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Do you think they want him? He’s an effete douche (just because louche douche is too samey) with no discipline. Not something Putin’s going to waste underaged hookers on.

          • C4TWOMAN

            But they could control him better. He’s not completely stupid. At some point it will occur to him he might better a better deal turning over everything he has on the Russians to the US. Or even Britain.

            That’s the problem with these espionage games–everyone has something on someone.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Eh. They can control him now with gloves on. Who’s he going to sell them to?

      • Bozilingus
  • Beanz&Berryz

    …”play with his balls”… reminds me of a great joke from middle school, which kinda relates to Assange.

    Why does a dog lick its balls?

    Because it can….

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Two guys walking down the street com across a dog licking his balls. The first guy says, “I wish I could do that.” The second guy says, “Well, I think you can, but I’d pet him first.”

      • Beanz&Berryz

        LOLZ! Middle school had the best jokes.

  • VagendaofNastyWoman

    And his pussy. Don’t forget that poor cat.

  • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq

    So…HYPOTHETICALLY…if comments were allowed (which we know they are not), IF I were to call Assange a rapist asshole, I would be sued for libelz because reasons?

    • richardgrabman

      And would you be extradited to wherever for it. This seems a more important legal point than any… what gives the US jurisdiction in the first place?

      • Jenny

        Libel is a tort in America, not a criminal case. No one has to be extradited anywhere, and a trial can be held absence of the parties involved as long as both sides are represented by attorneys who are fighting for the parties interest.

        Paranoia is no substitute for logic.

      • I think you are over looking the very obvious; the most the US could do to thisguy is kick him out of the US.
        There is no DOJ case.
        Julian is a lying liar who lies. He has lied as an excuse to hide until the statute of limitations is up on his rape cases- Plural

      • Iam Reading

        A better question, are you comfortable getting rotisseried by putin and assange?

      • Saxo the Grammarian

        Extradition for a civil tort? My, my, aren’t you the legal eagle?

    • JustDon’tSayPeePee

      Ask Pinkham. I think he’ll say no.

  • richardgrabman

    I get it that this is a US site, and harm to US security might be something you object to, but publishing information from a foreign website where it was not illegal is about the only thing he could possibly be accused of. Helping tilt the election to Trump (as many say)… even if true… by an organization of which is is the presumed leader, isn’t something I’d want a rich country to be able to prosecute a foreigner for. And not something the United States government hasn’t done to the rest of us.

    He may be an irresponsible journalist, and he probably is a jerk. But I must admit, there’s something very troubling about “liberal mommy-blogs” enjoying the prospect of trying a foreigner for things happening in other jurisdictions, just because… what… you’re a rich and powerful nation?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Is that in reference to the original Manning wikileak or the election wikileak? I think they are two different legal things…

    • Carpe Vagenda

      You do realize that he’s hiding in the embassy because he’s evading what he claims to be charges pending against him in the US? He’s certainly not going to be arrested for laundering soviet agitprop.

      • Jennifer R

        Of course the question of pending american charges even only exists to use as a smoke screen to wait out the statue of limitations for the rapes he committed.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          because all his fashionable lefty supporters need a reason to ignore rape and keep seeing him as a hero for heightening their contradictions so effectively.

          I think mostly because they took a break from unelectable crazies to vote for a politician that one time in 2008, and just assumed he was a closet radical despite everything he’d ever said or done in politics because. Well. Reasons. And they feel all betrayed now.

          • Jennifer R

            At this point I know that people who prop up wikileaks are terminally unfuckable MGTOW rapists anyway.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            or just willing to make cause with them in service of. um. repealing all the civil rights advances of the past half century.

          • Jennifer R

            Which ends up in their head being a world where they get a wife that won’t (can’t) say no. Terminally unfuckable.

    • WomanInTheResistance

      He could also be accused of rape. By the Swedish government. And through a strange coincidence, that is actually true.

      • Shan

        And, IIRC, assault for removing a condom without his partner’s knowledge or permission. That’s pretty horrifying.

        • Jennifer R

          Sounds like the kind of shit a Nazi rapist would do to further the white race.

          • Shan

            Or just a selfish douchebag looking for a bit more thrill than wearing a raincoat would allow.

          • Jennifer R

            It would be irresponsible to not speculate about what ever possible racial motives he may have for his rapings and sexual assaults.

    • C4TWOMAN

      “Helping tilt the election to Trump (as many say)… even if true…”

      LOL
      Try harder.

    • Jennifer R

      The guy gets arrested in London after raping two women in Sweden, bails out then runs to the embassy of a third, unrelated, country. (Ecuador) and spends the next EIGHT whoops six years there screaming how if he leaves a FOURTH also unrelated country will demand him and then execute him without trial or some stupid nonsense, to cover up the fact that he raped two women in Sweden, fled to the UK, got popped, jumped bailed and is now hiding from said rape charges.

      • richardgrabman

        Suspicion of rape.. and both cases were troubling. Not that the women’s allegations weren’t serious, and shouldn’t have been taken seriously (which they were), but even Swedish prosecutors had legitimate doubts. Look, I’m not defending the guy, nor do I doubt he helped “ratfuck” (as someone else put it) the US election … but then if the US didn’t ratfuck elections here in Mexico in 1988, 2006, and 2012, I might see that as something that maybe he could be tried for..

        The guy’s an asshole… and probably a rapist (though I don’t think the Swedish courts have ever decided that)… but he’s not the one who put Trump in office, that was the US voters. What bothers me is that people want to have the guy punished the
        ratfucking, or because Wikileaks published material damaging to one candidate and not another, via the rape allegations. Given the tenor of remarks about
        the guy, if I was him, I’d be paranoid too.

        • Jennifer R

          He should be paranoid, the whole world watched him run from rape charges and jump bail to hide in an unrelated country’s embassy while spouting out bullshit about the fourth, unrelated, country wanting him dead and that is why he can’t go back to goddamn SWEDEN to answer rape charges. Sorry looks like shit, smells like shit.

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      He took information given to him illegally obtained from a foreign government (he knew full fucking well where it came from) and published it specifically to harm the US. The guy is Putin’s todger, pull your head out of your ass

    • Hm, or you know, they could just be pointing out his weaseling?
      Which this is.
      This is what weaseling looks like. From now on, when you think weasel, think J-Ass!

    • Iam Reading

      So you are on record defending a liar and a rapist. Compelling reasons to fucking ignore you.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        And seems to have some basic contradictions in ‘his’ thoughts about noninterference.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Ratfucking our election on behalf of Donald Trump may well do more damage to us and the rest of the world than all the crazy Islamic jihadis put together. If you think that’s fair play because the U.S. isn’t perfect, you can pretty much fuck off. And grow up.

    • Bemused

      We haven’t tried to have him extradited at this point. Right now he’s hiding from Sweden.

      My guess is that if he was extradited to the US and charged, he would probably not be found guilty of anything because of the various protections for the press.

    • HazooToo

      Dude, what you’re concern-trolling over is not even a thing. He’s not hiding from us, he’s hiding from Sweden, because he is a rapist. And I’m enjoying his pathetic whining and mocking him, because he’s a rapist and a douchebag. Yeah, I think he helped to disrupt our election, and that in doing so, he put people’s lives in jeopardy and did incalculable damage to our foreign relations. But still, no one has charged him over that, so your point is moot.

  • Jennifer R

    “Lying rapist lies” Isn’t newsworthy.

  • Jenny

    Sure would be nice for the embassy to say “Hey this tweet said you would leave. We already paid the movers. Bai.”

    • C4TWOMAN

      “Don’t bother with a forwarding address. We’ve already decided to compost your mail.”

  • ken_kukec

    You know Obama didn’t waste his time as a back-bencher playing Texas Hold ‘Em with the good old boys in Springfield when he comes over the top against a bluff like that.

    • JustDon’tSayPeePee

      It’s bad idea to bluff when you’re holding 7-deuce unsuited and there’s two aces on the flop. Especially heads-up.

      • ken_kukec

        Yeah, pace Cool-Hand Luke, sometimes nothing ain’t such a cool hand.

  • Electric Ukulele Land

    Obama must not have read the fine print of that tweet closely enough. Curses, foiled again! And we almost had Assange right where we wanted him.

  • anon_the_great

    The attorney for Julian Assange said President Obama’s commutation of Chelsea Manning’s sentence does not meet the conditions

    Surprise, surprise, surprise.

    • He is under the impression that the president of the us is beholden to random Euro trash and forgot that is not until the 20th

      • SatanicVagendaRebellion

        Actually, we can’t blame Europe for that – he’s Australian trash and most of us are of the opinion that he’s a smarmy whingeing little shitc*nt too. (Sorry)
        Which is why several sucessive Governments have instituted a firm “let’s all just pretend he doesn’t exist until he moves to Russia or dies of Vitamin D deficiency” policy towards him. :P

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Hey Julian, those goalposts are easier to move if you put them on wheels.

    • Fancy Meau-Faux

      I have a feeling that if a full pardon had been granted that wouldn’t meet the conditions either.
      “What I really meant was turn back time so she never served any of her sentence.”

  • Kevin Morin

    Send in the vegan lunch! That might flush him out.

    • eka

      we have a new vegan restaurant in town. gangster vegan. no, really, that’s the name. now, I like vegan food. and the name put me off a bit, but i thought i’d give it a try. then i looked at the menu and concluded they are smug assholes who will find a reason to think themselves better than pretty much anyone they encounter. and i usually hate people who accuse vegans and vegetarians as being holier-than-thou. I’m wondering if this place is a plant by the meat lobby to make non meat eaters look bad.

      • BearOmegaNomNom

        No, a plant by the meat lobby just means Donnie will insist on a Brazilian first.

        • H0mer0

          Instead of a “fur burger?”

      • HazooToo

        There are always a few assholes in every group. Sounds like you found some!

        • eka

          the horrible part is that everyone who’s not vegan will use these assholes as an excuse to hate vegans even though we all know that reducing consumption of animal products is healthy and best for the planet. i’m not vegan or even vegetarian, but i never cook meat and since i eat 99% of my meals at home that means I almost never eat meat. I am certainly an environmentalist and so it drives me crazy when people I agree with alienate others by being assholes.

          • HazooToo

            Same problem I had with the Bernies. Meatless meals aren’t hard or depriving, and most people will order them without even thinking about whether it’s vegan or not. Like mac n cheese or spaghetti marinara. I know those aren’t actually vegan, coz eggs and cheese, but not the point. Point is, make it normal and easy to find and delicious, and you win more followers than you would acting like a special fucking asshole.

      • Roadstergal

        That’s why I like living in Crunchy McLiberal land. We have so many vegetarian and vegan restaurants, they’re forced to compete on being tasty rather than being smug.

  • Iam Reading

    I wonder if ross, our newest resident fuckface troll will be in the comment section of this post.

    • OOOO a new friend?
      Does he like sailor hats, do you think?

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        He seems like a generic bigot. Like my step-grandfather, before he died of cancer.

        • both ew and I am sorry for your loss.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            Oh I didn’t know him. He was a bad person though and left my grandmother poor and, as far as I know, still working.

        • CatCafe de la Resistance

          He likes to posture and be dictatorial, also (“You will be grateful for what you receive!”). A lot of the trolls long to be in some kind of position of power. Sitting around in their pajamas trolling websites is definitely the route to that.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I get the feeling he smells pretty ripe.

    • Edith Prickly

      U nas yest’ novyy trollya?? Gde trollya?

    • WomanInTheResistance

      I think that fine example of a hardworking Scotsman may have flounced out already. Possibly to do more research.

      ETA- Nevermind. I’ve blocked, but it looks like it’s back. Have fun!

      • CatCafe de la Resistance

        No, he flounced, then came back to re-flounce, then came back again. We need to simply keep asking him when he’s going to really flounce.

        • WomanInTheResistance

          I’m happy to say that I can’t see its posts. What a loser.

      • eka

        All you wonket types with a new toy are like lennie in of mice and men. Don’t pet it too hard, okay?

        and that sounded dirty, which is not the thing i want to think about conservative trolls.

        • WomanInTheResistance

          Teehee….and I am pretty JV. There are people here who are true masters.

    • Martini Ambassador

      I speculate that “Ross” was really Assange himself. ‘Cause he probably spends his worthless days in the basement of the Ecuadorian Embassy obsessively Goigl’ing for stories about himself, and gets all pissy and argumentative when somebody calls him out on his crap. So, yeah, he’ll be back.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        By that description, it could be Trump also too

      • puredog

        It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

    • Last time I looked “Ross” had about 180 posts over 3 months trolling LW American sites. Any relationship between this and the alt-Right/Russian involvement in the election is entirely co-incidental – of course ;-|

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    And his record of not ever telling the truth stands.

    • eka

      well, everyone has to be good at something. and clearly being a decent human being is not an achievable goal for him.

  • Lazy Media

    That fuckin’ guy. The United States isn’t seeking extradition of his worthless, lying ass, because he hasn’t been charged with a crime here. Sweden is, on rape charges.

  • bookish

    Yeah, I remember when Brangelina wasn’t going to get married until everybody had their rights n’ stuff but now they’re getting divorced and our democracy is on life support.

  • Relativicus

    I like the part where his ego has inflated to the point where he believes he can negotiate with entire countries.

    • Pisto75666

      Seems to be the general modus operandi with sexual predators

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Well, to be fair to him, it doesn’t seem to be a recent inflation – his ego appears to have been the motivating factor in the rapes he committed in Sweden, also too.

      https://www.theguardian.com/media/2010/dec/17/julian-assange-sweden

  • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

    Someone help with this….why is the Ecuadoran Embassy protecting him? By now they should know he is trouble and isn’t worth the effort.

    • Scrofula

      Pretty sure the Russians straight done stole his password.
      Julie’s just pacing around demanding churros.

      • puredog

        mm churros mm

    • I Am Helpy

      Short version: Russia paid them to.

      • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

        Yeah. A quick check of the Wikipedia page explains why they would support someone like Putin. God help us all if Trump turns out to be like Correa.

        Human rights
        UN’s Human Rights Council’s (HRC) Universal Periodic Review (UPR) has treated the restrictions on freedom of expression and efforts to control NGOs and recommended that Ecuador should stop the criminal sanctions for the expression of opinions, and delay in implementing judicial reforms. Ecuador rejected the recommendation on decriminalization of libel.[27]

        According to Human Rights Watch (HRW) President Correa has intimidated journalists and subjected them to “public denunciation and retaliatory litigation”. The sentences to journalists have been years of imprisonment and millions of dollars of compensation, even though defendants have been pardoned.[27] Correa has stated he was only seeking a retraction for slanderous statements.[28]

        According to HRW, Correa’s government has weakened the freedom of press and independence of the judicial system. In Ecuador’s current judicial system, judges are selected in a contest of merits, rather than government appointments. However, the process of selection has been criticized as biased and subjective. In particular, the final interview is said to be given “excessive weighing.” Judges and prosecutors that have made decisions in favor of Correa in his lawsuits have received permanent posts, while others with better assessment grades have been rejected.[27][29]

        Adult Galápagos sea lion resting on a park bench in Puerto Baquerizo Moreno.
        The laws also forbid articles and media messages that could favor or disfavor some political message or candidate. In the first half of 2012, twenty private TV or radio stations were closed down.[27]

        In July 2012 the officials warned the judges that they would be sanctioned and possibly dismissed if they allowed the citizens to appeal to the protection of their constitutional rights against the state.[27]

        People engaging in public protests against environmental and other issues are prosecuted for “terrorism and sabotage”, which may lead to an eight-year prison sentence.[27]

        Human Rights Watch has been criticized for bias on its reports on Ecuador.[30][not in citation given]

        • I Am Helpy

          Yep. It sounds like I was being flip, but Russia really did pay them to.

          • Meccalopolis

            Shame Shame. I love cumbia

        • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

          Where’s the Galapagos Sea Lion! I was promised a sea lion.

    • eka

      opposing the US, playing more of a role in international games than they could otherwise hope to play? they might not know what they want from this, but it’s better to have him in their pocket than not. so far the US hasn’t seemed all that interested in assange, but a) you never know what’s going on behind closed doors and b) if obama isn’t interested, trump by default should be except that c) russia gets involved and nobody knows anything anymore. Point is, ecuador gets to be a player in all this. Anything to get in the room, even if you’re still condemned to the kids’ table.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Assmunch is a liar? I’m shocked, shocked.

  • whitroth

    Well, gee, I mean, Barry O didn’t say to Assange pretty please with sugar on it, and he didn’t even say, Simon says that Chelsea gets out.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    The fact that Ecuador (which is increasingly becoming a Russian satellite country) hasn’t yet tossed Assange out on his ass is, to my mind, further circumstantial evidence that he’s in thrall to Pootie.

  • The Wanderer

    We need to pay Ecuador many lacs of rupees to creep up on Assange, wrap him up in brown paper, and deliver him to the gate of the Swedish Embassy.
    Postage due.

  • Lark_in_the_AM

    Why Ecuador doesn’t boot his sorry arse out, I simply don’t understand. He doesn’t deserve sanctuary and I’m betting they are very sorry they offered it to him.

  • Thaumaturgist

    Julian made and offer. Obama accepted the offer before it was withdrawn and fully performed. That makes it a contract. Now Julian is welching like a common Trump. Which makes Julian a common trump.

  • DahBoner

    The Incredible Shrinking Man?

    Because Julian Assange just keeps getting smaller and smaller.
    https://media4.giphy.com/media/mXcHgPcz5Z7Xi/200w_d.gif#2

  • azeyote

    when all is said and done – there’s a lot more said than done –

  • puredog

    God. I hope that sometime in the next four years we have a chance to just — step back for a moment and — breathe. But I doubt that we will.

  • Electric Ukulele Land

    The joke is on Assange. We never actually wanted him to come out of the Ecuadorian embassy — ever.

    • WomanInTheResistance

      The Ecuadorans, otoh, ….

      • Unpresidented Ron

        By now they’re probably trying to figure out a way to sneak him outside and onto the sidewalk while he’s sleeping.

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          “I’m telling you, Miguel… if we wait until he’s in the shower to do the sawing and drilling, and do just a little every day, we can totally fix the wall behind his bed so that it tips out like a laundry chute and slides him out onto the street. It will take a few months, but what’s the alternative?!”

  • Rachel Book Harlot
  • xy

    Pedantry will probably be the reason for the coming apocalypse.

    • WomanInTheResistance

      There might be other contributing factors.

      • xy

        “it’s not like I was the one that irradiated the entire Asian continent. That’s the fault of the guy I ordered to launch the missiles.” This is how I feel the press conference would go if Don is still in charge at that point.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Well, Zero Tolerance Policy is always the rule to follow. Without fail. No exceptions. No details excluded. At all. Ever.

  • Panika MCD

    I’m going to go with “didn’t understand what clemency is” because the original tweet only said “clemency”–which Manning deserved and got. it didn’t say anything about an immediate release or a pardon.

  • Friedrich

    I was giving him the benefit of the doubt on the rape claims up to now, at least until there was a trial. Now, I’m going to opine he’s in all likelihood a scumbag, lying rapist.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    At some point, Ecuador has to ask itself what they get out of this whole clusterfuck.

    • Tiny kaiju

      An albino snake they can feed their rats to?

  • Jgb979

    https://memecrunch.com/meme/381I/pussycat/image.png?w=400&c=1

    He better stay out of the US Donald may be grabby.

  • Scott1960

    Maybe they could have Patreus serve out the rest of Manning’s term, you know, just to make sure people who leak classified information are punished? That should keep all the right-wingers whining about justice happy, right?

  • going4baroque

    hey, at least he’s TRIED to level with the American people. As we all learned in 2016, trying to tell the truth is just as fine as actually telling the truth! (No chide left behind)

  • dshwa

    I liked WikiLeaks better when they were called Pravda.

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