Is that a real quote? No, we made it up, because we wanted to.
You probably read this headline and thought, "But how can Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore be suspended for sending dick pics on Facebook, isn't he already suspended for being a bad judge who ordered probate judges to disobey the Supreme Court and refuse to do marriage licenses for gaysexuals?" Yes, that is correct, and there is a hearing Monday to decide whether the judicial ethics case against him will go forward.
But today's sexxxy sexxxting story is about a different Alabama judge, specifically one of the very same probate judges Moore told not to do EW GAY stuff -- and he complied, as the AP reports that his office doesn't do any weddings, because gays are yucko! He did some EW STRAIGHT stuff instead, by sending pictures of his wang to a lady all the time so much, allegedly:
Tallapoosa County Probate Judge Leon Archer has been suspended after the Judicial Inquiry Commission filed a judicial ethics complaint against him Wednesday related to admittedly exchanging sexually explicit Facebook messages with a woman who was a former litigant in his court.
Archer admitted to the commission that among the sexually explicit photos he had exchanged with the woman on Facebook messaging were photos of his genitals, taken while at the county courthouse.
AW NUTS. Leon Archer's nuts, specifically! So what had happened is that in 2013, a lady who was 34 at the time came in his office to marry an oldster of the age of 68. The judge apparently said something about how she was marrying an Old, but it didn't matter, because she got it annulled like a week later.
MAYBE he was thinking, "Well it didn't work out with that particular Old, but maybe she might like a taste of MY elderly bathing suit region," so he opened up a chat window in Facebook and started sending her a bunch of photo-shoots he did, of his penis.
According to the Alex City Outlook, where Archer admitted all this back in January, it got even weirder than that, like when the good judge asked the lady what she was doing that day, because "I got some money I need to spend." She did not like being treated like a prostitute, no siree! He reportedly also begged her to send Down There pictures of her vagina region, and she sent a picture of somebody else's she-bop instead of her own.
Archer said back in January that he had learned his lesson, or his version of the "lesson," which is don't accept friend requests from ladies you won't be able to stop sending your penis to:
"Don't just accept someone's request to be your friend," Archer said. "When conversing with someone, one needs to be careful in your wording that goes back and forth. Pictures sent there are forever. Again, this is something that I will have to live with the rest of my life."
Yes, you do have to be careful with the "wording" of your porno penis pictures, on the Facebook.
Any-shizzle, Archer is suspended from doing judging, without pay, for six months, at which time he and his apparently photogenic ding dong will get to go back and be an anti-gay bigot probate judge who won't do weddings for homos again, because "morals."
[ AL.com / Alex City Outlook / AP ]
I have a penis. It's a fine, snipped, American penis, and it works -- mostly -- as I command it to. However, it is not particularly photogenic, especially when you add "Harry" and "Bouncey" to the mix. And as un-photogenic as my particular set of twig and berries is, I believe The Package will age even less well. The moral of this story is:
"DON'T. DATE. ROBOTS!"
"KEEP YOUR OLD MAN PECKER IN YOUR PANTS AND FAR AWAY FROM ANY CAMERAS!"
Are you sure??
What if you accessorize it really well? Skilled work with a Be-Dazzler? A top hat and monocle? American flag paint with a sparkler stuck in the hole?
I don't think you ladies have really thought this through.