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Michelle’s reaction to boobs.

Rarely is the question asked, “Wonder what Michelle Malkin is angry about today?” Because it’s always SOMETHING. The last time your Wonket saw fit to acknowledge her existence was over a year ago, when she was punching her fists into her keyboard, on Twitter, about how conservatives were being silenced by Twitter. That was fun.

But now, Malkin has a new target for her ire, and it is boobies. Side-boobies, under-boobies, front-boobies, and all the other boobies. She took to esteemed journalism website TownHall to share her thoughts:

boobery

ENOUGH! PENDULOUS! BOOBERY!

From runways to red carpets to Instagram and Snapchat, celebrity overexposure is inescapable. We’re drowning in underboob. Bombarded with sideboob. Nip slips. Crotch slips. Bare-bottom flashes. All of the above, all at once.

The problem, my fellow Americans, is not that we live in an age of wardrobe malfunctions. It’s that we live in an age of dignity malfunctions.

The short version is that Michelle Malkin keeps seeing ta-tas on her TV, and it makes her mad. The long version is here are some examples of those ta-tas:

Billboard Music Awards hostess Ciara scored headlines for challenging gravity in a sliver of silver silk that some called a “dress.” (These get-ups should really be called un-dresses.) Fans cooed over the singer’s “major sideboob” as she let her lady parts hang low, swinging to and fro.

Supermodel sisters Gigi and Bella Hadid each make a living un-wearing flimsy attire — maintaining perfect duck lips and icy stares while the public gawks at their gratuitously revealed flesh and perfect bone structure. Apparently, you haven’t made it in the fashion world until you’ve displayed more on the catwalk than on a gynecological exam table.

Nineteen-year-old pop star Lorde slouched up the steps at the Met Gala earlier this month in a ton of pink tulle from the waist down — but with practically nothing on top to contain her braless upper self.

You might be thinking, “Those are probably most of the boobies Michelle Malkin has gotten angry about lately,” but you’d be wrong. She also saw Madonna’s boobies, and the boobies of an actress named Chloe Grace Moretz, and you know who else is a whore? That highly esteemed human rights lawyer Amal Alamuddin Clooney, who is married to George Clooney. Did you know she is a common haver of tits, which Michelle Malkin saw recently?

[T]here’s the glamorous 30-something Amal Clooney, who prides herself on her Oxford degree and law pedigree. She took to the Cannes Film Festival last week in a billowy, meringue Atelier Versace number that kept flying open like a cheap bathrobe. Poor Lemony Half-Nekkit spent the whole time nervously tugging on uncooperative strips of chiffon as her skinny thighs and netherparts quivered in the wind.

Cool story, bro.

Michelle’s point, and she does have one, is that all you dirty hoor ladies think you are feminists, with your funbags flying in the wind, but you are not, because you obviously have no self respect. She actually typed this sentence:

Extreme boobery is not a triumph of feminism.

Know what IS a triumph of feminism? No, not that strumpet Michelle Obama, who wore a ball gown to a state dinner. THIS is a triumph of feminism:

Michelle rests her case.

[TownHall]

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  • FauxAntocles

    I, for one, welcome our half-naked overladies!

    • FauxAntocles

      And shame on Evan for not providing the evidence!

      • unhipcat

        yeah.. pics or gtfo

        • H0mer0

          yeah, why did she not put linx in so we could evaluate the quality of Amal’s, uh, why George would be a lucky man.
          Newsflash! Michelle, there are people who do want to see the curves of a woman, silicone-filled or not.

          PS: [still mad at her for helping the swift-boaters malign Kerry to cover for Dubya’s desertion]

    • baconzgood

      I offer whips and shackles to our wonkette Dominatrix /overlady (I spelled it wrong I need another spanking).

      “THANK YOU Ma’am I need another whipping because I didn’t donate $5 a month for the newz letter.”

      • Iron Monkey

        Well, I do donate $5 a month for the newz letter and I didn’t even get the first whipping.

  • Spotts1701

    Anti-boob? What’s next Michelle, you gonna throw an apple pie on the ground and key a Chevy?

    • kindness

      When photoshopping this please have Michelle holding a very large anchor.

    • Creepoman

      Only after she’s kicked mom squarely in the nuts.

  • Creepoman

    Evan, pix please (other than MM’s face hole). We need to judge for R-selves.

  • Shibusa
    • The Wanderer

      Malkin would sell what was left of her soul to look half that good.

      • Blank Ron

        The best she’d get for what’s left of her soul is a T-shirt from the rag bin at Goodwill.

      • Aquaria

        You think she actually had one? Ever?

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      George! George!
      Oh, wait . . . there’s someone else in this picture? Weird.

  • therblig

    i was unaware that malkin still existed. now i’m aware. and sad.

  • BearGHAZI

    Michelle Malkin demands more ballsack

  • Scooby
    • Antonin Dvorak

      Surrounded by lush grass and green trees, while the audience settles itself on the ground and on benches at the iconic Summit Rock, a naked Miranda (Marisa Roper) is wandering around her supposed tropical island, picking up sticks and dropping them again.
      She is approached by a lost tourist with a map. She admirably ignores him and carries on acting her part.

      While i empathize with tourist (being lost in a strange city is no fun), why did he think the naked woman would be the go to authority on Manhattan geography?

      Also, LOL at the old guy with the binoculars.

      • Scooby

        Naked women are my go to authorities on everything!

    • PubOption

      She got a mention in ‘Macbeth’.

      • BigBoppa

        Macbeth isn’t the one about a shrew.

      • Scooby

        Lady MacBeth? Brilliant

        • PubOption

          I was thinking of the cat mentioned by one of the witches, although Michelle might be the wrong color.

          • Scooby

            No man born of woman can harm Trump.

  • SmokinGood
    • GoutMachine

      Paging John Ashcroft…

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      This is why ancient Greek sportsball is shown in this country with a 4,000 year time delay.

  • Mpeg

    “Take your ball and go ho!”

  • jmhm

    I always thought of her as a rage kewpie myself.

  • Skwerl King

    “Extreme boobery is not a triumph of feminism.”
    No, it is an upcoming show on the Murdoch National Geographic channel.

    • Aquaria

      Ironic, considering how Murdoch had the topless page 3 girl in The Sun for how long again?

  • lucidamente

    I guess she just blew her chance to become President Trump’s press secretary.

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    Why oh why do these Jezebels insist on flaunting their firm, full, coral-tipped milky white pillowy …oops.

    • Belasaurius

      AKA, sin bags

      • Lizzietish81

        Dirty pillows!

        • Sheela Na Gig! Sheela Na Gig! You exhibitionist!

        • bupkus23

          Can’t see that phrase without thinking of Stephen King ( weird, huh? ). His characters used that phrase in both “Carrie” ( Carrie’s fundamentalist nutjob mom ) and “Misery” ( Annie Wilkes ).

      • tehbaddr

        Titty skin!

      • The Wanderer

        Sweater puppies?

      • BigBoppa

        Tater Tots.

      • kindness

        Love muffins, (This has the added benefit of also fitting other body parts)

  • limberrat
  • Poly_Ester

    Could Michelle be running out of targets for her rage?

  • limberrat

    Oh good, I wondered where the woman of perpetual anger had gone.

  • Belasaurius

    you know somewhere in America some RWNJ has hand jibbered himself to that video of her. I just made myself sick

  • Ikimizi

    Guess who didn’t get invited to any of the awards.

  • tehbaddr

    But I thought everybody likes the funbags, even teh geyhs!

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    You know I don’t want to imply shes an lesbian but she seems overly preoccupated with female breasts. I’m just asking…

    • MaiaAZ

      Nope. Not taking her. You breeders are stuck with this one.

    • bupkus23

      She knows that’s what her READERS are obsessed with…

  • SeeTrain65

    “The problem, my fellow Americans, is not that we live in an age of wardrobe malfunctions. It’s that we live in an age of dignity malfunctions.”

    Jealous much?

  • Skwerl King

    Argle-bargle-boobery-applesause!

    • tehbaddr

      Side Jiggery and under Pokery!

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        And then pokery that jiggery.

        • tehbaddr

          Now you’ve done it! We were being all classy and shit, then you come around practically screaming titty fucking!

  • GeminiCricket

    Wah! Wah! Sorry Michelle, nobody wants to see yours…get over it already!

    • berkeleyfarm

      Not so much any more. Mirror, mirror on the wall

  • OddMan

    I happen to be a man who really likes the female form and take notice of ladies beautiful parts as often as I can. But I don’t have a list of all the side tit and top tit and bottom tit of every celebrity for the last year memorized.

    And all these words Ms. Malkin uses, “pendulous” “gratuitously revealed flesh and perfect bone structure” “netherparts quivered in the wind” “Extreme boobery”
    Hell this reads like poorly written dimestore porn fiction.
    Ms. Malkin, me thinks thou doth protest too much.

    • Grizz1y

      All of these celebrities are making her wet, but she is soooo straight, So it must be their fault that their loveliness is casting a spell on her lady parts.

    • The Wanderer

      “Netherparts quivered in the wind.” By the Goddess’ Pert Round Ones, I’ve never written anything that stupid.

      • GoutMachine

        Long-lost Kansas b-side.

        • The Wanderer

          You have made me laugh-snort. Thank you.

        • MrBlobfish

          I’m sure Michelle’s netherparts are quite dusty from underuse.

          • kindness

            Really though, who can blame those that refuse to use THAT?

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    I agree with her on the duckface.

    Other than that, fuck you Michelle. I like boobs, and evidently this view is widely held.

    • MrBlobfish

      Held. *snicker*

  • Will in Pgh

    Starving children. Abused animals. Donald fucking Trump. And you’re worried about Amal Clooney’s tits? Go away.

    • tehbaddr

      Not her tits, her quivering netherparts!

  • memzilla

    Something something sell-by date. See also “Lost Youth.”
    .

  • Jay Vaughn

    If you write about Chloe Grace Moretz boobs you should be on some list somewhere

  • anna rampage

    The problem, my fellow Americans, is not that we live in an age of wardrobe malfunctions. It’s that we live in an age where the likes of Michele Malkin are taken seriously, and are given airtime to spread their lunacy across this great country of ours….

  • glennisw

    That cheerleading video never gets old.

    • AnOuthouse

      The internet is forever.

  • memzilla

    All I can say is, if you run a post on Amal Clooney, Justin Trudeau, Cory Booker, and Carla Bruni all at once, we’ll all be in our bunks and there won’t be any comments to not allow!

  • Jonny On Maui

    I think it’d be a good idea if MM never made it to a beach here. Her poor little head would explode…

    • yyyaz

      Not to mention the Carib, the Northern Med, Oz …

      • Blank Ron

        Or Ontario, where boobies are allowed to run free in public.

  • DerrickWildcat

    I am Pro-Boob.

  • Me The People

    Wingnuts are fast running out of points of disagreement with Islamic fundamentalists.

  • Thaumaturgist

    Let’s gets serious. Anyone have any idea how Mean Girls would handle all those boobs?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I dunno. But volunteer to handle them myself.

    • bozilingus

      I would hug them and squeeze them and call them “George”.

  • goonemeritus

    Look I have the occasional wardrobe malfunction and show more side boob than I intend to. But like most guys my age I just push them back into my tank top and move on with life.

    • Crystalclear12

      Gee, thanks. I am completely out brain bleach.

    • coozledad

      The day is approaching when I’ll be able to titfuck myself.

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        You’ll never have to leave the house!

      • kindness

        TMI?

      • tehbaddr

        You guys need the Manssiere.

  • tehbaddr

    “her skinny thighs and netherparts quivered in the wind” MM should just write soft porn for a living.

    • In this case, I say “do quit your day job”, mostly because her day job is terrible and she should just stop.

  • Anarchy Pony

    Say, you know who else is tired of boobies?
    Nobody. Nobody is tired of boobies.

    • Lizzietish81

      I know some gay men who are

      • Anarchy Pony

        Touche.

      • marxalot

        I know some who aren’t. (Seriously, my contingent of “queer for cock! ooh, boobies!” friends are just wonderful.)

        • coozledad

          A testament to the raw power of titties.

      • Spotts1701

    • SnarkTank

      Charles Darwin Libelzzz!!eleven! No…wait…never mind.

  • Treg.Brown

    “It’s that we live in an age of dignity malfunctions.”

    Mostly brain malfunctions from too much Faux News

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Say what you will about a man’s fashion sense, that’s a good price for DVDs.

  • Lizzietish81

    You’d think she’d be used to working with boobs.

  • anna rampage

    Once you’ve seen one boob, you’ve pretty much seen them all…

    • Jonny On Maui

      Once you’ve seen one boob, you pretty much want to see the rest of them – poorly quoting Ron White…

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      In need of a Wonderbro, Bro.

  • From runways to red carpets to Instagram and Snapchat, celebrity overexposure is inescapable. We’re drowning in underboob. Bombarded with sideboob. Nip slips. Crotch slips. Bare-bottom flashes. All of the above, all at once.

    Somehow I manage to avoid this by not going to Instagram, Snapchat, or celebrity ‘news’ sites. I am also blissfully unaware of what or who the Kardashians are doing these days.

    I am wonderfully happy.

    Poor Lemony Half-Nekkit

    You just know she looked around for someone to high five after typing that, but finding no one brave enough to enter the range of her maw tentacles, performed a celebratory slap of two of her own writhing appendages.

  • SnarkOff

    Ironically, with all of those SEO-garnering mentions of sideboob and quivering thighs, the traffic to this post is going to be higher than anything Malkin has ever written.

  • Anarchy Pony

    “Poor Lemony Half-Nekkit”
    Is that racist? It seems racist to me.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Flat-chested chick says what?

    • SnarkOff

      I kind of don’t like this. #unintentionalmisogyny

      • Lascauxcaveman

        I get that. I’m say ‘she’s jealous” is all. Using her public forum for mere cattiness (which is a step up for her, now that I think of it).

        • SnarkOff

          I like *you* so you get a pass from me.

  • marxalot

    It’s true: Malkin hates looking at boobs. I hear she spent most of last week smashing reflective surfaces with a hammer.

    • Anarchy Pony

      She has a reflection?

      • marxalot

        Think about who she works with…

  • RoyalUglyDude

    Michelle Malkin keeps seeing ta-tas on her TV

    Unpossible! All the TVs were fitted with a V-chip to block those unseemly images back in 1996.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The V-chip blocks images of vaginas. The B-chip (to block the boobs) was never implemented, because it also would have blocked Billdo, Sean Hannity, and The Donald.

  • GoutMachine

    Evan, I’m impressed (and slightly saddened) that you made it through this post without using the term “jiggery-pokery.”

    • eggsacklywright

      I prefer jiggly-pokery.

  • Master Contrail Program

    The Tampa Tribune used to publish Malkin’s tripe in the editorial section quite regularly. The Tampa Tribune is no longer in business. Draw your own conclusions.

    • bupkus23

      Ah, she doesn’t have to worry – The Villages’ “Daily Sun” will continue to publish her, once a week, right next to the “Letters to the Editors” from rightwing boobs who still think birtherism is a thing.

      Her only competition on the op-ed pages are Thomas Sowell and Phyliss Schlafly – and, of course, the nutjobs in the letters. Of course, without the “anger” thing, Malkin loses to the nutjobs…

      • Master Contrail Program

        What? Where’s the Will? The Krauthammer? Did they have a Fourth Estate sale?

        • bupkus23

          Too librul for the “Daily Sun”. Expecting an endorsement of “Florida’s Trump”, Carlos Beruff for US Senate any day now…

          • Master Contrail Program

            Ahh, yes. Those damn free-love hippies. Though nobody can rock tie-dye like George Will.

      • Master Contrail Program

        Well the Villages are always going to have their idiots.

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        Rightwing boobs? Isn’t that what this whole immoral outrage is about! COVER THE BOOB for Chriss sake!

        • PubOption

          Like Ashcroft did on the statue?

  • Tess

    Wow, rich celebrities whose entire existence is based on their
    ability to draw eyes (and censorious comments so anyone who might have
    missed them will look them up) get more extreme.

    I was watching a tv series based on a series of books I sort of liked. In one episode there were ghosts of two children doomed to a nightly repeat their grisly murder. No content warning. The next week, though, there was an episode in which the words boob and penis were used as people grind around rather suggestively and there were “mature audiences ONLY, suggestive material” tags at the beginning and after every commercial break.

    WTF is wrong with us?

    • Spotts1701

      I think there’s still too much Puritan in the cultural zeitgeist.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        When the Puritans burned witches, how did they prevent nip slips?

        • Anarchy Pony

          More firewood.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          They didn’t – they had no problem with stripping people (especially women) completely naked while they applied any public punishment they decided was necessary. That always kinda amazed me, but after all, they were human, though smelly.

        • NanBullenshede

          T’was hanging Salem preferred.

      • The Wanderer

        Completely schizophrenic culture.

    • Jonny On Maui

      We’re taught from a very early time that our bodies are’bad’. Remember the first lesson of the bibble: Naked, Bad, Shame

      • Banrion

        This is how deep the rabbit hole of people not “getting” the bible goes. The shame over nakedness didn’t come until AFTER the sin. Shame is a product of sin, nakedness is not the sin itself.

        • Tess

          Since the “sin” happens early in the first chapter, that tends to be what the rest of the book is about.

        • Jonny On Maui

          So let’s see if I’ve got the progression right. Humans get knowledge forbidden by god and the first thing after they get the knowledge is they realize they’re naked and make ‘aprons’ to cover themselves.

          And gaining knowledge was the sin. Right…

          Okay. I’ll change it. The first lesson of the bible is Knowledge is Sin. The second lesson of the bible is Naked, Bad, Apron.

          Doesn’t make it any less crazy…

          • yyyaz

            Nothing, absolutely nothing, can make it less crazy. But the ‘splainers just keep trying, and trying, and trying …

          • Banrion

            I don’t follow your logic at all. The first lesson of the bible is that you must have blind obedience or you will be punished. The sin was not obeying, the knowledge was a product of that sin, and shame is the punishment.

            The nakedness is a moot thing that has nothing to do with anything, it’s just how people are.

          • Jonny On Maui

            I think the problem we’re having is trying to use logic where none exists.

            You are free to interpret stories written over 4000 years ago any way you like, just as I am. Just as every other religious nutjob does.

  • Lady Willpower

    “Extreme boobery is not a triumph of feminism”

    Actually, it is. More specifically, when WE get to decide what skin and how much of it to show, that’s a triumph of our self-determinalism. Feminism is not prudery. Feminism means WE get to decide. Not men, not tabloids, not Michelle Effing Malkin.

    US.

    • SnarkOff

      Um…actually another feminist interpretation is that this so called “empowering” flaunting of one’s body is actually just women capitulating to the patriarchy.

      • tehbaddr

        And others say it’s using sex as a weapon, so go figure!

      • yyyaz

        To which I reply: Don’t like patriarchs? Don’t marry one.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Yes, well Camille Paglia says a lot of things, too, and she’s a monumental waste of skin.

        • SnarkOff

          So you believe that when aspiring starlets pose naked, they’re doing it because it gives them power, and not, say, because it’s the fastest and most obvious route a woman can take to getting noticed? That’s naive.

          • Lady Willpower

            I give them more credit than you do, I guess.

          • SnarkOff

            See above, please.

          • Lady Willpower

            I saw the above. You stepped on your dick there, too.

          • SnarkOff

            I’m a woman, but way to jump to conclusions.

          • Lady Willpower

            It’s a gender-neutral expression.

          • Frank Underboob

            No doubt they’re super-empowered by people judging them.

          • SnarkOff

            Oh FFS. I’m not judging anyone. I’m saying that posing nude is not empowering if it’s the only way an entire class of people can reliably achieve fame or make money. You don’t see Bill Gates, the Koch Brothers, or Hillary Clinton for that matter posing nude. Enjoy the naked photos. Just don’t kid yourself that you’re some sort of enlightened viewer, that these women are “empowered,” or that this is anything but a fucked-up patriarchal dynamic.

          • Frank Underboob

            I’m saying that posing nude is not empowering if it’s the only way an entire class of people can reliably achieve power.

            Wait, what? Are you seriously arguing that posing nude is the only way that women can reliably achieve power? Or is that not the class of people you’re referring to?

          • SnarkOff

            I said “aspiring starlets” in my original post. Women who are young, attractive and not particularly well educated.

          • Frank Underboob

            Wow. Cliché much? Got any other female demographics you’d like to talk down to, while you’re at it?
            Without in any way trying to deny or condone the predatory nature of many men in the industry, I’d like to point out that these women have a right to make the career choices that they are making, & it’s not for you to scold them for not making the choices you’d prefer them to make. Because, y’know, feminism is all about women having the right to make their own choices, whether anyone else approves of them or not. Duh.

          • SnarkOff

            I AM NOT SCOLDING ANYONE. Except you, now, for being a self-righteous PITA who wants to mansplain feminism to me.

          • Juan de Fuca

            Brocialist Libelz!

          • Frank Underboob

            If you’re arguing that men have no right to argue about how to define feminism, solely because they’re male, you’re pretty much ceding Michelle Malkin & her ilk the right to define feminism, purely because they’re female. Sure, I’m setting myself up to be called a mansplainer, but I’m not saying anything that a huge number of very credible feminists – as opposed to wingnut faux-feminists – say as well.

          • SnarkOff

            Substitute “black” for “women” and, assuming you are a white guy, see if you’re still comfortable with your argument here.

          • Frank Underboob

            I’m not saying I’m comfortable about it, because I realise how it looks that it’s a white cis-het man saying it, but I stand by it anyway. You obviously have the right to totally discount what I’m saying on that basis, but it’s still true that my stance is one shared by a lot of very credible feminists.

          • Gleem-McShinez

            And, exactly one of those words you just said can be applied to Amal Clooney.

            Her scenario doesn’t fit this narrative. So, what’s she doing?

          • SnarkOff

            I wasn’t talking about Amal Clooney. But since you brought her up, she gets a fuckton more fame for wearing a low-cut dress (not to mention marrying well) than she ever did for her human rights work.

          • Gleem-McShinez

            Yeah, I suppose “fame” is the reason she did human rights work in the first place…

            So, is fame pretty much the measurable value of a woman?

          • SnarkOff

            I give up, Gleem. I don’t think an Internet comments section, even on Wonkette, is a good place to have this discussion. Of course I’m not saying fame is the only measurable value of a woman. I’d try to explain myself again, but I don’t think we’re getting anywhere.

          • Gleem-McShinez

            Apologies for the hounding. I just think you’re being very careful to continue coloring within the lines of The Patriarchy™ coloring book that you’ve been given, whether or not you realize it.

            For example, you want to protect the young idiot starlets from exploitative creepo-men who are selling fame/power/money for sexxy-stuff. Sure, that sounds like a good thing. But how? “Protecting them” by dictating to them what’s acceptable to wear (or not wear at all.) That’s actually not even dealing with the creepo-men — who are the real problem in this situation.

            It’s also giving a pass to an entirely other brand of creepo-men that feel they can dictate women’s behavior in this arena… and every other.

            I’d go on, but it sounds like you’re done shouting at morons on the intarwebs.

          • SnarkOff

            I literally don’t want to do or even believe any of the things you accuse me of. I have no idea where you got that from my comments. I did not mention “protecting” anyone — nor would I, because that implies that women need protecting, which I also think is an antifeminist notion. I don’t want dictate to anyone what to wear or what not to wear. I think women should pose nude whenever or wherever they want. All I said was that doing so isn’t necessarily empowering, and that in fact for many women it is in fact capitulating to the patriarchy. Now I’m REALLY done.

          • Frank Underboob

            “the only way an entire class of people can reliably achieve fame or make money”
            But it isn’t. It can be a way for some people to achieve that relatively quickly & easily, but it’s certainly not the only way.
            But again, who the hell are you to judge what other people do with their lives & their bodies? You have the right to control over your own body, but you certainly don’t have any right to control over anyone else’s, except maybe your kids, to some degree.

          • hvdv

            Making money can be empowering. As a college student, I made a year’s tuition in a month by showing people my tits FOR CASH. I subsequently earned my PhD while working in a department of women’s studies. As long as just displaying one’s body parts is more lucrative than displaying one’s mind, it’s a tool that you can choose to use or not. Gateseses and Kochseses cannot get paid to show their bodies. Others can. Means to an end.

          • SnarkOff

            Good for you. Just don’t kid yourself that you’re not allowing yourself to be used by the patriarchy.

          • hvdv

            I did then, I do now. What’s your point? We live in a patriarchal society? DUH. Covered or uncovered boobs make exactly zero difference to the social structure, but they may well make a difference in your ability to economically sustain yourself.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            So I’m assuming that you have psychic powers and can determine precisely just what the aspiring starlet is thinking when she poses nude? It might be both empowering AND a way to get noticed, at the same time!

          • SnarkOff

            I’m sure that’s how they see it.

      • Lady Willpower

        Um… Strong women don’t capitulate to shit.

      • Frank Underboob

        And TERFs are allegedly feminists too, but they’re kind of fucked up.

      • Gleem-McShinez

        The Patriarchy demands nakedness of its women? I seem to think that’s frowned upon by every stick-up-the-ass-ist out there, everywhere.

        And I’d say just using the term “flaunting” is kind of riding that antiquated line of “she asked for it.” Which has been the patriarchy’s cover story for men not controlling their urges upon laying their innocent eyes on that smutty uncovered lady-flesh!

        I think you might mean it feeds objectification, which is definitely one of the lesser-quality traits of men. And as that, I can’t say you’re entirely wrong.

        EDIT: But reading more of your opinions, I can’t say you’re right, either.

    • edith prickly

      Lady wingnuts have a habit of blaming anything that lady non-winguts do on “feminism”, whether anyone actually claimed it was or not. Also too, lady-hating (and boobs) keeps the page hits high in conservatroll land.

      I am of the school of thought that says what you do with your boobs is your business.

      • Tallmutha

        I, too, am a Boobertarian.

        • chimichanga

          Growing up at the beach it’s de rigeur to practice Boobismb Boy – what is it with the sex-obsessed GOPee.

  • kindness

    OMG. I had forgotten how lucky we’ve been that I hadn’t even thought about this grifter in a long time. Back to zero days without a Malkin reference.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Revile her all you want. But compared to some of the horrors Wonkette exposes us to, she’s merely ridiculous, not actually dangerous. It’s an amusing kind of disgust I’m feeling here.

  • JustPixelz

    Scene: The War Room
    President Trump is reading Victoria’s Secret catalog.
    National Security Advisor: Sir. The nation is under attack.
    The end.

    • baconzgood

      He’s ogling the girls in the sears catalog.

      • bozilingus

        or his daughter in the family albums.

        • baconzgood

          Please don’t say that. Knowing he would do that makes me feel dirty.. being reminded of it makes me shudder

        • Frank Underboob

          Ew. Now that you mention it, I bet he has jerked off to pictures of his daughter.

          • IdRatherBeDancing

            with those tiny lubed-up hands!

          • I’m willing to bet that he hasn’t achieved an erection since well before she was born..

          • IdRatherBeDancing

            Viagra libelz!!

          • Frank Underboob

            Presumably, he had at least one about 9 months before she was born.

          • I stand by my vague statement that may or may not suggest that he is not physically capable of fathering children.

      • arglebargle

        for those who are wondering wtf…
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpdgSKVsFu8

      • Now, would you unhook this already, please? He doesn’t deserve this sort of shabby treatment!

  • baconzgood

    Baconz plays a sexist pig (see what I did there) on Wonkette. But, if you know baconz (which most of you do after my years of commenting) he’s all for women showing off thier God given titage if that’s thier desire. Sure I’ll nonchalantly glance, but not openly stare. I think the female form is one of the greatest things to look at. I despise the fact that you can turn on the TV at any given time and find at least 3 murders yet seeing Janet Jackson pose top less on the cover of the Rolling Stone is a big deal. Let the boobies and bums alone. We all have nipped and asses.

    And for the record: Baconz thinks women look sexist slobing about the house on Sunday with no make up in sweat pants and one of my old Blues Explosion tee shirts that has a bunch of moth holes in it.

  • TheBidenator

    Gee, an uptight wingnut chick is going all culture warrior on other ladies expression of themselves and their sexuality….I am floored by this unprecedented prudery!

  • AnOuthouse

    Somebody is jealous.

  • anna rampage

    Isn’t this the same person who’s a regular commentator on Faux Noose, a network where most of the female j̶o̶u̶r̶n̶o̶l̶i̶s̶t̶s̶ entertainers look like their on their way to work a shift at a high class strip club?

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      high class? I think you are giving great benefit to the doubt there!

      • The Wanderer

        I’ve seen better (using the Biblical method – “Seek and ye shall find”) than the Fox Ladies at Mons Venus strip club on Dale Mabry in Tampa.
        Not that I know anything about that . . .

        • Master Contrail Program

          I’ve seen better at the Seven Seas on Kennedy, before its scuttling. They were usually going into the liquor store next door, but I digress.

  • Panika MCD

    I’m more upset about the proliferation of moobies.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Hey, sometimes it’s hard to find time to get to the gym.

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      I hear 420 causes moobies.

  • GoutMachine

    I will thank Michelle for giving me an excuse to think about bewbs.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      The ad for “17 Photos You Didn’t Realize Showed it All” isn’t doing that for you?

      :-)

      • Master Contrail Program

        Out of all the inane aroud the web links, those make me laugh the most. Why would anybody want to watch “USA Up All Night”, when an infinite amount of hardcore everything is the same number of clicks away?

  • TheBidenator

    Hey Malkin, Phyllis Schafly did the angry female misogynist prude bit better than you do….time to find a different occupation.

  • DemmeFatale

    At least she isn’t talking about throat cramming and gay sexy-times, (for a change).

  • chazmanr

    What is the anchor baby babbling about?

  • bozilingus

    Michelle, the problem is not too many boobies on the TV. It is too many conservative boobs mouthing off about everything that offends them. And that would be pretty much anything.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Michelle, just because you are a short fingered vulgarian in the boobage department doesn’t mean anyone cares about your prudery.

  • Master Contrail Program

    Looks like somebody wants to get back to conducting the Right Wing Outrage Philharmonic. No worries, it plays every day, in the same places, to the same rapt audience.

    Hey, they may not know art, but they know what they hate.

    • I dunno, “boobs suck, amirite?” is an argument that I think large swaths of the left AND right will ignore.

      • Master Contrail Program

        Wunderbra! Something to finally push this country’s cleavage together, and lift its ummm, spirits.

  • grageo

    An overexposed boob complaining about overexposed boobs.

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    Personally, I’d like to see more dick.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I think you need to subscribe to a particular cable package for that.

    • Master Contrail Program

      You must have tuned out all those GOP debates.

    • Saying that on the internet is a dangerous thing…

    • Frank Underboob

      Go watch Game of Thrones. Also too, Fox News is full of dicks.

  • baconzgood

    I really don’t care what Malkin thinks about any thing. As long as he starts making some shots instead of dishing it off to make that tic-tac-toe european shit. This is north America and the rinks are smaller. For Christ sakes it’s the playoffs game 7. I don’t want to go to a hockey game and see that fancy smanshy crap.

    I want to go and watch the pens win the Stanley Cup at home.

    • The Wanderer

      Pfeh. The Lightning will carry it off. Go Bolts!

      • Master Contrail Program

        Seconded.

      • baconzgood

        If you come to Pittsburgh during the furry convention I will buy you a nice dinner and give you a cool place to stay…even get ya some boxed wine….

        The only thing is you have to take back “Go Bolts”….

    • TheBidenator

      Baconz…are you feeling alright? That was quite a word salad and hockey?!? That’s for losers with Canadian helmet hair. Now the NBA, watching Golden State’s 73 win record breaking season on the verge of going down the tubes, that’s what we’re talking about.

      • baconzgood

        The pens won the cup….but they won it away every time. They didn’t win it on home ice. And it was a word salad because you’re an NBA fan.

        I played ice hockey…basketball is as strange to hockey fans as basketball fans find hockey strange.

        Baconz was pressured to join the basketball team by the high school basketball coach (I’m tall). Goal tending is a foul in that sport. Also they called 3 fouls on me when I walked in and blocked his “lane”.

        Baconz knows hockey….basketball….. when a guy hits you in the face with an elbow…you’re not allowed to knock him down.

        • TheBidenator

          So you were like Happy Gilmore playing basketball? Only you’re not Adam Sandler because he sucks. Don’t worry, the Cubs will blow it because they’re the Cubs. Go M’s!

      • baconzgood

        Also too……I love the Cubs (Baconz is a yoooooooge Cubs fan)

      • baconzgood

        Basketball $ucks. You may think I’m wrong….but my Dad thinks GEORGE Bush was a good president.

        So basketball vs HOCKEY
        And
        Turkey bacon vs. Real bacon.

        We will disagree.

        STILL lurv you Bidenator. You’ve been here since Wonkbot era.

    • bozilingus
  • edith prickly

    That cheerleader vid is the highlight of her non-career. Malkin is even less relevant than the Coultergeist these days, if that’s possible.

    • JMP

      She’s mostly stayed away since cashing in by selling her racist hate fest Twitchy, now if only she’d stay away.

  • MrBlobfish
  • jellysblues

    Pics please.

  • yyyaz

    This just in: Whiny Titty Baby Hates Boobs! Our panel of experts will discuss self-loathing conservatives making a difference after this commercial break.

  • TheBidenator

    I like boobs, fuck off Malkin.

  • edith prickly

    Coming from someone whose colleagues are the biggest collection of boobs the world has ever seen (and not the kind people enjoy looking at)…

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Poor Michelle. Searches for “Michelle Malkin Nip Slip” have been down ever since Netscape Navigator went away.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    You can tell she has exclusive info because she’s labia-shaming Amal Clooney.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “I despise Muslins, but they do have some good ideas:

    https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/8c/Burqa_IMG_1127.jpg/150px-Burqa_IMG_1127.jpg

    — Michelle Malkin

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Yup, that’s her idea of a great idea.

    • Querolous
      • Latverian Diplomat

        I remember reading once that back in the 1950s or so, fairly innocuous Western post cards of women we would consider fully dressed were basically sold as pornography in Kabul. It’s nice to know the “good old days” are back. And by nice, I mean horrifying.

  • MrBlobfish

    Because lost causes are the best causes.

    • Frank Underboob

      That’s why they’re still trying to kill off Obamacare.

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    Damn. That’s gonna cost me half an hour looking up Google images. I mean, I have to see what I’m incensed about, right?

    • Frank Underboob

      Indeed. Please report back if you find any good pix of Amal’s “skinny thighs and netherparts” quivering in the wind, because YUM!

    • Iron Monkey

      I stopped at Ciara at the billboard music awards. Difficult to imagine a more revealing dress.

  • logocracy

    “The last time your Wonket saw fit to acknowledge her existence was over a year ago…” Please try to beat that record next time…by a lot..

  • bubbuhh

    WHy is she upset? She is screaming and pointing at her tongue, wondering where its been.

  • Scooby

    I’m convinced conservatives are running out of wedge issues.

    • Master Contrail Program

      I admire your optimism.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      I’m not sure what cleavage they expect from this one.

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        They are cleavaging to their guns and bibbles with this one.

      • yyyaz

        Looks like a busted strategy to me.

    • calliecallie

      They hate to admit they are sagging in the polls.

      • Objectifer

        But they will keep milking it.

      • Frank Underboob

        They hate to admit they are sagging in the polls.

        I thought that was the male Repugs?

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      It all seems like a flawed ta-ta-logy to me.

    • But they are keeping abreast of other issues.

    • Nockular cavity

      Oh, I can think of several of recent mammary…

    • therblig

      cool story, bra

    • chicken thief

      Or their cups runneth over, one or the other….

    • Objectifer

      But they’ll keep milking them for all they’re worth.

    • ContextIsKey

      They keep a knockerin’ but they can’t come in.

  • Objectifer

    nervously tugging on uncooperative strips of chiffon as her skinny thighs and netherparts quivered in the wind.

    • Nockular cavity

      Now changing my nym to “Quivering Netherparts.”

      • Sounds like Jim-Bob Duggar’s Sunday night.

  • Msmlg1979

    I would love to have a video of my friend getting knocked down by the wave Saturday, and screaming, “Let me drown, my tits are out” when I pulled her out of the water. I felt weird dropping her, but it was what she wanted. Then she got knocked down by another wave. Shoulda just showed them titties, girl.

  • Objectifer

    Methinks Michelle doth protest too much. If you know what I mean.

    • Tio_Doidinho

      My thoughts precisely.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      You really have to zoom in to see the quivering nethers, and on top of that, you really need a keen eye to tell exactly what quivering is caused specifically by the wind.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    I hope she gave us links.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …first off, this woman is level 10 bat shit crazy. Secondly why is she worrying about anyone’s body other than hers. Thirdly how is Amal Clooney’s side boob going to reduce the deficit or fight terrorism? Fourthly I’m a scum bag because I actually find Michele Malkin attractive

    • clubseal

      You’re not alone, but it helps fight that feeling if you read even a single sentence of her “work”.

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …I always watch her videos on “mute”

        • clubseal

          … while listening to the audio from a women’s tennis match in the background.

    • Frank Underboob

      I hear you. Malkin’s physically hot, but mentally ugly.

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …yes I know. Her soul is the equivalent of a “White Walker”

  • Jibbers, I wonder what her reaction will be when she hears about “pornography”.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Wow. I knew she was daft, but literally being a cheerleader for America’s biggest foreign policy and military fiasco in modern times? That’s something special.

  • x111e7thst

    Extremism in display of boobery is no vice

  • JVisconti

    Disappointing, Only boob I saw in this post was the person in the hotair video.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “You are wrong about this, and wrong about how to spell our name.”

    — Michele Fiore

  • Frank Underboob

    Michelle’s point, and she does have one, is that all you dirty hoor ladies think you are feminists, with your funbags flying in the wind,

    And there I was, thinking that feminism was about doing whatever the fuck you like with your titties, et al.

  • Jamsie

    Fortunately we are spared the horror of seeing Michelle’s boobies.

    But I bet they have hooks in the nipples. I wouldn’t be a bit surprised because I’ve heard the rumors that her dick has barbs down the shaft and her balls she stole from Chuck Johnson.

    • Master Contrail Program

      Wow, Cenoboobs? I knew I should have never opened Pinhead’s puzzle box. Talk about your Lament Configuration.

    • Frank Underboob

      I’m betting that this rant is a result her catching her hubby jerking off to big titty porn, seeing as she’s not exactly generously endowed. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I personally prefer smaller boobs, given the choice.)

  • Iron Monkey

    I could happily go the rest of my life without reading anything about MM. She is a disgusting bag of anger and hatred and best ignored, even when discussing women’s breasts.

    • clubseal

      And that’s a pretty damn high bar, I would say.

  • Relativicus

    If she’s so bent out of shape about something as simple as boobies, DO NOT let her watch this week’s Game of Thrones.

  • chascates

    She and Kathryn Jean Lopez should hang out together.

  • Nounverb911

    Has she looked in the mirror lately?

  • tehbaddr

    Take back Amerika one set of pendulous breasts at a time!

  • anon_the_great

    PENDULOUS BOOBERY

    Fuckin’ greatest band name evah

  • calliecallie

    Pendulous boobery. Too much of that at my house.

    • tehbaddr

      Call me maybe?

  • anna rampage

    She seems awfully uptight about boobies for someone who is about to simulate how to give a blow job on national TV…..

  • Frank Underboob

    What was that you were saying about teh evul wimminz sinfully flaunting themselves, Ms Malkin?

  • Master Contrail Program

    This had better not qualify as a stunning Asian babe looking for older men.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Poor Lemony Half-Nekkit spent the whole time nervously tugging on uncooperative strips of chiffon as her skinny thighs and netherparts quivered in the wind.
    all right, so are all conservatives secretly trying to break into erotic fiction?

    • Master Contrail Program

      Ironic Erotica, since they don’t seem to grasp either one.

    • Frank Underboob

      I’ve got to admit that I rather like the thought of seeing Amal’s nethers quivering the wind.

      • chicken thief

        MM added a footnote – she disapproves of your screen name also too!

        • Frank Underboob

          I should change it to “Quivering Nethers”.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      as her skinny thighs and netherparts quivered in the wind.

      We’ll be in our bunkers.

      –Malkin’s Wingnut Fans

  • Serai 1

    Good thing Shrieky Bug-Eyed Woman wasn’t at the 1999 VMA Awards when Rose McGowan showed up…

    • TheBidenator

      fap, fap, fap

    • Lady Willpower

      Hommina-hommina

      • Serai 1

        It’s much too much for me, at least in public, but I’m an ol’ gal. *waves cane*

    • tehbaddr

      I’ll be in my bunk.

    • berkeleyfarm

      See that’s the thing for me … this sort of, shall we say, extreme fashion has been quite the thing at “celebrity red carpet events” for quite some time. What was her first clue? What took her so long? And the super low cut sidebooby thing like Lorde was wearing, well, that’s older than I am (which is older than MM is). That slit in Amal’s dress is definitely into what fashion bloggers the Fug Girls would call “the world is your gynecologist” territory, but it would have been fine at an indoor-only, no-breeze event and it is old school GLAM.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Wake me up when she starts ranting about the evils of Ozzy and KISS.

    • JMP

      Well KISS absolutely sucks, Gene Simmons is a right-wing asshole, and only very very old people actually like their horrible music, so shouldn’t she love them?

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        “Any goddamned idiot who has three fingers and can play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star can play the entire KISS catalog.” — My friend the guitarist.

        • willi0000000

          KISS couldn’t play Django‘s full catalog if they worked for 100 years!

          [ not bad for three fingers! . . . if you count the thumb! ]

          • Steely_Fan

            Amen, brother.

    • Master Contrail Program

      It’s the Dungeons & Dragons we should be concerned with! Michelle’s just aiming to put a second chick in Chick Tracts.

    • bupkus23

      Shore would hate to see the boobies on those guys…

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        MOOBS!!1!

        • willi0000000

          moobies?

          [ only if they’re cute ]

  • clubseal

    I have thusly envisioned Michelle’s daily routine:
    1. Spin Wheel of Random Anger Targets
    2. Write column on topic obtained in step 1.
    3. Kill ants with the names of prominent Democrats
    4. Sleep

    • bubbuhh

      She’s of an age where, mebbe, she should consider some of them whoormoans…mebbe Mr. Bill-O should giv ’em a try, too.

  • bubbuhh

    As Trump has just finished showing the GOP, almost no such thing as bad publicity. ‘course, way back when there was Rick Santorum waving around the family fetus and Newt parading his latest Stepford an proclaimin her serf of the year; so, there’s limits.

    I think breakaway boobs or nips or , well, any other body parts is just all right. If you want to flaunt ’em, just remember that yer Mom and Dad are gonna see you do it….many, many, many times with cameras in eery cellphone, instant replay an the internets and 24/7 news.

    Them fundies of all religious stripes are just going to learn some self control. Seein boobs is not an excuse for touching, grabbin, rapin. riotin, etc in a civilized culture where people have in-house terlits an such.

  • JMP

    WaIt, she thinks people actually pay attention to and care about the Billboard Music Awards, really? How can anyone when there’s a new music awards show on the TV about every two weeks; or every week if you include the equally many white’s only music awards (or ‘country music awards’) shows?

    • HOOTIE AND THE BLOWFISH LIBEL!!!!!!11!!!1!

    • limberrat

      Glad to see I am not the only one who thinks there are an excessive amount of music award shows.

      • Tallmutha

        One is too many.

      • JMP

        It’s constant, it seems every time I watch anything on one of the traditional networks they’re hyping the latest music awards show coming up later that week. Why do we have so so many of them?

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          those egos won’t stroke themselves…

          • willi0000000

            amateurs!

            [ my ego’s been stroking itself since 1953 ]

        • limberrat

          Because the music industry is desperately trying to stay relevant and think that more award shows will mean more promotion for the new music. Instead it just blurs out all of the awards show and lessens the impact of winning “important” awards shows. And the thing driving me crazy about Country awards show is they ALL use the letters C, M, & A in some alternating order and they play up ALL of them as country’s BIGGEST night.

  • major_asshole

    She’s just sad she has no boobery…?

    • roberteye

      Sort of like the stridently anti-gay congress people like Larry Craig

  • SayItWithWookies

    Michelle’s opened up a new realm of scolding — high fashion skin scold. “And now, look at glamorous celebrity twins Buffy and Sprinkly McTart in their matched Versace tulle ensembles with such gossamer decolletage that the necklines plunge deeper than an Acapulco cliff-diver — horrid!” This could be her in to all the best events where she can be horrified at the nekkid skin from right on the red carpet, where she’s probably always wanted to be.

  • TeeRaak

    Michelle Malkin is as serious as a broken leg.
    https://media4.giphy.com/media/s2a42iTKQsGFa/giphy.gif

  • yyyaz

    Boobery-hatchery.

  • OddMan

    Ms. M’s post over at Townhall has Disqus for comments.
    Just saying. I don’t think it is nice to troll the folks over there, but still.

  • beavertank

    “These get-ups should really be called un-dresses.”

    Has someone secretly replaced Michelle Malkin with a 65 year old white male curmudgeon from the Midwest? Seriously, that sounds like the sort of idiot phrase you’d find in an exceptionally stupid letter to the editor in Bumfuck, Nebraska (population 102).

  • roberteye

    Oh man she’s nuts, but I’ve always seen her as a RWNJILF

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Ew. Just ew.

    • I can relate…not to having the hots for Malkin, but RWNJILF in general.

      The worst was when there was an anti-abortion/anti-gay marriage protest at the campus I was a grad student at. One of the guys holding up an anti-gay marriage sign was this young guy with a fitness trainer build, good looks that could have probably nabbed him a modeling gig at least in Chicago if not in California or New York City, a tight white t-shirt that very nearly showed off every pec, and had hair that was obviously conditioned to some degree. I think I actually blurted out, “Oh COME ON” when I saw him.

  • I really wish I could send her copies of the gloriously awful comic book series “Lady Death” (which had its own swimsuit issue, which the image below came from) and see if she assumes it’s coming out now even though Lady Death hasn’t been popular since about 1998.

    (It’s probably worth pointing out that she had a huge female following back in the day too. Maybe Michelle Malkin was one of them?)

  • TheGrandWaz00

    Malkintents™

    • AlasAnAss

      Right-wing erections caused by that cheerleading video? Malkin Tents.*

      *Sorry. I didn’t need to do that.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Bored Boob Riles Rubes Over Boobs. Yawn.

  • D_C_Wilson
  • Tio_Doidinho

    That perfect combination of “old man breathless slut-shaming” and “over-compensating closeted lesbian”.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    The real question here is who peed in Michelle’s Cheerios this morning?

    • anna rampage

      the same person who pees in the Cheerios every morning….

      • Master Contrail Program

        She’s a job creator, and excellent at watersports.

  • Mintie

    Oh, are you ranting again, Michelle? Sorry, I zoned out as soon as I heard your voice. No, no, it’s okay. You don’t have to repeat yourself. I have to go anyway. Got important nose-picking to get to this afternoon. Don’t call me, I’ll call you. And the check is in the mail.

    • david green

      You can zone out with THAT voice filling the air. Wow, must be powerful stuff you got there.

      • Mintie

        It’s a self-defense mechanism.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Are most wingnuts also bluenose prudes? I guess it kind of follows – if you’re sex-positive, it’s awful hard to hang on to a lot of ‘social conservatism’.

    I like something Penn Jilette said when asked about his politics: “I’m right on money, and left on sex.” Libertarian types have their flaws, but they’re usually never as awful as the Malkins of this world.

    • JMP

      Nah, libertarians just hate women in different ways than traditional conservatives do. For the Malkins, it’s “those women are sluts because the enjoy sex!”; for the Randians, it’s “those women are sluts because they enjoy sex with someone who is not me!”

      • sincarne

        Perfect distillation. Probably why there seems to be so much Libertarian/MRA crossover.

        • JMP

          And they use the exact same tactics in their online trolling – look how both groups always respond to any refutation of their bullshit with “that’s an ad hominem attack” while declaring that they are just so super logical while everyone who disagrees with them is emotional and therefore for some reason bad. The Venn diagram is not completely a perfect circle, but it’s close.

          • berkeleyfarm

            In my experience, the bullies are usually the first to complain about being “bullied”.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Someone really needs to tell Malkin that it’s the hyper puritanism of conservatives like herself that represses normal. healthy appreciation of the human form and causes society to obsess about it. It’s precisely stick up their ass moral scolds like her that make all the quasi nudity so titillating (so to speak) in the first place.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        It is my contention that the moral scolds are very much aware of that, and, getting kick backs from the sex industry they say they rail against.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          I’d actually have more respect for them were that true. I think the truth is- they’re just nasty people

          • Villago Delenda Est

            THIS!

        • JMP

          Like the blonde anchors on Fox “News” who rail against sex while always wearing the miniskirts required by Rupert Murdoch.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Yup, exactly. The experience of a nudist camp/beach/etc. powerfully illustrates this principle. At first, you can barely look, and feel super self-conscious. But after about an hour, all the shame and involuntary titillation goes away, and you just relax and wonder what the hell the big deal was.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          See also: Europe

      • limberrat

        Repressed moral scolds are freaky. As someone who grew up in a church that was big on repressing sex, the scandals that stayed within the walls of the church were amazing. Also the reasons why I needed to stay sexually repressed made me wonder what these people were doing behind the scenes.
        Some examples of the greatest hits:
        -Me having premarital sex would lead to me molesting children
        -Premarital sex was going to make me a sex addict
        -Masturbation was the same as rape

        • IdRatherBeDancing

          I’ve been pretty rapey then, when I was not otherwise addicting as much as I possibly can. Hell here I come.

        • Gleem-McShinez

          Masturbation was the same as rape

          Wait, does this change the whole Todd Aiken / Repubs “Legitimate Rape” dialog now?

          Were they just talking about earnest wankin’ the whole time?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Sorry, Malkin’s corrupted brain is incapable of processing your post, Zip. They never get that prohibiting something just makes it more attractive. They are morans.

    • berkeleyfarm

      Some seem to have very liberal (haha) exceptions for “People we like”.

  • AngryKatie

    Err, if she thinks they’re exposing more on the catwalk than on a gynecological exam table, Michelle Malkin needs to change doctors stat.

  • AlasAnAss

    But she is a tit, man.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Is that the conservative problem with boobs? They resent a physical representation of their preferred state of being?

  • chascates

    Trump to speak live (top of the hour supposedly) on receiving sacred ‘1237’ delegates making him God Fucking Almighty!
    http://www.thedickinsonpress.com/live-video/4041506
    Will insult others, crow about his greatness, and depress anyone with a brain.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I am expecting to hear him weasel out of his Bernie Debate, myself.

    • limberrat

      I am so popular that I got to yooge number of 1237, all you losers in the Republican Party are now forced to endorse me and worship my not tiny, yoooge hands!

  • Extremism in the defense of boobery is no vice.

  • “Lemony Half-Nekkit”?
    Babe, let Gene Shalit do Gene Shalit, ‘k?

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    You know who else saw boobs?

    • MarkM

      Everyone who watches “Fox and Friends”?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Hugh Hefner?

  • limberrat

    So Michelle (I might just start calling her “two L”) wants us to go back to Victorian Era fashions? Should we start having fainting spells when we see ankles or start discussing serious issues like banning alcohol or allowing women to work?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      no showing the nekkid legs on your furniture

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Burquas or GTFO!

  • cheetojeebus

    My instinct is to say, fuck off Michelle, But probably, I need to do more research.

  • chicken thief

    I agree that some boobs should not be seen. Ever.

    *glaring Michelle’s direction*

  • chicken thief

    Should we assume, by omission, that she is totes cool with the increased prevalence of on screen peen?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Free Willy!

      • UnsaltedSinner

        There’s no such thing as a free willy.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    That video never gets old.

  • willi0000000

    big scoop for you miche11e . . . i’ve been under her skirt and The Statue of Liberty ain’t wearin’ no panties!!!!! . . . get right on it!

    • therblig

      yearning to breathe free?

  • TheGrandWaz00

    Nip? Tuck!

    Worst show ever.

  • SamyyCiao

    Who is this idiot – Mayor of Baltimore or the DA?

  • Oblios_Cap

    Boobies are cool. What’s her fucking problem?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      She’s Michelle Malkin.

  • JMP

    As an Asian woman who defends the Japanese internment, Malkin is tied with Dinesh D’Souza in the self-hating horribly racist minority contest.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      She seems to not realize that what she is essentially doing is lobbying to be a comfort woman for the white enlisted soldiers.

    • SpideySenser

      And Bobby Jindal, too, also.

    • Rick Hill

      She likely thinks the comfort women were asking for it, having lady parts and all…

  • diogenez

    One of the clearest benefits of never watching Fox: I’d forgotten all about Michelle Malkin.

  • elpinche

    Man, I love titties. Big, small , big ole dark silver dollar nipples, to pink penny-sized nipples. Shelly, stop feeling inadequate, baby.

    • mardam422

      Now I’m a little bit tingly down there, too.

  • theblackdog

    Michelle is angry because the boobies make her have to go change her panties and she keeps running out of clean pairs.

    • elpinche

      When she’s not creaming in them over ScarJo’s sideboob, she’s shitting in them because Muslins.

      • theblackdog

        You take your anti-fabric views straight over to Fox News!

    • tehbaddr

      Moist, damp panties.

  • Mimihaha

    I didn’t realize she was still famous. I still don’t understand why she ever was.

  • YourNameHere

    On behalf of people that love boobs everywhere…shut up lady.

  • Fifth-and-a-Half Element
  • Bitter Scribe

    If celebrity attire at awards shows offends her so much, did it ever occur to her to, you know, not watch them?

  • mardam422

    I know, right? Just wait till the RNC later this summer. Talk about boobs!!

  • Teecha

    So not only does she have an issue with imagining that she can women’s breasts, she is offended by women choosing not to wear a bra?
    ‘…you’ve displayed more on the catwalk than on the gynecological exam table’ *blinks* who the fuck shows their baps at the annual clunge plunge?

  • Jonny On Maui
    • Rick Hill

      Psychotic??!!?? Sounds like they were getting some garden munchies and looking for a place to crash. “Hey. Dude. Did you ever look at your hoof? I mean, really look at it?”

    • willi0000000

      is there any difference between a psychotic sheep and the other kind?

      [ Dodge? . . . Ram? . . . never could make up my mind ]

  • Rick Hill

    “It’s that we live in an age of dignity malfunctions.”

    And with that, Irony could take no more, it just fell to the floor and expired…

  • jesuswasablack

    I often wonder how Michelle ended up so misguided, when did she go the wong way?
    http://districtlines.s3.amazonaws.com/designs/23992/WongWayArt_heather.jpg

    • Villago Delenda Est

      When she approved of the internment of Japanese-Americans. Does she really think that bigoted white people can discern the differences among Asians?

    • nhunter77018

      That’s so lacist!

  • Paul Harrington

    Thanks for the list Michelle. Some of these boobs are new to me.

  • Rick Hill

    “We’re drowning in underboob. Bombarded with sideboob. Nip slips. Crotch slips. Bare-bottom flashes. All of the above, all at once.”

    If she’s getting all of that, she’s not on the entertainment page, she’s surfing for pron,

  • Markuserektus

    Jiggery boobery!

  • John Iwaniszek

    I for one welcome our new underboob overlords.

  • Jonny On Maui

    Extreme boobery is not a triumph of feminism.

    No, it’s the triumph of Republicanism…

    • mancityfooty .

      Triumph of the swill!

  • Toomush_Infer

    Malkin’s right – we should check out the sideboobs of whoever Trumpaloompa is considering for V.P. very carefully. Can’t do to have some withered tugs representing “Merica” abroad…

    • thenearesthippie

      I will NOT check out Newt Gingrich’s sideboobs, that you very much.

  • Mavenmaven

    Too much boob doesn’t seem to bother her putative GOP nominee…

    • Zango LeHoonery

      That’d be full-frontal boob.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Did they show the Thatcher?

  • Boo Hoo

    W.T.F. did I just watch? lol

  • peteywheats

    “tugging on uncooperative strips of chiffon as her skinny thighs and netherparts quivered in the wind.”

    …go on….

  • OrdinaryJoe

    I wonder if Crazyeyesmalkin thinks we should see less of these four examples of gratuitous pendulous boobage being exploited for media attention?

  • Gleem-McShinez

    Is making people facepalm so hard that they hurt themselves a kind of a superpower?

  • Swampay

    “Apparently, you haven’t made it in the fashion world until you’ve displayed more on the catwalk than on a gynecological exam table.”

    Lady, I think you need a new gynecologist.

    “as she let her lady parts hang low, swinging to and fro.”

    Can we at least agree on terminology? While boobs are indeed parts of ladies, let’s reserve “lady parts” for the parts between your legs that your gynecologist looks at. The parts you use for making babies with sex. You know that’s what they are for, right?
    Also, too, if your lady parts (as defined) are hanging low, swinging to and fro, well, like I said, I think you need a new gynecologist.

    • Jonny On Maui

      As an old guy owner of bruised knees I’m thinking if parts are hanging low and swinging to and fro that ain’t no lady…

      • sw19womble

        Prolapse libels!!!!!

    • david green

      Or you are a guy…

  • btwbfdimho

    True, boobs are a distraction, since you may be distracted from looking at her golden gun.
    http://www.gqindia.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/GQ-India-Melani-trump-model.jpg

    • SnarkOff

      Those are not breasts; they are surgically placed plastic bags of fluid.

    • Julz Cat

      I’ve always wanted to go to a Trump rally holding up one of these pictures with a caption that reads “THE WHOLE WORLD HAS SEEN YOUR WIFE’S PATOOTY!!”

  • JoyP

    First of all I thought she was dead, since thankfully, I hadn’t heard her screeching lately. Second, she is the last person who should be saying the words “duck lips”.

    • sw19womble

      I thought people called her duck face?

      At least I think that’s what they were yelling at her…

  • Boscoe

    I almost feel sorry for Malkin… life has to be rough when your face is twisted into a permanent “who farted” scowl by all your pent-up manufactured vitriol.

    • “Nature gives you the face you have at twenty. Life shapes the face you have at thirty. But at fifty you get the face you deserve.”
      ― Coco Chanel

  • WhyFelicia

    Sigh. I hate to be Slate today, but I agree that there’s too much showing, but for very different reasons.

    • SnarkOff

      I agree, too.

    • berkeleyfarm

      I am with you here.

  • dshwa

    Michelle’s just mad that nobody wants to see hers. Pro-tip though Michelle , it’s your personality that drives people away.

  • I remember the HR person at a school I worked at years ago came to a faculty workshop. I commented that she wasn’t there and a colleague kindly pointed her out to me. I realized, I hadn’t recognized her because she hadn’t assaulted me with her cleavage.

    I was appalled at the fashion a few years back of wearing the waistline of your pants below the waistline of your underwear. Girls would wear a thong and display it above the waistline of their pants. Thrilling yes, but why?

    Boys would sag their pants — is that still a thing? Who ever thought that anyone wanted to see six inches of sweaty cotton underwear? Why? Why?

    As much as I lust for the womens, I sometimes which I were exposed
    to less of them. It is a form of assault. Whether you want to or not,
    you see things that you might not want to see. You can’t avert your eyes
    until you realize what you are averting them from. It is an intrusion on the sensibilities of others to force them to gander, however briefly one can manage, at the parts hat god intended us to keep covered.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Ah. The burka defense…

      • I don’t commit sexual assault. I do think that we shouldn’t assume that everyone wants to see the cracks of our asses or our tits or our underwear. There’s nothing wrong with objecting to being forced to look at aspects of other people that we’d rather not see. Just like there isn’t anything wrong with objecting to being forced to listen to someone else’s crappy music.

        I’m sorry. I appreciate looking at tits and ass as anyone else. But, I’d like the courtesy of being able to choose the time and place of it.

        • Jonny On Maui

          There’s nothing wrong with objecting to being forced to look at aspects of other people that we’d rather not see. Just like there isn’t anything wrong with objecting to being forced to listen to someone else’s crappy music.

          You can object all you want. You can be as vocal about your objection as you wish. In this day and age, you will be objecting a lot. If that is how you wish to spend your energy, go for it.

          I know that once I’m off the elevator I’m not listening to the horrible music, smelling the awful perfume or staring at the walls anymore and go about my business. Such is life.

          • So your previous three posts trying to instruct me were about… what?

          • Jonny On Maui

            Oh no instruction, just observation and an opposing viewpoint. All my own $0.02. Nothing written in stone. No hits or harm intended.

            It must be the time I’ve spent on the beach here. No human body covered or uncovered bothers me much anymore. The bother is not worth the effort for me.

            Again, YMMV…

    • Professor Fate

      Were you tied to a chair and forced to watch the award shows like Alex in A Clockwork Orange? Because otherwise I’m not sure how this is germane.
      And I might point out that folks don’t dress for your approval. If something is making you uncomfortable that’s you not the person in question.
      And oh yes God made us naked.

      • We all have to live in this world together. So, according to you, we could all walk around naked and tough if anyone doesn’t like it. What is that?

        • Jonny On Maui

          I do believe the time has come to view clothing as protection from the ravages of nature’s weather rather than protection from the ravages of those who seem to view the human form as undesirable, ugly or titillating…

          YMMV

          • The purpose of life is to reproduce. We are attracted to one another for that purpose. Sex is pleasurable for that purpose. If you want to deny your own humanity, fine. But, I don’t think we’ll ever get to the point where we don’t view each other as alluring regardless of clothing.

          • Jonny On Maui

            I’m not sure where I denied my humanity but at least I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t equate skin with sex.

            The human body can be beautiful to some and repulsive to others, the same body, by the way. How we deal with that measures us as humans.

          • Professor Fate

            We are running off the rails here a bit yes?

          • No, it is pretty basic human tendency. It is the reason for much of why we do what we do.

            In very harsh climates where food and resources are scarce, reproduction has to be carefully controlled. Consequently, women are controlled. The easiest way to control reproduction, is to control who can have sex. The easiest way to control who can have sex is to control women.

            In climates where food and resources are plentiful, you don’t find such repression of women. It isn’t as necessary to control reproduction.

            With the advent of the pill, reproduction can now be fairly precisely controlled. Consequently, women are free to have sex as often as or as much as they like. More power to them. We needn’t control women to control reproduction any longer.

            It really is as simple as that.

            Like all life on the planet, our purpose is to reproduce. We send signals to each other about our availability, willingness, and fertility. It’s why make up is a multibillion dollar industry. Female fertility is correlated with estrogen. Estrogen affects the size of eyes and fullness of lips. Women with larger eyes and fuller lips are more fertile. Consequently, they are more attractive. Consequently, make up enhances eyes and lips.

            I’m just expressing my discomfort with the way fashion has changed. I’m not here to harsh anyone’s high. I just think a little more awareness of how our behavior impacts those around us, might just make a more pleasant society with a little more politeness and consideration.

          • Jonny On Maui

            We can always use more politeness and consideration.

            Can you imagine this conversation taking place on another site? It’d probably be a full scale flame war by now. Damn I love this place and the people in it.

          • Me, too.

          • Professor Fate

            this reminds me of the joke where a shrink is giving a man a Rorschach test and each one he shows him, the man gives the same answer ” People having sex” ; finally the Shrink finishes and says “I’ve never had a patient this obsessed with sex.” to which the man answers “Me? You’re the one showing me all the dirty pictures.”

        • Professor Fate

          The sound you heard was the point whizzing past your head. You were the one who said things should be covered as god intended. To which I pointed out god was the one that made us naked if you follow that belief.
          as to nudity well the ancient greeks exercised naked nobody seem to have gotten all bent out of shape about that back in the day – body shame seems to be more recent development. Of which I admit I have plenty – but I don’t get upset with women for what they wear because I am uncomfortable with the thoughts in my head.

    • edith prickly

      I would prefer it if everyone just got over the OMG BOOBS!! attitude altogether. We’re way too uptight about skin in this part of the world. But that’s just me.

      • sw19womble

        Right on! The number of times I’ve had complaints/been arrested when I’ve gone shopping while skyclad…

        • edith prickly

          I applaud your rejection of the bourgeois tyranny of clothes.

          • sw19womble

            Sometimes you’ve got to let it all hang out. ;p
            Plus of course it stops people turning up at the cottage unannounced on a warm sunny day…

      • I would too. But, then people complain that the fleshy bits of women are too distracting for men and it ought not be. Seriously, forcing people to look at and listen to things that they’d rather not is assault.

        • Jonny On Maui

          Seriously, forcing people to look at and listen to things that they’d rather not is assault.

          I thought it was called education…

          • You might want to be educated by the person sitting next to you on a plane watching snuff films or mutilations on their computer or other devise. Or you might think the person with the bad gas on an elevator is educating you. You might think someone listening to Bolero turned up to eleven at 1:00 AM is educational. But, we have limits on our behavior because they negatively impact those around us. I have an opinion about public nudity. I am not walking around with sheets like Mayor Lila Cockerel of San Antonio covering up nude statues in the 1970’s, but I can voice my objections to what is obviously a very popular public trend, can I not? Do you have to “prove” me wrong simply because we don’t agree?

          • Jonny On Maui

            Prove? NoGoodnik, my friend, I know far better than to try to change anyones mind anywhere on the intertubes.

            We agree to disagree. I can live with that and still call you friend.

          • CJTX

            I think the point here is that it is you with this opinion and this idea, and you would prefer women cover up. Women, apparently, disagree. But, seriously, it ain’t assault. That’s the most objectionable part of your statement. I personally hate when women drown themselves in perfume so it stinks up small spaces/officers and you can smell them coming from 10 feet away. But at least I realize it’s me…I would call it an assault on the senses, but apparently I’m in the wrong. Free country.

            Some places have women covered from head to toe, some places have boobies all over their magazines and publications.

          • Until it sets off someone’s asthma and kills them.

          • CJTX

            So, boobies kill? Listen there is always going to be a trade off of liberties, that’s life in a free world. We do it with guns and peanut-based products. I’m not cold blooded, I just don’t consider “revealing” clothing to be assault. There’s plenty of people, I wish would cover up a bit more, but I get over it. Who wants some kind of uniformed dystopian future.

          • Yes. That’s exactly right. I live my life very comfortably; although, I’d rather not see some of things I see. That’s all I’m saying. I know how times change.

          • CJTX

            You and me both – people complain about “having to see” gay people kiss…dude I’d rather not see plenty of unattractive straight couples going at it in public.

          • Biff52

            Boobs: just like vaccinations!

          • Yes it is my opinion. Yes women disagree. One person’s assault is another person’s caress.

          • thixotropic jerk

            Because “indecent” exposure has only been around since…when? The 1960s? The 1660s? I think you would have a verrrrry difficult time in certain cities in Oregon where toplessness by both genders is very much a legal thing. I would include a picture but don’t want to “assault” you. This place has always been schizophrenic about mores ever since it was colonized. We tend to view everything as sexualized because we’re so repressed, especially the “sinful” body egads!!! Your opinion (which you are absolutely entitled to) seems like the latest version. Why? Let’s examine your life and behavior and find out what you are doing that offends and assaults others. Maybe you will voluntarily stop those behaviors, maybe you won’t. Welcome to the constant dance between freedom and responsibility. Every generation gets to choreograph their performance. There are limits, certainly, but your argument sounds a lot like “you kids get offa my dress code lawn!”

          • Yes, I know. That’s exactly what I’m saying.

          • thixotropic jerk

            Well then I guess the best response is you do you, NoGood, you do you ; ^ )

          • Julz Cat

            In defense of the person with the bad gas on the elevator, you can’t ALWAYS control what comes flying out of your ass. People choose to blast their music and show side boob and watch icky porn, but most of us don’t intentionally fart on people….we DO however intentionally blame it on our dogs and small children.

          • Jonny On Maui

            And barking spiders…

          • Biff52

            +1 for barking spiders ref. Haven’t heard it since the 70’s, when some friends of mine, swear to god, opened a burger restaurant named The Barking Spider…

          • Tania

            An Australian band called Cold Chisel had more farewell concerts than anyone (just had another one). In the 80s they made an album called Barking Spiders live. I now realise I am old and have to get googling.

        • edith prickly

          I don’t see where force is coming into it, and that argument sounds suspiciously like the one the fundie modesty police are always using. Try looking in another direction if the boobies are that distressing, or buy a pair of those blinders they put on police horses.

          And as much as I would enjoy charging people with assault for playing shitty music in their cars and pulling up next to me with the windows open, I think that cheapens the meaning of the word assault.

    • Jennifer R

      There is no god ergo nothing was intended to be covered. Your puritanical fear of nudity is unbecoming of a member of the digital age.

      • No it’s not. The root of politeness is being aware of how your behavior impacts those around you and limit the inconvenience. Obviously, you’ve not learned this lesson.

        • Jennifer R

          Says the person so wound up in their anti semitic Torah fanfiction, they missed the parts about praying alone, not casting stones, and being aware of the plank in thine own eye.

    • tehbaddr

      ~~~

      • Frank Underboob

        Me either. O.o

      • Oh, it’s real alright. Have you seen six inches of sweaty cotton faded underwear? What? Why again?

    • malsperanza

      If you ask “why” about fashion, you’re missing the point. Why bell bottoms? Why neckties? Why the actual fuck high heels?

      • Jonny On Maui

        Ummm… I can explain high heels and bell bottoms.

        But there’s no explanation for neckties…

        • malsperanza

          You may be able to explain high heels, but you cannot justify them.

        • Suttree

          As a person of Croatian descent, I must say cravat libelz! I don’t like wearing them, I just like the history.
          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cravat

          • Jonny On Maui

            I was wrong again. Must be a day ending in ‘y’…

          • Suttree

            Don’t worry, it’s rather esoteric. :)

        • david green

          Well, I can explain the bell bottoms if you are a sea-going sort. Other than that, a waste of material.

      • Serai 1

        High heels are so you can’t run away. Neckties are because Humans Are Slow To Change. Also Stupid.

        You’re on your own with bell bottoms. (I liked them, so long as they were reasonable. Those enormous dragging-on-the-floor things, though… YEESH.)

        • James Christopher Owen

          Hey there. Back the eff up off my neckties. I can SO rock a Steve Dallas devil-may-care look. :P

  • sw19womble

    Seriously, who cares about boobies this much? She’s like a reverse Turgid Love Muscle

  • btwbfdimho

    We tend to forget that boobs are the main reason Ajax kidnaped and raped Cassandra.
    https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/42/Solomon_Ajax_and_Cassandra.jpg

  • Grokenstein

    If only America would just herd all of the boobies into internment camps, for the duration. Then and only then would boobies be safe from us, and we safe from boobies.

  • Jennifer R

    A triumph of feminism is that I can wear what I want even if that is nothing.

    • btwbfdimho

      Pics or never happened.

      • Jennifer R

        My fetlife isn’t hat hard to find.

    • sw19womble

      You can’t do anything about the objective gaze of the male (but then neither can men, it’s deep down in the dna). However, that’s not your problem.
      Wear what you like -as much or as little…. although I personally draw the line at Lady Gaga’s meat dress, purely on sanitary reasons – I get the point that the artist was making!

      • Jennifer R

        Men, women, and everyone else regardless of where they identify as on the gender spectrum are invited to gaze as much as they want.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        It is not actually in the DNA. There are plenty of peoples in the world where bare chested is the regular state of dress (because hot, yo! usually) and the men are not drooling morons incapable of doing anything because tits everywhere.
        The sexualization of the breast is most decidedly a cultural thing.

        • sw19womble

          Ankles, chest, earlobes, whatever. It’s about the hunter-gatherer mentality, gathering information and sorting/comparing.
          Not everything is about sex, you know. Jeez woman, get your mind out of the gutter! :p

    • Jonny On Maui

      Can we upgrade that to ‘humanism’ so we all can be comfortable?

      • Jennifer R

        Damn right we can!

        • Jonny On Maui

          Thank you! ‘ahhh..’

    • Serai 1

      Not quite. I’d say the triumph would be when you can wear what you want even if it’s nothing – and NOBODY WOULD BOTHER YOU ABOUT IT.

      That would a triumph. And very nice, too.

      • Jennifer R

        That would be a legendary victory and one I hope to see.

  • btwbfdimho

    She may need to think about that famous line by the poet James Howell (c. 1594 – 1666):
    One hair of a woman can draw more than a hundred pair of oxen.

  • Courser

    Hey, Michelle, honey? You’re doing feminism all wrong. Hating on boob-havers is not cool, even if they let them flap in the breeze.

    Don’t like it? Don’t look at it, which apparently you are, All. The. Time.

    • sw19womble

      She surely does like staring at them there titties.

    • Frank Underboob

      I’m betting that it’s her hubby looking at them that has her so riled up.

    • Serai 1

      Yep. The trends she’s talking about are certainly not my cup of tea, either. (I like titties, but I like class as well.) But I don’t freak out over them. I just eyeroll or tsk-tsk in my head, and let the young’uns do as they do. They’re not MY titties, after all, and an awful lot of people seem to think the peekaboo is nice, so…

      http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v123/Serai/Comment%20pics/dude.jpg

  • nmmagyar

    I’ve watched a lot of runway shows, and have yet to see a cervix.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      Cut to Michelle Malkin yelling at her computer “ENHANCE! ENHANCE!”

    • Dudleydidwrong

      I’m not sure what one looks like–there are none in our local zoo. But could one dwell on Trump’s head?

      • If you feel the tip of your nose, you’ll have the approximation of what a cervix feels like and about the same size. Does that help?

  • sosuume

    “…we live in an age of dignity malfunctions.” Yep. FOX “News” & Donny Drumpf. Both dignity wastelands.

    • Swampgas_Man

      Minnow famously described television as a “Vast wasteland.” Fox News is only half-vast.

  • brucej

    Is she a robotic chicken being forced by a mad scientist to watch these things? Michell, baby, buhbie, it’s called the ‘off’ button!

    • CJTX

      Then she wouldn’t have anything to be GRRR about today. These people need that, they’re addicts.

  • lroom

    “Pendulous Boob” is my new name for Donald Trump.

  • Professor Fate

    Of course now the Fugs song “Boobs a lot” with immortal lines like “we like boobs a lot, gotta like boobs a lot” is playing in the jukebox of my mind.

  • Magic Juan

    She’s just mad they all have bigger tits than her.

    • cynmac

      Little Bitty Titty Libelz!!!11! Some guys like the little titties and say “anything more than a handful/mouthful is a waste”. These tend to be butt and/or leg men. I speak from personal experience. And a lot of my GFs with bigger titties hate them later.

      • Frank Underboob

        I personally am a big fan of smaller titties. It’s a shame that Malkin is such a total asshole, because other than that I find her very attractive.

        • cynmac

          Yeah, it sucks when someone in your Spank Bank ™ turns out to be a turd. Now some people would keep them anyway, but I had to remove RDJ when I found out he was a Republican.

          • Frank Underboob

            Who’s RDJ?

          • cynmac

            Robert Downey, Junior. aka Ironman.

          • Frank Underboob

            He’s a Repug? Ew.

          • thenearesthippie

            *puts fingers in ears* I CAN’T HEAR YOU LALALALALALALA

        • Enfant Terrible

          Hate sex can be pretty hot.

          Or so I”m told.

          • Frank Underboob

            It might require a ball-gag.

      • natoslug

        I am a gourmand. Breasts are excellent at any size or shape.

  • Aquaria

    She’d stop seeing so much boob if she’d stop looking in the mirror for a little while.

  • btwbfdimho

    I wonder how many Sanders voters will agree with Michelle Malkin, because bra deconstruction and boobs exposure are usually non-random tools for Meta-commodity fetishizing of inter-intra-cister-transgender exxxchanges, cyclically evolving thru possible but less than improbable domain-invariant exchanges as volatile as the long trajectory that goes from the throne of Queen Victoria to oversize-for sale merchandise for Drag Queens at Victoria’s Secret.

    • Jonny On Maui

      The Huffpo thread is thataway ———————->

      • cynmac

        Salon too, but that screed was directly from thoughtcatalog.com.

        • Jonny On Maui

          Ummm… What was that place?

          • cynmac

            The Young Ones share their Inner Mostest Thoughts there. I has a teen and never lost the touch of checking out what they are up to…

          • Jonny On Maui

            Ah, okay. Didn’t stay long as I had to look up a bunch of acronyms and I obviously was not the target audience…

    • Frank Underboob

      How the living fuck are you twisting that into a slam on Sanders supporters?

    • Serai 1

      Wow, that was beautifully unintelligible. You should submit it to Salon!

  • Bear OmNomNom

    Too much bewbs in teh kultur! Obvious solution is to talk in great detail about the too much bewbs that there are!

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    I’ll admit it…I immediately checked out all of Malkin’s boob references purely out of prurience. Not proud of it but there it is.

    • hvdv

      Prolly time to take that bag off your head.

  • katz

    Michelle Malkin always reminds me of Rita Skeeter.

  • Ruffle Puffle

    Jesus Christ. Did Malkin write this screed back in 1956?

  • Anita Ledford

    Well don’t let her see Game of Thrones. Nudity is common on the show and MALE PENIS was shown! (quick my smellin salts! Get me to the fainting couch!) I can’t wait till she gets old and takes a gander at what gravity and age do to her body.

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    Well, after looking up all of those booby pics, I too am engorged.

    (Enraged? It was enraged, not…? Oh.)

    Never mind.

    • Serai 1

      I don’t know. I’ve seen some pretty angry dicks in my time. ‘Course, they calmed down once you exercised them for a while…

    • Panika MCD
      • Lee Hillhouse

        That was so sad. :( Such cute birds… :)

        • Panika MCD

          “‘no’ means ‘no'” isn’t a confusing concept to boobies. that’s a very happy thing.

          • Lee Hillhouse

            TRUE! Excellent point that obviously zoomed right over my head. Sorry. I was just thinking of the word comparison….boobs. You are right.

    • hvdv

      Ew.

  • malsperanza

    Michelle Malkin is explaining feminism to us ladies? Wow. The only thing that would be funnier than that would be Michelle Malkin explaining how to be dignified.

    So, White House press secretary in the Trump administration?

  • King of America

    This article made no mention of back boobies, which are the worst kind of boobie

  • masked mumbler

    Things I’ve learned from Internet assholes #53: Feminism is all about shaming women into acting the way you want them to act.

    • Frank Underboob

      Even right here in this comment section. :/

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Maybe Michelle is annoyed, as I am, by the inherent discrimination here. If the celebrity ladies are letting their parts “hang low, swinging to and fro” then it’s not fair at all that the celebrity men aren’t doing the same thing. Is it time for a Class Action lawsuit about this?

    • Serai 1

      I have often been annoyed about this. Those stupid huge baggy basketball shorts, for instance. What the fuck is up with those? Whatever happened to those nice, snug shorts that showed off the athlete’s asses so gorgeously? You could see every clench and thrust, yum yum yum.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Perhaps you should consider switching loyalties from athletics to ballet. I love ballet. Renaissance Festivals are also rewarding. See below.

        • Serai 1

          Oh goddess, I spent way too many years at RenFaires to be interested anymore. And I grew up with ballet, so again, been there, done that.

          Besides, dancers are boring. They’re all in love with themselves. It’s those mirrors….

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Sure they’re boring. But I don’t want to TALK to them.

          • Serai 1

            I take it you never saw The Turning Point.

            *sigh* Nobody gets my references.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Yes, saw it, love it, have it on DVD.

          • AlasAnAss

            So not true . . .

          • Serai 1

            * squee * Ah, you made my night.

          • AlasAnAss

            AlasAnAssButPerhapsNotMerelyAnAss?

            (And the pleasure was all mine.)

    • Panika MCD
      • Angela Ruzzo

        Very nice. I must admit to a SLIGHT preference for hairy chests, but I’m not going to complain here.

      • hvdv

        Relevant or not, I will ALWAYS like a Ryan Gosling Hey Girl pic.

    • Frank Underboob

      She needs to start watching Game of Thrones.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I watched it once. Didn’t like it. I prefer real history.

        • Frank Underboob

          There are people who think GoT is history?

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Surprisingly, yes. I just finished reading a biography of Queen Isabella (The She-Wolf of France) by Alison Weir. She was the French princess married to Edward II of England, in case you didn’t know. You could make a much more interesting TV series out of her life and the politics of 14th century England and France than anything in Game of Thrones. Love and passion, sex and seduction, hatred and revenge, knights in armor and ladies in distress, political murders and brutal executions, witches and warlocks, The Black Death, the Hundred Year’s War, The Round Table. . .and all true.

          • Frank Underboob

            Yeah, but no dragons!
            BTW: Speaking of somewhat historical drama, did you see The Borgias? That was a lot of fun.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            No, no dragons. But if you extend the story to the 1500’s you get Joan of Arc and her angelic voices, which is not as good as dragons, but a good screen writer could do a lot with that.

            Which version of the Borgias do you mean? There was the Showtime version, which was very good but was canceled before the end of the story, and there’s the Italian production currently showing on Netflix which is also good, and there’s the 1981 BBC version, which was excellent but is hard to find, and there’s a Spanish movie version, which was also good but it left a lot out. It’s a great story, you couldn’t make up a story like that and do better.

            The story of Henry II and Eleanor of Aquitaine and their unruly family would also make a good series. There would even be a crusade or two, with lots of whacking and scenes of seductive harem girls in skimpy costumes, and themes of adultery and impotence and homosexuality, and I’m sure they could fit a dragon in there somewhere.

          • Jena-Auerstedt

            Obviously still in the throes of a Borgia-obsession

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Their story has everything – sex, lust, love, power, politics, war, murder, religion, birth and death, art and music and architecture. Definitely addictive. Plus gorgeous settings and costumes.

          • Frank Underboob

            …intrigue, conspiracies…

          • Angela Ruzzo

            . . .torture, drugs, incest. . .

          • Frank Underboob

            The Showtime version, which I loved, not least because of Jeremy Irons, & all the debauchery + murder. I was very sad when it was cancelled.
            Also, too, I vote to give you a job at Showtime or HBO, because I very much approve of your story ideas. :)

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I’m open to that.

          • Frank Underboob

            Well, it wasn’t exactly rigorous about historical accuracy anyway, & besides, any excuse to cast Jeremy Irons is fine with me. And despite being a het guy, I stand in solidarity with you over the (relative) lack of male nudity, because we’re all in this together, right? And OMG, there was so much delicious female nudity in that show that it’d be churlish of me to begrudge male nekkidness to those who prefer it.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            It just seems grossly unfair that the ladies never get to see any male dangly bits, but the hetero guys get SO MUCH!

          • Frank Underboob

            I hear you. OTOH, they haven’t shown any labia either.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Legally, that would make it porn, and Showtime and HBO shy away from that. Can’t show buttholes either. Long ago you couldn’t show urination, but “Shogun” did away with that taboo, although without a wide-angle shot. When I was young you couldn’t depict animals mating, but PBS does it all the time now.

          • Frank Underboob

            Good point – I hadn’t thought of that. Now that you mention it, that’d explain the erect dong dearth.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I kept waiting for The Discover Channel’s “How It’s Made” series to show how condoms are made, but they never did.

          • Frank Underboob

            Different show, but this is how they’re made:
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4EmLvzmTHA

          • James Christopher Owen

            Hah! Try Klingaman’s The First Century. The English and the French were pikers compared to the Romans.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I just finished Vanessa Collingridge’s “Boudicca” and you are right, the Romans were dangerous dudes. But the Germanic tribes gave back as good as they got.

      • laineypc

        A warty flaccid penis one season, chopped off penis and balls and maybe some bare male buns here and there? What did I miss?

        • Frank Underboob

          I’m pretty sure that I’ve seen more dicks than that over the whole run of GoT, although I admit that I haven’t been watching out for them.

    • laineypc

      Well yes, I fully agree. But now and again you’ll see a nice package in form-fitting trousers and it’s really quite delicious. I would hope that Evan could round up a few of those images for us once in a while. He seems to have gotten the boob beat lately, for some reason.

  • Dinz6315

    I think she was turned on. There, I said it.

    • Serai 1

      Well, yeah. Kinda goes without saying that anytime a wingnut starts screaming about sex, it’s because they can’t stop obsessing on what they’re screaming about.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    My goodness! She certainly seems to spend a lot of time looking as scantily clad women.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Well, sure. We all do. Her problem is she stares and then shrieks that she is looking.
      Girl needs herself a private browser.

      • vivian

        “If thine eye offend thee, pluck it out.”

      • Serai 1

        Girl needs herself a good vibrator, is what she needs.

        • Isn’t she still married to that ‘disabled’ husband of hers?

          • kareemachan

            Well, if he’s “disabled” maybe she should plug him back in…..

          • Someone has to drive the kids to and fro, and it ain’t going to be Notre-Dame des Flingers Merde.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        Speak for yourself. I don’t spend any time looking a scantily clad women. Today though, I did almost wreck my car gawking at a group of construction workers. I’m not kidding. They were roofers. No shirts on.

  • D_C_Wilson

    Here’s my long distance dediction for Ms. Malkin.

    https://youtu.be/uVm9NWHOSVI

  • vivian

    Emily Litella without the charm.

    • Serai 1

      Or the open-mindedness.

      • Gregory Brown

        Or the perspicacity.

        • Jena-Auerstedt

          Or the perspicuousness.

          • Gregory Brown

            And to prick the balloon of the rodomantade.

        • hvdv

          Perspi-whuh? Are you an experimental journalist?

          • Gregory Brown

            I are a editor by trade. It was my job to know everything, or damn close to it. My job was to help reporters say what they were trying to say, to un-ass their prose, and to save them from their ignorance.

          • hvdv

            Sorry–I was trying to make a funny. Can I steal the wondrous verb “un-ass?”

          • Gregory Brown

            No apology necessary. And of course you can steal un-ass. I stole it from my editor.

    • BMW

      “Nevermind.”

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    Has anyone ever seen Malkin and Coulter in the same room at the same time? And if you did, do your eyes still burn?

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      No Jerry! Don’t cross the streams!

    • phoenix00

      Double

      Not to mention brain dissolves into acid, ears explode, etc

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Thanks to the magic of Google, I have also now seen all those boobs. I love living in the future.

    • Annie Towne

      I mean, at least she could have included links in her rant.

  • Vegan and Tiara

    “Apparently, you haven’t made it in the fashion world until you’ve displayed more on the catwalk than on a gynecological exam table.”
    Is Malkin channeling Andrea Peyser these days? This ginned up outrage has all the hallmarks of the infamous “Peyser scold.” Why these fucknuts never thinking of just turning the channel is a bit of a mystery.

  • Aquaria

    Michele, do what the rest of us do when we’re offended at seeing a boob like you online or in a magazine or on TV:

    Surf to a new webpage, toss the magazine in the garbage, change the channel or turn off the computer or TV.

    Honestly, it’s not that difficult to avoid boobs like you.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      See my reply below yours! I truly don’t understand why these fuckwits don’t just change the channel. It’s not hard to do Ms. Malkin.

  • Beulah

    LOL. I can’t look at that video without thinking of TBogg and his regular refrain of “gravity challenged”.

  • J.Bo

    Titties are awesome!

    (that’s all I got)

  • Sitkajo

    What about man boobs? Did she mention seeing any of those?

    • Lee Hillhouse

      Moobs.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      You would think that working for Fox News as she does, she would almost certainly see Roger Ailes’ pendulous moobies on a regular basis.

  • Dolmance

    Oh, no, we better give more tax breaks to billionaires quick!

  • Dolmance

    I won’t say it… I won’t… Must not… Won’t…

    Ahh… Ahhh… Ahhh… PING PONG BALLS, PING PONG BALLS, PING PONG BALLS!!!

    I’d like to apologize for the above comment. It was disgusting and I’m sorry.

  • hvdv

    “Apparently, you haven’t made it in the fashion world until you’ve displayed more on the catwalk than on a gynecological exam table.”

    Am I the only one who missed all the salacious cervix pics?

  • Jack Taylor

    this little munchkin obviously not aware that this is a free country and women are allowed to dress anyway they want. Even those who like to flash when they get a chance (perfectly fine with me). Maybe she has little titties and don’t like seeing spectacular ones.

  • At the corner, turn left

    Has she ever been outraged about not being white? Or not being a man?

  • What is her Disney villain name again? Screechella Fuckface? Munchkinezia Pom Pom?

  • Rickyphoo

    I think someone’s flying her Jealous flag…

  • ltmcdies

    hint, Michelle…..I actually have not seen this “booby eruption” of which you speak but then…I don’t have cable or click on articles about red carpets, etc.
    so, Michelle, you too can avoid this booby assault on your eyes and senses by simply not going to look for them…if you know what I mean.

    god, conservatives…dumber than a sack of hammers.

    • Teto85

      Really. Where are these boobies of which she speaks? I need to start watching awards shows. Or least the red carpet previews.

      • Julianna Moore did an impromptu striptease at last year’s SAG, but they cut it out for the West Coast feed.

  • duckshoe

    Amal Clooney was probably criticized as overdressed by the French press.

  • Teto85

    Does Ms Malkin still do those tricks with ping pong balls and cigarettes?

    • GEMoore

      I know about the ping pong balls, Teto, but what is this alarming business about cigarettes? Is this an appropriate place to describe this phenomenon, and could it cause lung cancer in one’s lady parts?

      • Teto85

        I will not discuss this any further in this family friendly forum but suffice it to say that Ms Malkin no longer does such things. In public.

  • GEMoore

    Click-bait free-fall will take you into some tough neighborhoods, Michelle. Boobs and bottoms and many other horrors await you.

  • Greg Comlish

    She has something against pendulous boobery? Any amount of boobery is going to be inherently pendulous. Pendulousity is a mark of quality boobs.

    • snark-lurker

      Oh!…My!…Lorde!

  • Iam Reading

    Shit. I forgot about her in all of her awfulness. Also, too, she is mean and bad and should feel bad.

  • JohnBull

    Good God! Lorde is only 19?

    • berkeleyfarm

      It’s true!

      Michelle’s 45, so this is looking like Mirror, Mirror to me. OMG 19 year old wears revealing dress to a gala event! Shocked, shocked I tell you!

  • Constantine

    Pendulous Boobery is the name of my new Prince cover band.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Bouncing Boobery would attract more customers. Or maybe Bodacious Boobery. “Pendulous” makes people think of National Geographic photos.

      • Lamashtar

        And that reminds me of some photos I saw once of a Western civilization lady who found some African ladies were curious about why she covered up her boobies. So the Western lady took off her shirt and bra so they could all compare boobies. Then they giggled and hugged. Its a ridiculously cute series of pictures.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          There was an excellent BBC series a few years ago called “Tribal Wives.” British woman spends 1 month living as a “native” with “primitive” tribes in various places around the world. The tribal women were all lovely – embraced these white women like sisters and daughters. Much giggling and hugging, and tears at the end. You can find the episodes on YouTube.

  • Lamashtar

    ~Do your boobs hang low,
    Do they wobble to and fro,
    Can you tie them in a knot,
    Can you tie them in a bow?
    Can you throw ’em over your shoulder like a Continental soldier?
    Do your boobs hang low?

    Do your boobs hang high?
    Do they reach up to the sky?
    Do they wrinkle when they’re wet?
    Do they straighten when they’re dry?
    Can you wave them at your neighbor
    With an element of flavor?
    Do your boobs hang high?~

  • James Christopher Owen

    That was some serious purple prose. If she’d parcel it up into individual sentences, she’d be a guaranteed Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Winner for life.

    In other news, since we lack 11% unemployment, bursting housing bubbles with ensuing market collapses, thousands of Americans dying in wars based on outright lies…I guess this is about all there is to bitch about.

  • Boojum

    Three words: **** **** *****

  • PoppaCharlie

    Odd noises coming from one whose oral orifice appears to have been engineered to deliver optimal non-verbal pleasure.

  • Rebecca Gardner

    Everyone that complains about me breast feeding in public needs to STFU! It’s perfectly natural and creates a special bond between me and my cat.

  • bardgal

    Apparently Michelle is angry that menopause has visited her early.

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