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Michelle’s reaction to boobs.

Rarely is the question asked, “Wonder what Michelle Malkin is angry about today?” Because it’s always SOMETHING. The last time your Wonket saw fit to acknowledge her existence was over a year ago, when she was punching her fists into her keyboard, on Twitter, about how conservatives were being silenced by Twitter. That was fun.

But now, Malkin has a new target for her ire, and it is boobies. Side-boobies, under-boobies, front-boobies, and all the other boobies. She took to esteemed journalism website TownHall to share her thoughts:

boobery

ENOUGH! PENDULOUS! BOOBERY!

From runways to red carpets to Instagram and Snapchat, celebrity overexposure is inescapable. We’re drowning in underboob. Bombarded with sideboob. Nip slips. Crotch slips. Bare-bottom flashes. All of the above, all at once.

The problem, my fellow Americans, is not that we live in an age of wardrobe malfunctions. It’s that we live in an age of dignity malfunctions.

The short version is that Michelle Malkin keeps seeing ta-tas on her TV, and it makes her mad. The long version is here are some examples of those ta-tas:

Billboard Music Awards hostess Ciara scored headlines for challenging gravity in a sliver of silver silk that some called a “dress.” (These get-ups should really be called un-dresses.) Fans cooed over the singer’s “major sideboob” as she let her lady parts hang low, swinging to and fro.

Supermodel sisters Gigi and Bella Hadid each make a living un-wearing flimsy attire — maintaining perfect duck lips and icy stares while the public gawks at their gratuitously revealed flesh and perfect bone structure. Apparently, you haven’t made it in the fashion world until you’ve displayed more on the catwalk than on a gynecological exam table.

Nineteen-year-old pop star Lorde slouched up the steps at the Met Gala earlier this month in a ton of pink tulle from the waist down — but with practically nothing on top to contain her braless upper self.

You might be thinking, “Those are probably most of the boobies Michelle Malkin has gotten angry about lately,” but you’d be wrong. She also saw Madonna’s boobies, and the boobies of an actress named Chloe Grace Moretz, and you know who else is a whore? That highly esteemed human rights lawyer Amal Alamuddin Clooney, who is married to George Clooney. Did you know she is a common haver of tits, which Michelle Malkin saw recently?

[T]here’s the glamorous 30-something Amal Clooney, who prides herself on her Oxford degree and law pedigree. She took to the Cannes Film Festival last week in a billowy, meringue Atelier Versace number that kept flying open like a cheap bathrobe. Poor Lemony Half-Nekkit spent the whole time nervously tugging on uncooperative strips of chiffon as her skinny thighs and netherparts quivered in the wind.

Cool story, bro.

Michelle’s point, and she does have one, is that all you dirty hoor ladies think you are feminists, with your funbags flying in the wind, but you are not, because you obviously have no self respect. She actually typed this sentence:

Extreme boobery is not a triumph of feminism.

Know what IS a triumph of feminism? No, not that strumpet Michelle Obama, who wore a ball gown to a state dinner. THIS is a triumph of feminism:

Michelle rests her case.

[TownHall]

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