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The Yoogest Story Ever Told
Nope.
One of the best things about this stupid Republican primary has been Donald J. Trump the New York Values thrice-marryer trying to convince wingnut Christians he’s actually one of them. He LOVES going to church and partaking of the wine and the Jesus crackers, it’s his favorite! He wanted to say his favorite Bible verse to Sarah Palin, but it was way too personal and he couldn’t bring himself to share it. But then he found a Bible verse that was just terrific, from the book of Proverbs, where it says “Never bend to envy.” Trump wouldn’t want anybody envying his massive wealth, would he? Of course, that’s not even in the Bible, but fuck it.

Oh, but then he went to Liberty University and told everybody his favorite Bible verse was from TWO CORINTHIANS, man, fuckin’ TWO CORINTHIANS is tremendous.

But turns out Tony Perkins chose that fave Bible verse for him, so it’s time for a new one. Radio host Bob Lonsberry asked Trump for his favorite Bible verse, and he replied:

Well, I think many. I mean, when we get into the Bible, I think many, so many. And some people, look, an eye for an eye, you can almost say that. That’s not a particularly nice thing. But you know, if you look at what’s happening to our country, I mean, when you see what’s going on with our country, how people are taking advantage of us, and how they scoff at us and laugh at us. And they laugh at our face, and they’re taking our jobs, they’re taking our money, they’re taking the health of our country. And we have to be firm and have to be very strong. And we can learn a lot from the Bible, that I can tell you.

Thanks Obama. Your White House Correspondents Dinner funtimes has made Donald Trump want to murder THE WHOLE WORLD.

OK, we know that Trump has a revenge thing going on, what with how he wants to deport all the Muslims, kill terrorists’ families, “bomb the shit out of ISIS” and build a giant Mexican wall, yadda yadda.

So we believe he probably really thinks the following passage is TERRIFIC:

But if there is serious injury, you are to take life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, bruise for bruise. [Exodus 21: 23-25]

That would explain Trump’s rallies.

We are worried, though, as to how he would further put this passage into practice. If he believes Mexico is sending rapists to America, will he send rapists to Mexico? Just asking.

But goddammit, Donald Trump, you boisterous fuck-polyp, can we discuss Jesus for a minute? Because way many more pages into the Bible, after God schlongs Mary and makes a savior, Jesus is teaching his disciples, and he KIND OF throws shade at all that shit:

You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. [Matthew 5:38-42]

Jesus is splaining that the whole “eye for an eye” thing is actually not the best way to do life! He’s saying give to people who are needy, WITH YOUR OWN MONEY AND NOT JUST WITH ROUNDS OF GOLF. Who is this Jesus character anyway, and has he even read The Art Of The Deal?

Donald Trump, we are going to level with you. You would, in fact, HATE Jesus. He says, “Blessed are the meek” instead of “Blessed are the YOOOOOOOGE.” He wants us to be kind to foreigns, instead of deporting them. His full Sermon On The Mount was not about Making Galilee Great Again, and he didn’t even deliver it from the Mar-a-Lago!

All that being said, Donald Trump, you fucking need Jesus.

[Buzzfeed]

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  • Oblios_Cap

    I’m sure that Matthew 19:24 is his favoritist verse.

    • Tallmutha

      My favorite verse is the where some guy ties his ass to a tree and walks ten miles (or cubits or whatever). It’s in there somewhere.

  • Pinkham’s Law

    When Wonkette is evangelizing Jesus at you, you seriously need an ethics check.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    Not sure if it’s in the Bible, but “boisterous fuck-polyp” is my new favorite verse.

    • Hutch

      Check the Concordia for “rambunctious begat-polyp.”

  • Zippy

    More fundies cherry picking which part of the OT still counts

    • AntiDerpomeme

      It’s even more repulsive where Drumpf is involved, because you know he’s cynically picking whatever he thinks will play best to the thumpers, without believing or understanding any of it.

      • HogeyeGrex

        Pretty sure Trump and the Trumpnuggets don’t understand that “An eye for an eye” was suposed to be an upper limit rather than a minimum.

        From teh wiki:

        In the Code of Hammurabi and Hebrew Law, the “eye for eye” was to restrict compensation to the value of the loss. Thus, it might be better read ‘only one eye for one eye’. The biblical phrase “an eye for an eye” in Exodus and Leviticus (עין תחת עין, ayin tachat ayin) literally means ‘an eye in place of an eye’ while a slightly different phrase (עַיִן בְּעַיִן שֵׁן בְּשֵׁן, literally “eye for an eye; tooth for a tooth”) is used another passage (in Deuteronomy) of the Hebrew Bible, specifically, in the first of its three subdivisions, the Torah. For example, a passage in Leviticus states, “And a man who injures his countryman — as he has done, so it shall be done to him [namely,] fracture for fracture, eye for eye, tooth for tooth. Just as he has injured a person, so it shall be done to him.” (Lev. 24:19–21)

  • Oblios_Cap

    Pretty much sums up all of the Republican candidates:

    “They speak falsehood to one another; With flattering lips and with a double heart they speak.” Psalm 12:2

  • TheBidenator

    Trump reads the gospel of supply side Jesus: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-arFM36J9c
    Blessed are the investors for they are YOOGE in all things.
    – 2 Corinthians

    • PubOption

      But when a project goeth bankrupt, they shall be parted form their money.

  • goonemeritus

    I don’t think Trump would ever stop at an eye.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      cite, please?

  • beavertank

    Holy crap, it’s… it’s… it’s ALL OF THEM, KATIE!

    HNNNNGGGG!!!!

    …and I’m spent.

  • dslindc

    Of course Drumpf prefers vengeful Old Testament verses. Really just the meanest. The worst. SAD!

  • Mpeg

    Sheesh.. Trumpf probably doesn’t even know when Jesus’ BIRTHDAY is.

    • Look Closer

      It’s not Easter?

      • Zippy

        that’s when the rabbit died for Ivanka’s sins, confirming she was pregnant

  • Look Closer

    I think the Donald is fucked!

    “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.”
    Mark 10:25

    • Latverian Diplomat

      There are certain “theologians” who claim that the “eye of the needle” was a nickname for a small gate of Jerusalem that a camel could make it through, but with difficulty. The evidence for this contention is precisely zero, but it helps keep the larger donations coming in.

    • Zippy

      But Drumpf’s short fingers will fit through the eye of a needle

      • Look Closer

        Or other appendage.

    • limberrat

      Matthew 19:21
      Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your
      possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven.
      Then come, follow me.”

      • Skadi

        “But when the young man heard this command, he went away grieving; for he was one who owned much property.”

        • thenearesthippie

          And the grieving young man said “This Jesus guy is worthless. Just terrible.”

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            Very low energy. Very low. Really, it’s sad.

          • HobbesEvilTwin

            please clap

  • Latverian Diplomat

    To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:


    A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together and build a yooge wall; a time to punch a protester, and a time to refrain from punching;

    Ecclesiastes 3:1,5
    (Revised Drumpf Translation).

  • Zippy

    OT kill me now. The Sanders and Clinton campaigns are now arguing about who is more butthurt, Sanders and all blah people everywhere because of Hillz and DeBlasio’s dumb CP skit last week- or team HRC because some idiot doctor used the word ‘whore’ during his lets bash Hillary speech last night at a Sanders rally. Jesus H Christ, GROW THE FUCK UP- BOTH OF YOU!. Find something important to be outraged about or STFU

    • Callyson

      Fuck, I am tired of the primary drama on our side. Stop it, both of you!

      • HogeyeGrex

        Look on the bright side. Can you imagine being a Republican and trying to find someone to root for this year?

    • thenearesthippie

      Presidential campaigns are too fucking long.

    • mailman27

      Too fucking true.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      It’s the only way they can gin up any drama. How do you fire up the troops with, “I think my opponent is an excellent person who would make a great president.”?

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Suggested reading for The Hair would include Matthew 5 – 7. Particular attention should be paid, perhaps to 5:7, “Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth,” and
    6:19-21,

    19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

    • Aquaria

      Make sure no one lets him see this:

      Matthew 22:13 “Bind him hand and foot and cast him into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”

  • Rock Drummer

    Jesus and trump go together like Ben Gay and hand jobs………

    • Look Closer

      Ouch!

    • Zippy

      Craig Mazin, is that you?

    • BigBoppa

      Is that a Denny Hastert quote?

    • Aquaria

      Considering how much both of them love torture, they actually do go together very well.

  • TheBidenator

    Look, everybody knows I’m the best Christian. Everyone. I didn’t come up with this. People tell me things. An eye for eye. Look at our country- our trade policies are a disaster. Obamacare is a disaster. Our regulations, we don’t create jobs anymore. People don’t make money because minimum wage. I have the best people and we’re going to make America great again. We start by building the wall and making Mexico pay for it. Build the wall, look I’ll get payment out of them! Then we’re going to beat China and Japan. Trust me folks, we’re going to win so much it will make your head spin. I’m the best Christian, you can learn so much from the bible like that it has a pretty cover and when you open it there are words inside! Terrific, just terrific this book is. I’m the best Christian. The best.

    • Look Closer

      My, you mimic him so well!

      • Hutch

        I think TheBidenator goes into a trance and actually channels Trump. You know, like JZ and Ramtha!

        • Look Closer

          I agree. He does the very best Trump impression!

        • wurman

          Insert Yelm joke!

          • Hutch

            Fir trees and mima mounds, baby!

    • PUAAN

      I’ve told you before, be CAREFUL!!!

      You never know, you might get stuck like that!

    • Whale Chowder

      It isn’t satire when you quote him verbatim.

  • Tallmutha

    I bet he does like the part about how if anyone sues you for your shirt you should hand over your coat as well. He’d be glad to take your coat.

  • Look Closer

    “Come now, you rich, weep and howl for the miseries that are coming upon you. Your riches have rotted and your garments are moth-eaten. Your gold and silver have corroded, and their corrosion will be evidence against you and will eat your flesh like fire. You have laid up treasure in the last days. Behold, the wages of the laborers who mowed your fields, which you kept back by fraud, are crying out against you, and the cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord of hosts. You have lived on the earth in luxury and in self-indulgence. You have fattened your hearts in a day of slaughter. …”

    James 5:1-6

  • Callyson

    “Oh, for fuck’s sake.”

    – God

    • Look Closer

      And Jesus said…

  • Skadi

    I also want you to think about how this keeps your significance from getting blown up into self-importance. For no matter how significant you are, it is only because of what you are a part of. An enormous eye or a gigantic hand wouldn’t be a body, but a monster. What we have is one body with many parts, each its proper size and in its proper place. No part is important on its own. Can you imagine Eye telling Hand, “Get lost; I don’t need you”? Or, Head telling Foot, “You’re fired; your job has been phased out”?

    –One, er, First Corinthians 12

  • JustPixelz

    Trump is the biggest* Christian** of all the candidates.
    __________________________________
    * by weight, not volumes
    ** American Christian, not actual Christian

    • BigBoppa

      Some settling may occur during transport

    • PubOption

      But Trump’s speeches are all volume and no weight.

  • Callyson

    And come to think of it, I think I’ll pick this one:

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      That’s it. The wall just got ten feet higher.

  • Jesus would be crucified all over again if He showed up and started preaching in America.

    • Blackest Noobs

      ha, nah, we would gun him down like other brown skinned peeps without a second thought….white dude with gun who shot Jesus….”wait that was Jesus? but i thought he was a white guy?”

    • SDGeoff

      “If Jebus had a gun, he’d be alive today.” -Homer Simpson

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Jesus might pick off some of Bernie’s delegates but he’d get killed in the general.

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Should have posted this on Sunday, Evan. It looks like the commentariat is getting a pretty good sermon on down here. Amazing how much Bibble a bunch of Atheists and Agnostics – and a few Believers, I suppose – can throw down at the drop of a hat!

    • Zippy

      at the drop of a miter

      FIFY

  • Zippy

    You just know he owns a golden calf…

    • Look Closer

      I’m sure it’s in here somewhere…

    • Pinkham’s Law

      “A”? Whole damn herd!

      • WhyFelicia

        Best, classiest, yoogest golden calf-it’s pure gold! It’s very heavy, you can’t lift it, can’t lift it, because it’s gold through-and-through. Shiny, so shiny I can see my reflection in it. Great reflection, great one, best in the world.

  • say wha

    Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.
    Luke 23:24

  • chimichanga

    Loves Gee-bus. Hates Hay-zoos.

    • Skadi

      Which is why it was so hilarious that Trump decide to burnish his religious credentials back in January by attending church, and ended up sitting through a sermon about the importance of welcoming immigrants.

      • Pinkham’s Law

        I wonder if that matched what the bulletin said the sermon was going to be on. Just, ya know, wondering.

        • Skadi

          It was a mainline Presbyterian church, meaning the gospel reading for the day and the topic of the sermon were determined by the liturgical calendar. If he’d walked into any mainline church–Presbyterian, Lutheran, UCC, you name it–he’d have still heard a sermon on the subject of “bringing good news to the poor” and “letting the oppressed go free” and “proclaiming the year of Jubilee”.

          As Slacktivist put it, “The delightful thing here is that Trump wandered into the message of this service almost at random.”

          • Pinkham’s Law

            As they say, “God works in mysterious ways, his wonders to perform.*”

            *author unknown

          • SDGeoff

            Yeah. They use that one to weasel out of a lot of shit.

          • Skadi

            In this case, though, “mysterious ways” led to Donald Trump having to sit through a gospel reading he afterwards complained was chosen to mock him (Note: the service also including that reading from ‘One Corinthians’ – “Can you imagine Eye telling Hand, ‘Get lost; I don’t need you’? Or, Head telling Foot, ‘You’re fired; your job has been phased out’?”) so maybe there was something to it just this once? ;0-)

          • Skadi

            Author: William Cowper, better known (in modern times at least) for rather terrifying poetry about his struggle with depression.

            http://cyberhymnal.org/htm/g/m/gmovesmw.htm

  • timpundit

    “The Lion and the Lamb shall lie down together, but the lamb is not gonna get any rest.”

    DeuterScooter 3:14, aisle 7, seat 4B, Mezzanine

    • BigBoppa

      “The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway”
      ~Gennesis

      • The Wanderer

        “The lamb will lie down with the lion, resulting in woolly lion cubs a few months later.”

    • thenearesthippie

      Obstructed view?

  • Ryan Denniston

    Jesus did forget to make explicit the important exception on offering the other cheek when it is a spoetsball coach who slaps you.

    • Barley_Brains

      Coach Hastert? My, how you’ve changed.

  • Barley_Brains

    I’m in a brewpub right now with exactly one other patron. He is at the bar explaining to the nice lady who has to be nice to him about how smart Trump is and how he will save ‘Murica. Oy vey!

    • Look Closer

      Drink!

    • Zippy

      Roofie time….

      (with votes)

      • Barley_Brains

        His boisterous machine gun laugh suggests he has taken all the roofies.

    • timpundit

      Bet ya he doesn’t tip her, either.

    • WhyFelicia

      Can you ask him to read the above quote from the radio show and explain the genius behind it?

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Start asking for details of how he’s going to do it!

      • beingreleased

        By making America great again, obviously.

      • laineypc

        Irrelevant! All the people need to know is that he will be a good authoritarian xenophobe and he will get it done.

    • Indiepalin

      If you had any guts, you’d walk right over to him and dump a locally brewed IPA on his head.

      • Zippy

        No, that’s what the Bud Lite is for. Don’t waste the good stuff on a Trumpanzee

        • Indiepalin

          That’s what I’m saying.

      • Barley_Brains

        Too late. I already drank it. Now enjoying a grapefruit gose.

    • TheBidenator

      Go up to him and say “look, I see Trump outside!” and then when he stupidly heads out the door to look have the bartender lady lock him out….that’ll learn ‘im.

      • Barley_Brains

        I took the lazy libtard way and settled my tab, tipped the barkeep a bit extra and got on my bike and peddled home enjoying the warm sunshine on a beautiful spring day.

  • WhyFelicia

    Boisterous fuck-polyp. #givethemanapeabody

    • Look Closer

      Evan’s on fire today!

    • mailman27

      The man-ape would need a body.

  • Scooby

    I think he is just saying he wants to poke Harry Reid’s other eye out.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Donald Trump doesn’t need Jesus — religion in general has never improved anyone who needed it — only made them more smug and steadfastly self-righteous.

    • Skadi

      As Gandhi said, “Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”

      • Scooby

        He also said “an eye for an eye only leaves the whole world blind”

  • YoBunnyBunny

    Wow. My gob is smacked at how perfect a Word Salad Generator Trump has under that hair weasel of his… Just straight gibberish… Amazing…

    • TheBidenator

      I think he’s like a pinball machine and has someone hit him with a pipe wrench until his eyes says “TILT” and then they know he’s ready to share his wisdom.

    • The Wanderer

      “Now who can argue with that?”

    • HobbesEvilTwin

      I think the Bidenator writes Drumpf’s speeches and this is all an elaborate performance art piece.

      • NellCote71

        I have thought all along that this whole mess was performance art, the RNC tiring to prove that “we do too have a sense of humor?”

  • TheGrandWaz00

    Trump still thinks the Sermon on the Mount was telling Melania what was expected of her on their honeymoon.

    • Look Closer

      Applause!

    • Zippy

      not much of a tower, Trump. I guess the fingers don’t lie…

  • WhyFelicia

    I don’t have speakers at work, so I can’t listen to Trump’s 7th grade-level evasion of the actual question being asked, but does the good pastor let him get away with it?

  • RoyalUglyDude

    “Jesus crackers” is not the preferred nomenclature. They prefer to be called “values voters.”

    • Blank Ron

      <golf clap>

  • Logic of Color

    That’s not even in the bible. Butt fuck it.

    Woah, a little harsh

    • nmmagyar

      Leviticus has a lot about buttfucking. There’s some in Paul also, too

  • Msmlg1979

    If he panders any harder, he’s gonna be wearing some mouth-breathing Bubba’s prostate as a nose ring.

    • weejee

      The Great White Panda?

      • NellCote71

        Finally. Something that mop looks cute on.

  • weejee

    “bomb the shit out of ISIS”

    Isn’t that in Two Corinthians Two Corndogs?

  • OneYieldRegular

    Asked later to identify his favorite American poem, Trump responded that he liked that one about good fences making good neighbors by whoever it was.

    • Skadi

      ” …I see him there
      Bringing a stone grasped firmly by the top
      In each hand, like an old-stone savage armed.
      He moves in darkness as it seems to me,
      Not of woods only and the shade of trees.
      He will not go behind his father’s saying.”

      • Hutch

        Curfew shall not ring tonight!

        (Oops, wrong poem.)

        • bozilingus

          Corfu? Better check your Univac.

          • Hutch

            “Desk Set” upvote!!!

    • Zippy

      Roses are red…

    • bozilingus

      “Poems are made by fools like thee,
      But only I can make a huge, ugly fucking wall,
      And I will make Mexico pay for it.”

    • Shibusa

      There once was a man from Nantucket…

      • Dudleydidwrong

        Or a hermit named Dave

        • Hutch

          Or a man from Madras…

          • The Wanderer

            Or a young nympho named Alice.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Trump was going to have a come-to-Jesus meeting. But then he heard there wasn’t going to be catering.

    • bozilingus

      No, Trump would have Jesus come to him. Along with Emilio, Pablo and Juan.

  • Mavenmaven

    His next quote will be from the book of revelations. Especially if he wins.

    • Skadi

      If we see Trump followers getting his name tattooed on their foreheads or hands, at least we’ll know where we’re at.

    • E K Wallace

      I think if he wins, we’ll skip quoting it and go right to full-on LARPing it.

    • PubOption

      The fifth horseman rode a classy golden horse…

  • TheBidenator

    Trump speaking reminds me of a lazy student who’s been asked to give an oral report on assigned work and only knows the fucking book title and the first line in the book then gropes for the rest. Beautiful. Wonderful. Just so wonderful. Strong and healthy like his hair.

  • The Wanderer

    “Boisterous fuck-polyp?”
    You’re in very good form today, Evan.

  • TheBidenator

    Sarah Palin wishes she had Trumps chops at delivering gibberish non-sequitors, no wonder she endorsed him. She felt the presence of the master…and she wants him to schlong her.

    • NellCote71

      And eat pizza together with forks.

  • BearGHAZI

    God damn it man, can you not take the 5 MINUTES required to become passingly familiar with one motherfucking bibble verse in order to impress the rubes? Jesus motherfucking christ

    • Look Closer

      He only reads Twitter.

      • Blank Ron

        Or at least has people read it to him. Okay, summarise it.

        • Look Closer

          I can see it now. Head sits back in the chair, closes eyes and says “sum it up so it makes sense to me.”

          • Notreelyhelping

            Twitter: the Executive Summary

          • Land Shark

            in 140 characters or less.

    • jmk

      If I could have one wish, it would be that he would take that 5 minutes before his next Holy Roller sales pitch to memorize some Bible quotes, but that the edition from which he quotes would be the LOLCats translation.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I canz haz JEebus?

        • jmk

          He wouldn’t know the difference.
          “1 Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem. 2 Da Urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz. 3 At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz. 4 An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin. 5 An Ceiling Cat sayed light Day An dark no Day. It were FURST!!!1!”

  • TheGrandWaz00

    Trump’s first encounter with turning the other cheek.
    http://i.imgur.com/N7N8ZzE.gif

    • nmmagyar

      Please tell me that isn’t real

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Evil person posting this.

      • TheGrandWaz00

        I take the nasty and vile in Nasty Vile Little Snark Mob very seriously.

        • Hutch

          Well, this is getting emailed to my Brain Trust, toot sweet.

    • The Wanderer

      The hell?

    • Shibusa

      Asstounding.

    • JoeChristmas

      Jesus approved.

    • bookish

      What is that thing?

      • SDGeoff

        Implants, my guess. Ewww.

    • NellCote71

      I have very vivid dreams. So thanks.

  • geoffalnutt

    I just pictured Jesus…out on the course – with one of those obscenely ridiculous golf-outfits (complete with jaunty hat)…hefting his 9-iron..and…never mind.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    So ISIL chops off heads, so we should do head chopping, etc?

    And then howare we better?

    • SnarkOff

      Because we chop off heads while sipping Starbuck’s and wearing J.Crew.

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        But even Muslims have turned against ISIL because of this behavior, so us doing it too means what?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      We do it for Jesus.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Obviously we need to replace this:
      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Army_Field_Manuals

      With the ISIS recruitment field manual.

  • witsended

    A Mexican, a Canadian and Donald Trump are on a golf course when they come across a lantern and a genie pops out and offers to grant them one wish each.

    The Canadian says: “I am a sheep farmer, like my dad before me. I want my country to be full of lovely sheep farms.” Whoosh, and so it was.

    Donald Trump was amazed and asked: “I want a wall around America to keep those damned Canadians and Mexicans out.” Bang, there was a wall all around America.

    The Mexican says: “Tell me more about this wall.”

    The genie says: “It’s 200 feet high, 100 feet thick, it goes all around America, and nothing can get in or out.”

    The Mexican says: “Fill it with water.”

    • Joe Beese

      Just for that joke, the wall is now going to be 10 feet higher.

      • Skadi

        …yet still filled with water.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      That’ll take care of Florida, but sadly, most of Texas is > 200 ft. in altitude.

      • Amy!

        But how tall is Trump Tower? And what’s the elevation of the bit of Manhattan it’s perched on (it’s in Manhattan, right?)?

  • Joe Beese

    Trump has Jesus, believe me. You’re going to get tired of how much Jesus he has.

    • Hutch

      I was tired at 2 Corinthians. Both of them.

  • Grizz1y

    The answer that the RWNJ/Christians are looking for is John 3:16, which they repeat ad nauseam, You can’t even enjoy watching a sportsball game with out some moran holding it up on a sign.

    • Skadi

      You notice none of them ever hold up Matthew 19:21, and definitely not Matthew 25:45.

      • Thorn Spike

        Or Matthew 7:1-5.

        • Skadi

          They’re certain that only applies to people with literal planks in their eyes, so they’re off the hook.

        • Land Shark

          Mattie, Mattie, Mattie …. you’re quite the peace lovin’ hippie, art thou!

  • Ruhe

    In the prosperity gospel Jesus is sort of a bit player:

    http://www.nytimes.com/2016/04/17/magazine/donald-trump-american-preacher.html?_r=0

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Nothing ruins Christianity quite like too much emphasis on Christ.

  • NoGoodnik

    I don’t think Drumpf would know Jesus even if he came begging at his door for some water, food, or shelter. In fact, Jesus probably has come begging to Drumpf before and been kicked to the curb and offered a round of golf instead.

    I’m telling you and me and the dog and anyone else who will listen, Drumpf is as surprised and shocked and dumbfounded that he has gotten this far in the primary. He’s now preparing his exit strategy: i was robbed!

    • bozilingus

      I still believe that all this has been an elaborate plan by Obama and Hillary to destroy the R party. 12th dimensional chess, my friends!

    • Skadi

      At least we can indulge our schadenfreude with imagining Trump getting “Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels.”

  • Jgb979

    Never understood how Christianity became the team of choice for those who hate all that it stands for.

    Can’t Republicans just switch to team Baal? I’m sure there are plenty of golden calfs to go around.

    • Blank Ron

      Too busy praying to Mammon.

    • Mintie

      There’s a great quote in Terry Pratchett’s Small Gods (can’t find the exact text) that basically says over time, a religion builds up to the point where the god itself is obscured by all the trappings, until, in essence, all the worshipers are paying homage to is the institution itself, and the god eventually fades away into nothingness.

      This sounds like a pretty fair assessment of what Christianity has become, in comparison to what Jesus allegedly originally said. No one cares about actually following the teachings of Christ anymore. They do just enough to make it look like they’re a Christian, because it’s image that counts.

      • yyyaz

        And this particular party started with Pelagius being branded as a heretic in 418 CE; decision upheld and confirmed by the Council of Ephesus, 431 CE. The “Church” had even by that early date become far more important as an hierarchical institution of power, influence peddling and an engine for accumulating wealth than a religion Jesus would have felt at home in.

      • PUAAN

        Small Gods is a great book.

      • PUAAN

        Now I have to find mine (books are all in boxes) and re-read it.

        Thanks, Obama.

      • bobbert

        Om libel. Well, not exactly. More like Thanks, Brutha.

    • Delu

      Mammon would make more sense.

      Why would they worship a God who is basically Thor with wind and rain?

      • Notreelyhelping

        With Mars as Veep? Oh right, we already had that.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      Which Lord of Kobol oversees cheeseburgers? That’s the deity for me!

    • Be Gin

      Blasphemy!

      Baal worshippers will be consumed in the churning bowels of….waitaminnit….someone just handed me this…it seems Baal, Mammon and Cthulhu have all been recognized by Liberty University as acceptable avatars of Jesus.

      …nevermind…

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Some of them already have, to the bull on Wall street.
      http://barthsnotes.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/wall-street-bull-prayer.jpg

  • SnarkTank

    …how they scoff at us and laugh at us. And they laugh at our face, and they’re taking our jobs…
    .
    Nonononono, Don…they’re not laughing at your face, they’re laughing at your hair!

    • The Wanderer

      Donny, remember: We’re not laughing AT you, we’re laughing NEAR you!

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        We’re laughing ABOUT you.

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          Also TOWARDS you

          • WhyFelicia

            I laugh in your general direction!

  • Thaumaturgist

    In the Christianist market, hating Jesus is a feature.

    • Be Gin

      That version comes with a gun, an NRA membership and free emergency roadside assistance.

  • JoeChristmas

    A schlong for a schlong.

  • JParkerSD46

    Congrats to Herr Drumph on his newly won title of Word Salad Champion of World, dethroning long-time title holder Sarah Palin. Well done, Champ.

    • Mintie

      Give her a few days and Our Sarah will be back on top!

      • Notreelyhelping

        That’s would be a battle royale, those two deciding who’s on top.

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      Fer reals. Top that, ye imitators! Lookin’ at you, Bidenator.

  • Shibusa
  • Ergoetal

    Butler:
    “Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth, nose for a nose, hand for a hand, ear for an ear, mouth for a mouth… is that enough, Mr. Trump?”

    “NO. Keep going. I want ’em all.”

    “Arm for an arm, hand for a hand, foot for a foot, leg for a leg, ball for a ball, other ball for the other ball, hair for a hair…”

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      Drumpf is really into the “hair for a hair” clause.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    My favorite, I Kings 19:12
    …And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice, and lo the voice said “Feel the Bern”

    I may have misremembered that last part.

    • Be Gin

      close enough…

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    Donald Trump kneed Jesus!!? What an asshole!

  • wurman

    Yes Jesus loves you. The rest of humanity is still working on it.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      idk, I know JC was all loving and what not, but I have to wonder if love is precisely the right word to use.
      Jesus doesn’t want to smite thee does not look good on a bumper sticker, however.

      • JustDon’tSayDittos

        How about “Jesus Think You’re a Jerk”?
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-79uI_u9Src

        • Jim Bakker and Pat Robertson are still with us, and Frank Zappa is not. :(

          • JustDon’tSayDittos

            The Universe can be a bitch sometimes.

      • WhyFelicia

        “Jesus probably isn’t going to smite thee, but only because He is good at taking a deep breath and counting to eleventy.”

  • Helena

    Clearly it was 2 Corinthians 8. But just that one sentence.

    • mardam422

      Actually, it was a baseball score. We just didn’t hear the rest. Corinthians 2, Thessalonians 1.

      • yyyaz

        Dammit!! I had 20 talents riding on those stupid Thessalonians! Schmucks.

      • The Wanderer

        Arsenal 3, Tottenham 1. Hooray.

  • Gregory Brown

    I really paid for that “go the extra mile” Jesus thing once when I was skiing with my buddy. End of the day, we’re tired. Our custom was that each of us could choose a trail to go down for the last two runs of the day. I go first. Trying to be cute, I named a mogul field, called “The Ledges” which ended up kicking my sorry ass all over the place, and left me totally exhausted, so, no more trying to be cute. Then it was Jim’s turn to name HIS trail. He gave me a look that gave me a baaaad feeling, and said, apparently having asked himself What Would Jesus Do (to a wiseass)? and came up with the answer: “The Ledges.” I did at least one yard sale on that run, maybe two, scattering skis, goggles, poles, all over the slope. Thanks, Jesus!

  • Paperless Tiger

    Trump may be our last chance to save the world. According to the liberal press, the Clintons have ruined all the countries, and no doubt Hillary will finish them off, including America. Trump has the advantage that he doesn’t know what the fuck is going on, so he probably won’t do shit.

  • mardam422

    All of them, Katie.

  • Cismontane

    OK, Trump may need Jesus. But shouldn’t we at least ask Jesus whether He wants anything whatsoever to do with Trump? I’m guessing not.

    • Skadi

      The last time he let a guy into the disciples who was allowed to handle money, it didn’t go too well.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    God didn’t say nuthin’ about snark for snark so I think we’re okay here.

  • chascates

    America may well get the President they deserve.

    • Delu

      Whoever they get is whoever they deserve.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      Batman!?

      • chascates

        The Joker is what they really deserve.

        • Dr. Krieger IRL

          In a way, Drumpf is the Rethug’s Joker.

          • chascates

            Or possibly America’s Lex Luther!

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            I’m unsure, Lex Luther is supposed to be smart, and I’m sure Drumpf’s EEG scan could be used as a straight edge.

          • Notreelyhelping

            Not that smart.

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            Nah. Joker would take other people’s money and burn it, much like a Bush campaign consultant. Trump is more like American Psycho, where he knows he can get away with anything, and nobody will stop him because he’s rich, with embossed business cards.

      • Be Gin

        No puny human…that’s the Hunk (o’ shit)

        • Dr. Krieger IRL

          Is that why he’s orange?

          • Be Gin

            It’s the syntax and the fist…puny human.

          • Dr. Krieger IRL

            I like the Lou Ferrigno Hulk best: Just growl and throw things.

  • Dr. Krieger IRL

    “Nail the gold up to the altar,
    Like Ahab taunts his crew to war.
    Blessed are the shareholders,
    Lack of faith is for the poor.
    Hold your wallets to the sky,
    A temple built to soothe yourself.
    Blessed is The Church who tries
    To help you build your blessed wealth.

    This house is burning, this poison still is swirling.
    This temple will cave in, there’s nothing here worth saving.”

  • anon_the_great

    Hey, when it come to being all Godly and shit the fascist yam is no better or worse at it than the average Xian.

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      He’s just more honest.

  • Notreelyhelping

    Know what I love about Jesus? Shaken, not stirred. That is fuckin’ suave.

  • nightmoth

    Evan, you just got a big “AMEN” from this corner of the vile snarking refugee hugging queer Wonketariat. Maybe even a holy dance.

  • Be Gin

    Since when do we do dueling bible verses?
    Then try this tidbit from the Acts Of The Apostles (KJV)

    “…[44] And all that believed were together, and had all things common;
    [45] And sold their possessions and goods, and parted them to all men, as every man had need.
    [46] And they, continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, did eat their meat with gladness and singleness of heart…”

    Nowadays we spell that c-o-m-m-u-n-i-s-m don’t we?

    • Blerg

      I love sharing that one with my “Christian” brothers and sisters, when they start parroting what they heard on Fox “News” about the evils of socialism.

  • Ranina

    I always wanted to be able to ask the Christianistas why they are so fond of quoting the OLD Testament (no mention of Jesus there), instead of the NEW one which features Christ being all progressive and socialistic. I guess I’ll never get the chance because I avoid them if at all possible, running if I see them coming.

    • Courser

      I used to want to say something about that when they used to knock on my door, but I’d forget and the first thing I said to them was, Yeah, no thank, you hate gays. And they’d be all like, NO, no, we don’t hate them, we just hate the sin. And then I’d tell them my brother is gay and I knew he was gay way back when he was a baby, so no thanks. I prefer to Love people as they are and not the way I think they should be. They stopped coming by. Huh.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Our tack is to answer the door and ask “Well, which peculiar 19th Century heresy are you here to peddle?” (We mostly get the Jehovah’s Witnesses knocking at the door.)

      • cat cafe

        I learned that the best way to deal when you accidentally open the door to a peddler of any sort is to start rambling on about your own problems. I can’t help you out, because ramble ramble ramble and then my teenage son did this and then that and oh my god, so awful and ramble ramble. They can’t get away fast enough.

    • Jeff Ackerman

      My last born male child is “unacceptable” in church according to the Old Testament, he has a lot of fun with his religious friends over this.

      • bobbert

        Strictly speaking, I think that means he cannot be teh Jewishes.

  • Left Coast Tom

    I mean, when we get into the Bible, I think many, so many.

    No wonder Sarah Palin likes him. He doesn’t speak English, either.

  • ThatGuy

    Also, Jesus can cradle all of us in His loving hands, while Trump can barely palm a Ferrero Rocher.

  • paul helssom

    For fuck’s sake, at least Hitler spoke in grammatically correct fully formed sentences.
    We are really scraping the bottom of the demagogue barrel, here. I wonder if that means we’re running out of them?

    • bobbert

      To be fair, it’s pretty hard to speak German without using grammatically correct sentences.

      • artem1s

        Giant blond, helmet haired Prussian professorinnen pummel you with Gutenberg bibles if you speak German without using grammatically correct sentences. At least that was my experience. Frau Doktor Doktor Boyd was scary.

    • kev

      i was wondering if the quitta from wasilla was ghost-writing his material.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Fuck-polyp. That’s good. I’m stealing that one. I’m going to use that one on my fundamentalist acquaintances who get hysterical every time they see a panhandler, ’cause they are absolutely positive said panhandler lives in a mansion and drives a BMW. It’s true, they heard it from somebody who heard it from somebody who heard it on Fox News.

    My #1 favorite quotation from the Bible is John 8:7 : “⁷So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.”

    I do so like the King James version – it’s like reading Shakespeare, except I actually understand it.

    • Marion in Savannah

      And the next words out of his mouth were “Mother, PLEASE put that down!”

      (Couldn’t help myself. I actually agree 100% with everything you said.)

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I can visualize my mother in your scenario, actually.

      • kev

        the way i heard it was: and an old woman picked up a mighty stone and crushed the woman’s head. whereupon Jesus said: you know mom, sometimes you piss me off.

  • danteardenz

    Wonkette is into the real Jesus…the New Covenant one,and conservatives are into the ” Judeo Christain ” fire brimstone ,tribal capitalist war monger version made obsolete by the passion .

    I’m not religious at all,just into the real deal.

    We can snicker at Trumps religious stumbling,but he is a realist not into it,forcing himself to pander up that absurd GOP base .

    That’s be frank ,in his situation ,your damned if you do ,and damned if you don’t !

    • Callyson

      Apparently, you’re also damned if you do use proper grammar. But thanks for playing, troll!

      And ShyPixel, I hope you’re having a pleasant evening. This one might be fun for tomorrow’s Deleted Commenters post. I say hi to Trix and Donna Rose!

    • Major_Major_Major

      Are you upvoting yourself? Yes, conservatives prefer fire and brimstone godheads, Drumpf prefers a Godhead with a tribble stapled on top.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Drumpf thinks he is a god, and will be worshipped accordingly. Apparently Dante here is an apostle of the church of the Billionaire.

  • The Witch of Endor

    Here I get a lot of “christians” who claim Jesus wasn’t Jewish so I ask if any of them remember what Christ said while on the cross. I usually get blank looks but with a little prodding on my part they come up with “God my God why hast thou forsaken me?” I ask if they know the chapter and verse but that’s usually a crap shoot so I get my KJV and start with Matthew 27:46 to confirm this is the quote they know. And then I show them the first sentence in Psalm 22. It always freaks ’em out or pisses them off, but it has the positive outcome that I’m left strictly alone. At least until the new batch of harassers start Freshman year at Regent University.

    • bobbert

      FWIW, I think I love you.

    • Odd Jørgensen

      Xtians not knowing jebus was a jewish is pretty telling about how much they really care about knowing anything.

    • danteardenz

      Christ was known as ” The Nazarene ” ,and formed the New Covenant .

      He said ,”You cannot put new wine in old skins “.

      The Sanhedrin surely thought he wasn’t ,” Better one man die than an entire nation “.
      Chief High Priest .

      Nobody belonging to a Synagogue I know thinks Christ was .
      That’s why they are Jewish ….” Thou shall have no other Gods but Yahweh “, and so what ?

      Funny how political correctness forces Christians and Jews to believe what neither want !

      • The Witch of Endor

        A holocaust denier trying to “school” me? Kindly take your twatwaffeling to someone who is brain-dead enough to buy into it. I bet your mama/sister would listen real good to ya.

      • Callyson

        Delusional Trumpanzee says what now?

        • anwisok aka Pinkham’s Law

          *pulls up chair, gets out popcorn*

          • Pickwicknext

            *Joins you.* Can I share? I can offer M&Ms…

          • anwisok aka Pinkham’s Law

            Of course! I brought some beer, also too.

          • Pickwicknext

            Thanks! I am still caffinating to stave off the withdrawl headache

          • Major_Major_Major

            Mmmm, chocolates and popcorn. That is heaven.

      • jwtukker

        Dante! Dammit get back in the basement!

        • Pickwicknext

          Or, possibly the 9th circle of hell?

      • Callyson

        Hi everyone! For those of you just joining us, this troll’s comment history is a hoot:

        Communism was a creation of International Bankers Rothschild’s ,Schiff’s, Lehman’s to take down nationalist Nations ,opposing them controlling their economies .

        Oh my Cruz the creep is so ” Conservative ” …get over the comic book Left /Right divide .

        Trump gets things done …this government ,and nation is to big for narrow definitions which divide ,and loose .

        Trumps big win in New York, will put him on top big time .

        Pennsylvania ,California and he is on his way .

        But the religious extremists ,and billionires will continue to harass Trump till the end …..he threatens their NWO agenda to severely .

        Ah, I needed that good laugh…

        • Pickwicknext

          Wow. That be some epic-level crazy

        • anwisok aka Pinkham’s Law

          I think you’re poking a driveby, though.

          • Callyson

            This troll has been here before, though. We’ll have to keep an eye out for him if he doesn’t get ban-hammered.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Definitely left some anti-cruz droppings as camo, out as a thrumper now.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Ewwww…it’s a Trumptrooper. DO NOT WANT in my doll closet after all.

          • jwtukker

            They tend to leak after a while and the smell is awful.

          • The Witch of Endor

            I thought I warned you….maybe not. Sorry to infinity. :)

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            that is ok. I just have a high standard for my potential playmates. It helps if they all look like Tru, Bamz, Nieto, or all three.

        • Percy Bitch Shelley

          When ever I see weird grammatical errors in stuff like this, I always imagine they came from the guy using a voice-to-text app. Then I re-read it in some celebrity’s voice. This guy is a Gary Busey for sure.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I woulda gone Beavis and or Butthead, but Busey is good.

          • Percy Bitch Shelley

            “hehe, hehe, Scripture.”
            “Hehe, hehe… Jews.”

            I can see it.

          • Pickwicknext

            Why not Mel Gibson?

          • Percy Bitch Shelley

            Mel Gibson is batshit, but he’s also eloquent. At least in my mind, I don’t know, I just watched Hamlet.

          • Pickwicknext

            Saw the theatrical simulcast of Cumberbatch as Hamlet from the National Theater. Much better and added bonus of no crazy ranting. So far…

          • Percy Bitch Shelley

            MISSED IT and it was showing in a couple places within driving distance of me. Is it streaming anywhere yet?!

          • Pickwicknext

            Don’t know. I’m still trying to find the Frankenstein he did with Johnny Lee Miller

          • Percy Bitch Shelley

            I heard that was so good.

          • Pickwicknext

            Me too. I found David Tennant and Catherine Tate’s Much Ado a while ago, loved it!

          • Percy Bitch Shelley

            WHAT?! HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS EXISTED?! LINK ME, LINK ME NOW.

            I also love how this turned into a huge Shakespeare thread.

          • Pickwicknext

            I “acquired this in a perfectly legal manner”

          • Percy Bitch Shelley

            Wink wink, nudge nudge, know what you mean.

          • Pickwicknext

            Say no more. Also, i got it a couple of years ago… so, no linky to share

          • Percy Bitch Shelley

            Boo! Side note: The Masterpiece Theater Macbeth with Patrick Stewart is free to stream if you have amazon prime.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            What kind of liberal are you????

          • Pickwicknext

            One who lives in smaller city and doesn’t always have good access to the culture I want?

          • Percy Bitch Shelley

            Poor one! Unemployed student is unemployed! If it ain’t on the shared Netflix, HBONOW or Amazon Prime, then I’m screwed.

          • The Witch of Endor

            Oh my ghod! Please tell me this is on Amazon Prime or Netflix. Otherwise I’m doomed. DOOMED I tells ya.

          • Percy Bitch Shelley

            Hold please I am looking

            Amazon: They have the soundtrack? Radio Adaptation? It’s $8

            this title broke canistream.it, just fyi…

            It’s a bust, friends, we’re all criminals now. All in the name of David Tennant wooing Catherine Tate.

          • jmhm

            I bought it for my whovian daughter, who highly recommends it.

            http://www.digitaltheatre.com/production/details/much-ado-about-nothing-tennant-tate/play

          • Percy Bitch Shelley

            OUR SAVIOR!!!

            Or is that saviour?

          • The Witch of Endor

            Thank you! Sadly, I can’t afford it right now. But it’s bookmarked and the family will be informed. Wow, just the Shakespeare productions alone look amazing.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Saw him do whichever one on the film he did back when I was a wippersnapper, and the nun kept commenting about how pretty his eyes were.
            Think it was Hamlet.

          • Percy Bitch Shelley

            Which one, Cumberbutt? ETA: That is an inside joke from facebook, but I’m keeping it.

          • Pickwicknext

            Sounds about right. None of us would ever be distracted by….squirrel!

          • The Witch of Endor

            Only when he has a script to memorize.

        • The Witch of Endor

          I was listening to this when you got here and I think it’s apropos:
          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3W6yf6c-FA&list=PLzcusG_s65_MUZIm79AGH_yioWrcRF85D&index=4

          • Juan de Fuca

            What was that song about anyway?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Who cares? Simon was so pretty <3
            Also, Rio girl was so pretty <3

          • Juan de Fuca

            Mrs. de Fuca still plays Duran Duran songs at our house. She bought a new one also, too. I guess they’re still recording…

          • The Witch of Endor

            They just played somewhere in the DC metropolitan area last week (friends went and posted pics) so I’m guess they are.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I always liked them very much myself ^.^ Their new stuff is more serious, but I loovvved the just…fun stuff too.

          • The Witch of Endor

            If you can ignore the video part of Ordinary World (that is just weird) you can get a real feel for how much Simon grew/is growing as an artist. I actually googled Ordinary World and found it was part of a trio of songs for his best friend who killed himself. Still trying to find the other two songs.

          • Jonny On Maui

            About 5 minutes…

          • VirginiaLady

            That was the name of the band’s boat.

        • JMP

          he also,does not seem to understand.the basic rules of capitalization,or punctuation&spacing

      • Percy Bitch Shelley

        Dude, that isn’t true. Ever been to a synagogue for messianic jews? And I’m not talking about Jews for Jesus, either.

      • anwisok aka Pinkham’s Law

        I am friends with numerous Jews, including the Rabbis for our Habad community. Every one of them is aware that Jesus was Jewish. Most of them consider him to have been a Rabbi, some a Prophet.

      • jwtukker

        Always said that boy was a bit squirrely .

      • Major_Major_Major

        Hey there shitball, just to be clear a) Jesus was a Jew and a hippy socialist and b) the new testament is at best hearsay as it is secondhand reporting of his words. Long story short, you are both misinformed and a completely prolapsed lizard anus.

        • Juan de Fuca

          O/T but have you noticed most Trump trolls always upvote their own comments? It comes across like, yeah…I told these fools!

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            When you can’t get any love, you self love. Don’t blame him for falling back on what he always has to fall back on.

          • Pickwicknext

            Maybe they are hoping to attract tentacles?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            bwahahahaha!!!!
            I stumbled into my first, and only, tentacle thing once on a Mush way back in the day (I did say I was old, shesh) just wandering around the hub when I entered this room and there was this thing, so I investigated it and it was so horrible and graphic and I had never known it was a thing, before XD My poor character.

      • Callyson

        ” Disgusting ” is the Republican establishment selling out our jobs to globalists ,and war for the NWO /AIPAC .

        What are you one of those religious nuts dho ruined the GOP ?

        NWO? You’re showing your age, troll: the updated term is Agenda 21!

        • Juan de Fuca

          Now with FEMA Camps?

      • Callyson

        One last one before I have to get dinner together:

        Typical Monotheistic religious nut…..Please always remember the maxim of Frederick Nietzsche when these creeps get sanctimonious. ” Those who shout morality the loudest ,live in the darkest corners “.

      • JMP

        You know what’s even more pathetic than an anti-Semitic troll? An anti-Semitic troll who upvotes their own comments.

  • cat cafe

    No, but wait, his Sermon on the Escalator was pretty good, you have to admit.

  • Rick Wagner

    What’s the problem? Trump just prefers the Old Testament Jesus.

  • SisterArtemis

    How come I’m the only one who ever uses that heart-icon thing? Is it just too uncool for the regular wonketteers?

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