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Maine’s functionally illiterate idiot Gov. Paul LePage flapped his face hole again, and that never works out well for him.

Earlier this month, he was sorry not sorry OK maybe a little sorry but not really for saying “guys by the name D-Money, Smoothie, Shifty […] come from CT and NY, they come up here, they sell their heroin, then they go back home.” Oh, and, “incidentally” (what a big word for a half-wit governor) those guys from the Big City “impregnate a young white girl before they leave,” a crime for which the governor threatened, “We’re gonna make ’em very severe penalties.”

The governor thunked on it good, and he came up with some very severe penalties indeed:

“I think the death penalty should be appropriate for people who kill Mainers,” LePage said. “We should give them an injection of the stuff they sell.” […]

“What we ought to do is bring the guillotine back,” he said, interrupting the hosts. “We could have public executions and we could even have which hole it falls in.”

Great plan, governor. Very pro-lifey too. (LePage is of course also “pro-life,” for fetuses only, but we repeat ourselves.) We didn’t listen to his radio interview on WVOM, because we don’t hate ourselves nearly enough for that, so sadly, we cannot confirm whether he thinks we should inject drug traffickers with The Drugs before or after we chop off their heads in the public square. Or whether we will let them choose for themselves. Or whether D-Money et al. should be put to death simply for selling drugs, or only in cases when they money-shot a nice white lady with baby batter before heading down south to the Big Apple. Perhaps it’s yes, all of the above.

Maine, your governor is bad, and you should feel bad. Because he has already offered to fuck off and die in a fire if enough of you send him letters asking him to please fuck off and die in a fire, so you might want to get on that, double quick. Before he really embarrasses your entire state. You know, more.

[POLITICO]

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  • Joe Beese
    • Villago Delenda Est

      Pour encourager les autres

    • Sir Ergot of Rye

      Jesus Christ has it really been 30 years? I remember this guy like it was yesterday. Always cracked me up. A true original.

      • The best. Though Prof. Irwin Corey shouldn’t be forgotten.

        Wow. The Prof. is 101 & still kicking. Or alive, at least.

  • Robyn Ryan

    How European of him….

  • JohnBull

    Can we bring back public stocks for politicians who knowingly poison an entire town’s drinking water?

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Sebring, Ohio (population 4,300) is facing the same thing. Elevated lead levels in the drinking water, notification by the Ohio EPA, information withheld from the populace by the village government.

      • wavicles

        Oh

  • Lefty Frizzell

    “I think the death penalty should be appropriate for
    people who kill Mainers,” LePage said. “We should give them an injection
    of the stuff they sell.” […]

    “What we ought to do is bring the guillotine back,” he said,
    interrupting the hosts. “We could have public executions and we could
    even have which hole it falls in.”

    But what will he do when he finds out they’re white, and from Maine, and have been selling to black kids?

    • tihond

      Give them jobs with the CIA, allegedly.

    • drbloor

      Give them contracts to run charter schools for the poors.

    • mtn_philosoph

      But what will he do when he finds out they’re white, and from Maine, and have been selling to black kids?

      It cannot be overstated how extremely more common this scenario is in NNE. The people involved in the drug trade top to bottom are *all* white (well, OK, white people plus a few French canadiens) and at least half are women (hurray for gender equality), also too. Busts of city people are actually the infrequent exception.

  • dslindc

    Probably supports this for poors also too.

  • DahBoner

    “We should give them an injection of the stuff they sell.”

    So, that’ll be two Lobstah rolls and a side of fries?
    https://media.giphy.com/media/dXVIHD8Bd8cGQ/giphy.gif

    • dslindc

      Nobody expects the shellfish inquisition!

      Wait, what?

    • Hutch

      Yog succotash! It’s Cthulhu and his buddies!

    • jmk

      Bring in the dancin’ lobstahs!!!

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    You know who else cuts off peoples’ heads?

    • tihond

      The Highlander?

    • tihond

      Lorena Bobbitt?

    • tihond

      Jason (of “and the Argonaut” fame)?

    • Msmlg1979

      The Queen of Hearts?

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        Fetch me a pig.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      An overzealous barber?

      • dslindc

        Demon Barber of Fleet Street libelz!

        • Hutch

          Some meat pie, Governor?

    • Hutch

      That sprung cable in “Ghost Ship?”

      • wavicles

        Snapback!

    • DahBoner

      The photographer for Tall Magazine?

      • bozilingus

        My mom when taking family pictures?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Joffrey Baratheon?

      • NanBullenshede

        Not any more, ha ha. Never did do the Deed himself, either.

    • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

      Robespierre?

    • NanBullenshede

      The Starks of Winterfel.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      The flying bugs in Starship Troopers?

    • mtn_philosoph

      Turkey farm hands in Alaska?

  • Latverian Diplomat

    I thought the Guillotine was French and gay.

    Also “we could even have which hole it falls in.” sounds like a proposal for some macabre sort of public wagering…pick the hole the head rolls into, win a prize!

    • QHarp

      Head Plinko!

      • onedollarjuana

        Sort of a Maine version of cornhole.

    • Msmlg1979

      Very puzzled by that word salad! Oh well, the man’s a dick. Probably best I don’t get it.

    • Jay Vaughn

      You’re much more mature than me for not falling into uncontrollable giggles when you read that.

    • Playonwords

      The people of Hull had one centuries before France

    • Redgyal

      So is the name Le Paige..

    • Celtic_Gnome

      “Round and round she goes, where she falls, nobody knows.”

  • Lot_49

    Democracy had a good run, didn’t it?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      I blame Jar Jar.

      • Anarchy Pony

        That’s Darth Jar Jar to you!

    • Not really.

  • Brazilian Fart Porn
  • douglaswatts

    I’m from Maine and we are as stupid as him and we support him 38 percent !!!

    • kindness

      That was enough. TWO TIMES! Don’t remind us any more, please.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Is it too late to trade Maine to Canada for Prince Edward Island and a 1st round draft pick?

  • Msmlg1979

    ..”we could even have which hole it falls in”

    Saythefuckwhat?

  • YayConspiracy

    Mr LePage are you on… ?
    https://youtu.be/b0k1v49C6hw

    • bobbert

      Completely OT, but after watching that I went to another track that reminded me that, despite everything, Layla is Best Song.

  • Seaside

    The man without a neck is in favor of guillotines.

  • Why am I Mr. Pink?

    Judging by the picture at the top, his face hole does not flap so much as it prolapses.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    I have no problem with LePage’s head [redacted in deference to the Commenting Rules for Radicals]

  • A Bashful Nobody

    WTF is wrong with Maine?

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      It’s very cold.

      Places with too many crazy people: Where it snows a lot, desert.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Can’t they just handle the cold like the vikings did? Fuck constantly until the spring where you then go on your head lopping conquests?

        • NanBullenshede

          Too old, my good lady. The Province claims the oldest and Whitest population in the Colonies and Sarasota Florida.

          • mailman27

            Too much loose talk about heads rolling, NBH?

        • Hemp Dogbane

          Or miss one critical field goal and leave in shame.

    • calliecallie

      They’re in a rocky place.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I can see why Massachusetts let Maine go its own way in 1820.

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    So, is he like running for president? Sounds like he’s making a half-assed attempt to outdo the Don.

    • jmk

      He’s already endorsed Christie.

      Because, as one headline put it, Birds of a Feather…

    • calliecallie

      I said the same thing. Cats and Dogs lie down together.

  • Anarchy Pony

    He’s like an asshole wingnut forum troll come to life and elected to office…

    • Randy Riddle

      Sort of like Ted Cruz and half the state legislatures?

    • jmk

      He’s like the spokesman for the folks featured weekly in Dear Shit-fer-Brains.

    • bobbert

      Pretty much exactly.

  • onedollarjuana

    I was reading a Maine tourist industry mag and they’re sick of LePage, too.

  • bozilingus

    Guillotine Pachenko sounds great. Gov. LePage, you go first.

  • I actually agree with him about public executions.

    If we’re going to, as a society, say that we’re going to kill people, it shouldn’t be hidden away in a sterile, closed environment where only a select few have to witness us killing people, so we all get to pretend that we’re civilized.

    No, drag it out in the light of day. Do it downtown or in the town square. Put two in the back of the condemned’s head. Let the people put it on YouTube.

    Then maybe we can have a talk about whether or not we want to be the sort of country that kills people.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      It’s pretty much the same way with war footage. One of the things about TV and the Vietnam War is that it showed a lot of this shit in living rooms during the dinner hour. The Pentagon learned from this, and that’s why we have heavily sanitized “pool” coverage ever since.

      • calliecallie

        Dan Rather reporting as they carried the body bags out of the jungle. That image is etched in my childhood brain. I thought the purpose of the evening news was to report on the progress of the army.

        • Hemp Dogbane

          “Today’s score: USA 4/Viet Cong 7.”
          We won low score almost every day !

          • malsperanza

            Dinner around the kitchen table with the kill ratios and the family. Surreal.

      • My fave Vee-yet-nam footage was shots of G.I.s blowing reefer smoke (shotgunning, if you’re old enough) into each others’ mouths through the barrels of their rifles.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          That sounds safe. Like the stoner version of “here, hold my beer”?

          • Well, they were blowing smoke through the barrels, so the weapons certainly weren’t loaded.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Well they were, just not with the things that blow your mind…er, just not with the bullet thingy things.

        • Empy

          Wait, waitwait, young’n here (31). Is THAT where ‘shotgunning’ as a term came from?

      • Beaumarchais?

        They might change their minds. Millennials have grown up on gore—now they’re numbed by it and want more. See: every video game, The Revenant, Game of Thrones, and our apparent tolerance for a weekly feed of iPhone reality shootings and ISIS beheadings. Somebody watches that stuff.

        My dad didn’t want to see it because he lived it in WWII. Today, we can’t get enough.

    • SnarkTank

      Maybe we could have a game show where people would chase after criminals and kill them in American-Gladiator-type costumes. Richard Dawson could host…we’ll call it something like “The Running Man”…

      • bozilingus

        Could this apply to Presidential candidates?

    • Lefty Frizzell

      I’d be a just a little wary of that, since you might end up finding out that you very much want to be the sort of country that kills people. Prepare for a veritable torrent of “THINK ABOUT THE VICTIMS YOU LIBTARDS WOULD PAMPER THIS SCUM IN FIVE STAR HOTELS DETERRENT IN THE OLD DAYS THE POLICE WOULD TURN A BLIND EYE FOR AN EYE RAGE BLOODLUST”….

      • Creepoman

        Sickening images of lynchings turned into Sunday at the park with the kids unfortunately comes to mind. I wish I could say that we, as a country, are now better than that. But Trump and Cruz and a startling amount of their followers prove me wrong every damn day.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      If history is any guide, many of us may discover we enjoy it a bit too much.

  • Double You-VOM Radio. Seems appropriate.

  • SayItWithWookies

    [LePage] has already offered
    to fuck off and die in a fire if enough of you send him letters asking
    him to please fuck off and die in a fire, so you might want to get on
    that, double quick.

    Yeah, the armed morons who took over the Malheur Wildlife Refuge promised to go away when the people asked them to leave, too. Then when the people asked them to leave, they suddenly discovered they had different principles or something.

    • Anarchy Pony

      This Nevadan aggression will not stand!

  • Come here a minute

    I would rather have guillotine back, chop my own head off, and even have which hole it falls in, whatever the fuck that means, instead of listening to the radio interview on WVOM.

  • Callyson

    Why the fuck hasn’t this asshole been impeached already?

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Note to self: Never, EVER visit Maine. Ever.

  • TheBidenator

    Paul LePage needs to slowly lower himself into a vat of molten metal, Terminator II style…that’s the most appropriate way for him to go die in a fire.

  • Hutch

    You better watch your step in Maine, Smoothie!

    • chicken thief

      Whoever that guy in the pic is, if he chewed tuh-baccy Ammon Bundy has a bedroll he’d like to cuddle with him in.

      • Hutch

        Or a blue tarp to snuggle under.

  • calliecallie

    Christ, what an asshole! Is he running for president or something? Because he talks like he is. Maybe he wants to be The Donald’s running mate.

  • Michael Smith

    “and we could even have which hole it falls in”

    Wait, what?

    • bozilingus

      Imagine this with someone’s head…

      • Michael Smith

        If Mel Brooks ever made another history of the world, that wouldn’t be a bad gag for what happens to the head after being guillotined.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        If we’re going that route, the severed limbs could probably be fashioned into lawn darts.

  • JustPixelz

    Beheadings! How very ISIS/Saudi of him!

    • tomamitai

      Holy Creeping Sharia law Batman!

  • TheBidenator

    “Come see the oddities of Maine!”
    “Witness the guy who never, ever stops writing!”
    “Witness a state that is mostly empty even though it is in the most population-crowded portion of the US”
    “Witness crocodile boy- and the travelling senator who lives out of his suitcase who will run for office for food just like he did in New Hampshire and Massachusetts!”
    “Marvel at the dumbass governor who has no functioning electrical signals in his brain and yet the dumb pieces of Blobfish shit that compromise the Maine voters elected him twice!”
    “Gawk at how a state with a liberal reputation could twice elect a dumb, thoroughly regressive, unreconstructed racist who doesn’t seem to have graduated high school!”
    “Come see the oddities of Maine!”

  • Anarchy Pony

    But blahs are the real thugs though. Not the weirdos salivating over the prospect of public execution.

  • Michael Smith

    Guillotines were considered humane in their day. I bet if he knew that, he would re think his tough guy talk.

    Though the supposed humanity of the guillotine’s mechanism was kind of outweighed by its constant usage and public presentation.

    I guess you could say the guillotine was supposed to terrify the citizens more than punish the condemned.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Guillotines were considered humane in their day.

      So were electric chairs, gas chambers and lethal injections.

      Every generation or so, there’s a new, more “humane” method of execution that’s supposed to be an improvement on the “barbaric” method of the last generation. And a generation later, that method is seen as “barbaric,” and a new “humane” one comes along. Lather, rinse, repeat.

      It almost makes you think that it’s the killing that’s barbaric, not the methods.

      • Spurning Beer

        Would you include Death by Snoo-snoo in that assessment?

        • Bitter Scribe

          How about death by binge-watching Futurama episodes?

        • borninatrailer

          “The spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised!”

      • Michael Smith

        Yes.

      • tomamitai
      • wavicles

        Hmmm, the killing you say?

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      He should take a tour of the Tower of London if he needs ideas for less humane punishments.

      • chazmanr

        Actually, he should visit the hokey “The London Dungeon” on the other side of the Thames. There is not much to see at the Tower of London in the way of implements of torture.

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          I listened to the whole procedure of drawing and quartering described in detail. On a bicycle tour!

        • bobbert

          Good point.

      • Creepoman

        Don’t google “breaking wheel” and seriously, don’t click the “images” button on the tool bar.

    • chazmanr

      And the guillotine like every other form of execution has still not instilled enough fear in the public to put an end to murder. Maybe we can finally put to rest the notion that the death penalty serves as a crime deterrent.

    • halifax

      so… much like modern capital punishment, yes?
      and by “much like” i mean completely identical.

  • kindness

    I too would like to see heads roll in Maine. But only if the good Governor goes first.

  • Steven M. Harries

    That Timothy Spall–looking gov has been eating too much Pepperridge Farm and babies lately . . .

  • Bitter Scribe

    From what I’ve read, this guy is so widely hated by his fellow Maine pols, of both parties, that he makes Ted Cruz look like the Miss Congeniality winner in a D.C. beauty pageant.

    • Steven M. Harries

      I have a sensitive question: Do you think he and Chris Christie participate in…uhm…mutual masturbation?

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        zomg that is not cool, dude. I am all out of brain bleach and we’re snowed in

        • Steven M. Harries

          I’m sorry, but this mental exercise is to keep you from going into toxic shock or prevent you from reading “To Build a Fire,” or something . . .

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            But I already know how to build a fire……

          • Steven M. Harries

            Let’s put it this way . . .in the short story, London wasn’t burning.

          • Jen_Baker_VA
          • bookish

            use a tea light.

            Not that I would.

      • Ricky Gay

        mutual mastication?

      • Playonwords

        Nope, they can hardly find their own dicks in all the flab

        • Logic of Color

          Mutual favor. They politely describe the others’ junk to them.

        • wavicles

          I think he means just that. They help each other “out”.

  • chicken thief

    Maybe if the state had less LePage the demand for drugs might drop. Maybe attacking the problem at the source rather than merchants would be more effective. Just spitballin’ a little here, Gov…

    • Steven M. Harries

      Maine without meth is sort of like FOXboro without another Brady scandal . . .

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Maine without meth is like Alaska (or rural Oregon, for that matter) without meth.

  • chicken thief

    I cut off a man’s head with a guillotine once. Well, I was going to, but he had this serious bling around his neck so the blade just bounced off. It was rather humorous looking back on it – him gagging and gasping for air as the blade BE-OINGED off his necklaces…. oh, the silly things we did as youth! Did I tell you about when I sliced conjoined twins apart?….

    ~ Dr. Ben

    • Hutch

      Was Doc Snoozy also responsible for Mike the Headless Chicken?!? (I just can’t post a picture of ole Mike.)

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    What did he say the penalty is for impregnating a white woman? An injection of the same stuff that— oh my.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Suppository?

  • zanzibar_buckbuck_mcfate

    I’m sorry, why aren’t we making more hay out of D-Money, Smoothie, and Shifty? Can this please go into the Wonkette lexicon with “also too” and “a idiot”?

    • smr06va

      I have heard, but cannot confirm, that Shypixel was once known as “Smoothie”….

      • zanzibar_buckbuck_mcfate

        !!! come on people let’s make this a thing. If I didn’t love my username so much I would totally change to Shifty.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          I would be D-Money but I is poor.

          • wavicles

            The D is for “don’t got no”

        • Hutch

          You could change it to all three, Dave.

          • smr06va

            AOT,K………

        • BigBoppa

          I call dibs on “Snarky”.

    • chicken thief

      If Kirby DeLauter’s name was D-Money, Smoothie, or Shifty Kirby DeLauter wouldn’t want you to make a meme out of Kirby DeLauter’s name because Kirby DeLauter does not want his name, whether it be Kirby DeLauter or D-Money, Smoothie, or Shifty to be Kirby DeLauter-ed about.

    • Playonwords

      D-money = Trump
      Smoothy = Jeb!
      Shifty = iCarly

      Then there’s Slimeball (Ted Cruz), Dun Chokin’ (Rubio), Runny (Santorum), Nutso (Rand Paul), Papa Prayer (Huckabee). I’ll leave this with the worthy denizens of Wonkette.

      • Msgr_Moment

        “Who’s Dopey?”
        “AOT,K.”

      • BigBoppa

        I like all of them but Huckabee. May I propose instead, Possum Sharts?

    • Bear OmNomNom

      Smoothie turned to Shifty and he said, “Nix, nix
      LePage needs to eat a bag of salted rat dicks!”

  • docterry6973

    I like it! Guillotine for drug dealers. And securities fraud. And fraudulent manipulation of financial indexes.

    And that Dreyfus guy too.

    • Creepoman

      And failure to report campaign loans.

      • chicken thief

        Wait, are you saying we can execute foreign nationals?

        • Creepoman

          Not a lawyer, but hypothetically, if their home country doesn’t want them and won’t extradite, I believe we get to follow home rules. And I’ll put five bucks on the basket to farthest right.

    • mailman27

      I don’t know, he was pretty good in Jaws…

      • bobbert

        Underrated in Close Encounters, imo.

  • LarryHoudini

    D-Money? I think that’s Sheldon Silver.

  • Antimassacree

    Are guillotines the Maine thing, the Maine thing that $arah was drunk-text talking about?

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    “We should give them an injection of the stuff they sell.”

    Weed dealers will be forced to hotbox in a VW microbus.

    • Objectifer

      Not really seeing the punishment factor.

      • Jonny On Maui

        With Grateful Dead 24/7…

    • Bear OmNomNom

      With or without shovels, rakes, and implements of destruction?

  • chicken thief

    OT, but speaking of fucking idiots from perpetually frozen parts of the country, has Sarah checked in with Track yet and given us an update?

    • Logic of Color

      I think she’s on track to pull the trigger on that. Then you will owe her an apology.

      • chicken thief

        I’ll post it on her Facebook wall where she’ll be sure to see it. :-)

  • cheetojeebus

    There’s a partial thought in there it looks like? “and we could even have which hole it falls in.”
    Now is he referring to that beloved however unfortunately named game “Cornhole” or some other sideshow variant?
    So is he sort of possibly thinking-yeah giving him a lot of credit here, that there would be a guillitine/cornhole contraption and the populace would bet on which hole it went into? It being the severed head.
    If I am right about this, He’s a sick fuck.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      You are right. Gov. LibraryPaste has a new idea for raising money from Mainers. He is truly a sick fuck.

    • tomamitai

      I think he stole it from George Carlin. The whole video is great, but the “role into numbered holes” bit starts around 3:50.

      https://youtu.be/qDO6HV6xTmI

  • This governor is a prime example of why you don’t want a third party or multiple parties. Yes, it sounds good when you’re throwing out hypotheticals, the problem is that sometimes the sane candidates end up splitting the vote enough that an idiot like LePage gets elected.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Specifically, third parties in a First-Past-the-Post voting system. If we had IRV or something it might not be as bad.

  • azeyote

    they could give the leftover parts to the poor who don’t get food stamps in Maine anymore –

  • NanBullenshede

    This poltroon hath given me a Severe Megrim. And he hath harshed my Mellow.

  • jesuswasablack

    “even have which hole it falls in”

    LePage have you been hanging out at the rest stops again?

  • Me not sure

    I got a hand mirror to look with and found out that if I squeeze my ass real hard I can make my butt look like Paul Lepage’s face. I’m getting a butt lift ASAP.

    • Playonwords

      I think you lie, your arse would have fallen off before it allowed you to do that. OTOH if you are telling the truth then you might need a bit more than a lift, a 50 tonne crane would probably be required

      • Me not sure

        Thanks for the pro-tip.

        • Playonwords

          I believe in sharing my own experience. My arse fell off when I tried to get it to do Cyril Smith

          • Me not sure

            I’m told that unscrewing ones naval with a Phillip’s head screwdriver works too.

    • AnOuthouse

      My butt moved to where my stomach was. I think it’s an age thing.

  • SadDemInTex

    Dude, you are not Donald Trump. You cannot say this crazy ass stuff. D-Trump can be crazy (apparently, idk why). Maine, thanks for making Texas look good today.

  • Incoming Ham

    Well, if Donald can do it… I think everyone is starting to believe because Trump talks like that, they can too. Not the first I’ve heard.

  • docterry6973

    Which hole it falls in? Sound like Maine’s gonna add a new lottery game!

    Two birds. One stone.

    • proudgrampa

      Guillotine Pachinko?

  • coozledad

    He doesn’t seem to know who the guillotines are for.

  • Guillotine sounds a little…foreign… for Mainers. Why not show some home-state pride: chain the condemned to a pine tree covered in Blueberry compote for the bears to et. Or lock ’em in a lobster trap and thrown out to sea.

    • Bear OmNomNom

      Yes plz, we Bears will totally nom on those big, butch convicts. The blueberry compote is just gravy. :-D

    • AnOuthouse

      They’re close to Quebec.

  • Jeamonn

    “Gov. LePage, there’s a Robespierre for you on line 1!”

  • Paperless Tiger

    These guys always sound like they’re about seven years old trying to sound tough. Yeah, get a gillateen and chop off his head, henh! How do they get grown up men and women to vote for such nonsense?

  • Constant Gardener

    Paul LePage: Tiny barmy dickwazzle since 1948.

  • xy

    this guy is hero for all us morons and idiots. even someone as dumb as me can be a governor.

    • Logic of Color

      No, governor, your last name is not French for “paper”.

      • tomamitai

        I thought it meant “glue sniffer”?

  • Frank Lee

    I am all in favor of this! But only for politicians and Wall Street ‘Wizards’ after the revolution. I have a kickstarter for an automated guillotine, a rotating table brings the condemned to the blade then dumps the remains while the next one meets the blade. When the day comes the lines are going to be long and we need a better way to service all the deserving.

  • His head looks like it would roll well enough to pick up a 7-10 split.

  • Guillotine, eh? I don’t think you know what those are for.

    • Pickwicknext

      That would require both literacy and book learnin’. Both are not found here

  • beatbort

    He was interviewed on WVOM.
    Vomit radio, to the unenlightened

  • You may know that I’m not one to follow some current New Age trend, but in these times of bullshit and uncertainty, I have found a meditation guide that really works. Try it!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92i5m3tV5XY

    “Soul eating cocksuckers just fall away into nothing”

    • bookish

      Sending you light and love.

    • Quercus

      My favorite meditation. it actually works. I always feel better after listening to it.

    • SDGeoff

      Thank you so much!

  • Rufus T. Firefly

    Saaaay, you know who *else* wanted to bring back the guillotine?

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      Guy Fieri!?

      • SDGeoff

        Name of his latest “restaurant”? The Guillotine?

  • Damian L

    Who voted for this asshole? Seriously,What should we inject THEM with?

  • chascates

    Once again I glanced at Wonkette and then sent in a tip for a story that was recently posted. Good thing I’m drinking cheap beer.

  • guppy06

    Connecticut? Really?

    A foster kid I interacted with when I was incarcerated attending a suburban Maryland high school observed that folks in Baltimore sell drugs because they have no money. The folks in the ‘burbs actually have the money, so they’re the customers.

    I could see people from Connecticut trying to hustle fake antiques, but drugs?

    • AnOuthouse

      Artisanal locally sourced antique drugs.

      • tomamitai

        Laudanum Lattes at Starbucks?

        • SDGeoff

          Anyplace but Starbucks, please.

      • guppy06

        From non-GMO, organic poppies.

    • Tansy Geek

      For some reason, perhaps because he’s just fucking dumb, he forgot about Boston and Providence, both of which are closer than CT and NY.

  • Eyeball Freckles

    What next? Witch hunts? He is aware it’s not the 1700s anymore, right?

  • kaydenpat

    Is drug trafficking really a huge problem in Maine? He seems obsessed.

    • Supernumerary

      Southern Maine is seeing a really large surge in heroin use and addiction, yeah. I guess southern New England has more or less hit its saturation point re: illegal drugs and what it’s willing to pay for them, so dealers are starting to move further north. There’s less competition on the market, of course, plus people who are willing to cough up the cash in order to get their hands on whatever they can.

      • kaydenpat

        Ok. Thanks for the info. Too bad the Governor can’t address the issue in a rational manner.

  • Matt Jones

    “[for people who kill Mainers] We should give them an injection of the stuff they sell”

    *the sound of tobacco and booze companies in Maine calling their lawyers for clarification*

    • Vecciojohn LLC

      Wouldn’t a lot of them like an injection of the shit they sell? Or is it just the sort of shit you step all over before running it up to Maine to sell to the Maniacs?

    • Haribo Lector

      How would this work for construction companies that cut corners?

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    Let’s form a PAC or one of those fundraiseme things and all chip in so we can put on 15 second ads before the general election running snippets of shit like this with a crawl that says, For the Love of Christ, vote for Hillary. We’re begging! BEGGING, I TELL YOU!!!

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=r6G9hPilqFQ

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    We have turned into one of Balzac’s novels where the mayor of Paris is also the head of the city’s organized crime family.

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    Maine is for lovers.

    Of this kind of batshittery.

  • Vecciojohn LLC

    God Southerners are all a bunch of idiots.

    What!

    • bobbert

      You’ve proliferated.

      • Vecciojohn LLC

        You’re welcome.

  • Too bad Jess Franco left us. He could have made the perfect biopic about this guy, starring Howard Vernon of course!*

    *If you actually know what I’m talking about, let’s do lunch!

  • Celtic_Gnome

    All the red states better start voting blue in the very near future. I think the only reason they still exist under this nimrod leadership is inertia.

    • Shibusa

      “Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard.” – H. L. Mencken

  • Badger33

    You give him too much credit. I wouldn’t describe him as functional.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      So barely functioning or would that be too flattering?

  • Cismontane

    And still we have to wonder whether he really is a worse governer than Rick Snyder. Governor who threatens to behead his citizens or a governor who actually has a track record for poisoning them….

    • bobbert

      Well, you have to remember that this “beheading” bullshit is far from the worst thing that LePage has done to his state. Still, on balance, the negligent endangerment of 100,000 people probably wins.

  • Dr. Krieger IRL

    This isn’t the Maine of Jessica Fletcher. She’d never allow a governor like LePage to make these kinds of declarations, not with her in Cabot Cove, no sir.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    So it’s the guillotine for the Count D’ Money!

  • malsperanza

    Ignorance, racism, and a love of the death penalty … what could possibly go wrong?

  • Robin

    How are these people getting elected? I excuse a lot of ridiculous things where I live because Tennessee. It’s expected. But Maine? Come on…

    • Dr. Krieger IRL

      Voter apathy, nepotism, bribery.

      • Robin

        Fair enough.

      • NorthernSaber

        Nope- and this is why this fuck is so scary. The opposition to LePage split the ticket TWICE, and in the run-up to his re-election campaign in 2014 LePage tacked back to the center (thus picking up some conservative Democrat votes in places like Maine’s mill towns) after spending years cementing his knuckle-dragging base. In addition
        LePage benefited from having a bear-baiting referendum on the ticket last time (I shit you not, and you can’t imagine how big that was here.) Why does all this matter? Because I’ve a growing sense that Trump’s people are using LePage as a sort of template. Check it out: spend months and months saying the most outrageous shit imaginable to draw in and galvanize a base of mouth-breathers, and then present a more palatable facade as the election draws near to appeal to the moderates in both parties who actually decide elections. Run this scenario- the GOP establishment is shitting their pants over someone like Trump being at the top of the ticket, but damned if their heavy-hitters won’t hold their noses and step up for him if doing so prevents Hilz or The Bern winning. I’ve seen two cycles of this shit here, a damned if it doesn’t work with certain demographics. If anybody thinks we couldn’t one day wind up having to say “President Trump” they need to come spend some time here.

        • Dr. Krieger IRL

          Damn. Thank you for your insight.

  • Steverino247

    I seem to recall that those promoting the blade fell under it eventually, so better beef up that neck a bit more asshole.

  • SDGeoff

    “We could even have which hole it falls in” Whaaaa?
    Talk about Palin-itis.

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