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all the drug traffickers had penises this big!

Before we knew all about Maine Gov. Paul LePage, we just sort of thought of Maine as Mostly Harmless, home of Hawkeye Pierce, L.L. Bean, and semi-incomprehensible fishermen. Who knew that such high levels of dickbaggery ran through the blood of … Maine-ites? Maine-ains? … that they could have managed to elect such a human stain like LePage. You have to hand it to the guy, though. He really works hard to keep topping his own previous near-superhuman levels of awful. And he has to. When your previous achievements include starving the children of people with drug convictions and stopping cities from raising the minimum wage, you have to set your personal bar pretty high when you want to be even more of a horror show. LePage is up for the challenge, though, as he displayed at a Town Hall meeting Thursday night when he decided to share his totally reasonable thoughts about drug trafficking and race in response to a constituent question about what he was doing to fight drug abuse in Maine.

“Now the traffickers, these aren’t people that take drugs. These are guys by the name D-Money, Smoothie, Shifty,” LePage said, drawing chuckles from the crowd in Bridgton, ME. “These type of guys that come from CT and NY, they come up here, they sell their heroin, then they go back home.”

“Incidentally, half the time they impregnate a young white girl before they leave,” LePage added. “Which is a real sad thing because then we have another issue that we’ve gotta deal with down the road. We’re gonna make ‘em very severe penalties.”

Did your elderly grandmother feed Paul LePage those suggested drug dealer nicknames, because those are bad and your elderly grandmother should feel bad. We also really like the nice touch of him basically saying that then those strapping young black bucks also rape a white lady or two on their way out of town.

We pity the poor spokesperson who had to field one million calls after this story broke.

screenshot-www.washingtonpost.com 2016-01-07 20-52-49

We’d like to think we’d come up with something better than this, but really, what on earth could you possibly say that would give context and nuance to LePage’s unhinged racist nonsense?

Someone over at the Washington Post thought they’d check to see if there were any recent arrests of drug traffickers with names straight out of your racist uncle’s big book of fake rapper names. You know, for context. And nuance. Lo and behold, not so much.

The same evening that LePage made his comments, the Maine DEA arrested three people in Maine for trafficking heroin. All three were white. (The state of Maine is about 94 percent white.) The alleged traffickers’ names are James, Jody and Donna.

Hmm. We’ll call them J-Money, Jo-Money, and … D-Money! Hey, whaddya know? Maybe LePage was on to something. Got the gender and the race wrong, of course, but you can’t expect miracles from a man that fully committed to being dumb.

[WaPo/Think Progress]

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  • FauxAntocles

    Mainiacs?

  • Msgr_Moment

    what do you call people from maine anyway?

    Maineiacs. Just don’t ask me to spell it.

    • FauxAntocles

      I left the “e” out (I knew I wouldn’t be the only, but I was first – Woot!)

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Poor unfortunates?

  • Lizzietish81

    Hey, my elderly Grandmother is A) a die hard democrat, B) Still lucid and C) Moved out of Maine the second my grandfather died anyways.

    • JustPixelz

      She should be writing Wonket comments (if they were allowed). She could be LizzieTish79.

      • Lizzietish81

        She doesn’t use the computer.

        and she’s 92

        • JustPixelz

          Congratulations to her on 92 years. I hope she’s proud of you because I can tell you are someone to be proud of with your job and degree in geopsychic hyper-astrology(?) and knowledge of every video on the internet.

          • Lizzietish81

            She’s probably not proud of the video thing insofar as she knows anything about it.

            But thanks!

  • DerrickWildcat

    Cabot Cove, Maine had 800 Murders between 1984 and 1996.

  • Joe Beese

    Raw Dog! MC Skat Kat!

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “I miss the days when you bought “horse” from Lefty, Rocko, or Johnny Two-times (two-times). Sure they impregenated a lot of white girls too, but nobody seemed to mind so much.”

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Now I’m picturing a would-be white boy gangsta from Greenwich trying to persuade some Maine girl to call him “D-Money.”

    • eggsacklywright

      “I’ll let you ride in my ’73 Caddy.”

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “Sorry the ‘Frampton Comes Alive!’ 8 Track is stuck in there, but that’s a pretty good album, right?”

        • Squirrel_t_robot

          I spent one memorable party summer as a teenager in Maine; it was the summer that album was played to death.

          Admittedly, I was also wasted most of the time.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Greenwich Hedge Fund Killah, yo.

  • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

    These are guys by the name D-Money, Smoothie, Shifty,

    Hey, don’t forget Fitzy!

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      G-dog, Ruf-man, Master-J

      • willi0000000

        Master-β . . . ?

      • coozledad

        Grand Mason Ambrose

    • DerrickWildcat

      D-Wildcat baby!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      F-bomb? N-word? P-freely?

  • Msgr_Moment

    J-Donna, you done left me in a family way. *call me*

  • Beaumarchais?

    Mainetees?

    • Mainmorans, after all, they elected him.

      • Squirrel_t_robot

        Not really; the Maine Dems split the ticket both times when LePage was running.

        Good thing there are term limits there.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Maineliners?

    • Creepoman

      Maine-iacs?

  • eggsacklywright

    Time to turn le page on this crouton.

  • Squirrel_t_robot

    My family is from Maine (but my parents left the state for New York).

    We have lots of incomprehensible fishermen in the family, and one particularly white, old, crabby and angry uncle who freaking loves LePage.

    Love me some Maine, but the state needs to dump this cracker.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Oddly enough, when I explore Maine vacations on TripAdvisor, all the forums say “Make sure you impregnate a white girl before you leave! Don’t miss it! It’s not the ‘Maine experience’ if you don’t!”

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      And lobster.

      • Squirrel_t_robot

        Lobsters and loons!

        • coozledad

          White chicks call me “Lobster Sauce”
          cause I sell ’em horse, and leave ’em. hoss.

          From upcoming Maine Department of Public Health PSA.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Crotch lobsters?

        • Msgr_Moment

          That’s the name of my new B-52s tribute band.

          • coozledad

            That’s funny. It’s also the name of my Pantera tribute band.

        • DoILookAmused2u ?

          But it wasn’t a crotch. It was a crotch lobster. Down, down, down.

      • What’s all this I hear about impregnating lobsters?
        ~

    • Latverian Diplomat

      The new tourism slogan of “Come into our Fertile State” kinda backfired.

      • Squirrel_t_robot

        Taciturn and Mecurial keep going to Vacationland, knocking up all the white girls.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Maine: Come for the lobster, stay for the child-support payments.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Are wine coolers mandatory or optional? Or is that an Alaskan thing?

  • Squirrel_t_robot

    Time to update those dwarf names!

  • Squirrel_t_robot

    LePage closed missions throughout the state; now there is a severe homeless problem.

    In fucking Maine, for crying out loud.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Whitest state in the Union.

      • Squirrel_t_robot

        Actually, I think Wyoming wins that title.

        But it is a close run thing.

        • DoILookAmused2u ?

          Nope, last census Maine. Maine is really, really white.

          You would think less conspicuous white folks were doing the drug dealing if it’s a real problem up in those parts.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          It’s Maine. Too lazy to investigate, but Wyoming may have some native Americans and Hispanics to liven things up.

          http://abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=93608&page=1

  • tihond

    Just need to adjust my Cracker-to-english translator… Ahh, he’s a racist.

  • Lizzietish81

    Also, LePage is insulting his own constituents. I’m sure the salt of the earth independent people of Maine cook their own Meth thankyouverymuch.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Salt of the earth. Nice way of putting it for a state that’s 94% white.

      • Lizzietish81

        “You know…morons.”

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    You would think black people would get noticed too much in Maine to do drug dealing, since if one visits, it increases that demographic population by about 20%

    Seems like if it really is a big problem up there, then less conspicuous white folks might be doing the dealin’.

  • tihond

    If Stephen King has taught me anything, it’s that everyone in Maine is a murderous clown, or a child searching for a dead body, or a Tommyknocker.

    • Msgr_Moment

      And those cars? So murderous.

      • tihond

        The dogs too.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          Wait ’til you see what the prom is like…

          • Monsieur_Grumpe

            And those pesky domes that keep dropping out of the sky.

          • Usedtobeyellerdawg

            Just don’t invite anyone in if they’re tapping on your second floor window; especially if they’re selling heroin or offering to impregnate you.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            Practice safe sex — stick to necking in that scenario.

          • tihond

            One of the popular kids asked me to go! And I heard I’m the prom queen. But, I thought everyone thought I was weird. I’m sure it’ll be fine.

          • Gayer Than Thou

            Your dirty pillows are showing.

          • lroom

            Their all gonna laugh at you!!

    • Squirrel_t_robot

      Once you leave the coast of Maine, it’s an ‘anything spooky can happen’ state.

      The summer I was hanging out in ME, enjoying far too many drugs, I also read a few Stephen King novels. Creepy as fuck; there is no paranoia quite like Stephen King induced paranoia.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        You don’t even have to leave the coast. I spent a winter in a down east coastal village where there were, like, two last names in the whole town. A lot of people thought the moon landing was faked. No banjos, but close.

    • thirdeblue

      I bought my 13 year old a copy of Pet Sematary for Christmas. That’ll fuck him up real good.

  • Michael Rush

    They said, hey Sugar, take a walk on the wild side .

    • Squirrel_t_robot

      Ayuh.

  • Fartknocker

    Hell, if you can’t win the war on drugs in a prison, where the hell you gonna win it?
    (Season 2 of The Wire)

  • dslindc

    Dear Maine,

    Your Governor is bad and you should feel bad . . . and show up to vote EVERY TIME!

    -Me

    • HobbesEvilTwin

      and also, too, throw John Cutler in a wood chipper*

      * with or without votes, I don’t care for that petty man.

    • deanbooth

      A new GOTV slogan: Remember the Maine!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I thought Shifty, D-Money, and Smoothie were special drinks at Starbucks.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “The governor is making comments about race. Race is irrelevant.”

    Yeah, about that. If it was black girls getting raped on the way out of town, I’m sure the governor would be equally concerned. Sure.

  • Squirrel_t_robot

    And the cats of Maine?

    Yuuuuuuuge.

    • Msgr_Moment

      The Governor is keeping an eye on all those cooncats.

      • Beaumarchais?

        Cooncats be sellin dem drugs, obvs.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    So Maine girls are easy?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Only if you’re fly.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Deer fly?

        • Msgr_Moment

          Don’t tick me off!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            You sucking on a Lyme, or what?

          • Ricky Gay

            that was malarious!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            You’re showing your ague.

          • Ricky Gay

            quit yer quinin’

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          These puns suck.

        • Msgr_Moment

          Fruit flies like a banana.

      • Usedtobeyellerdawg

        I’m pretty fly, for a white guy.

      • eggsacklywright

        I don’t have enough doe for that.

    • Squirrel_t_robot

      My cousins always were!

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Maine” “Waiting on my man. I got 26 dollars in my hand. He’s never on time. He’s always late. First thing you learn is you gotta wait”.

    • Squirrel_t_robot

      Fifteen dollars little man, put that shit into my hand.

    • Objectifer

      Hey white boy
      You chasin’ our women around?

  • data_ninja

    Did he mention the part where they go and record their hippity-hop music albums too, after doing all of that drug dealing and impregnating?

    • Randy Riddle

      Damn kids and their hippity-hoppity music.

    • tihond

      And saggy pants?

      • Squirrel_t_robot

        No pants are higher than mine!

  • Randy Riddle

    Why isn’t Le Page running for President? He seems like a fever wet dream cross between Chris Christie, Donald Trump, and a RedState commenter.

    • Squirrel_t_robot

      Man is very Trumpesque, Maine style:

      Wealthy, and dumb as a bag of hammers.

  • tihond

    Real talk: I don’t hear anyone talk about it much, but isn’t the increase in Heroin partially a result of the US in Afghanistan? The Taliban had got rid of the poppies, but once the US came in, people went back to what made them money.

    • Squirrel_t_robot

      It sure seems as if no one wants to talk about the actual root of the problem: endless war in poppy countries.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      No, almost all US heroin is coming from Mexico. A lot used to come from Columbia, but not so much any more.

      Afghan heroin is mostly going to Eastern Europe.

    • NationalGalleryofClipArt

      Nah. The Taliban funded themselves via export of poppy. If anything, their collapse led to an increase in domestic use. (Since they had banned it locally, with the ban overturned by successor regimes.)

  • Squirrel_t_robot

    Southern coastal Maine:

    Delightful. Portland is pretty great, as is Freeport and Camden.

    Northern insular Mane:

    Horrific; Stephen King land.

  • Squirrel_t_robot

    Pennywise Lives!

  • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

    Mmm, I made a really nice fruit Smoothie myself this morning.

    Then I sold some heroin.

    • Squirrel_t_robot

      Time’s a wasting; go now and impregnate some white girls.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Really? Ciao!

    • Incoming Ham

      Snoozing is for losers, man. You pick up your smoothie AFTER your work for a few hours to hit the rush hour crowd.

    • Msgr_Moment

      I was gonna go sell some heroin,
      But then I got high.

    • Steverino247

      I ate a hot dog
      It tasted real good
      Then I watched a movie
      From Hollywood

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        YUMMY YUM YUM…

  • Oblios_Cap

    If all of those Whitey McWhitepersons in Maine weren’t shooting up the smack, then those strapping young bucks wouldn’t be coming up to the state and impregnating the white chicks.
    The Invisible Penis of the Free Market shooting its wad, as it were.

  • Squirrel_t_robot

    Just say no to state funded contraceptives, LePage.

    Ass.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?
    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Soooo disappointed to find a banana under that banana peel…

  • Incoming Ham

    Sadly there are enough like-minded people who share this morons views and elect him.

    The years can’t fly by fast enough.

    • Squirrel_t_robot

      All they know is they are old and mad about a few things.

    • We lnow be ause a large percentage of them seem to be in the police force.

  • Squirrel_t_robot

    I suspect we could chart LePage’s rise as it correlates to the rise of Maine’s gay population, and have our answer to why this cracker is in Augusta.

  • beatbort

    I’ll bet even Donald Trump thinks LePage has gone too far.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Only in that he’s stealing Trumpet’s thunder.

    • Ruhe

      I’m actually picturing one of Trumps associates voicing that opinion but then Trump sagely raises a hand and says enigmatically “let’s wait and see.”

      • JustPixelz

        “We’re gonna look into that.”

        • eggsacklywright

          “A lot of people are talking about that.” “We should find out what’s going on.”

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            Something, something, executive order on day 1!

  • Elinei

    Maineiacs. We’re Maineiacs.

  • Tovarish Z

    The term for people from Maine is “Maine-ers”. Many of them are embarrassed by this clown.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Then they should be embarrassed they did not vote.

      • Squirrel_t_robot

        The Maine Dem party should stop splitting the ticket.

        • Spurning Beer

          Splitting the ticket? Is that what the kids are calling it now?

  • SHS

    Maine-iacs, folks from Maine are Maine-iacs :)

  • Beaumarchais?

    Bangor? I hardly know her!

  • Major_Major_Major

    Your move, Kansas.

  • Thaumaturgist

    Not D-Money, Smoothie and Shifty — its D-Money, Smoothie and snipy.

  • Spurning Beer

    I’ve lived in Maine, used illicit drugs, and impregnated a white girl a couple of times. All those seemed pretty good to me, ayyuh.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Yer too white for it to bother the dear Governor. Sides, the blacks obviously put ya up to it.

      Sincerely, a proto-bigot.

  • beatbort

    And, by the way, I have spent some time in Maine over the years and I have seen the women folk of your humble state, LePage. Being kind, I will only say that they are not comely. They kind of look like you with a bit more hair on top of their heads and a little less facial hair. In short, the chances of them “hooking up” with a drug dealer are far slimmer than they, or you, are. Nuff said.

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    “Maine-iacs” is the word you are looking for, says the former Maine-iacs and current Masshole.

  • Major_Major_Major

    Is this all part of his master plan to encourage more tourism from the deep South? All he needs now is to get a NASCAR race.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Nope. Needs Moar Confederate Memorials.

      • Major_Major_Major

        Joshua Chamberlain is spinning in his grave.

        • Steverino247

          Let me check…

  • LegionOfDo

    “The Governor is not making comments about race. Race is irrelevant.”

    *MENTIONS RACE

  • Ruhe

    Not reality-based governing.

  • Skwerl King

    WHOA man, did L-Page just diss Shifty from Connecticut? Someone is going to have a visit from the J-Crues and B-Bros posse!

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Putting on my thinkin’ cap. Think, think, think.

      Ifn I wuz a heroin dealer, I thinks I’d try not being black in Maine so as not to stand out so much.

    • JustPixelz

      My Maine name is Ice-Pixelz.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        L-Trotsky would like a word.

      • TheBidenator

        You can call me T-Bonez

        • Major_Major_Major

          M-Cube in the hizzzzouse

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Gay-Teez, What up, yo!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I wouldn’t fuck with that L.L. Cool Bean crew.

  • JustPixelz

    “Incidentally, half the time they impregnate a young white girl before they leave”

    But enough about the failures of sex education in Maine or the difficulties young white girls have getting contraceptives or the impact defunding Planned Parenthood has.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      We all look forward to the explosion of mixed-race babies in the Whitest state in the Union vindicating the Governor.

      Yeah, probably not going to happen, right?

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Prolly wouldn’t hurt things to mix up the gene pool a tad anyway.

  • Ruhe

    The real horror is that these misegenic children are not bi-racial but are (gasp!) all black! Because east coast drug dealers don’t have penises, they have ovipositors! Oh, no wait. The kids are all black because that’s the way white culture frames this sort of thing.

    • Angry_Cop

      One drop rule still in effect.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    The inner workings of the Paul LePage brain:

    A white woman had a mixed race baby with a black man in Maine. This was big news as it had never happened before ever.

    +

    White folks are addicted to heroin in Maine.

    = Black dudes are getting our whites addicted to heroin and knocking up white wimmens cuz Math.

  • MrBlobfish

    Needz moar ooga, less booga

  • NorthStarSpanx

    I know LePage has endorsed Christie for President, but isn’t he more of Trump’s kind? At least out loud?

  • NorthStarSpanx

    The real culprit here is the drug industry, that raked in $15 Billion in condoned opiate sales, while the States and families handle the fallout of $55 Billion and counting due to treatment and crime to support the post-script addictions.

    • Occam’s 8 ball

      Why do I think this is the reason for endless occupation of Afghanistan? Am I that cynical that I think international drug conglomerates can buy our military for the purpose of creating millions of new addicted customers? I should be ashamed of myself. Not even a corporation is capable of such an obscenity.

    • JaaaaaCeeeee

      Northstar, CEPR estimated just the marketing of one drug, oxycontin, as only mildly habit forming, at costing us $102 billion already. Our regulatory system to help rentiers conceal evidence on drug [in]effectiveness, patient harm, and mismarket drugs, just for 5 drugs CEPR toted up from 1994-2008, cost us $382 billion.

      Socializing the costs, of mismarketing just these 5 drugs, while privatizing the proft, exceeded pharma spending on ALL drugs research and innovation for the same period. Just a fraction of what helping rentiers is costing us financially and socially, and we’ve long known what would work better (it’s only a mystery to big donor elected representatives, corporate news media, the best funded think tanks, and thus most voters).

      http://cepr.net/press-center/press-releases/patent-monopolies-mismarketing-drugs?highlight=WyJ2aW94eCIsIm1vcmJpZGl0eSJd

  • jesuswasablack

    “Incidentally, half the time they impregnate a young white girl before they leave,”

    Dog whistle broked?

    • NorthernSaber

      I live in alarmingly rural Maine (please don’t judge!) and based on my pretty extensive sample size I can tell you that his base- which is only 35-37% of the voters, btw- is so down-market and low-info and cretinous and a fuck-ton of other words they wouldn’t get that no, a dog whistle approach won’t work. Where in the past pols of LePage’s ilk had to use code like “law and order” or “traditional values”, this dumb fuck has to go there to get it across to the even- dumber fucks who voted for him. Keep in mind that this was said at a TOWN MEETING- fully open to the public. What, we can only wonder, does he say when he’s being driven around and there are no mics?

      • jesuswasablack

        I have a good friend that lives near New Gloucester, pretty rural but not far from Portland, nice country, anyway he was saddened that this fuckstick LePage got re-elected but not surprised. Lots of dumbfucks everywhere, I live in Indiana so………

  • Lady Bug

    Well, SOMEONE’s been up past midnight reading Stormfront fan-fiction.

  • chicken thief

    The Gov just has a sad cause none of them wanna bone him.

  • chicken thief

    In conclusion, LePage said “Word, bitches.”

  • TheBidenator

    Well Donald Trump has given free license to his fellow wingnuts to go full out pigfucking racist for attention so I’m just waiting for one of them to get really vulgar and drop the n-bomb.

    Oh, and I am really, really sick of wingnuts and their casual use of racial stereotypes- most drugs sold to white people are by other white people. THIS is why we have such an issue of cops constantly shooting black people to death with mostly apathy from white people because my fellow dumbfucks have been convinced that black people exist only to get on welfare, fuck white girls, sell drugs to white people and join gangs to rob white people….fuck you.

    • “get really vulgar and drop the n-bomb.” – Cliven Bundy did that in 2014, though it was the “prettified” n-word.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Maine-ites? Maine-ains?

    Maine-liners?

  • Joshua Norton

    So when did everything above Portland become Alabama with snowbanks?

  • Redgyal
  • TheBidenator

    I think Paul LePage has been getting his ‘gangsta’ names from Limblob and Neal Boortz…

  • Pecker Rider of Pern

    Now, the cracker governors, these aren’t people who themselves starve or drink lead-poisoned water. They’ve got names like LePage, Snyder, and Huckabee, whatever the hell that means. These types of guys come from money or at least sociopathy, they sell their garbage ideology, and eventually retire to wallow in their own crapulence.

    Incidentally, half the time they manage to fuck over millions of people, many of them white women (anybody poor, really) before they leave office. So we’ve gotta give ’em very severe penalties, if we ever want to see an end to this bullshit.

  • Me not sure

    I kinda hope Donna gets some white girl pregnant ( stay away from her Bristol, she’s poison! ) . Now, that would be big news.

  • natoslug

    With a governor like LePage getting elected and not being removed from office, with votes or otherwise, I just assumed everybody in Maine was high as fuck 24/7. I’d think he would encourage more drug use, not less.

  • AnOuthouse

    Show me D-Money!!

    • leemoder

      That’s “D-MonAY”.

  • Steverino247

    Well, at least we now know where are the white women at?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=493pL_Vbtnc

  • AnOuthouse

    LePage has been eating his own dog food again.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Paul, Paul, Paul LePage
    The Con-tin-en-tal liar from the state of Maine!

  • Jeamonn

    I used to go by Smoothie King when I was selling smack in Maine, had to change it due to legal issues…long story short my legal team and I settled on using just Smoothie.

  • exinkwretch

    In a GOP sense, the Guv still qualifies as a “moderate” in that he didn’t bust out any actual racial slurs. They were only implied!

  • SpideySenser

    M̶a̶i̶n̶e̶-̶i̶t̶e̶s̶?̶ ̶M̶a̶i̶n̶e̶-̶a̶i̶n̶s̶?̶ Mainiacs.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    I thought smoothies were those things millenials buy in the mall and pretend they are healthy for them?

  • greyXstar

    But the pretty Fox ladies with the nice legs told me that racism doesn’t even exist anymore! I’m so confused…

  • NorthernSaber

    Well, first off we’re “Mainers” or “Maineiacs”. And no, don’t ever feel sorry for LePage’s spox- she’s spent so many years now defending this goon (after being plucked from a low-watt local tee-vee station in Bangor) that many of the 60% of us who didn’t vote for this asshole call her “Governor Adrienne.” Here’s the back-story to Maine’s current moral-panic: Over the last couple of months there has a been a series of high-profile heroin arrests in Maine. The common denominator in nearly all of these has been a connection with NYC, and yes, most of the folks implicated in this recent wave have been black. That said, the vast, vast, overwhelming number of drug cases in Maine (especially in lily-white Washington and Aroostook counties) have involved white Mainers- the same pale-male types who don’t hesitate to put a “Don’t re-Nig, America” bumpersticker on their truck (and the people behind Maine’s record-shattering number of meth lab discoveries in 2015.) But these are also the sad fucks who put this cretin in the Blaine House, so LePage can’t really go after them. And no, fellow Wonketeers, you can’t imagine the venal stupidity and slack-jawed ignorance of these people unless you are currently sitting in a time-warp from rural Alabama circa 1963. So Maine’s minority governor can’t even use the old “dog whistle” shit about “law and order”- his people are simply too fucking stupid to get it. So he trots out a couple names that Governor Adrienne thinks sound ethnic and scary, makes up some bullshit about “half the time…”, and a frighteningly large number of my fellow Mainers eat it up. I’m telling you- all of you- do not underestimate the draw of this hateful garbage- Trump has a megaphone WAY bigger than LePage’s, and lots of people waiting to hear this message. Giggle and point at our embarrassment all you like, but don’t think it isn’t falling on receptive ears.

    • Oblios_Cap

      At least you’re not Massholes.

    • Angry_Cop

      I’m telling you- all of you- do not underestimate the draw of this hateful garbage- Trump has a megaphone WAY bigger than LePage’s, and lots of people waiting to hear this message. Giggle and point at our embarrassment all you like, but don’t think it isn’t falling on receptive ears.

      Sad truth. You nailed it. You may not like it, but this shit sells and sells very well.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      The reason heroin has made such a big comeback is because so many people are getting hooked on Oxycontin, and heroin is cheaper than Oxy, so people switch over to heroin. I mention this because Shifty and D-Money didn’t just suddenly start driving up to Maine to offload their spare heroin and impregnate white girls.

    • Biff52

      Bangor? I don’t even know her!

  • Bill Slider

    We can officially call them Mainiacs according to some Google site.

  • not productive

    Stop impregnating Maine’s white women, DONNA.

  • I will now call Gov. LePage by his street name, D-bag! (Not properly) Representin’ Maine, bitchez!

  • jviscont1

    maybe Stephen King can write a creative way to write this character out of Maine’s story.

  • Angry_Cop

    “Incidentally, half the time they impregnate a young white girl before they leave,” LePage added. “Which is a real sad thing because then we have another issue that we’ve gotta deal with down the road.”

    Hey, maybe safe, easy access to abortion would…oh never mind, you don’t actually want to fix any problems.

  • Vegan and Tiara

    Do D-Money and Shifty listen to jazz and smoke Mary Jane while they’re in Maine? Asking for a friend.

    • Authutic “Shifty” dialogue: “Young man, I am very strung out and as a totally hip and with it chap, am in need of a reefer.”

  • Ayuh, that’s wicked good heroin. Especially when it’s cut with lobstah. #Allthestereotypes

  • Is it possible, Gov. LePage, that the young white girls keep offering to pay the heroin dealers a quarter if they’ll bust up a chiffrobe?

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I used to live in a major metro area that shall be nameless, and they had no subway or light rail system. Then they decided to build a light rail system, and put a station in my predominantly white working class neighborhood, which I thought was fantastic because I could take it to work and avoid rush hour. Well you should have heard everyone scream about how the “inner city element” (PC-speak for poor black people) would take the train out to our nice white neighborhood, steal all our TVs and VCRs, and take them home on the train. They would also rape all the white women. It was such bullshit I could hardly believe it. Even the local police said this was stupid. Guess what? They put in the station, and it didn’t happen, and now all the locals like it.

    Who steals a TV and then takes it home on the subway???? And mind you, this was in the days of tube TVs, not flat screens.

    • Sgt. Gym Bunny

      Because public transit is totally every criminal’s favorite mode of transportation. Not only do they carry a lock pick s kit but transit timetables.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Well good luck to the criminals because I couldn’t even lift my 26″ Sony tube TV, let alone carry it on the subway.

        • Sgt. Gym Bunny

          And just their luck, the train will be late…

    • SessileRaptor

      We had the same thing happen with a bike trail that runs through my neighborhood. A few people were convinced that the only thing keeping the criminal hordes at bay was a lack of eco- friendly transit options.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        We had the same thing in Missouri back in the 80’s. There was a movement to convert the MKT railroad, which runs all the way across the state, into a hiking-biking trail. Major hysteria ensued from neighboring landowners, but now, 40 years later, it is hugely popular, and greatly increased property values of said landowners.

        • SessileRaptor

          It’s insane, I’ve seen people make the same complaint about proposals to extend sidewalks and improve walkability. Complaining that if people can walk by their house they could walk up to the house and look in the windows and maybe decide to break in and steal stuff. Because that’s how crime works, one moment you’re out for an evening stroll and the next you’re committing a smash and grab and carrying off your neighbor’s TV.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Americans have this crazy Pioneer Mentality where they think they are Kings of their Little Castles and nobody else has the right to touch one square inch of their little white-picket-fence American Dream. And then along comes a state highway department wanting to build an interstate across your little plot, or a city wants to build curbs and storm drains, and you find out what Eminent Domain and Public Easements really means, and that you have been living with an illusion all your life. People can’t stand to have their illusions destroyed.

            Forty-five years ago my home town got a big state grant to install wheelchair ramps on all the corners of all the city sidewalks all over town, and people actually complained about this quite fiercely. Yes, it’s insane. Some people can’t stand to see a public benefit given to any minority group that they, themselves, are not a member of.

  • motmelere

    They chose LePage as their leader; is Maine-iacs too on the nose?

  • Doug White

    Pretty sure it’s “Maine-iacs”…..

  • kaw143

    To illustrate his point, and introduce his proposed solution, LePage then showed the crowd The Birth of a Nation noting, “It’s like history written in lightning.”

  • Land Shark

    The LePage Award … a special category of the Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year.

  • LePage: “The damn media is twisting everythjng around! All I meant was to imply that the women of Maine are total crack whores. See, perfectly innocent.”

  • mtn_philosoph

    LePage was elected in 2010 with 37.6% of the vote in a four-way race. He did not have the support of the majority of Mainers. He won reelection in 2014, again without a majority, in a three-way race. He did do much better the second time around though, getting 48.2% of the vote. The guy didn’t come out of nowhere. He was previously involved in city politics in Waterville and served as mayor for eight years, and his record there doesn’t look all that bad. LePage also has a rather interesting life story, surviving abject poverty and an abusive family and ultimately became homeless as a teenageer, and he speaks French as his first language (not unusual in Maine). He managed to work his way into college and distinguished himself there, and then later had a successful business career before entering politics. LePage is a Tea Party blowhard but he is not a stupid person.

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