Before we knew all about Maine Gov. Paul LePage, we just sort of thought of Maine as Mostly Harmless, home of Hawkeye Pierce, L.L. Bean, and semi-incomprehensible fishermen. Who knew that such high levels of dickbaggery ran through the blood of … Maine-ites? Maine-ains? … that they could have managed to elect such a human stain like LePage. You have to hand it to the guy, though. He really works hard to keep topping his own previous near-superhuman levels of awful. And he has to. When your previous achievements include starving the children of people with drug convictions and stopping cities from raising the minimum wage, you have to set your personal bar pretty high when you want to be even more of a horror show. LePage is up for the challenge, though, as he displayed at a Town Hall meeting Thursday night when he decided to share his totally reasonable thoughts about drug trafficking and race in response to a constituent question about what he was doing to fight drug abuse in Maine.
“Now the traffickers, these aren’t people that take drugs. These are guys by the name D-Money, Smoothie, Shifty,” LePage said, drawing chuckles from the crowd in Bridgton, ME. “These type of guys that come from CT and NY, they come up here, they sell their heroin, then they go back home.”
“Incidentally, half the time they impregnate a young white girl before they leave,” LePage added. “Which is a real sad thing because then we have another issue that we’ve gotta deal with down the road. We’re gonna make ‘em very severe penalties.”
Did your elderly grandmother feed Paul LePage those suggested drug dealer nicknames, because those are bad and your elderly grandmother should feel bad. We also really like the nice touch of him basically saying that then those strapping young black bucks also rape a white lady or two on their way out of town.
We pity the poor spokesperson who had to field one million calls after this story broke.
We’d like to think we’d come up with something better than this, but really, what on earth could you possibly say that would give context and nuance to LePage’s unhinged racist nonsense?
Someone over at the Washington Post thought they’d check to see if there were any recent arrests of drug traffickers with names straight out of your racist uncle’s big book of fake rapper names. You know, for context. And nuance. Lo and behold, not so much.
The same evening that LePage made his comments, the Maine DEA arrested three people in Maine for trafficking heroin. All three were white. (The state of Maine is about 94 percent white.) The alleged traffickers’ names are James, Jody and Donna.
Hmm. We’ll call them J-Money, Jo-Money, and … D-Money! Hey, whaddya know? Maybe LePage was on to something. Got the gender and the race wrong, of course, but you can’t expect miracles from a man that fully committed to being dumb.