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Not a picture of a transgender soldier.

As the old saying goes, “there are no transgenders in foxholes,” but that might have to be updated very soon, to something like “sometimes there are transgenders in foxholes” (which isn’t a good saying, really), because the AP is reporting that “Pentagon leaders are finalizing plans aimed at lifting the ban on transgender individuals serving in the military.” Chris Geidner at Buzzfeed says the announcement could even come Tuesday!

Senior U.S. officials say an announcement is expected this week. They say the military would have six months to determine the impact and work out details, with the presumption that they would end one of the last gender- or sexuality-based barriers to military service.

President Obama reportedly met with Defense Secretary Ash Carter on the subject last week, and they both agree that this is what they want to do, so wingnuts can add ONE MORE THING to the list of everything that happened to them during their terrible, horrible, no good, very bad summer.

So you mean that the simple fact that a person is transgender doesn’t mean they’re somehow unequipped to help the United States do all the war? Who knew? (Transgender people, many of whom have served in the military for AGES, but have had to hide it. They knew.)

This is good news, but don’t all you trans people run to the recruiting office just yet, because the report says there will be no changes during that six month transition period. And look, it takes time to transition, you transgender people know that. (Oh do not even start on Twitter, it’s a JOKE.)

And maybe that will give people who’ve been toying with the whole military idea some time to figure out whether they REALLY want to do it. First, move in with a bunch of your trans friends and put all your beds next to each other in one big room. Call each other “Private.” Then learn to waterboard each other! It’s just like trust falls, except for how you drown. And so on. This will be fun!

Of course, the part that sucks is that, since there are already trans people serving, they will still have to wait out that six months before being able to serve openly, or face the current consequences. But look, six months. It’ll be over before you know it.

[AP @ Huffington Post via The New Civil Rights Movement]

 

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  • Zippy

    No! It’s ice cream!

  • Me not sure

    I thought that honor went to George A. Custer. Wait… He was born a man?

    • eddi

      That fabulous hair was all-male. Just don’t ask about the horse.

  • SnarkOff

    Glitter bombs away!!!

  • Spotts1701

    Oh, lord. Nobody stick a microphone in Allen West or Jim Webb’s face about this. What they would say probably would make a Gunnery Sergeant blush.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Oh please. That assumes Allen West could pull his head out of his ass long enough to comment.

      • Zippy

        you assume he needs to…

  • Anarchy Pony

    The likeness is uncanny.

  • marxalot

    Well, girls will be boys and boys will be girls, and the opposite is also true. Molotov! Chins up, heads down, ignore the news for a little while. You know the drill.

    • riledupone

      Like the late great Long John Baldry said, “The gays are straight/and the straights are queer/ and the bi’s just call everybody dear/ ’cause A thrill’s a thrill-even in Paradise”.

  • stankbait

    I flunked English Comp. 2 and then flunked my induction physical in 1972.
    It was a draft. I went from 2S to 1A and then to 4F in 6 weeks.
    I was the luckiest man on the bus.

  • Callyson

    OK, normally I don’t go there because I don’t want to touch the poop, but I might just have to tune in FOX “News” just to see the freak-out…

    • elviouslyqueer

      Hannity’s head is going to E-X-P-L-O-D-E.

      • eddi

        Only if he truly believes what comes out of his mouth.

      • guppy06

        I think his hair will serve as some sort of firewall.

        • His head is a hurt locker; his hair, the lid.

    • Reddishrabbit

      I wonder what Billo has to say, seeing on how many front lines he has been one, some real hard one.
      God, Christmas 08, lost a lot of good friends. They kept saying happy holiday instead of merry christmas. I still wake in cold sweats.

      • VandeGraf

        Bill was there when the wall fell. He was there when that SS bunker exploded. He was there when Burnside (stupidly, in my view) ordered that bridge stormed. And he was there when that Dutch kid stuck his finger up the dike. (Oooh, that dint come out right.)

  • Latverian Diplomat

    The more that America’s armed forces reflect real America, instead of fascist wet dream America,, the better for all of us.

    • eddi

      A real selection of citizen soldiers are less likely to be easy meat for some demagogue.

  • schmannity

    Obama is trying to throw the 2016 election by wiping out the GOPee core with strokes and M.I.s.

  • fawkedifiknow

    Quick. Someone tell Ann Coulter he can sign up now.

    • starfanglednut

      :(

    • eddi

      Why do you hate the Armed forces of your country so bitterly?

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …once I saw 2 transgender women kick the ever loving shit out of a couple of assholes that were harassing them on the street. I feel much safer with them serving in our armed services!

    • VandeGraf

      I have always thought women had a taste for the jugular. Why would MtF TG’s be any different? Just say, How high, Ma’am?

  • Seek

    M*A*S*H was a bit ahead of the curve. Now Klinger will never get out of the army! So close

    • data_ninja

      I had Tony Packo’s for lunch today, and you cannot turn around in that place without seeing a picture of him hanging somewhere.

  • cleanfront

    GI Joe(lle)

    • eddi

      Josie’s got your boyfriend too.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    So we’re down to “There are no Bush brothers in foxholes” and “There are no Fox anchors in foxholes?”

    • Biff52

      ¡Jeb!didn’t serve either, did he?

      • VandeGraf

        W served in the Air NG, then selected the Don’t Send Me box, and ran out on his assigned station to work on someone’s campaign. Guy was a deserter, which you can do if you have connections.

  • JoeChristmas

    There are no transgender atheists in foxholes.

    Because foxholes are already filled with rats, dysentery, gore, mud, blood and desperate cries for help.

  • kindness

    Somehow, and I know this must be a stretch on my part, but if I’m in a foxhole with a trans GI and being shot at, the last thing I’m caring about is the GI next to me being trans. But I don’t think like the Einsteins at Fox.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Give em a small break. They’re STILL freaking out over letting the wimins in the fox holes with the mens and how much a distraction that has to be…when you are getting shot at and stuff. Because we all know how being shot at makes men folk all want to have sexy time in their fox holes or something

      • kindness

        NRA Syndrome?

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          oh man…now I have to go to my bunk
          I mean bunker. Alone. With my rifle. There are many like it but this one is MINE

          • Zippy

            at least until Nobummer takes it away

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            MINE! Bummerx can has it when he pries it from my cold dead hands. Give or take about 30 years

          • Toomush_Infer

            I think you mean gun…

          • BloviateMe

            …cuz that one’s for fun.

  • FauxAntocles

    Maybe someday even atheists will be able to serve.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      There aren’t any atheists in fox holes son. Except for the atheists who were in fox holes- ignore those ones, they don’t fit in with the script

      • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

        Well, both my grandfathers came out of the trenches of WWI as atheists. Commie atheists. I’m pretty sure they were both at least nominally christian going into that mess.

      • eddi

        The atheists in the foxhole are the ones blasting the ass off their attackers while the Xists pray for their master to save them.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I am so in love with this new, no-more-fucks-to-give Obama!

    • Zippy

      I wish he’d showed up in 2009, but better late than never. At least Bamz is getting stuff done- while the GOP desperately flails around trying to figure out a way to shut up Trump

      • marxalot

        He’s just saying what they’re all thinking! Which is the problem, since their whole strategy hinges on never saying it out loud, and now they have to respond to him.

        • Zippy

          as I’ve said elsewhere- Trump is the Republican id

        • starfanglednut

          “I don’t think this is how you get the Latino vote.” Honest-to-God quote from Lindsay Graham.

          • anniegetyerfun

            Heh. I never really thought much about it, but Trump does make Graham’s foreign policy look reasonable.

    • marxalot

      The President’s final policy initiative, Obamadon’tcare

    • Msgr_Moment

      None left to give.

      • Markuserektus

        He basically said he traded his bucket list for another that rhymed…

    • Antimassacree

      This version of Mr. Obama has earned the Wonkette Seal of Approval.

  • Zippy

    The military is allowing transgender people in, the boy scouts voted to allow gay scoutmasters, SCOTUS Ok’d gay marriage, ACA is confirmed as the law of the land, Jade Helm is underway as we speak, the Redneck Swastika came down in South Carolina and Kerry is getting ready to announce a Nukes deal with Iran.

    It’s all coming together… run for the hills wingnuts! The apocalypse is upon us!

    • Swampgas_Man

      Can’t wait for the Republicans to tell us all the ways they’re going to “fix” all this.

      • Peripatetic Poltroon

        They’ve already told us: reduce taxes on the rich. That works for everything.

      • Shibusa

        Platitudes, Prayer, Dismantling public unions, and Tax Cuts.

    • BeliTsari

      You can only rattle their cages for so long. Eventually you HAVE to let ’em out to feed on some damn thing? Figure they’re being distracted from something it would be BAD for them to notice?

    • VandeGraf

      News Break: The Apocalypse IS upon us. It’s just a lot slower and looks more post-post-meta-remodernist than Biblical.

  • Bill Slider

    That’s correct, sir, there are no transpeople in foxholes. Everyone gets to be a bottom once in a while. That’s why the Marine Corps motto is Semper Fi, always faithful, always.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      hm, I know a hecka lot of marines who have ex wives for forgetting that very motto

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    So that is what Jade Helm is hiding-Trans soldiers!
    I knew it sounded too fabulous to be a simple exercise

  • Msgr_Moment

    Is this a

    • guppy06

      Makes that tuck stay stuck!

      • But if you wanna fuck, you’re shit outta luck!

  • Joseph

    Soon they will boiling out of the hidden WalMart tunnels to ruin your families. They are coming for you. wear something nice – those dark blue pumps are nice.

    • marxalot

      And maybe that shirt that brings out your eyes, dear.

  • Zippy

    OT Scott Walker really is a shitweasel. That disingenuous fuck is blathering about the Iranian hostage crisis, complaining about the Obama administration “doing business” with Iran, as opposed to Saint Reagan “rescuing” the hostages. Hey shitferbrains, guess who “did business” with Iran to get those hostages released? Guess who sold them a bunch of fucking missiles so he could illegally finance his BS in Central America? Just Christ people must be completely brain dead to see anything sentient let alone worthy in this asshat…

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      *pets and soothes* if it makes you feel any better, I am pretty sure Jade Helm is going up to WI to stick Walker in a bunker full of Chinese under a walmart or something

      • Zippy

        Listening to him I’m more convinced than ever that the GOP is going all in on the grand bet that Americans have finally been dumbed down to the point where you don’t even have to pretend to make sense anymore as long as you mouth the right buzzwords.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Of course they are, they have worked very hard to make americans dumb as shit. It is growing pains though. It may suck for another decade or so, but by and by, all the lies and cluster fucking will eradicate any hope except among the most rabid of the rabid base and they are really a very (vocal) minority of this grand ole union.
          Either that or the entire thing is gonna explode. You simply can’t keep that many people down for that long with that many lies without a yoooge crushing 1 ton weight falling from the sky on you (with, or without votes. Let us hope with, for Baker is a pacifist pinko wimp).

    • FauxAntocles

      Only about 10% of us remember any of that shit.

      • VandeGraf

        I’m trying to forget. It’s hard.

      • guppy06

        Ronnie himself didn’t remember that shit for much more than a week.

        Ollie, on the other hand, really was lying when he said he didn’t recall.

        • He’d also be lying if he said that he didn’t wreck Hall.

    • cousin itt

      In one line, clearly made for campaign advertisements, Walker looked directly into the camera and said; “Going forward the world must know, there is no greater friend and no greater enemy than the United States of America.” http://www.cnn.com/2015/07/13/politics/scott-walker-2016-presidential-announcement/index.html

      The really, really godawful part of Walker’s rhetoric is how he shamelessly fucks with Christian scripture.

    • Lot_49

      Talking w/opponents = Neville Chamberlain
      Bombing opponents = Diplomacy*
      ____________________
      *plus big $$$ for defense contractors

    • clubseal

      The only history conservatives know rhymes with “Pine in heaven”.
      Doncha know, Iran hates us for our freedoms, not because we fucked up their country to ensure we got a piece of their oil pie.

  • That transgender SEAL’s uniform is faaabulous!

  • tegrat

    So I guess we’ll have call it John Helm from now on?

  • “There are no trans fats in donut holes.”

    – Michelle Obama

  • Kat Anyperson

    That is awesome. Very equality nice time.

  • BloviateMe

    Oh great. Just fucking great. Next bestiality is going to be able to serve, along with the toaster it’s married to. Ever try to pin stripes on a toaster, libtards?

    • Sterculius

      Maybe entire platoons will get group married, and then when they get on each others’ nerves they can take it out on ISIS.

    • Mickey Bitsko

      “Be able to serve?” Not only that, next they’re going to reintroduce the draft but only for bestialitors!

      Now excuse me, I’ve got hot date with Gen. Chesty McHairychest (ret.)

  • zerosumgame0005

    you forgot the Sgt who screams at you from 0-DARK-00 until lights-out, and OMFG the rants about having a tight bed

    • guppy06

      OMFG the rants about having a tight bed

      Why can’t you tuck in as well as the MtF?

  • Biff52

    6 months. Just lie back and enjoy it!

  • Charles Cates

    That seal flopped its way into a bar and when asked what drink would you like replied “Anything but a Canadian club.

    • elpinche

      Ba dump bump tssssssss!

      • Zippy

        hey, I heard your cousin broke out of prison!

    • Markuserektus

      What do walrus and Tupperware have in common?
      They both like tight seals…

  • VandeGraf

    Pretty soon the only thing the gays won’t be doing is girls. Except for the girl gays. That reminds me, is Caitlyn Jenner a lesbian?

  • Left Coast Tom

    Oh, sure, that seal looks cute, but what s/he’s really thinking is “are you edible?”, “are you a fish?”.

    • guppy06

      So does my cat.

  • BeckyLB

    Whelp, time for me to report in, being the resident transgender veteran ’round here.

    There are a LOT of transgender servicemembers and vets. I mean, way above the standard deviation for normal people. Lots of MtF types will join up in a (futile) attempt to “man up”, and on the flip side, lots of FtMs tend to join for the same reason (learning how to be a man, et al).

    Now, down to brass tacks here, I honestly DO see a few issues with trans people serving. It’s less to do with the social aspects, and more to do with medical issues. Being transgender tends to come with quite a few comorbid mental issues, depression being the biggest. That’s something that’ll need to be managed in an effective way, in order to maintain readiness. As for the physical aspects, hormone replacement and such requires some pretty intensive monitoring, at least during the initial 6-12 months. Lots of testing and such needs to be done, as the dosing for hormones needs to be watched closely, and the anti-androgen style drugs have their own effect profiles to take into account. Quick example being, spironolactone is a commonly used anti-androgen. It’s also a potent diuretic. Not really something you’d want a soldier who’s deployed to the middle east taking, where dehydration and heat stroke can be a killer. Along with that, there’ll need to be a balance worked out between the needs of the military, and time frames needed for transition (it’s not an instant flip, time-frames of 5-10 years between start and finish happen).

    Of course, none of these are impossible hurdles to surmount. An honest discussion that brings together medical experts with policy makers can find a solution that both meets the needs of the military, AND meets the needs of transgender troops who need access to care. It can be done, we just need to be aware of the hurdles and work around them.

    As for servicemembers who can’t handle working with a fellow transgender troop…well, they can just take a hike and GTFO of my military. You back your buddies no matter what. If you’d abandon a brother or sister in arms over something like them being trans, well….you’re a worthless person and the military is better off without you.

    Now, on this note, if the DoD is willing to accept transgender troops, then the stupid law prohibiting any surgical treatment for trans veterans in the VA healthcare system needs to go.

    • Zippy

      This sounds like a well thought, considered comment

      I’m finding it exceedingly hard to masturbate to…

      • BloviateMe

        There’s masturbation in foxholes.

        • VandeGraf

          Really? Isn’t that called something else?

          • Anarchy Pony

            Combat jack.

          • Zippy

            bestiaity in most states…

        • Zippy

          .

        • BeckyLB

          Contrary to popular rumor, CLP is NOT an effective personal lubricant, and should not be used as such.

          Yes, I had a soldier report to my aid station with that little “issue”. 1SG ended up having a formation to expound on that topic a few days later. It was awkward for all involved.

          • eddi

            So much for “all purpose”.?

    • BloviateMe

      Man, the military was tough enough with the extra hurdles.

      Much respect (salute).

      • BeckyLB

        It was hard, I admit, but not totally impossible. The most difficult part was the same thing that affected the LGB side of the acronym during DADT. Having to basically lie to the people you’re trusting with your life is a very difficult thing to do.

        Bonds in the military can be extremely strong. It’s cliche, but the people you work with end up almost being a second family. Keeping those sorts of secrets really sucks the morale out of you.

        I’m just glad they’re actually discussing this in a serious matter. There are a LOT of good trans servicemembers out there, and they deserve the same amount of respect and backing that any soldier/sailor/airman/marine would receive.

    • VandeGraf

      So, you’re saying that the TG thing renders people sorta complicated and fucked up mentally and physically? Subtle and nuanced interactions are not part of the military repertoire. I don’t know about how this is going to be handled, but I’d feel a mite tetchy about having to deal with someone’s gender ID issues AND walk point.

      • BeckyLB

        EVERYONE is sorta complicated and fucked up mentally and physically, in one way or another. Sure, gender things can be complex to deal with, but so are hundreds of other medical conditions the military deals with every day.

        You treat ’em, you get them healthy, and get them back in the fight. I don’t care if it’s being trans, PTSD, anxiety issues, a broken leg, traumatic brain injury, whatever. I’ve seen the military healthcare system deal with things a LOT more complex and nuanced, in order to keep a valuable servicemember.

        The trick will be, figuring out the best way to maintain a trans servicemember as an effective member of the team, while addressing treatment in a fair way.

        • VandeGraf

          Jeebus, BeckyLB, pretty soon there’s gonna be organ music in the air. Do you really think the military will get this right? My military still used teletypes and M16’s with full auto selectors. I know they could not have handled it! I’m not saying they shouldn’t try, but I wouldn’t get my hopes up.

      • BloviateMe

        I was just an Air Force princess, to be sure, but I don’t think I served with any swingin’ dick or vulva that didn’t have issues.

    • Blank Ron

      You mentioned medical considerations. I know what you mean. My housemate is a post-op M-F TG… good grief, going back a quarter century now. When she needs medical care she has to go into some detail with doctors so they aren’t surprised. I would think that in a combat situation there’d be the possibility of even more chance of error.
      Not something most people would ever have cause to think about, eh?

      • BeckyLB

        Yup. On the flips side of that, there aren’t a whole lot of combat trauma issues where transgender status one way or the other will be relevant. You make the blood stay inside, you make the air go in and out, and get them evac’ed to a forward surgical team.

        The trip up comes when you run into something like what happened to me. Sure, lots of people saw pictures of forward operation bases in Iraq with Subway, Pizza hut, a shopping center, swimming pools, etc. Continuing hormonal therapy in such an environment isn’t an issue. On the OTHER hand, you can be sent to an FOB where just getting a hot meal that isn’t an MRE is reason for celebration. I was at one of those.

        Hormones are not something you just want to stop, once they get going and settled in. Most civs will think “Well, duh, just station a trans troop where they can get hormones”, but that really isn’t fair to your fellow soldiers. Saying “Nope, can’t go, I’m trans” is just scummy, and soldiers who do that sort of thing with non-trans medical issues are treated like dirt.

        So yeah, there are honestly issues like that which will need to be addressed. It can be done, for sure. It’ll be difficult to get right, and I’m positive there will be bumps in the road, but I’m pretty confident with the US military. They may grumble and complain at first, but when the order comes down to make it happen, it will happen.

  • clubseal

    Seems a rough stretch as a Nice Time. I have a hard time celebrating even more people being able to go off and murder brown folk for the empire our freedums.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Yeah, but still, less legal discrimination. One day a transgender soldier might be a joint chief or adviser and convince the president not to go to war. You never know.

  • blaid droog

    Fran Lebowitz once said she could never be a communist because she didn’t work well with groups. Q once said to Geordy,”I don’t work well with groups”. That pretty much sums me up. Also,I find it inconceivable to want to work for a country that would happily incarcerate me just because I like to suck dick.

    • cousin itt

      Have you considered other ways to serve dick?

      Dick l’orange comes me now.

      • Alex Grey

        My Sincerely held religious beliefs™ prevent me from commenting on this comment…

        • proudgrampa

          It’s just as well. Your comment would not have been allowed in the first place!

    • guppy06

      But you’d get to bomb countries that would happily do far more than incarcerate you*!

      *(These would be completely different from the countries that are our Good Friends and Allies, of course.)

      • I just sporadically replied to every one of your comments in reverse order to when they were posted, because – much like those aforementioned countries – I’m bombed.

        • guppy06

          At least one of us had a good excuse to be awake and online.

      • Blank Ron

        This week, anyway. Who knows what will happen after the weekend?

        • guppy06

          Then our Friends and Allies and Enemies of Freedom will swap places and the process will be again. It’s the Circle of War!

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