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The spanking, it stung, YAY!

The Republican candidates for 2016 have spoken, and they are not one bit happy with all this gaiety today. Their reactions ranged from sadly resigned to reality, to promises to fight the decision forever — they will fight the gays in the fields and in the streets, fight them in the hills, but not fight them on the beaches because they might see a guy in a speedo and that would simply be too much — to saying nothing at all because they’re too busy crying, apparently.

The Sad Realists

Jeb! Bush issued the mildest sort of condemnation possible, and said we need to try to be nice to each other anyway, for God:

Guided by my faith, I believe in traditional marriage. I believe the Supreme Court should have allowed the states to make this decision. I also believe that we should love our neighbor and respect others, including those making lifetime commitments. In a country as diverse as ours, good people who have opposing views should be able to live side by side. It is now crucial that as a country we protect religious freedom and the right of conscience and also not discriminate.”

Also, I am thinking about the general election, and I will let the rest of you loons scream at each other about this one in the primaries, because this looks like a done deal.

Marco Rubio joined Jeb! Bush on the “I hate gays as much as anyone, but whatchagonnado?” bus, saying many nice things about good Man-Woman marriage, griping that the Supremes should have butted out of the States’ business, and explaining that hey, the law’s the law, man:

While I disagree with this decision, we live in a republic and must abide by the law. As we look ahead, it must be a priority of the next president to nominate judges and justices committed to applying the Constitution as written and originally understood.

Also, too, Marco Rubio for president because he’ll appoint gooder Supreme Court justices who will protect your right to be a bigot for religion.

Rubio’s social media team wasn’t on top of things at all — his twitter page offered this for much of the morning:

ummmm

And then when the twitter was updated, it was with a link to his campaign swag store, not to his statement on the SCOTUS decision.

Ben Carson, who knows that gays come from prison, was surprisingly OK with the decision, and kept his comments blessedly short:

While I strongly disagree with the Supreme Court’s decision, their ruling is now the law of the land. I call on Congress to make sure deeply held religious views are respected and protected. The government must never force Christians to violate their religious beliefs.

He added that he still thought civil unions were the modern, up-to-date way to go on this, because “marriage is a religious service not a government form.”

Lindsey Graham joined Rubio, Carson, and Jeb! in shrugging his shoulders and moving on to other things, like talking about what foreign countries we should bomb. He had the usual boilerplate about how he believes in traditional marriage and states’ rights, but added that there’s no political gain in fighting SCOTUS Hall:

“Given the quickly changing tide of public opinion on this issue, I do not believe that an attempt to amend the U.S. Constitution could possibly gain the support of three-fourths of the states or a supermajority in the Congress,” he said.

He called that kind of approach “a divisive effort that would be doomed to fail” and said he would instead be on watch for the religious rights of Americans in the aftermath of the ruling, both as a senator and if he were to become President.

Graham also preemptively rolled his eyes and sighed as he anticipated the inevitable wave of completely obvious blog comments about how he can finally get married now. “God, you’d think they could at least try to be creative,” he almost certainly muttered.

Grumbly But Vague

Carly Fiorina said things on Facebook about “an activist Court ignoring its constitutional duty to say what the law is and not what the law should be” and also that the Court didn’t really settle anything because lots of people still disagree. At least she managed not to remind us that she ran Hewlett-Packard into the ground again.

Rick Perry seemed to be stuck in the Denial stage of grief, and explained that the Supremes didn’t have the power to redefine marriage, so he sees no reason to pay attention to the Court:

I am disappointed the Supreme Court today chose to change the centuries old definition of marriage as between one man and one woman. I’m a firm believer in traditional marriage, and I also believe the 10th Amendment leaves it to each state to decide this issue. I fundamentally disagree with the court rewriting the law and assaulting the 10th Amendment. Our founding fathers did not intend for the judicial branch to legislate from the bench, and as president, I would appoint strict Constitutional conservatives who will apply the law as written.

So there. It’s not a real law, after all, because he believes in the Tenth Amendment, so vote for Rick Perry!

Breathing Fire for the Base

Bobby Jindal was ready to man the barricades, and warned that the next step is almost certainly going to be mass persecution of Christians. Or more mass persecution, since Christians are already the most persecuted people in America:

Marriage between a man and a woman was established by God, and no earthly court can alter that.

This decision will pave the way for an all out assault against the religious freedom rights of Christians who disagree with this decision. This ruling must not be used as pretext by Washington to erode our right to religious liberty.

The government should not force those who have sincerely held religious beliefs about marriage to participate in these ceremonies […]

I will never stop fighting for religious liberty and I hope our leaders in D.C. join me.

Update: The Jindal administration announced that the state will just plain ignore the Supreme Court of the United States for now, and will not issue any marriage licenses or recognize same-sex marriages from other states:

“Current state law is still in effect until the courts order us otherwise,” said Mike Reed, Jindal’s spokesman in the governor’s office.

“There is not yet a legal requirement for officials to issue marriage licenses or perform marriages for same-sex couples in Louisiana,” [Attorney General Buddy] Caldwell said in a written statement.

You might think the Supreme Court is an actual order, but Jindal’s waiting on the 5th Circuit Court to take up a case it had delayed while waiting on the Supreme Court to decide. So it’s likely to only be a short delay. But hey, nice touch of douchebag, Bobby.

Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker, who hasn’t officially declared, but come on, you know he will, loves the Constitution so much that he thinks we need to fix it, since it allows “five unelected judges” to interpret what it means:

As a result of this decision, the only alternative left for the American people is to support an amendment to the U.S. Constitution to reaffirm the ability of the states to continue to define marriage.

Walker also promised that nobody in Wisconsin will ever be “coerced” to act against their religious beliefs, and called on the President and all the governors to pledge that no one will ever be forced to bake a gay penis wedding cake against their will, because Freedom.

Mike Huckabee went predictably ballistic, explaining that mere human courts cannot make law on “something only the Supreme Being can do” and vowing that he “will not acquiesce to an imperial court any more than our Founders acquiesced to an imperial British monarch. We must resist and reject judicial tyranny, not retreat.” Get that man a musket! In fact, Huckabee explained that what the Supreme Court did this morning was literally impossible:

The Supreme Court can no more repeal the laws of nature and nature’s God on marriage than it can the law of gravity. Under our Constitution, the court cannot write a law, even though some cowardly politicians will wave the white flag and accept it without realizing that they are failing their sworn duty to reject abuses from the court.

He was a little less clear about what he intends to do about it, but we’re guessing it involves another promise to protect the sacred religious freedoms of pizza parlors.

America’s Creepy Uncle Rick Santorum went with the “five unelected justices” crap too, and reminded real Americans that the Supreme Court has made some really terrible decisions that supported slavery and segregation, too, just like today’s decision did:

[Just] as they have in cases from Dred Scott to Plessy, the Court has an imperfect track record. The stakes are too high and the issue too important to simply cede the will of the people to five unaccountable justices.

Santorum also promised that when he’s President (hahahahahaha), he will “lead a national discussion on the importance to our economy and our culture of mothers and fathers entering into healthy marriages so that every child is given their birthright- to be raised by their mother and father in a stable, loving home” that does not include anyone doing anything that could result in the substance named after him.

Supreme Court? That’s Not Til Monday, Right?

Donald Trump was still mostly busy being angry at Univision and all those damned Messicans, but took a moment out of his screamfest to gripe about the gay marriage decision… or so we thought at first, but actually, no, John Roberts was one of the dissenters, so these were gripes about yesterday’s Obamacare decision. Has Trump even turned on the TV today?

This guy has no clue. He really has no idea!

As “president,” Donald Trump will still be plotting revenge on Univision, which would certainly make for some interesting press conferences.

Q: “Mr. President, what do you think of the latest Russian arms shipments to the Texas rebels?”

A: If Univision thinks that a war in Texas gets them off the hook for canceling their coverage of Miss Universe, they’re in for a big surprise!”

Ted Cruz and Rand Paul didn’t have anything to say, for which we thank them, because Jesus, how many of these fucks are running for president? George Pataki has apparently not said anything either, because who would even care?

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  • kindness

    Fox programming reminder: Republicans should no longer use the phrase ‘Cramming down our throats’.

    The new improved statement will be ‘Shoved up our butts’. Get with the program.

  • AnnieW

    Scary that Ben Carson sounds the most reasonable in this bunch. And Trump? His antics will make sure that Univision will win in his lawsuit…

    • bobbert

      I sort of agree with Uncle Ben, but where we probably differ is that I would first require every law in every jurisdiction in the US to be edited to put “civil union” everywhere “marriage” appears, and “civil partner” everywhere “spouse” (or equivalent), and similar editing.

      I agree that “marriage” should be an entirely religious concept (which means, incidentally, that gays could still get married), but the basic problem is that right now “marriage” is also a legal concept. Fix that, and “civil union” becomes the legal/financial union, and “marriage” is the (optional) spiritual union.

      I don’t think Dr Carson has actually thought it through that far.

      • mtn_philosoph

        There is nothing inherently religious about the practice of marriage. Marriage status has distinct civil-legal attributes and obligations associated with it.

  • Incoming Ham

    I am extremely concerned that Ben Carson has sounded reasonable twice in the past two weeks.

    • Bob@Bob.com

      it won’t last

      • Incoming Ham

        You’re right. He will fall back into the vat of Kool Aid soon enough.

    • Rocky

      Like a broken clock, a conservative can be accidentally right twice a month

      • Incoming Ham

        He’s hit his quota.

  • FauxAntocles

    I wonder if the Klown Kar is segregated: semi-lucid toward the front, completely nutsos in the back (you don’t want the nutsos too close to the steering wheel).

    • Mintie

      Where does the one woman sit, and have they gagged her to keep her from nagging about asking for directions?

      Or are they letting her drive, because that would make so much sense.

      • Amy!

        They were gonna have her navigating (and asking for directions, naturally), but after going around the block three or four times, they held a quick caucus, and stuffed her in the trunk.

        • Mintie

          Guess that’ll be the end of the entire GOP’s presidential run for 2016 once a good-hearted African American (because it’s always an African American) hears her banging on the trunk and calls the police.

  • jesuswasablack

    “religious freedom rights of Christians who disagree with this decision”
    Hey Bobby what about the Mooslims they hate the ghey too! Don’t you care about their freedom to be bigots? Are you running for President of the Christian States United of America or the United States of America?

    • Michael Smith

      I’ve actually noticed quite a few Muslims commenting on Facebook saying things like “America embrace now sin, will fall soon for this with God angry.”

      And I wonder if the ultra-Christians are like “well I guess Mooslims are good for two things after all: gay-bashing and English grammar”

  • VandeGraf

    Marco is interested in “the way it was understood” in the olden days. I wonder if he takes the same approach to the Fed, the draft, the amount of states (we certainly have too many!), slavery (we apparently don’t have enough), and all that malarkey about clean air and water, which, previously, was not a thing.

    • FauxAntocles

      The definition of conservative is never letting anything change. Apparently Marco (Polo!) has defined his baseline.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …I love how these idiots love to use terms like “natures law” or “traditional” when they are referring to same sex marriage. As if the fukkin flamingos on the Tanzanian salt flats are wearing tuxedos or wedding gowns and having wedding ceremonies.

    • Penguins and seagulls certainly have homosexual mating.

      • marxalot

        And swans! And some simians.

    • Reddishrabbit

      I’d actually like to see that

  • FauxAntocles

    SarahJo and the Trumpster would make a perfect team of airhead running mates.

  • Rocky

    Watching the funeral.

    Who the fuck has been cutting all these onions now the past couple days. My eyes are cried out!!

    • docterry6973

      A masterful speech based on the Christian concept of grace. Not bad for a Muslim.

  • Bob@Bob.com

    I think the focus on buttsex here is a little sexist.

    • cousin itt

      I could run with scissors.

      • Rocky

        Can a couple run while scissoring??

        • marxalot

          It’s great cardio, is all I’m saying.

          • Rocky

            Videos?

          • Amy!

            It’s fun. But … I’d rather dive in, personally. :-)

    • Msgr_Moment

      Dok was not permitted to run with scissors.

    • Au contraire, many lesbians (and straight women) also like ass-fucking.

  • Apparently Marco Rubio seems to think EPA stands for Equal Penis Access.

  • janecita

    It makes me so happy to see Republicans upset! I hope that it becomes a daily occurrence.

    • Reddishrabbit

      I can’t wait (knock on wood, salt over shoulder) till Nov 16 (hopefully) when (knock on wood more) they see the all little check next to Hilary

    • Axomamma

      I prefer not. If they remain at a boil too long, they tend to explode in ways that are fatal to innocent fellow human beings, as happened in SC.

      • mtn_philosoph

        To be fair Dylann Roof was not a Republican politician but rather a right wing racist wack- … Oh never mind.

  • Joshua Norton

    So weird how conservatives are way more afraid of gay people getting married than they are of psychos getting guns.

    • janecita

      Those psychos getting the guns are their electorate.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Hmm. I wonder if there might be a connection of some sort.

      • jmk

        It has long been my contention that these eedjits are really just afraid that gay men will treat them the way they treat women.

        • Boscoe

          NAILED. IT.

    • Amy!

      Or corporations getting congressmen/senators.

  • Mintie

    OMG that picture . . .

    Can we all agree to not use the term “butthurt” when referring to Gay Rights? Not because it’s inappropriate, but because the sheer gloriousness of the pun/innuendo distracts me from the important part.

    Plus everyone around me keeps asking why I’m giggling, and if I explain, I’m going to have to see HR. Again.

    • mtn_philosoph

      Right, it should be “throat soreness.”

      • david green

        Don’t they make some kind of throat spray for that?

        • mtn_philosoph

          I’m not sure, maybe. It would have to be a conceptual throat spray formulated to treat acute cognitive discomfort brought on by metaphorical throat-cramming.

  • jesuswasablack

    “Jeb pushed him hard”

    Sounds like a gay porno title!

    • dslindc

      Well, Jeb! has to have something to fall back on if (when) he isn’t elected.

      • Amy!

        Fall back on? That’s a different genre of porn from pushing hard, no? Or at least a different role.

    • Zippy

      Now he’s stuck with Santorum as a running mate

      • Boscoe

        Or at least a used paper towel…

  • dslindc

    I’m glad the GOP jobs program (sometimes called running for President) is keeping the sad talking point regurgitators employed. This is what they mean when they say, “Jobs, Jobs, Jobs,” all the time, I guess.

    • Amy!

      Blow, hand, rim.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    If only Lindsey Lohan Graham would open that closet door and come out to breathe the fresh air. I’m sure he could lock up the Log Cabin Repdumblican demographic.

  • cheetojeebus

    A smorgaysborg of delightful schadenfreude!

    • nice_marmot

      “Smorgaysborg.” Heh heh heh. Nice!

  • Spotts1701

    Sorry, fellas. No amount of kvetching and rending of garments is going to get the toothpaste back into the tube. It’s happening today, tomorrow and every day.
    Your objections have been noted and logged. Now hit the bricks!

  • So, basically, a bunch of people who have a worse understanding of civics, especially the principle of the tyranny of the majority, than a C+ student in eighth grade want to be President.

  • schmannity

    Last week, African Americans. This week, LGBT Americans, not counting Trump’s Mexican Standoff. Who will be bounced out of the GOPee tent next week?

    • NationalGalleryofClipArt

      Vegans.

      & Frum thought he was safe…

  • SK

    He added that he still thought civil unions were the modern, up-to-date way to go on this, because “marriage is a religious service not a government form.”

    But of course it is. After all didn’t Ben propose that he plans to make civil unions legal on his first day in office? No? Then he must have outlined his plan for getting Congress to have a bill authorizing it on his desk to sign for his first day in office. No? Really? Oh wait, he did say that gubmint should not be in the service of marriage. So he must have had a plan to sign an executive order to end straight marriage? No?

    The fuck!

    Oh I get it, he is OK with civil unions or removing marriage from gubmint as long as the same hate-filled assholes who prevent gay marriage today would rally behind his non-cause.

    Hey, who said Ben wasn’t smart?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Gays have been getting married in religious ceremonies for decades. Conservative bigots don’t run every religion (though they try).

      But a purely religious marriage with no state standing ain’t worth squat in many every day ordinary situations like estates, taxes, hospital visitation, etc. That’s what this case was really about. State recognized marriage is what counts.

      • SK

        Which is why NO politician would fight for it.

    • bobbert

      Ben is a fucking surgeon. Anybody who as ever known, say, two surgeons understands Ben.

      • SK

        So, not you. Thanks for playing.

  • DahBoner

    If you don’t like gay marriage, don’t get gay-married. It’s as simple as that.

    Do you believe that Obama’s busybody Nazi Storm Trooper Robots should be poking their sensors in somebody else’s bid’ness?

    http://media2.giphy.com/media/Gsl3ZlY2IRTby/200w_d.gif

  • schmannity

    GOPeePee: Respect the Rule of Law unless you disagree with it.

  • Tallmutha

    Why, there’s almost a touch of Lear on the heath about ol’ Huck–

    “I shall do such things – what are they are yet I know not; but they shall be the terrors of the earth!”

    Minus the pathos, and the stature, and the poetry, and–OK, well, not so Shakespearean actually. Actually just kind of douchey.

  • Land Shark

    Marriage between a man and a woman was established by God, and no earthly court can alter that.

    Maybe the nuns I had didn’t know everything, but I don’t seem to recall the verse in the bible that states this explicitly. Anyone? Bueller?

    • Tallmutha

      It’s where God made Eve for Adam because it wasn’t good for him to be alone and then told them to be fruitful and multiply.

      Yeah, do you see the part where he has a clergyperson officiate while they exchange vows in a religious ceremony, I don’t either.

      • Land Shark

        You sure God wasn’t talking to Eve & the Snake?

        • Zippy

          according to an especially ugly group of Xtian bigots, that’s where Teh Jooz come from

          • Land Shark

            And here I was taught that’s where Republicans come from. My bad.

          • Zippy

            I’m betting you’re closer to the truth

          • Zippy

            I’m betting you’re closer to the truth

      • Tallmutha

        Also, God has not commented on whether, if he had created 20 couples in Genesis, one or two of those might have been male/male or female/female, mainly because he doesn’t exist.

    • Bahhhdman

      It’s only in one of those Easy Reader Bibles favored the fundies.

      I was raised Episcopalian, and recall no such Bible verses, either.

  • Notreelyhelping

    And Henry will never be allowed to marry Anne Boelyn! Never!

  • OneYieldRegular

    If ever there was a day when I don’t give a god gooddamn about what any of these people might have to say…

  • whitroth

    I absolutely agree about those activist judges. I mean, the unelected lawyers who installed Bush, instead of the elected Gore as President….

    mark

  • LarryHoudini

    NOW AT THE MARCO RUBIO SWAG STORE:
    Poland Spring® 20 oz. 100% Water (unfluoridated) one case $15.00
    SAVE MONEY, SAVE AMERICA, VOTE RUBIO

    • Amy!

      Save money, save Rubio, vote HIllary!

  • A Constitution amendment to guarantee ‘state´s rights’ over marriage would also roll back Loving v Virginia. Jindal’s isn’t married to a white woman, is he?

  • MrBlobfish

    Doomed to Fail: Your 2015 GOP

  • Zippy

    Carly- the definition of judicial activism is “anything I don’t like” Pulling a ruling out of thin air that corporations are people is perfect sensible though

    Huckabee- all you atheists need to line up for your scarlet A’s, because you will have no rights whatsoever in my theocracy. Also too, I’m so dumb I think judges write laws

    Walker- I love the Constitution… except when I don’t

    Perry- There are three things wrong with today’s ruling- it violates the laws of God, it usurps states rights and ah, erm…

    Frothy- I’m gonna blather about healthy marriages between a man and a woman and blather some more about how teh childrens need a mommy and a daddy and I’m gonna pointedly ignore that the unwed slut Brisdull just announced that she got knocked up yet again with no ring from the babby daddy

    Teh Donald- What about me?!?!? I just lost my stupid pageant! oh yeah, I hate gheys almost as much as I hate Messicans…

    • AntiDerpomeme

      Bravo. Almost as succinct as Kaili’s earlier Wonksplainer on today’s SCOTUS ruling.

    • Amy!

      “Corporations are people” actually dates back to the nineteenth century (to all our sorrow). Citizens United is best summarized as “Money is speech,” in defiance of at least three centuries of American electoral corruption.

    • bobbert

      It’s interesting that the Kochs have Scooter hanging out around the edge of the Republiclusterfuck. I assume they’re waiting for a time where a few of the more obvious idiots have self-deported., with the idea that Walker would appear as the savior (funny how that was supposed to be ¡HEB!, but here you go).

      It’s probably a good strategery, but it’ll be fucked if one of the kurrent klownz develops some traction.

  • Bitter Scribe

    The last paragraph of the Times-Picayune* article you linked to:

    “Marriage between a man and a woman was established by God, and no earthly court can alter that,” Jindal said in a written statement while traveling in Iowa, “If we want to save some money lets just get rid of the court.”

    What a great idea! And the president of the United States costs lots of money, what with Air Force One and that White House staff, so let’s get rid of him, too. And when was the last time the Constitution ever made us any money?
    *The coolest name for a major newspaper I’ve ever seen.

    • Tallmutha

      Bobby, as Paul LePage could tell you, people can get a little touchy when you suggest an institution should be defunded because they make choices you don’t like.

  • Reddishrabbit

    It’s the theory of gravity.
    And it is wrong.
    It is only the spaghetti monster that keeps us from spinning off.

    • arglebargle

      I was thinking the same thing. But I’m no scientist so I wasn’t gonna say nuttin.

      • Boscoe

        Don’t have ta be no scientist ta unnerstand the stickiness of tomato paste. It’s self evident!

        • arglebargle

          Oh, you mean like when it says in the Declaration of Independence, “We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal…”

      • Reddishrabbit

        Science sooo hard, brain freeze

  • trueblue

    lol these losers will NEVER Be POTUS.

  • JMPesq

    Well, this case is comparable to Dred Scott and Plessy vs. Ferguson – if the Court had ruled the other way in those cases, protecting the rights of minorities and defending human freedom against bigotry and tyranny as they did here.

    • Axomamma

      Yeah, the dissonance in that argument is skull shattering.

    • bobbert

      That’s an excellent observation. The cases are comparable; the rulings are contrasting.

  • Shalimar

    vote for Rick Perry!

    You assume Rick Perry would say this, but, has any debate moderator ever asked Rick Perry to state his name? Are we 100% positive that Rick Perry would remember his own name if it wasn’t in the script?

    “vote for Your Name Here!!!!!!!!”

    • Reddishrabbit

      His lucky it is only two names, not three.

      • Shalimar

        His middle name is Ni**erhead. He never forgets that.

  • Reddishrabbit

    Just curious, what natural law? There is plenty of evidence of animals being involved with the same sex. They don’t have warfare like we do. They also don’t have money. Rather communist actually. And naked.
    So, I guess we should be naked communist.
    Actually, sounds too bad….

    • JustPixelz

      Conservatives are eerily silent on “natural law” when it comes to the effects of sending fucktons of CO2 into the atmosphere.

      • Blank Ron

        CO2 is natural, so let’s make lots of it!

    • Ilgattomorte

      Natural Law refers exclusively to biblical law which can never be challenged. These are laws written by men who spoke directly to God. God no longer speaks to us, so these laws can never be modified or updated. You see, it is not that God is angry, he just has crap phone service. God unfortunately has Comcast and has been on the phone with tech support for the last 6000 years.

      Even in Heaven you can’t get FIOS. Damn communications monopoly.

      • bobbert

        I thought Natural Law was whatever I naturally pull out of my ass.

  • Shalimar

    As “president,” Donald Trump will still be plotting revenge on Univision, which would certainly make for some interesting press conferences.

    As president, Donald Trump won’t have to sue, because he can nuke any group that bruises his ego. Think about that whenever you feel like laughing at his buffoonery.

    “President Trump nukes Toronto in retaliation for joke; Canadian ambassador had requested repatriation of the beaver on Trump’s head”

    • Land Shark

      That beaver has been trying to escape for years …

  • Joshua Norton

    I am 100% sure all the other Republican candidates are going to beat-up Bobby Jindal and take his lunch money.

    • Boscoe

      -And then later pretend to befriend him just long enough to talk him into sticking his tongue on a frozen flagpole.

      • bobbert

        A triple-piyush-dare.

        • NationalGalleryofClipArt

          Careful. Christie’s Italian-American ego is quite frageelee & easily bruised, & he doesn’t want to be left out from getting his mouthhhole around anything.

  • JustPixelz

    It’s hard to decide which of these S-M-R-T Republicans has earned the sobriquet “Noun-Verb-626”. Except Trump. He is “Univision-Verb-666”.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Attention Jindal etc.: You know, it’s possible to have a marriage that’s not “established by God” but is established by the state of New Jersey or Alabama or Louisiana or wherever. In fact, there are some people who even prefer it that way.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Marriage predates monotheism by thousands, probably tens of thousands of years.

      The Venus of Willendorf has a better shot at being the inventor than Yahweh.

  • JustPixelz

    [Just] as they have in cases from Dred Scott to Plessy, the Court has an imperfect track record. — Rick Santorum

    He forgot Citizens United, Bush v Gore, Hobby Lobby.

    • nmmagyar

      Weren’t Dred Scott and Plessy both states rights cases?

      • Amy!

        States’ Rights? Something to do with the Tenth Amendment? But no court worries about that one, not since nullification in the (eighteen) thirties!

      • JustPixelz

        Those were no rights cases. As in “black people” have no rights.

        Dred Scott said they weren’t citizens. A problem fixed by the 14th Amendment, which RepubliKKKans hate. Plessy said they were separate but equal, except when they weren’t.

  • timpundit

    If you want to wash the sickness of these people off your palate, watch The President give the eulogy. God, I want him President for life.

    http://gawker.com/obama-leads-mourners-in-amazing-grace-at-pinckney-fun-1714240326

    • freakishlystrong

      I sobbed at Amazing Grace. After this week of jubilee it was like he was twisting the shiv. And the teevee pan to the venal fascists who attended to pretend like they’re not racists. The sheer hatred!

    • NationalGalleryofClipArt

      President for Life? In the fever swamp, that’s already a guarantee. Martial law to be declared in Oct 2016, with election suspended indefinitely, as the American Mugabe-cum-Castro consolidates power with the aid of American Civil Organizing-Radical Nubian guard.

  • Michael Smith

    Poor Republicans. It’s like the Koch Brothers totally sold them out that time they told the Supreme Court “Just give us Citizens United, and then feel free to give the liberals whatever they want.”

  • Ryan Denniston

    It took a couple of minutes to make it past the graphic at the top of this story.

    • Dee Andee

      Ha! Yes, my son’s friend saw it and laughed. Then said he teases bronys, to which I replied that a furry like him should probably not do that, then got a lecture about how some people think bronys are subset of furries, but that not all bronys identify with being a furry, nor do all furries accept bronys as being furries.

      Seriously, really? Didn’t we just settle this whole gay marriage thing? Now I have to worry about brony rights vs. furry rights?

      I need a drink.

      • bobbert

        Wut?

      • Blank Ron

        I do not want to read Scalia’s dissenting opinion on THAT argument.

  • Boscoe

    “It is now crucial that as a country we protect religious freedom and the right of conscience and also not discriminate.” Exactly. Don’t discriminate against us, and we won’t discriminate against you. It’s almost like some sort of rule, that should be written in gold or something.

    Oh, you meant don’t discriminate against you FOR discriminating against us. Well fuck you very much then, I guess.

  • When do we get to see the creepy nanny owl cam footage of Jindal telling his kiddies sordid tales about sinful manbearpig love and how it makes his very very secret naughty bits tingle? And Iowa, too!

  • Ryan Denniston

    “the only alternative left for the American people is to support an amendment to the U.S. Constitution”

    The Constitution is perfect the way it was written. That is why amendments and comments are not allowed. When Saint Reagan and Jeebus collaborated on its authorship, they could have banned gay marriage but did not. And they were perfect and holy and definitely Republicans.

    • arglebargle

      Time traveling Obama thwarted them, duh.

  • Steverino247

    Since there is a stay in effect from the Fifth Circuit, it is technically correct to wait until the stay is lifted before going ahead. I’m guessing Monday for that.

  • mtiffany

    I would say that Trump didn’t say anything about Teh Gays because he know he can’t afford to piss off his hair and makeup people, rotting corpse that he is, but judging from that dead weasel on his head, ain’t no gays doin’ no hairz for him.

    • spends2much

      Floyd the Barber did better work in Mayberry. Then again, Floyd the Barber was WAY OUT.

      • ButchWagstaff

        “Oh Andy!” Floyd totally had a thing for Andy.

        • Blank Ron

          Mayberry’s most confirmed bachelor, wink wink.

      • Me not sure

        The Mayberry Gay Pride Parade was just Floyd taking a walk.

    • doktorzoom

      It occurs to me that maybe when he said he’d never appoint anyone like Roberts, he thought he was commenting on the marriage equality ruling, and didn’t know that Roberts was in the anti-buttsex minority.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        That is probably it. The guy is not the most aware fellow in all the world, after all

      • docterry6973

        It’s asking a lot for The Donald to ‘know’ things.

    • Bahhhdman

      That was downright homophobic. No way the gays are responsible for Trump’s hair.

    • tinker12

      I heard The Donald say that he does his own hair. Good.

      • Blank Ron

        Does or ‘does’?

  • spends2much

    Whenever anyone reminds Jindal or Huckabee that Murrica isn’t a (full-on) theocracy (yet), them boys get real agitated.
    HHIIILLLLLAAARRRYYYYYYY 2016!

  • CriticalDragon1177

    Oh no! Get your illegal and soon to be illegal guns! Its the gaypocalypse!

  • Callyson

    Ah, I love the taste of GOP tears in the afternoon…

    • Lady Bug

      that cup is too small! ;)

    • Me not sure

      A shot of tequila and a squeeze of lime, and I’m in.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    The government must never force Christians to violate their religious beliefs

    It is interesting how in their butthurt these goons out themselves. Notice, only the CHRISTIAN beliefs are never to be violated. Just those ones.
    Good job, wingnuts!

    • LegionOfDo

      The really terrible part is that they believe simply having to coexist with those who do not share their religious beliefs is a violation of said beliefs. To these people, “religious freedom” is meant only for them and no one else is allowed to have any.

  • docterry6973

    So Muslims can ignore laws they don’t like and follow the dictates of Sharia? Good to know.

    • willi0000000

      only the christian Muslims.

      • bobbert

        Like the Jewish Christians. (Seriously, Messianic Jews creep me out).

  • LegionOfDo

    There isn’t a reasonable person out there who doesn’t understand that when they say “states’ rights” they really mean “the right to discriminate.”

  • MrCanoehead

    I have a question for Ben Carson: if “marriage is a religious service not a government form,” then government would have no right to ban the “wrong” [sic] kind. So the SCOTUS ruling brings us closer to religious freedom. Y’know, for all those churches that are okay with the boy-boy and girl-girl marriages.

  • Santana999

    I don’t know why they are so upset over buttsex. They seem to enjoy cluster fxcking themselves on a regular basis.

  • Metadude

    Piyush! Remember that time in the men’s room of the KFC? Piyush!

  • mtn_philosoph

    I might be proven wrong about this but I don’t think that RINO George Pataki would actually be all that upset by this decision. In some ways he is kind of the Jon Huntsman of this cycle’s Republican field.

  • ThisMicah

    Fun read. Check again on Cruz though. He’s taking the red meat tack.

  • JohnnyZhivago2

    I think Pataki is actually supporting gay marriage…. (or at least gay receptions – I forget which)

  • vonlmo

    Trump knows well enough that The Gays!!!!!! run his beauty pageant system. Their reaction to a Trump-blast on Marriage Equality would have sunk the whole enterprise.

  • Me not sure

    I see Republican Presidents as a rare commodity for the foreseeable future. Once you’ve alienated women , blacks, immigrants of various stripes, unions, the LGBT community and anyone with a brain and a decent education, the road to an electoral majority becomes very difficult. If you factor in the “quality” of the current field it seems an impossible mountain to climb.

  • Ah, Bobby Jindal. Nobody should force good Christians to “participate in these ceremonies.” And that’s basically true … nobody will force Christians to be part of a gay marriage ceremony because Christians probably won’t be marrying gays. On the other hand, if a Christian is an employee of the state and it’s his job as a civil servant to issue marriage licenses, he is required to issue the goddamn license WITHOUT WHINING or find a new job. Holy shit, is everybody as sick of “good Christians” as I am? Gah.

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