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Commence freak out NOW

Despite Senate Republicans warning Iran there is simply no point in making a deal with the Obama administration on its nuclear program because the Constitution says he’s not really the president anyway, behold:

In a historic announcement, Secretary of State John Kerry said that Iran and six world powers had “resolved major issues” about Iran’s nuclear program. The framework agreement was reached after years of multilateral negotiations. […]

Iranian Prime Minister Hassan Rouhani tweeted on Thursday that Iran and six world powers, including the United States, had reached an agreement on “key parameters” of the issue.

Iran’s Foreign Minister Javad Zarif said that the group was “ready to start drafting [the deal] immediately.”

But since you can’t trust those Iranians, Secretary of State John Kerry also Twitter-confirmed:

Screen Shot 2015-04-02 at 10.56.21 AM

Screen Shot 2015-04-02 at 10.56.37 AM

In a press conference, Federica Mogherini, of the European Union, read a statement announcing that the parties had “reached an agreement that would curb some of Iran’s nuclear programs, allow for more international inspections and lift some sanctions imposed by the United States on Iran. The agreement allows Iran to continue some enrichment of uranium.” She also congratulated the Republican Party for its traitorous love letter, casual suggestions that we skip negotiations and go straight to bomb-dropping, and for its generally mature and helpful diplomatic leadership. (We may have mistranslated that last part.)

We assume Republicans are meeting now to draft their own response saying “Nuh uh, doesn’t count” and drawing up impeachment charges against President Obama, Secretary Kerry, and the entire Iranian leadership at this very moment. We’ll keep you posted as this constitutional crisis develops.

[NPR]

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  • Nounverb911

    Fox News goes nuclear in 3…2…1…

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Maybe Congress can declare war on Iran anyway, and appropriate funds to hire Blackwater mercenaries to fight it. That’d teach Obama a thing or two about violating separation of powers!

    • But hiring Blackwater mercenaries will require us to divert critical funds from the Secret Service’s hooker budget.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      Maybe in a twist on the tried-and-true Reagan model, they can sell arms to Nicaragua in order to finance a secret war in Iran.

  • Callyson

    Oh, to be a fly on the wall when Benjamin Netanyahu hears this…

  • Lizzietish81

    Somewhere in a bunker in Wyoming, Dick Cheney bites the head off another baby in frustration. “Get Newsweek on the phone, I need an interview” he snarls at the imps that handle his public relations.

    • Zippy

      you misspelled Politico

      • weejee

        DrudgeLite™ ?

  • say wha

    Did Kerry just use the word “HUGE”? You’ll be hearing from my lawyers. Donald Trump

    • mtn_philosoph

      No. There’s a clear and audible difference.

      Kerry says “hiyerge” which rhymes with serge.
      Trump says “yooge” which rhymes with boo jelly.

  • sw19womble

    I love the Wonkette headline pictures, but I have to say that this one is EPIC!

    • Greg Fuderer

      that would be cool as shit if we actually had a military kitten that big.

      • Lizzietish81

        Dinsdale….

        • Logic of Color

          He really knew how to treat a female inpersonator

          • sw19womble

            If Iran don’t behave, we’ll tell them they have to see Doug.
            Everyone was terrified of Doug. Even Dinsdale was terrified of Doug…..

          • Blank Ron

            Except that sarcasm doesn’t work on the Rs.

      • I’m not cleaning the litterbox.

        • mtn_philosoph

          … claw marks on the Washington Monument …

      • Steverino247

        DARPA’s probably working on it…

        • Zippy

          Robokitty

        • Gleem-McShinez

          DERPA got there first!

    • MsAnthropesMr
    • Gleem-McShinez

      Wait! Is that a Persian kitten?
      FALSE FLAG OPERATION!!

  • chascates

    And John McCain wept tears as big as horse turds.

    • weejee

      Well at least as big as walnutz.

  • By aligning themselves with the Democrat Party, Iran has just demonstrated how much they hate America.

  • exinkwretch

    For Gosh sakes, get some smelling salts! Miss Lindsey has fainted dead away!

  • JohnBull

    This is already void since there was no Iran when Jesus wrote the Constitution.

    • Steverino247

      We’ll always have Persia.

      • sw19womble

        Or a nice Ottoman…

      • Zippy

        just say no to rugs

        • Steverino247

          Hugs, not rugs.

          • mtn_philosoph

            Tugs, not hugs.

      • sohadicouldsplit

        Pistaschi-oh no they didn’t!

  • anniegetyerfun

    Shouldn’t that be a Persian kitteh in the photo?

  • Bill Slider

    It’s because we struck a deal with Iran, that California must live with desert sands instead of green grass.

  • Zippy

    Bamz is Obamasplaining why this is a good deal and the only realistic way to approach things- time for the wingnuts to go ballistic

    • OBAMA SET UP US THE MULLAHSEXUAL MENACE!111!!
      ~

      • Logic of Color

        Say, I just had a great RP idea. ‘scuse me gotta call the wife.

    • Nounverb911

      Obama just likes to watch right-wing headsplotions.

      • Blank Ron

        Be honest, who doesn’t?

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Whooo-Wheee! They blowed up real good!

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …geez, the GOP has been eating a whole lot of losses lately.

    -Indiana/Arkansas RFRA
    -Obamacare
    -Job creation
    -Overall economy growth
    -Keystone pipeline
    -And now an Iran deal

    • laineypc

      IK,R? Well, it started with their minds, or possibly their hearts, soo…not too surprising there. Sorry that it is probably going to take the Dessication of California for them to take global warming and science seriously.

      • Blank Ron

        I wouldn’t count on that…

      • Biff52

        They’ll blame it on teh gheys in San Francisco, or New Orleans.

    • chicken thief

      Yet they control Congress and many state legislatures and governships. They are wrong more often than a meteorologist but it never seems to hurt them or daunt their base.

  • Does this new deal give the UN permission to find where Iran hid Saddam’s WMD?

    • Nounverb911

      Crawford, Texas?

      • There does seem to be an awful lot of brush piled up around there!

      • Gleem-McShinez

        This explains the codpiece on the aircraft carrier. That was one of Saddam’s missiles in there!

    • sw19womble

      As someone once said, surely we can just look on the invoice we sent him?

    • MrBlobfish

      In Syria’s basement.

    • TheBidenator

      :psst: has anyone checked Dick Cheney’s undisclosed secret bunker? I’m just sayin….

  • Wild Cat

    Don’t the Libtard anti-Zionists know you’re supposed to waste all the national treasure and enlist all the mentally challenged Dallas Cowboy fans to die overseas BEFORE you negotiate a treaty?

    Rapists!!!!

    • Zippy

      “enlist all the mentally challenged Dallas Cowboy fans to die overseas”

      Hmmm, I never realized there was an upside to this…

      • Nounverb911

        Can we send Romo and Jerry Jones over too, also?

      • Wild Cat

        War is Confederate birth control, din’ja know?

        • TheBidenator

          Stop making war sound so good, dammit! Christ, you’re going to turn me into a neocon if you keep this up…

  • Tony Alexander

    harrumph!! said the republicans as they clutched their pearls, spun on their heels and click-clacked away.

    • Nounverb911

      And then Peggy Noonan ordered another case of gin.

      • Wild Cat

        At her age and speed, she’s up to “enemas of gin.”

        • sohadicouldsplit

          Supposi-tinis?

          • Boscoe

            Just remember to leave out the toothpicks in the olives…

    • Beowoof14

      Lindsey is that you?

  • “We have a difficult history between us.”

    Yep. We overthrew their peaceful democracy in 1953 and gave them a vicious dictator, because the oil companies wanted us to.

    Then we gave Saddam the ability to use poison gas against them, because the oil companies wanted us to.

    And there was that little airliner thinghie…heh, why so sore, Iran? HONEST MISTAKE.

    In summary, this is why Iran is subject to sanctions.
    ~

    • Zippy

      but, but, they hate us for our freedumb

      • mailman27

        They used to love us for our traitors (i.e. Ronnie Raygun.)

  • BMW

    Has CNN used Flock of Seagulls’ “I Ran” as bumper/theme music yet when covering this deal?

    Serious question.

    • Zippy

      needs moar holograms

    • weejee

      Needz moar birds.

  • Steverino247

    Well done, Mr. Kerry. Well done.

    • JerryRich

      Is there anyone in the GOP that can even approach the knowledge and ability in international affairs of Mr. Kerry?

      • Steverino247

        Nope.

  • Beowoof14

    Oh my the stock of defense contractors is falling as I type this. I know I can count on republicans to try to stop this horror of peace.

    • CriticalDragon1177

      I know. Our poor soldiers will be bored without any wars to fight.

      • Steverino247

        Our poor soldiers would much rather remain in the barracks, drinking beer and playing pool in the day room than fighting anybody. For example, this was our motivation in riot control training: “The sooner you convince these assholes to behave themselves, the sooner we get back to the barracks.” So, you heard (in between smacks) “if it wasn’t for you assholes, I’d be getting a blow job from my girlfriend right now.”

      • willi0000000

        are bored soldiers, firefighters, police, trauma surgeons, et al too much to ask?

        [even if it is . . . it’s what i want for my birthday]

    • chicken thief

      Never fear. We can still sell more weapons to Israel and the Saudis. We’ll always have paranoia, ISIS, and Yemen!!!!

  • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

    Iran will annex the bordering provinces of Iraq within the month!!11!1!!!!

  • Wild Cat

    Kristol, Frum, and Goldberg are so enraged they’re ordering extra keyboards . . .

    • sohadicouldsplit

      Time to launch Operation Pencil-Neck!

      • Wild Cat

        That’s Judith Miller’s night job . . .

  • weejee

    Meanwhile Bibi keeps playing with his ballz.

    • Nounverb911

      And his Boehner?

      • Tony Alexander

        well played!

      • weejee

        As Tony sez, ftw.

    • Wild Cat

      His dreidel dildo, actually.

    • CriticalDragon1177

      He’s not a very good psychic.

  • CriticalDragon1177

    The giant cat created by Iranian mad scientists is so cute! I wouldn’t mind being destroyed by that thing. ;)

  • cousin itt

    Was it Texas for centrifuges? If that was the deal, Obama so got over.

    Time to load up the U-Haul.

  • Tony Alexander

    jeeez! the ‘pubs are runnin’ outta things to askeer the natives with!

    well, there’s always miracle pizza!

  • Vecciojohn

    I find nothing in the Second Amendment that permits this or suggests that the President shouldn’t bomb Tehran right now.

    • Axomamma

      Yeah, I hear the Iranians have already taken control of that city and may take others if not stopped. Oh, dear!

  • Mehmeisterjr

    ♫ All we are saying, is give War a chance. ♫ – Teabagger rally

  • SigDeFlyinMonky

    For all those conservatives (read “reactionary”) who love to quote Winston Churchill, “To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.”

    • willi0000000

      from The Book of Wonderfulness™

      “Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened.”
      – Winston Churchill

  • Steverino247

    California pistachios are better than Iranian pistachios anyway.

    • Me not sure

      If you had your nuts sanctioned they wouldn’t be up to par either

      • Steverino247

        Having your nuts ignored is far worse…

        • Me not sure

          “Repulicashews, the nuts you can’t ignore.” (Trade Marked)

    • Biff52

      Maybe so, but we’re kinda outta water.

      • Steverino247

        Just using it on the wrong things. Lawns, for example. Plant tomatoes out there and drip water them. Done.

        • Biff52

          No argument on the lawns. My house came with far too much of that, and this is the year I do something about it. I’ma go for more squashes, not quite as many tomatoes.

  • Me not sure

    First they come for the A-Bombs, then they come for the Super Soakers. Tyranny!

    • Baby_Raptor

      Supersoakers get people wet and being wet is a sign of being a filthy slut.

      They’d probably be fine with water guns being banned.

      • Me not sure

        Is a baby raptor like a motherhugger?

        • Baby_Raptor

          Tiny dinosaurs are more likely to eat you than hug you. Also, not afraid to say Fuck.

        • TheBidenator

          No but an army of facehugger eggs will shut teabaggers up REAL well :starts looking for LV426:

          • Me not sure

            No thanks, facehugger eggs give me acid stomach.

      • cousin itt

        Pics or GTFO

  • Baby_Raptor

    It’s pathetic that a country who wants to destroy us knows our Constitution better than the “politicians” who run the damn place.

    • Iran wants to destroy us? History supports the opposite conclusion.
      ~

      • Baby_Raptor

        Well, the Right thinks they do. To me that makes it more ironic.

      • Maybe Baby_Raptor is a Baha’i.

      • Anarchy Pony

        The us doesn’t want to destroy them, just subjugate them.

  • Guest

    Oh No !!!!!! Obama detroyed Amerika agin…!!!

  • Gleem-McShinez

    What is that I hear? Air-raid sirens?! Incoming missiles!?

    Oh no, wait. It’s all the fearmongering machinery being spun up to Maximum Scare, for their next appearances on all Wingnut Media.

  • texasace00

    Tea party retaliation strategy meeting confirmed!

    • nmmagyar

      Go on….

    • Biff52

      ‘kin Monkees…

  • AnOuthouse

    “Federica Mogherini” sounds suspiciously foreign.

  • AnOuthouse

    Miss Linday’s panties will be so twisted she’ll require surgery to remove them.

    • nmmagyar

      I’m sure there’s a strapping, young corpsman at Bethesda who can reach right in and pull them out.

      • sohadicouldsplit

        He’ll be sorry when she rewards him with a Purple Fart.

  • this is a big fucking deal

  • calliecallie

    I love that picture.

  • smitallica

    The nutbars are saying this deal proves Obama loves Iran, when it was their own Senators that wrote the Ayatollah a fucking love letter saying they were basically on his side. Irony has died, again, screaming.

  • Biff52

    We’re gonna need to redraw that Axis of Evil Weasels.

    • willi0000000

      why? . . . from what i can tell it runs straight from turtle’s office, through RNC headquarters and terminates in nuttinyahoo’s office.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Snark off: Congratulations to John Kerry and that amazing team of diplomats who just found their way into the history books. I am in awe.

    • Rick Hill

      You’ll be in “awe” when ghey Moolahs with nuculer weapons shoved in their pants find their way under your bed and shove their Mooslemism down your throat before blowing up your wife and your signed copy of the bible. Whos’ going to be laughing then? Obama, that’s who.

    • Ardiva

      Amen!

  • Paperless Tiger

    Don’t you fools realize this will make the price of gasoline go down? Thanks, Obama. Oh wait …

  • Metadude

    A modest proposal: Require any Republican who wants to criticize this deal to find Iran on a map.

    • Shoto

      Ever’body knows I-ran is up the I-15 just past Barstow. That’s why it’s so god-durn dangerous. Flying lizards rainin’ down, giant nuk-lur insects crawlin’ all over ever-wheres, and a whole buncha dancin’ Muslim Elvis’s with their machine-gun gi-tars…just a shootin’ and a twangin’ and a rockin’ and a nukin’. Inpeach ever’body!!!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Iran? On a map? I thought it was a song by A Flock of Seagulls.

  • JParkerSD46

    Oh, great. Now the world could be a safer place. Way to go MarxistNaziSocialistIslamistUsurper. C’mon GOP. Get your fear/war mongering butts in gear. INPEACH!!!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Arms manufacturers around the country have yacht payments to make. They can’t afford peace to break out.

  • DahBoner

    So, the Senate Republicans failed to stop adults from getting work done?

  • Anarchy Pony

    In broken clock news, noted war correspondent Bill O’Really flummoxes his fellow foxbots and supports the deal.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Nice of Kerry to tweet thanks to the people who did the heavy lifting. Did Tom Cotton ever tweet his thanks to the other 46 signatories of his letter? I don’t remember seeing that.

  • Michael B

    Actually, Iran proposed a deal with the UN Security Council (+ Germany), not with the US.

  • John Frum

    Best picture ever.

  • danielistical

    Iran has been
    chanting death to America since operation Ajax in 1953 when the United States
    overthrew the Iranian government and installed the SHAW untill the Shaw was
    overthrown Iran was one of the United states best allies in the middle east,, The nuclear
    program of Iran was
    launched in the 1950s with the help of the United States as part of the Atoms for Peace program. The
    participation of the United States and Western European governments in Iran’s
    nuclear program continued until the 1979 Iranian
    Revolution that toppled
    the Shah of Iran

    Iran never has and now
    do not have nuke weapons,,never have, They do not possess the technology, to
    build nuke weapons and they do not posses the material to build a nuke weapon,,,,Are
    you worried the Iran NAVY will attack?

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