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Happy Super Sportsball Bowl Day, everyone! It is a glorious day for New Jersey, as two squads of Human Growth Hormone-injected monsters meet in the state to kick the ball and throw the ball and run very fast and give each other brain damage. But what else is going on in the Garden State today? New Jersey quarterback Chris Christie is getting “sacked” by public opinion and also “fumbling” his own idiot lies. (Sportsball!)

A few days ago, the lawyer for Chris Christie’s Best Friend Forever (Forever), David Wildstein, whom he’d never met, released a letter intimating that Chris Christie might have known some stuff about some things about the time David Wildstein, along with Bridget Jones Kelly, shut down some lanes on the George Washington Bridge to find a stranger in the Alps.

Well Chris Christie was not taking that lying down in a puddle of his own sick, no sir! He has sent an email to his idiot GOP friends in response! But does it “raise more questions than it answers”? Fuhgeddaboutit.

Let us take Christie’s email point by point, until we get bored.

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First, we would just like to point out that Wonkette is better at reading lawyer letters than is the New York Times. (How do you get to Carnegie Hall? PRACTICE!) That is because Wonkette pointed out right away that a lawyer saying “evidence exists” is not the same as saying MY CLIENT HAS EVIDENCE and is gonna SHOOT IT ALL OVER YR FACE, and then the New York Times had to change its story, probably as a direct result of ours, we are just guessing.

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This fucking “Point 2” makes no fucking sense at all. Why didn’t Mr. Former US Attorney ask to see the results of the so-called traffic study in the three (? don’t make us look it up) months between when this shit broke and when Wildstein’s batch of emails with Bridget Jones Kelly and others made clear it was a political hatchet job. The NJ lege was holding hearings. It was all going to come out in the wash. Way to be an idiot, idiot.

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Why is this a separate point? Oh, man, you are doing your paper in 14-point type, with 2.5 inch margins, aren’t you? Still not gonna help you get to 2500 words.

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“This person for whom I created a special position at the Port Authority, and whom I have known since he exhibited ‘deceptive behavior’ in high school, and who ‘frightened people,’ is a deceptive person and fucking monster who should be nowhere near the reins of power that I handed him.” Sweet defense bro. Did Politico ask about this part? In fact, they did!

In response to the Czin question [the DNC’s Michael Czin, asking this: if what Christie says about Wildstein in his oppo-dump is true, why did Christie’s administration appoint him to such a senior position at the Port Authority?], posed by a reporter to Christie’s office, an official told POLITICO: “Over the last month, we’re seeing a fuller picture of who Wildstein really was. The fact that he punitively shut down lanes on a bridge for political purposes overshadows anything he had done previously.”

Did you catch that? The fact that “he” punitively shut down lanes. Not “he, acting on an email from Governor Christie’s deputy chief of staff Bridget Jones Kelly, punitively shut down lanes.”

Anyway, we are bored and done here. Enjoy your giant men stomping each other around New Jersey, fellows! (This is not an invitation for you to do dumb comments about Chris Christie’s giantism. Frankly, we were disappoint how many of you did that last time, you dumb jerks. Love, Editrix.)

[Politico]

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