Did you know that trying to stop The Gay Homosexual Agenda Of GayTM is still a thing, even though the Supreme Court earlier this year was all, like,, “Jesus Christ on a cracker, that anti-gay bullcrap is just so nineties, let’s cut that out,” and even George Big Daddy Bush recently attended a lesbian wedding of lesbians lesbian-marrying each other in a lesbian way.
Yeah, so we’re pretty much all agreed that in America, no one much cares anymore if you want to gay-marry your dog or whatever. Except for this guy, Christopher Doyle, who is on a mission to make gays stop gaying themselves.
Mr. Doyle is not just the founder of a website and organizer of an ex-gay rally that, shockingly, failed to convert any gays to ex-gayism. He is also an undercover investimagator who has discovered that universities are not even trying to turn gays into ex-gays! The horror!
He met with the director of Mason’s LGBTQ center, Ric Chollar, in the role of “a former homosexual posing as [a] graduate student seeking anonymous counseling for unwanted homosexual feeling,” according to a press release Doyle later issued. He claimed that he “nearly begged the counselor to give me an ex-gay pamphlet, which was buried in the bottom drawer of his filing cabinet.”
Shudder gasp! It is A Outrage!!!!! that a pretend student who is pretending to want to be ex-gayed like that’s a thing cannot even get a pamphlet filled with bigoted anti-science about how to pray the gay away. Also, something about the First Amendment because why not? Everyone knows Christopher Columbus wrote the Bill of Rights to protect the right of bigots to tell gays to stop gaying themselves like that. Like, duh, right?
Of course, that is not exactly how Doyle explains his mission. The reason for his million man-on-man-no-more march, as he said, was to “send a clear message to the members of Congress that ex-gays are alive; we do exist … There are tens of thousands of us, and we want to be counted.” Also, too:
“We are tired of the gay activist lobby discriminating [against] us, marginalizing us and taking away our rights, and we’re now fighting back, and we’re demanding that if gays are going to get full diversity and equality in America, we also demand that ex-gay voices be heard as well.”
We are not entirely clear on what rights have been denied Mr. Doyle, other than his right to get all hissy-fitty — but in an ex-gay way, obviously — about the inaccessibility of false information about how to stop wanting all that yummy gay penis. But whatevs. Fight on, Mr. Doyle, in your courageous one-man battle to defend the rights of yourself and all your imaginary ex-gay friends to lock yourselves in a closet with Marcus Bachmann. For, like, freedom.