Hey remember a few days ago when we told you about how the recent murders of state officials in Colorado and Texas might be the work of a vicious gang of crazy-ass Nazis? Well it looks like we might have to issue one of those “correction” things because it turns out that we were being totally unfair to those misunderstood psychopaths when we haphazardly called them “racists.” We regret the error, and accept the blame for not being as smart as Breitbart’s senior “start snitching” correspondent Brandon Darby. That aforementioned reporting genius has produced a piece filled with so much non-sensical dog vomit that Slate editors are beating hapless unpaid interns Malkin-style with copies of it in an effort to restore order to the disingenuous contrarian universe.
You and your smug liberal friends might think that a group calling itself the “Aryan” Brotherhood that consists of only white members who adorn themselves with tattoos of various Nazi iconography is inherently “racist.” But in reality the fine upstanding gentlemen within the AB are actually job-creating self interested businessmen who just prefer to keep their living arrangements “separate but equal” while engaging in free enterprise activities like selling methamphetamine across the country. According to Darby, the Aryan Brotherhood is basically just a Jim-Crow era restaurant chain based in the South. The only color that the AB really cares about is green, and they just also like to tell a few off colored jokes and tattoo swastikas on their necks (just like Grandma at Thanksgiving).
In case dumb leftists who jumped on the whole “white supremacist uprising” concern weren’t feeling silly enough, Darby writes that the murders mentioned earlier were not actually inspired by the insane right wing calls for armed rebellion that we were scared about. Rather Darby believes that the violence must be connected to the Brotherhood’s allegiance with illegal MEXICAN drug gangs. To make matters worse, it seems Democrats are personally preventing this story from being told in its entirety because they are sucking up for votes from illegals:
[S]ince many Republicans and Democrats seek a compromise on immigration reform in short order, it is not surprising that politicians are themselves ignoring the possible connection between the murders and the Mexican cartels, with the notable exception of Governor Rick Perry. After all, if Americans were to find out that the Mexican cartels are operating on U.S. soil, it would likely change the immigration debate and could potentially delay a deal indefinitely. [...]
It would be convenient for the media if the brutality in Texas turns out to be at the hands of a “white supremacist” group acting alone and on racial grounds. What would be less convenient is if a “white supremacist” group turned out to be working in conjunction with Mexican drug cartels in the middle of a politically charged debate on U.S. immigration policy.
However the even contrarian-er folks at the Atlantic Wire didn’t trust Darby’s assertions (for some strange reason) and decided to fact check the claim that the AB was just a private social club for white men in prison. Not surprisingly the Atlantic gave Breitbart a million pants on fire pinocchio noses or something:
That ignores some things we know about the Brotherhood. It was founded as an all-white prison gang, and the old rules said you had to kill a black inmate to join. A copy of its constitution found in 1994, 10 years after the FBI’s analysis, says, “An ARYAN BROTHER is one who shows, gives, and demands his respect where it is due and upholds every moral principle and value of and for all the Elite White Aryan Race.” They reportedly use white supremacist literature to attract new members. Prison gangs are still divided along racial lines, though it seems not all inmates are entirely devoted to the cause. At The Daily Beast, an anonymous former inmate, who is black, describes the Aryan Brotherhood as “still mentally fighting the Civil War” in the ’90s, though they were willing to work with him because he knew how to do paperwork.
So the Brotherhood are a bunch of insanely violent racist assholes but UNLIKE the conservative movement and their scribes at Breitbart, the fine peckerwoods know when to compromise and make deals when it suits their long-term bests interests. NO LABELS!
But how does the desire of the Brotherhood to get past petty differences in prison and fix the gridlock and partisan bickering in the drug trade sit with other Hitler fan-bois out there? Well the Atlantic went the extra step and decided to visit our old friends at Stormfront and other assorted clearinghouses for white supremacists (besides commenters on Yahoo), and found that the keyboarded Himmlers of today are none too pleased with the Brotherhood’s dumb compromising attitude and do not wish to be associated with the Arlen Specter/Bob Bennett wing of the White Power movement:
“In my book, they deserve to lie in the same graves as the blacks and browns they operate with.”
So it seems that poor Darby, like the purity conscious folks from Stormfront, fell into that classic “well maybe Hitler wasn’t a racist because he worked so well with the Japanese” trap when analyzing the Aryan Brotherhood. And maybe we were wrong to assume that the Brotherhood was committing these murders in order to further the race war, instead of just raising money for their organization’s non-profit charitable foundation (or whatever else the AB does besides race-warring). The important thing is that we all worked together in throwing a bunch of shit against the wall about ongoing unsolved murder investigations in order to serve our own narrow political agendas. BLOGGING SUCCESS!