About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • elviouslyqueer

    Peach underwear? Pfft, amateur. Go guava or GO HOME.

  • SmutBoffin

    Sooooo, did he masturbate?


  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Maybe it's just me — but seems like this "YOU TOO Can Be a Rock Star!" pandemic is sweeping the country a bit manically for my taste.

  • Callyson

    My signature line seems especially apt here…

    Oh, for fuck's sake.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    I think one of our Chicagoan Wonketteers should run for this seat.

  • GhostBuggy

    I originally read this as "Mal Reynolds" and thought this was a very weird direction for a new "Firefly" series to go in.

  • Biff

    We need Kourtney back.

  • BadKitty904

    Since this story features an underage *girl* – rather than the standard "nubile young boy" so regularly prominent in GOP sex scandals – I assume Mr. Reynolds is running on the Dem ticket?

  • BerkeleyBear

    Now imagine that glorious striping in lime green and electric yellow, with a bright white background to make sure the colors "pop". And put it on a baseball hat with a Citrus Bowl patch sewn onto the front that contains orange black yellow brown and green but in no shades matching the striping.

    You now know what passed for "swag" in the 1990s. Why anyone thought even the dumbest of jock would want such a hideous thing, much less think it was a "cool" freebie for players and staffs, I have no damn idea. These days they get ipads and fancy sports watches.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Well hello to you too, index.php!!!!! Care to stay awhile?

  • BadKitty904


  • BadKitty904


  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    But if I ran, imagine the embarrassment: "Kincaid Offers Apologies, Regrets For Engaging In World War II Erotica Comment Threads With Buxom New York Actress"

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    I believe that is from Mel Reynolds' personal collection of spank videos.

  • SorosBot

    It's still better than Barbie Girl though.