mitt's time

Ann And Mitt Romney Adjust To Sad Lonely Life Of Regular Old Centi-Millionaires

romney, right before his screen saver went onMitt Romney is SO VERY SAD, you guys. All he wanted was to be President. That’s it. He had a dream, just a simple dream, and You People crushed it. So now he spends his days alone, shuffling around in his $1000 bathrobes, talking to secret service personnel that aren’t there. And Ann! This has been ESPECIALLY hard on Ann, who is Above all of this.

Are we bad people because we are kind of happy to learn that Ann Romney spends her days “crying softly,” trying desperately to adjust to a life filled with mansions and Austrian warmbloods instead of political events and secret service motorcades?

By all accounts, the past month has been most difficult on Romney’s wife, Ann, who friends said believed up until the end that ascending to the White House was their destiny. They said she has been crying in private and trying to get back to riding her horses.


Ha! Ha! Ha! So the joke is on You People, who will just have to find a way to live with the fact that you robbed Mitt of his destiny.

And Mitt. Poor, poor Mitt.

Four weeks after losing a presidential election he was convinced he would win, Romney’s rapid retreat into seclusion has been marked by repressed emotions, second-guessing and, perhaps for the first time in the overachiever’s adult life, sustained boredom, according to interviews with more than a dozen of Romney’s closest friends and advisers… Romney hangs around the house, sometimes alone, pecking away at his iPad and e-mailing his CEO buddies who have been swooping in and out of La Jolla to visit.

Oh and that picture of Mitt pumping gas and looking like who did it and ran? Don’t worry, that is not part of the thing where he is bored and confronting the banality of affluence for the first time in his adult life, and mourning the disappearance of a special servant to make peanut butter honey sandwiches. No, he just looks like that all the time, which is kind of worse in a way, and also makes us happy because (as established) we are bad people.

Friends say a snapshot-gone-viral showing a disheveled Romney pumping gas is just how he looks without a suit on his frame or gel in his hair.

Mitt has “friends,” did you know that? And they’re such good “friends” they’re happy to confirm to the Washington Post that yes, Mitt really does look exactly like he looks in that horribly unflattering picture, so that was nice of them. Oh and the Romney Thanksgiving? Since you asked, of all the sons he could have invited to come home for Thanksgiving, Mitt picked the scary one, Josh. Then Mitt and Ann and Josh and Josh’s wife and their four kids all ate dinner in the bedroom of a Spanish villa. Or maybe they all slept in the one bedroom together for some reason, which sounds weird also. Either way, the whole thing sounds weird.

Over Thanksgiving, one of Romney’s five sons, Josh, his wife and their four children packed into a single bedroom at the Spanish-style villa on Dunemere Drive here. One friend said they ordered their turkey dinner from Boston Market, the home-style restaurant chain, because there were too many kids running around the house to bother with cooking a feast.

And: four kids? FOUR kids and they couldn’t bother cooking a dinner? Okay, that’s fine. You don’t have to cook Thanksgiving dinner, and fuck the patriarchy that says you do, Ann! But Boston Market? That’s how you know Ann is really depressed. Anybody else get the feeling she never came out of her master’s suite at all and finally someone was like “we better order some Boston Market”? Are Mormons allowed to pop Mothers Little Helpers?

Sponsored Intermission

Anyway, poor Mitt and Ann. Poor, sad, Mitt and Ann, having to nurse their wounds with their hundreds of millions of dollars. And probably pills, we are just guessing.

[Washington Post]

About the author

Kris E. Benson writes about politics for Wonkette and is pursuing a doctorate in philosophy. This will come in handy for when they finally open that philosophy factory in the next town over. @Kris_E_Benson

View all articles by Kris E. Benson

Comments

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  • BadKitty904

    Damnyankees…

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Feels like Christmas, with the red "ink" hyperlinks back in action. Maybe I will compose a carol about it.

    ETA: wow, that's trippy. Now you see red, now you don't — like "disappearing" ink, rather!

  • Grief_Lessons

    Are most of the people you meet intractable idiots with short attention spans and no insight into themselves or the world around them? Me too. Hell, I'm like that most of the time. This is the central weaknes of democracy: the requirement to put human beings in charge.

  • freakishlywrong

    As progressive as the City is, there are parts of New York that could scare Kentucky.

  • memzilla

    The war between Upstate — rural red, mostly — and Downstate (NYC) New York continues unchanged.

    Upstate New York's major industry is the Prison Industrial Complex. Downstate supplies the, er, "human capital." Upstate not only benefits economically, but congressionally: prisoners are counted in its census to determine representation in both the State Legislature and the US House of Representatives.

    Traditionally, Upstate vetoes any spending which primarily benefits Downstate, with a disproportionate influence thanks to Downstate's "relocated" population.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    So now Wonkette has regional pages, like ESPNBoston and ESPNNewYork?

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Jesus, there are more double-crosses and double-agents in this story than a John le Carré novel.

  • Yellerdawg

    See? All the sudden Texas isn't looking so bad, right? In Texas, we put our crazy right out front for everyone to see.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Cuomo — oh yeah, he was that guy in the '80s that was always thundering about being "the son of immigrants!" and FDR, right? He was going to rub out Reagan, but somebody whispered that he was mobbed up, so he ran away and hid.

  • calliecallie

    My mom spent years complaining about the NY state legislature…and then I moved her to Michigan. She now readily admits that Albany has got nothing on Detroit (or Lansing).

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Who names their kid, "Simcha"?

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Tagg Romney?

  • memzilla

    Ze comments, zhey are so… 'ow you say? TIME SHIFTED.

    • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

      I see kitten photos in our future!

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        You will see ponies and unicorns long before those kittens return.

    • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      I blame Inspector Spacetime.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Do we really care about the Rmoneys other than they came awfully close to establishing a new oligarchy. Can you imagine the kids all prepping up for a continuous dynasty of the rich?

    • miss_grundy

      Isn't that what the Bushes want to do? After all, the GOP is now rallying around el amigo, Jeb Bush. Considering how much he messed up Florida, can you imagine what he would do in the Casa Blanca?????

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Sheldon Adelson apparently spent $150M to elect Romney – I imagine he even feels worse!

    • SorosBot

      Oh no my box has shrunk back down!

    • thatsitfortheother1

      On the other hand, I'm feeling REAL good about the couple hundred bucks I sent Obama's campaign.

      • vulpes82

        Yeah, that donation money was all worth it. Not only did it help his reelection (and it TOTALLY made the difference, I'm positive! He still emails!), it soothed me during the darkest days of the election. Every time I'd start to have a panic attack, I'd just donate $20 and POOF, I felt better.

        • thatsitfortheother1

          Same exact experience. And the bastids made it so easy to throw it on the credit card every time I had a run in with some wingnut…

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      $150M is chump change for Sheldon Adelson, it was a meager effort to get America to "change to his choice of chump".

  • mavenmaven

    To me, this part of the story explained everything to me, either a metaphor for his career or they are actually undead:
    The former Republican nominee was spotted with his wife, Ann, at a screening of the new "Twilight" movie, "Breaking Dawn — Part 2," in Del Mar, Calif., on Saturday.

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      They should have gone to "Breaking Wind", closer to the future of his political career.

      • miss_grundy

        They should have gone to "Killing Them Softly" so they could relive to good old days of 2008, as Dubya and friends nearly took America over the cliff. The ending is sweet as you watch Bammerz talk about one America….

  • thatsitfortheother1

    WTF, new server up and limping?

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Disheveled and crying in private? Yeah, that describes many Republicans I know even when there's not an election.

    • miss_grundy

      He should go out and buy Annie another horsey considering all the money they have. And WTF, they couldn't make Thanksgiving dinner because of four kids whoopin and hollerin? I've been invited to Thanksgiving dinners where you had eight little ones running around and they were still able to roast a turkey and cook sides and bake pies. Damn these rich people are lazy!

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Mitt just stands in his car elevator – going up and down – for hours.

    Mumbling….

    It's pathetic.

    • greenloner

      You're right. It is pathetic. I even find myself feeling sorry they're so sad. BUT, had they won, the sorrow I'd be feeling now would be so much more profound than theirs because it would be not only for myself but also for every other inhabitant of this country, including even the deluded idiots who voted for him.

      They appear to think that because they lived on a shoestring when Mitt was a missionary and then in graduate school, that they understand what it's like not to be rich, thus what it's like to be poor in a country that is rapidly dismantling its safety nets. They understand NOTHING. They are CLUELESS.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Rosebud.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    What the fuck is going on with these comments? It's driving me mad.

    • eggsacklywright

      Like dropping pebbles into the void.

    • not that Dewey

      Why? Just because some people commented on the story 4 days ago, and we're only just getting to it now? Sounds like our problem, not theirs.

    • UW8316154

      But Baldar, there is *nothing* wrong with the comment thread. What are you talking about? Are you feeling okay? Can I get you a pepsi?

  • thatsitfortheother1

    I think they might have won if Ann hadn't worn that fugly fish/bird shirt on the teevee.

    • http://wonkette.com Tangled sin tax

      You People just don't appreciate fine taste.

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Not surprised at all. There was some talk about how he believed his destiny was being the first Mormoni Preznit. The truth is that money and the trappings of wealth don't mean much if your dreams are shattered like the companies Bain ruined.

    For once in his life, he can now feel like one of the many workers he outsourced.

    • miss_grundy

      Huzzah! Well said, sir!

    • Chichikovovich

      Or at least, he will if they ask him to build the stage for Obama's inaugural.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Are those comments really from three days ago? Are these reruns? Is the wonkette in syndication now?

    • eggsacklywright

      All comments now go on the Mobius strip.

  • CrunchyKnee

    IT dude is slacking like a wingnut job creator in the USA.

  • kittensdontlie

    Yes it was his dream, but our nightmare.

  • UW8316154

    Is it just me or are the comments lost in a space-time continuum on this thread? Am I drunk or still asleep? I can't figure out if this thread is about New York or Mitt Romney’s sad sad wife, weeping softly while lying on a bed of Benjamins….

  • vulpes82

    What lets you REALLY know the Romneys are really out of it is that, evidently, they let Consuela and Juanita actually have Thanksgiving off! Thus the Boston Market, when Anna and Mrs. Bates realized they didn't actually know how to cook a turkey. ("You put the stuffing WHERE?!")

    • thatsitfortheother1

      I get my whole year's worth of fisting on Thanksgiving…

  • Goonemeritus

    From someone very familiar with days spent quietly sobbing, I feel compelled to recommend the curative properties of scotch whiskey. Anonymous sex can also be helpful, but whatever else you might do stay away from playing 80’s music over and over.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      I recommend Laphroaig. Has that toasted taste.

      • Goonemeritus

        I went to a Scotch tasting when I was bored one night on business travel. The representative from Laphroaig explained why that whisky hailing from the wetter/ colder parts of Scotland require more burn time with burning peat fires to dry the grain hence they acquire more of that smoked flavor.

        • thatsitfortheother1

          Yep. And single malts are actually pretty simple to make, compared to wine or beer. Dry and grind the malt, make watery bread out of it and distill it. Amazing the different flavors that come from the Highlands.

      • eggsacklywright

        Macallan 12 for me. The 18 is too oaky. Love the peaty goodness. Makes me proud to be a Scottish person.

        • thatsitfortheother1

          Make mine Glenmorangie 10 year neat. For the opposite reason.

          • eggsacklywright

            Well, at least we agree on the neat part. Salud.

          • sullivanst

            There's only two ways to drink scotch: neat, and the wrong way.

            Well, maybe three, but very few of us have access to ice cubes made with water from the same spring as the whiskey.

      • sullivanst

        I always thought of the taste of Laphroaig as being more like dirt… until my employers left a bottle of the 25 year old inadequately hidden behind an open bar with undertrained staff – it's a whole other thing, and were I as rich as Mitt, that'd be my go-to. Sadly I just can't seem to find a spare $450 for a bottle.

        • thatsitfortheother1

          Not just dirt, but the dirt that is left behind in a fire ring, with a charred log or two.

          On the other hand, if you drink it downwind from such a fire, it tastes like water.

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      Especially that Debbie Boone hit song, and you know which one I mean since there was only one, and now you'll be humming it all day.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Ann's depression is not being helped by all the Joy Division and Fun Boy Three.

      • TavariousChinaSmith

        You will never take away my mental image of Egg locking herself in her room, turning up the stereo and repeatedly playing the Go-Go's and Bananarama, and every time Mitt knocks on the door to try to talk to her, she jacks up the volume.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

          Kajagoogoo Libel!!

    • prommie

      Good advice, but too late for me. The Smiths, god help me.

      • eggsacklywright

        Girlfriend's in a coma. Just like Ann.

        • prommie

          How Soon is Now.

          • edgydrifter

            Ah, the litmus of misery. When you play that song as loudly as you can stand and nobody screams at you to turn it the fuck down, you are truly alone in the world.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    I dunno guys. Remember that everyone thought Nixon went away the first time he ran and lost. He also threw plenty of butt-hurt hissy fits about how we all wouldn't have him to "kick around any more".

    Rmoney may still have a chance to cross "Be president" off his bucket list and screw us all over.

    Scary thought, I know.

    • http://wonkette.com Tangled sin tax

      "Tiiiiime is on our side, yes it is". He has (marginally) enough more turns on the Hamster Wheel of Life to run in '16 but I don't think even his loot can buy him back into the nomination that early. After that It's Too Late Baby. Although since I'm the same age he is the Satisfaction will be tempered by the sound of the clods of earth falling onto our caskets.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Mark my words: it will never happen. He will never run for office again, and his party now hates his guts. Nixon analogy doesn't count, because Mitt has already run for President twice and lost.

      • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

        right.

        no way republicans are letting him get NEAR the presidency again. and their 'a-list' will be coming off the fence for 2016.

  • Barrelhse

    Kris-is this a record breaker? Two pages of comments in a matter of minutes, most of them about something else!

    • Chichikovovich

      Have you heard anything about the NHL lockout negotiations?

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

      And yet, No Views.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    This is what happens when the IT contract goes to SlackerDudes, Inc.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Motto: Bites Big One. Or Zero.

      • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

        They think they have all the ones and zeros they need–now it is just getting them in the right order.

        • thatsitfortheother1

          You'd think getting 95% of them in the right order would work pretty well…

  • tessiee

    "Austrian warmbloods"

    You know who ELSE was an Austrian warmblood?

    • Fare la Volpe

      No one.

      • thatsitfortheother1

        Win. I take it you've been there?

      • Chichikovovich

        Not since Mozart anyway.

    • Barrelhse

      Let's not say "Arnold".

    • UW8316154

      Otto II?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      The Habsburg Jawlines?

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Die Österreicher spend their days trying to convince everybody that Bach was Austrian and Hitler was German.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Kurt Waldheim?

      • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

        Archduke Ferdinand?

    • TavariousChinaSmith

      Speaking of which, you know who ELSE was a sore loser?

  • Jerri

    Although the comment mash-up here has me confused and alarmed, the thought of Ann spending her days like some kind of cartoonish soap opera depressive brings me great joy. (I'm kind of a dick that way.)

  • BaldarTFlagass

    So, this is going to become a "Billy Pilgrim blog," e.g. unstuck in time?

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      ?kcuf eht tahW

  • PubOption

    Ann is doing a poor job of working as a mother, if she has to order food from Boston Market.

  • KobayashiMaru

    I'm gonna order some Boson Market and watch the Wonkette comment shitshow. WTF?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Is that the Boson Market over there by the Large Hadron Collider at the CERN in Switzerland?

      • thatsitfortheother1

        ISWYDT.

        Coulda had one in Waxahatchie, except government.

      • GregComlish

        Conflating bosons with fermions is a major nerd faux pas

  • tessiee

    "Oh and that picture of Mitt pumping gas and looking like who did it and ran? Don’t worry, […] he just looks like that all the time"

    Sorry, not buying it.
    I think it went like this:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJ7FGWcR3UE

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      Before I saw the photo, when I heard that Mitt was seen pumping his own gas it meant he was caught in the act of fap-turbation, master of his own shrinking domain as it were.

      • thatsitfortheother1

        One must pump the gas when one cannot check the oil.

  • synykyl

    F*** the Romneys and the dancing horse they rode in on.

  • UW8316154

    Mitt and Ann finally found something that their money can't buy.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Taste? Class? Warmth? Personality?

      • tessiee

        Empathy? Ethics? Twinkies?

        • thatsitfortheother1

          Mmmmm, Twinkies.

          • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

            Please leave Lindsay Graham out of this

        • Negropolis

          All of them, Tessiee.

    • Chichikovovich

      Well, their money could have bought the Presidency, if instead of spending it on TV ads, etc. they had thought to give free stuff to Those People. How expensive could a few food stamp cards to 50.1 % of the population be, anyway?

      • thatsitfortheother1

        Niccolò Machiavelli, è che si?

        • BerkeleyBear

          Machiavelli would not approve of Romney or GOP pols generally. Not so much because of what they do as how badly they do it.

          He'd also want any sort of giveaway like this to be followed by purging the ranks of the opposition, preferably in a montage of death as a sweeping aria played.

      • BerkeleyBear

        But that would be giving people a hand out, not "opportunity". The horror!

        Why couldn't they at least have done a big splashy charity giveaway, like city pols like to do around Thanksgiving? It works like a fucking charm, despite being a transparent piece of graft, because people are a bunch of short term interested idiots by and large. Hence the middle classes willingness, all the mockery that ensued notwithstanding, to wait in line to get their share of government cheese when Reagan gave it out in the 80s.

  • Goonemeritus

    Is it time to punch the Wonkette programmer in his junk yet?

    • eggsacklywright

      Like Ash said in the first Alien movie, after he esplodes. "You really don't know what you're dealing with here."

    • Chichikovovich

      I dunno, I see an upside. I could grow to like seeing the "weeping Ann" post every four days or so for the rest of my life. I was already starting to miss it.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Not to put too fine a point on it, but I believe we're looking at his junk right now.

      • eggsacklywright

        The angle of the dangle is incorrect.

        • thatsitfortheother1

          His meat'll be on the street.

  • cousinitt

    Well, since this is Back to the Future Day at Wonkette, sing it Chrissie!

    " It is time for you to stop all of your sobbing
    Yes it's time for you to stop all of your sobbing oh oh oh
    There's one thing you gotta do
    To make me still want you
    Gotta stop sobbing now
    Yeah yeah stop it stop it"

    • kittensdontlie

      I prefer Elton's calming lyrics:
      It's sad, it's so sad
      It's a sad, sad situation
      And it's getting more and more absurd
      It's sad, so sad
      Why can't we talk it over
      Always seems to me
      That sorry seems to be the hardest word.

      Sorry Mitt…. *crocodile tear*

  • tessiee

    "Romney’s wife, Ann, who friends said believed up until the end that ascending to the White House was their destiny."

    Actually, they *both* believed it (love that "ascending", btw), and they believed it up until a couple of minutes *after* the end, which is why Mitt had to have his manservant pull a concession speech out of his ass.

    • miss_grundy

      Because the Inaugural web site had already gone live. Sad, isn't it? Nah….more like what an arrogant dirtbag!

  • tessiee

    "One friend said they ordered their turkey dinner from Boston Market, the home-style restaurant chain, because there were too many kids running around the house to bother with cooking a feast."

    Ch'yeah, right, Ann cooks the roast beast herself and totally doesn't make Maria de Luz work on Thanksgiving or anything!

  • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

    In his dreams of being in the White House, Mitt didn't picture himself going into the Oval Office through the servants entrance. Oh, our Bamz is really a sore winner.

    • tessiee

      I suspect that Michelle is, too — if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        Yes, Michelle looks like she could cut a bitch, and if there ever was a bitch just crying out to be cut….. With votes, of course.

  • tessiee

    "mourning the disappearance of a special servant to make peanut butter honey sandwiches."

    Can't he just steal Elvis' guy?

  • CrunchyKnee

    "IT'Z MITT'S TIME!!!!11!" *

    *To be a butt-hurt dumbass douchenozzle. So, "sad."

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Boz Skaggs libel.

  • MozakiBlocks

    Damn I have a monster hangover this morning (too much nog and not enough egg) and the Wonkette server isn't helping.

    • eggsacklywright

      Kinda the opposite of Mittz. Too much Egg and not enough Nog. Rudolph Wurlitzer would snicker.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Wow, this took forever to load! The server boys protesting the lack of buttsechs?

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Aren't we all really?

  • prommie

    Fuck them both with a rusty old buick. I hope their servants continue to spit in their food as you KNOW they do, I hope they fucking choke on their fucking disappointed fucking entitlement, with no votes, I mean it, a rusty old fucking Buick from the fifties when the bumpers were covered with fucking knobs and random protrusions, fuck them with a giant old car.

    • eggsacklywright

      You are one eloquent fellow.

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      Those random protrusions were called Venti Ports, or some other meaningless sales promotion wordage, and I hope they're rusty too, also.

      • prommie

        Cruise-Matic Ventiports, yes. But I am really more into visualizing the damage that would be done by those strange, jet-fighter inspired bumper decorations, the missile-shaped pointy things and winglets and fins and lights.

        • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

          Ah yes, backing a '59 Caddilac in there with its fins and pointy tail lights rampant,  the only better mental image would be an early '50s Pontiac with its glowing Indian head lighting the way, because you can be sure that it's going to be really, really dark in there.

          • prommie

            Impale them on the Cadillac Ranch.

          • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

            Put it in “D” and floor it, dammit.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Haha, this confirms every nasty thing we said about Ann.

    • Chichikovovich

      Almost everything. I didn't see any confirmation in that article of her love of bathing in the blood of sacrificed virgins, or her lack of a reflection in a mirror.

  • eggsacklywright

    We have entered the chromastic infundibulum, where comments appear and die simultaneous-like.

    • bikerlaureate

      Could be an attempt at a time-saving way to track two posts at once…

  • RadioRaheem

    Now they can spend all their time in quiet rooms.

    • vulpes82

      The quiet. The quiet! That's what gets to Mittens… THE QUIET!

    • not that Dewey

      Where the ennuis are just the right height.

      • RadioRaheem

        In the decisionless forest.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Nelson Muntz says "HA ha."

  • Terry

    "y all accounts, the past month has been most difficult on Romney’s wife, Ann, who friends said believed up until the end that ascending to the White House was their destiny."

    This is one of the Republicans' major problems. They all seem to think that God has picked them out to get whatever they want.

  • Negropolis

    These Wonkettes, ISWYDT…gonna get your money's worth out of the raptured posts, eh?

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Oh come on, who hasn't bought a quality fast food restaurant chain when feeling a little stressed around the holidays?!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Mitt, Mitt, Mitt, if you want to feel better about yourself just give all your money to the poors.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Long Day's Journey Into Mittens

    • thatsitfortheother1

      The Winter of our Discombobulation.

    • Chichikovovich

      Mourning becomes Electr-Ann.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      all's well that ends well.

  • drewehartnyc

    Honestly, I think the problem is no pills, no drugs. I do believe he is a good Mormon (whatever that means, no comment), which means he doesn't do pills and drugs, and that is what he really needs – two percocet, an ambien and a few glasses of wine, mixed together or what I like to call, my nightly routine.

  • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

    Comments did not go back to the future, they've gone forward to the past, or what I like to call "three or four days ago".

  • TootsStansbury

    We're through the looking glass sheeples!

  • TootsStansbury

    Oh, and thoughts of sobbing, despondent Romneys dance like sugar plums in my head.

  • An_Outhouse

    Mitt should shave his head, and get some piercings. Maybe buy a Harley with a side car for Egg and LIVE! Woo hoo.

  • thatsitfortheother1

    Dissappointment makes drinking so much more fun.

    And they don't even have that.

    Heh.

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      For the Romneys, drinking would make disappointment so much easier to share, and we know that sharing is caring.

  • Chichikovovich

    Boston Market is owned by Sun Capitol of Boca Raton Fla. A co-CEO of that job creation firm is Marc J. Leder, who arranged the cozy, not-as-off-the-record-as-one-might-hope fundraising dinner for the elite at which Romney made his 47% er speech.

    Just thought you all might like to know that.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Therefore, turkeys.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Did they serve Boston Market at that fundraiser?

      Boston Market, or as we like to call it, BM… As in, did they all have their BM together while laughing at the poor?

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      does this mean i can't get their chicken pot pie anymore?

      man that would suck.

    • PuckStopsHere

      I remain convinced that whoever shot that video saved America from a Romney presidency.

  • An_Outhouse

    Hey its a new Wonkette game. Guess what post these comments belong to. Its like Jeopardy.

    • Beach_Bubba_Tex

      I meant to post my comment here (a phrase that I'll consider using on my headstone)

    • bikerlaureate

      This comment wasn't moved by the user.

  • Beach_Bubba_Tex

    I'll take New York insouciance and "Romneyfreude" for $1000, Alex.

  • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

    When it says that Ann was "trying to get back to riding her horses", is that just a nice way of saying doing both her gardener and the pool cleaner boy?

  • Beach_Bubba_Tex

    My guess is that Ann procures a chimpanzee soon and then starts pressuring Mitt to find a director capable of producing her screenplay of Salome… and get the damn car ready!

  • eggsacklywright

    Dyna-flow hummmmmmm…

  • LibrarianX

    Mitt spent a lot of time telling us why we should vote for him, but did he ever say WHY he wanted to be POTUS?

  • LibrarianX

    Visuals, please. I want a photo of them strolling the beach at San Clemente. Sobbing.

  • LibrarianX

    Don't cry for me Argentina

  • Come here a minute

    Mitt's not bored — he is very busy playing the game where you press all the buttons on your car elevator and race it to the top.

  • http://wonkette.com Tangled sin tax

    The tardis has put us into a time loop to protect us from the ????? that is about to devour us.

  • sullivanst

    Nope, the schadenfreude still hasn't got old.

  • GregComlish

    Don't the filthy rich have better places to order food from than Boston Market? Was Ann deliberately punishing her family with proliterian food since she had been abandoned by her fickle God? I don't get it.

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

      It was just from habit, of trying to seem like normal people for the last six months.

    • mayor_quimby

      It's the sign of a truly cheap, uncaring fuck. You mean to tell me he couldn't spring for one of those $150 Whole Foods prepared turkey meals they sell? You have to be a real asshole to server your son and grandkids Boston Market on a special occasion, when you clearly can do better. So, so lame.

  • http://www.marionstein.net Ground Zero Mostel

    Sounds like Ann's almost ready for her close-up on either Celebrity Rehab or the Surreal Life.

  • Disassembly

    Don't cry over scrambled eggs.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    It's obvious what is happening here. Ann is in such a deep tailspin from her megalomania over the prospect of being FLOTUS, that she cannot get it together enough to even supervise the servants creating a suitable Thanksgiving meal, and there's no way Mitt was going to be in charge of that shit, because all his time is consumed shuffling around the house like a car crash victim before the ambulance shows up. All of the kids and their families arrived the night before to discover nothing had been prepared for Thanksgiving. So, (as Chichi's eagle-eye spotted), they called up Mitt's CEO backer who owns Boston Market and had him send some stuff over, and they all ate in Ann's bedroom to make sure she didn't overdose or something.

  • harumpa

    Feeling sad that I shat all over their dreams…

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

    What's Thanksgiving without stuffy?

  • Isyaignert

    Wahhhh!! Karl Rove promised me I'd be queen of Amerikkka but that goshdurn Anonoymous had to go and mess up Karl's computers that were going to steal Ohio for Mitt. It's not fair, it's not fair! Wahhhh!

  • LesBontemps

    Mitt who?

  • keepwalkin

    395 comments no views

    Seems rather unlikely but I'd hate to go out on a limb.

  • viennawoods13

    The schadenfreude should wear off eventually, right?

    If your schadenfreude lasts longer than 4 weeks, who DO you contact?

    • Chichikovovich

      I don't know how long it will last. Could be a long time. I still haven't stopped smiling about the mere 2 seats in 1993 that were the last "F* you" from the Canadian people to the recently chased-out Brian Mulroney.

  • Barrelhse

    It's great to make fun of them, but we're struggling to get by on a couple of hundred million and it's not that easy.

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    The story is about Mitt, but the comments are about the NYS legislature. Is Mitt now running the Great State of New York, or is there a rupture in the space time continuum (aka the Wonkette server)

  • Eve8Apples

    The day I feel sorry for a couple millionaire aristocrats holed-up in their sprawling beachside La Jolla compound is the day the Pope converts to Mormonism.

  • mmeetoilenoir

    The Romneys couldn't call a damn caterer to whip up a nice holiday meal for the family? And these people wanted to run the country?! Mitt can't handle a damn turkey, and we were supposed to believe he could handle a 3 AM phone call to the White House? SMDH

  • BadKitty904

    I believe my folks know 'im (this is a *small* town)…

    It's regularly voted one of the most beautiful towns in America. And its citizens work hard to maintain its title as "Oldest Un-enclosed Asylum in the U.S.".

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Ann cries. Mitt tries to comfort her by singing 'America the Beautiful' to her. Ann sobs loudly.

  • Nostrildamus

    That Boston Market turkey's going to seem pretty fancy compared with next year's Arby's turkey sandwiches and meth.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    By all accounts, the past month has been most difficult on Romney’s wife, Ann, who friends said believed up until the end that ascending to the White House was their destiny.

    i cannot describe how loathsome i find this woman.

    (sorry no snark – just thankful i don't have to live with myself living with egg romney in the white house…)

  • bearperney

    Sweet, just sweet.

  • BoroPrimorac

    I have a tooth ache and this made me feel a hell of a lot better. Fuck the Romneys and their photogenic sons.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Now is the winter of Mitt's discontent.

  • Eve8Apples

    Wow… Losing a Presidential election in a landslide and eating a Thanksgiving dinner from Boston Market. Mitt's 4th quarter 2012 really sucked.

  • ttommyunger

    This is a reprint of an article which originally appeared in "Who Gives a Fuck?" Magazine.

  • dommyluc

    I nearly had to put on a pair of Pampers while reading this God-awfully badly written article because i was laughing so hard at these clueless elites that I nearly soiled myself. I wondered how Philip Rucker managed to type while having Mitt's dick in his mouth at the same time. And Ann Romney's reaction to their "devastating" loss was the comic highlight of my year: I kept waitng for Aunt Pittypat to come bursting through the door, screaming,"Yankees! In Georgia!!"
    And cook your own goddamned turkey you lazy fucks.

  • freakishlywrong

    [T]the Fox News Channel host was named in a sexual harassment lawsuit brimming with lurid details about vibrators, phone sex, threesomes, masturbation, Caribbean shower fantasies, a Thai sex show, falafel, stewardess trysts, vehicular coupling, and Al Franken.

    Shit never gets old.

  • miss_grundy

    But that is all of YA fiction right now. And those writers are making money off that stuff and having it turned into movies. Though I do want to see "Warm Bodies". The idea of a zombie in love with a warm blood…..

  • tessiee

    The Lion King?

  • Vecchiojohn

    All right thinking, God fearing Americans hate the Yankees. The are part of the Axis of Evil that includes the Dallas Cowpersons and the LA Goddam Lakers.

  • bikerlaureate

    Raul Castro?

  • prommie

    Mobbed up? I thought he just had skeletons in his closet. Seems like his son doesn't have any of those skeletons. Doesn't have much of any of the talent for speaking or presence or charisma of dad either.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    The Cat Daddy was in rehab after ODing and given a cat named Benny who had been hit by a car. That cat probably saved his life as he nurtured and rehabbed the cat, while the cat rehabbed him.

    I don't think he qualifies as a hipster. He didn't do that ironically.

  • prommie

    Hi, I am Prommie, nice to meet you. I'm fucking smart, I have an attention span and I am deeply insightful about the world, society, and even my own self. Now somebody fucking put me in charge, I know I would do better than this.

  • prommie

    Its the Homeland! Where, Chet, where should we look to find this uber-menschen of whom you speak?

  • sullivanst

    Who else will make sure we have enough room for living?

  • miss_grundy

    Except that the Republicans were able to gerrymander the districts in Michigan so that they now have the majority. And the first thing they decided to do after the elections was to introduce a bill that would give a tax credit to 12 week old fetuses. Obviously, they learned nothing from the presidential election. I'm waiting to hear them speak on "legitimate rape". Besides, Reindeer Man won the election in my congressional district. I can't wait until he starts talking crazy and it is reported right here at Wonkette.

  • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

    My favorite teams are the Detroit Tigers and whoever is playing the Yankees.

  • Negropolis

    I do hope you're right. If we are to elect Republicans, let them entertaining ones.

    I also can't wait until Speaker Bolger is indicted for the election fraud he is currently under investigation for, and his caucus who re-elected him flee like the plague.

  • Vecchiojohn

    In Portland, red state country starts east of 82nd Street and runs all the way to Minneapolis.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    That is 4 Days Ago Chet, Proms, whose comments have been Frankensteined on to this unrelated post. But anyway, howzit goin'?

  • James Michael Curley

    Congressman Brody is still available and his expertise with electronics has moved him up the Presidential succession ladder. I just want to know where was he when Cheney's Pacemaker needed a little boost?

  • prommie

    Its just the war between "civilization" (which literally means "citified") and barbarism. It has always been thus.

  • Vecchiojohn

    Yes yes yes (to quote a well-know Editrix). Republicans go at it with everything they've got while the Dems play Hamlet. Bring back LBJ as Senate leader.

  • prommie

    Funny you mention that, I been trying to get Fakakta to try Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy or The Pefect Spy or one of them. Fucking LeCarre is a genius.

  • Vecchiojohn

    No shit. I even routed for the Orange County California Angels of Anaheim the year they knocked the Yankees out of the playoffs.

  • Beach_Bubba_Tex

    …and in the governor's mansion

    All in all, I prefer the cloistered, 1950s, hide weird Aunt Nellie approach.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Senator Joseph Lebensraum? (Oldie but goodie!)

  • bikerlaureate

    Cocoa Beach, here. You?

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Anybody with a vowel on the end of his name is a Made Guy.

  • LetUsBray

    When I was a Reedie in the '80s the (wrong kind of) redness started at 39th. So that's progress.

  • Beowoof

    Love it there, particularly sitting out at the end of the pier drinking Michelob Amber Bock on summer evenings.

  • BadKitty904

    St. Augustine, born'n'bred! "Our nation's Oldest City"

    I've been fishing down at Cocoa MANY a time…

  • nonbeliever7

    Squiggie's?

  • BadKitty904

    Yeah, buddy!

  • Secluded Compound

    The $1500 rents stop there now.

  • HuddledMass

    Oh wow, do you know Les Thomas? He's an architect there – and long-time resident, like historical, descendant-of-the Minorcans, long-time. Beautiful town, great people – I love St Augustine.

  • Nostrildamus

    Residents of Wonkette's NW corner are cool and wet, but not in the good way.