jefferson grew hemp etc

Ron Paul Jabbers At Nation One Last Time: Let’s Break Up America, For Weed

Uh oh, we will need to make some changes to this mapDoes Dr. Professor Congressman Ron Paul count as one of our “pantheon of fallen heroes”? No, because he has chosen to leave Congress voluntarily, which means that he is Undefeated, forever. The fact that he is using his God/Constitution-granted Liberty to walk away from Congress has probably gotten him thinking, though, thinking about how Liberty means you should be able to walk away from anything. You should even be able to walk away from America, if you are a state that hates Barack Obama … or one that loves weed. Oh, did we just blow your mind with that last one?

You might have heard about all the people signing secession petitions in the wake of Barak Nobama’s election-coup this month. Dr. Ron Paul heard about them too! And he’s got some thoughts about them:

Secession is a deeply American principle. This country was born through secession. Some felt it was treasonous to secede from England, but those “traitors” became our country’s greatest patriots.

There is nothing treasonous or unpatriotic about wanting a federal government that is more responsive to the people it represents. That is what our Revolutionary War was all about and today our own federal government is vastly overstepping its constitutional bounds with no signs of reform. In fact, the recent election only further entrenched the status quo. If the possibility of secession is completely off the table there is nothing to stop the federal government from continuing to encroach on our liberties and no recourse for those who are sick and tired of it.

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Historically accurate, sort of! Probably we should distinguish between our Founding Fathers, who were for the most part the politicians who ran the American colonial governments and even had what passed for electoral mandates in the 1770s, from disgruntled weirdos who just put their first name and last initial on some dumb e-petition. But still, what sort of terrible encroachment are the Feds up to, Congressman? Taxes? Obamacare? What’s the worst thing you can think of?

Consider the ballot measures that passed in Colorado and Washington state regarding marijuana laws. The people in those states have clearly indicated that they are ready to try something different where drug policy is concerned, yet they will still face a tremendous threat from the federal government. In California, the Feds have been arresting peaceful medical marijuana users and raiding dispensaries that state and local governments have sanctioned. This shouldn’t happen in a free country.

Ha ha, we really will miss you, Congressman Dr. Ron Paul, because you do say fun things like this, in between the crazy racist stuff. Enjoy your retirement! By the looks of things, you’ll be spending it baked out of your mind. Here, enjoy Ron Paul insulting some Reaganaut drug warrior on the Morton Downey Jr. show in 1988:

Meanwhile, a conservative who actually has power over American lives has a … somewhat different view on this whole matter:

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia actually addressed the question in a letter obtained by The Wall Street Journal, in which the conservative justice said the “answer is clear.”

“If there was any constitutional issue resolved by the Civil War, it is that there is no right to secede,” Scalia wrote.

This has been your report on the state of the debate between the wacko libertarian and thuggish authoritarian sides of the conservative movement for the day. [Ron Paul's actual House blog/The Hill]

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About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger

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117 comments

    1. ManchuCandidate

      The Rise of the Paultards was the most entertaining thing on the internets ever.

      These are great days we're living, Wonks. We are jolly intertubes giants, surfing the Tubes with snark. These people we goofed on here today are the most entertaining head cases we will ever know. After the election ends, we're gonna miss not having anyone around that's worth snarking on.

      1. SorosBot

        I miss the frequent 2008 Paultard invasions in the comments sometimes; guess IntenseDebate scared them off this past election.

        1. ManchuCandidate

          Naw. A commenting system wouldn't have stopped them. There just wasn't that enthusiasm for Paultard by the Paultards this time. Either reality or the mockery got to them. Or we were trolled.

      1. SorosBot

        See, that's why you should find out that sort of thing before having sex with someone, so you can make sure to never, ever fuck a Libertarian.

        1. GhostBuggy

          Well, if they're big Ayn Rand fans, they probably gave themselves away during the sex with all the requests to rough them up a little.

        2. glamourdammerung

          The worst part is when they keep interrupting you when you are going down on them to ask "are you SURE you are not being altruistic"?

  1. PsycWench

    “If there was any constitutional issue resolved by the Civil War, it is that there is no right to secede,” Scalia wrote.

    Scalia wrote this? That's gonna blow some minds. Not very large ones, though.

    1. MittsHairHelmet

      Also, there was this whole constitutional issue about the legality of OWNING A HUMAN BEING that was also resolved.

      1. HRH_Maddie

        I'm feeling a little lazy today, but something about Justice Thomas disagreeing with this being resolved.

    2. BerkeleyBear

      I dunno – I'm pretty stunned to find myself agreeing with him on anything. Of course, he then proves it is a blind squirrel/acorn moment by claiming the 14th and 15th amendment have nothing to do with any group other than former slaves, no matter what they actually say.

    3. JustPixelz

      That's gonna blow some minds

      That would be a great psychology experiment. Connect some sophomores to a brain measuring machine, like a colander with wires or whatnot. Then read them Scalia's opinions. For the control group, read the relatively moderate opinions of, say, Michele Bachmann. Measure and publish.

    4. Negropolis

      I think it's important to mention that the interpretation, here, is not that he's against states leaving for some alturistic reason, but because he truly believes in fascism/authoritarianism.

    1. Guppy

      If it helps, I still think he's wrong: Texas v. White seems to only say there is no unilateral secession; Congress can still kick out Texas.

      Which means Scalia is wrong for the usual reasons: ignoring prior case law and just making it up as he goes along.

  2. Lizzietish81

    In the early days of the Republican Primary Funhouse Specials I saw a macro posted on facebook which said "Under Ron Paul We'll all be Miserable, but at least we'll all be stoned"

    Don't worry though, his son is still in congress fighting for freedom (not so fast ladies) from the evil government (but he'll take that paycheck) and its enforcers (unless your black, in which case you should probably just be locked up now)

    Also I doubt Ron Paul can actually die so we'll never be rid of him.

    1. Lizzietish81

      He would die from easily treatable ailments and his followers will cheer his fearless devotion to his own crazy rhetoric.

        1. Lizzietish81

          His funeral will be a DIY affair, attended by thousands of people who will consecrate him as a Saint of the Church of Rand. Some enterprising job creator will take a cue from the Ferengi, and compress his remains into dust to be sold off in little petrie dishes. Every good libertarian will have a piece of Ron his mantle alter next to the consecrated copy of Atlas Shrugged.

    2. sullivanst

      I liked the WH petition to the effect that before a state can secede, they must pay their portion of the national debt.

  3. PsycWench

    disgruntled weirdos who just put their first name and last initial on some dumb e-petition. not to mention disgruntled weirdos who actually lean heavily on governmenty things like Medicare and Social Security.

  4. EatsBabyDingos

    Historically, we used leaches to cure syphilis, so let's put a few dozen on Ron's wiener for historical accuracy.

  5. Goonemeritus

    "If the possibility of secession is completely off the table there is nothing to stop the federal government from continuing to encroach on our liberties and no recourse for those who are sick and tired of it. "

    I agree, maybe we should consider electing our leaders. I know this sound crazy but think about it, it could just work.

    1. Guppy

      Republicanism? Now wait just a moment! We fought a Revolution for secession, not to actually change the form of government!

  6. skoalrebel

    Freedom! [spit!] I'm gonna fly my rebel flag high, celebrating the original constitution and my right to own niggers. [spit!] It's time to secede again, real America! Get on that double-wide trailer to the future and leave behind all those stupid blue states with their commies and fancy faggot coffe. [spit!]

      1. skoalrebel

        Fuck, yeah! [spit!] Like it says in the Bible "Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain." [spit] We're gonna win the fuckin' race, and we're takin NASCAR with us! [spit!]

  7. Yellerdawg

    Texans are all excited about secession, but after all the federal $$$ and troops left, they would find themselves trying to climb the border fence to pick peppers in New Mexico and have anchor babies in an Arkansas hospital.

  8. Maman

    Can you imagine the batshit stuff he will write now that he isn't running again? I saw those newsletters back in the day… They were nutz

      1. Lizzietish81

        But he signed off them…without writing or reading them apparently.

        So either he carelessly signed his name on articles without actually seeing what they were about, he's lying or senility hit him earlier than we thought.

  9. SorosBot

    "Secession is a deeply American principle."

    Um, yeah, no I think some traitor states tried that once and were soundly defeated.

  10. elviouslyqueer

    If a people cannot secede from an oppressive government, they cannot truly be considered free.

    Point of order, Ron, darling. Up until you turned tail and ran the fuck out left Congress "voluntarily," you were an elected representative of said oppressive government.

    Suck on that, Ronnie. Suck. it. hard.

  11. Lascauxcaveman

    they are ready to try something different where drug policy is concerned, yet they will still face a tremendous threat from the federal government.

    Oh, please. I'm not afraid of those guys even when I'm feeling extra paranoid.

    OTOH,

    “If there was any constitutional issue resolved by the Civil War, it is that there is no right to secede,” Scalia wrote.

    Hmmm. Considering the source, maybe these WATB secession nerds have a valid point.

  12. freakishlywrong

    "Secession is a deeply American principle."
    Can we bring this up when Rand runs for Preznit? Good Times!

  13. SorosBot

    Hey, Ron, you might want to learn what is actually in the Constitution before you start spouting off about it and looking like a moron, claiming laws are unconstitutional when they clearly are in fact constitutional.

    What part of "This Constitution, and the Laws of the United States which shall be made in Pursuance thereof; and all Treaties made, or which shall be made, under the Authority of the United States, shall be the supreme Law of the Land; and the Judges in every State shall be bound thereby, any Thing in the Constitution or Laws of any State to the Contrary notwithstanding" do you not understand?

    1. ChillBill

      "Hey, Ron, you might want to learn what is actually in the Constitution before you start spouting off about it and looking like a moron, claiming laws are unconstitutional when they clearly are in fact constitutional. "

      You just described, quite succinctly, Ron Paul's entire political career.

    2. Guppy

      Everyone knows that, when viewed in the light of the full moon, you can see the Double Secret Nullification Clause in the Constitution!

    1. elviouslyqueer

      Here's another idea. Move to a different country galaxy.

      FTFY. And I heard Andromeda is lovely this time of year.

  14. sullivanst

    I suppose a Thunderdome-style deathmatch between Paul and Scalia is out of the question?

    I mean, whoever loses, we'd all win.

  15. freakishlywrong

    Remember all this secession talk when Cheney and Dubya were wiping their asses with our "freedom"? Yeah, me neither.

  16. kittensdontlie

    ♫ Where have all the crazies gone?
    Long time passing
    Where have all the crazies gone?
    Long time ago
    Where have all the crazies gone?
    Gone to secede, every one
    When will they ever learn?
    When will they ever learn? ♫ ♪

      1. HistoriCat

        Where in the Constitution does it talk about a postal service?

        Wait – what? No – you can't be serious … let me look … I know I have that copy of the Constitution somewhere.

        Shut up.

  17. TootsStansbury

    Hey congressman, since you're going Galt; can I have you're retirement benefits? I would hate to see your freedoms infringed upon.

  18. pinstripebindi

    "One last time", if only. Faux News will probably sign him on as proof that they're "fair and balanced". Because even though he is a misogynist gun nut who thinks states should be allowed to teach fairy tales instead of science, he likes to get hiiiiigh.

  19. Bezoar

    Arguably Scalia is wrong, and of course there is the possibility of secession, if it is arrived at by legal and peaceful means. The example of the Confederacy is irrelevant, because as far as the Federal authorities could tell, the southern states had simply declared war, possibly in defiance of the wishes of their people – how could it be known? So the Civil War was more a matter of subduing criminal gangs than anything else.

  20. TribecaMike

    Isn't that Marshall Crenshaw in the polka-dotted shirt, and if so why wasn't he allowed to sing at least one song?

    Free the power pop!!

  21. James Michael Curley

    It seems to me that when one has a close up of a tattoo like that and it is still nearly impossible to identify the gender of the owner or the body part on which such tattoo is placed, the aforementioned tattoo/body part owner was ill advised to display both.

  22. owhatever

    My great-great-grandpa tried the secession thing awhile back and it didn't work out so great for our fambly.,

  23. Terry

    "There is nothing treasonous or unpatriotic about wanting a federal government that is more responsive to the people it represents."

    And a majority of Americans were clear about what they wanted when they reelected Obama.

    "That is what our Revolutionary War was all about and today our own federal government is vastly overstepping its constitutional bounds with no signs of reform. In fact, the recent election only further entrenched the status quo."

    But this is the kind of government activity that the majority of Americans want, Paul. Can't have it both ways. Can't claim that government must be responsive to the will of the people….THEN….claim that the government can't do what the people want.

    Go back to Texas (or maybe your native Pennsylvania) and live out your twilight years writing and editing racist newsletters.

  24. JustPixelz

    To help give the secessionists something to think* about, sign the "We the People" petition to repeal the 22nd Amendment which would allow Barack Obama to run for another term. http://wh.gov/XKK6
    ____________________
    * obviously making a big assumption here

  25. Hera Sent Me

    Treason doth never prosper: what’s the reason? Why, if it prosper, none dare call it treason. – John Harington.

  26. shelwood46

    When we seceded from England and the South seceded from the US, there were no repercussions and it was peaceful and orderly. Let's do that again!

  27. Negropolis

    What don't these fuckers that compare the Confederacy to the colonies not seem to get that the colonies were just that? Colonies. These political/legal status of these two entities simply weren't the same.

    That said, the Banana/Christianist Republic of Texas has a nice ring to it. Perhaps, they could be allies with other noted theocracies. But, can you imagine the refugee crises when they declare their independence. I mean, diease-infested tent cities on the Arkansas border…actually, I guess it wouldn't be that different, at all.

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