FORWARD COMRADES  12:56 pm November 16, 2012

Dispatches From The FEMA Camps: Barack Obama’s Brave New World Will Not Have Applebees, Vinyl Siding

by Jeff Wattrick

Obama YouthThe most important thing to know about the FEMA Camps, where we will be soon living now that Barack HUSSEIN Obama secured his second term by giving gifts to browns and poors and slutty youngs, is density. The image of FEMA Camps as these desolate concentration camps is actually wrong. In reality, these encampments will be Agenda 21-compliant model cities.

You and your family will have your own dwelling, but it will be small. Think of the average-size McMansion that all job creators strive for. Now, imagine the space where, back when this was a free country, that McMansion would have had a “great room.” That is where another family’s house will be. The second floor will be, instead of bedrooms and a master bath, homes for like six more families. Instead of spreading out these homes over a completely illogical series of cul-de-sacs, as the market demands, they will be arranged on a centrally-planned grid.

Everything will be pedestrian friendly and “sustainable.” Back when Obama was at that Kenyan madrassa, Saul Alinsky taught him that sustainability is the key to making everything socialist. There will be plentiful sidewalks and bike lanes because no one except for camp commandants will have cars. Commandants will have Chinese-made Jeeps for patrol purposes only.

Residents will have the option of taking FEMA light rail trollies to jobs — provided they join the FEMA union — making windmill components and solar panels for Solyndra, or at the camp’s Planned Parenthood Abortionplex. That place will always need workers because Obama’s second term totally means a One Couple/One Child policy for white people.

What you won’t see at the FEMA Camps are the strip malls, chain restaurants, and cul-de-sac faux-neighborhoods that our Founding Fathers intended. No churches or synagogues either, but plenty of mosques. And all restaurants and grocery stores will be vegan co-ops.

Now, you Wonketteers are probably thinking: “This sounds like the most magical socialist paradise ever and I can’t wait, but there’s no way people who love their Red Robin bottomless fries and vinyl houses with stucco facades will tolerate this glorious UN-planned desecration of American values.

Perhaps that would be a probably for a less Muslim-Socialist demagogue. Fortunately, Dear Leader Obama is very smart. How do you think he managed to get all those black votes in Maine? For this project, he has an even more diabolical way to force his will upon the sheeple Americans. Two words: Mind Control. Some guy named Chip Searcy recently explained the whole thing to the Georgia Senate Republican caucus.

About 23 minutes into the briefing, Searcy explained how President Obama, aided by liberal organizations like the Center for American Progress and business groups like local chambers of commerce, are secretly using mind-control techniques to push their plan for forcible relocation on the gullible public:

They do that by a process known as the Delphi technique. The Delphi technique was developed by the Rand Corporation during the Cold War as a mind-control technique. It’s also known as “consensive process.” But basically the goal of the Delphi technique is to lead a targeted group of people to a pre-determined outcome while keeping the illusion of being open to public input.

The Delphi technique is so air tight and perfect that there’s no way a revolt against the Agenda 21/FEMA camps will ever be successful. So you can forget about Glenn Beck’s anti-Agenda 21 Turner Diaries fantasy ever coming true.

Forward!

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 201 comments }

Mumbletypeg November 16, 2012 at 1:00 pm

overcrowding… illogical… central planned grid

Sounds like the interior design structure of America's other victim, of Bush-initiative NCLB Death Camps: the public school student's pliable yet expendable mind.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 16, 2012 at 11:40 pm

Sounds a lot like Manhattan, actually, except for the mosque thing … those are merely competitive in the religion market.

Ground Zero Mostel November 16, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Are you sure you meant Georgia like Georgia, USA?

EatsBabyDingos November 16, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Duty now for the future. And anyway, my local echo chamber of commerce only says NONEWTAXESNONEWTAXESNONEWTAXES, which looks like "no Newt axes," which I am okay with. Abe Lincoln yes, Teletubbies no.

Texan_Bulldog November 16, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Maybe Barry does have mind control powers. He sure made Willard say some stupid shit.

JustPixelz November 16, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Willard was brainwashed … by Fux News.

HistoriCat November 16, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Romneys must have a gentic pre-disposition to being easily brainwashed.

Mittaplasia November 16, 2012 at 2:04 pm

He was putting the whammy on Mittens during the first debate, or am I the only one who thought Bams was in some self-induced trance at the time?).

docterry6973 November 16, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Light rail to a job at the Abortionplex? Sign me up!

Abernathy November 16, 2012 at 1:05 pm

No need for commuting. In America, you go to the abortionplex. In FEMA camps, the abortionplex comes to you!

gullywompr November 16, 2012 at 1:13 pm

These communities are serviced by the Abortinmobile daily.

Nostrildamus November 16, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Is the Abortinmobile one of those human-animal hybrids?

wondering where i am November 17, 2012 at 12:27 pm

The Republicans are in favor of heavy rail, very very heavy rail carried on the shoulders of Chinamen, like in the olden days.

ManchuCandidate November 16, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Everyone gets coffee except the people who believe Glengarry Glen Ross is a life primer (not joking, I've known a few) and not merely an entertaining movie about real estate.

ChillBill November 16, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Did you drive a Hunday to work today?

schvitzatura November 16, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Dibs on the steak knives, guys…to slash the throats of the BSDs that are keeping me down (in the FEMA camps, with votes, obvs)…

GeorgiaBurning November 16, 2012 at 1:31 pm

You wanna work here – close!

tracyhasfun November 16, 2012 at 1:56 pm

The copier industry is full of those asshats. :P

gullywompr November 16, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Obama's already brainwashed local chambers of commerce? Man, that Delphi's some shit!

BadKitty904 November 16, 2012 at 1:05 pm

I LOLed when I saw that one…

SorosBot November 16, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Hey, chambers of commerce have always been known for promoting far-left socialist ideals!

gullywompr November 16, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Right? They should be called "Chambers of Communism".

Doktor Zoom November 16, 2012 at 1:25 pm

It's the best there is.

gullywompr November 16, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Ludovico Treatment libel!

bikerlaureate November 16, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Looks like it got you too.

A mind is a terrible thing… uh…

SorosBot November 16, 2012 at 1:02 pm

But where do the reverse vampires enter in to this?

GunToting[Redacted] November 16, 2012 at 1:41 pm

I KNEW it was them, even when it wasn't.

Abernathy November 16, 2012 at 1:02 pm

I call dibs on the job of sending notebooks through pneumatic tubes to nowhere!

FlownOver November 16, 2012 at 1:04 pm

It's the Unified Nutbar Theory! Wraps everything up in a single big ol' ball of crazy.

eggsacklywright November 16, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Def camp? That's an interesting combo.

UW8316154 November 16, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Sounds like a paradise of thin, healthy auto-bots…line up those boxcars!

BadKitty904 November 16, 2012 at 1:04 pm

"This one time, at FEMA camp…"

EnnuiThereYet? November 16, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Chip Searcy is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life.

SorosBot November 16, 2012 at 1:15 pm

I loved Chip. Much better than Cats. I'm going to see him again and again.

edgydrifter November 16, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Modest homes on pedestrian-friendly grids? Sounds like everyone is moving to my 'hood. Hell yeah! Somebody call the fire dancers, I'll grab a keg, and let's have a block party!

schvitzatura November 16, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Burning Man, from coast to coast…

HELisforHEL November 16, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Small and manageable and affordable homes that won't house 6 kids? Small, easy to deal with lawns? Sidewalks and proximity to local stores? Easy access to rail? Sounds like my area of worker-bee homes in a working class burg…so come on down! We can use more reasonable intelligent and fun folks! But be warned–we have the Blahs and the Browns as neighbors. THE END OF AMERIKKKKAAAAAA!

However, our Chamber of Commerce is made up of those NONEWTAXES clowns mentioned above. Yeah, I don't believe Magic Barry has brainwashed any CoC turds as of yet…they're normally right-wing assholes looking for a handout.

Dr_Zoidberg November 16, 2012 at 1:06 pm

I've already made my reservation!

schvitzatura November 16, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Is my town's planning commission going to approve the construction of its portion of the American Sector of the UN-approved GaiaEcumenopolis? Anyway, just make sure my "gifts" are ready for me and my family during move-in day to our cells in sub-level 1001/b-z NoVA quadrant.

snowpointsecret November 16, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Applebee's? No Red Lobster either.

Or Papa John's, which I find hilarious since my town of 38,000 has at least 13 other pizza places to go to. I'll really have to suffer by not going there, obviously!

SorosBot November 16, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Where will we get our shitty chain food at the local horrible suburban mall?

JustPixelz November 16, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Or pay a 5% "Obamacare" surcharge at Denny's!. OK, it's not that you have to pay 5% more for your health insurance because you eat at Denny's. It's that they plan to add 5% to the bill as a separate item to pay for Obamacare. The asshole owner readily says customers should regard it as part of the tip. To which I readily say, "Siri, where's the nearest Panera?"

SorosBot November 16, 2012 at 1:53 pm

At one specific Denny's franchise; and that asshole owner has actually said he plans on telling customers to deduct the surcharge from their tips. Fuck that asshole, and I hope he eats at his own restaurants regularly to get special cream added by the staff.

Mittaplasia November 16, 2012 at 2:07 pm

He doesn't want to know about the "secret sauce".

Callyson November 16, 2012 at 1:09 pm

What's all this fuss about, Wikipedia?

The Delphi method is a structured communication technique, originally developed as a systematic, interactive forecasting method which relies on a panel of experts.
In the standard version, the experts answer questionnaires in two or more rounds. After each round, a facilitator provides an anonymous summary of the experts’ forecasts from the previous round as well as the reasons they provided for their judgments. Thus, experts are encouraged to revise their earlier answers in light of the replies of other members of their panel. It is believed that during this process the range of the answers will decrease and the group will converge towards the "correct" answer. Finally, the process is stopped after a pre-defined stop criterion (e.g. number of rounds, achievement of consensus, stability of results) and the mean or median scores of the final rounds determine the results.

OMG it's mind control!!!

/ROTFLMAO

snowpointsecret November 16, 2012 at 1:10 pm

I thought the Delphi method was just shutting down then blaming it on Obama.

PubOption November 16, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Or selling off parts of the business to Bain Capital, who then close the US factories down and move production to China. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-shuster/mr-pr

BadKitty904 November 16, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Next up: Fluoridation and the Red Menace!

Designer_Rants November 16, 2012 at 1:26 pm

I make my wife go to her Red Menace Hut during that time of the month.

ChernobylSoup November 16, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Is the hut bear-proof?

Designer_Rants November 20, 2012 at 12:30 am

I dunno, but my wife is, I'll bet.

bikerlaureate November 16, 2012 at 2:13 pm

"Democrats tryin' to negotiate."

There. A lot less wordy.

FlipFlopFuck November 16, 2012 at 1:09 pm

I heard the Obamaphone 6 is going to be released soon!

MissTaken November 16, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Speaking of the Obamaphone 6, I voted for Obama and my Obamaphone 4 is all scratched up (I missed the free upgrade to the Obamaphone 5 due to having my daily abortion). It's been nearly two weeks now, when the fuck to I get my gift of a new Obamaphone??

HELisforHEL November 16, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Damn! And I just got my free Obamaphone 5 yesterday.

Mittaplasia November 16, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Bleepin' technology is becoming obsolete overnight. I will welcome my 2nd term usurping overlord AND my new Obamaphone 7.

SorosBot November 16, 2012 at 1:09 pm

You don't need to see his identification. These aren't the FEMA camps you're looking for. He can go about his business. Move along.

HELisforHEL November 16, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Sweet!

ChillBill November 16, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Your tax dollars at work, Georgia.

Designer_Rants November 16, 2012 at 1:27 pm

No wonder they hate government.

CrunchyKnee November 16, 2012 at 1:10 pm

ORCA ate the Delphi! RUN SHEOPLE!!!!!!!111

weejee November 16, 2012 at 1:11 pm

♪♫ There must be some kinda way out of here
Said the Joker to the Thief
There's too much confusion
The Seceders believe
Princess Lindsey always whines
Walnutz is just absurd
The Koch brothers were approaching
And Anonymous began to howl ♫♪

OneYieldRegular November 16, 2012 at 1:11 pm

You do realize that you've just described San Francisco, don't you?

SorosBot November 16, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Or pretty much every city in the US.

Except Boston. Whoever designed that city didn't understand the basic concept of a grid, and how much easier that makes it to get around.

GunToting[Redacted] November 16, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Damned cowherds! *shakes fist*

Negropolis November 17, 2012 at 1:55 am

Well, when you see the old maps of Boston (it was nearly an island) it makes sense. I don't think most people realize just how much of Boston's geography is manmade. It was crazy for me to think about the Revolutionary War days and realize that Boston was physically a very different place than what we know today.

MissTaken November 16, 2012 at 1:11 pm

I already live in a 600 sq foot apartment near a public transit station that takes me to my job in an urban city center where we compost the remains of our vegan lunches each day. The mind control is already happening!

Lascauxcaveman November 16, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Composting? You don't keep urban chickens? Get with the program, sister.

SorosBot November 16, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Hey that sounds just like the place I live now – oh no he really is forcing us all into the Agenda 21 lifestyle!

schvitzatura November 16, 2012 at 1:51 pm

As long as you have the glass dishes with tiny bubbles and imperfections, proof they were crafted by the honest, simple, hard-working indigenous peoples of… wherever, you'll be just fine, right?

Pithaughn November 16, 2012 at 4:41 pm

My happiest days were living in 750 sq ft condo across the street from a bus that took you to the base of a ski area, the bus ride was free!! It took a total of 1/2 hour to get to the top of the ski area ( Beaver Creek ) . The owners of the ski area had thoughtfully provided picnic tables within shelters to facilitate ingestion of weed. Then strap on the 213's and bomb the blue runs at 60mph. Rinse lather repeat.

owhatever November 16, 2012 at 1:12 pm

I shall be hosting my own event for Georgia Republican legislators, entitled: The Best Ten Ways that True Americans can stop the New Devil Kenyan What Has Rose Up From Hellfire to Take Our Guns and Womenz, and How to Stick Peanuts in Your Nose. Contributions payable at the door. Visa and Mastercard accepted.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 16, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Sounds Europey! Can we have better beer too?

Lascauxcaveman November 16, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Visit some of your more well-regarded local brewpubs. You won't find better beer than that in Europe.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 16, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Yes, but the best beer here is only sometimes slightly better than the most average beer in Germany. And don't even get me started on the lack of quality control at our brewpubs and microbreweries. It is a tragedy how many beers I try that should be great except that they are either underfermented or oxidized. Its a total gamble with every pint.

HistoriCat November 16, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Wait – don't you work for a brewery?

Time to be part of the solution!

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 16, 2012 at 1:39 pm

I'm doing my best, but I'm only one person.

MUHAMMED_PBUH November 16, 2012 at 1:13 pm

yeah yeah laugh it up guys

just wait until Walton Simons outsources your job to illegal aliens, greasels, and karkians; and then you die from the Grey Death or get machinegunned by augmented Majestic 12 stormtroopers

SayItWithWookies November 16, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Shit, I just know that plot's a lie — hell, if Obama wanted to send people to integrated public housing where they'd have access to contraception, build clean energy systems and ride around on public transportation, he'd've run on that.

DerrickWildcat November 16, 2012 at 1:15 pm

I thought the U.N. is a bunch of incompetent powerless boobs.

Blueb4sinrise November 16, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Boobies have tremendous power.

gullywompr November 16, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Can you use "powerless" and "boobs" in the same sentence? I mean, you wanna talk mind control…

Doktor Zoom November 16, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Except for the Stealing American Sovereignty Directorate. That section's ruthless.

Naked_Bunny November 16, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Not according to the well-documented research published in Left Behind.

SuspectedDemocrat November 16, 2012 at 2:35 pm

I have often found myself hypnotized by boobs.

sewollef November 16, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Happened to me all the time on the subway during the summer….

Lascauxcaveman November 16, 2012 at 1:16 pm

[/goes off to research Delphi technique to see if can be used to make wife think that sexytime was her idea]

BadKitty904 November 16, 2012 at 1:16 pm

By the way, Mother Jones gives a different take on this loon-fest: http://www.motherjones.com/mojo/2012/11/georgia-senate-g...

They’re saying it was convened by Chip Rogers, Georgia’s Republican caucus majority leader and Tea Party activist.

They go on to say: “It was emceed by Field Searcy, a local conservative activist who was forced out of the Georgia Tea Party in April due to his endorsement of conspiracy theories about the president's birth certificate and the collapse of World Trade Center Tower 7. The presentation also featured a special video cameo from conservative talking-head Dick Morris in which the former Clinton aide warns that Obama ‘wants to force everyone into the cities from whence our ancestors fled.’"

SorosBot November 16, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Obama ‘wants to force everyone into the cities from whence our ancestors fled.’

And who were "our" ancestors fleeing from again? But they're not racist, no!

BadKitty904 November 16, 2012 at 1:22 pm

I already live in a city. Do I have to be forced into a different one?

SorosBot November 16, 2012 at 1:54 pm

My ancestors, on my dad's side, fled the rural South to go to the East Coast cities. That was definitely the better move.

SayItWithWookies November 16, 2012 at 1:27 pm

No way I'm going to Naples, Italy, regardless of what our prez wants me to do — that place is like the Trenton of the Mediterranean.

weejee November 16, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Mrs. weejee and I have a block and a half commute to the office. Will Bamz allow us a cobbler deduction on our taxes to cover the wear-and-tear on our poor soles?

HistoriCat November 16, 2012 at 1:33 pm

You libruls – always wanting hand-outs!

Sharkey November 16, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Let's set up a Kickstarter and make this thing happen!!

Joshua Norton November 16, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Searcy explained how President Obama, aided by liberal organizations like the Center for American Progress and business groups like local chambers of commerce, are secretly using mind-control techniques to push their plan for forcible relocation on the gullible public:

This is pure wingnut gold.

I’m tempted to say that the entire comment has to be a spoof because it’s just too stupid even for a teabilly, but actually I think it’s just stupid enough.

Lot_49 November 16, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Everyone knows that the Chamber of Commerce is a front organization for the liberal-leftist oppressor. Particularly that US Chamber–they're like the COMINTERN.

HouseOfTheBlueLights November 16, 2012 at 1:33 pm

The crazy thing about chambers of commerce is that every one that I participate in (which is several, because they're awesome local institutions) tends to be largely populated by either dyed-in-the-wool progressive small business and LLC owners, or completely apolitical old guys who just want the free food and the safe flirting. It's always such a disconnect what the US CoC pulls.

Lot_49 November 16, 2012 at 4:04 pm

I always assumed the local ones were made up of insurance agents and lawyers looking to make business connections while doing some good.How the US CoC hijacked that into a right-wing lobby is a mystery.

bobbert November 17, 2012 at 12:37 am

Similar to how a lot of local American Legion posts are actually just a bunch of folks with a vague urge to have a few drinks and do a little community service.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 16, 2012 at 1:19 pm

But, but, if I don't have a cul-de-sac how will I spy on my neighbors?

Naked_Bunny November 16, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Hack into the FEMA drones.

bobbert November 17, 2012 at 12:38 am

Oh, quel cul-de-sac t'a.

Nostrildamus November 16, 2012 at 1:19 pm

ALT-TEXT: Who was touched by a priest? Hands, please.

Naked_Bunny November 16, 2012 at 2:03 pm

One of those boys grew up to be Pope. *hums "Circle of Life"*

Mittaplasia November 16, 2012 at 2:16 pm

They would smear ashes on my forehead occasionally but that's about all.

Ruhe November 16, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Searcy's public description of the Delphi plan? That itself is just part of the plan called the Cassandra gambit, implementation of which was detailed in the IPCRIS file.

BadKitty904 November 16, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Which, in turn, was a side-dish for the Litchfield Experiment, with lashings of the Illuminati, and a Freemason on top!

bobbert November 17, 2012 at 12:39 am

Gadianton Robbers Libel!!

Goonemeritus November 16, 2012 at 1:21 pm

So basically a Florida retirement community is what we have to look forward to.

BadKitty904 November 16, 2012 at 1:25 pm

An *EVIL* Florida retirement community.

Naked_Bunny November 16, 2012 at 2:11 pm

I thought that was implied.

BlueStateLibel November 16, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Yes, but everyone shares the lawns, putting an iron spike in the hearts of old guys everywhere.

bikerlaureate November 16, 2012 at 2:15 pm

But hopefully not the neighborhood watch duties… or else they'd better just outlaw Skittles while they're at it.

bobbert November 17, 2012 at 12:40 am

One hopes, without the STDs.

Lot_49 November 16, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Among the many incomprehensible mysteries about the Baltimore-DC conurbation is why anyone would buy a house with brick on only one side of it.

schvitzatura November 16, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Façade fabulous, baby! We'll just have less masonry to throw once the Blue Helmets herd us into FEMA reedjumacation hostels, but be can refashion the vinyl into makeshift roofing, just like our neighbors over in J'burg, Souf Africa and Rio de Janiero, BRAZIL do.

Lot_49 November 16, 2012 at 4:03 pm

I can see a couple of nice favelas in Rock Creek and Glover-Archbold parks.

randcoolcatdaddy November 16, 2012 at 1:22 pm

You forgot the force-feeding of the American public on socialist BBC "Downton Abbey" programming, rather than the free-market choices available on NBC.

schvitzatura November 16, 2012 at 1:59 pm

The 'Murican Neo-robber barons want us pliant and ready to serve in their gated estates. So this is more of that Delphi boolshite that is being bandied about, all wily-nily.

Doktor Zoom November 16, 2012 at 1:22 pm

From the publisher's description of Beck's new dumb book:

Woken up to the harsh reality of her life and her family's future inside the Republic, Emmeline begins to search for the truth. Why are all citizens confined to ubiquitous concrete living spaces? Why are Compounds guarded by Gatekeepers who track all movements?

You can tell it's a dystopia, because Things are Capitalized!

GeorgiaBurning November 16, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Emmeline lives at Dobson Ranch in Mesa?

OneYieldRegular November 16, 2012 at 1:48 pm

"Woken up"? I look forward to your full review, and good luck. I tried Beck's last attempt at a novel and could not get past the first paragraph. His writing is so atrocious it makes Dan Brown seem like Dostoyevsky.

SorosBot November 16, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Emmeline sounds like a name made up for porn.

doloras November 16, 2012 at 3:24 pm
Doktor Zoom November 16, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Emmeline Grangerford, of course, was the late lass in Huckleberry Finn who drew awful, sentimental pictures with soppy captions (A dead canary in a cage: 'Shall I hear thy sweet chirrup no more Alas!" and a forlorn woman: "Art thou gone yes thou art gone Alas!") and authoress of the immortal "Ode To Stephen Dowling Bots, dec'd."

MiniMencken November 16, 2012 at 1:22 pm

If only, if only…

JustPixelz November 16, 2012 at 1:22 pm

I work from home. Do I have to take the light rail? And yet I feel compelled to do for some reason.

Baba_NinjaCat12 November 16, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Forget Agenda 21, they just not being in the 21st century compliant for these crazy conspiracy theorist.

schmange November 16, 2012 at 1:25 pm

The top link is broken. What was that link to, I'm curious.

YouBetcha November 16, 2012 at 1:25 pm

If this mind control shit actually works, can we start using it on teabaggers? Pretty please?

snowpointsecret November 16, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Their tinfoil hats block it.

Doktor Zoom November 16, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Mind control? Well, you can see the flaw in THAT idea…

Nostrildamus November 16, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Delta Phi method? I prefer Lambda Lambda Lambda.

DahBoner November 16, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Delta Delta Delta is the biggest small change….

Troglodeity November 16, 2012 at 1:27 pm

The sad thing is, it's really getting hard to tell which of this is satire and which is actual, real Republican talking points.

NeonVincent November 19, 2012 at 1:44 am

Welcome to Poe's Law.

HouseOfTheBlueLights November 16, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Or Twinkies. Don't forget also no Twinkies. (Plenty of Ho-ho's, however, because of slut pills)

schvitzatura November 16, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Moon Pie contraband to pay off the UN compound guards, please.

Designer_Rants November 16, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Totally unrealistic; sounds like too much of an improvement.

Aridzona November 16, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Biggest downside is astronomical HOA dues.

Oblios_Cap November 16, 2012 at 1:31 pm

What role will the Six Sigma Doctrine play in this workers' paradise?

PubOption November 16, 2012 at 2:28 pm

It will create jobs for the poster printers. It can be used to generate more slogans than the Chinese communist party ever considered.

BadKitty904 November 16, 2012 at 1:32 pm

These guys have seen one too many Austin Powers flicks. Searcy must've forgotten the frickin' sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their frickin' heads…

Dr. Matt November 16, 2012 at 1:33 pm

I can't wait to start my new job as watch tower security at the FEMA camps! I just got my jackboots and leather cape shipped to me today. Take that, teatards!

Mittaplasia November 16, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Let the delousing begin!

ttommyunger November 16, 2012 at 1:34 pm

As a Georgia Resident with 40+ years seniority, all I can say is: "Take that, Arizona!".

Oblios_Cap November 16, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Will each camp have its own whorehouses, too?

DahBoner November 16, 2012 at 2:33 pm

DIY, kids.

IncenseDebate November 16, 2012 at 1:36 pm

What about clothing? Will there be a requirement? Black pajamas maybe? Kinda sexy.

Dr. Matt November 16, 2012 at 1:50 pm

And comfy!

starfanglednut November 16, 2012 at 4:01 pm

We have to wear clothes?

bloggingbalkanistan November 16, 2012 at 1:37 pm

When can I move in?

HistoriCat November 16, 2012 at 1:40 pm

The Delphi technique was developed by the Rand Corporation during the Cold War as a mind-control technique. It’s also known as “consensive process.” But basically the goal of the Delphi technique is to lead a targeted group of people to a pre-determined outcome while keeping the illusion of being open to public input.

Glad to know that the John Birch Society has really been able to contribute to public discourse. Maybe the Birchers and the LaRouchies can get together and create a Unified Conspiracy Theory explainer for all of us who are obviously too blind to see the truth.

deanbooth November 16, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Light rail against the machine!

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 16, 2012 at 1:42 pm

I'm looking forward to being issued my Obama jumpsuit as I really hate clothes shopping.

bikerlaureate November 16, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Will it have the big shining 'O' logo? That'll look boss with my tats.

sewollef November 16, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Oh fucking hell…. this means I've got to "work" at the Park Slope Co-op market again…. damn it.

deanbooth November 16, 2012 at 1:43 pm

But will there be a Hoverround outer belt?

TribecaMike November 16, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Glenn Beck responds: "Hitler wasn't all bad. At least he made the death trains run on time."

BoroPrimorac November 16, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Not for nothing, but this town sounds kick ass. All it needs to achieve perfection is an ordinance banning religion, legal pot and an artist co-op.

emmelemm November 16, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Sign me up!

DixvilleCrotch November 16, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Are we going to have to drop everything and pray 5 times a day to Allah, in between buttsechs sessions / abortions?

SorosBot November 16, 2012 at 1:57 pm

And here I thought the Delphi technique was for a young woman to breathe volcanic gasses which would cause her to hallucinate and spout gibberish, which the priests would interpret as messages from Apollo that they believed predicted the future.

Wile E. Quixote November 16, 2012 at 4:41 pm

I'll bet that the Romney team wishes that they had gone with that Delphi technique instead of pissing all of that money away on ORCA.

bobbert November 17, 2012 at 12:45 am

No, that's the "Rove" technique.

Negropolis November 17, 2012 at 2:00 am

Hey, that's not a nice thing to say about Sarah Palin.

OneYieldRegular November 16, 2012 at 1:58 pm

"Agenda 21" would be a great name for a clothing company catering to young people.

DahBoner November 16, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Anyone under 21 can walk in and say HIT ME and of course, an employee would hit them…

tracyhasfun November 16, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Scruffy nerfherder.

LibrarianX November 16, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Today, we are all Okies.

DerrickWildcat November 16, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Georgia has a good football team this year.

HRH_Maddie November 16, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Give me Applebees or give me death!

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 16, 2012 at 2:25 pm

We'll miss you when your dead!

HRH_Maddie November 16, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Bringing the grand total of people who will miss me when I'm dead up to 1. Thx!

starfanglednut November 16, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Awwww, everyone here will miss you. And you're going to be around for a long, long time we hope.

HRH_Maddie November 16, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Aww, thanks. That was just me employing my world famous, off-putting sense of humor, not a cry for help. Plus, with this new Red Lobster boycott, I'll live longer than originally planned.

Negropolis November 17, 2012 at 2:03 am

The wonderful thing about some Applebees is that you don't have to choose.

DahBoner November 16, 2012 at 2:30 pm

At long last, the glorious Motherland arrives…

johnnyzhivago November 16, 2012 at 2:30 pm

The only thing I know of that sounds like the Delphi project is Fox News!

SuspectedDemocrat November 16, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Really, kids, you need to keep both hands on the handlebars when you ride a bicycle. And where are your helmets?

DogWhisperer November 16, 2012 at 2:34 pm

What's with the tiny dark hand sticking out of that kid's shoulder (the one with an amputated forearm)?

TribecaMike November 16, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Sounds like a job for David Icke. I'll call him on the Icke Phone, or better yet summon him with the Icke Signal.

Come here a minute November 16, 2012 at 2:42 pm

When did he get to the part about staring at goats?

emmelemm November 16, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Wow, you're good.

emmelemm November 16, 2012 at 2:59 pm

You'll never take my Red Robin bottomless fries!

TribecaMike November 16, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Speaking of trains — All Troops Out Of Midland Texas NOW!

outragedcitizen November 16, 2012 at 3:33 pm

So, no matter what we do, it will be the Government's fault because mind control?

Cool! I have to go to the bank now….

Jerri November 16, 2012 at 3:38 pm

So, Parts: The Clonus Horror may still turn out to be a documentary, is what I'm getting from this.

TootsStansbury November 16, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Never go full wingtard.

mustangsavvy November 16, 2012 at 3:58 pm

It's astounding. They want him to be the evil genius of their dreams so much that they will stop at nothing to convince themselves that Obama is in fact, an evil genius with mind control. Like they knew all along. Brings a new sheen to the words "tortured logic." Yikes.

Also…..bike lanes and side walks? Sounds like the Northern Beaches suburbs of Sydney. Sounds like EVERY OTHER SUBURB of Sydney, including Sydney city itself and all inner-city suburbs. In the 90's. So obviously, Obama used his mind control and time machine to oppress the Australia of my childhood and having perfected that technique has some how come forward in time to USA to once again, control the minds of the masses. With bike lanes.

samedwards_net November 16, 2012 at 4:04 pm

omg… "FEMA" spelled backwards with different letters is 666!

Wile E. Quixote November 16, 2012 at 4:39 pm

But basically the goal of the Delphi technique is to lead a targeted group of people to a pre-determined outcome while keeping the illusion of being open to public input.

Oh, you mean like the Bush administration did when they started the Iraq war? Or the way AIPAC and their friends on Capitol Hill continue to insure that the US will support Israel regardless of whatever boneheaded and vile decisions they make. Or the way House Republicans keep pushing for tax breaks for the rich even though most people oppose them?

Esteev November 16, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Oh this is rich.

HelmutNewton November 16, 2012 at 6:37 pm

This sounds like the most magical socialist paradise ever and I can’t wait!

Wait, you mean it's only a teabagger fever-dream?!? Nevermind, then…

emmelemm November 16, 2012 at 7:46 pm

In the immortal words of Tina Fey, "I want to go to there."

ChickTract_Fil_A November 16, 2012 at 7:02 pm

More from Obama's Utopia: 1) 90 minutes from New York to Paris; under the sea by rail. 2) There'll be spandex jackets one for everyone.

BZ1 November 16, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Famed prognosticator Dick Morris was in the film, good grief, wouldn't that alone have scared people?

Negropolis November 17, 2012 at 1:50 am

McCarthy is spinning in his grave.

BTW, Agenda 21 is that store in your local mall, right?

BenGleck November 17, 2012 at 12:25 pm

I dunno, nedz moar crazy. Is it just me?

lulzmonger November 18, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Mmm, a fresh term for Obama … it even has that 'New Abortionplex' smell!

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